01x03 - Here's Looking at You, Kid

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at what's
happened to me ♪

♪ I can't believe it myself ♪

♪ Suddenly I'm up
on top of the world ♪

♪ It should've been
somebody else ♪

♪ Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not, it's just me ♪

♪ Just like the
light of a new day ♪

♪ It hit me from
out of the blue ♪
♪ Breaking me out
of the spell I was in ♪

♪ Making all of my
wishes come true ♪

♪ Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not, it's just me ♪

- He's on the scope, sir.

Beller Control to
November, one-niner-six,

we got you, Smitty.

Come right to one,
eight, two degrees.

- I can't believe
we're gonna have

that kind of accuracy at night.

- The sight's pilot-proof.

It's infrared, all
computer-controlled.

- Beller Control to November
one-niner-six, do you read me?

Do you read me?

Come in, please.

- What's the problem?

- I can't seem
to raise him, sir.

- What do you mean
you can't raise him?

Tell him to start
the bombing run.

- He's just not reading me, sir.

- Who have you got up there?

There's 50 million
government dollars

and a top-secret g*n
sight riding with that jockey.

Our entire defense posture
could be compromised

if that sight winds
up in enemy hands.

- He's off course.

He's way off course, he's
heading south-southwest.

- What's he doing that for?

- He's diving, I'm losing him.

- You can't lose him!

- Sir, he's totally
off the scope.

- Van Kemp!

- Mr. Van Kemp, Sam
and me just found Smitty.

He was hid behind some crates.

Looks like maybe he's got
a concussion or something.

I don't know who's
flying that plane.

- The plane's been hijacked!

- All right, Henderson,
notify SAC,

see if there's a short
carrier laying out there

off the coast.

Cordell, you get
the FBI in on this!

All right, if the plan is
to ditch it in the ocean,

what's the maximum
flotation time?

- If it's put down right, long
enough to rip out the sight.

Come on, let's get
this camouflage net out.

- Watch it.

- Okay, that's it.

Tomorrow, we'll discuss
some of the lobby groups,

how they operate, their
place in the political structure,

their sphere of influence.

Anyone who wants to get a
leg up by reading chapter six.

I told you Villicana,

I'm not running for office!

He's got nothing to say
about it, he's so honest,

so put a cork on it, I'll make
you your sneakers, all right?

- Let me put it to you, Mr. H.

Is this a democracy or what?

- Well actually, it's a
democracy and a republic.

Look, I have about 10
minutes to get to Pam's house,

so if you have any questions...

- Yeah, I have a question.

In a democracy and a republic,

no guy's gotta run for office
he don't have eyes for, right?

- Hey, your name's
already on the poster.

- So, take it off!

- What poster?

- The school election, we got
Chaffey running for president.

- Over my dead body.

- That could be arranged.

It was supposed
to be a surprise,

you know how you tell us get
involved with school activities

and stuff like that?

Well, we come up with this.

- You come up with it!

- That's right.

- It's a great idea, Tony, only
you can't really run someone

for public office
unless he's interested.

- He just wants us to
say please, you know?

All right look, with
Chaffey as president,

that's a big minority, right?

Carrie as vice-president,
it's another minority,

and Rodriguez, sergeant-at-arms,

it puts a lock on it, right?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, Tony says you get
enough minorities together,

you got a majority.

Majority takes it, right?

- Well, that's an
interesting strategy,

but what are you,
campaign manager?

- I'm the boss, like
that guy, Boss Tweed,

you told us about.

- That's what you
got out of civics class?

Tony, I wasn't presenting
him as a role model.

- I figure that's where
it's at for me, you know,

calling the shots.

- Listen, Mr. H., long
as you know about it,

maybe you can help us
with a, like, campaign slogan.

- All right, yeah,
I'd be happy too.

Listen, we'll get
into it first thing

in the morning, all right?

In the meantime, why
don't you lay off of Chaffey

until we have a
chance to talk, okay?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You guys have a great day.

No, I don't care about that,

they're wrong and I'm right.

I'm gonna prove it
before the day is out.

