01x12 - Grounds for Horror

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[Scary laughter]

Hello, crypt kiddies,

And welcome to our creepy tomb

Away from tomb... Camp rock

Bottom.

As you woods have guessed,

Today's tense little tale is

About the ghoul old days

Of summer camp.

It makes me young again just

Thinking about it.

Ahhh... Summer camp!

Bee stings, mosquito bites,

Fresh scare, and... Poison ivy!

Hee-hee-hee-hee!

But speaking of fresh scare,

Tonight's cramp fire story is

About a nasty counsellor who

Was not a happy camper.

He had to learn the hard way

That summer camp can either be

Fun and games, or...

Grounds for horror.

Hee-hee-hee...

Hi, I'm petey.

Chaaarge!

Take this, and that!

Ouch!

Take that!

And that!

[Whistle blowing]

All right, soon-to-be-men,

Faaaall in!

I don't like the sound

Of that.

Now!

I am head counsellor bill

Magritte.

You can call me head

Counsellor bill magritte.

This is not, I repeat, this is

Not a vacation resort.

This is a life experience!

Will you have fun here?

I don't see it on

The curriculum, and I doubt

You will have time for it.

Besides, in my book, fun is

A four-letter word.

From this moment on,

Your childhood is over!

You are no longer children.

Here, we will work hard, be

Serious, and get tough.

And although you come as kids,

I promise you... You will leave

As responsible young adults!

You got that?

So, there will be no water

g*ns, squirt bottles, sprayers

And/or water weaponry of any

Kind.

No rubber snakes and/or worms,

Plastic ants, flies, beetles

And any and all artificial

Insecti.

No cookies, candy bars,

Chewing gum and/or snack foods

Of any and all kinds.

Any questions?

Put it in writing.

Spelling and punctuation

Count.

Welcome to camp rock bottom.

And pick up those feathers!

Ohhh!

Take it from scabs, don't

Sweat your shorts about uncle

Bill.

I've seen tougher.

They all wear down.

He's right.

Are we gonna play wimp and let

Head counsellor bill magritte

Wreck our fun?

Itchy?

No!

Croaker?

No way!



Not!

All right, then.

Let's make this place ours.

[Boys cheering]

[Bugler sounds reveille]

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Aaahhh!

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Rise and shine, babies!

Outside on the double!

Day's wasting!

Day?

Oh-hoo... It's not even light

Yet.

Work hard, be hard!

Exercise is key!

Work up that appetite!

Earn that breakfast!

Man, kids only get up this

Early christmas morning.

I don't even scratch this

Hard.

This isn't helping

My voice.

Ya think he'll make us hunt

For our breakfast?

Last one back does

Breakfast dishes!

I'll wash.

I'll dry.

[Whistle blowing]

Up and at 'em!

Huh?

Help, I'm stuck!

Ooof!

[Whistle blowing]

Ooof!

[Whistle blowing]

Uh-oh!

Ooof!

All right, kiddies.

We are not, I repeat, not here

To play games.

Cut 'em some slack, bill.

There's nothing wrong

With exercise, but aren't ya

Forgetting what it was like

When you were a kid?

Summer camp is supposed to be

Fun!

I'm moving into the girls'

Cabin!

Yahoo!

All right, katie!

I'll have you know,

Assistant counsellor katie,

If having fun is

Your definition of what being

A kid is all about, I never

Was a kid.

I never had time for silly

Nonsense.

All work and no play made me

The man I am today.

We're doomed.

Well, we're going canoeing

After lunch.

You and your guys are welcome

To join us... General

Grumpface.

I'm afraid they'll be too

Busy.

[Whistle blowing]

Last ones back do lunch

Dishes!

Real woodsmen used to travel



Fashion.

Then they got wise

And decided to let the canoe

Carry them.

Hey, can anyone see where

We're going?

Whoaaa!

Ooof!

No.

[Gasp!]

Yes, way to go!

Yahoo!

[Whistle blowing]

And just what do you think

You're doing?

It's called swimming.

We've been working overtime

Since sun-up.

We've got sunburn, dishpan

Hands, mosquito bites on top

Of mosquito bites.

We're tired, thirsty, and hot!

So am i, mister!

But ya don't see me whining!

We're only kids.

All we want is a swim.

I told you before, forget

The kid stuff!

I set the example here!

I expect you to follow it!

In other words, everything

I do, you do.

Got that?

Everything!

Huh?

What... Hey, hey!

Huh?

Aaah!

Aaahhh!

What was that?

Well, whatever it was, like

Bill said...

Everything he does, we do!

[Boys cheering]

Well, well... Maybe old bill

Had a change of heart.

Swimming with your clothes on?

Looks like fun.

Last chance.

I want whoever pushed me to be

Man enough to step forward

And admit it!

No one pushed you.

Yeah, y-you just kind

Of... Jumped in by yourself.

Itchy's right.

We all saw it.

Well, since you're all

In this together, you're all

On firewood detail.

Awww...

I want enough wood

So they can see the fire

In milwaukee!

What's milwaukee?

[Crying]



I wanna go home.

Hey, things'll get better.

It can't get any worse.

I lost it, petey.

Lost what, 6x?

My grandpa's penknife.

He gave it to me special.

I promised I'd never ever lose

It, and...

In the woods today?

Maybe when i... I...i

Tripped on that log.

Don't sweat it.

I'll find it for you.

You will?

