02x20 - Captain Bellybuster and the Speed Factory

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at what's
happened to me ♪

♪ I can't believe it myself ♪

♪ Suddenly I'm up
on top of the world ♪

♪ It should have
been somebody else ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Just like the
light of a new day ♪

♪ It hit me from
out of the blue ♪

♪ Breaking me out
of the spell I was in ♪

♪ Making all of my
wishes come true ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪♪

♪ He's got a heart
as big as Texas ♪

♪ He's got a smile
to warm the night ♪

♪ And he's a champion
of everything that's right ♪

♪ He's a good guy ♪

♪ He likes to set
a good example ♪

♪ For all the children
that he meets ♪

♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ And so you know
he never lies or steals or cheats ♪

♪ 'Cause he's a good guy ♪
♪ Good guy ♪

♪ Good guys used
to be so easy to spot ♪

♪ Ooh, nowadays they're not ♪

♪ I'm lookin' for
the good guys ♪

♪ Where could they be ♪
♪ Where could they be ♪

♪ I'm lookin' for
the good guys ♪

♪ Here's lookin' at me ♪♪

- Yeah?
- Herb, it's Calvin.

Somebody just let
themselves into our office.

You think it's Donato?

Could be. He's getting crazy. He
acts like he's been taking his own pills.

What's he doing in the office?

You think he knows
we're keeping a file on him?

Look. You're a lot closer to the office
than I am. You'd better get over there,

fast. I'm in my pajamas.

You look a lot better in your
pajamas than a pine box. Now go.

Okay, okay. I'm going.

Cal, It's me. What's going on?

You're not gonna
believe it. It's Mickey.

Mickey? I can't figure that one.

He just sneaked out of
the place. I'm not kidding.

Herb, I'd better call Donato. We'd
better put him aboard. He's gonna freak.

Meet me at the factory
in 20 minutes. Right.

Maxwell, Interstate
Narcotics desk.

Yes, there's a truck
leaving from L.A. tomorrow.

I don't know what
warehouse it's from,

but it, uh, has a load of
amphetamines on board.

It's heading to Tucson
on Interstate Five.

- Uh, who is this, please?
- John Q. Anonymous.

Aw, come on, pal. You wanna tie a
knot in their tail, let's be friends here.

What's your name?

The truck is hauling stuff
for Hamburger Heaven.

Now, look. There'll be two
case of reds in the back.

They'll be near the state line
somewhere around 10:00, 10:30.

Look, Mr. Friago. We're
real sorry to disturb you.

But we thought if we didn't
tell you about his being in there,

it might be a big mistake.

Sidney. Come on, fellas.
We ain't talkin' about...

the guy with the
hamburger on his chest?

Captain What's-his-face? Yeah.

Captain Bellybuster, our
mascot. The guy was always weird,

never wanting to be
photographed out of his costume...

in case kids might find out
there wasn't any such guy.

See, what I don't
understand is...

what you're doin' with this
kind of info in your office...

Unless you two guys is lookin'
to trade me out of the picture.

Maybe cop a plea with
the D.A.? That's it, ain't it?

I loan you two goofs the money
to open these burger joints,

and you pay me back by keeping
records on our private transactions...

so if the ax falls, you
can turn state's evidence.

This makes me
very, very uptight.

So, I'm gonna have Lew and Sidney
here work out on both your melons!

No, no. Please don't.
D-D-Don't. We can explain.

Trucking manifest sheets...
That's all we had in there.

This shipment was one of them.

You guys spend too much
time around hamburger patties.

You think I just come
in from Duluth, huh?

You keep trucking invoices
in a file cabinet not a mini-safe.

Look. Maybe Mickey was just
in there getting a spare costume.

Maybe he wasn't into the safe.

We just thought you should know.

Your interest rate just
doubled. Oh, come on.

Hey, we got stiff
rates for rat finks.

You and Mr. Palm Springs
here. You don't like it?

I can always arrange for a
little street surgery from the guys.

You take your pick.

Yeah, you got Warfel
and 10 seconds.

I'm pushin' a deadline
here. Yeah, it's me.

Hey! Hey, ya,
Captain. You got it?

Yeah. I-5 in the
morning. I called the feds.

They'll probably wait till the
truck passes into Nevada.

Hey, thanks, bunkie. I'll be
at the state line with a camera.

