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01x04 - Gone Fishin/A Little Body of Work

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Tales from the Cryptkeeper". Aired: September 18, 1993 – December 4, 1999.*
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Series details the Cryptkeeper telling more kid-friendly horror stories to the viewers, each with a teachable lesson.

01x04 - Gone Fishin/A Little Body of Work

Post by bunniefuu »

[ ♪♪♪ ]

[ ♪♪♪ ]

[ ♪♪♪ ]

[Scary laughter]

Hello, bones and gills.

There's something fishy

In the bassment tonight.

You might say I'm waiting

With... Baited breath.

This oughta tip the scales.

Hmmm... Looks like they're not

Biting, but you will be...

Nail biting, that is.

Here's a little nibble

About tonight's story.

A lurid tale guaranteed

To hook your attention.

I call it "gone fishing."

Say goodbye to your mama,

Fish.

Heh-heh-heh.

He ain't going anywhere, right

Kid?

Did you know they found

A fish at the bottom

Of the marinas trench, seven

Miles below the surface?

That's the problem

With you, randy.

Uncle ned!

You always got your nose

Stuffed in a book.

It's time to learn what life

Is all about.

By fishing?

It ain't just fishing.

It's man against nature.

Survival of the fittest.

It's showing these bug-eyed

Slime buckets who's boss.

Aaah!

Quit being so squeamish.

Go on, take the hook out.

But... It's kinda small.

Why don't we just... Throw it

Back and...

Leave the squirming

To them.

It's time ya graduated

From wimp school.

Heh-heh-heh.

You'll be doing this before

The week's out.

Get rid of the garbage.

We're going in.

I said get rid of it.

Aren't you going a little

Fast, uncle?

Uncle ned!

You almost hit them!

They don't call 'em sitting

Ducks for nothing!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

This is an awful lot

Of fish.

Once I caught near

To a hundred in a little

Over an hour.

Most were small but... What

The heck!

And you ate them all?

Ate?

Are you kidding?

Then what did ya do

With them?

Same thing I'm gonna do

With these.

Aaah!

Can't just leave 'em.

What's a pile of fish guts?

What harm would it have

Done to throw them back?

What for?

So we can spend tomorrow

Catching the same ones again?

They're only fish, randy.

You're talking like they're

Human or something.

Well, who knows?

Maybe way down deep, the fish

Have a world just like ours.

That's just your problem.

You read too much, kid.

You're too busy imagining

Things to see the facts

Of life.

If you bite the hook, you pay

The price.

That's what fishing's all

About.

I don't call that fishing.

You'll learn.

Now, get some rest.

We're up at the crack of dawn.

Tomorrow I'll let you use

My special lure.

I call it the ripper!

That sounds mean.

Go to sleep.

And no reading!

One of the most peculiar

Species is a south american

Talking catfish, which growls

When removed from the water.

Wow!

[Gasp!]

Uncle ned?

Uncle ned?

Grrrrrr!

Aaah!

Too weird!

So how are they biting?

Never better.

I musta left 50 bass

On the beach yesterday.

On the beach?

Something wrong with that?

Even the best fishermen

Never take more than they can

Eat.

You've got your way, I got

Mine.

I had a weird dream last

Night.

Yeah, a six foot catfish

In pyjamas!

Do ya believe it?

I think it was trying

To tell me something.

Maybe it was.

The old ones say nature speaks

In many voices.

The wind rustling

In the trees, the echo of ice

Shifting on the frozen lake,

The sound of thunder.

Now don't go filling

His head with fool ideas.

He's got too many of those

Already... Ouch!

Get the hook out, quick!

Over here.

Hold still.

Yeowww!

Will that be cash?

[Fish growling]

Randy!

What's wrong with you, boy?

You look like you gotta wasp

Down your shorts!

Let's get outta this dump.

See ya.

Huh?

Aaaaaah...

Huh?

Ooof!

Sorry, i... Aaaaaah...

Hmmm.

Let me see that.

No hook!

I'm gonna make sure ya nail

A fish if it's the last thing

I do.

And with this... Ya can't miss!

Cast it.

But...

Cast it!

