[music playing]
[howling]
Nikki, you are on fire.
And as your manager
of your OnlyFans page,
this is going to blow up.
Well, my fans want content.
I want money.
So this week's cosplay,
Little Red Riding Hood.
And I'm your big bad wolf.
Well, let's get to it.
You know what would be kinky?
I got a wolf's mask
out in the Jeep.
You stay here.
I'll be right back.
Well, hurry up.
Things a guy's got
to do to get laid.
Sean?
Sean?
Wow, I love your mask.
It actually kind of turns me on.
My, what big teeth you have.
All the better to eat me with.
What the f*ck is this?
Sean?
Who's this freak?
I thought it was you.
Whoever he is, he's
interrupting our evening.
I'm going to f*ck him up.
[screams]
[music playing]
Unlock the door.
[howling]
[music playing]
Man, where is this guy?
Man, oh, man, where is he?
I get so nervous, man.
I get so nervous, man.
I get so nervous.
I get so nervous.
And when I get nervous,
I get the itch.
I wouldn't be dipping
into that if I were you.
No.
Boss wouldn't like knowing
you tapped into his snow.
Now, Louis, I was just
making sure it was all there.
[music playing]
If it isn't all
there, you won't
have to worry about
your habit anymore.
All right, come on.
I did my part.
Where's the cash?
I need to get fixed bad, man.
I won't be making
eyes at you all night.
Funny guy.
What's this?
Read it.
[music playing]
Sorry, Jones.
Our business
partnership is over.
The boss thinks you've
been talking to the feds.
I'll be taking this, though.
[growling]
I always pegged
Jones for a snitch.
[music playing]
Well, fed, tonight you're
going to meet your maker.
[music playing]
All right, punk.
It's just and me.
(SINGING) Every
night is more intense
This madness makes no sense
I curse the night
I howl and cry
It's stop and try
Don't break me down
Don't break me down again
Don't break me down
Don't break me down again
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
Don't break my down
And when the darkness grows,
that's when my heart grows cold
My hunger escalates
For your blood I cannot wait
I curse the night
I howl and cry
I'll stop and try
Don't break me down
Don't break me down again
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
Don't you know there's
no controlling this
I beg and bleed
Don't break me down
again, down again
Where do they go?
(SINGING) Don't break me down
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
I curse the night
I howl and cry
Can't stop me
Don't break me down
Don't break me down
[howling]
What?
Oh, nothing.
I'm just making sure you're OK.
There's a complimentary water in
the cup holder if you'd like it.
No, I don't need any water.
I need you to get me to
Manhattan on the double.
I've got a very important
business meeting.
A lot of sales riding on it.
Oh, P Didn't want to
get your Ferrari banged up
in the traffic.
No, I'm flying to Spain
after the business meeting,
and I don't want my car
sitting in a parking
garage for a few days.
Is that OK with you?
Don't blame you.
I thought you were
a movie producer.
Why is that?
They're making a low-budget
horror movie in the area,
Thought you were one
of the money people.
Low-budget horror movies?
Like there's any money in that.
No, I sell stocks, and
I've got a good lead
on some investments that's
going to make me very rich.
Sounds exciting.
Playing with other people's
money at their expense
is exciting.
Living the rock
star life, huh?
Fast cars, hot women,
money, cocaine city.
Ha, you wish you were me.
[farting sound]
What the f*ck are we doing?
Look, we don't have time
to screw around, OK?
Place looks closed anyway.
I'm sorry.
I have to use the restroom, but
I'll be real quick about it.
Well, hurry it
the f*ck up, then.
OK, I will.
[farting sound]
Great, no cell phone service.
[music playing]
Euphoria.
Come on, man.
Let's hurry it up.
[music playing]
Come on.
[growling]
If you don't get out here right
now, I'm taking the car myself.
Uber sucks.
Quit f*cking around.
Let's go.
Blood, but from what?
If I'd have known you
were on your period,
I'd have hired someone else.
Maybe this wasn't such
a bad stop after all.
[laughs]
All right.
Oh, that's gold, brother.
All right then.
Oh, sh*t.
[music playing]
Oh, that idiot's got
the g*dd*mn keys.
I gotta get out of here.
[howling]
This pain is k*lling me.
[music playing]
[howling]
You hear that?
I think it was the beast.
Yes, wouldn't old
Sheriff Duke Larson
be pissed if we caught the
k*ller of these locals?
He's a fool.
