01x06 - Alive! Miracle in Cedar Knoll, Wisconsin

[bunniefuu]

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there's gonna get you he's gonna turn

into a bat oh these 3d glasses I thought

that bat was gonna fly right in my head

get caught in my hair flap on my

forehead the only one brave enough is

your mom to take it off get out of my

son moms are tough

that's who you get when you're scared

he'll run him get your dad you get your

mom look out he's hitting his mom she

k*lled a monster last week she's the one

to watch out for moms are tough huh

actually the show see if I could survive

another attack from the wild man of

Borneo

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I was born into a big family and for the

first few years of my life it was bliss

big family meant plenty of company and

abundance of playmates and well lots of

presents on my birthday when I turned 4

however I discovered that big families

had a downside

older brothers I had why not that's

where the Wisconsin snow bruce lee lives

you know what heat up here then

oh it's arms could reach you if it

wanted I would go to sleep tonight if I

were you they convinced me that the

Wisconsin's lived in our basement for

years I refused to go down there until I

got a little older a little smart

hey Tommy come here from a frogface

family of course not dear Louie

oh you think she'd tell you for three

and a half years I spent every waking

moment devising new ways to scare my

little

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and then one cold December day all that

change the very last episode of night

sniffer dog of Justice was gonna be on

TV that night nothing was gonna prevent

me from watching that show nice dog

adjusters final episode my plan was

working out perfectly I covered every

angle Loie tommy grab your coat

except one we're going to Grandma's why

do we have to go because we love her

grandma's got a touch of the flu we're

gonna make her some dinner little

company will do her some good what your

mother means is misery loves company it

was time to change the intricate master

plan wait a minute

you shouldn't bring Tommy to a sick

person's house it's the flu just like

that I told you I could eat a whole

stick of butter chunks all over the

backseat of the Rambler you were really

mad

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Tommy a chili and grape juice for lunch

imagine that collage on your backseat

anything the boy should stay here I

don't know Andy I don't know about this

Andy it's starting to snow

what are you talking about I see two

flakes

I see three now Laura is going to make

dinner for you it'll be a treat and we

should be back in a couple hours

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see you later

my will now that mom and dad work

my brothers and sisters is some full

responsibility mom and dad call don't

tell them I left who's gonna make us

dinner Danny can make you dinner

bye Louie I'm outta here Kerala make you

dinner lunch you can skip a meal at

least we'd be able to watch Knights

nephron peace and quiet the only problem

was the snowfall outside it was turning

into a blizzard wrecking our reception

fortunately I had a special blizzard

antenna well I was dealing with the

whiny antenna you're looking better

already

alright let's get out aren't you too

sweet to come visit an old lady come

over here and give your mama G's nice

little wave grandma you're good enough

friend don't be such a baby

hmm mama how are you feeling well now

that you ask me my nose is running like

the Amazon my breakfast keeps coming

back on me

and my head if anyone needs me I'll just

be in the other room over here and pick

you the whole town's going out great you

brung the whole tone what are you to say

for yourself need to what looks good

yeah the real delicacy a member mr.