I'm about to hook-up, I
gotta go, I'll check in later.

Okay, okay, later.

- Oh, not now, please!

- Right now, we're up, kid.

We really got ourselves
a big one this time.

- Thanks, Bill, but I
got a big one myself.

- Where do you
think you're going to?

- I'm going to meet Pam,
then we're gong to the airport

and pick up her folks.

- You can't do that, some
other time, this is top priority.

- It's always top
priority with you, Bill.

- Okay, how's this?

Top secret, U.S. government
g*n sight being tested

at Beller Aircraft,
gets ripped off.

It was a prototype,
one of a kind.

- Top secret?

- This little baby can hit a
beer can from five miles out.

That's the truth.

Of course, this may not
seem terribly important to you

compared to the fact that
Mr. And Mrs. Davidson are here,

from East Dog Breath, Nebraska
to see who's making nicey

on their little girl.

- They're from Minnesota

and Mr. Davidson happens to
be the mayor of Deer Lick Falls.

- The mayor?

Oh well then, they'll
have an honor guard

for him at the airport,
they won't even miss you.

My car's around the corner.

- Now, wait a
minute, wait a minute.

If the g*n sight
is so important,

why isn't the Army
out looking for it?

- They are, so is the
Navy and the Coast Guard

and the FBI and CIA
and everybody else!

I just happen to think
they're all looking

in the wrong direction.

- Did it occur to
you to tell them that,

instead of bringing it to me?

- I did, I told them.

They think I'm wrong,
but I'm not wrong, I'm right.

You got the suit in the car?

- Your timing is
absolutely impeccable.

I gotta call Pam.

- Use my car phone.

- You think of everything.

- A careful scenario gets
results, J. Edgar Hoover.

- Hm, the mindless
quest for results

is the curse of J. Edgar Hoover.

Hello?

- Ralph, is that you?

Yeah, listen Pam,
I ran into a little bit

of a problem here.

- What?

Ralph, where are you calling
from, I can hardly hear you.

- I'm calling from Bill's car.

- What about the car?

You having car trouble?

Tell me where you
are and I'll pick you up.

Ralph, we're gonna be late,
my father's keen on punctuality.

- Yeah Pam, listen,
I can't make it.

- What, what did you say?

You can't make it?

- That's right, I can't make it.

I'm sorry, I'll explain
later, bye-bye.

We'd have done better with
two tin cans and a long string.

- Not from a moving
vehicle, they get tangled.

- You really don't care what
you do with my life, do you?

- Sure, I do.
- No, you don't.

- I also care about the
security of my country.

I think you can
understand, Ralph,

that some of your
problems fall just a little short

of that, in terms of priority.

- You don't even know for sure

if that plane is
out in the desert.

- Would you rather do a
wheels-up landing on sand

or take all those chances
dumping in the ocean?

I know how much fuel was
aboard and the maximum range,

I got it all figured out.

This is a voice-operated
walkie talkie.

I'll guide you through
your flight pattern.

- You know how I hate to fly.

Where am I supposed
to put this thing?

The suit doesn't have
any pockets, you know.

- Be creative.

Oh, there she is, hi, honey!

Here we are.

- Oh, my darling, oh!

- Good to see you.

- Hi, Princess.

- Should I say, Mr. Mayor?

- Yeah, yeah, how
about that, huh?

- I'm proud of you.
- Thanks.

- How was your flight?

- Oh, not bad at all.

Lot better than the old days

when you had to
pack your own lunch

and he brought us down
right on time, give them credit.

- Darling, you look
absolutely beautiful.

Doesn't she look
wonderful, Daddy?

- She always does.

- Where's Ralph?

I thought you said he was
coming out here with you.

- Yeah, he planned to, yes,

but he ran into a
little car trouble.

- I suppose that can happen,

though I can't remember
the last time I had trouble

with my old buggy.

Preventive maintenance,
that's what it comes down to.

- Ralph just had
it in for a tune-up.

Oh.

- Well, let's go.
- Sure.

- Ralph, oh it's
such a nice name.

You know, I've always
thought that you can tell

a great deal about a
person by his name.

