11x10 - Symphony of Solitude

[bunniefuu]

I'm not seeing
my beaver meat.

No way.
This has got to be a trick.

I am not kidding you.

It's all gone.

And now it looks like
I might even have to fast.

I'm [bleep] screwed.

Oh, [bleep].

A mouse has been
defecating all over my fish.

My entire food stash
is trashed.

All that dark stuff,
that's all mouse crap.

The tapping urge,
it builds on itself

until it's all
you can think about.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

Awesome!
I got food for today.

And that's a big one too.

That's a big hare.

I just honor life right now.

Life is very special,
and I'm alive.

I'm alive in the Arctic.

This is my north country!

Ha-ha!

Wa-pshh!

I'm not tapping out.

I'd rather die.

Here goes nothing.

Whoa!

Yes!

Oh, [bleep].

This is the harshest
location possible.

We're 125 miles
in the Arctic Circle.

Ha!

Never had an environment
make me feel

like a complete amateur
before.

Everything is
against us out here.

Mother Nature went
and b*tch-slapped me.

Looks like I've got grizzlies
and wolves as my neighbors.

Holy crap.

They're just hunting
the shoreline.

Mother Nature is about
to dim the lights on us.

We're heading into
total darkness.

Hey, bear.

The cold and the dark

is going to sap
people's souls.

Really makes you wonder
if it's worth it.

There is no camera crew.

There's no support system.

I'm completely alone.

Yes!

People go in one way.

Stop bleeding.

And they come out
entirely different.

This is the most difficult
survival challenge

in the world.

Hoo, hoo, hoo.

$500,000,

that's completely
life-changing money.

It's beautiful.

Whoever can
thrive the longest...

Anything out here
ought to be afraid of me.

Whoever can push through...

- Wins.

I hope I made the right
choice coming out here.

So I heard this river
all night--

crunching, crackling.

A lot of it might have been
this pond over here--

the lake.

I think it's got some
solid ice right now.

Tell you one thing
that really blows.

My gill net is definitely gone.

It's, like, under
all this water now.

Look at that disaster.

There's nothing I can do with
this river right now, man.

That river's got
a while yet, man,

before there's safe ice on it.

Sure as hell can't
fish that thing

in any way, shape, or form.

Food supplies are

rapidly depleting.

That's life here
in the Arctic for me.

Food shortage, severe.

There was mice defecating
all over my fish storage.

I'm just trying to force
myself to stay positive

for this last stretch here,
however long it might be.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we're here

on the banks
of the Mackenzie River

for "Alone" season 11
fashion show

on the catwalk
that's been graced

by none other than
fashion mogul Callie Russell

from season seven.

Today we have Dub Paetz all
the way down from season 11,

brought to you here live
in the Arctic Circle.

Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together

for this stunning,
amazing fashion show.

Ush, ush, ush.

Ush.

Red squirrel lined.

Three red squirrels grace
this beautiful garment.

Straight on the noggin.

Ush, ush, ush, ush, ush.

And cut.

It's getting cold as hell out.

Get my coat on.

Let's go get a fire going.

All right, let's get some
wood thrown in this shelter.

There we go.

I don't know why
my back's all wet.

The [bleep] is this?

Oh, my God.

Water pouring in
on my sleeping bag.

Oh, no.

Serious?

Today is starting
to really suck.

I was having some
condensation issues.

Got, like, slightly warmer.

And then I cranked
a fire, and boom,

all this frozen crap
that was up there

started falling
on my sleeping bag.

I'm going to rip
all this spruce

bough branches off
that are holding this moisture

and go from there.

Every time you breathe,
there's a huge blast

of moisture
that comes out of your mouth.

And it's a combination
of, like, cold air outside

and the warmer air inside,
and there's just moisture

building all on the tarp.

Every time it gets warm,
it drips down,

and it falls on my
sleeping bag and on my bed.

A wet sleeping bag
is disaster.

