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01x13 - Ghost Ship

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Tales from the Cryptkeeper". Aired: September 18, 1993 – December 4, 1999.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


Series details the Cryptkeeper telling more kid-friendly horror stories to the viewers, each with a teachable lesson.

01x13 - Ghost Ship

Post by bunniefuu »

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[Scary laughter]

Hee-hee-hee!

Avast there, captains

And kiddies.

You've caught me with me sails

Down, right in the middle

Of me mud bath.

Hee-hee-hee!

While I scrub my sea legs, let

Me spin you a terror tale

You're sure to treasure.

It's a sinister sea yarn

I can't wait to get off

My chest, about another old

Tub I call... "The ghost ship".

Check out my dad's new

Craft, dude.

Whoa!

Radical, dude!

Totally!

Totally!

A mega-stereo will easily

Transform it into a most

Awesome seafaring vessel.

Mike, care to venture forth

For a spin?

Totally!

But ben, what about your dad?

I mean, didn't you just park

His car in the family pool?

Major mishap, dude.

He's still a little stressed.

But then, manoeuvring a craft

Has got to be easier than

A station wagon.

No road, dude!

Prepare for warp speed,

Dude.

Whooooaaaa!

Sounded like some most

Disturbing scrapeage.

Demolition check, dude.

Man, I can't see.

Like, anything major must be

Under the craft.

Then, no problem.

What my dad can't see, can't

Hurt us.

Totally!

Bad news, dude.

I think we better bail.

No way, mike!

We cannot just abandon

My dad's craft.

Not bail, dude...

Bail... Dude.

Bummer.

I've got it, mike.

We will swim to some most

Exotic locale to seek our fame

And fortune.

And once we are famed

And fortuned, we shall then

Make the return pilgrimage

Home, bearing the most

Abundant gifts of gold,

Silver, and a radical new

Craft for my dad.

Perhaps we should just

Inform your dad of this most

Major mishap, whereupon we can

Seek some kind of employment

By which to make monetary

Amends.

A job?

No way!

I say we swim for fame

And fortune!

Too late, dude.

We're fogged.

Whoa!

This is not good.

We are in desperate need

Of some rescuing, dude.

Never fear, mike,

My friend.

Help is on the way.

Whoaaa!

It's like something out

Of "t" zone, dude.

I messed up big time.

Hey, it's not a total

Wipeout.

Look... Our boards!

Whoa, check it out!

Whoa, retro-pirate dudes!

Whoa, this is a most

Outstanding discovery, ben.

Not bad!

Avast, ye pirate swab-type

Dudes.

Ha-ha!

Make way for seaman ben,

And his main mate, mike.

Heh-heh-heh!

[Gasp!]

Ha-ha-ha...

Whoa!

Your boisterous display has

Roostered the skeleton dudes.

What's the plan, seaman ben?

Whatever you say, seaman

Mike.

Run!

Aah-ha-ha...

Uh-oh!

Plank!

Ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha...

Ha-ha!

Ben, what are you doing?

Mike, I've got an idea.

I don't know about this,

Ben.

Keeping score is really hard.

It's automatic pin count,

Dude.

Hah!

Strikes!

Spares!

And misses!

Aaahhh!

Well, if it's good enough

For those pirate dudes...

Bogus!

Ha-ha!

We're surrounded, amigo.

Brace yourself, dude.

Aaahhh!

You okay, mike?

Yeah.

You okay, ben?

Yeah.

Where are we?

Ha-ha-ha...

Right back where

We started.

Who moved the coffee table,

Dude?

Whoa, man, that's one scary

Coffee table!

Aaahhh!

Ship off, ye scurvy sea

Scum!

Ha-ha-ha!

On your feet, lads.

I be captain red beard.

Ha-ha-ha!

But that be long ago when

I had a face to wear it on.

A courtesy to save ye

From such a sight of horror,

Ye be jumping into a shark's

Belly at the sight of it.