Oh, it's just the perfect
name for an educator,

don't you think so, Daddy?

- Hm, yeah, it's all right.

- Ralph, it says a great
deal, solid, capable, stable,

feet on the ground!

- Kid?

You read me?

Ralph?

Are you piling up
out there again?

We're never gonna get
anywhere if you can't stay airborne.

Remember what I said?

It's just like
falling off a horse,

you gotta get right back
up there in the saddle again.

- There is no saddle.

- Come on, Ralph.

We gotta lot of
territory to cover.

Let's get it up in the air.

- Lousy Wright brothers.

Way to go, kid.

You're looking gorgeous!

Now, you flew Grid
Six, let's try Grid Seven.

That's between those
two peaks over there,

straight ahead of you.

Uh, you're too high.

Ralph, you can't see
anything from up there.

Bring her down a couple
hundred feet, you read me?

Ralph, come in, do you read me?

♪ I'm gonna keep it
up 'til I get it right ♪

♪ I'm gonna get it
straight if it takes all night ♪

- Oh, here we go
again, here goes nothing!

♪ Gonna rise
above, out of sight ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna
bring me down ♪

♪ I'm gonna fly away ♪

♪ I'll get out of there ♪

♪ I wanna feel the wind ♪

♪ Blowing through my hair ♪

♪ I'm gonna rise above
and I won't be scared ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna
bring me down ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

Whoa!

Kid?

Come in.

You okay?

- Bingo.

Nothing to it when you
know what you're doing.

- Well, they got it, it's gone.

It's probably on some lousy MIG

halfway to the Kremlin by now.

If you hadn't spent the last
two hours crashing around

in this sandbox, we
might've nailed them.

- You're too generous, Bill.

A simple thank you
would've been fine.

- All right, so you
found the plane, too late.

Wait a second, maybe not.

Look at those tracks.

They're on wheels but
they're not super-sonic,

maybe we still
got a crack at this.

- Look at this.

Whoever piloted this
plane left his helmet behind.

- You think maybe he
also left some vibes behind?

- Maybe.

- Put the hat on.

- No, I don't really have
the hang of that yet, Bill.

- Well, you said that you
could look into people's heads

by touching something
that belonged to them.

- No, no, I didn't say that,

I said that I have touched
something sometimes

and gotten a holographic image,

but it's a very
iffy proposition.

It has something to do
with electrical impulses

or brain waves, or something.

- Try it, touch it, put it on.

- I don't look ridiculous
enough already.

- You got something?

- I see a house, and inside
the house, I see a board.

Blackboard with a list on it.

What kind of
list, what's it say?

- Immediate opening,
private army, Central America,

ex-Army vets, high-risk
missions, Angola.

Wait a minute, I'm
getting somebody.

- Okay, people, we gotta
close a little early today.

Anybody wants to
get in an application,

it's business as usual
at 0800 tomorrow.

- No, he's gone.

I lost it.

What do you think about that?

- Uh, anything else at all?

- Just a room in a house.

- A house, not
an office building?

- No, a private
residence, definitely.

- Okay, there's a
house over on Lamont,

it's supposed to be
a private vets' club,

but it's an employment
agency for mercenaries,

private soldiers.

- Mercenaries.

- Yeah, a guy named
McCready, ex-Green Beret,

seems to be
running the operation.

These are bad dudes, very rough.

They play for money
and they play for keeps.

Looks like we might have
a little bloodbath coming up.

- Bloodbath?

- Well, what are you worried
about, you're bulletproof.

- Oh no, I'm not
k*lling anybody, Bill.

I'm sorry, that's
definitely out.

- I wish you wouldn't, it just
makes more problems for me.

You ever hear of
tele-kinis or kinesis,

however you say it?

Moving stuff around just
by using the old gray cells.

I'll bet you a nickel you
know how to do that.

- Yeah, if I could you'd
have been in Pittsburgh

a long time ago.

- So you don't
wanna hurt anybody,

if you could do the telekinesis
business, you won't have to.

Freeze those suckers
right in their tracks.

