02x06 - Prisoner of Love

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

oh rise and shine sleepy

head remember what our 14th President

Ben Franklin said early to bed early to

rise oh something something something

something that rhymes with a kite love

Ben Franklin get

out you kid her no it's time for me to

perform that most wondrous morning tasks

the opening of the morning mail look kid

I got sort of faced last night so have a

little Compassion or I'll send your lips

down your throat in a

clump you that based come

on oh damn no this is all wrong oh my

hat of the month selection I

specifically requested the alternate

this month the Charming yet provincial

Peruvian gouto hat this is the eighth

Derby I've gotten in a

row well try as you might they just

won't let you quit

ah oh hey here's something from the

state penitentary my old friend Irma

Jane [ __ ] it's always nice to hear

from one's female prison pen pal don't

you agree no I don't believe they should

be allowed to communicate with the

outside world I think they should be

locked up forever to rot in their own

fil you know but for a slight twist of

fate I too could have been a Woman

Behind Bars thought that I find sobering

but not without a certain quaint

appeal all guys want to be Brads Behind

Bars you're nothing special exactly and

that's why I want to help these good

prison folk I mean people that have

fallen on Hard Times deserve our love

and our

compassion oh this lice ridden piece of

sub human trash is getting pared today

and she wants to come here keep her out

of my tub or you're a dead man I'm

keeping her totally out oh sure she'll

be coming just to say howd you do Mr pen

pal but before we know it she'll be

moving her tattooed cigarette grubbing

butt into our own personal Oz I like

tattoos on a

bro Chris whatever my middle name is

Peterson has a plan you know what I'm

going to do I'm going to go to my room

and I'm going to make it look so scary

that even a person who doesn't scar very

easily it's going to be very very

scared stand in the place where you live

now think about Direction wonder why you

haven't now stand in the place where you

were now they swe think about the place

where you live wonder why you hav't

people stand in the place where you live

now think about dire wonder why we have

now sh in the place where you were

now the place where you live wonder why

you stand in the place where you

are so

stand

yes yes please come in in fact why don't

you stay a while if you

can I got to tell you kid I'm not

exactly moist with

Terror well that's just because you

haven't looked closely enough yet tell

me Gus do you see anything that might oh

I don't know be slightly unsettling to

one's

nerves

Roar it's okay it's okay don't run away

stay stay right where you are there

isn't really a tiger in this box but

doesn't it look exactly like there could

be a tiger in this

box guess what if that doesn't scare her

let's see her get by

this say hello to Mr

ghosty it's okay it's okay it's just

me and now the ultimate Terror and I

need your help with this one Gus if

you'll just plant yourself right here

uhhuh and that's perfect

m a bomy hamper

Breeze

sweet there goes my one good

lung works like a

charm oh she's here she's here places

everyone places okay good luck to us all

what kind of crap is

this oh Fair Lady you sir are the most

Exquisite creature my PE mortal eyes

have ever

beheld yeah well you're kind of gross I

can see why you wear a

[Music]