He thinks all the killings
are from a maniac.
We know better.
It's a renegade
animal, not a maniac.
The victims were torn apart
the likes no human could do.
It was animal, I say.
Agreed.
Savage bear?
It's no bear, my friend.
Then what?
It's a wolf or
a pack of wolves.
There's no wolves
around these parts.
It must have been coyotes.
It's wolves.
Trust me.
Want to go flush them out?
Yes, you go out in the woods
and circle up in front of me
then head back this way.
You'll drive it
right towards me.
Then we'll put a b*llet
between its eyes.
What?
What's wrong?
I don't want to flush it out.
You do that.
OK, you stay here and sh**t
it between the eyes when
it comes tearing down on you.
But remember.
What?
You only have one chance to
sh**t it before it latches on
to your throat.
You stay here.
I'll flush it out.
That's what I thought.
[growling]
This is stupid.
It's cold outside.
I just want to get
home to my old lady.
[music playing]
Who's there?
What the hell?
Andrew.
Andrew.
He's doing
exactly what I told.
Good.
Andrew.
Keep coming.
That's it.
That's it.
Andrew.
Andrew.
That's it.
[music playing]
[howling]
Cocaine city.
Cocaine city.
Cocaine city.
Did I torment you?
Did I perhaps even
k*ll your loved ones.
k*ll your loved ones.
k*lled your loved ones.
k*lled your loved ones.
k*lled your loved ones.
k*lled your loved one.
Fast cars, hot women,
money, cocaine city.
You wish you were me.
You wish you were me.
[music playing]
Frank, where the f*ck are you?
And these out of the way
rendezvous, they need to stop.
And you better be springing
for a hotel tonight,
or you're not getting anything.
[music playing]
Five more minutes, and you can
just go play with yourself.
[howling]
Frank, is that you?
Quit screwing around.
Oh my god.
No, no, no, no.
[music playing]
[sirens wailing]
What the hell happened to me?
I got to get the
hell out of here.
[music playing]
[people shouting]
Ready and action.
These guys catch me looking
like this with all this coke,
I'm going to be f*cked.
I got to find a way out of here.
[inaudible singing]
[radio chatter]
[phone ringing]
Sheriff Larson.
What?
Five more murders?
Where?
All right, all right,
all right, I'm on my way.
[music playing]
What in God's name
could have done this?
[music playing]
REPORTER: Sheriff, Sheriff,
who is committing these crimes?
The public wants to know.
I don't have any
answers for you right now.
We're conducting
an investigation.
When we have something to
report, I'll let you know.
REPORTER: Is it a serial k*ller?
A cult?
It could be something worse.
Now get out of my face.
I've got work to do.
[music playing]
Hello, whoa, whoa.
I didn't mean to scare you.
I'm not going to hurt you.
Things I've seen, it
would take a lot more
than you to scare me.
Who are you?
My name is Jack, and you are?
Lysandra.
Sorry to bother you.
Look, I'm in a lot of trouble.
Do you have a phone I could use?
Ain't got one of those.
JACK: Do you live nearby?
I live here and there.
People around here call
me the gypsy of the woods.
Cooking up a spell over there?
Cooking up lunch.
I've been expecting you.
You have?
Eventually, those
that have been marked
find their way to me.
Marked?
Under your shirt.
How did you know?
You were marked
with the beast.
Marked with the curse.
Marked for death.
The same beast that
k*lled your driver.
The Uber driver?
And wounded you.
It was my son.
Something about these woods.
Evil is drawn here.
Now you will become a demon
that can't stop k*lling.
No, this is crazy.
That's not me.
And not just when
the moon is full.
You see, he was addicted
to his vice, like you are.
I can smell it on you.
He was addicted to
the devil's lettuce.
You mean weed?
It changed him day or night,
like your vice will do to you.
No, no, this is crazy.
If I k*lled that creature,
then that means--
You k*lled my son.
[music playing]
Oh, sh*t, oh, sh*t, oh, sh*t.
Why did you make me do that?
What am I going to do?
It was self-defense?
Self-defense.
I got to get out of here.
[music playing]
The legend can't be true.
About the k*ller clown?
Who else k*lled
all of our friends?
And if we're not
careful, if we--
if-- what's the next line?
Geez, not again.
Cut, f*cking cut.
Feed her the line.
The line is we're next if
we can't stop this crazy clown
from k*lling again.
Who wrote this stuff?
I did.
We've rehearsed
this 100 times.