So I just ripped all this

out of the ceiling
of this side of my shelter

'cause of condensation.

I'm gonna try to move it all
to the outside of the tarp

and let the snow build on top
of that to see what that does.

So...

I gave my teeth
a break yesterday.

I did not chew on jerky
at all,

so I'm gonna chew on jerky.

White fat on the end of that.

So yeah, I slept very quickly
after I went to bed last night.

It was great, and then
I woke up about two hours ago,

so I think that's, like,
eight hours of sleep.

That's awesome.

I never get
eight hours of sleep.

I need some more bunnies,
you guys.

Hopefully I'll see a hare
and just pop it with my bow.

We got a long trudge
through some snow.

There's no animals
or animal tracks of any type.

I have to say,
the river is the real source

of food around here,
but I don't know

when we'll get to ice fish.

The river is such a mess.

So I'm gonna keep out
a snare line

but just in the spots
where it seems profitable.

And we all know that you
can starve on hares

even if you have
a lot of them.

Guys, I'm out here
at my snare line,

and I've arrived
where my snares start.

And I'm really sad, really sad.

I have a busted snare.

You can see the end
of the wire right there.

Busted snare means
an animal got away,

and I'm really sad about that.

Mm.

I don't know if it was
a hare that got in it.

I can't tell by the tracks.

The snow is so churned up here.

I keep thinking, like,
don't leave a stone unturned.

If there's a place to go,
go there,

'cause ain't nothing
anywhere else.

Empty, empty, empty.

Empty all around.

Empty everywhere,
and no fresh hare tracks--

none--since we got
this new snow.

Big waste of time and energy.

I don't know what the other
contestants are running into

with hare population.

My hare population
is not good out here.

The fact that I'm not
catching much new food

over these last few days
does concern me a little bit.

But because of the amount
of jerky that I have,

I know I can go past


My strategy is to
just ration well.

As it stands right now,
that food cache

will last till as long
as the season wants to go.

I have enough food to keep me
going for a long time.

I thought I heard something.

Something making a weird
noise in my food cache.

I'm gonna go look.

Guys, we have been
visited by a new creature

during the night.

And I will show you.

Down here all along my trail,
I see these tracks

that I've never seen before.

They're clearly marked
out here on the ice.

I can't think of what that
would be besides a wolverine.

And guess what.

He got my fish bait.

I had it clogged with a log.

I had a bunch of pike stomach
stuffed down

into this little bucket
that I made.

He's gonna stick around.

That means I have to be doubly
careful on my food cache,

make sure it's secure
all the time.

And I'm gonna keep an eye out
to k*ll that baby.

So I think he'll be back.

I think he'll be back for sure.

I want to eat that thing.

Dadgum. I don't like that.

I got to go run my snare lines.

It's getting late.

I feel that the longer
he's around,

the more scraps he steals--

rabbit guts that I've
thrown out or just whatever--

the more he could be
a real problem.

We can't have that.

All right, we're at the edge
of Moose Meadow.

I want to see that wolverine
that visited us in the night

so I can sh**t a broadhead
right through it.

Here are those tracks.

That's got to be wolverine--
bump, bump, bump,

right along here with mine.

Yeah, he came from back there,

and he followed my tracks.

And that's how
he found my camp.

All the way from back here,

he followed my tracks
into my camp.

He could probably smell
my boots had

some, like, hare blood on it.

That's nutso.

Now, what that means is,
he found food

and he ate and he was happy.

Hope he doesn't become
a huge problem for me.

I want to k*ll it.

Wolverines are raiders.

We think of the Vikings.

Wolverines are gonna Viking you.

So you might have
food stored up.

You might have all
your ducks in a row.

And that wolverine
will raid you.

They're coming to get
what you've got.

God help me k*ll
that wolverine before he

tears something up or gets into
my food cache or my house.

All right.

So I'm pulling the snares.

