02x03 - Meat Locker 2000

[bunniefuu]

I feel Incredibly Close to You already

and it's not just because you're a

prestigious surgeon with social position

a Jag and a mansion full of toing

servants my sweet it's because you make

me laugh you know Sharon the last couple

of weeks have been great for me too dare

we dream of a future

together hi Sharon I didn't feel like

doing laundry so I thought I'd come over

and borrow some of Larry's Underpants I

don't think he'll mind since he's not

around anymore

I sure hope he has boxer shorts cuz

those tight jockeys really kind of Cramp

My Style if you know what I

mean I think you

do hey who the hell are you Dr Glen

Morris and you are an idiot

leaving oh a doctor huh H so what does

she have that elephant man thing and you

didn't want to bring her down to the

hospital frighten the other patients

yeah Sharon and I have been seeing each

other

oh my God

Sharon you have the nerve to be living

out your filthy little sex fantasies

when your husband's dear corpse isn't

even cold in the ground I could pass a

kidney right here on the floor ah corpse

I thought you said the Larry had

disappeared he did of course and this is

the jackass who drove him off well

that's what she'd like people to think

but uh the truth would make a street

Harden homicide d*ck drop to his knees

and vomit like a choir girl you're

insinuating that she she k*lled her

husband I'm sorry but I have a very hard

time believing that this sweet little

thing is capable of violence thank you

darling now get out you on fire and put

it out with an axxe gee she she is a

little

scary well only if you find the words

mysterious stench in the crawl space

scary you never know when she's going to

blow and boy if she's got a motive well

you can just kiss your well-grown but

goodbye I just pray you're not a wealthy

man look Sharon I got to run yeah I'll

call you sometime oh yeah yeah tid bit

of trivia for you you know that fence

around my mansion that's

electric jeez what a jerk you're better

off alone and sell a bit until Larry

finishes horing around comes back

home I've always tried to control my

myself with you because after all you

were Larry's best friend but now that

Larry isn't around anymore I see no

reason at all to continue holding back

Sharon please I don't think you've ever

been holding

back man she was holding

back hey what

[Applause]

