01x02 - The Cool, Cruel Mr. Freeze/The Joke's on Robin/Can a Luthor Change His Spots?/Superboy Meets Mighty Lad

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: The Adventures of Batman
with Robin, Boy Wonder.

Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo
against crime and corruption...

...whose real identities
as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne...

...and his young ward, d*ck Grayson...

...are known only to Alfred,
the faithful butler.

Ever alert, they respond swiftly
to a signal from the police.

And moments later, from the secret Batcave
deep beneath Wayne Manor...

...they roar out
to protect life, limb and property...

...as Batman and Robin,
caped crime fighters.

Batman and Robin,
scourge of Gotham City's kooky criminals:

The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.

The Penguin,
pudgy purveyor of perfidy.

And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.

Watch out, villains,
here come Batman and Robin.

NARRATOR: The fountains
of Gotham City Music Hall...

...a perfect place to cool off on a hot day
and relax with an ice cream.

But what's this?

An ice cream man from outer space?

Now at the Gotham City Water Works...

...the reservoir becomes an ice rink.

Suddenly, Gotham City has gone dry.

And while the city hall switchboard
is clogged with complaints...

...at stately Wayne Manor,
millionaire Bruce Wayne...

...and his ward, d*ck Grayson...

...the real-life identities
of Batman and Robin, finish their workout.

Phew. Am I thir--

Hey, Bruce, we'd better get the plumber.

No, d*ck.
We'd better get to the Batmobile.

Let's go, chum.

NARRATOR: Moments later, the Batmobile
roars out from the secret Batcave...

...to Police Commissioner Gordon's
office.

Reservoir, frozen?

GORDON:
Yes. On a 90-degree day.

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

-Yes?
MAN: Commissioner, there are icebergs...

...in Gotham Harbor.

What? Icebergs? In Gotham Harbor?

-Guess who?
-Of course.

The frigid, fiendish...

Cool, cruel...

Mr. Freeze.

See you later, commissioner.

-There's the guy who's doing it.
-Let's get him.

Cool off, fellows.

[MR. FREEZE LAUGHS]

A new game called Freeze the Fuzz.

Petrified policemen.

Stand by for 180-degree Bat-turn.

Now.

[TIRES SCREECH]

Full throttle Bat-power.

-Where to now, Batman?
-To the only water left in town.

-The aquarium?
-Check.

NARRATOR:
At the Gotham Aquarium...

...a whale of a robbery.

Helicopter. Drop your hooks.

Take it away.

[BATMOBILE ENGINE REVVING]

Uh-oh. The Dynamic Duo.

ROBIN:
The whale.

The ice cream truck.

Hang on.

Ha! And that is the end
of Batman and Robin.

NARRATOR:
Ah, don't you believe it, Mr. Freeze.

Good thing we ran a safety drill...

...on the parachute pontoon release
yesterday.

And how.
But why did Mr. Freeze steal a whale?

I wish I knew, Robin.

I wish I knew
what that frigid fiend is up to.

NARRATOR:
You can bet he's up to no good.

Right now at the frigid felon's
icy hideaway...

That's correct, commissioner.

One billion dollars in gold
within 24 hours...

...or I freeze all of Gotham City.

A billion dollars?

We can't do it.

Wait, commissioner.

Obviously, Mr. Freeze thinks
Robin and I are dead.

I think I can persuade
millionaire Bruce Wayne...

...to give the city the gold.

-And when he tries to take it...
-We'll come back to life and grab him.

I ask you to convert
my entire fortune, gentlemen...

...Into gold bullion to save Gotham City.

But, Bruce,
if Batman can't stop Mr. Freeze...

...you'll be broke, wiped out.

True. But I'm betting on Batman
to catch Mr. Freeze.

All right, everybody, freeze.

BATMAN:
Now.

Batman and Robin, alive.

BATMAN:
And kicking.

Robin.

How can I tell which one Robin's in?

Good old Robin.

He's activated his utility belt
homing signal.

[BEEPING]

Ha, ha. He went right by--

[GASPS]

BATMAN: Where's Robin?
-Here, Batman.

I just thawed out. But Mr. Freeze flew
the coop when we turned the corner.

Uh-oh. The gold.
He must have gone back for it.

Quick. To the Batboat.

She's heading into the fog.

The barge has completely disappeared.

ROBIN:
The whole Wayne fortune.

All sunk to the bottom, Batman. Why?

I think I know, Robin.

And you can bet we'll get it back.

Now, to the Batcave.

NARRATOR: A billion dollars in gold,
sunk to the bottom.

But the caped crusader seems confident
he'll recover it.