Yeah.

You have to promise me you'll

Stick it out a few more days.

Deal!

I'll go, too.

Nah, if bill catches you,

You'll be chopping wood

For a week.

Remember, the log.

[Pant, pant, pant].

[Eerie noises]

Hey, wh-whoever o-or

Whatever's out there, I'm just

Passing through.

I-i-i'm picking up my friend's

Penknife.

A-a-and I'll be on my way.

Aaahhh!

Ooof!

Ohhh...

Hey, what do ya know!

Grrrrrr...

[Gasp!]

Aaahhh!



Happened in the woods last

Night.

Fill us in, petey.

Don't think I've forgotten

About yesterday.

I'll find out who pushed me.

It's only a matter of time.

What's he talking about?

Yeah, no one pushed him.

You pushed him?

Then who did?

Hozir.

Who?

I'll show you tonight.

You ain't gonna believe this!

Hurry up, guys.

Be quiet.

There are too many things

Already forcing them to grow

Up without you stripping them

Of the simple joys

Of childhood... Fun, freedom,

Wonderment.

I am molding them

Into mature, responsible young

Adults.

It's a tough job, but somebody

Has to do it.

No, bill, our job is

To help them enjoy just being

Kids!

This discussion is over!

Ahhh... Yes sir, commander

Cranky.

Uh... Katie?

Aw, look at me!

Creeping around like a scared

Little kid.

That's it!

It's those juveniles playing

Their childish games.

We'll see about this!

[Boys laughing]

[Whistle blowing]

Up and at 'em, kiddies!

Have a late night, children?

We were just having

A little fun.

Well, that fun is gonna

Cost you!

As of this moment... Hey, hey!

Wh-what the... Whoaaa!

Hey!

Whoaaa!

He's here!

Aaahhh!

Whoaaa!

I don't know how you did it,

But that's twice you guys have

Pushed me into the lake.

But it wasn't us.

Faaaaall in!

You are going to stand like

This until the guilty one

Steps forward!

Was it you?

Or you?

It wasn't 6x, or any of us.

It... It was... Hozir.

Yeah, he's kind of big

And...

He looks kinds scary,

But he's not.

He's like a big kid!

He's our friend.

He lives in the woods.

And he doesn't like adults

At all.

Well, how come I never seen

This whoozir?

Hozir.

Because only kids can see him.

Howsir, hmmm?

Hozir.

Whatever!

Just when I thought I was

Making progress with you, ya

Turn around and blame

Your childish behaviour

On... An invisible friend!

But he's real.

This is exactly the kinda

Silly juvenile nonsense I'm

Determined to break you of!

From now on, it's double-duty

Work-outs!

But hozir likes to have fun

As much as we do.

He's not gonna like this.

Hozir... Does not... Existtt!

[Whistling]

Whoa!

Whoaaa!

Whoa!

Whoaaa!

Well, we tried to warn him.

Howsir, hmmm?

Hozir!

Okay, that's it!

I'm gonna spend tonight

Camping in the woods.

You tell your imaginary friend

It's a show-down.

Either he puts up, or you shut

Up!

I don't think that's such

A good idea.

Hozir's only been having

Fun so far.

And if you go out there

For the night...

Being a grown-up and all...

Hozir's jokes might not be

Too... Funny.

Nothing is gonna happen

To me because I'm gonna prove

Your imaginary friend does not

Exist!

And when I get back, I want

No more nonsense, no more

Silliness, no more games,

No more tricks.

And even one word about this

Hozir, and I will personally

Put you on the bus back home!

Got it?

We gotta stop him.

Sorry, guys, he made me

Promise.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ahh... A good night

For a boogie man.

[Gasp!]

Oh, this is silly.

J-juvenile.

Kids' stuff.

Childish nonsense?

Aaahhh!

It's just the wind.

Now!

Hey, what's the... Petey!

It's all right, bill.

It's over.

I think... Well, I think hozir

Was just trying to remind

You of what it's like to be

A kid.

Remember how you got scared

Being alone in the dark?

I bet you used to imagine

Monsters and things were

Under your bed?

I used to think... They were

In my closet.

Yeah, thinking they're

In the bathroom is the worst.

The world used to be full

Of monsters and magic

And heroes and friends.

Anything was possible.

And still is!

Come on, I want you to meet

A friend of mine.

Come on, he's nothing to be

Afraid of now.

Just take a look.

He's kinda neat.

Well, what do ya think?

He is neat!

I think he wants to play.

[Laughter]

Don't worry about

Your daughter, mr.

And mrs. Hobbs.

At camp rock bottom, fun is

What it's all about.

Last one in is a grown-up!

Cannonball!

Ha-ha-ha!

You call that a cannonball?

Look out belowww!

That's bill magritte,

The head counsellor.

Hey, who's for chilli

And ice cream?

[Boys laughing]

He's a living, breathing

Example of that old

Saying..."A great man is

He who has not lost the heart

"Of a child."

Hee-hee-hee!

And so, the lesson

Of today's frightening forest

Fable is... You're only as old

As you feel.

Once bill remembered how much

Fun it was to be a kid,

He wasn't so spooked anymore.

He realized that being

Mean-spirited doesn't give

You a... Ghost of a chance

With an imaginary fiend.

So until next time, campers,

Good night and don't let

The bed-bugs bite.

Not to mention, creeping bags.

Waa-hoo!

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha...

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