Just walk in,
take the g*n sight,

walk right out
again, bang, like that.

Unless of course
you're afraid to try it.

- I am not afraid to try it.

It's just that every
time you talk me

into trying something
new with the suit,

I get into more trouble.

- Now, right now, come on.

- Nuts, nuts.

Look, the nuts they have
right next to the toggle bolts,

and the washers
four feet down the line.

Now that is very bad
showcasing, honey.

You should see what your
mother and I did back home,

and we've got less than
10% of the floor space

they have here.

- Mom sent pictures,
it looks wonderful.

- I did.

- Did I mention that Ralph
is taking us to dinner tonight?

He made reservations
two weeks ago,

it's one of those
fine restaurants

that are really
difficult to get into.

- Times like these, a young
man shouldn't be too free

with his money.

- Well, he's not free
with it, he's generous,

not extravagant, generous.

I don't know why
I'm apologizing.

I think it's a wonderful
gesture on his part.

- Of course, it's a
wonderful gesture, it's lovely.

- Well, well, what I
had in mind for tonight is

I thought we might
stop by this Fix-It City.

Look at this, they are
open six days a week

until nine o'clock, and
Sundays until 7:00, that's great!

- You know your father,
dear, hardware is in his blood.

- Don't you wanna meet Ralph?

- Ralph?

Oh, Ralph, well sure, honey.

Of course I wanna
meet Ralph, yeah.

- Well then, you can go
by the store tomorrow,

I'll let you have my car.

- Oh, won't you be with us?

- Oh, I'm sorry, Mom, I
have to be in court tomorrow.

- Oh, you're going
ahead with that, are you?

- Practicing law?

Of course.

- Well, I didn't know, with you
and Ralph being so serious.

- Mom, we're not married.

We're not even engaged.

Even if we were, I
wouldn't give up my career.

- Excuse me.

Did I hear you say
you aren't engaged?

- No, Dad, I'm not engaged.

- Gee, listening
to your mother talk,

I thought I came out here
to give the bride away!

But you know, that Ralph,
he has a lot more sense

than I gave him credit for.

- Thanks, Dad.

- Yeah, well, where
are the shovels?

- I'm looking forward to a
lovely evening, I can't wait.

I can't wait to see your Ralph.

You're not concentrating, Ralph.

- I am concentrating, Bill.

- All right, well I'm
gonna come at you.

All you have to do is give
me a little mental push.

Stop me, okay?

Try not to knock me down.

You have to push,
Ralph, you understand?

Push hard!

Ralph?

What happened, where am I?

Bill, what happened?

Can you hear me, Bill?

- Yeah, yeah, sure
kid, I can hear you.

Come on now, just don't panic.

Don't panic?

Oh my God, I'm not here!

Bill, I'm invisible!

- Well, this is gonna be okay.

We shouldn't overreact to this.

What am I gonna do?

- Uh, first of all,
just stay frosty.

Why'd I have to get
this suit in the first place?

I never wanted any powers,

I just wanted to take
the class on a field trip!

And now look at me!

- Okay, now Ralph,
listen to me carefully.

You pushed to disappear, right?

It's like being dead, Bill.

I feel like I don't exist.

Why'd I listen to you?

- Uh, Ralph please.

It's gotta follow
the same principle.

If you pushed to disappear,

maybe push twice to
reappear, you got that?

Go ahead, try it,
push hard twice.

Hey, there you go!

Yeah, there I go.

What am I gonna do, Bill?

- Uh, take the suit off.

Yeah, that's it, go
ahead, take it off.

Yeah, yeah, why
didn't I think of that?

Of course, I mean, that's
obvious, that has to be it.

Just take it off.

Wouldn't you know I'd get
the only lemon super-suit

in the entire galaxy?

Bill, this is your fault!

I hold you personally
responsible.

- Yeah, sure kid, absolutely.

This is the last time

I let you talk me into anything.

The very last
time, you got that?

- Yep, son of a g*n!

You're real, all right.

Some real.

You can't see me!

- Neither can anybody else.

What am I gonna do?

I can't be seen,
much less go to court.