If I got a hare there,
the wolverine

would have it before sunrise.

A lot of times...
They squeal a little bit

and then predators can
hear that and come running.

So I just pulled all these guys
right here, all these snares.

I'm not gonna come back
to this area for snaring again.

All right.

Back to camp across the lakes.

Today's gonna be
a bit exciting.

We'll get to try ice fishing--

proper ice fishing
for the first time in the year.

Yep, yep, yep, so we got
to keep moving forward.

So yep, one step forward
all the time.

Got to try to keep
making progress.

Progress, progress.

Now that I'm out of beaver,
it's more important than ever

for me to try to focus and
secure food somewhere else.

Without that, you know,
I'm in trouble.

You just got to keep going.

Careful, it's slippery.

Slippery right here.

There's an old saying:

the harder I work,
the luckier I get.

So I got to work hard now,
and hopefully I'll get lucky.

There.

Huh.

Now, first things first.

Like that.

I think my strategy
was a winning strategy,

but losing the beaver
was a major setback

in that strategy.

So now I'm kind of skeptical

of how this is all
gonna turn out.

I'm gonna fight till the end,
but is that gonna be enough?

I don't know.

I know now
that the odds of winning

are getting less
as time goes on,

because I'm pretty sure
somebody got

either a moose or a bear.

Now, when we're in cooking
and fooling around

and see that this here
start to move a little bit,

I know there's something
at the hook.

Close to the old fire here.

Got to keep chasing
opportunities.

Who knows?

But one day at a time
is all I know.

One day at a time.

Pause that right there.

Might not, but I might.

Oh. Good.

Mmm.

It did move.

Ooh, big one.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh.

Whoa! Oh! Oh!

Look at that.

Oh, my God.

You know.

Whoa!

That's the biggest pike
I ever caught on a hook.

Look at the monster.

Thank you!

Yeah!

Oh, that is freaking awesome.

Look at that.

That's a week's eating there.

Yeah!

Hoo!

That saves me, you know?

That pike make up for a lot
of beaver that got lost.

After I lost my beaver meat,
I felt the heat a little bit.

I felt the pressure.

Oh, my buddy, what a big fish.

When you're dealt
with a tough blow,

you just got to stay strong
and keep focused on what

you got to do next, you know?

That's the only way you're
gonna get out of this.

You just can't lie down.

You got to keep going
no matter what.

Oh, jackpot.

Jackpot.

Piece of bait.

Bigger bait, bigger fish,
Uncle Harold always said,

God bless his soul.

I'm relieved,
extremely relieved,

and super happy,
because now I'm secure again.

I knew I could turn it around,

but it even happened
much quicker than expected.

We're gonna have to come up
with some other ideas

to try to figure out
how to keep animals

from getting at my food.

All clear.

What a day.
What a day. What a day.

Well, man,
can't complain, hey, boy?

That is really cool.

OK, gonna introduce
all you guys

to my bass.

Check this out.

Now, here's the base.

It's kind of cramped
in my shelter,

so maybe you can't see
the whole thing at once.

But it's half of a moose
antler, which I found.

The neck is made out of
driftwood, good and dry,

so it'll help
with the resonation.

The top nut is the rib bone
of the moose that I shot.

The string is six strands
of 20-pound

monofilament line twisted.

So this is--

boo-boo, boo-boo, boo--

this is my entertainment.

And I will probably
give it a name.

It's a really crappy bass,
but it's fun.

I don't know why,
but I feel it today.

I feel happy.
I feel good about being here.

Gonna try to just pass
the days the best I can

and just try to enjoy things
and just be, you know?

Ch-ch-ch.

This is a mental game now.

Remember, this journey
on "Alone"--

body, soul, and spirit.

And now it's the spirit
that we're working on.

It's creativity.

That's your spirit.

So I've been working
on a couple songs

I want to debut on "Alone."

