(CAR DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE)
(ENGINE STARTS)
LILY: Buddy,
I said I was sorry.
(EXAGGERATED REMORSE)
I'm sorry, Renn!
God, are you just gonna
punish me forever?
You are? Oh, my God.
That's so sad.
You left me.
I know. I know.
I thought you were
right next to me.
I wasn't.
I know.
I was in the store.
I know.
And some old lady
kept asking if I was lost,
and I kept saying no,
but she kept asking,
and her breath
smelled like batteries.
Double-A?
Hey, Renn.
I am so sorry.
That will never,
ever happen again.
-You promise?
-Pinkie.
I will never leave you
in a store again.
You'll never leave me?
I'll never leave you.
-100%?
-100%.
Okay.
I'll never leave.
I promise.
(PHONE BUZZES)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
LEIGH: Renn. (SNIFFLES)
She's gone.
(LEIGH CRIES)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
CLERK: Davis here.
Yep. Mmm-hmm.
Okay. Cleveland.
-All right. Enjoy your flight.
-Thank you.
CLERK: All right. Next up.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
LEIGH: Hey, it's me, again.
Um, I'm just trying
to get in touch with you
before you board.
There's a lot going on
here right now,
so I could really
use your help.
(VOICEMAIL BEEPS)
Hey, uh, Renn,
it's Kevin.
Here's what I think.
I'm trying to promote you
to supervisor.
It's a big honor.
Just take a few days.
Think it over.
-I'll call you, okay?
-(VOICEMAIL BEEPS)
DARREN: Hey, buddy. It's Dad.
I'm tracking your flight
in case
you change your mind about
wanting me to pick you up.
-Glad you're coming home.
-(VOICEMAIL BEEPS)
(MUFFLED)
Anything out there?
-Sorry?
-Anything out there?
-No.
-That's a bummer. (SIGHS)
I was hoping for aliens
or robots or robot-aliens.
-You know what I mean?
-(MAN SNORING)
Yeah. And here I was,
relieved with nothing.
You're wanting
this flight to be all quiet
and, well, me, someone
who's afraid of flights,
really wants it to all just turn
into a Michael Bay film.
What Michael Bay film?
Con Air, specifically.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I don't... I don't think
he directed that one,
-actually.
-Hmm?
Okay. Well, yeah.
It's still a great movie, so...
Con Air is a great movie.
Every action movie from
the '90s is a great film.
-Okay, so you're
afraid of flying.
-Yes.
You think every action movie
-from the '90s is a great film?
-Of course.
Yeah, I think
this is going very well.
And yet,
I know nothing about you.
Ask away.
Oh, you are gonna regret
saying that.
I ask so many questions.
Okay, what kind
of music do you listen to?
Dogs? Or should we just end
this conversation right now?
And what do you do for a living?
Is Cleveland
your final destination?
Are you from there?
And what's your name?
Um... going in order,
if I can remember them all.
Sad British pop music.
Dogs, of course.
I think they're better
than people.
I'm... a writer.
Uh, I'm a born-and-raised
Clevelander.
Um... And my name is Renn.
Your turn.
I am not from Cleveland.
(SCOFFS)
And I'm going there
for a work conference.
I'm Zoey.
(GIRL SHUSHING)
(PLANE INTERCOM CHIMES)
FLIGHT ATTENDANT:
Prepare for arrival.
RENN: I see you're, uh,
taking in our beautiful
Cleveland weather.
Yeah, this sucks.
-(CHUCKLES)
-Yeah.
(PHONE BUZZES)
That the Missus?
No, uh, it's my sister.
Oh. Home to see the family?
Uh, yeah...
-Ish... not really.
-Okay?
All right, that's incredibly
vague and makes me want
to ask you a million
more questions, but...
um...
my car is here. So...
Yeah, well, um,
you're new to the city.
If you need a restaurant
recommend, I don't know.
Do you want to...
We don't have to.
No. Give me your phone.
-Okay.
-Yes.
I never know how to ask that.
No, it was smooth.
-Yeah. Very.
-Yeah.
There you go.
See ya.
-(HORN HONKS)
-(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
Do you mind taking
the long way, please?
DRIVER: What?
The long way?
To my destination,
if you don't mind.
DRIVER: It's a super
weird thing to ask.
Kind of expensive,
but yeah, sure, of course.
Just give me five stars.
Thanks.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
LILY: What?
RENN: Show me your hands.
Mom, did you steal
the espresso spoon?
-What spoon?
-The spoon you asked
the waitress for,
for your espresso,
even though you didn't
order an espresso.
-That one.
-Oh, that one.
RENN: Yeah.
-What about it?
-You cannot steal
espresso spoons
from restaurants.
You know, they prepare for this.
They stock up, the restaurants.
-What are you talking about?
-They have extras.
In fact, they're happy
when you steal them.
-They're happy about it?
-Yep.
And why are they happy?
Because they need
you to steal them.
They have too many.
Just too many.
-Yes.
-They're running out of room.
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense
when you put it like that.
You're like the Robin Hood
of spoons.
-Yeah.
-Great, well...
-You're a kleptomaniac, so...
-(LAUGHS)
...I don't know
what to tell you.
This is insane.
Stole a bunch of stuff again.
Oh, it's just a spoon, come on.
Smile.
-My mom's a criminal.
Okay, let's go.
-(LAUGHING)
-(KNOCK ON DOOR)
-RENN: Yeah, one sec.
-(KNOCKING CONTINUES)
-Yeah?
-Hey.
-Hey.
I didn't hear you come in.
Yeah, no, I just...
I just got in.
Uh, the ride took forever.
I would have come
and gotten you.
You're probably busy and...
Dad was gonna get you.
Leigh, I... I'm good.
Right? I'm here.
-So...
-Okay.
-Are you okay?
-What?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
I'm... I'm fine.
All right. I'll let you,
um, settle in.
-Yeah. I'll just...
-Yeah.
Um, I was thinking
we should probably aim
to leave at 9:00 tomorrow
because we have
a bunch of stuff to do.
-9:00.
-9:00. Great.
Okay.
Happy you're home.
Good to see you.
-(DOOR CLOSES)
-(WHISPERS) What am I
talking about?
(SIGHS)
DARREN: It's not in there.
The booze? The good stuff?
I moved it.
I would... I would have
picked you up from the airport.
RENN: Oh, I know.
You like to take the long way.
So, how are you doing?
Yeah, fine.
How are you doing?
How am I doing?
Dad, come on, you were
married to her for 15 years.
Don't you worry about me, okay?
Let's focus on you.
How's work?
-Your place, your apartment?
-Uh...
It's... I mean...
It's good, Dad. I mean...
What's going on?
-What?
-Mmm-mmm.
(GLASS THUDS)
I feel like I'm failing you.
What do you mean?
-That I'm failing you.
-You're not.
Yeah, well,
I feel like I am. I...
I feel like I should
tell you something
comforting and profound.
-Like what?
-I don't know.
Quoting Thoreau or something.
I don't even know if he's
the right author, actually.
-The woods guy?
-Yeah. He went to the pond.
-Why do you need to quote him?