I'll probably lose my son.

More than probably,

you ever hear of a
court giving custody

to an invisible father?

Will you stop
sweating it, Ralph?

We'll figure something out.

Like what?

I'm supposed to have dinner
with Pam's parents tonight,

she's gonna k*ll me!

I'll explain everything.

I can do my own explaining,

I haven't lost my voice.

Boy, this is really
messing up my life.

I'm turning into
some kind of a freak!

- What you are,
Ralph, is a vital cog

in the defense
mechanism of this country!

Great, an invisible cog.

- I know it's rough, kid,

but I'm gonna be right
there with you, all the way.

Yeah, how will you know?

Uh, you'll tell me.

You have absolutely
no conception

of what it's like, Bill.

I feel like Claud
Rains in the old movie,

The Invisible Man.

He used to go around
wrapped in bandages

so nobody would
know he wasn't there.

It drove him crazy.

We also got some
advantages here.

Well, it's driving me crazy too!

- Yeah, yeah, we can
really use this thing!

Use it?

- That g*n sight is
vital to the defense

of your country, Ralph,
now quit crying and think!

The guys that stole it have
no loyalty to the U.S. of A,

or anybody else.

They're gonna sell it

to whoever pays
them the biggest price.

How can you even
think about that

when I'm sitting here with
air blowing through, huh?

- That g*n sight is one of
the most devastating weapons

ever devised, Ralph.

You want the Russkies to get it?

- Okay, outside.

- Yeah, sure.

Okay, what do you want, some ID?

- Yeah, that'd be nice.

- Here you go.

- FBI.

Nice, very nice, looks
like the real thing.

- That's because it is.

- You got a badge for your
friend, Harvey, in the car?

- You see somebody
else in my car, Officer?

- No, don't you?

- Certainly not, oh!

Oh, I get it.

You saw me talking to myself,

you thought I was a chicken
down at the funny farm, right?

- Well, I saw you
talking to yourself.

- Nah, I'm rehearsing, I gotta
give a speech at Whitney High

for government day.

Don't tell me you
never got nailed

on one of these
volunteer numbers?

- Just traffic safety.

- Oh well, I don't know,
I guess it's not so bad.

We all have to do our bit.

So anyway, I'm
running a little late,

so it's nice to talk to you,
Officer Spier, see you again.

Okay, that's it, kid.

The only social
club in greater L.A.,

with 24-hour armed guards.

Okay, now you walk
in, steal the g*n sight,

walk out again,
they don't see you,

they'll never know
what happened to it.

Piece of cake.

- Yeah, piece of cake.

I'm back.

Bill, I'm back!

Thank God, I'm back!

- No, Ralph, not now!

Ralph, your timing stinks!

Duck, duck down,
get outta sight!

- I'm back, Bill, I came back!

- You could've solved this
thing with no mess at all.

- Is that all you
can think about?

- Okay, we go back
to Plan A, wait 'til dark

and then we'll go run on the...

Ralph?

- No, no!

- Outstanding, a dim-out!

Boy, this thing has potential.

A little more, Ralph, I'm still
getting a kinda afterimage.

- Would you stop that?

I don't want to...

Damn!

- Okay, you're faded!

Let's get outta here,

before you do another
Lon Chaney on me.

It's not Lon Chaney.

- Ralph, would
you please watch it?

Did they see it?

Who cares?

If I'm gonna have to go
through life fading in and out

like some kind of
a dying light bulb,

I'd just as soon be
put out of my misery.

- Popped in or faded out,
you still got the suit on,

they can't hurt you.

Now, while I make like
Willy the Wrench here,

why don't you see if you can get

that holograph thing
you do operational?

Kid, you hear me?

Yeah, I hear you.

- Okay, turn it on, see if
you can get a bead on it.

Ralph?

Is it working?

Okay, I'm getting a picture.

A bunch of guys
with semi-automatics,

couple of
three-piece-suit types,

and the man I saw earlier.

- Do you really think
that these weapons

are necessary, Mr. McCready?

It's McCready.

Wait a minute, there's more.

- Just my way of
discouraging dumb moves.