Pretty good.

Maybe ya got a little

Of your old uncle ned in ya

After all.

Ya got one, kid!

That's it, give him some line.

He can't get away.

That's the secret of my ripper

It makes 'em swallow it

So ya hook 'em by the guts.

But, uncle, I don't want

To.

Not too fast!

You'll snap the line!

What are ya doing, kid?

Stop!

You'll break the line!

Hey!

Ya did that on purpose.

Ya wanted him to get away.

And ya lost me my best lure!

Don't think this is over.

Yeowww!

Hmmm?

Don't say a word.

Ya may not want to catch it,

But ya sure are gonna eat it.

I'm sorry, uncle ned.

It's just... I... That I really

Think the fish are trying

To tell me something.

I'll tell ya something,

Boy.

We're going back out first

Thing in the morning.

But...

No more buts, and no more

Daydreams.

Order, or I'll order for ya.

Aaaaaah!

Noooooo!

Randy!

Randy!

Ah, let him go.

Give me the c.k. Special

Platter.

Heh-heh, and leave the heads

On.

I said you were gonna catch

Fish, and I meant it.

What do you know

About fishing?

You're not a fisherman.

You're a bully!

Now wait one second!

No, what you do is wrong,

Uncle ned.

And you have to stop, or else...

Or else what?

I can dump all the fish I want

'Cause there's no one gonna

Stop me!

Maybe... Maybe there is.

Who, you?

I've had it!

Run to the bait shop and wait

For your folks.

Uncle ned, listen to me.

I got some fishing to do.

Get!

Take the bait and pay

The price.

Huh?

Ahh... Looks like this is some

Poor sucker's unlucky day,

Ha-ha... Huh?

Yeowww!

But who knows, uncle gill,

Maybe people have a world just

Like us... Only on top

Of the land.

Stop daydreaming, carpy.

You've gotta learn to control

That imagination.

Are you gonna catch any

More today, uncle gill?

No, carpy.

A good mannered fish never

Catches more than he can can.

Can?

[Scary laughter]

Hey, let me outta here!

Holy mackerel!

It looks like uncle ned's

Really got in...

[Gasp!]

Over his head!

Hee-hee-hee-hee!

Too bad, I heard he had

A pretty good job... Whooo...

Before he got... Canned!

Hee-hee-hee-hee...

Great!

I just get my car fixed and it

Dies on me.

Rent-a-hearse.

Yes, I want to rent

A vehicle, one with scare

Conditioning, fright wall

Tires, gore on the floor...

One moment, please.

While I'm waiting, let me

Tell you about this next

Sinister saga.

It comes straight from one

Of the most horrifying places

On earth.

A place where zombies walk

The halls, and the screams

Of the tormented echo

From behind closed doors.

Of course, I'm talking

About... High school.

Hee-hee-hee!

[ ♪♪♪ ]

Okay, baby, I promise this

Won't hurt a bit.

Heh-heh, they may think I'm

A fool for trying...

[Car horn sounding]

What the? Owww!

Heh-heh-heh!

Gee, I'm sorry, kev.

Now who'd have thought

The horn would be the one

Thing on this car that

Actually worked?

Heh-heh-heh!

Horn's the only thing that

Works!

Good one, eddie!

You know, I can get

You a deal on some used parts

A real hot deal, if you get

My meaning.

I-i don't get it.

Hot, herman, as

In five-finger discount.

You mean like... Ripped off?

But, eddie, from the looks

Of it, kev doesn't need car

Parts.

He needs a whole new car!

Ha-ha-ha!

I don't need any parts,

Especially the way you guys

Get 'em.

I'm gonna totally rebuild her.

Everything will be one hundred

Per cent original.

Did you say original?

It'll take years just

To scrape the rust off this

Scrap box!

It's a pile of junk!

Hey, eddie, want me

To check your oil?

[Laughter]

Heh-heh-heh!

That crate's junk, and it's

Gonna stay junk, ya hear me,

Kev?

You'll never get it running.

So, almost done?

Almost.

Ready for the big day?

What big day?

Oh, don't tell me

You forgot.

Ah-heh-heh!

