01x36 - Salem's Plot

[bunniefuu]

[Applause]

she got a superstar

who

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she's knows

[Applause]

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all right if you're gonna be such a baby

about it we can climb down this rope

come on

hey sabrina mr jensen is putting

together this year's chorale i'm gonna

sign up corral cool sign me up too i'm

scared

don't worry we're perfectly safe what

could happen

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wow the open slots are really limited

this year what if we both don't get in

don't think like that you'll get in

don't you mean we'll get in well yeah

but i'm more worried about you oh really

don't do me any favors khloe i've got

just as much of a shot as you do oh yeah

in theory in theory

sabrina i've been taking singing lessons

since i was six and i was the lead in

our sixth grade musical okay okay but

you better not use magic to cheat please

like i need to

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you said we were perfectly safe

so i was wrong what do i know i'm an

aunt look let's white flag this huh fair

enough besides i still need help with

algebra

even if i am going to whip your bony

backside at auditions

the coast is clear let's go

nope

what are you gonna do stay up here all

night

wake up call for 11 please

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ah

stop that infernal racket i'm trying to

think you're just playing tic-tac-toe

against yourself

and losing thanks to you people

yeesh who copped a hairball into his

litter box

hey everybody guess who's gonna be

singing in a corral

great another tie

thanks a lot sabrina salem what's really

bugging you talk or i'll zap it out of

you

if you must know

i just got a magifax

is coming to visit today have a who

hephaestus he was my best friend in

wizard school reunion that's cool cool

are you kidding i can't let him see i

was turned into a cat by the witch's

council why not he's your best friend

you want to know why not you wouldn't

ask that if you knew my history with

hephaestus

this is back in the 12th century long

before the witch's council turned me

into a cat festus and i would compete at

everything who could eat the most who

could attract the cutest girls our

favorite contest though was racing

carpets

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you're too slow pal

dream on victim

behold my grand creation the straight

tower of pisa

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eiffel building

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you'll pay for that nope you'll pay for

that pal of mine i won and you know what

that means you're my servant for the

next 50 years

double or nothing loser oh you're on

anyway now you know why i've avoided

hephaestus all these years actually no i

don't

need i draw you a picture quiggles hef

is still in human form and he's still

got all his magical powers so

so if hath saw me like this it'd mean

after all these years he'd finally have

something on me and he'd be so

smug about it i see his point sometimes

friends get big egos about things like

oh like singing to pick an example out

of the air

of course sometimes friends are totally

unrealistic about their limitations oh

yeah yeah thank you girls for that

insightful and completely unrelated

tangent now can we please get back to

the important issues namely mine

not much to get back to

tell your friend the truth the truth

please does anyone have a good idea

anyone don't look at us we're already in

enough trouble with the witches council

sorry salem

sabrina you gotta help me cast a spell

can you do it yourself

no thumbs i'm busy say them i've got a

mountain of homework and i've got to

practice my singing for tomorrow i got

some extra time though you see i really

don't need all the practice sabrina does

if i weren't such a nice person i just

might be tempted to knock you flat for

that

i've heard you sing you're the expert on

flat okay guys break it up for the sake

of all that's holy help me sabrina

mm-hmm

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okay what do you want me to do

thanks i knew that i could con

convince you

are you familiar with the term golem

golem is a sort of magical robot it's

made out of clay so you can adjust the

features to look like whoever you want

it's hollow so i can operate it from the

inside all right let me see i'll need

some clay to get me started

how about this

close enough now i need some dragon

spain extract whatever that is dragon

spain are you kidding one tablespoon a

day keeps my coat nice and glossy

dragon's vein vase of clay become a

golem and save the day

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he looks exactly like me are you sure he