What does he know? What will he do?

Don't miss the exciting cl*max,
coming up next.

NARRATOR:
Icebergs in Gotham Harbor.

The city threatened
by that subzero Satan, Mr. Freeze.

Bruce Wayne offers
a billion dollars in gold...

...and it vanishes.

Or did it?

Wait. What's this?
Mr. Freeze's stolen whale?

Which leads the frigid wizard to the gold.

[LAUGHS]

He found it for us.

Icy, freeze our assets...

...now.

[BELL DINGS]

The whale, of course.

That's the key to the caper.

That whale has been used
in government sonic experiments.

-You mean--?
-Yes.

If equipped with a gold detector...

...the whale could locate
sunken gold anywhere.

But how can you find it, sir?

Only one way, Alfred.

We'll have to make Mr. Freeze
come to us.

And that will require drastic measures.

So, Alfred, tonight you are going to steal
the Melman jewels.

I, sir?

Right.

And Batman and Robin
will see that you escape.

Starting tonight, we make Mr. Freeze
think we've joined the underworld.

NARRATOR:
That night, the incredible happens.

[ALARM RINGING]

MAN:
Stop, thief.

[SIRENS WAILING]

-There goes the Dynamic Duo.
-There's one crook that won't get away.

Watch out. Smoke screen.

From the Batmobile.

Can you believe
Batman let him get away?

No, but it's true.

NARRATOR: Later, at the
Gotham Museum's private unveiling...

...of two rare masterpieces...

Yes, the artist seems to capture
the feeling of, uh...

[GASPS]

Batman.

I don't believe it.

Batman and Robin
turned to a life of crime?

Why?

Fantastic.
But true, ladies and gentlemen.

Batman and Robin have become crooks.

NARRATOR: Aboard a refrigeration ship
tied at Gotham Harbor...

...in his secret cold room,
Mr. Freeze gets the news.

So Batman's finally gotten smart.

I got your lunch, boss.

Switch on a warm corridor
so I can bring it in.

Do you have to keep most of this room


You know anything less
is death for me, stupid.

Men, today they're bringing in
the reserve shipment of gold...

...from the U.S. Mint.

It won't arrive safely.

[MR. FREEZE CHUCKLES]

So by tonight...

...I'll have the city
in the palm of my ice-cold hand.

Alfred, please tag our stolen loot
for return to its owners tomorrow.

-Then that means--
-Check.

The Batcomputer has predicted Mr. Freeze
will strike at the gold shipment...

...arriving from the mint.
We'll join his nefarious g*ng...

...find out
where the Wayne gold is hidden--

And then put Mr. Freeze in the cooler.

Quickly, transfer the gold to this truck.

Sorry, boys, but we got here first.

The Dynamic Duo.

Freeze.

If you can break those Batropes
before the cops come, you'll escape.

Meanwhile, we'll have the gold.

Wait a minute. Let's make a deal.
Join me.

We'll add this gold
to what I already have...

...and together we can be
the most powerful criminals in the world.

Hmm. That's a tempting offer.
How about it, Robin?

We accept.

All right, our gold is loaded aboard.

Now, where's the Wayne fortune?

MR. FREEZE: See that iceberg
with the whale circling it?

Well, the barge full of gold is frozen
inside that iceberg.

That's all we wanted to know.

MR. FREEZE:
Now, Icy. Hit it.

[MR. FREEZE LAUGHS]

You fools.

I wasn't deceived by your crook act.

I always said you two were square.

But when this machine
gets through with you...

...you'll be cubes.

[LAUGHS]

NARRATOR:
Is this to be a frozen, frappéed finish...

...for the famed crime fighters?

But no.

Batman and Robin
seem to be losing their cool.

Warming to danger...

...melting the ice from the inside.

Good thing the thermal control unit
in our utility belts worked.

Yes, and the remote-control Batcopter
is on its way.

The Batcopter.

But how did they get away?

BATMAN:
Look out. The control panel.

ROBIN:
We're headed right for the iceberg.

Looks as if we all die together, eh?

I don't think so.

The whale saved us.

BATMAN: He responded
to my ultrasonic frequency.

Mr. Freeze is in the cooler,
the gold has been returned...

...Bruce Wayne is solvent...

...and thank heaven Batman and Robin
turned out not to be crooks after all.

I'm glad of that. I'd like to keep
that wanted poster as a souvenir.

It ought to be a pretty rare document.

Not really. Chief O'Hara had 100,000
of them printed up.

[ALL LAUGHING]

NARRATOR:
Aboard the yacht of a visiting potentate...

...Batman and Robin arrive
to help protect Gotham City's royal guest.