sheet jeez it smells bad in here oh well

I can fix that give me a second here I

can fix that no

problem okay

there I love

you you look different than your picture

oh yeah uh confession time uh you know

that picture I sent you wasn't really of

Me no it was of uh Hardy Boy

extraordinaire Parker Stevenson I just

kind of Drew beard

on look I just dropped by to say a quick

hello borrow like 500 bucks and get the

hell out of here no no you can't you

have to stay here you have to I insist

in in fact here you can take the bed I

won't need it as long as I can just

crouch in the corner and stare at you

all

night what the hell I got no place else

to go but I swear if you so much as lay

a finger on me I'll rip your throat out

so fast it'll be screaming uncle in my

fist you know when you talk like that it

is so hard for me to believe that you

are a hardened criminal I mean you talk

like every other girl I date just a

little dash of my grandmother thrown

in mother father may I introduce Irma

hey nice digs you got any Furs around

honey Irma that sounds like the name of

some broad in The

Slammer oh no my grossly misinformed

friend no Irma is just recently out of

The Slammer it's a pleasure to meet you

dear we'd invite you for coffee with us

but frankly Mr Peterson and I have no

use for pathetic big house scum like

yourself jeez mom every time I bring

home a con it's always the same

talk no Irma and I have been pen pals

for years and now that she's hit the

streets well we've we've Fallen madly in

love are you sure she's your typ dear

she looks a bit

Butch what am I am I hearing Wedding

Bells in Chris Peterson's

future well now let me get off my high

horse here and uh hand the rains over as

a were to uh my lovely beback

Rider jeez I really have a way of

painting pictures with words don't

I I am only too anxious to begin my life

a new as a productive member of society

and what better way than to help my

fellow citizens especially the elderly

and

infirm with their checkbooks retirement

plans and monthly

budgets right so if you'll just hand

over your account numbers and PIN codes

over our dead and rotting corpses we

make the old dear but we're not stupid

come on let's Waltz our way out of this

sewer of petty distrust and

closed-mindedness come

on so you've upset her so much she

doesn't want to dance what a shame she

looks like she could cut a mean rug

too is there anyone your evil sarcasm

hasn't

crushed

oh idealic

life man comes home from a leisurely

morning of fishing and eating grass

finds his woman hard at work on her

little crafts projects what are you

working on there honey let me take a

look at that don't touch the hundreds

jerk the Ink's not dry

yet

sorry oh hey Irma I see you've upgraded

your stereo system horrific you know I

only wish you had some way of protecting

all this stuff

that's oh I see you

do ain't you got something to do yes I

do as a matter of fact now that you

mention it I have got a lot of loose

ends to tie up before our June

wedding see you I think probably we're

going to want to put the rabbi on the

revolving platform right about

hereo right I'll take take all 30

Keys hey hey what's this oh honey did

you get me that sack of horse manure

that I have my eye on don't look at that

well why

what hey there's a man in

here oh shh he's

sleeping

oh no it's the police it's the police

they must have found out I was fishing

without a license honey stuff these in

your pants mine are

full herma Jane coie is it the

Greenville police department the

building is surrounded come out with

your hands up you know I am so sick and

tired of people hassling poor innocent

excon at the drop of a hat I'm going to

go give him a piece of my mind that

won't be

necessary

boyfriend hey you pig I got a hostage in

here try anything stupid now explode his

head like a ripe

cantaloupe oh yeah that would be another

way of handling it sure sure we could do

it that

way you know honey this is a great idea

pretending to hold me hostage but you

know what I bet they know what I know

that you would never hurt me shut up

maggot great play acting

dear oh but you know what I bet they

can't see us through the garage door I

told Judah shut

up oh yes I understand an actor never

breaks character good well maybe you

better hit me a couple more times

then good

make it easy on yourself Irma give up

now I told you back off a jerk boy

dies who's jerk boy you know that

50-year-old paper boy oh the bald one

let her k*ll him I hear he's an orphan n

he's got a couple of parents right in

town

damn

you imile on your fire boys well if it

ain't no Sergeant psycho how's it going

bu jeez Howe take it easy with the a*mo

you're chipping the new paint off my

house sorry guys seems every crime in

the tri state area over the past week's

been traced to that Broad and your

garage yeah no kidding what's the plan

we're thinking tear gas ah Burl I got

venison curing in there you know how

tear gas stinks up my meat how about

mustard gas that'll get him out in a

hurry and it's damn tasty on deer too

don't got any mustard gas crap that's a

story of my

life hello officers what's all the

commotion nothing ma'am some dork news

boy is being held hostage by an armed

and dangerous xcon

thank you

God I don't hear no one

leaving maybe those b*stards have got to

see some of your blood flowing before

they'll know I mean business oh that's a

good idea honey visual A*DS are always

effective listen up boinkers here are my