-Because that's what we do.
When we don't have the words
ourselves to get through stuff,
we borrow it from somebody
else who said it.
No, I don't need to quote trees
to get through this, Dad.
I'm... I'm fine.
And you're fine,
and Leigh is Leigh,
and we're all fine.
No, we are not fine, okay?
We're sucking.
Officially, we are.
I mean, look at us,
right now.
Here we are in this perfect
father-son, kitchen table,
drinking-after-dark moment.
I can't think of a single
g*dd*mn thing to say
that doesn't sound
like I was just googling
"how to console a loved one."
Did you?
Yes.
(SCOFFS)
Sorry, what did it say?
That I'm f*cking this up.
You are not f*cking it up.
Okay? You're here.
You got me my favorite booze.
You googled something about...
"How to console a loved one."
How to console a loved one.
See? You're doing great.
-Great.
-Well, good.
A-ha. "Good."
-Yeah.
-Borderline sucking.
No, because if you were really
great, that would be weird.
I would... I would...
This is better.
You shouldn't be a pro at this.
Well, thank you.
For making me feel better.
Of course.
That's what I'm here for.
Ah. Okay. Ooh.
(DARREN GROWLS AFFECTIONATELY)
RENN: Yes. Great.
-Okay.
-All right.
Don't stay up late.
No chance. I'm beat.
(PHONE CHIMES)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
I got to say,
this is kind of weird,
not having our mouth-breathing,
disgusting friend between us.
Yeah. God, I miss him.
I miss him. Yeah.
Miss him so much.
-But here we are, you know.
-(CHUCKLES)
-You look amazing.
-I wanted to look nice.
Airplane me was...
airplane me.
What would you like?
Uh, champagne, please.
Oh, fancy.
I like to set a mood.
Uh, champagne for her.
And I'll take a tequila soda
with lime, please.
ZOEY: That's all
you're going to say?
What do you want me to say?
I mean, it's Cleveland...
I don't know, you know,
more than that.
I mean, you're going to make
me pull it out of you.
You're worse than my patients.
-Patients.
-Mmm-hmm.
Doctor?
-Therapist.
-Oh, no.
Oh, oh, this is bad.
I'm going to have to leave now.
But it was so fun.
How had it been two hours
and you're just now telling me
you're a therapist?
You really want me
to answer that?
No, I don't, actually.
-Mmm-mmm.
-So...
they don't have, like,
therapy conventions
in the place that you live in?
Oh, no, they do.
They do. Yeah.
Then why Cleveland?
Why is this still my question?
I asked you a question.
What was it like growing up
in the land of Cleve?
Yeah, I answered
said question, but fine.
You hang out
in someone's basement,
make out
in someone's basement.
You know, there's a lot
of basement-related activities.
-Mmm-hmm.
-And it's just that.
You know, you spend time
with family.
-Spend time with friends.
-Mmm.
That's it. Your turn.
Well, I'm here
for a therapy conference. So...
Yeah, but...
But I'm also
getting a divorce.
I didn't know people came
to Cleveland to get divorced.
(LAUGHS) They don't.
Uh, but they do
come to Cleveland
when their ex is finally
moving out of the house
and they need to get away
for a couple days.
So, if you don't mind me asking,
what was the cause of death?
Well, I mean,
the death certificate would say
his infidelities,
but I think that's like saying
Scarface died
from falling off of that ledge
rather than
the thousands of b*ll*ts
that hit him
on his way down, you know?
Sick Scarface reference.
Thanks.
Well, I'm sorry. That sucks.
I'm not.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
-RENN: Oh.
-Oh!
So what about you?
I mean, I remember you saying
that you were here spending
time with your sister,
so I guess why are you home?
A family reunion.
That's cool.
Oh, yeah.
Well, cheers to you
spending more time
with your family.
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
This was really nice.
This was really nice.
Thank you.
Another drink? One more?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
(SIGHS)
DARREN: How was the flight?
It was good.
Did you eat?
No.
Well, if you're hungry
or whatever,
-there's gonna be food there.
-At the restaurant?
Yeah, of course there's gonna be
food in the restaurant.
I'm just saying
if you were wondering, maybe.
No, I'm not hungry.
Who's gonna be there?
Uh, Mom, Leigh,
me, you, and Rick.
-Rick?
-You excited to see Rick?
Yeah. I just...
I can't wait.
One big happy family, huh?
Well, happy or not,
it is a family.
Exactly what your mom
needs right now.
-That and a miracle.
-You don't know that.
Yeah, I've seen the research.
Well, in case you're wrong...
The case study,
I mean, Dad, come on.
In case you're wrong,
what's wrong with
being positive?
You mean be fake?
Pretend? Dad, come on.
I'm not saying the road
ahead is going to be easy.
And I'm not saying
to pretend or be fake.
I'm saying, I don't think
you should plan to lose her.
Because... I think
there's a lot of memories
still to come
that you'll miss out on.
Yeah.
Uh, Wheeland?
Uh, Barona, actually.
-DARREN: Hey.
-Hey.
-DARREN: Good to see you.
-Good to see you.
-You look good.
-So do you.
-(LILY CHUCKLES)
-Come sit.
-Nice place.
-Yeah.
Yeah.
I hope the food's okay.
I don't know.
It probably is.
Okay, so, um,
before we get started,
I have two rules, all right?
Number one is there is
going to be no crying.
All right?
If anybody has to cry,
they will go to the bathroom.
And, um, number two...
let's not make this weird.
I know that Rick is on his way.
Darren is here.
This is the first time
that we have all been together.
I don't want it to be awkward.
Okay.
I think you broke
rule number two.
(LAUGHTER)
-Oh.
-DARREN: What'd you get?
-I got you tequila.
-It's the house Cab.
-DARREN: Can I get
one of those?
-Thanks, Mom.
-(WHISPERS)
Should have got a bottle.
-LEIGH: I know.
LILY: So, how was the flight?
RENN: Mmm.
The flight was good.
Kind of long. Uh...
About two minutes into it,
the guy sitting next to me
decided to take his shoes off.
-DARREN: What?
-Oh, no.
-RENN: And his socks.
-No.
And then, about halfway through,
he pulled out a bag
of hardboiled eggs
-and just started peeling them.
-LILY: No.
No, he did not.
Who travels with eggs?
I swear to God.
Hey, buddy.
I'm very happy to see you.
Yeah. Me too.
And thank you very much
for taking me today.
-It's very sweet of you.
-Of course.
RICK: Hi.
Hi. Hi, hi. Hey.
-Okay.
-Oh, I guess we...
-Hi.
-Hi.
-Sorry, traffic was crazy.
-It's okay.
Just a crazy day.
What? I stopped at the bar.
I was finishing a call.
-What did I miss?
-LILY: Nothing.
I was just telling
Leigh that I was grateful
that she came with me
to the clinic.
And I said, "Of course."
Yeah, thanks.
Sorry. I couldn't.
(SIGHS)
LILY: All right, so, a toast.
Thank you, everyone,
for coming tonight.
I wanted to say how
much I appreciate
you all being here with me.
And...