- My government
financed this operation.

- Did I forget to say thank you?

You'll get a chance to bid
for it like everybody else, pal.

- We financed you
with the understanding

that the g*n sight
was to be ours!

- You've got something that
says that in writing, I'm sure.

- You're making a big
mistake, McCready.

You may not like the
way this comes out.

- Ralph, what's happening?
- Shh!

- If Uncle Sam found out

you were using your
diplomatic immunity

to walk off with his hardware,

I don't think he'd like that
very much either, do you?

- We paid for that g*n sight!

- You paid for a chance
to be at the auction.

You give me any more static,

you won't get that
for your money.

- We don't even
know that you have it!

- I have it, but not here.

I try to discourage
the window-shoppers.

It'll be at the auction tonight.

- Has the location been changed?

Along with our deal?

- No, invitations read,

the consulate on Belmont
Drive, 2130 hours tonight.

That's 9:30 to you, pal.

- Ralph, what's happening?

They're gonna auction
it off at 9:30 tonight,

at the consulate
on Belmont Drive.

- Consulate?

They really
figured this one out.

Nobody can get to them
in there, that's foreign soil.

But if you tell the government

they have the g*n sight.

- What am I gonna do?

Take in the invisible
man to explain

how he sees through walls?

Besides, they're protected
by international law.

On the other hand,
if we get in there...

This is gonna
surprise you, Bill,

but I'm already way
ahead of you on that one.

At least I'll be
good for something.

I'll meet you at the
consulate around nine.

- What do you mean
you're gonna meet me?

Where are you going?

Don't you remember?

I have a dinner date!

- Don't be ridiculous, Ralph.

See you later, Bill!

- Ralph!

- Excuse me, Miss Davidson?

- Yes.

- Compliments of Mr...

- Oh, is he here?

- No, Mademoiselle,
he telephoned earlier.

- I'll pour it.

- Oh my, what a
lovely thing to do.

You know, champagne always
makes everything seem so festive!

That really is very
thoughtful of Ralph.

- Yeah, who gets the tab?

- Oh, Daddy.

- He'll be here, he's
very dependable.

- Yes, we can all see that.

- Well, shall we have a toast?

- Oh, good.

To hardware, that's something
you can always depend on.

- We're carrying
fishing rods now.

Did Daddy tell you that?

- No, hm-mm.

- We got the idea last year
when we were up in Montana.

We went into the local
and there they were.

I know what you're going to say,

what are fishing rods
doing in a hardware store?

That's sporting is
what the fella told us,

it's really a big item.

So your mom and I thought
that why not, right Mom?

So we put them
in and tackle too.

Honey, it's going 360.

- Fishing rods, huh?

- Miss Davidson,
telephone call for you.

You may take it at my desk.

- Oh that's Ralph,
I'll be right back.

Hello, this is Miss Davidson,
you have a call for me?

Hello?

- Pam?
- Ralph, where are you?

Do you have any idea what
you've put me through today?

My parents are beginning
to think you're a figment

of my imagination.

I've been apologizing
for the past four hours!

Now get over here!

I am here, I'm in the
phone booth right there.

- Okay, Ralph, okay.

If you didn't wanna
meet my parents,

all you had to do was say so.

Pam, psst, psst, Pam!

Psst!

Pam, over here!

- Oh my God.

Look, honey, I tried
to call you earlier.

I even went by the apartment
but you weren't there.

- Oh my God, Ralph,
what have you done?

Where are you?

I'm right here in front of you.

You can't see me.

Bill and I were
out in the desert,

doing a little
experimenting and then,

things just kinda went wrong.

- I can't deal with this, Ralph.

I can't deal with this.

Hey Pam, all I want you to do

is make up some kind
of an excuse for me.

Oh yeah, and then pay for
dinner, I'll give it back to you.

- Ralph, what's happening?

Uh-oh, I don't know, I
have no control over it.

There's some loose wires
or something, I don't know,

it's totally unpredictable.

- Well, Ralph, you
can't stay here like that,

you can't let my
parents see you!