Halloran

the janitor died last year with no

electricity in the house we were forced

to improvise

sherry can sinks right over here the big

hole in the counter recognizing dee I

meant of course it's coming right up

there grandma sweet thing we should go

we have to wait until it stops snowing

there's a blizzard out what you mean

this Florence is a sunbathe in this kind

of weather when I told tundra duty at

the Ice Station zebra well that may be

so Andy but I still don't know how you

think we're going to get home unless

you're planning to get out there and

shovel the interstate Annie don't skimp

on the ice please yeah I'd like to hit

her in the head with a block ice Andy I

coming right up there grandma can't wait

to give it to you not to kiss you old

Buzzard she's giving away germs like

their candy on Halloween at least cover

up the soup

I think it's dawn I was feeling pretty

mature pretty responsible everything was

under control I'm gonna get peeps all

over my bed probably just icicles

falling in the driveway probably just I

suppose falling on the road bicycles in

the base it's my real parents

the fog phases they've come back for me

no it's not because I made up the story

about your real parents not even what's

in the basement

the Wisconsin snow grizzly I don't

believe you it's the Frog phases now

Wisconsin snow grizzly frog faces snow

grizzly as a result of the dumbest

argument I ever had my life I had no

choice I had to visit the lair of the

Wisconsin snow horse nah hold on there

about inflate myself only to get

frostbite or something

forget it I'm in charge here I'll handle

this well I was in the basement better

look on I'm coming down yeah and he's

got a plunger to Thanks

that'll scare him if they're a toilet

all right out of my way

if there's anything scary down here you

might hide entirely oh that shouldn't be

open hey I've been looking for this

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don't worry Tommy

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that's sorry about that Lois didn't mean

to scare you yes you did what are you

guys doing here when the power went out

we came by to see if you guys were all

right why are you in my basement oh that

was Grunwald's idea he wanted to try and

scare you wait a minute you just said

you didn't mean to scare me sue me well

it didn't work I wasn't scared you

fainted

fooled you I was taking a short nap

method Navarino where's the rest of your

family

Hey Iona go tell Tommy everything's okay

down here there's a visit from Welcome

Wagon

Tommy did you lose your brother Louie

Wow your family's dropping like flies

where the heck is he

Tommy this is no time to play hide and

seek no come on Tommy Tommy are you in

here his coach gone he went into the

woods

but that's where the Wisconsin snow

grizzly lives what everyone knows that

mom let's go no way the thing will rip

you to pieces I can't believe you guys

the Wisconsin snow grizzly doesn't exist

Bigfoot ate him years ago

I don't see you rushing into the woods I

would Louie but he's not my brother

whoever's related to him supposed to go

in first dream walls right that's the

rule call the cops

wait Louie I don't think you have to go

what do you mean look Tommy well works

done here Yeah right

thanks going Tommy what do you what do

you do note here I ran away to the

garage I'm waiting till it stops snowing

then I'm going to Cleveland or Spain or

something why'd you run away you scared

me I didn't mean to

it was Grunwald on the basement you know

he scared me I fainted was it Grunwald

last week hiding in my closet

was it Grunwald who told me I was

adopted did Grunwald pop out of the

clothes hamper when I was in the bathtub

no

I'm your older brother and it's in my

job description

my brother scared me and I get to scare

you a little I get stares I'm the

youngest the Morrisons down the street

just had a baby maybe you can scare him

never stopped me when you were a baby I

had your booties bronzed while they were

still on your feet

tell you one I won't scare you anymore

and you can practice scaring me until

the Morrisons baby gets older deal snow

grizzly

you gotta put more feeling into it just

a squirrel don't be so sure look like

one of those k*ller squirrels and that's

how dad saved us from the k*ller

snowstorm in our family stories had a

way of mutating every time dad told so

by the next Thanksgiving Zee

[Applause]

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five Thanksgivings and a full decade

later the story reached its final

a military I was stationed on the

Siberian Barrett's was spending money

five rubles about 25 bucks a day aren't

you scared

are you kidding I guess spent 17

straight hours with your grandmother you

think a little teddy bear is gonna scare

me

we missed of course all versions of the

story had the same in sorry no Hagen the

sick lady she's contagious got it from

her mother Oh

typhoid granny go away go wild

world it finally stopped snowing the

power came back on and the rest of my

brothers and sisters returned home Tommy

Tommy you sleep not anymore

I got something for you happy birthday

yeah write this for my birthday well I'm

planning on forgetting your birthday I

can do that I'm your older brother it's

right in the Job Description

Thanks hey Louie you think there's a

real Wisconsin snow grizzly out there

now I know I promised Tommy not to scare

him anymore no probably not

because the real Wisconsin snow grizzly

is hind under your bed yeah hey it's in

the job description

pleasant dreams Thomasina

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