Demands a car with a civilian driver to

take me in the chimp here to the airport

where a private jet will be waiting to

fly us to Bolivia hey Bolivia boy this

is so much like the dating game hey we

can visit the Hershey Chocolate

Factory any trouble along the way and

boyfri here winds up in a can of

elbow For the Love of Mike officers

please believe her she's nuts she's

going to she's going to k*ll

me they're starting to buy it I think

they're starting to

crumble

go to

hell hey is it too much to ask me to

open the window when you want to sh**t

at us

man hey you know what huny this might be

a good time for me to debut my little

love song that I wrote I hope you like

it

ohma you are my

girlfriend you're pretty and you smell

like a girl you've got

the sorry I didn't quite hit that last

cord did

I oh you know what sweets I'll just take

an inty winty bite of that composing

always works up my appetite let me just

have [ __ ] off

well sure honey hey wait a second wait

true lovers would actually share their

candy bars with each other that must

mean that we're not really true lovers

and that must mean that I'm I'm help I'm

an actual hostage I was joking before

when I said she was going to k*ll me but

now I'm not joking when I say she's

going to k*ll me are you picking up the

difference

there

maybe we should call the news boy's

parents down to plead pathetically for

their kids' life all women are suckers

for that crap

right beats me I'm

g*y

really me

too yeah what Mr Peterson this Captain

Beck tell the Greenville police

department I'm afraid I have some bad

news for

you now I knew it who is it the cops did

she take him hostage what do you think

so what do you want us to do about

it we thought you would the misses might

come down and plead with her for your

boy's life sometimes the sight of

overwrought weeping crying loved ones

could be quite

effective we'll

pass what job look buddy if we jumped

every time that kid was held hostage

we'd never have any lives of our own

better leave the phone off the hook dear

those policemen can be very pesky about

these matters good

one God oh please please please don't

k*ll me I'm too young and Bloated to die

all we meant to each other you never

meant anything more to me than any other

Mark oh God she doesn't even know my

name hey Irma what's that giant Harry

giraffe doing over there he's got a okay

all right aha interesting turn of events

huh yeah who's in the kitty litter box

seat now huh baby that's right the old

Switcheroo the old Ingo Bingo the old

flip flop

dooodle I bet little Irma ain't so tough

when the tables are turned

huh little nervous huh huh probably

huh oh mama I can't wait to see what it

looks like when you start to Big give me

that don't k*ll me I'll gladly do your

bidding use me for your

[Applause]

pleasure hey Captain I got my lodge

meeting at 7 what do you say we wrap

this thing up know we tried everything

bro frankly I'm stumped are you guys

forgetting something there used to be a

guy on this Force who was quite a

marksman yeah yeah that's right that fat

drunk guy who's that again me yeah

that's right Gus was the

best give me the high powerered r*fle

with the laser scope and the big

exploding b*ll*ts just promise her

anything she wants when she exits the

house I'll turn her off like a switch

he's going to k*ll

her okay Irma you win you got the car

Bolivia the

Works say night

Gracie D must have slipped

sorry now see she made a move I wasn't

expecting don't be so hard on yourself

you're doing

fine

could you try a little higher and if you

can to the

left fourth time is a

charm I guess you really do need to

practice to keep up the

skill

that's it this [ __ ] is

mine I just bought these shoes prepare

to die [ __ ] you're going to k*ll me get

real

hallo

oh ladies please oh oh no girl

St oh I will not watch this I look at

this no that's now that's childish

somebody's going to get hurt now stop

let's not play games

[Music]

oh are you dead Beast going to let a

woman do your work for you sounds like

she's got it under control Gus come on

you

babies

I got her I got her isn't this the one

kid

uh yeah I think so

Chris oh oh no I I'm sorry no and I hear

her speak no that's not her sorry that's

called hostage disorientation I think

where's the other

one well she got away you idiots you

losers couldn't even hold on to the

suspect after I subdued her for you do

you realize how pathetic this makes you

all look she's got a point we better

bring somebody

in I guess you're

elected jeez it's funny how everything

seems to work out okay in the end isn't

it a simple case of mistaken identity by

the time we learned in a couple of

months we got the wrong bro this whole

Affair will have blown over I will sue

you all you brainless

b*stard

I'm sorry I shot you so many

times yeah hey I forgot about

that today's tense hostage situation

thankfully resulted in only one death

58-year-old [ __ ] paper boy Chris

Peterson elsewhere in the news Charro

Thrills a soldout house at the

I was kidding before when I said she was

for Michael Jackson's latest music video

he got a Little Help from his friends

Eddie Murphy Magic Johnson and Iman

guest star in the king of Pops new music

film Remember the Time directed by John

Singleton of boys in the hood you'll see

the world premiere next Sunday on Fox

right after In Living Color now stay

tuned for Charlie Hoover help me c you

see I need your help please you gotta

please she's going to do it I know she

is