- Listen honey, I'm gonna
have to run the gauntlet,

through that whole
room to get out of here.

Now, why don't you go
and sit down at the table?

Oh, Pam, can I borrow a
couple dollars from you?

I gotta get back to Bill,

and you know how
I feel about flying.

- Well, that's all I have,
that and a credit card.

- Oh well, that's okay, thanks.

- You'll call later?

- Yeah, hey don't worry.

- Oh no, worry?

No.

- Ah!

Ladies and gentlemen, may
I have your attention please?

Thank you!

On behalf of the
Janus Playhouse,

I am happy to announce
the opening tomorrow night.

Sylvia Thornton
and Bradley Birdstaff

in George Bernard Shaw's
Man and Swooper Man!

That's the Janus Playhouse
located on Rodeo Drive,

south of Beverly Boulevard,
parking in the rear...

- Ooh, Hollywood weirdo.

- It looked pretty cute to me.

- Exact change only.

- It's all I have on me,
just keep it, all right?

Mercury messenger.

My delivery truck conked out.

Hey, you're weird, Jack.

Ralph!

Ralph, where are you?

Ralph, do you read me?

- Come on, Mildred, let's
get away from this guy.

Ralph, come in, that's an order!

Ralph!

Okay, it's not an order,
will you just come in please?

We're starting to get
a lot of company here.

- Would you shut up?

I'm on my way!

Where are you?

- I'm on a bus.

The bus?

The sight's onsite and it's
going under the hammer

in 15 minutes and
you're taking a bus ride?

What's the matter with you?

Don't you realize...

Take your seats!

Please, everybody,
take your seats.

Please take your seats!

- Uh, you guys got
a phone over there?

Ralph, come in.

Hello, Ralph, come in please.

Please get off the bus.

I'm playing around
with water caps.

Please don't do...

- Just what are
you doing, sport?

- Uh, it's car trouble.

- Car trouble.

You ought to have
that checked out,

you was having car trouble
over on Lamont this afternoon.

What's that?

- That's the beeper
for the carburetor,

that's a whole new system.

- And what is this?

Well.

- How about that, a Fed.

You got yourself a bad
case of curiosity, J. Edgar.

Let's see what we
can do about that.

Where's your partner?

- You're making
a bad mistake, pal.

Do you got any
idea what kinda truck

they're gonna drop on
you for as*ault on a Fed?

- I said where's your partner?

I know you guys don't
work solo, so where is he?

- He's taking a bus ride.

That's the truth, I
wish it wasn't, but it is.

- Ain't that a coincidence?

You're going for
a ride yourself.

- Psst, Bill!

Bill!

- There he is, get him!

Where'd he go?

We better report to McCready,
must be that Fed's partner.

Excuse me.

- Yes?

What are you doing
in the private quarters?

You are not allowed up here.

- I'm security, pal.

- You are not our security,
you are not allowed.

- Say what?

- A report will be made!

- Great, send me a copy.

- This is an
impossible situation.

How dare you bring a federal
officer into this consulate?

How dare compromise
our position in this country?

- Compromise?

What the hell do you
think you've done?

I'm not talking
about selling tickets

to an amusement park here.

- This is a different situation.

That man was
observing this consulate,

that means that
his superiors know!

Inquiries will be made!

- And you will dummy up.

They can't search
this place, right?

- But why, why was he observing?

I mean, this was to
be a covert operation.

- Do me a favor, will you, pal?

Just stop sweating it.

You can simply slip them
in the old diplomatic bag

and that'll be the
end of that, right?

- No, that's impossible!

- What?

- That Fed's partner was
prowling around outside,

we lost him.

He didn't get in the
house though, I checked.

- What, what,
there's another one?

I mean, this is a disaster!

Look, I want him
out of here, now!

Do you understand
what I'm saying?

I want him out of here,

and I want everybody
else out, now!

The auction is off!

- Nothing is off.

The auction starts right now.

Find the other one.

- We'll get him.

- And find a nice orange
orchard and plant them,

both of them.

Shall we start the bidding?

- Attention, please!

Unidentified man
in first floor hallway.

