03x02 - Tick vs. Dot and Neil's Wedding

[bunniefuu]

[howling]
That was the scene almost a year ago today,

when Dinosaur Neil, noted paleontologist
and curator of Dinosaur Grotto,

accidentally consumed
one of his own experiments

and quote unquote
"went Jurassic."

But now, instead of prehistoric
fury and untold municipal destruction,

it's wedding bells for Neil,

as he plans to marry
the sister of the sidekick

of the superhero responsible for ending the
errant fossil-finder's rampage last year,

and restoring him back to normal,

The Tick.

Tick: Oh, Dot has nothing to fear, Arthur.

I know full-well the weighty
duties of the best man.

And I won't let her down.

Whoa-h*-h*! Surprise
hug from Mr. Freaky-Big!

Now, teach me another one
of those Yiddish words, chum.

Why?

Well I've gotta catch up; I only
found out recently we're Jewish!

Tick, we're not Jewish.

I'm Jewish. Dot's Jewish. You're...

I dunno, you're--
you're blue-ish.

Ah... Hmm... Sha-lom.

Sha-lom. Sha-lom!

[dogs barking and growling]

Chairface: I hope my offering pleases.

You make a good meal
for a monkey, Chairface.

Yes. I'm particularly touched
you didn't try to poison us.

But what do you want?

El Seed, proud tyrant over a
flowering kingdom of vegetable villainy.

And the Breadmaster.

The twisted baking genius
who brought us the Doomsday Croissant.

Chairface: What if I told
you that Dinosaur Neil

will once again terrorize The City?

But that this time he'll be taking orders.

From us.

Go on.

Chairface: I have stolen
Dinosaur Neil's medical files.

I know the secret of his
monstrous transformation.

In fact, I had one of my men substitute
his normal anti-growth medication

with a little mixture of my own.

The slightest bit of stress will
trigger Neil's dinosaur genes.

And what's more stressful than a wedding?

[all cackle maniacally]

Hut! Incoming!

Ooh, the guests are arriving.

Ushers, prepare to ush!

[quiet conversation]

Tick! I just remembered...

we were supposed to hire a photographer!

Worry not, well-dressed avenger.

The best man has it all under control.

Really? You took care of it?

Oh, Tick, that's great!

Big Shot: Freeze!

Freeze!

[alarmed cacophony]

Come on! Hands over your heads!

Against the wall, punk!

Oh!

You hired a psychotic, g*n-toting
ex-vigilante to take wedding pictures?!

Rehab through photography, Arthur.

He's trying to turn over a new leaf.

Big Shot: Freeze!

Artie!

Oh great... here come my parents.

Freeze!

[gasps]

Hi Ma, Dad.

Ah, well... This is um--

Ruth! Harry! I've heard so much about you!

You introduced my daughter
to this Neil character, right?

Yup!

I hear he gets big sometimes.

Oh yes! I've wrestled his tongue!

Getting married. Getting
married. Getting married. Neil!

Neil, don't panic you're just getting...

MARRIED!

What's... WRONG with my medication?!

[bestial snarling]

Aha. Plastic Neil's sadly atilt!

One more crisis averted.

I... Huh?

Wait a minute... that's not Neil! It's--

Breadmaster: That's right,
Tick; it's the Breadmaster.

And this wedding cake is
going to go off in two minutes!

[Breadmaster laughs]

Bad baker! I've pitted my stomach
against your perilous pastry before!

And won! And today will be no different!

Die Fledermaus: Hey, Arthur.
What does this mean?

[growls]

[screams wordlessly]

[Tick gulping]
Arthur: Tick!

Tick: Must... eat!

What are you doing?!

The wedding cake is going to explode!

What?! Tick!

Never mind! The floral arrangement
is eating Die Fledermaus!

[exclaims unintelligibly]

[Breadmaster cackles]

[cake rumbles]

Die Fledermaus: Help! HELP!

Brute bouquet, prepare to be stemmed!

Aah!

Ugh!

The unholy fiend pollinated my rental tux!

I'm a-- Huh?!

[gasps with effort]

Big Shot: Reach for the sky!