This isn't Breakfast
at Tiffany's.
.
I'm sorry.
All these scenes blur together.
I hear you, sister.
One scene is as
mundane as the next.
Excuse me, I can barely
see or hear anything.
Hey, I'm trying to
make a movie here.
Hey, let's go.
Back to one.
Camera ready.
Sound ready.
We're using the onboard mic.
Yeah, forgot.
No budget.
No problem.
I'm going to make this
movie even if it kills me.
Action.
[music playing]
I need another hit.
No, I got to keep going.
[music playing]
Ready and action.
Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
DIRECTOR: I need more blood.
Stop.
I need more blood.
It's freezing out here.
No more blood.
Cut.
I'm the director, dollface.
Let me douse you
with this sh*t.
That was fantastic.
That was bullshit.
Wait till my agent
hears about this.
Tiff, you were
magnificent, and this scene
will be in the trailer.
I am a professional, you know?
Prime the sprayer
for safety take.
You have to be kidding me.
How am I going to
explain any of this?
It doesn't make any sense.
I got to take the edge off.
Ease this pain.
Good sh*t.
[music playing]
[howling]
Is anybody there?
[growling]
What the hell was that?
I don't know.
Some woodsy animal.
You never said there
were wolves out here.
Or bears or whatever
the hell that was.
You're right.
I didn't.
All right, send in the clown.
This rubber mask is freezing
to my face and crumbling.
We could only be so lucky.
Is that his mark
so I can get focus?
Close enough.
These are just sh*t pictures.
[music playing]
[howling]
This film really
is a sh*t show.
Hey, Vinita, we're going to
need you in front of the camera
soon, OK?
I mean, don't worry.
You know, he's--
he's farsighted.
DIRECTOR: What the hell is that?
You said you wanted
a gritty '80s look,
and this baby will do the trick.
That's a Super 8 camera.
No one uses that anymore.
At least use a 16 millimeter
or some 35-millimeter short X.
Well, you get
what you pay for.
I have to pee.
And I'm hungry.
My feet are numb.
DIRECTOR: All right,
everyone, that's
it, into the cabin
for some rehearsals.
Thank you.
I still don't know why we all
had to come here in one vehicle.
Because Slash is too cheap
to pay for all of our gas.
Perks of being a producer.
Tight a*s.
[music playing]
No cell signal.
Are you kidding?
No way.
It's our location.
Service is spotty.
Service is sh*t.
I don't even own a cell phone.
Nobody likes to talk to me.
True.
[music playing]
So, Slash?
Yeah.
Why do they call you Slash?
Is it art imitating life?
Are you really a serial k*ller?
Nope, it's because I am
the director slash producer
slash editor slash craft
service slash transportation.
Yeah, you're a regular
one-man wrecking crew.
You mean hack.
Auteur.
Thanks, man.
You get it.
That's why this film is a
Slash Cinema production.
A classic where--
You work long hours.
For low pay.
No pay.
Where I give the
fans what they want,
lots of blood and lots of boobs.
Alastair has the
blood part covered,
and Tiff and Vinita have
the boobs part covered.
Well, we all know how
Tiffany got the role.
She f*cked the director.
You said it was a secret.
I didn't tell anyone.
[music playing]
Today, here, this
morning, I'd like
to make a formal
statement regarding
the rash of murders
that have been
plaguing our idyllic community.
After an intense
investigation, it is now clear
that the perpetrator
of these crimes
is actually a rogue animal,
not a serial k*ller, not
an escaped mental patient.
We are urging each and every
one of our community members
to please be cautious when going
outdoors, both during the day
and at night.
I am working closely with the
Game Commission, as well as
several big game hunters,
so that we can quickly
capture and k*ll this animal
and bring a sense of safety
back into our lives.
[music playing]
How is it that I'm hungry
and full at the same time?
Oh, f*ck.
What the hell is
happening to me?
[music playing]
I'm allergic to the cold.
So can we get this going?
Ready?
Yes.
And action.
[music playing]
Pardon, in the script, why
is this scene even happening?
Because you can never have too
many boobs or butts in a film.
ALISTAIR: Oh, OK,
when is it my turn?
Now fall down and make out.
That's not in the script.
DIRECTOR: It was worth a try.
All right, cut.
Take 10 while I
try to figure out
how to stretch the
shitty script out.
Let's go for a walk.
OK.
[music playing]
I was hoping to spend
some time with you.
Really?