♪ If you find my body
on the field of battle ♪

♪ I'll be walking

♪ The fields of gold ♪

♪ If you pick me up
where I fall from my saddle ♪

♪ I'll be riding ♪

♪ Where none grow old ♪

♪ I'll live life free
until disaster comes ♪

♪ Until it comes for me ♪

♪ Go tell my sister ♪

♪ Go tell my lonely mother

♪ Go tell my girl that I loved
her more than any other ♪

♪ We'll meet again one day ♪

♪ And then we're gonna see ♪

♪ Ooh, hoo, hoo ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la

♪ I'll be singing ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, lee-hee

♪ I'll be waiting ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

Later and later
getting daylight all the time.

Yep.

Tell you, days are short.

You can't get a whole lot
done in a day.

But...

holy smokes.

Holy [bleep].

Smoke-tanned.

Oh, [bleep].

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

All the focus today is
gonna be down on the creek.

We're gonna get
a lot of sets out.

If I could cache
a fair amount of fish,

I could almost stop fishing,
you know what I mean?

There's only so much you want.

So I'm gonna try
to cache some fish.

First and foremost,
I'll check this one.

Now we shall put another hole.

As time goes on,
the days are gonna

get shorter and shorter
until eventually the sun

ain't gonna rise no more

and we will go
into complete darkness.

You make your hole as big
as you can, you know?

When it gets frosty,
you'll be happy for it.

I call this one
a whitefish hole.

I come from a cold
environment, and I know

as the daylight dwindle here,
it's gonna get colder.

And colder probably suits me
better than my competitors.

Any fish now entering
the channel coming through now

pass by all these hooks, eh?

I got an idea for another
little project, too, boy.

It was something
that was talked about.

I'm gonna make an ice chest.

I can leave my hooks
in there all night.

I can leave extra bait there
that I need for later.

If I catch a fish,
I can put in an ice chest.

I haven't got to worry
about jays just

picking at it continuously.

So just a little bit
of work while I'm keeping

an eye on my hooks, you know?

All what I learned
is almost like grass roots.

My grandmother's
grandmother was Inuit,

so I got an Inuit background.

And my wife is Inuit.

Survival was tough, you know?

It's just like here,
being on "Alone," you know,

they had to live off the land.

And it's not easy.

We all know that now.

And I didn't realize how tough
a struggle they had, actually,

until this show come along.

There we go.

All right.

Lake is frozen.

I'm ready for ice fishing.

OK, I'm gonna chop a hole.

Oh.

I've been planning my whole
survival around ice fishing,

so I am freaking ready.

I have very little food left,
so this is when I start

really kicking a*s, I hope.

This ice is very thick.

You know, there was
a lot of time

before this show
where I hem-hawed about whether

I was gonna bring
an ax or not with me.

The only reason I always
ended up saying

I was gonna need one
is for this moment right here.

I came in here with the hopes
of getting a big game animal

and fishing as my backup
and knowing full well

that if all else failed,
I can always

bank on my fishing skills.

And right now, I'm banking
hard on my fishing ability.

So I'll give it a shot.

If I don't get a fish
today out of this,

probably gonna get
a little worried, and...

I do not want to be back
to stressing about food, man.

I just knew that there was
gonna be a two- to three-week

time frame where
I was gonna have

a hell of a time getting fish.

Here we are.

I've not caught fish
in a while.

I'm depleting all my food,

and it's starting
to get cold as hell.

I need the food to eat,
to keep me warm.

And it's not comforting
to see my food supply

dwindling down to nothing,
so I really,

really need to get some food.

I literally have two ounces
of questionable,

whether I should eat it
or not, pike left,

but we're gonna eat
some of that.

Question at a certain
point becomes...

Do you want $500,000

this badly?

It's like slime.

Eye socket hanging there
off it.

And it tastes like
absolute hell, man.

And the answer
to that question,

of course, is yes,

I want $500,000 that badly.

So down the hatch.

Dude.