Nice sh**ting, Big Shot!

Ugh. There!

Oh! The wedding cake!

Big Shot, give me a hand grenade!

A what?
[laughs nervously]

I.. I don't have any.

[stammers nervously]

Come on, man! I've got a bun
in the oven and it's about to blow!

Alright.

Alright. There!

Are you happy now?!
[sobs]

Tick: Everyone find your seats.

The wedding is about to begin!

Ruth: Arthur? What's going on?

[stammers]
Ma, everything's...

Just sit.
[expl*si*n in distance]

Okay. OKAY. Okay.

You're okay, just calm down.

[door crashes]
Tick: Oof!

Hi Neil.

TICK! I need your help.

Rrr... TICK!

Easy, man! Watch the lapels!

Does frosting stain synthetics?

[Neil growls]

Listen to me!

The pills I use to keep me-- RRRGH-- human,

they're not working!

Tick if ANYthing happens... Here.

I've been researching my condition,

And I think I know HOW to cure it.

I want you to HOLD onto my notes, okay?

In case of bigness. Check.

[wedding music plays]

[growls and snorts]

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today

to witness the union of these two

fine young people.

[Dot gasps]
What happened to you?

Uhh... Had to blow up the wedding cake.

[rabbi continues quietly]
You what?!

Tick, I'm almost out of pills!

Just relax, man, we're almost...

Oy gevalt!

Neil! Chairface has played
wicked with your pills!

[growls]
What? What?! I... I... I...

I'm sorry, honey!

[roars viciously]

[attendees scream]

I'm trying to kick the violence thing,
y'know, but it's so hard to change.

To really change, as a person.

I hear ya, man.

[Neil snarls]

Tick: Aw, Neil, come on! Thaw out
those cold feet! Let's talk this over.

[roars]

[giggles dazedly]
Mazel tov!

Oh, uh, say... Neil gave me this.

Let me see that.

To whom it may concern,

If you're reading this then I'm
probably destroying The City.

After careful research I've concluded
that my dinosaur DNA has been mutating.

I'm afraid that if I grow again, my
medication will cease having an effect.

Tick! Do you know what this means?!

Uh huh!

Now Neil's going to have to
rent his tux from Mr. Freaky-Big!

Tick!

It means we can't just give
him an aspirin and call it a day!

Oh wait, wait, wait! Neil's written
out a way to reverse the process.

[Arthur mumbles quietly]

Okay, he says we need...

Oh... a submarine.

Okay! Well, who's got a submarine?

Tick: Wow, really?!

And 1400 pounds of pungent raw meat...

Anybody?

Ooh, Urchin! Where
did you get all that stuff?

Ah, same place as the tux;

In the sewer.

You'd be surprised what people throw away.
It's definitely a treasure trove.

This is Brian Pinhead
with a special report.

It's Dinosaur Neil déjà vu.

Evacuation of The City
is underway, as Neil,

who you can see is bigger than ever,

once again unleashes his... inner reptile.

Chairface: Gentlemen, I'd like you both
to meet a long-time associate of mine,

and a specialist in perhaps
the unluckiest of fields.

The Indigestible Man.

Eh?

What do you mean, indigestible?

[guffaws]

Try me.

Chairface: Indigestible Man,

would you be so kind as
to fetch us our dinosaur?

It would be my pleasure, Chairface.

Ugh!

This wedding stinks!

Ruth: I hope that's kosher!

[roars]

Oh, okay, okay. Now we're supposed to...

get in the sub?!

Tick: Right!

No, no. No, Tick, wait. This is insane.

No time for sanity, chum!

We've got a hungry dinosaur on our hands!

Looks like we're going to
have to pull an inside job!

He's my fiancé; I'm going too!

Dot! Oh, for the love of...
I can't believe this!

Here he comes!

Tick: Y'know, this is
beginning to feel a little familiar.

[snarls grow louder]



[more screams]

Well, looks like we're in the stomach.

Officially eaten.

What next?

Okay. First we've got to
get out of the gastric cavity

through the digestive sphincter,

ugh, and into the duodenum.