Our race, twerp.

No way, eddie.

I didn't spend all this time

Fixing up my car just to race

With you.

You don't wanna race 'cause

You're chicken!

And this junk box has got

No guts!

Heyyy!

You wanna race?

You're on!

Pull the switch.

It's alive!

It's alive!

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

No, it's dead.

What do you mean, dead?

Well, I mean you can almost

See through the brake shoes,

The head's cracked,

The linkage is trashed,

And a couple of tie rod ends

Wouldn't hurt either.

What are we gonna do, eddie?

What we always do, toad

Boy.

I don't know about this,

Eddie.

What if someone gets hurt?

What are you worrying

About?

No one's gonna get hurt.

Come on, we got lots more

To get.

Look out!

Hey, are you okay?

Yeah, but my car... It... It

Just... Happened!

[ ♪♪♪ ]

[ ♪♪♪ ]

Rash of car accidents

Credited to clever thieves.

That's us!

They checked out the cars,

Eddie.

They know they crashed

Because we took the parts!

We're lucky no one got hurt!

Does it say eddie

And herman took the parts?

Well, no.

I'd say if no one got hurt,

They were the lucky ones.

Yeah, but no more parts,

Eddie.

Okay?

We need one more, hermie.

And I know just where to get

It.

Heh-heh-heh-heh!

You're a real beauty.

Nothing else like you.

We're gonna be quite a pair.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

Well, maybe we haven't got all

The bugs worked out.

But even so, tomorrow we'll

Show that creep eddie just

What you're made of.

'Night, girl.

Heh-heh-heh!

Let's go shopping.

Heh-heh-hee-hee!

Ahhhhhh.

Ahhhhhh.

Ahhhhhh.

Come on, hermie.

Let's make the switch.

But, eddie, that junk

Part's baffed.

If it blows during the race...

Ahhhhhh... It might throw him

Into a spin he'll be lucky

To walk away from.

He called me a creep!

Give me a wrench.

[Car horn sounding]

Ooof!

I said... Gimme a wrench!

Owww!

It's trying to blind me!

It's a car, herman.

You want to get even?

Hand me the wrench.

Heh-heh-heh!

Heh-heh-heh...

Ha-ha-ha...

Come on, girl.

You can do it.

For me, okay?

[Tires screeching]

Come on, baby!

You can do it!

Ohhhhhh!

Noooooo!

I finally got even

With that egghead, kevin.

I feel like celebrating.

Give me a double jelly-filled

Cheeseburger on a bear claw.

Me too!

Too bad he only got a cut

Forehead.

Yeah, a couple days off,

Then he'll be back at school,

And he can start on another

Car.

Heh-heh-heh!

Heh-heh-heh.

See how he acted when

His wheels got totalled?

It was like he lost

His best friend.

He did!

Heh-heh-heh!

Good one, eddie.

[Laughter]

[Car horn sounding]

What the...

How did he...

Never mind how.

Looks like he didn't learn

His lesson the first time.

I guess we're gonna have

To teach him again!

What gives?

Maybe it's some kinda joke?

Yeah?

Well, we'll see who has

The last laugh.

Come on.

Hey!

Eddieee!

Herman!

We're gonna crash... Just

Like kevin!

The cars!

They're after us!

Please don't let 'em get us,

Please!

We took all those car parts.

The ones in the papers.

The crashes... It's

Our fault, all our fault.

Just don't let him get us!

Aaaaaah!

Yeah, she was a real beauty

All right.

Just like you're gonna be

With the parts I managed

To salvage from the wreck

And some tender, loving care.

Yup, we're gonna be quite

A pair.

I'd say eddie and herman's

Autobody experience left them

A little car sick, wouldn't

You?

Fortunately, they learned

Their lesson before anyone got

Seriously hurt.

Nuts!

Being stuck on hold drives me

Crazy!

Maybe I'll just run down

To the graveyard and dig up

A used car... Maybe a hot

Little doom buggy, just like

The one that made such

An impact on eddie and herman.

So, until next time, safe

Monstering!

Hee-hee-hee...

[ ♪♪♪ ]

[ ♪♪♪ ]