Suddenly...

Man overboard!

Help!

I can't swim!

I'll get him, Batman.

[PETE GRUNTING]

ROBIN:
Easy, fella. Don't fight me.

Grab hold, Robin. I'll pull you in.

NARRATOR:
A short while later...

...in the bizarre hideout
of Batman's archenemy, the Joker...

PETE: And the Boy Wonder thought
I was really drowning, Joker.

Well, this is the beginning of the end
for Batman and Robin.

[LAUGHS]

The police heard a rumor the Joker's
planning to raid the Gotham Toy Fair.

ROBIN:
Holy high jinks.

-What would he wanna steal there?
-Let's find out.

NARRATOR:
At the toy show...

...a crowd waits for the unveiling
of a giant jewel-encrusted jack-in-the-box.

Now we press the button...

...and see Jack jump out.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

Nobody budge until my associates
remove that priceless toy.

BATMAN:
The toy stays, Joker.

You're being removed.

The Dynamic Duo.

Clobber them.

This should roll them in the aisles.

Would you like to take a ride?

HENCHMAN:
Hey, look out.

Cool it, men.

Good show, masked man hunters.

Sorry I can't stay for the finale.

[LAUGHS]

I'll take him out, Batman.

Missed by a mile, Boy Blunder.

ROBIN:
It's out of control.

Sorry, Batman.

Because of me, the Joker got away.

Forget it, chum. We'll get him next time.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

HENCHMAN: What's to laugh?
We didn't get that jeweled box.

Who cares about that?

It's Batman and Robin
I'm really toying with.

[LAUGHS]

NARRATOR:
And in the days that follow...

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

I'm sorry, Batman.

This Batgrenade will stop him.

Stop who, Robin?

Gotta get him this time.

[LAUGHS]

And now, friends...

...we prepare for the final phase
of my plan:

To shatter Robin's confidence
and render him useless to Batman.

[LAUGHS]

NARRATOR: At this very moment,
in Central Headquarters...

...Commissioner Gordon's daughter,
Barbara, who is secretly Batgirl...

...witnesses a grim conference.

Gosh, Batman, with all my goofs,
I've even become a menace to you.

Perhaps, Boy Wonder,
you're overworked.

Maybe you need a little vacation
from crime fighting.

MAN [OVER RADIO]:
Attention Commissioner Gordon.

Joker reported in vicinity
of Gotham Clock Factory.

Guess I'll have to go this one alone,
old sport. Sorry.

I understand, Batman.

Bye, Dad. Gotta rush.

Exit Robin, enter Batgirl.

See you back home, Robin.

Got room for another passenger?

-Batgirl.
-Now, look here--

Please, Batman,
you need an extra hand now.

Good luck, partner.

[JOKER LAUGHING]

NARRATOR: Moments later,
in the factory's clock tower...

[JOKER CHUCKLES]

Count the minutes, Batman.

You and Batgirl will meet
and merge exactly at midnight.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

We'll go now to loot the factory...

...of its valuable jewelworks.

But we will return
to enjoy your final moments.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

NARRATOR:
Meanwhile, in Wayne Manor...

...site of the secret Batcave...

...Robin has resumed his identity
as d*ck Grayson.

Hmm. Funny, Alfred,
my Batarang feels wobbly.

I wish Batman could help me
find out why.

Look, Alfred. A tiny lead weight.

It threw the Batarang off-balance.

My word, Master d*ck.
This will interest Batman.

Look at the Batrope, Alfred.

It's been saturated with a liquid
that makes it stretch.

ALFRED:
How fiendish.

Wait, that drowning man...

...it was all an act.

While you were struggling,
he must've switched utility belts on you.

Right. Alfred, get the Batcycle ready.

I'm gonna find Batman.

[JOKER LAUGHING]

JOKER:
Just a few more ticks...

...and then crunch.

ROBIN:
Guess again, Joker.

JOKER: The Boy Blunder.
-Not anymore, my friend.

Bull's-eye, champ.

Got your control back.

Yeah, I'm wearing
my spare utility belt now.

Everybody, out.

ROBIN:
Be with you in a second, buddies.

JOKER:
Move, you clowns.

BATMAN:
Mind if we drop in on you?

BATGIRL:
What's your hurry?

HENCHMAN:
Get him.

Oh, they're fit to be tied.

Don't go yet, Joker.

The party's just starting to swing.

JOKER:
Ooh!

BATMAN:
Robin has a favor to ask, Joker.

Yes, when you get
to the prison workshop...

...please repair all this equipment
you gimmicked up.

Ha, ha. Very funny.

[ALL LAUGH]