I know that the next few months
are going to be really tough.
(SOBS)
I'm breaking rule number one.
(CHUCKLES)
-Uh, what?
-So silly.
What rule, what?
You...
Did she make rules?
DARREN: Doesn't matter.
CROWD:
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday
Happy birthday...
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANS)
Let's hear it.
From here, we go to the hospital
to get her things.
Then we go
to the funeral home
-to meet with Rick.
-(GROANS)
And then,
we go to meet the priest.
The what?
The priest.
-The priest.
-A priest.
-A "priest" priest?
-Yes.
She's Jewish.
Rick said she wanted one.
-A priest?
-Yes.
-At her funeral?
-Yes.
Even though
she's literally Jewish.
-You already said that.
-This is insane.
I don't know.
That's what he said.
That our Jewish mother
wanted a priest at her funeral?
Not once in my 28 years
on this planet
did I ever once hear her say,
"You know, when I die,
"make sure to go find
some random f*cking priest
"to give the eulogy
at my funeral."
-I don't know, it's Rick's call.
-How?
-We're her children.
-Because he's paying for it.
Oh, my God.
That's an insane statement.
-Why?
-Because this isn't like,
"I'm paying for dinner,
I feel like blooming onion.
"Let's go to f*cking
Outback Steakhouse."
This is her life.
-Okay. Here we got some...
-(WHISPERS) What the f*ck?
...pancakes.
We got...
extra crispy bacon.
Melon...
and some yogurt.
Uh, all good?
-LEIGH: Thank you.
-Yay.
All right, fine.
-What comes after the priest?
-And then we go to Mom's house,
and we get her clothes for...
For the coffin?
Even though
she wanted to be cremated.
-You don't know that.
-She hated it here.
-She did not hate it here.
-Leigh.
Leigh, she hated it here.
I mean, maybe she loved it
in like an "I was born
and raised here,
"so it's home"
kind of way, but no.
No, she hated it here.
And now,
she's going to be buried
in the cold Cleveland ground
-forever.
-Well, maybe if you would have
answered your phone
any one of the 30 times
that I tried to call or
text you in the past few days,
then you could have been a part
of the decision-making process.
Whatever.
Let us pray
for this bountiful harvest.
Thank you for this food, amen.
Okay.
The priest would have done
a better job.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
Can you help me?
Yeah, sorry.
So there's, um,
a treatment at Ohio State.
And the results look promising.
Yeah, how do you know that?
It says it right there.
Yeah, but they're all gonna
say the results are good.
I mean, they... I...
How do we know
this is a good choice?
(CLEARS THROAT)
There's one at MD Anderson.
(AUDIO DISTORTS)
Maybe I could call Lisa
and have her help me
through this thing...
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)
KIM: She loved that thing.
Slept with it every night.
And you must be Renn.
Yeah, hi.
KIM: It's nice
to finally meet you.
-Hi.
-Oh, honey.
I'm so sorry.
LEIGH: Thank you.
Renn, did you meet Kim?
She took amazing care of Mom.
She always snuck her
in extra desserts.
Your mother
was a pleasure to know.
Well, follow me.
I've got the rest
of her things packed up.
Thank you, room.
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
LEIGH: Mom, you can't stay
in there forever.
LILY: (CHUCKLES)
Um, uh, yes I can.
Okay, what if we come in there?
LILY: Renn,
that is the exact same thing
as me coming out there.
I'm not doing it, no.
Not doing it.
Mom, it's temporary, okay?
It's gonna grow back.
-Don't stress.
-LEIGH: Okay.
How about you take a picture
and text it to us,
and then we're not
really seeing you,
and you're not really seeing us.
LILY: All right, fine.
All right. Okay, I'll do it.
I just need a minute.
-(SIGHS)
-Can we stop?
Leigh?
Leigh, can we stop
somewhere, please?
No. We have a schedule.
Just for a minute.
So how's John?
-He's fine.
-When's he coming in?
Uh, I don't... I don't know,
he's working on it.
What does that mean?
It means that he's got some work
stuff that he's gotta deal with,
and he's gonna
come out when he can.
Okay. Are you angry with me?
No.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
Because it really feels
like you're angry with me.
Why are you suddenly so
interested in how I'm feeling?
Let's just... Let's just
talk about something else.
Okay. How's John?
See, in the comedy world,
we call that a callback.
I don't want to talk about
comedy either.
Wait. We need to
talk about the schedule.
What about it?
-We need to amend it.
-Why?
I gotta buy a tie.
You didn't bring a tie?
I don't own a tie.
You don't own a tie?
Not a black one.
Not one that I can
wear to a funeral.
Yeah. Okay, fine.
RENN: Why is that
so annoying you?
You can borrow my car later,
it's fine.
RENN: Thank you.
Can I borrow it now?
This place is so depressing,
I just want to drive
into the wall.
Oh, sh*t. I saw that.
LEIGH: What?
-Uh, that was a smile.
-It wasn't a smile.
What is this,
my first day on Planet Earth?
Yeah, that was a smile.
It was a slight smile.
Still a smile.
LEIGH: Fine, it was a smile.
All right, I'm gonna go
find Rick. Don't say "ugh."
Yeah. You do that. I'm gonna
stay right here in sad town.
(SIGHS)
LILY: Divorce him?
You have to do something, Mom.
I can't divorce Rick.
Not now anyway.
-Why not?
-Because...
Because I... (SIGHS) I...
So you're just
gonna stick it out?
That sounds awful.
Well, honey,
what is the alternative?
I'm going to be
a then twice-divorced,
56-year-old lady
-living in Cleveland.
-Mmm-hmm.
That is the saddest sentence
I have ever said.
Yeah. The only sad part
about that statement
is that you're
living in Cleveland.
I mean,
you got to get out of here.
Go to Paris.
-Mmm-hmm.
-Go to Alaska.
-(LILY LAUGHS)
-Go to Rome.
-Rome?
-Yes.
-(LAUGHS)
-You should go somewhere.
-Oh, my God.
-Anywhere else.
Do your Eat, Pray, Love thing.
You know, minus the "pray."
Yeah. And minus the love.
Because, uh,
it's not happening.
-So what do we have? We have...
-Then you have eat,
-eat, eat.
-Eat, eat.
-That's sounds good.
-Yeah. Honestly.
But seriously. Seriously,
Mom, you should go.
No, I can't. My job.
-Then quit your job.
-No, I can't quit my job
because then I have a house to
pay for and then I have a car,
and I do have a life here.
I do. I can't... I can't go,
as much as I would like to,
I can't and...
Well, then, I'll come home.
I will walk through
this divorce with you, okay?
-We'll get divorced together.
-(LAUGHS)
You're gonna go through
two divorces?
And then we can find you
somebody nice,
like actually
nice to spend time with.
Like this guy, down here.
He looks very seasoned.
And like he's lived
a great life,
-you know?
-(LAUGHS)
Probably stays up
on his current events,
and there's definitely
options out there.
He's cute.
Yeah. He's... He's also
looks like he's taken.
Rick was not such a bad guy.
I'm telling you, he wasn't.
He was fun.