I mean, this is absurd.

I feel glad
that I made it this far,

but I just need a couple fish.

I don't like this realization
I've had today

about how screwed I might be.

Look how far I've fallen.

I'm not sure how much longer
I can push this.

It's a nice day in the Arctic
in Timber's cabin.

Right out my door,
there's Moose Meadow out there.

I've got everything I need.

I've got a fire
crackling right there.

I've got a bunch of firewood
stacked under here.

So yeah,
I'm doing pretty good.

I'm doing pretty good.
I do have to watch.

While I have a fire like this,
then you have to really watch,

'cause it pops, sparks out.

I'm grateful
for an awesome day.

It's really bright.

It's gonna be nice.

OK, my project
right now is to sort

my moose jerky into two piles.

And I've sewed a bag
out of my T-shirt.

I sewed a string
across the bottom.

And I'm gonna put
one pile in here.

If it's soft enough
to be chewable,

I'm gonna put it
in this pile over here.

And if it doesn't look
soft enough to be chewable,

it goes in the reserve stash.

I've really eaten
a lot of this.

Oh, no.

I've got a few pieces
that were thick,

and they are starting to mold.

When I see the first spot
of mold on my moose jerky,

my heart just sinks.

How is this happening?

This stuff was not only dry
but, like, overly dry.

I'm gonna work
these few pieces over

and make sure
that I don't lose them.

Cut the mold off
and eat those first.

I can't believe the jerky's
growing mold, guys.

Probably 50% of it
has some mold on it,

but I'm cutting it off.

No man ever k*lled
that much meat

and got to enjoy
less of it fresh than me.

OK, the time has come
to thaw out some fish

and to cook some lunch.

All right, we counted
the lard up today.

It's gonna run out soon.

That is a sad thought,
'cause that stuff

is what's keeping me going.

I lived for weeks on boiled
fish when I got out here,

and I can do it again
if I catch more fish.

I don't know
what's wrong with me.

I feel like I'm probably
eating better than most "Alone"

contestant ever probably,

and I'm still just starving,

losing weight,
losing condition,

losing strength,
and starving, hungry.

Even though
I'm eating each day,

I just lust after food

in the most crazy way
all the time.

I think the mental game
is really big now.

Has to be the main thing
I play at--

managing the mind.

Or my mind will check out.

It just about reached
that point of,

I want it to be over.

So I really have to just
buckle in,

find things to enjoy,
keep my mind on track,

keep it reined in from
thinking on certain things.

I miss my family
like you can't even believe--

way worse than I thought
I would face.

But I'm gonna
buckle in mentally

and just
try to do the best I can.

I don't know why
I'm still scraping.

There's nothing more.

Today we're gonna make
our second gill net.

That looks good.

I'm going to set
the gill net in the lake.

Nice, fresh hole.

Daylight is dwindling, man,
and it's only gonna get worse.

So I need to take advantage
of every second of daylight

that I have left.

All right, let's see
how this works.

Never set a gill net
in the ice.

My plan is pretty much slip
this damn thing under the ice

just like that.

Gill net deployed.

In addition
to the gill net today,

I'm gonna put a hook down
with some fish meat on it.

I'd really like
to get some fish.

I'm giving it all.
There's nothing to spare.

I am just trying to make it,

'cause each day gets colder.

Each day gets darker.

And each day gets harder
to freaking keep my hand

away from that damn button.

The freedom that $500,000
would give me

is something
I just can't even imagine.

I'm extremely close
with my mom.

You can tell I'm a mama's boy.

If I won the 500,000,
I would immediately

pay my mom's house off.

Everything she's
ever given to me,

finally I can give
something back.

I really need
to win this so bad.

Nothing.

Bummer.

It's getting cold, man.

I'm gonna head back.

Every day, it gets
darker and darker

faster and less daylight.

At night,
there's nothing to do.

I have to sit in this shelter
for the next 16 hours

till it's light out again.