Great.

This guy was sellin' pills in the
student store. I couldn't believe it.

He was sellin' it in candy
bags and wrappers and things.

Ah, Carlisle's got me on
this Interstate Narcotics desk.

Chasing trucks.
Would you belive that?

With my k*ll record, I oughta
be droppin' a hammer...

on the big, red mean machine.

Instead of that...

I'm playing squat tag with a
hamburger truck. It's embarrassing.

Damage these guys do in school
to the students, it's unbelievable.

I'd like to see all these
dealers put behind bars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, trouble is...

just a truckload of dope
doesn't mean anything.

If we could find the factory that makes
that stuff, that would be worth doin'.

There it is! Huh?

Come on. Here.

The only thing I
don't understand, Bill,

is why do we have to come
way out here to make the bust?

Uh, well, we gotta let 'em
get the load across state lines.

Then it's definitely a federal
bust and that's my bailiwick.

Aha! And there it is right
there. Okay, let's go get 'em.

Yeah, let's get federal.

You, turkey! Pull
it over right there!

- Pull over!
- No way.

Your turn. Do your business.

Get it together.

Just hold it steady.
I'm going out.

Oh! Be careful. Don't wreck
a door on me now. Be careful!

Way to go, Ralph!

Okay, F.B.I. You guys are
busted. Get down out of there!

Right now! Out!

What's goin' on here,
man? Come over here.

What'd we do? Back of
the truck. Back of the truck!

Now, open it up.
I ain't got the key.

They got it at the
warehouse in Tucson.

Oh, that's too bad.
Ralph, take if off of there.

- It's empty.
- Who are you?

I don't believe it, a bum steer.

Well, I called the C.H.P., kid.
You'd better get out of here.

Hit the silk. I'll pick you
up down the road. Right.

I don't believe this.

This is gonna be great,
hon. I'll make a duck liver dip.

Honey, this is a school dance.

So? You're head of the
hors d'oeuvres committee.

Whatever happened
to cookies and... punch?

Don't worry. We'll stay
inside your $20 budget.

- Oh, no!
- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, no!
- Ralph, what are you
talking about?

Oh, no.

I'm finished.

Burger alert! Burger alert!
Come in, Capt. Bellybuster.

Do you read me?

Loud and clear!
Hey, burger cadets,

don't forget the opening
of our new store in Tarzana.

Come over for a belly-full of
juicy, belly-busting burgers.

See you there!
Hamburger Heaven...

And there he goes. As
graceful as me in the early days.

Maybe he has an instruction
book. More likely a recipe book.

You were right! You
were right. It's right here.

Right here in the middle of
dead-center, front page. Look at that.

I know. I've got one of my own
right here. All right? It's terrible.

Lucky your face was turned away.
You can almost see your mouth.

I know. If the guy's got this
picture, he probably has more.

Did you see the closing caption?

"Identity of hero revealed
tomorrow." G...! Boy!

I've been thinking about
this and I'm positive,

this creep that took these
pictures, you and me were set up.

Well, I know. That's what
Pam and I were talking about.

You get a hot tip about
a truck full of speed,

we get out there,
there's nothing in it.

Warfel's probably sitting in
the bushes with a camera.

That's my scenario exactly.
What are we going to do?

We gotta stop this, Bill, before Ralph ends
up bending spoons on The Merv Griffin Show.

He'll end up more recognizable
than Captain Bellybuster.

- Captain what?
- You know, the guy
on the hamburger commercials.

He flies like Ralph. He's got a
suit and cape and everything.

Yeah, you know,
wires and mirrors.

Who cares about that
stuff? Give me a break.

Boys and girls, if it ever gets out about
the suit, I'm gonna tell you what happens.

The first thing that happens is our
government drops a net on the three of us.

You, Ralph, you're gonna wind up in a
steel cell someplace in deepest Arizona,

while the eggheads from the Pentagon try to
figure out what you can do with the suit.

And since there's no answer to that, they're
gonna take the suit and lock it up...

and never let the
three of us out ever.

Because they're gonna be scared to death that
the commies get their hands on this thing.

So, the whole thing goes in
the dustbin for the next 50 years,

and we wind up packin' parachutes
in a room with no windows.

I don't believe it's that
bad. It is that bad, believe it.