Sure. Yeah.
But seriously,
I can come home
-and help you...
-No. You're not coming home.
No. You're living your life.
You have to stay writing.
You're such a good writer.
Promise me,
you will keep writing.
Promise me.
-Really?
-Mmm-hmm.
Promise?
I promise.
-100%?
-100%.
LEIGH: Renn. Renn.
Downstairs.
(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)
So, what are we doing here?
What's about to go down
in the consoling room?
Uh, the funeral guy is
just setting up some caskets.
I don't know,
we're just waiting for him.
Setting up?
Yeah.
Like a casket display?
A casket display.
Like a casket showroom?
Yeah. How many more questions
are you going to ask, Renn?
-How many caskets?
-Three.
I mean, three that
fit in my budget.
-You have a casket budget?
-Yeah, I do.
Maybe they have certified
pre-owned caskets
just like the new ones,
but just a little bit cheaper.
I'm sorry, Renn,
do you want to contribute?
Maybe with some of that writer's
money you've been hoarding?
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Well, that's
a particularly low blow.
Okay, enough. Both of you.
(SIGHS)
LEIGH:
Not here and not now.
Rick, who is the funeral guy?
I don't know.
He's just some weird guy
that runs this place.
LEIGH: No.
I mean, what is his name?
It's Bob.
Hi, I'm Bill.
Ah, so nice to meet you.
What was it again?
-Bill.
-Bill, that's right.
So nice to meet you, Bill.
BILL: Excuse me
for one second.
Mrs. Donland,
your family
is going to love you
in that.
It's a forever home.
(LAUGHS)
Okay, then,
let me show you what we got.
Some great options in here.
Question about
the one on the right, Bill.
Can we get
anything written on there?
Like a custom message?
Or is it just the standard
"rest in peace"?
Oh, sure. No, no, no, you could
customize it any way you want.
Names. Dates.
-Favorite saying, perhaps.
-Favorite saying, perhaps.
-That's right.
-Jinx.
-Like "YOLO."
-Renn.
She would have thought
that was funny. Come on.
-Are those her initials?
-LEIGH: You can ignore him.
This one's
interesting on the left.
Oh, well,
that is very popular.
RENN: I can see why, Bill.
I love the idea of
a casket with flames on it.
You know, it really sends a
solid message to your loved one,
where you think they're headed.
Renn.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Do you want to go
with that one, then?
-No, continue ignoring him.
-Yeah, just ignore me.
I vote for the one
in the middle.
I agree.
You heard him.
Well, shall we?
Are you crazy?
I'm trying to promote you
to payroll supervisor.
I know.
It's an honor.
I mean, other people want it.
Uh, like Gary.
He really wants it.
I mean, you can make
a lot of money here.
I mean, you're our guy.
Supervisor of the payroll.
We can wait for you.
Think about it.
I'll call you.
Yeah. Thank you.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
Everything okay?
Yep. All good.
Well, great scheduling job.
From a funeral home
to the cradle
of death itself.
Just be nice in there.
He's a priest.
Yeah, and clearly
a demon followed him home
and moved in.
Is that an Annabelle doll
in the front yard?
-It's not an
Annabelle doll. No.
-It is. Look. Right. It's a...
It's an Annabelle doll.
LEIGH: Maybe he has nieces.
What, and they left it behind?
Maybe he doesn't
know they left it behind.
I'm assuming he's a human
person with human eyes.
Maybe he lost his eyes
fighting the demon
who followed him home.
-Holy sh*t.
-No.
First a smile, then a joke.
I mean, for someone
that didn't want to talk
about comedy an hour ago,
this is pretty huge.
-Don't get used to it.
-Oh, you're changing.
I can see it happening.
Oh, there we go. Right on cue.
A Miata.
He's blocking the sidewalk.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm going to call in
a ticket for him.
You get a juice?
Smoothie juice.
What's a smoothie juice?
Sm-uice.
I'm on a diet, so...
Oh, you look great.
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
Rick. Hey.
-Father Dan.
-FATHER DAN: You must be
Renn and Leigh.
Pleasure to meet you both.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm in the middle of a lesson.
But come in, come in.
Welcome. Welcome.
All right.
Adam, keep practicing.
You're doing great.
Sharon, he's doing great.
He sounds fantastic.
SHARON: It's so good.
I'm so glad you guys
are finally getting
to meet Father Dan.
-Finally?
-RICK: Yeah,
Father Dan has been
a true champion for us
throughout this
entire difficult process.
No, really,
he's a spiritual hero
that, no matter...
how bad it got,
never let us down.
It just means so much that
he'll be there for us
in the end.
Thank you, Rick.
So nice of you to say.
I'm so relieved to hear
that you knew our mother.
I... I didn't know that.
He didn't know her.
He never met her.
-He's more my spiritual hero.
-(SOFTLY) Hero.
RICK: But that's where
you two come in.
I've already told him
tons about your mother.
What she likes,
her favorite foods and stuff.
But what he'll do now
is he'll sit and talk
with you separately,
gather some more information,
and then stitch it together
with my information and...
we'll have our eulogy.
Like a eulogy quilt.
I know you're
trying to be funny,
but, yeah, exactly.
A eulogy quilt.
I got some errands to run,
so I'm going to take off.
Handoff is complete. (LAUGHS)
FATHER DAN:
All right. Thanks, Rick.
-RICK: Thank you.
-Bye, Rick.
FATHER DAN: All right.
(SIGHS)
Sorry I didn't clean up.
I didn't really have
a chance today.
He's getting so much better.
Not so good, like,
maybe two months ago, but...
like that little thing,
doing really well.
-Yeah. Really good.
-Yeah, no, he's really good.
-FATHER DAN: Thank you.
-He's so good.
So, um, who's up?
(CLOCK TICKING)
FATHER DAN: Renn?
Sorry, uh,
can you repeat the question?
Uh... Oh!
How are you?
I'm fine.
So, how does this work?
Um, you just ask me
a series of questions
about how I'm doing,
or do I just keep rambling?
Well, before I get started,
I always like to ask
if the person I'm talking to
would prefer to deliver
the eulogy themselves.
-No.
-I understand.
It can be challenging,
to say the least.
Yeah.
But I still like to ask,
just to make sure
before I get started.
Okay.
Yeah. Yeah, thank you.
The answer's still no, though.
Okay.
Perhaps we should start
by you telling me
a little bit about her.
Tell me about Lily Catherine.
Lily Catherine.
Just curious.
What did Rick say?
What did he tell you
about my mother?
Well, I prefer not to get
into your father's comments.
-Step.
-Stepfather. Sorry.
Stepfather's comments.
Or your sister's,
for that matter.
Okay, so tomorrow's eulogy
is just supposed to be,
like, a surprise?
I don't know if
I'd quite put it that way,
but I've always found it helps
for the person to think
of their loved one on their own.
However you want to see them,
not influenced by anyone else.
So, tell me about her, Renn.
Her hobbies? Favorite movies,
or a favorite memory of her?
Yeah. I don't know. I...
I can't think of one
right now.
What's the first thing
that comes to mind
when you think of her?