Must be his picture

On the flag.

Ye see, me mutinous crew

Locked me in here without food

Or water, but that be 400 year

Ago.

Major cabin fever, dude.

They wants to know where

I buries me treasure.

Treasure?

Aye, but I knows it when

We takes it, that treasure be

Cursed!

But still, instead

Of destroying it, thanks

To lady greed, I buries it

Right there... On skull island.

So, ye sees, that be why we be

Sailing like this... A cursed

Crew on a cursed ship.

And the only way the ship,

The crew, and myself can find

Final rest be to toss that

Cursed treasure down into davy

Jones' locker, where it

Belong.

But I can't do it alone.

I be waiting 400 year, and now

I has me chance.

Are ye with me?

So as I understand this,

Mike, the seaman wants us

To help him jump ship.

And, like, dig up

His 400-year-old treasure

Stash...

Whereupon we chuck it

Into the sea...

To totally irradiate

The curse...

Before his most mutinous

Crew of living skeleton dudes

Can stop us.

A moment to confer, seaman!

I say we really bail this

Time.

Having personally witnessed

Your dad about to blow big

Time, he's like pee wee

Compared to this dude, dude.

No way!

I say we help this dude.

And, in the process, scoop

Some of the infamous booty

For our own personal use.

Radical!

But ben, what about the curse

Content of this venture?

Bogus!

The tallest of tales, my most

Superstitious friend,

To frighten off the other

Pirate dudes.

Captain dude, we look forward

To achieving this totally

Daring exploit.

There be the lads.

Make your marks.

We can't trust a swab that

Won't put his hand

To his word.

Ah, "bloody ben" and "mad dog

Mike."

Aa-ruff!

Not bad, dude!

Welcome aboard!

Now, here be the plan.

Yo, come and get me,

Skeletal-type dudes.

Ha-ha-ha!

Worked... Just like seaman

Red beard said.

Avast, lads!

Prepare to shove off.

Put your backs into it, lads,

Afore the crew be on us

And we be walking the plank.

Bummer.

One of those skeletal dudes

Ripped off the motor.

Bowling ba*ls, dude!

Ha-ha-ha!

We did it, mad dog mike!

Yahoo!

Woo-hoo!

Yo!

So what do we do next,

Seaman?

Vocalize some of those raunchy

Pirate dudes?

Me thinks ye should bail.

Oh, bail.

Har!

Land h*!

The treasure be right on top,

Marked by a pair of crossed

Palms.

Most perilous breakers!

Where do you suggest

We park this most ancient

Vessel, seaman?

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

I hereby claim this island

In the name of bloody ben

And dead dog mike.

Mad dog mike.

Totally sorry, dude.

Whoa, major buzz turf,

Dude!

And we're, like, zero

On the spread.

Aaahhh!

Quick, the little buzz

Boogers will never find us

In here.

But then again...

Something freaked out

Our fine featherless friends,

Dude.

Perhaps this was somehow

Involved.

Whooooaaaa!

I bet that scaly dude keeps

The mosquito population down.

Whoa, mike, where's

The seaman?

He's not down there.

We must head the seaman off

At the pass, else we shall

Find ourselves doubloonless

And in no position to make

Monetary amends for my dad's

Craft.

You really think that

Dubious dude is

Double-crossing us, dude?

A distinct possibility,

My friend.

Whooooaaaa!

Mike!

Aaahhh!

Mike!

Whoa, nice spider dude action!

Maintain the pose.

Ha-ha... Never fear!

Bloody ben is here!

You blew it totally, dude.

Whoa, totally sorry, dude.

Executing plan "b."

Yahhh!

Whooooaaaa!

Don't worry, mike.

Uh-oh!

Serious trouble, dude.

Like what, dude?

You don't... Wanna know.

Pull me up, ben!

We got snake problems!

Snake?

Where?

In your hands!

Chill!