Ralph's chances of makin'
spoons bend on The Griffin Show...

are about as good as mine are
of dancin' with the Russian Ballet.

Warfel, Bruce. Warfel,
okay, Daily Galaxy. Got 'em.

Now, let's go stuff this guy and
mount him over the fireplace. Come on!

Warfel's probably a reject
from a decent newspaper.

Bill's right, you know.
I'm afraid so, Ralph.

Yeah, that's it.

Okay, you're gonna
get this Mickey guy.

You bring 'em out here. We take
him uptown and bury him in a shoe box.

Then we bop this reporter
guy, this Warfel character.

Got me? Yes, sir.

Okay, what are you
waiting for? Let's do it.

I've been having some
trouble with the distributor.

Hey, you're losin'
your clutch, too, kiddo.

Well, we could've taken your
car, but it's always out of gas.

Who is this Bruce Warfel,
anyway? I've never heard of him.

He's a very famous reporter, if
you read those scandal sheets.

How do you know? You
don't read that garbage, do ya?

Uh... I'm shocked with you.

Standing on the checkout line.

We're gonna Abscam those
bums someday. I'll do it personally.

Yeah, hello, there. Yes?

We need to see,
uh, Bruce, uh, Warfel.

He's with the Galaxy palmist and he can't
be disturbed or he'll miss his deadline.

Oh? Oh, well, this is
official government business.

So, we're gonna disturb
him anyway, aren't we?

My exact thoughts.

He's in Linotype, down
the hall to the right. Okay.

Thanks for the reading.

Liz and d*ck remarry, you
got an extra 100. All right, kid.

Ralph, let me do the talking.

We're gonna spike this guy
into concrete, no problem.

Warfel? Maxwell, F.B.I.

You're the guy.
You're the two guys.

You got big problems
here, Bruce. Yeah.

Well, look. We can't
talk here. Come on.

Say, that's quite an
act you got there, kid.

I never seen anything like it.

Mr. Warfel, please, you cannot
print anything more about me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
kid, look. Please.

Let me get to paragraph
one. See, I'm a reporter.

Now, I gotta admit, my mind
was bent a little yesterday...

because I move on a tip on drug running
and there you are flying around and all.

I went home and drank
a whole bottle of scotch.

And I almost had myself
convinced I was dreaming, but then...

then I got my stills and I
knew I had seen what I seen.

There you are in
your little red whatsit.

So, I, uh, I run the story,

and I put in that line about
more to come tomorrow,

hoping that it would draw
you guys in and bingo!

Now, what seems
to be the problem?

You see, Mr. Warfel,
this suit is experimental.

It's kind of a secret weapon
being developed by the air force.

Baloney, baloney. The air
force is not runnin' around...

tryin' to stop a hamburger truck
with a box of reds in the back.

I play hardball. The First Amendment of
the good old Constitution is on my side.

Now you try and muffle the press and
you're gonna choke on Supreme Court writs.

There is nothing, and I
repeat, nothing you can do...

to stop me from printing
the rest of my pictures.

Uh, Ralph, I think this
gent needs a demonstration.

Oh.

That is one of his
parlor tricks, Bruce.

You ought to see him atomize a
high-rise or turn a flip-top like you...

into a six-foot
charcoal briquet.

How'd you like to see that one,
Bruce? We're not kiddin' here!

All right. On the other hand, I
don't have to print all the news, right?

You've made the right decision, Bruce.
You see this is bigger than all of us.

All right, all right, look. I'm
not Woodward or Bernstein.

I got no journalistic integrity
when it comes to saving my tuchus.

All right, the First Amendment
is a fool's paradise, besides.

There was an anonymous call,
it was an obvious scam, all right?

- Right.
- Good.

Would you excuse me?
I've gotta get back to work.

Now, Bruce. Sir?

If you turn around on this we're gonna
drop on ya like a ton of buckwheat.

No, sir, don't worry,
because when this story...

at the bottom I'm putting
"3-0"... over and out.

Finis. Punta e basta.
Okay? That's the way to talk.

I told you he was gonna
be cooperative. Okay.

I don't know, Bill. Warfel
made a pretty fast U-turn.

I think this guy's
conning us, Bill.

I don't look forward to ending
up in a room with no windows.

Ah, come on, Ralph. You torched
his tape recorder and he fell apart.