That she would have
hated this.
What do you mean "this"?
(SCOFFS) Sitting around,
talking about the end
of her life
with Rick's spiritual hero.
No offense.
Why would she hate that?
Because she hated people
talking about her.
I mean, it's why
she didn't tell anyone
what she was going through.
She, you know,
kept it all inside.
No one could know.
I see.
She hated hearing
people's opinions.
Hearing about some
aunt or uncle
who took a magic pill
and beat it.
Maybe that's a better place
to start.
Not telling you her
favorite hobbies and food.
You know, the bullshit.
Sorry, language.
The stuff she liked.
Because who gives a sh*t?
Again, sorry.
But telling you
what she hated.
Find me somebody who hated
running into someone at the mall
as much as she did.
I think that says a lot more
about my mom.
All the things she hated.
Like people and talking.
And this.
She would have hated this.
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
LEIGH: You did what?
LILY: What?
-What?
-What did you take?
Oh, my God.
I didn't do anything.
-I just took a cup, okay?
-(GASPS) You took a...
-Oh, my God.
You did it again.
-(LAUGHS)
RENN: Leigh, calm down, okay?
People do this all the time
at restaurants.
It's why they keep extras.
They have extra stock.
It's fine.
-Yes, it is.
-LEIGH: That is not true.
Unreal.
-You took the saucer?
-I did. And a spoon.
-You took the entire set?
-(LILY LAUGHS)
RENN: You can't just take
one piece of the set.
LILY: Exactly.
-LEIGH: You guys are going
to get arrested.
-Give me a break.
-LEIGH: I'm not bailing you out.
-Why are you getting
so worked up over this?
Because there
is not one single thing
that you've taken
seriously today.
There has not been one moment
that has registered with you,
and it's f*cking pissing me off.
It's registered with me.
No, it hasn't. It hasn't.
You have been going
through the motions.
It's like you're not even here.
I'm here, okay?
But can you just let me have
my reaction
and figure this out on my own?
You're not figuring it out.
You're making jokes.
You're not feeling anything.
Who cares? This is bullshit.
-This is not bullshit, Renn.
-Her favorite foods?
It's not,
because it's happening.
This is really
f*cking happening.
The day that we've dreaded,
that we've thought about
is finally here.
And you can't continue
to ignore the fact
that she's sick anymore
because she's gone.
-I'm not ignoring anything.
-She's gone.
Are you hearing
what I'm saying?
-Yes, I hear you.
-She's gone.
I hear you.
Well, then have some sort
of reaction.
I'm having a reaction!
I'm yelling, aren't I?
That's a reaction.
Just because you can't see it
doesn't mean I'm not doing it.
Renn, I know you pretty well,
and you're just doing
the exact same thing
that you've always done,
which is you ignore
your problems.
You don't want to feel
anything,
-you don't want to talk
about it.
-I got it.
Well, then ask questions.
Like what?
How are you going
to deal with your life
without having your mom
in it?
How are you going to move on?
You don't need to know
the answers to the questions,
but you need to start
asking them.
No.
Well, then we're going to be
right back here,
we're going to be back here
six months from now,
a year from now,
six years from now,
having the exact same
conversation
and you hitting
the ignore button when I call.
You don't know that.
-Okay.
-Okay.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
(DOOR CREAKS, CLOSES)
I'm going to go up
in her closet
and see what I can find
for tomorrow.
-Okay.
-Um, I don't want
to be here long.
We'll just come back tomorrow
and get the rest of her stuff.
(SIGHS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, buddy.
What are you doing?
(LEIGH SOBBING)
Leigh?
(LEIGH SNIFFLES)
(CONTINUES SOBBING)
WOMAN: Are you lost?
Excuse me? Are you lost?
What?
-Are you lost?
-Uh, sorry. I need a tie.
Oh, men's dress.
Um, right up there.
Oh, sh*t.
You need anything?
Renn?
(SOFTLY) f*ck.
-Hey. Hey.
-Renn, dude.
How's it going, man?
How's LA?
How's the whole
writing thing going?
-Catch me up.
-It's good. LA's good.
You write anything lately?
Anything I would have seen?
No, uh, not yet.
Just taking a lot
of meetings and stuff and...
Oh, sh**t. I mean,
I'm sure it'll pick up.
It takes... You know, my cousin
actually left for LA,
doing the whole acting thing.
Real weird-looking dude.
Yeah, he looks like
he got hit in the back
while he was making
a surprised face,
and his face just kind of
stayed that way.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah. I think
he actually just booked
a laundry detergent commercial.
Are you asking me?
I don't know him.
Yep. No, it was, it was,
it was a laundry detergent
commercial.
Anyhow, dude worked one day,
made 20 grand.
One day, 20 smackaroos?
No, I mean, I've heard the money
in commercials is crazy.
ANDY: Yeah, it's crazy.
You should do them, man.
Yeah. That's more advertising,
but I'll keep that in mind,
for sure.
Yeah, you know,
keep it in mind.
Anyways, how are you, uh,
how you doing, man?
How's, um...
Hey, I heard the news.
I heard about your mom.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I... Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Damn. I, um,
you know, I remember your mom.
She was...
she was a really nice lady.
Yeah. Thank you.
Um, I remember
she used to always be late
to pick you up from school.
Yeah, that's true.
Oh, sorry, that's probably
not the best memory
to bring up right now.
No, it's... it's a good one.
You know, I actually also
remember my mom, one day,
she was late to come pick me up
because my dad had just
gotten fired from work
and he came home early.
And then him and my mom
got into this huge fight
and she stormed out.
And I guess because
she was so pissed,
she forgot to come get me.
And then I remember your mom
came up to me and was like,
"Hey, Andy, I'll just wait
for you, come back in the car,
"we'll listen to music.
It'll be fun."
And then, so I got in the car
with you and your mom,
and then she put on, um...
-Paul Simon.
-Paul Simon.
Yeah. She loved Paul Simon.
And then it was just
the three of us, you know.
Me, you, and your mom
sitting in the car,
listening to Paul Simon.
And then my mom
did come to pick me up.
And then she took me home,
and, man, the two of them
just got right back
to the fighting.
I mean, like,
just all-night fighting.
And I did not want
to hear it anymore,
so I snuck downstairs
and got into their collection,
and I... I found that same CD.
And then I, you know,
went back up
to my little bedroom
and put on my headphones.
I didn't hear them fighting
the rest of the night.
-Yeah.
-Your mom did that for me.
She was, um...
she was a really nice lady.
Thank you.
Sorry, man.
Yeah.
It's good to see you.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Catch me, I'm fallin'
-Yeah!
-Whoo!
Catch me now, I'm falling
Ooh, I'm falling
Ooh, I'm falling
(APPLAUSE)
Thank you, Cleveland!
(CHEERING)
-I will be right back.
-Oh.
-RENN: Hi.
-You're welcome.
You were right. I regret
coming to meet you here.
-So I'm gonna...
-Oh, no, no. It's too late.
Now you have to come
and meet my friends.
You can't leave. Come here.
Guys, this is Renn.
SAM: Oh, Renn.
