01x03 - The Art of the Sucker Punch

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

Jason!

Hi, mrs. Small,
is brendon home?

What happened to you?

Nothing—— why?

You are covered in mud,
you're dripping.

This is disgusting.

You're... Yes.

[Yelling]:
brendon! Bren...

Brendon:
yeah?

Can I come in?

Brendon:
yeah?!

Jason, I don't want
to seem rude.

You can't come in
and you can't touch anything.

Brendon:
mom?!

Paula:
can you come up here, please?

Jason is up here and he's...

Brendon:
mom, is jason here yet?

Brendon, come upstairs
and bring a squeegee!

[Jason giggles and coughs]

Is there a harder setting on the
water that you can use?

No, this is not a water pik.

Uh... Oh!

Jason, what happened?

First, I was walking to come
over here, right, brendon?

Because we were going to do a
movie today, right?

Right.

Jason:
then shannon and his brothers

Were in the street and, um,
I said "hey, guys."

Yeah?

And, um, I guess that was a
cue...

Mm—hmm.

For them to, um, come over and
pick me up...

Right.

And, um, put me in the mud.

Brendon:
that... Jason, that...

People can't do that to you,
I mean...

No, they can.

You know what?

Should we twist him and wring
him out now?

I can't believe you let them do
that.

You can't have people putting
mud on you

Because if you do that then
they'll do the next worse thing

Which is probably...

I can't think of anything
worse than mud.

Something with bugs.

Yeah.

Brendon:
thank you, melissa, yes.

Brendon, who is shannon?

Mom, shannon's this kid that...

He lives in the neighborhood,
and he...

He has a lot of brothers.

Jason's an easy target, sure and
it's fun to hurt him, but...

It's easy to hurt him.

But that doesn't make it right.

How come I'm an easy target?

Brendon:
because you're little

And you bring it upon yourself.

But that doesn't mean it's okay!

What do you mean, I bring it
upon myself?

You just, you kind of, you know
you just kind of,

Like [whines].

But it doesn't matter, I mean...

You know what?

His is, you know
this is the final straw.

I'm going to do something about
this.

I'm going to teach
that kid a lesson

That he's never going to forget.

Yeah!

What are you gonna you do?

I'm gonna get my camera.

Hold on, I'll be right back!

He's all fired up.

Yeah.

Um, a lot of that stuff was
insulting to me.

[Phone ringing]

Hello?

Hello, shannon?

Yeah?

Hi—— brendon small.

I'm s... Who are you?

Uh, you don't know me, shannon.

You know a little kid named
jason panopolis.

Am I right?

Yeah.

You did something to him
that maybe

You shouldn't have done, huh?

What, oh... I'm sorry.

What do you want?

I'd like to make an
appointment...

Mm—hmm.

With you, if you're free, on
wednesday.

What time?

Thinking maybe... 3:30.

Hold on.

Yeah, 3:30's good, okay.

Okay, good, well,
keep that open.

Now, what's this about?

Well, I'm going to pound
the crap out of you.

So, I mean...

Which, which, who are you again?

Which, which, who are you?

Brendon small.

You've probably seen me.

What do you look like?

Short kid, I got red hair...

Oh, yeah, 3:30's fine.

Okay, all right, I was
thinking——the park.

Uh—huh.

What do you think about that?

All right.

So we're on for tomorrow, 3:30.

I need some information first.

Okay, all right.

Okay, your doctor's name, phone
number?

Um, I'm going to have to talk to
my mom, but i...

Shannon:
okay, well, bring that tomorrow,
okay?

All right, okay.

Do you suffer from any seizures
or anything that'll,

You know give you extra sympathy
or legal, uh, recourse?

No.

Shannon:
do you suffer from
any allergies?

Brandon:
no.

Have you ever fought before?

Um—m—m—m... No.

Shannon:
okay, well, you want
to be limber.

You want to do some warm—up
first.

Brandon:
okay.

Do some light aerobic exercise

For, like, five minutes
beforehand.

Mm—hmm, okay, yeah.

Brendon, does this have anything
to do with your movies?

What?!

You know, I want you to have
this hobby.

I know you like to make the
movies and everything

But if... Just to go around
creating incidents

And scenes so that
you can film them

Is not... That's not healthy.

Mom... Okay.

Just... Let's just clear things
up just a little bit.

Do.

I'm not doing this
for any movie thing, okay?

I'm doing this...

Brendon? Brendon?

Yeah?

Are you talking to me or are you
flexing your muscles?