Under all the wise guy stuff,
this bird is a tower of lemon Jell-O.

No problem. Case
closed. I promise. Trust me.

Well, Agent Maxwell.

You wanna try and explain this?

You certainly have stirred up
the dust this morning, haven't you?

Don't strain your eyeballs, Billy.
I'll give you the condensed version.

This guy has photographs of you with
some gooney-bird in red tights and a cape.

The photo inset is on page 10.

It's right under the story of the Kansas
farmer who took a spaceship to Witch Mountain.

"F.B.I. Attempts
Cover-up of Flying Man."

"Agent William Maxwell threatens
reporter in attempted whitewash."

"Flying man secret
weapon," agent says.

I didn't say that. Pam sai...

Well, Bill, I think we
finally got something...

to take upstairs to the
old head-basket ward.

Well, no. Remember,
I was on the, uh,

th-th-the Interstate
Narcotics desk.

You remember where you put
me? We got an anonymous call.

Uh, I don't know who it
was. It was anonymous.

They said there was a hamburger
truck full of amphetamines out on the I-5.

So, what we... Bill.

I'm bored already. Let me
give you a little piece of advice.

If you don't mind it.

What I would do, Bill, is I would
produce this guy in the red tights!

- Wha...
- And I would be prepared
to prove...

to the psychiatric review
board that he flies...

and lifts trucks and stuff.

'Cause if you don't, Bill,
I've got a terrible feeling...

you're gonna find yourself in a
padded room with a box of crayons.

Well, there's a perfectly reasonable and
rational explanation for all this stuff.

Uh, obviously, maybe, I'm just a
little thin on details right now, but...

Bill, uh, are those
your current cases?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, you
said you wanted to...

Relieve you of all extra
responsibilities so you could devote...

your full time and attention...

to finding this clown
in the tights who flies.

- Uh, that's very decent
of you, sir.
- Least I could do.

Good hunting, soldier.

You guys have anything to do?

Well, old Bruce really
did it to us this time.

Did you read the
closing caption?

"Tomorrow Revealing
Pictures of Hero."

Carlisle's read it. The whole
building has read it, I think.

I'm up for a psychiatric review tomorrow
morning. I'm hanging on a thread.

Hang on, both of you.

Tomorrow's paper doesn't
go to press for another hour.

- Yeah, where is your boss,
Warfel?
- You never give up, do you?

- They don't pay me to give up. What about an answer?
- He went down to Linotype.

Uh, okay. Come on.

Hold it.

Get down!

Davidson, what's
happened? You okay?

Honey, you all right? Yeah. Yeah,
I'm not hit. I ducked and hit my head.

That's all. Let me take a look.

No, I must have bobbed when
I should've weaved. What?

Captain Bellybuster.

Captain... What did he
say? Captain Bellybuster.

That's supposed to be a
k*ller? That's what I got.

Well, we gotta get out of here
and find Captain What's-his-face.

Let's go. Can
you... Can you walk?

I think so. Get
your clothes. Right.

Oh, brother. Get
in. I'm gonna drive.

Ralph, get rid of that
cop. Do something.

I'll meet you later. Yeah.

Go on. I'll catch up.

- Hold it right there. Don't move.
- Look!

There he is, Bill. Look
at him. I can't look at him.

I'm drivin'. What's he doin'?

I don't know. Looks like
he's trying something new.

Oh, that's always
disaster. What is he doing?

Just like O.J. Simpson.

Ha! That's fine. You
can be real funny,

but, uh, those guys
saw us... they all did.

We're gonna be tied to that
guy's m*rder. I'm tellin' ya.

We want Captain Bellybuster!

We want Captain Bellybuster!
We want Captain Bellybuster!

We want Captain Bellybuster!

Well, you said he
was gonna show.

You know, Herb, I hate to be
taken for some kind of scungili.

I'm tellin' you, Mr. Donato.
I really thought he would.

You don't know this guy like I
do. He really lives for these kids.

Even if his life depended on it?

Hooray! Here he is!

Bellybuster!

Did I hear someone
summon Captain Bellybuster?

You bet, kids.

Okay, who wants
their picture taken...

with Captain Bellybuster?

I'd have never believed it.
The guy's dumber than he looks.

Smile.

I don't believe this. I cannot
believe this is happening to me.