If you let go, you're a goner,

Dude.

And if I let go, you're...

You're still a goner, dude.

But if I don't let go, I'm

A goner, dude.

Then you'll be a goner, dude,

Too.

Bummer.

I'm bailing!

Mike, no!

Yahhh-haa!

Most triumphant three-point

Landing.

Aaahhh!

Aaahhh!

Whoaaa!

Whew!

[Gasp!]

What now?

Monster frog-type dudes?

No.

Company!

Fast forward, dude.

There they are, just like

The seaman said.

And we beat the seaman

To it.

For sure.

Walking's like moving

Furniture for that dude.

What you looking for, ben?

The "x."

"X" always marks the spot.

No "x", dude, but some

Truly antique quality

Hardware.

Let's dig!

Skeletal pirate dudes.

Bogus buzz dudes.

Scaly reptilian dudes.

Now this.

I say we should have informed

Your dad we totalled his craft

And taken our place

In the work force.

No way!

A job is too much like work,

Dude.

[Clang]

Whoa!

That, my friend, is the sound

Of maybe two radical new

Crafts for my dad,

And a summer of surf, sand,

And unemployment for us.

Let's heave.

Bummer.

No keys, dude.

Not to worry, mike.

We are but a shovel away

From fame and fortune.

Whoa, i-i'm getting totally

Bad vibes, dude.

Like, major bad news.

Like, heavy-duty omen time.

What if this curse deal's

For real?

Let's bail.

No way!

[Gasps!]

Surprise, me buckos!

Ha-ha-har!

There's no treasure?

This not be about treasure,

Lads.

Aaah!

Oooh... Major complexion

Disorder.

This be about you lads

Joining me crew.

Ha-ha-ha!

Ye signed aboard of ye own

Free will, just like the lot

Of them.

Aye, and your thirst

For treasure that lured ye

Here be the same what trapped

Every member of me crew.

Ah-ha-ha-har!

Here's sort of a "welcome"

A-board present."

Ha-ha-ha...

It's all a heinous plot,

Ben, to get us to sign up.

And join this crew of most

Unsavoury...

Retro-pirate skeleton

Dudes!

What are we going to do,

Ben?

Only one thing to do, mike.

Okay, seaman, you got us,

Dude.

Only... Your scurvy posse dudes

Messed up big-time

On the boards.

What?

My name... Mike's board.

[Mumble, mumble].

Mike's name... My board.

Ooof!

Aaahhh!

Whoops!

Totally sorry, dude.

Ben, be careful

With the board.

Enough!

Finish them!

Ben, what now?

Prepare to board, dude!

It's either the surf or...

Those grateful dead dudes.

Surf's uuuuuuuup!

Whooooaaaa!

We've been spewed, dude.

Ah-ha-ha-ha...

Ben, vessel!

I know, I know!

No, ben, over there!

[Gasp!]

[Horn sounds]

Duuuck!

What on earth was that

Noise?

Man overboard!

Bring her hard about.

Ben?

Ben!

What kept you, dude?

How did you two get way out

Here?

It's a long story, oh salty

Sea saviour.

[Mumble, mumble].

We got fogged.

Like, totally!

I am most relieved that

My dad didn't flip out.

Now, now... No splashing

Little... Dude.

The way I figure it, ben,

We should have earned enough

Pesos from this junior life

Guard gig to pay back your dad

By the time we're 40.

Bummer.

I still can't tell which is

Worse, those retro-skeleton

Dudes, or these little rug rat

Dudes.

Hard call, dude.

Totally.

I love a good sea story,

But I can't fathom why anyone

Would want to be a pirate.

They really soak you at tax

Time.

I guess ben and mike found out

That it makes sense to owe up

To your mistakes.

Sometimes trying to take

The easy way out just won't

Hold water.

Uh-oh!

So until next time,

As I always say, I'd rather be

Wailing!

Ah-ha-ha-ha...

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