Hi. Hey.
-Sam.
-Hi. Parker.
-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
You were so good.
That performance was so good.
So good. Will totally
be the top karaoke
performance of the night.
Okay, so my goal for tonight
is to get you up on that stage.
No, no, no. No,
I need, like, 900 shots
if that's gonna happen.
-And it's not gonna happen.
-I'll be right back.
-Yes.
-Oh, my God.
Ah!
Wait, so how do you know Zoey?
Uh, we met fighting
alien robots on a plane.
Oh, okay, so you're one
of her patients?
Yeah.
How do you guys know her?
Go way back or...
-No.
-No, we met her this morning
at our conference.
Yeah, but we already love her.
-Yeah. How could you not?
-Yeah.
Were you guys
just talking about me?
-Yes, but only good things.
-Okay, well, go on.
PARKER: Oh, boy.
All right, so...
cheers to participating.
RENN: Mmm.
And to your lovely town
of Cleveland.
-To Cleveland.
-Cleveland.
-And participating.
-PARKER: To Cleveland!
Mmm. What is that, alcohol?
Yep.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
Who did this?
PARKER: Renn, that is so rude.
SAM: Thank you so much.
SAM: Okay.
PARKER: Okay.
-Danger zone, danger zone.
-ZOEY: Cheers, cheers, cheers.
I'm gonna step out.
PARKER: Why does it
taste different? Honestly,
number five, I'm just like...
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
(MOUTHING)
Cleveland!
Hi.
How's my favorite
emo boy doing?
He's about two seconds
away from getting
a Dashboard Confessional
tattoo on his calf.
-Ooh.
-Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
So I take it family time
was a bit much.
Yeah, you could say that.
What'd y'all do today?
Uh... What'd we do today?
Went to a funeral home,
a hospital.
Met a priest.
Um... insulted a priest.
I had a fight with my sister,
and she had a breakdown
in the closet.
I got a tie. Now this.
I feel like you're
going to have way more than
four questions after that.
(SIGHS)
No, just one.
Why are you actually home?
Yeah, that's the right one.
Um...
My mom died.
-Oh, my God.
-Yeah.
Renn, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, thank you.
Why didn't you tell me?
I don't know. Um...
I guess I thought
if I didn't say it out loud,
then it wasn't real.
I get that.
But it is.
She's gone,
and her funeral is tomorrow.
God, that feels...
crazy to say out loud.
I'm going to my mom's
funeral tomorrow.
I'm sorry.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Are you?
I mean, I wouldn't be.
Yeah. No, I'm not.
And I...
I don't know
why I keep saying that.
Yeah, it's like this whole
thing just doesn't feel real.
You know, and I...
I don't know
how to deal with it.
So I just... I keep ignoring it
and avoiding it, and...
I'm worried that I'm going
to be stuck like this forever.
Yeah.
I know it feels like that.
But eventually...
It may be very, very slowly,
but eventually...
you'll get better at dealing
with it and living with it.
I don't know how to explain it,
but it feels like
there's two halves of my life.
The good half, you know,
before all this started,
before she got sick.
And then
there's the shitty half,
present company excluded,
is the half
I don't want to get better
at dealing with.
I just want to go back before
watching her wear gloves
because her hands
were too chapped, or...
helping her pick out a wig.
Or which hospital to go to
which would eventually
not save her.
You know, I just want to be
back on a bar patio
like this with her,
just talking and laughing.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Want the good half, again.
It's weird.
It's like I have these glimpses
of the good half...
you know, but they just
feel so far away now.
And...
it's like I can see them,
right?
But I can't...
I can't touch them.
I'm just watching them.
I'm not...
I'm not participating.
And it's so sad.
You know, I just keep looking
at my phone all the time...
thinking I'll see
a text or a call from her
that's like,
"Hey, buddy, you know, I'm...
"I'm kidding. I'm fine."
But...
You know,
I know that's not, um,
that's not going to happen.
And, uh...
instead, I get
these calls from my boss,
for a job that I don't want.
My sister just calls me
and reminds me
of all the things
we have to do because...
our mom's gone.
And so I just keep ignoring
and avoiding and, uh...
f*cking everything up.
-I'm sorry. I've said too much.
-No.
I don't think that
you're f*cking everything up.
Yeah, well, I don't think
I'm doing a good job.
Yeah, I don't think
you're supposed to be.
Thanks.
Hey, um...
Can I come tomorrow?
Come to my mom's funeral?
-It sounds weird...
-It's kinda weird.
...but I'm... I...
I don't know.
I just want to be there for you.
I'd like that.
Cool.
Cool.
(LAUGHS)
I think I'm ready.
Ready for what?
I'm... I'm interested
in what any of this means.
-Let's go.
-Okay.
(CHUCKLES) What?
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Moving forward
Using all my breath
Making love to you
Was never second best
I saw the world flashing
all around your face
I saw it.
Never really knowing
Mesh and lace
Come on.
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
You've seen the difference
And it's getting better
all the time
There's nothing
you and I won't do
I'll stop the world
And melt with you
(CROWD CHEERING)
(SONG SEGUES INTO ORGAN DIRGE)
FATHER DAN:
We are gathered here today
to pay our final respects
to Lily Catherine.
Teacher, friend, sister,
wife.
And mother.
Lily Catherine was
full of light and laughter.
She had a laugh
that could fill a room.
Her loving husband,
the love of her life, Rick,
said that...
she loved people most of all.
In fact, he says
that she would have loved
to see you all here today,
to talk to you all,
to hold your hands
and hear all about your lives.
She loved
catching up with friends,
talking about
her favorite movies,
one of which...
RENN: (WHISPERS) Sorry.
(SOFTLY) Renn.
I can only think of one memory
of her right now, um,
and I wish it was
something cool like...
jumping out of an airplane
or mountain climbing, um,
but it's not.
It's her. It's me.
We're driving home
from the mall.
And I'm nine years old,
and I'm pissed.
Because she forgot me
at a clothing store.
She told me to sit
and wait on a bench
in Ann Taylor
with my Superman comic
and wait while she tried on
a few thousand articles
of clothing.
Leigh knows, that was
a favorite hobby of hers.
She would buy
some new clothes,
keep the tags on them,
and bring them back. Anyway...
She, uh, she did that a lot.
And, um...
this time in particular,
it was a sweater.
And she bought it
and walked out.
I sat there on that bench and...
waited for her to come back.
A couple of hours later,
she did.
And she came rushing in,
apologizing up and down,
but I was still pissed.
This old lady kept asking me,
"Are you lost?"
And the thing is,
I wasn't. I was exactly
where I was supposed to be.
She just... she just left me.
When I think back on it now,
you know,
all I feel is jealousy.
Because I wish
I could relive that day.
I wish I could relive
sitting on that bench
in that store
with that Superman comic.
I'm jealous of that
nine-year-old boy.
You know, 'cause if I could
just relive that...
relive that day,
then that would mean...
she comes back.
(SOFTLY) Sorry.
(KISSES)
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)
Hi.
-That was
a beautiful story, Renn.
-Oh, you know. (SCOFFS)
Your mother would have been
proud of you.