looks like fabio to me

no he doesn't salem he's a dead ringer

so

what's fabio got that i don't

charm poise rippling pectoral muscles it

was a rhetorical question

do you think you'll be able to operate

at salem

don't insult me i commanded an entire

golem squadron back in the second

netherworld w*r trust me this little

kitty knows his way around the golem

okay but be careful come on chloe you

could chip a tooth on one of those

biceps chloe he's not real

a girl can dream can't she

here goes nothing

gee i really hope that poll wasn't

holding up anything important like the

roof

it sounds like salem could use some

driving lessons

yeah and you could use some singing

lessons hey i'm getting pretty tired of

your little d*ck i mean at least i don't

sing through my nose like some people oh

yeah

well at least i don't go off pitch when

i get nervous really are you forgetting

who won first place in the solo and

ensemble festival i'll give you a hint

it wasn't you

i had a call that day wasn't that

convenient oh that does it i'm out of

here

fine with me and may the best girl win

thank you i will

go

i'll show her

first i better help salem before he

destroys the house

uh hi are you hephaestus i have that

honor i am indeed the astounding

enchanting extraordinary yet disarmingly

humble wizard hepastas now if you'll

excuse me i must consort with one of my

fellow wizards on matters of great

import

wow and i thought sabrina had a big ego

he's here salem are you ready

everything's under control let him in

good afternoon i'm looking for a wizard

by the name of salem

come on in i'm sabrina and you must be

hephaestus ah as usual my fame precedes

me

salem should be out any second

i said he'll be out any second

so mr hephaestus you and salem grew up

together that's right and i'm very

anxious to see him again where is he uh

that's a good question

is something wrong wrong what could be

wrong

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nope

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nope

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so you decided to lie after all

quigley what am i gonna do hephaestus is

here and i'm a mangy cat i think cat

would have been sufficient just tell him

the truth salem it's always the best way

what say we label that plan b okay he's

going to know the truth anyway as soon

as he sees you you're right quigg i'll

have to come clean

oh it's too bad what a great acting

challenge that would have been for some

lucky artist

watched challenge hmm oh i'm sorry did i

say that out loud something about a

lucky artist

oh just a whim of a vagary of a notion

no i could never find an actor with the

skill to pull it off actor

excuse me

you happen to be talking to the

assistant treasurer of the gilbert and

sullivan booster society greendale

chapter goodness that's right you are an

actor i'd almost forgotten

but do you think even a great actor like

yourself could pull off the role of a

wizard

of course i could salem i was born to

play this part congratulations you're

gonna play the role of a lifetime

me

i got the part i can't believe it it's

true now let's go

don't i get a script no it's all ad-lib

don't worry i'll be right there with you

i'll pretend i'm your familiar my what

familiar it's like an assistant now

let's go

shouldn't i have a hat or something just

go

my first role in years and i have no

script and no wardrobe

oh well the show must go on

actors

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hello old hell it is i your bosom

this is my

my

cat

no the word is on the tip of my tongue

it's very familiar oh that's it this is

my familiar

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salem old friend you look so different

well i try to eat right get lots of

exercise

okay you said hello and i say goodbye is

something wrong with your familiar oh

you know how it is ones simply can't get

good help these days kid one

you get good help that is

[Music]

great i've created frankenham

anyway i'd love to catch up if you have

some free time i'd be honored if you'd

show me around your quaint little

village

no

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sounds great old friend

good perhaps you should zap us around

since we're on your home turf

unless you're still having problems with

your basic spells sabrina

i remember the time salem stared into

his crystal ball for an hour before he

figured out i had switched it with his

bowling ball

are you gonna stand there and let him

insult us like that he's not insulting

me he's insulting you

got a little more acreage in the old

backyard these days huh salem what was

that

nothing i've tried to keep myself fit

over the centuries that's all you look

like you've um slowed down

who is that sue

well i bet i could still beat you in a

race with both hands stapled to a

manhole cover oh yeah then let's race

the usual stakes sure

great loser becomes the servant of the

winner for the next 50 years quickly i

mean salem you don't really want to do

this

oh yes i do fine the race is tomorrow at

high noon

oh by the way i don't have my flying

carpet with me so i'll need to borrow

one of yours

uh what how exactly do you plan on

racing him tomorrow or are you planning

on being his servant for the next 50

years

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i lost my head i got competitive and i