Doing, uh, kind of a combination
of the two.

Punch low, always punch low.

Okay.

That means below the waist.

All right.

Get him in the legs
or in the crotch.

Do stuff like that.

Do you think that's, uh,
dirty fighting?

Yes.

Yes, I do, but there's nothing
wrong with dirty fighting.

Really?

That's right.

You know why?

Because fighting is wrong,
right?

Yeah.

So if you're going to fight
you're already wrong.

Yeah.

So, if you're going to dirty,
you might as well dirty—fight.

Yeah.

Because you're already there.

Yeah.

You're already at the party.

Right, right.

I was in a fight last week.

Really? How'd it go?

I won.

Really? Who'd you fight?

That kid, david.

The forward?

Yeah. He cannot fight.

Yeah.

[Laughs]

But he's got a big mouth, coach.

Well, not anymore, he doesn't.

Right.

You know, but mostly fighting,
it's... It's a mental game.

Really?

Brendon, you're a smart kid.

Yeah, I know.

You're not a tough kid.

You're not a strong kid.

You're not a fighter.

Right.

But you may have a mental edge
over your opponent

And that's what you got to use.

Like what?

Like, for instance if I fought
somebody, I would say,

"Hey, look."

Mm—hmm.

The guy would look, and then I
will hit him.

Right.

That's a mental game.

I know what you mean.

But I don't know, brendon,
you're a smart kid.

You improvise.

Yeah, that's what
I was planning on...

You know what I mean.

Give me something.

Let's say I come up to you,
right?

Okay.

I give you a little shove...

And I say, "hey, come on, let's
go."

Okay.

You got to think on your feet
here, brendon.

All right, I got one.

All right, what do you got?

[In falsetto voice]:
♪ lovin' you is easy
'cause you're beautiful... ♪

All right, see, in that
situation brendon,

I'm going to k*ll you.

Right.

What you did there was more...
Weird.

I tried to do something strange
that you wouldn't expect.

Yeah.

Melissa:
do you know shannon?

Yeah, he lives near me.

What do you think of him?

I think, "god, he punched some
kids—— uh, two of them."

Have you ever fought shannon?

No! God!

What's your name?

Walter.

Walter.

Yep.

Who's your friend?

This is perry.

Good morning.

Walter and perry, uh...

Now I'm just taking a wild
guess, but...

[Walter and perry giggle]

Shut up, perry!

[Giggling]

Shut up!

My sister got beat up
by, um, shannon.

And perry's mom
got beat up by shannon.

My mom got beat up by shannon.

Walter:
yeah.

Hey, what do you guys
think of brendon?

Who's brendon?

Who?

Brendon is the young man
who's going

To be fighting shannon tomorrow.

I got beat up by brendon once!

Brendon small?

Brendon small?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, could I talk to you
for one second?

I'm going to cut.

Okay, yeah, just cut.

Yeah, jason, what?

Remember when I got
dragged in the mud?

Mm—hmm, mm—hmm.

By, um, shannon?

I remember.

I remember, little buddy.

How come, um, I'm not getting
interviewed when, um,

The fight was really more
about me than you?

Ohhh, jason, jason, jason...

Well, I mean, uh...

It seems like you're, um,
stealing the, um, limelight.

Jason, I created this limelight.

Well, I think it's, r—r—rude.

Hey, guys, you know what?

Settle down.

Um, jason, if you have something
to say you want me to tape you?

I have something
to say to brendon.

Jason, what?

You're... Have been making
the movie for two days

About my fight with shannon,
and I haven't been in it yet.

Oh, jason, get off
your high horse.

Jason:
it's my documentary.

No, it's not.

It is.

No, it isn't.

That's a lie!

You're turning into a liar!

I'll sue!

I hate you!

All right, guys I'm glad
you got that out into the open.

Tensions are high.

Brendon, you've got
a big fight coming up.

I hope you lose the fight,
brendon.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do.

I hope you lose it.

He's not gonna beat me.

Let him drag you through the mud
like he dragged me!

He's not going to win.

I'm the best.

Then do my interview right now!

Fine, do the interview,
see if I care!

Fine, I will do it!

Well, just do it then!

Well, tell melissa to just
push the thing and I'll do it!

Right, shannon dragged me
in the mud.

And then, um... Then, um...
Brendon is going to fight him.

Brendon:
jogging in place

Is something I do just
to prepare for a fight.

And just,
there's this whole like,

Punching in the air motion
this is...

Because I imagine a person
would be there eventually.

Hey, small!

You're going to lose!