Yeah, I think you're hot.
Does that surprise you?
No, I mean, I
think I'm hot, too.
I just didn't know
you went that way.
I go lots of ways.
My pronouns are they/them.
What's yours?
She, her, yours.
All right, I feel you.
I'm counting on it.
We can get together later.
[groans].
What the-- is he dead?
What happened?
Who are you?
We found you here,
laying here in the woods.
You look like you
were an accident.
What happened?
It was a bear, yeah.
It attacked me
while I was hiking.
In a business suit?
Sure, you got to
look your best, right?
It came at me, vicious like
it was high on something.
Well, come on.
We'll help you.
Thank you very much.
You have no idea what
I've been through.
My name is Jack, by the way.
Why do you smell
like roadkill?
[music playing]
I know you're out
there somewhere.
I'll find you, whatever you are.
[music playing]
So what do you do
for a living, Jack?
I'm a stockbroker.
I make high-end deals in
Manhattan, very lucrative.
Your story of survival would
make a great movie of the week.
Speaking of which, we
have our own movie to make.
Yeah, we don't want to
lose our deadline here.
Say, when are
you guys leaving?
I took an Uber here
and lost my cell phone.
We'd call someone, but we have
no cell service way out here.
Listen, we're
finishing up today,
and then we have some pickup
shots tomorrow so hang out, get
cleaned up, and
we'll take you home.
Let's go, people.
[music playing]
OK, so your big
scene is up next.
The two counselors are getting
it on hot, on hot action.
And then, bam, slice and dice.
I got a quick question.
Is there any way that I can
show remorse for my actions?
What the hell are
you talking about?
You know, character
arc before I--
No, no, no, no, no,
no, you stalk the kids,
and then you m*rder them.
That's your arc.
f*cking actors.
All right, everyone,
let's break for lunch.
One hour.
Three years at the
Royal Academy for this.
[music playing]
RESIDENT: Eventually,
those that have been
marked find their way to me.
You're marked with the beast.
Marked with the curse.
Marked for death.
I want you to take your camera
and run through the woods.
Why?
To get some grainy,
shaky footage.
It's lunch.
Come on.
Well, then you better hurry
before the next scene is up.
Do it for the art.
Finish your sandwiches,
and let's get inside
and rehearse for
tonight's all-night sh**t.
[music playing]
as*h*le is getting
style, whether he
likes it or not, just wait
until the lab bill comes in.
[giggling]
I'd like to be
following those two girls.
On-set romances never last.
Tomorrow, they'll be at
each other's throats.
How long has it been
since you've had some?
Had what?
Coke.
Come on, man.
Game recognizes game.
I know withdrawal symptoms.
It has been a while.
Well, then, lucky
for you, I have just
what the doctor ordered.
Purely medicinal purposes.
[music playing]
Believe it or not, I'm not
a fan of on-set romances.
Well, you sure fooled me.
After this gig, I'm
going to LA to make it big.
This gig wasn't too bad.
Some money is better
than no money.
Lots of actors get their
start in horror movies.
So I'm going to check
this off the list
and go make real movies.
No offense.
I gotta go get cleaned up.
[music playing]
People call me an
as*h*le, and they're right.
But I'm an as*h*le who likes
to share in the wealth.
You know, when I'm
done with this grind,
I'm going to retire to an
island where the sun is hot,
the women are hotter, but first.
Maybe just a little.
Nice.
Dude, you're a pro.
[music playing]
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, are you OK?
Don't p*ssy out now.
Best coke ever.
Holy Francis Ford Coppola.
That's awesome, dude.
Do that again.
Right there, the light
is a little bit--
this is-- I can give you
a three-picture deal.
Whatever you want.
What do you want
in your contract?
It's a f*cking werewolf.
Help.
[music playing]
No, no, no.
Please no, no, no.
[music playing]
How is anybody going to be
able to see any of this sh*t?
[howling]
Very funny, Slash.
You know, you bring me
all the way out here
in the middle of
nowhere just to scare me
with that terrible wolf.
I mean, you think anybody's
actually scared of this--
[screams]
[music playing]
[howling]
That was a wolf?
A man wolf?
A werewolf?
[music playing]
[howling]
I wonder where
Slash and Dirk are.
Probably scouting locations
for tonight's sh**t.
Well, where did that
Jack fella run off to?
He probably walked home.
You want to go over some lines?
All right, but
I don't have any.
Well, then you can help me.