lost my head why did i listen to you oh

we've got to come clean until the

fastest the truth no way my lie was nice

simple and would have worked you're the

dim bulb who challenged half to a race

you're not punking out now

well i made the challenge i suppose i do

have a moral obligation to race him yeah

and you're gonna beat him sabrina can

you whip up a couple of magic carpets

sure

make our strong since there will be two

of us on it two

right either you fly with me or we tell

the fastest the truth like i said in the

first place okay okay

i'll make the carpets for you but you're

on your own for the race i've got corral

auditions tomorrow

persian rugs get off the floor the time

has come for you to soar silly wizards

will be your master help make uncle

quickly faster

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beautiful dreamer

out on the sea

mermaids are chanting the wild laura lee

over the stream lit vapors are born

waiting to fade at the bright coming

morn

how'd it go

fine

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are you ready sabrina i guess so

beautiful dreamer

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waiting to fade at

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very good sabrina but you need to work

on your pitch

anyway i'll post the results on the

bulletin board as soon as the auditions

are complete okay thank you mr jensen

that was so embarrassing i wish i could

talk to chloe about it

oh well i can always talk to my family

maybe now's not the best time

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what the heck is going on

flying carpets aren't built to go faster

than 40 miles an hour salem is pushing

them too hard oh no

we're trying to warn them but they won't

slow down

oh

that's it we're walking

salem your carpet is unraveling

so is yours

well slow down

no you slow down you first

to places with both of you carpet slow

down carpet stop whoa carpet why would

the carpet obey me duh these are persian

rocks they don't understand english

commands

well what's persian for stop

[Applause]

we've gotta do something i know but what

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stop carpet stop

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we're safe now heath can use his magic

to save us go on half zap up a giant

pillow or something i can't it's salem's

rug let him slow it down i'm not salem

what he is wait a minute you're salem

all right all right here's the truth

finally see the witches council turned

me into a cat to punish me but

well it's a long story the point is you

have to use your magic to save us

i am truly shocked a once mighty wizard

turned into a mangy cat i think cat

would have been sufficient even i never

imagined you would fall so no look are

you gonna save us or not

well shucks your friend's hat seems to

have fallen off i smell a rat

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make that a mouse

who are you i'm with us hey you think

you're the only one who had problems

with the witch's counsel

what

you

lied to me

i couldn't let you see me like this you

would have been so smug really you

thought that jeez half i'm sorry me too

pal

i hate to break up this freakish little

love fest but are you telling me that

neither one of you has the power to get

us down afraid not

what do we do now

we've got to catch them somehow but we

can't go any faster wait i think they're

slowing down if they can just hold on a

little longer

[Applause]

[Music]

well they sure don't make flying carpets

like they used

to hope you to learn something today i

know i did now shake hands and make up

we were so busy competing that we lost

sight of being friends

and we wasted five or six centuries

avoiding each other it's not going to

happen again

good now i have to try and straighten

things out with my best friend

of course there's one tiny tiny little

detail you've overlooked my dear bosom

chum

what's that

i happen to be the predator and you mole

freyr are the predatee

oh yeah well i never met the cat yet who

could beat me in the 50-yard dash

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some folks never learn

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chloe i'm glad you're here there's

something i have to tell you i have

something to tell you too can i go first

okay

okay i just want to say that you're my

best friend and that friends should

never let some silly competition come

between them i'm sorry

now what did you want to say

we made it

what the corral we got in we did both of

us

yeah both of us

ultimate coolness i know and it's twice

as cool since we're not fighting anymore

right let's go celebrate

instead of against each other that's

true they can learn something else too

what's that how to really sell a song

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what was i off pitch

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