Thank you.
Let me know
if you need anything at all.
RENN: Yeah, will do.
-ZOEY: Hi.
-Hi.
Thank you for coming.
Yeah, thank you for
letting me be here for you.
(RICK LAUGHING)
(INDISTINCT SLURRED SPEECH)
Uh, I see you met my sister.
Yeah, Leigh.
She's really nice.
RICK: I was, like...
-jazz.
-Yeah.
RICK: That's what jazz
is for, you know.
(LAUGHTER)
I'm sorry, just one...
-One second.
-Yeah, of course.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
RICK: Uh...
Nice speech back there, Renn.
Yeah. Nice joke right now,
Rick.
Well, people grieve
in their own ways, Renn.
Mmm. Yeah.
You know, and some people
don't grieve at all, apparently.
You think I'm not grieving?
Well, I have eyes
and ears, so, yeah.
-Guys, not now.
-It's fine, we're just talking.
Okay. Because
you're over there all sad,
that must mean
she meant more to you
than she did to me, right?
Yeah. Yeah, that,
and just generally,
you not being around
for the last two years
-or the ten years before that...
-LEIGH: Renn.
...or when she started chemo,
or when she was sleeping
on the bathroom floor
because she didn't have enough
energy to move to the bed,
when she started hallucinating
from the pain meds she was on.
-You remember that, Leigh?
-Oh, Jesus, Renn.
That was fun. 'Cause, you know,
she was seeing people
from her past
that weren't actually there.
And then she would start
f*cking crying
because she was seeing
people from her past
who weren't actually there.
You weren't there
for any of that.
So, yeah, I feel bad for you,
and I wish you luck
with having to live with that.
Oh, yeah?
And you're an expert, huh?
You're an expert on what to do
when a loved one gets sick?
'Cause what did you do?
Come right home?
Did you stay by her side?
-Yeah, I came home.
-You came home
-a couple times.
-I saw my mother plenty.
And I talked to her
every f*cking night.
And by the way,
this isn't about me.
-This is about you.
-Oh, no.
This is about you.
Because in case
you realize it or not,
when she got sick,
and I mean really sick,
you weren't there
for her either.
Your sister was,
but you weren't.
Yeah, and you were?
-You were?
-Compared to you,
I was a second layer of skin.
Guys, maybe
don't do this right now.
-RENN: It's fine.
-He judged me for
the way I'm grieving.
I don't judge you
for running away
and staying away,
doing your writing.
-She told me not to come.
-Oh.
And you listened.
A sick woman
told you not to come home,
and you listened because
that's what you wanted to hear.
I was gonna come home.
But you didn't.
Listen, you really think
that she didn't want you
to come home?
You really think that
she didn't want you there
by her side?
You were her favorite, Renn.
Sorry. It's true.
She didn't want me there,
so I wasn't.
She wanted you there,
and you weren't.
Because you weren't,
you never got to say goodbye.
Maybe that's what
this is about.
-Sorry about that.
-DARREN: Rick.
RICK: Good luck
living with that.
DARREN: Go on, get out.
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
I'm sorry.
-Sorry.
-Sorry.
LEIGH: Thank you so much
for coming.
Drive safe.
(FRONT DOOR CLOSES)
(SIGHS)
Thank you.
(LEIGH SIGHS AND GROANS)
RENN: Mmm...
How do you do it?
LEIGH: What?
Just keep it all together
all the time. And...
-You're so strong. You...
-(LEIGH SCOFFS)
Renn, I'm...
I'm a f*cking mess.
Really.
I didn't realize.
Yeah.
Thought the closet breakdown
was a one-time thing.
I'm sorry for leaving you
alone with all this.
You mentioned that day
that Mom left you in the mall.
I remember that day
a little bit differently.
-You weren't there.
-Yeah, exactly.
I wanted to be.
I know that she left you
in that store,
and that was really scary
for you, and I get that.
But I was never invited.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Rick is an as*h*le,
and he's wrong
about a lot of things,
and we can get into that
in a second. But...
the one thing that
he is right about
is that you were her favorite.
We have their personalities,
and you know it.
And from time to time,
he tried to act more like you.
And then from time to time,
she tried to act more like me.
But, I mean,
that was the way it was.
Which is why she took you
on adventures and not me.
It's not because
she didn't love me.
I know she loved me.
But because she was avoiding him
by avoiding me.
I don't have the memories
that you had
with her growing up.
But I have them.
I have them now.
From a month ago.
Sitting in that
hospital room with her.
Watching The View,
playing cards.
And, yeah, maybe they're
not warm and fuzzy, but...
they're with her, and...
they're mine.
So, you got the good half
with her,
and I got the bad, but...
I wouldn't trade my half
for the whole world.
Yeah.
And you didn't come home.
And I get...
I get why you feel guilty
about that.
But Rick is wrong
about that part
because that's exactly
what she wanted.
She was avoiding herself
by avoiding you.
Because if you would
have come home, then...
then it would have been real.
(SNIFFLES)
So you can sit and
you can sulk and you can cry
and you can listen to the Smiths
or whatever you do.
But I wouldn't because...
she wouldn't want you to.
To Mom.
To Mom.
You were very, very scary.
You really got up in his face.
He's got crazy eyes.
(CHUCKLES)
(PHONE CHIMES)
(GROANS)
What?
-What now?
-f*cking Rick.
-So Rick locked us out
of the house.
-Correct.
-And said he'd drop
her stuff off.
-Correct.
And this is what
he dropped off?
-Correct.
-m*therf*cker.
These two boxes
and a garbage bag?
-Yep.
-m*therf*cker.
So Rick gets to decide
what childhood memories
we walk away with in two boxes.
And a garbage bag.
-And what about Mom's stuff?
-Still in the house.
-Which we're locked out of.
-Ding-ding-ding.
This is a real d*ck move.
D-I-C-K.
I want to send him
to the bottom of the ocean.
I want to scream.
I want to put a hit out on him.
We could sue him.
We don't have a case.
I wouldn't last
two minutes in prison.
(SCOFFS) You wouldn't.
Mother f*ck Rick.
Okay. There is one thing
we could do.
And I can think of
one person'd be very proud
of us for doing it.
Mmm-mmm.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
DARREN: Yes.
LEIGH: No.
-Yes, yes, yes.
-LEIGH: No, no, no.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
LEIGH: It doesn't look
like anybody's home.
DARREN: What if they have
a security guard?
LEIGH: Dad, they're not going
to have a security guard.
Okay, for the record,
I just want to say that this
is an all-time bad plan.
I'm not...
I'm not against it.
I'm also not for it,
and I just want it noted.
Noted. Okay. Let's just
walk through the steps.
Okay.
How to break into a house.
LEIGH: Oh, my gosh.
I'm sorry.
Before we go any further,
the parent in this situation,
the supposed voice of reason,
is on board with this plan?
Yeah. Do I wish I didn't wear
my loafers to a B and E?
Yeah, but most importantly,
it's that you two get closure
and personal growth.
That's what matters.
And getting revenge on Rick
'cause he's a piece of sh*t.
And that includes a B and E.