[music playing]
[screams]
No, it's too pitchy.
[screams]
Well, maybe they can
redub it in post.
What the--
It's just Tiffany rehearsing.
I have to give it to her.
She's got range.
To be or not to be.
That is the question.
Tis nobler to suffer
the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune.
That's some acting.
Just the sounds of the forest.
But if this was a
real horror film,
this would be the part
where the monster sneaks up
on the two unsuspecting half
naked women in the woods.
[music playing]
What's wrong?
There's a monster after us.
It's going to k*ll us.
We need to get out of here.
Is this a prank?
Do I look like I'm joking?
[music playing]
We need to get the
hell out of here.
Where are the others?
If they were still
alive, we'd know by now.
It's just you and I.
We don't know what
happened to them.
We can't call for help.
We're not going to
get out of here.
So that's it?
We're all going to die?
I thought I was going to
die in a Mexican brothel
under a sweet hooker.
[phone ringing]
What's that?
Whose phone is that?
It's not yours?
I don't own a phone.
Still no signal.
Sh, listen.
SLASH (ON VOICEMAIL):
This is Slash.
I can't come to the phone right
now because I'm probably on set
banging a hot starlet.
Is Slash in the barn?
How is he getting a signal?
Perks of being the producer.
SLASH (ON VOICEMAIL):
So leave a message,
and I'll get back to you, maybe.
STERLING (ON VOICEMAIL):
Slash, you idiot.
It's Sterling, your
executive producer.
Mr. Sterling, for a
low life like you.
You better not be
screwing around.
Make your days and get this
low-budget turn in the can,
or the next thing you'll direct
will be a dog food commercial,
maybe.
Why didn't he pick up?
Who cares?
Look, if he's in there, so are
his car keys and his phone.
Either way, that's our
ticket out of here.
Go get them.
Why me?
Because you're the man.
[music playing]
Slash, you're slashed.
Yes, he did it.
Look out, behind you.
[shouting]
There's a cabin over
there with lights on.
Better stop up and warn
them to stay inside.
Come on.
It's got to be a werewolf.
A werewolf walking around on
two legs, wearing clothes.
It's got to be
that guy we found.
I don't even know where he is?
Son of a b*tch.
I need silver b*ll*ts.
Oh, God, I don't
even have a g*n.
How would I fire silver b*ll*ts?
This isn't a movie.
This is real life.
What am I going to do?
[music playing]
I knew it was that creep.
[music playing]
Hello, is anybody here?
Thank God you found me.
They're all dead.
Who?
Who all is dead?
All my friends.
Well, who k*lled them?
What happened to me?
That's him.
He's the m*therf*cking werewolf.
That's crazy.
You just hold it
right there, pal.
Stay back.
I'm not afraid to use this.
You're high on cocaine?
Don't you move a muscle.
Nobody needs to get hurt here.
sh**t him.
I don't know what's
happened to me.
Something bit me, and I've
been stuck out here for days.
I just want my old life back.
Well, you let me help you.
You just get down on the
ground there and put your hands
behind your back.
Not today, copper.
I feel this hunger inside,
and it drives me to k*ll.
Get down now.
[groaning]
What's happening to him?
Overdose.
Cardiac arrest maybe.
Well, then sh**t him now.
[music playing]
No one's going to
believe all this,
but it'll make one
hell of a script.
It'll be OK.
[music playing]
[howling]
[music playing]
(SINGING) I'm a cocaine werewolf
so don't you mess around me
I'm a cocaine werewolf
I can anything I please
Call me Little Red Riding Hood
You know, baby, I do no good
I need your company
Oh, pretty baby, can't you see
Cocaine on my brain
Cocaine humming through my veins
Cocaine driving me insane
But cocaine takes away the pain
I'm a cocaine werewolf
A cocaine werewolf
I'm a cocaine werewolf
You better stay away from me
I'm a cocaine werewolf
You're gonna die
if you mess with me
Call me pretty little Snow White
You know, baby,
you ain't no fright
I know you really
want to dance with me
Oh, pretty baby, can't you see
Cocaine all in my brain
Cocaine pumping through my veins
Cocaine driving me insane
But cocaine takes away my pain
I'm a cocaine werewolf
The cocaine werewolf
I'm a cocaine werewolf
So don't you mess around with me
I'm a cocaine werewolf
I can do anything I please
I'm a cocaine werewolf
Why do the girls all follow me?
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Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Cocaine Werewolf (2024)
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