There's nothing but time.

So I made this violin.

So the strings
are gonna come from here,

go across the top
of that bridge,

up to here where they're gonna
be tied off on something

that can tighten and loosen.

I put pine pitch on the string.

Has a 550 inner paracord and...

It needs a little bit of work.

That does, but--

Can also be a guitar.

♪ I came on "Alone" ♪

♪ And I thought
it would be easy ♪

♪ I caught hundreds
of pounds of pike ♪

♪ And a few inconnu ♪

♪ And I ate them all ♪

♪ And now I'm feeling

♪ A little down and out

♪ Oh, I think I'd trade
it all right now ♪

♪ For a hug from my mom ♪

♪ Because I don't think
I can last ♪

♪ Much longer ♪

♪ 'Cause my tank is empty ♪

♪ My tank is empty

♪ What do I miss the most ♪

♪ I miss my mom and my dad

♪ And it's

♪ I think it's about time
for me to go ♪

. Oh, [bleep].

All right, guys,
the time has finally come

to get out
on the river a little bit.

There's little zones
that we can get to

and fish that are safe.

So I'm gonna get there, and I'm
going to drop a few lines in.

So I've got three
steel hooks and a bunch

of bone gorge hooks.

Let's get out
on the ice and do it.

Physically, I'm pretty solid.

It's not that thick.

Not too hard to get to.

Mentally, my moods
swing around a bit.

I still have some glorious
moments, you know,

and a lot of moments
where I'm just like,

you know, I'd like
to be at home.

Go down in, baby.

It's a-going.
Good.

There.

All right.

That's one rig.

It's reached the point where,
like, being here each day

is more of a struggle
against the strong desires

just to be at home,
be with my family, you know?

Yeah, I think that's got it.

But I'm not going
down that road yet.

I mean, you know,
don't open those doors.

On this one, we have
a bone gorge hook,

so let's drop it in.

And so got
to buckle in mentally,

keep my mind on track,

keep it reined in from
thinking on certain things

going forwards.

Yeah.

There we go.

All right, it's in.

All right, now let's get
out of here and go home.

I need to warm up my feet.

Some of this nice new wood.

Grab some tinder.

I'm good at struggling
through stuff.

It's OK.
I'm still good.

I've still got
some food to eat.

Here we go.

That's a good start.

Looks like that'll
take off too much.

Whoa.

It's hot.
.

That's gonna catch
something on fire.

.

Pot over it, so it'll help
block some of the flames.

Wow.

That was crazy.

Wow.

That was--that was
too much too fast.

I used some dead spruce
with the dry needles on it,

and it went like gunpowder.

That came pretty close
to catching the ceiling

on fire there.

That was volatile is the only
way I can describe that.

Wow.

That was nutso.

That was straight-up nuts.

Wow.

Now I've got to put
some more water in the pot

'cause I dumped half the water
out on this thing.

Well, guys,
today was a tough one.

I didn't bring in
any food today.

I almost caught
the shelter on fire.

So now I can see
a big risk area

with the part
that almost caught on fire.

Like, it's at
a high risk of this

just happening any moment now.

It's like, you just go
from one problem to the next.

I mean...

There's almost no such thing
as kick back and cruise.

You just have
to troubleshoot and work,

troubleshoot and work,

try to piece it together.

So I'll work on that mentally
and try to figure out

what I need to do
to make it safer.

Good night, world.

Up through here.

Right, there he is.

Whoa.

Calm down.

Take your time.

What an eventful morning.

Now, we'll check
our other hooks and that

and look at the net.

And the bait is still on there.

Oh, Lord, jeez, I was wrong.

I was wrong.

Oh, damn.
Oh, damn.

Oh, this is huge,
huge, huge, huge.

OK, I have to.

Huge whitefish.

Oh, my God.
It's the biggest one yet.

Oh. Oh, yeah, he was tough.