is

stand in the place where you live now

think about Direction wonder why you

have now stand in the place where you

were now face s about the place where

you live wonder why you have people

stand in the place where you live

now out and wonder why you haveen it now

stand in the place where you were now

face the place where you live wonder why

you hav before stand in the place where

you

are

ruined everything you stupid do I was

giving a dinner party tomorrow night to

show Glenn off to two of my old sorority

sisters I finally snagged the perfect

man after the humiliation of losing

Larry and all I wanted to do was one do

deest friend in the world flber with

eny Andy T you listen to your empy that

boy open is a

mother I've got to get another dat by

tomorrow night

but no I promised them Glenn Rich

spineless easily dominated

Glenn I've got to get a Glenn

impersonator what stupid sap would go

along with a plan like

that oh no not him no anyone but him

maybe if I just put one of Larry's suits

on the

dog maybe he wouldn't be so bad after

all you know it just it might work if I

I really load their drinks they just

might go oh Chris Chris what what who

come on what oh wow how I've decided to

let you live on one condition that you

pose as Glenn at my dinner party

tomorrow

night get real Sharon come

on so what time is your lovely

Suare Sharon I don't know about Larry's

suit here hey it's a little tight in the

butt oh please Chris don't expend all

your charm before the company

arrives hey huh now that's funny you

know in all the times I've been coming

over here I never realized she had one

of those handy walk-in meat lockers I

always thought that was just a powder

room oh good that must be them oh time

enough for one more thread Chris if you

blow this my last beating will seem like

a sweet sweet

memory

jar oh you're so beautiful you too

welcome

come everyone I'd like you to

meet Dr Glenn

Morris

ladies Sharon has told me so much about

you two you know I practically feel like

I'm one of you not that I'm wearing

anything frilly underneath the suit yet

understand come on honey come on over

here before I go over some of that sweet

stuff come on here we

go all right hold on to your padded bra

I'm not playing favorites you two here

we go why we all just sit down shall

we all right everybody let's all go over

here

okay party

yeah

Sharon we were so sorry to hear about

Larry thank you dear but you know I I'm

really getting over it quite well thanks

to Glenn oh gee honey oh man that go

tripple for me milk D

ears why don't I suddenly have a craving

for

nougat that's wonderful so uh Glenn

Sharon tells us you're a micr

neurosurgeon so what are you saying I'm

not

one but that I don't even know what one

is all right well n in this Bud okay a

micro whatam a who's it there a guy who

operates on brains okay and when it

comes to that I am King hot pants in

fact I can take this pen right here and

I could stick it in your ear with just a

slight manipulation I can make you jump

up drop your trousers and do an

embarrassing little pole hop all right

so just back off Mr Joe College n*zi

frat boy

I also have been a

gum I'm sorry but chewing gum has been

around for hundreds of years oh yeah

right honey and the pilgrims came over

on the space shuttle Qui somebody get

her a drink before she whips out her

flask the important thing is that the

two of you are happy together oh G hey

you hit the nail on the head there well

I have never been so content in my life

and you're talking to a guy who slept

with every high- pric hooker in the

state

but not one of them holds a candle to

this lady right

here no I'm not saying she's a or

anything don't get me wrong but you know

if she ever decided she wanted to be one

you know the lines would just be around

the block you know let me get something

out of the meat locker please excuse us

oh yeah right yeah sure I almost forgot

it's been almost an hour time to stoke

the old love furnace if you know what I

mean hey folks if you hear a zipper

sound coming from in here that would be

my

zipper

huh jeez you guys eat a lot of meat your

kids must have a cholesterol level of an

80-year-old truck

driver now Sharon I'm sensing a little

hostility here chis we are going back

out there and if you so much as mention

sex again you are going to be hanging

from one of

these yes Sharon

okay hey how do you get this thing open

oh

please oh my God I must have slammed it

too hard all right girly step aside let

a full grown boy handle

this we're going to die we're going to

die my God Glenn wasn't joking they're

going at it like a couple of vetting

warthogs this is the height of rudess

you'd never catch us having sex in our

Meat Locker when we have company over

we're

leaving us

too well at least Sharon didn't find out

you're just some jerk pretending to be

my boyfriend because my husband left

me all right all right don't worry don't

worry I'm sure they'll be here in a

couple of seconds oh God uh listen in

the meantime can I borrow your

sweater why won't they let us out it's

because I'm 116th Lakota Sue Indian

isn't it you r*cist

b*stard I just had a horrible thought

what if they got tired of waiting and

went home wait a second we don't need

them at all what I hold in my hand the

solution to our little dilemma

what paperclip well to the untrained eye

perhaps but to the beautiful Watcher of

TV's mcgyver it's a veritable Super

Deluxe toolkit from Sears with it I

shall loose us from this our watery

Graves You' be lucky if you could get

that to hold paper together all right

sister just stand back and eat my dust

or whatever residue I may

leave

M you actually did not so fast I think a

certain somebody owes a certain dashing

hero an apology I'm not apologizing to

you oh yeah right you're not okay hold

on one

second yeah no it's closed yeah and

that's going to stay closed until I hear

an apology and it better be from the

heart well I'm sorry I thought you

couldn't know it you fat brain dead

a*s fine now was that so difficult jeez

and now it would be my honor to rescue

you me Fair Lady mdel find can I have

another paper clip please what are you

talking about another paper clip what

happened to the one you just had well it

was used I threw it

[Applause]

out you realiz you just done if there is

no one out there to rescue us we are

doomed

oh my God oh my God you're right and if

we're stuck in here for minutes on end

we could starve to

death look around you and tell me what

you

see oh my God the bodies of all those

who have gone before

us we are not going to starve to death

we are going to freeze to death oh jeez

well that's a relief well then all we

need is a big freshly k*lled elephant to

crawl up inside of and be warm and cozy

as two bugs in a rug and a stomach so

where's the

elephant there is no

elephant not even in the

zoo well there's no reason to go on

living there are plenty of elephants in

the zoo oh good well then we got to get

out of

here hey you know what I have an idea

idea we could probably share each

other's body heat if we were hugged and

snuggled together I'd rather be chisled

out of here with an ice pick sh believe

me I'm not looking to get any pleasure

out of this I I don't want to achieve

sexual thrill or anything I I just think

it's our best chance for survival that's

all actually you're probably right about

that yeah no I am there's a spot right

down here let's let you say we cut off

right

here

what's wrong with you I just signed from

relief jeez would you stop being such a

prudy prud prudence and come

to

well it's not so bad it's rather like

being engulfed by a big gooey compost

he

enjoy

Sharon

Sharon I was so disgusted by your

inexcusable behavior that I forgot my

purse ch

I think I hear voices oh I get that a

lot just try pounding on the side of

your head they'll go

away there might be someone out there oh

really

[Music]