I mean, the secretary is gonna
put me together with my shield.

Now, we got a motorcycle cop
who can put me together with...

a looney tune in red
jammies and a cape.

Running away from
the scene of the crime.

We're looking down the barrel
of a m*rder rap here, kids.

Honey, you want a doctor
to look at that? Oh, no, hon.

It's just a little bump. Besides, I'd
hate to have to explain to a doctor...

how I bumped my head ducking
a b*llet at the scene of a m*rder.

Which we're probably
now wanted for, by the way.

You know, Warfel had plenty
of time to get that article in.

There's probably a full-faced
shot of me in tomorrow's issue.

On top of everything else, the only clue
we got to this mess is another lunatic...

in red jammies and a cape.

Well, I didn't mean that
the way it sounded, Ralph.

Thanks. Thanks. Just
a slip of the tongue.

- Where is this grand opening
you're talking about?
- I don't know, near Reseda.

What would Captain Bellybuster have
to do with some phony narcotics bust?

I don't know. Maybe it's Burger
Heaven's new offering of the week.

A special: Buy a Bellybuster
and get a bag of dope...

in your party pack...
the ultimate in junk food.

You know, actually, Burger
Heaven is not too bad.

They serve their hamburgers on
whole wheat buns with alfalfa sprouts.

The Bellybuster is
tremendous. Have you had it?

Oh, I can't handle the big
ones. I go for the Tummy Tingler.

That's a good one.
You ever try that, Bill?

It is definitely the first
order of business...

as soon as we can solve
this m*rder rap business.

There he is,
Captain Bellybuster.

Captain Bellybuster hold
you. There we go. Okay, Dad.

Oh, boy, one of those guys.

Okay, well, let's wait till
he gets done with the kids.

All right, kids. I just got a
burger alert from Glendale.

Let's hear it.

Go get him.

Well, that means
I've gotta lift off.

But don't forget, kids, a burger alert
from Glendale means that I'll be back soon.

And while I'm gone,
I want you to all...

to obey your parents
and your teachers.

Say, "please" and "thank
you," and eat nutritiously,

then, one day, you'll
grow up to be like who?

Captain Bellybuster! You bet.

If you guys are interested in what the
jolly captain has to say, you'd better move.

Hey! I have to go to Glendale!

Wait a minute. Look at that.

What do you guys want?

I don't need a limo. I've
got my car in the back.

Ralph!

Ralph! You'd better hit
the silk as quick as you can.

I'm gonna follow with
the counselor. All right.

Hey, you're not...
Captain Bellybuster!

You're right, I'm not Captain
Bellybuster. I'm Tummy Tingler.

You'll be seeing me a
lot in his commercials.

I've gotta go. I
got a burger alert.

What are you gonna
do to me? Shut up.

Go through the park
and head for the docks.

Where did you get this
thing, in a box of cornflakes?

We're never gonna
catch those guys.

There's Ralph. It looks like
he's headed towards the park.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'll get him!

Stay here, Davidson. Why not?

No! Please!

Don't worry, I'm not gonna
hurt you. I'm not gonna hurt you.

Oh, hey, who are you?

I'm not one of those
guys who grabbed you.

I can't see to good without my
glasses. Come on. Let's go find them.

Over here. Watch the curb.

Oh, no.

Bill, are you all right?

Just a little cardiac
seizure. No problem.

How can a guy that looks like
he's smuggling basketballs...

run so fast?

Who are you? He's
a friend. Maxwell,

F.B.I.

F.B.I.? Oh, thank God.

Hey, listen. Have I
got a lot to tell you.

Yeah? Like why you phoned
in a phony drug shipment.

Phony drug shipment? Didn't
you stop the truck on I-5?

Yeah, we stopped it. All
we got was an empty truck...

and a near-miss
case of pneumonia.

Hey, Bill, take it easy on the guy,
all right? He's scared and confused.

Oh, hey, they must've
changed the schedule...

when they found out
I knew about the run.

That's why they tried to
k*ll me. Here's your glasses.

Well, in case everybody's forgotten,
we're still in white water here.

Let's find the counselor before
we get spotted by a cop. Come on.

Why the outfit?

You're not the local guy they were
gonna send in in case I didn't show up?