Holy freak,
look at the size of that.

Oh, my God.

That's a monster.

Oh!

Oh. Truly blessed
again this morning.

Oh, my God.
Look at that.

What's that, a 12-pound?

Kiss the fish.

Oh, my God.
Look at that.

Oh, in the old box you go,
my buddy.

I'll tell you, my food cache
is looking pretty darn good

again already, you know?

Plus that grouse.
So it's looking good.

It's looking real good.

Yeah, I'll get
a few more ice blocks

to reinforce the ice chest,

make this an impenetrable
fortress so that

Sassy can't even get in there.

My food strategy is, I want
to get enough food to keep me

on at least a 10-day cycle,
because within that 10 days,

I know that I should
be able to get food

to carry me down the next 10.

Caught it on camera.
Hee-hee.

That's pretty good.

Let's go eat.

Oh, look at that.
Look at that.

Just as I expected.

Look down there on the ice.

My beloved Sassy.

Now, really, I got
the best food security

I had since I come here.

So that's pretty darn good.

I'm really happy with that.

Sassy's got to go
hunt for herself now.

Goodbye, Sassy.

Good morning, everybody.

Got some snow last night.

Quite a bit.

A few inches of powder.

Cold as hell.

The sun's out a little bit.

It's almost the time of year
when the sun never rises.

So--

and this is pretty much
the sunrise right here.

That's what we get.

In addition to the cold,

right now, we're losing eight
minutes per day in sunlight,

which means in less
than a month,

it's gonna be pitch black
almost the entire time.

So I'm hoping today is the day
we can get on this river.

If it's not,
we're in big trouble.

I have no backup plan.

But it's cold enough

that it should not be
a problem.

So we're gonna see what we can
do about that, I guess, eh?

OK, we're gonna give it a go

on the edge of this river
right here.

I'm not going out
any farther than this,

which is right
on the freaking edge.

I got all
the safety equipment on.

I'm gonna chip this hole out,

try to get some burbot back in.

So the other night
when I sang that song,

I went completely
off the rails on it.

But I want to be able to say,
like, why I just broke down.

Dropping this hook down with
a little bit of bait on it.

I really hope like hell my
family and my parents are OK.

Hope a pike hits it.

Hope like hell.

So you're out here away
from your family for so long.

When you're so isolated,
you have a lot of time

to think about everything.

Gonna watch that close.

If it tips over,
there's probably a fish on.

And you started thinking
about worst-case scenarios,

and you start thinking about,
jeez, man, you know,

my mom's getting
up there in age.

And I might never
get to see her again.

I mean, my mom could be
deathly ill

right now at this moment
and I wouldn't know about it.

Not particularly deep
right there,

but it's all we got.

So all of a sudden, it just,
like, hit me in a weird way

that I miss my mom and my dad.

Don't hate me too much
for trying to be vulnerable.

I'm trying to be as honest
as I can here.

Holy [bleep].

Holy [bleep],
there's a fish down here.

Holy [bleep].
Holy [bleep]. Holy [bleep].

Huge pike.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

This is so [bleep] good.

Oh, please, please, please,
please, please, please.

Yes!

Yeah!

Oh!

Oh, my God, yeah, dude.

Oh.

Oh.

Thank God, man.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, dude.

I just went from, like,

I'm gonna lose
this competition...

Because I don't
have any food left...

To, I have a 40-inch pike
on the ice.

And I can stay another
freaking week from this fish.

That is the biggest pike
I've ever caught.

Look.

Look what I just did.

That thing
is a freaking monster, man.

Yes!

That changes my entire
freaking everything.

For the last two days,
I'm like, I'm screwed, man.

There's nothing I can do.

I'm gonna lose.

And I got a freaking


that's, like,

way more
than a week's worth of food.

I'm gonna be able to eat
until I'm full every day

for over a week now from this.

What a freaking miracle.

It's late, late morning.

I stayed laying down
for a long time.