Repeat please.

- Unidentified man
in first floor hallway.

Wearing...

What is he wearing?

- Nevermind.

Hey, I think I'm
getting the hang of it.

Hi h*, anybody in there?

Hello, Bill, how you doing?

What's that, Bill?

Hey, hey, hey, what'd you say?

Bill, you're gonna
have to talk louder.

Bill, Bill, it's bad
enough I'm invisible.

I mean, stop mumbling.

Come on now, speak up!

- Did you find the g*n sight?

Where are you?

It's upstairs in the room

where they're
having the auction.

Bill, you're not gonna sh**t
anybody with that, are you?

- Of course not.

Pick my teeth with it.

Looks clear.

They have closed
circuit TV cameras.

- Yeah, I know.

Where's the room where
they're having the auction?

It's right down the hall.

- In front of me or behind
me, Ralph, I can't see you!

In front of you, up the stairs.

- Okay, I'm gonna
hang back in here,

you snatch the g*n sight
and then we'll make a run for it.

Where are you?

Right here.

- Okay, go ahead.

- At 52.5, do I hear 53
million in Swiss francs?

- 53!
- 54!

- 54 million, 100,000.

54 million, 200,000.

Stay where you are!

My men have the door covered.

Over here!

- Great, kid, that's dynamite!

That definitely
goes in our library.

- Uh-oh.

- Not now, Ralph.

- Damn, I thought I finally
had the hang of this thing.

- I'm working with
a Cheshire cat.

- Up here, let's go!

- Yeah, this way.

No, that's another one.

Bathroom or a closet,
okay, Ralph, smash it open.

- It's open.

- Oh right, sorry.

Okay, that's it, hold on a
second, can you get us out?

- Gee, I don't know, I've
never done it like this.

- That slop got my g*n.

Hold on.

- Oh, Ralph, I got my
hands full, you hold on!

Let's see, one, two...

Oh, it's not gonna
work, 'til I get on three.

- Where'd he go?

- Okay, that goes
in the library, too.

He has to take
three steps at first.

- I'm sorry Bill, I
keep telling you.

- You keep saying I'm sorry,
and I wind up in traction.

- As you know, we're
greatly privileged today

in having with us
a first-hand account

of the political
process at work.

Class, would you welcome
with me Mr. Harry Davidson,

mayor of Deer Lick Falls.

- Just really, Daddy.

- Oh now, go ahead
Daddy, you promised.

After all, Ralph is
almost one of the family!

- Mother!

- Thank you.

Now, as Mr. Hinkley
has told you,

I have the honor of
serving as the mayor

of Deer Lick Falls, Minnesota.

Of course this is my first term,

but I have learned over
the past few months...

- Excuse me, Mayor.

Tony, Mr. Davidson will
answer your questions

after he's finished
with his speech.

- I just wanted to ask
what you came up with

for a campaign slogan.

- What?

- I think I mentioned the
fact that the class is putting up

their own slate in this
year's student body election

and well, they're kinda
stymied for a slogan.

- Oh no, no, no, Mr. H.,
Tony come up with a doozy.

Tell him, Tony.

- Chaffey for president,
the guy's got charm,

vote for him, or
we break your arm.

- That's not a campaign
slogan, young man,

that's a threat!

- Yeah, whatever works, right?

- Would you let the
gentleman finish, Tony, please?

Well...

- I just need him for
a second, Mr. Mayor.

- Excuse me for one minute,
I'll be right back, go ahead.

- Yes, yes.

But every place is important,

whether it be a small
town or a big city,

because those are people.

There are people in every home.

- Bill, I don't care if somebody
has stolen the Pentagon.

I am taking Pam and
her parents to lunch.

- Are you finished now?

I just came by to tell
you that we got them,

McCready and that whole
rat's nest, out of business.

I even got my g*n back.

- No, I'm taking the
Davidsons to lunch, that's that.

Nothing can stop me.

- Enjoy, you earned it, thanks.

- You're welcome.

- Here's looking at you, kid.

You're right, Bill,

we've gotta get the bugs
ironed out of that suit.