No, I'm not your
replacement. Oh, I hope not,

because that's not an official
Captain Bellybuster uniform.

I mean, the kids would know
right off that's not the real thing.

Why the getup? Well,
that's some question...

comin' from a guy that's
got himself all done up...

like the head doorman
at the funny farm.

No offense, Ralph. Thanks.

I use my uniform to sell
nourishing hamburgers.

How about you? Oh, it's, uh...

It's a really long story. Oh.

Let me have a look.

Oh, believe me, it's
really not a problem.

Something to do with
the distributor, that's all.

That should be fine. I
don't wanna be a bother.

Just lookin' to help a
pretty lady in distress.

Hey, uh, how about
tomorrow night?

I can get my partner
to cover for me.

Well, I'm busy
tomorrow night too.

My boyfriend just went to get some
help. He should be back any minute.

Oh, great.

What's happening here,
the Macy's Day Parade?

Well, well, look at
what we got here.

Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

I bet your friends think
you dress weird. Me?

Okay, you two,
let's see your I.D.'s.

Uh, Officer, this
is easily explained.

- No, it's not.
- Your two I.D.'s. Come on.

- Wait a minute. I know you.
- Me?

No, not you, him.

- You're Captain Bellybuster.
- That's right.

- He sure is.
- Gee, my kids are crazy
about you.

The way you fly down and crash through
that wall with them burgers in your hands.

Hey, uh, could I get your
autograph for my kids?

Why sure. What are their
names? Jennifer and Ryan.

You know, they wake me
up every Saturday morning...

so we can go down and get
some of them Breakfast Busters.

And it's good for them too...
Packed with nutritional value.

- Hey, how 'bout yours?
- Me? Um...

Uh, well, Captain, I guess
we better be going along...

if we're gonna hit the
rest of those locations.

We're scouting locations
for his new commercials.

Burger alert!

Burger alert. Gotta go. Bye.

Let's go. Okay,
Captain, after you.

Right in there. Okay,
thank you, Officer.

Captain Bellybuster.

It's Mickey, Mickey
Michaelson...

At least that's what
my name is now.

It used to be Michael Negausky, that's before
I changed it and went into show business...

and started doing
the Playhouse...

Playhouse? Playhouse 90?

No, Mickey's Magic Playhouse.

Mickey's Magic Playhouse. Yes, I
remember seeing that quite a few times.

It had Billy Bluejeans
on it and that bird...

and that rabbit that used
to stump you at spelling.

- Right, c*ck Robin.
- That's right.

And Miss Spelling
and the Alphabet.

Bill, I used to watch
his show all the time.

It was on in the morning around 5:30.
I used to watch before I took a shower.

Yeah, that's what k*lled us in most of
the major markets. We were on too early.

Then they put on those early morning
cartoons... Qwazy Qwackenbush.

He's the one who
knocked us off in Philly.

Cap, could we talk about
who knocked off Bruce Warfel?

I'm really kind of
more into that, actually.

Oh, it must have been
Donato Friago, the loan shark.

He was the silent partner with Cal Freeman
and Herb Teil of the Hamburger Heaven chain.

Only his interests were using
the interstate shipments...

of Hamburger Heaven's supplies to
move his drugs... that's what I found out.

Well, you must've
tipped your mitt, Mickey,

because, obviously, they
canceled the shipment,

waited to see if we were
gonna bust 'em... we tried...

And then they knew it
was you that fingered them.

- That's when they decided
to deep-fry your hamburgers.
- Yeah, poor Mr. Warfel.

I can't believe
they did that to him.

- Burger alert! Burger alert!
- Uh-huh.

Oh, boy. Did any cops spot you?

Yeah. Coppers had me cornered.

But I popped one
and took it on the lam.

Then I parked a few
blocks away and I walked.

Oh, that's wonderful. Keep the
jokes comin'. Just enjoy yourself.

They've got my name and my
number and Ralph is a known associate.

I mean, I'm startin' to sound
like John Dillinger here.

Bill, take it easy
on the girl, all right?

They think you're to smart to be
dumb enough to come over here.

- Thanks, Ralph... I think.
- Here's your Bellybuster,
Captain.

Mickey, Miss
Davidson. Thank you.

I always get hungry when I get nervous, and
I can't eat anything but Hamburger Heaven.

Not since I put on the
Captain Bellybuster outfit.