Who is that guy?

He's a friend of shannon's.

Oh, man.

Should we do like,
a man—on—the— street interview?

I don't know, we'll just overdub
something over it—...

Just forget that.

Um, I'm going to make
a prediction.

Let's hear it.

Hey, small!

I hope you got medical coverage
because you're going to lose!

What is that jerk
saying that for?

He's trying to play
with your head.

He's one of shannon's friends.

What was I talking about?

Focus... Focus.

You were talking about...

All right, okay.

I'm going to make a prediction.

That's what I was...

Right, right, predictions.

The fight is going to be over
after three punches.

Hey, small!

Yeah?

You suck!

Man, that guy's a...
What did I do to him?

Kid:
you! Suck!

Uh, oh, don't film that because
then it makes me look stupid

And I don't...

See you tomorrow—...

Loser's day!

Where you going?

Going home!

Kid:
going home to do what—— lose?

[Laughs]

That guy, I officially hate him.

Brendon, you know, why don't you
have some brilliant idea

That saves the day?

Use your brain instead of, uh,
instead of fisticuffs.

Okay, let's say, why don't
you be shannon, all right?

I'm just going to show you
how difficult this is.

Okay, I'm going to be shannon,
okay.

And I'll be me.

No, you...

Okay, no...

You be...

No, I'm going to be shannon
and you be jason.

No, you be...

You be me I'll be shannon.

Okay, I'll be you...

Okay, you try to break up
the fight.

All right, all right.

Hey, hey, shannon I don't think
this is a good idea

To have a fight.

You are the biggest wimp
I've ever met, brendon.

All right, that's it, I tried.

[Brendon laughs]

Ah, mom, seriously.

The headlock——
this isn't funny.

[They laugh]

Mom, we were joking.

This was... Mom, this was
a hypothetical situation.

Oh, let me go, seriously!

Huh, one of these?

Can I give you one of these?

No, stop, that's my ear!

Ow!

[Crying]:

That hurt.

Brendon, I barely touched you.

Mom, you were serious
and I was...

Please call this fight off,
brendon.

Please call...

You were serious
and I was joking.

No, I was, i... Honey...

You started out joking but
then you got serious.

I rubbed your head.

I gave your head a nice
little pat, for god's sake.

It was not a big thing.

I'm going in my room.

Brendon!

Oh, I feel like an idiot.

I, uh...

[Strumming on guitar]

[Grunting]

I'm going to punch his butt!

Punch his butt.

What'd I say?

Punch his butt.

I'm going to punch his butt.

Then what are you going to do?

Then I'm going
to punch his butt again.

Then what happens after you
punch his butt a second time?

I'm going to probably kick him.

Kick him!

Where you going to kick him?

I'm going to go
for the butt again.

Okay, let's get away
from the butt.

Okay.

Um, then what are you
going to do?

I'm going to kick him
in the genitals.

The gentles?

Melissa:
are you pumped?

Practically... Yes.

You want to walk
over to him now?

Yeah... Hey, shannon!

Hi, brendon!

Hi, how you doing?

Shannon.

Hey, how are you?

Nice to meet you.

You... You sure you want
to wear that shirt?

Micky, do we have another
sweatshirt for him in the bag?

No, don't worry...

You sure?

It looks like a nice...

All right, whatever.

No, this is...

Oh, are we videotaping this?

Hi shannon, I'm melissa.

Oh, nice to meet you.

How old are you?

Um, I'm eight.

Oh, wow.

Okay, well, let me just say,
um...

I am responding to a threat
on my life.

Are you good with that, brendon?

Yeah, i, uh...

Yeah, anything else?

This is perfect.
This is wonderful.

Great.

All right, you want
to get started?

If you want to try to hit me
and I'll, like, block it or...

I don't even know...

It's...

Ow!

Oh, brendon.

Oh, jeez.

[Brendon coughs]

Oh, wait a minute.

Oh, brendon, stay down.

No, wait, no...

This is called

The tasmanian foot lock.

[Crack]

[Screams]

You cannot get out of this.

Oh, god!

I'd like a copy of this, please.

Um, sure.

Do you want v.h.s.?

V.h.s. Would be perfect.

Okay.

Jeez, no, come back!

[Crying]:
I'm not finished with you.

Okay, brendon, come here.

I want you to just sit down here
on the couch.

[Sighs]

Let me just put a pillow
under your back here.

All right.

Let me put another pillow
under your back.

Let me put a third pillow
under your back.

Mom, that's too many pillows.