Huh. A lotta big words, but what'll I do?

Dive deep and make a hard right.

Check!

Do you guys hear that?

Yeah, I think your fiancé's stomach acids
are eating through the hull of our sub.

Well, that looks kind of sphincter-y,

but the stomach's all closed up!

[fizzing]

The hull can't take much more of this!

We'd better ram it!

Hang on!

[moans painfully]

[roars]

IM: Come on, big fella!

Open up.

[Chairface chuckles]

Ah, but you see?

No one knows his way around
a body like the Indigestible Man!

He'll make it to Neil's
brain in half their time.

He'll plug into our reptilian
friend's motor control centers,

and then we'll have the biggest flunky

in the history of size!

[all cackle]

Okay, Neil says we should
find a strand of swollen DNA

at the base of his brain,
near his pituitary gland.

We just have to destroy
the dinosaur gene material

and then he'll start reverting to normal.

I'm just not sure how to
get to the brain from here...

Huh? Here, let me take a look.

Well, what if we drove the sub
through the wall of this vessel

into that spongy thing there.

And then we drive through the
spongy thing and out the other side

and all the way to this dog-shaped thing!

What?!

Tick... You're talking
about driving the submarine

through the side of Neil's liver!

We can't--

But look at the size of it!

He's big, we're tiny!

Besides, maybe he doesn't really need it?

He needs it, Tick! He needs it!

Arthur: Just drive!
I'll figure it out.

IM: Come in, Chairface.
Come in, Chairface!

Indigestible Man here.

In position.

Haha, wonderful. Wonderful!

I'm hooked into Neil's motor
control and speech centers.

I'm ready to take over at your signal.

Chairface: Oh, by all means. Thank you.

[moans]

[Neil & Chairface chuckle in unison]

Chairface: Citizens of The City

I, Chairface Chippendale, have
commandeered this magnificent body!

Dinosaur Neil answers to my will now!

So I'm sure you would
agree: my will is law!

[cackling in unison]

Tick: Canny navigation, chum!

We're at the doorstep of Neil's brain!

Just be careful, Tick.

Fear not! I'll handle his custard
with the kiddiest of kid gloves.

Arthur: Hey! There's the
swollen DNA, just like Neil said!

Tick: Then we're set!

Hey... There's a guy in his
underwear living in Neil's melon!

Arthur: Tick, he must be
the one who's doing this!

Get him!

Right! Time to take a swim.

You handle the dinosaur gene-cleaning.

Here's the dinosaur gene.

Huh?! Oh!

[citizenry screams]

Now you'll feel the wrath of Chairface!

Look upon my works, ye mighty, and de--

[confused grunt]

What are you going to do?

The only thing we can do!

[pained shouts]

Arthur: Tick! It worked!

But now he's shrinking.

Oh, man!

Today is so loopy!

I'm heading for his sinuses!

Then step on it, chum,
and don't spare the mucus!

[grunts]

[sneezes]

No!

And so,

by the power invested in me,

I now pronounce you

husband and wife!

You may kiss the bride.

[glass shatters]

[attendees applaud]

Thank you Tick, Arthur, for all your help!

You're welcome, newlyweds!

And thank you for teaching us all that love

is thicker than most bodily membranes.

But not quite as sticky!

And that a heart full of love is better

than a body full of people.

Verily, the feet that carry
us on the heart's path today

will be the feet that soak

in the steaming brew of happiness tomorrow!

In fact, those very same happy feet--

Arthur: Tick!
Tick: Yes, chum?

Stop hocking me a chainik!

Huh?

[chuckles]
It means stop talking so much.

Oh h* h*! Neat!

Hey Arthur! Naomi
Shingle writes, Dear Tick,

Why does my grandmother
always have to pinch my cheeks?

Naomi, think like a grandmother!

Through the miracle
of life, you have a child.

Then years pass, and that child
grows up and has a child of its own!

You! Naomi Shingle!

Your grandmother is
one of the strongest links

in that great chain of
being we call humanity!

And that's pretty boss!

It's a wonder she isn't
pinching everything in sight!