yeah filthy

scam they have stamina

though I guess I guess I was mistaken my

mind must be playing tricks on me

Chris we've got to keep talking or else

we may slip into a complete hypothermic

delirium wow a whole new kind of

delirium and I thought I had tried them

all I can feel my arms and legs at all

anymore I think that maybe we are

actually going to die in here but before

we do there's something I want to get

off my chest you know I pray you are

talking about your bra otherwise you are

the worst kind of tee

I want to say this that I don't think

you are such a flabby bald asinine

troll really well you are a little on

the flabby and bald

side are pretty damn a*s and I

technically I think you're too tall to

be a

troll wow me Shar I don't know what to

say but you know as as long as we're

pouring our hearts out

here I think you should know that even

though I've always considered you an

evil castrating she Creature From

Hell I've also always found you quite

shapely you see I too I'm not without my

tender

side suddenly

I don't find you all that

unattractive I mean with our faces this

close together and everything you could

be almost

anyone go on go on and say it then you

want me you crave my body you crave it

like a pearl dier craved fluffer

Nutter I do I know it's probably the

hypothermic delirium but God help me I

actually want you well then let's go out

with a bang and not a whimper or if we

do it right

[Music]

both I love you Shar I love you I think

I've actually L you for the first moment

I hated

you say something

Roman certain sauces give me a rat you

special special

man oh take me take me now oh but be

gentle oh wow unless you like it rough

then consider me your rag doll

baby I love

it hey everybody Chris said I could come

to the party as long as I called him

Glenn boy I've been to some dull

shindigs but this hardly seems worth

crashing oh well nothing tastes sweeter

than free

grub hey I got one of those walk-in

living room meat lockers that are all

the

rage maybe I'll just get a few Choice

cuts to

go

jackpot oh

yeah je it's a kid in that Potter went

never in real

trouble hell they can wait it's not like

they're going to spoil or

anything oh Mommy Mommy it's so good to

feel your

whiskers kid you're alive thank God I

hate filling out those Corner

sticks

go how long have I been frozen I don't

know a couple hours maybe a couple of

hours oh jeez this is like that Byron

Allen movie sleeper I'll have to adjust

to a whole new futuristic World kid I

think we better pop your head into the

microwave for a few

minutes what Sharon Sharon my love lozen

you're a

liive your love oh God I'm dead and hell

is even worse than I expected it to be

no no honey don't you remember what

we're starcross lovers now soulmates

which no man Beast or podiatrist can

ever wrench a

sun a minute I know we kiss but that is

all jeez are you

kidding come on baby we did it all

yeah you are an

animal I still think I have one of your

cheap fake fingernails embedded in my

back way to go kid I can't wait to hear

all the grow details I get

them this is not happening I think what

I'm going to do is go home and pack up

some of my festering laundry and just a

few bobbles and bring them over here so

we can start our Blissful cohabitation

together oh fire of my

loins oh and goodbye Chris Jr I sure

hope you're not

fat

excuse

me I have to go scrub my entire body

with steel wool now and then blow my

brains

out

M boy what a meal I can't believe you

actually won the national meat Lotto you

must have luck of the

Swedish you're the lucky one kid getting

asleep with that Hellcat Sharon

oh you know what G we never actually

slept together I just let her think we

did it was one of my cruel but very

funny

jokes or I a

Scamp I heard that

scum prepare to

die

ow okay

that's the stomach and there go the

ears I it I hate it

I I can't believe it no wife no kids

this is the first real vacation I've had

in years are you thinking what I'm

thinking Buck if we change the locks

they could be like this every

night quick Daddy needs a screwdriver

fetch boy

fetch okay oh

wow oh