Brendon, this is not for you.

Mom, I don't know.

You might've been right.

Of course I was right.

You know, this is...
Violence is never the way.

Fighting is so much faster
than I thought it was.

I thought it'd be a thing
where I could reason every move,

But it didn't.

It's just so competitive!

Yeah.

I'm a lover, mom, from now on.

Brendon, put your head back.

Okay.

Put your head back and relax.

Ow, that hurt.

And don't ever say you're
a lover again.

God, that grosses me out.

Oh, it hurts to laugh, mom.
It hurts.

I'm sorry, little buddy.

I'm going to get you, like,
a thing of ice.

Mom, I can't feel my hands.

Oh, there they are, okay.

You know what, with hands
a lot of times

You just use the honor system.

You just go "I'm going
to hang my hands down

And trust they're there
at the end of my arms."

Brendon, you're such
a unique guy, you know?

You're so great.

You don't need to be like some
big, stupid fighter guy like...

Mom, you're right.

Someday, brendon you're going
to be with a...

A woman or a man who likes
you just for you.

Or both.

Who knows, mom?
I'm young.

I mean, don't start
forcing roles on me.

I... Listen I don't care
what happens...

Brendon, did you do any
of the stuff I showed you?

Like, did you do the crab,
or did you do the cobra?

No.

Did you do the wild ape?

No.

Did you do the crazy donkey?

No, I didn't.

Did you do the ventriloquist?

What one was that?

Oh, you didn't do that one
either, huh?

I guess I didn't do that one.

Did you do the wacky lobster?

Coach.

Everybody's talking about it.

What do you mean?

I mean, people I don't even know
I just walk past

And I hear them having
conversations

About the big fight.

Oh, man, do they talk about me?

Some of them know your name.
Some of them say "brandon."

Oi.

Some of them say,
"that red—headed kid"

But, I mean, everybody
knows about it.

Hmm...

The thing is is that usually
when stories like this spread

People exaggerate them or they
get them wrong.

But god, everyone's got it down.

Shannon doesn't go
to this school!

Exactly, so our whole school
knows about it because of you.

His whole school knows about it
because of him.

[Groaning in frustration]

Uh, hey, melissa?

Yep.

Do you have all that footage
of the interviews

And the fight and everything?

I've got it all.

I want every last copy of it,
please.

What do you want them for?

I'd like to either burn them
or re—edit them

So it looks like I won
and then when I have children

I'll show this to them

And they'll think that
their father isn't a coward.

Brendon, after that fight...

What?

I don't think
you're having children.

[Phone rings]

Brendon:
hello?

Shannon:
brendon!

Uh, yes?

Shannon!

Hi.

Uh, hi.

Look, I'm turning eight saturday
and I'm having

A big birthday party
and, um, you're coming.

Um...

And melissa, jason...

Um, you're inviting me
to your birthday party?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Oh, you're not still thinking
about that fight, are you?

Uh, no... No.

Please, please, please, come.

It'd be a lot of fun.
We're having a clown.

Um...

And, um... Well, he's not really
a clown,

But he's like um...
But we make fun of him.

We give him some drinks
and he dances for us.

Be a lot of fun.

There'll be games,
you know, uh...

Please, come.

Um, sure, i...

Okay, yeah, because,
to be honest

I'm new in the neighborhood...

Yeah.

And a lot of kids have been kind
of scared to come over

And I think if I get you
attached to the project it'll,

Uh, bring a lot of others in.

They'll... You know, you know.

Hey, we're cool, aren't we?

Um, yeah.

You still friends with melissa?

Oh, yeah, of course.

Have her bring her video camera.

It's, uh, it's my video camera,
actually.

Have her bring
your video camera.

Uh, will do.

Um, what's...
Casual dress, or...

Oh, yeah, whatever you want.

4:00 P.m.

Okay, okay, fri..uh... Saturday.

Oh, by the way
I'm registered at toys 'r' us.

Good to know... Okay.

Thank you.

Shannon:
yeah, sure.

Brendon:
he's inviting us

Because he wants to be
the better man, I think.

Do you know what I mean?

Melissa:
so on top of beating you up

Now he's the nice guy who
invites us to his party?

Yes, and we can't let him win.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to go there...

Mm—hmm...

And I'm going to get him
a present.

And I'm gonna go there,
I'll be really nice to him.

Uh—huh...

Brendon:
right?

And you're going to be really
nice to him.

I'm going to be
very very nice, though.

I'm going to play all the games
and I'm going

To have a lot of fun.