Mmm! These are good!

Mm. And fortified
with all the vitamins...

that make up your
daily requirement.

g*ng, I think we're slippin' a little
bit out of our assigned airspace here.

We're tryin' to figure out
how to get out of this mess.

Well, the first thing we gotta do, is
we gotta find Mickey some clothes.

Believe me, I know what it feels like to be
running around like Radar Man from Mars.

I don't understand.
What do you mean?

- Well, don't you feel dumb?
- Dumb?

- Why should I feel dumb?
- Come on. You're running
around in red leotards...

with a beef patty on your chest.

I mean, you gotta feel silly and don't you
feel embarrassed when people look at ya?

Hey, lookit, pal. People look
up to me... I mean, the kids.

What do they have but me?

The adults too. They
come to me also...

because I guess I kind of
remind them of a superhero...

of yesterday when the
world was a simpler place.

Good and bad and right
and wrong were just as plain...

As the patty melt on your chest.

That's very funny. Hey,
you can laugh if you want to,

but I'm very proud
to wear this uniform.

Now, look. We've gotta do
something about our situation.

I mean, the police are bound
to show up here sooner or later.

Yeah, the counselor's right.
We gotta find a speed factory...

Wherever that is... and nail
this Donato for k*lling Warfel.

Hey, wait a minute.
How you gonna do that?

Where'd you say you found the
manifest for the shipping routes?

Oh, in the main offices of
Hamburger Heaven in Century City.

Hey, they cleaned those out a long time
ago, as soon as they found out that I knew.

Mickey, I'd like to thank
you very much for your help.

No, thank you.

I'd hate the captain's name to
get mixed up in a drug scandal.

It would be terrible if I couldn't
wear this uniform out in public...

with pride.

It's locked. I don't
have the key. Ralph.

How did he do that? The
power of positive thinking.

Well, looks like somebody
left here in a hurry.

Yeah, Donato
Friago, housecleaning.

Oh!

Bill, I got something here.

Seems they're packing drugs in
Hamburger Heaven frozen patty containers.

- Where? Where is it?
- Warehouse or factory
or something. Mickey!

Does Hamburger Heaven
have any warehouses in L.A.?

I don't know.

Well, how many Hamburger Heaven
warehouses can there be in L.A.?

Try "H.H." Run 'em
all. They gotta be there.

I'm gonna get us a cab. We need
some wheels we can depend on.

Mickey, how ya doin'?

Okay. Just saying good-bye
to Captain Bellybuster.

You know, it was easier to
say good-bye to Billy Bluejeans.

Why good-bye? Are you kidding?

This is the end of
Hamburger Heaven.

So, it's the end of
Captain Bellybuster.

Well, it doesn't
have to be the end.

So goes Hamburger
Heaven, so goes the captain.

The captain was
Hamburger Heaven.

Mickey, listen. You
are Captain Bellybuster.

Now, as long as you're around,
Captain Bellybuster's around.

You know, not just
anybody can fill that suit.

I guess you got a point.

- Here it is. 11241 Sherman Way.
- Okay. That's it.

Cab should be out
front. Come on, honey.

C-Captain
Bellybuster's in my cab!

You k*ll me!
Whenever I see you...

flying around with those
hamburger's in your hand, I just love it!

Thank you.

Uh, hello?

11241 Sherman Way.

And can we k*ll the laugh
track? Yeah. The guys...

at the garage are gonna
k*ll me when they find out...

that I had Captain
Bellybuster in my cab!

- Uh, we're in kind of a rush.
- Yeah. Yeah.

We're on burger alert.

Okay, Ralph, that's it.
Ralph, you on the inside.

Counselor, you take Captain
Bellybuster and the merry Mouseketeer,

call Carlisle and
get some backup.

Hey, I don't understand.
Where are you goin'?

Uh, well, we're just
gonna wing it. Wing it?

Yeah. Hey, listen. I
should go with you.

I really should. We're just
gonna keep and eye on them...

until you and Pam come back
with some backup, that's all.

Yeah. Yeah, but, really.

Mickey, please,
this is the best thing.

Would you mind taking
us... To the telephone. Yeah.

Doesn't he just k*ll ya?

Well, uh, you get used to it.

- Stop the cab!
- Mickey, what are you doing?

I gotta go help them.
This is all my fault.