(CHUCKLES) We said a light
breaking-and-entering.
We agreed on a light
B and E, right?
-Stop saying B and E, please.
-Okay.
But, yes,
it'll be a light one.
Can we go through
the steps, please?
Fine. I am not on board.
I just... What is step one?
I'm curious about the steps.
Sure. Step one.
"Is anyone home?"
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I mean,
I feel like that's...
-Pretty obvious.
-But it's still fundamental.
Uh, let's just say
probably nobody's home.
(SOFTLY) Probably.
Okay, well, probably no,
then go to step two,
which is, do we know
if the house has any alarms?
I don't think
that he installed
an entire
security system today,
and we didn't have anything
like that before,
so I'm going to say
also probably no.
No, or probably no again,
in this case.
-We jump to step four.
-(MUSIC PLAYING)
-sh*t.
-RENN: What?
I... I tapped an ad.
-There's an ad playing.
-RENN: g*dd*mn it, Dad.
Come on.
What do you want me
to do, Renn?
Who's advertising on a site
for breaking and entering?
It's like a video game.
It's actually cool.
It's like
an underwater sea world
with mermaids and seahorses.
-You can't just click out of it?
-No.
-The "X."
-No, it doesn't let me...
RENN: Turn it down, Jesus.
-I am hitting the X.
-We're going to jail.
Look, it's okay.
It's over. It's over.
It just stopped.
Okay, I'm going to go
back to step four.
Look for an open window.
An open window.
An open window. Let's go.
-Oh, no, no...
-Let me see if there is...
-BOTH: Don't slam the door.
-(DOOR SLAMS)
DARREN: We should have
rehearsed this.
LEIGH: Rehearsed it?
I don't know. This is like,
it's so reckless.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
DARREN: Other side?
LEIGH: Oh, wow.
That doesn't look suspicious.
(DOG BARKING)
Where is he?
It's been like an hour.
LEIGH: No, it's not.
-DARREN: Here he comes.
-Oh, oh...
Oh, boy. This is not...
Okay, too bad.
Nothing's open.
-Let's go. Right?
-RENN: Kitchen window's open.
Wait, the one above the sink?
Yeah. What's step five?
Step five.
Go in that window.
And then what?
-Steal stuff.
-No more steps?
It's an article
on breaking and entering.
I mean, you probably need
another one
once you get inside.
-Oh, my God.
-We should google it.
-No.
-Okay, so basically,
once you break in, steal stuff.
No, you can't go in
and steal stuff.
If you steal stuff,
then he's going to notice
and he's going
to call the cops,
and then we're all
going to get arrested.
-Oh, God.
-You can go in
and you can steal items,
but you can't steal stuff.
Okay, if I'm gonna do this,
if we're all gonna do this,
then we need to make
that very, very clear.
-Yeah, we're clear.
-LEIGH: Yeah.
No, stuff, just a few things.
No, no, no, not things, items.
You're getting hung up
on the word, not the action.
This feels like stalling, no?
This feels like stalling.
Yeah, we are. I'm stalling.
I am the official staller.
Parent time, voice of reason.
Look, this feels wrong.
We all know it's wrong. Okay?
I should probably say something
to stop you from doing this.
And I...
I'm drawing a blank, so...
So we're doing this.
-All right.
-Okay.
Steal items on three.
-Steal items on three.
-One, two, three.
-Items. Items.
-Steal items.
Items.
What are you doing?
Leigh. Leigh.
-I'm going.
-No, no, no, no.
-(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
-Oh.
(GROANS)
It's good for them.
It's good for them.
LEIGH: Oh, my God.
Okay, I'm here.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Are you going to try to stop me?
-Nope.
-RENN: Okay.
LEIGH: God.
(WHISPERING)
Careful. Be quiet.
-Just don't get arrested.
-RENN: Okay.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(RENN SNIFFLES)
To Mom.
-To Mom.
-To Lily.
RENN: Anything out there?
Nothing exciting.
RENN: Well,
that's a bummer.
Tell me about it.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Glass of champagne, please.
Fancy.
I like to set a mood.
Hey, so remember
when you told me
something personal and difficult
about why you came
to Cleveland and then I,
in turn, lied and said
I was here for a reunion?
I do.
I don't think I ever
apologized for that.
So, I just want to say
I'm... I'm really sorry.
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
And I'm really sorry
for the very loud
screaming match
with my stepdad earlier.
That was crazy.
It's okay. It's one
of the stages of grief.
What, screaming
at your step-parents?
-Anger. Yeah.
-Oh, no, yeah.
I'm considering going pro
at denial.
-Putting up some big numbers.
-(LAUGHS)
So, are you okay?
No.
-No?
-No.
But I will be.
Ah! I feel like
we are two people
who should not
be dating right now.
Yeah. Yeah, definitely.
Good kiss. But I'm...
I'm a complete mess.
So, probably,
you're probably right.
100%. Me too.
I mean,
if I were my own therapist,
I'd say, "Girl, get up,
"get out of there,
and text him in, like, a year."
Yes. And I would...
I would wait three days
to respond to try
and look cool.
Okay. As if you could wait
three days to text me back.
No, I wouldn't last a day.
I would respond right away.
I hope so.
Oh, perfectly timed champagne.
Thank you so much.
(CLEARS THROAT)
To your mom.
To Lily.
(CLINKS)
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
Oh, sh*t.
We're each other's alibi.
-(BANGS ON WINDOW)
-Remember that.
All right. Well, I guess...
No reason to delay.
I'm here to apologize.
I shouldn't
have locked you guys out.
I wanted to bring you
a peace offering.
All right. Here you go.
If there's anything else
you need, just let me know.
Give me a call or...
DARREN: Just go, Rick.
You're breaking rule number two.
What rule? Am I...
am I missing something?
Don't worry about it.
Okay. Bye.
-(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
-(ENGINE STARTS)
-Bye, Rick.
-Bye.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
That's definitely
not all of our stuff.
No.
We'll take what we can get.
Yeah. Good for Rick.
(PAPER RUSTLING)
"Not until we are lost
"do we begin
to understand ourselves."
Henry David Thoreau.
"The woods guy."
(PHONE VIBRATING)
KEVIN: Renn, hey.
RENN: I'm sticking
with my decision, Kevin.
Uh, I'm gonna keep writing.
KEVIN: What are you
gonna do for work?
RENN: I don't know,
but I'll figure it out.
KEVIN: Well, good luck.
We'll miss you.
RENN: Thanks.
-Right.
-Right.
Bye.
Text me when you get in. Okay?
And answer your f*cking phone.
Okay.
Okay.
Let's take the long way.
Okay.
Okay.
Love you.
Thank you.
(CHUCKLES)
LILY: What have you got
in your sleeve?
Did they give that to you?
-No.
-No?
You stole it.
Yeah.
Can I see it?
You know, it's not such
a great idea to steal things.
-Okay.
-So let's not do that again.
Just this once, it's yours.
-Okay.
-Just this once.
-Ready to go?
-Yeah.
Okay.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
-All right. Let's boogie.
-(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
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Good Half, The (2023)
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