And part of it,
I realized, was that I

didn't want to face the day.

So that made me disturbed
that I felt that way.

And I have to get up
and face the day.

Can't procrastinate on that.

I have to do something
to make it

a little safer with the fire,
and I've decided

to use the moose hide again.

The range hood
that I have up there

to help against the smoke,
I'm gonna see

if I can pull the nails out,
take it down,

and then nail it up
on the ceiling in the places

where the moss
is getting so dried out

that it's at extreme risk
of catching fire.

I just have to do
what needs done today.

I'm not really looking forward
to the day,

but we'll work it out.

My fire system is a problem.

It's actually dangerous,

and it has me
really, really bothered.

I'm finding
that these have become

really difficult days
mentally.

I don't know if I'm gonna
be able to get these nails out.

I got one.

The darkness
is getting longer.

The hunger is biting
a little deeper.

Ah, there we go.

There I come.

I'm getting a little thinner.

The cold just grows
a little bit.

That came. Good.
Thank you, Lord.

And all of those things
just feel a little ominous.

Got it.

OK, now let's look
back here at the damage.

I feel so strongly

that I have to bring in
more food.

I'm hungry so much each day
because my meals are tiny.

My jerky supply is molding.

I could lose
because I run out of food

and run out of options.

There are no hares anymore.

No grouse.

No porcupines.

No beaver.

No muskrats.

It's pretty crazy.

So I'm trying my best.

All right, I've just got done
playing chimney sweep,

but I have the moose hide
nailed up there

and a lot of gaps plugged
with dirt and a stone

and just anything I could piece
together to make it safer.

So now I don't have a smoke
shield range hood here,

but I'll just have to get by.

Let's get a fire going.

You know, I feel
like I've thrived

out here in so many ways.

But today I had to admit
that I'm now struggling.

And it's OK
to struggle sometimes.

All right.

And the house is filled
with smoke like before.

That smoke shield
was really helping.

Now it's gonna be tough.

But this is beyond
what I just

want to just drink in
from this landscape right now

and this experience.

It's beyond that,
and I'd rather be home.

But I have come
to the realization

that there's more important
things than just

achieving what was in my mind
at the beginning.

That's important, all right.

The journey we have in life
cannot be dictated

by our expectations and what
we had in our mind at first.

It just can't be,
or else we'll break.

So I'm trying
to let things play out

and let God define
what my journey should be.

When I struggle, I really need
to feed the soul

with Psalm 27.

"The Lord is my light
and my salvation.

"Whom shall I fear?

"The Lord is the strength
of my life.

"Of whom shall I be afraid?

"When the wicked,
my enemies and foes,

"came upon me to eat
up my flesh,

"they stumbled and fell.

"Though a host
should encamp against me,

my heart shall not fear."

"Though w*r should rise
against me,

in this will I be confident."

"One thing have I desired
from the Lord,

that will I seek after."

I literally wanted to be
at home today so badly,

it was crazy.

And my go-to these days is
just to talk to God about it.

I'm like, God,
I feel like I'm not done

with whatever it is that you
want me to experience here.

"This poor man cried,
and the Lord heard him."

And I began to feel strength
ebb into me

and some desire
creep back into me.

So I didn't really
have it of myself.

It's how I get by, and I've
found it to work for me

in some pretty trying
circumstances--

much more trying than this.

I hope that my journey
through a low day

will connect with somebody
and help somebody,

'cause I'm just fine.

And I'm gonna face
another day.

I sees a fish.

Oh. Whoa.

Holy--that's like a dream.

I hardly cook my food,
'cause I want to get as much

out of it as I can.

There's the spawn.

I'm getting ice clumped
all in the bottom of my boots.

I've got one toe
that's super painful,

so I think there's
some frostbite on it.

It feels real cold
to the touch.

What was that noise?

I don't know if it's the right
decision to go out there,

but I got to go check.

The hell is that?