Bruce getting k*lled,
getting you guys in trouble.

I gotta get you out.

I know this is gonna come
out kind of dumb, but...

this is a job for
Captain Bellybuster!

You two make me laugh.

I mean, what's this
world comin' to?

You come to me. You tell
me you need some dough...

to open up a fast-food chain.

Yeah, okay, throw that on the
truck. Didn't I give you the dough?

Didn't I? Didn't I? Yeah, sure
you did. and we appreciate it.

With this you appreciate
it? Keepin' records on me...

so some goofball in stretch
underwear can wipe me out?

We gotta pack up
and get out of here...

and find another
place to operate out of.

How am I supposed to
make up for my losses?

We offered to make good on the
money. We got the 100 G's you loaned us.

We'll give it to ya. Ah!
Angina, ya give me.

Look, Don. It was
a stupid mistake.

You don't know how
stupid. Hey, Donnie.

Now, wait. Herb, talk to him.

Fertilize an orange
grove with 'em. Yes, sir.

F.B.I. You guys
are busted. Freeze!

You heard him. Do as he says.

Mickey, get out of the road!

Okay, Friago, out!

Up, baby, both of you!
You want another one?

Mickey! Mickey, you all right?

Mickey! Mickey, talk to us.

Captain Bellybuster's
on burger alert.

Burger alert! Burger alert!

Come in, Captain
Bellybuster. Do you read me?

Now, uh, let me see
if I've got this straight.

This is the flying man that was in
the picture in the paper with you?

Yes, sir. It's all right
here in my report.

Yeah, Mickey Michaelson,

Captain Bellybuster!

Boy, oh, boy. A lot of people
say one of the funniest guys on TV.

My inside man at
Hamburger Heaven...

helped me bust their whole
drug smuggling operation.

Your kids probably
love this guy, sir.

He's been working
with you right along?

Yes, sir, and I'm
sorry about before.

I couldn't explain about Mickey being Captain
Bellybuster. He had to remain anonymous.

He was afraid for his
life, because, well, uh,

after Donato wiped
out Bruce Warfel...

Bruce Warfel, that's the publisher
who put the article in the newspaper...

so that I could flush out Donato
and his whole speed factory.

That's terrific, Billy. Yeah.

I hate it. Makes all the sense in
the world. Answers every question.

Yes, it does, sir, doesn't it?

Yes, I'm sorry, sir.

Bill, I was really afraid you were
going for the deep six on this one.

Me too. What?

What'd you say?

I said, "Me too."

Well, anyway, what the heck.
Another day, another big bust.

Another big, big diamond in
the Maxwell package, right, sir?

- Right?
- Right.

Gee, it's so nice to be able
to put you in a good mood...

at this time of
the morning, sir.

And I'm gonna try to get
you Mickey's autograph.

For your kids.

I can't guarantee
anything, but I'm gonna try.

I can tell by that happy face...

that Carlisle has bought
the Captain Bellybuster story.

Well, you just have to know
what you're doin', that's all.

I needed, uh, a guy
with the funny suit...

and the funny cape and
the funny little booties.

That's Captain Bellybuster
It was a great idea.

I was sensational. Carlisle
bought it hook, line and sinker.

You take good advice, Bill. Huh?

Oh, uh, yeah.

Okay, yeah, well, thanks,
counselor. It was a good idea.

Ralph, do you mind?
I work here. Sorry.

Anyway, it all went
down real smooth.

Yeah, except for Mickey.

I guess now that Burger Heaven's
shutting down, he's out of work.

Nope. Take a look at this.

- Wow! Look at that. He's actually a hero.
- What? What? Let me see.

He's had a couple of offers from some
other fast-food chains to be their mascot.

There's a deli in Santa Monica where
he can be the new Scarlet Pumpernickel.

There's some places back east
where he can be the new Burger Meister.

Oh, my name isn't
mentioned in here once.

You've gotten enough press
from this particular paper.

Wanna hear the best part of all?

He asked me to
be his new partner.

Oh, Ralph. Give me a break. What do
you know about hawking onion patty melts?

He said I was the best partner
he's ever had since Billy Bluejeans.

Yeah, but isn't that the guy that went
bananas on camera? They had to put him away.

He had some emotional problems, but
he used to run around on stage going...

I liked him.