I'm going to have a lot of fun
there, right?

You're going to be a great
guest.

Brendon:
I'm going to have a great time
and it's going to be fun

And shannon and I are going to
get along...

[Chuckles]

And then I'll be the best man.

Brendon:
then I'll be better than him and
that's how

I'm going to beat him.

You'll beat him at his own game.

What am I going to wear?

What the hell am I going to
wear?

Shannon:
brendon!

Hey!

Welcome!

Melissa, hi!

Come on in, you guys.

Brendon:
jason's here...

Say hi...

Oh, jason, hi.

I didn't recognize you,
you know without the mud.

Come on in!

Happy birthday, shannon.

Brendon:
yeah, happy birthday.

Thank you.

Oh, my god, I bet this is a
bike.

[Both laugh]

Well, thank you.

This is nice.

This is a very nice place.

Shannon:
this is my brother mickey.

Brendon:
uh, nice to meet you.

And shawn.

Brendon:
oh, hello...

Hi, how are you?

Well, can I get you something?

Yes, are we the first ones here
or is this it, or...

Um, you're the only ones
that came.

Well... You know, this is nice.

Is that the backyard out there?

Yeah.

It's nice.

Are there any drinks?

Can I help you with anything?

Uh, yeah.

Okay.

[Laughs nervously]

No one else has come here.

Right.

Did you only invite people that
you've beaten up?

Yeah, so it should be packed.

Well, you know, we're the first
ones here,

I mean, it's early still.

No, you're half an hour late.

I mean, no one's coming.
No one likes me.

Shannon, are you crazy?
Everybody likes you.

Let's have some chips
or something.

No, I want to resolve this.

Okay, well, uh,

You're potentially a threatening
person, shannon.

So how can I reform myself?

Here's what you do.

Uh—huh.

You try to be a little bit
nicer.

And, uh, basically, if you don't
hurt anybody

They might start to like you.

Hmm.

I don't know.

No, I think you're onto
something there.

And, I'd like to say one thing
on top of that.

Yeah?

Surprise!

All:
surprise!

You loser!

Brendon:
oh, oh, shannon you made me

Look like a jerk.

[Brendon laughing]

You better toughen up if you're
going to survive.

I know, I know.

Oh, hi, everybody.

Oh, you guys were here
that whole time?

I'd like ten copies of that,
okay, melissa?

Bob saget, here we come!

Right, yeah.

Boy, you sure did humiliate me
again.

Ooh, that's you, though.

I mean, that's your personality.

I bring it upon myself.

Well, it's good, though,
in a way.

So what's... What's next
on the agenda here?

I mean, how many other ways
am I going to get humiliated?

It's up to you.

Brendon, this is
a really nice house.

I know, you wouldn't think
he'd live here.

The presentation of the food
is really great.

What is that?

Is that...

Those are mini—quiches.

Oh, wow.

Mini—what?

Mini—quiches.

Do they have cheese in them?
Because I can't eat cheese.

Oh, that's right.

Did you bring anything um,
for, uh, shannon for his party?

Brendon:
I got him some colored pencils

And a pad of paper.

Wow, that's a good idea.

Thanks.

What'd you get him?

I, um, glued buttons
on popsicle sticks.

Uh—huh... Melissa.

Yeah?

Follow me.

Okay.

Bring the camera.

Why?

Shh!

Brendon:
uh, shannon?

Yeah?

I was wondering if you'd like
to come outside

And just have a talk
with me really quickly.

Um, we're just... Okay.

I'll be right back, guys!

Okay.

Watch your step.

[Crash]

This whole fight thing, when I
called you and picked a fight—...

That's not me.

That's not the kind of person
I am.

I am not a h*s...

I am a pacifist...

Ultimately.

Yeah, well, you fight like one.

[Both laugh]

I'd be a pacifist, too,
if I fought like you.

Yeah.

My gosh, I'd be gandhi!

[Chuckling]:

You keep getting me, you know?

But what I'm saying is,
let's start over.

I am sorry.

Put 'er there.

Uh, hey, shannon, look!

Ow!

Brendon [yelling]:
that's for jason!

[Groaning]

I'm the winner!

[Moaning]

Run, brendon!

I am running!

Stop the tape!

Melissa:
I'll stop.

Stop the tape!

Should I get your mom, or...

No, I'm cool.

What?

I'm fine.

You're... He didn't
really hit you?

Oh, he hit me, sure, but,
you know, it didn't hurt.

I just thought,
throw the guy a bone, you know?

It's my birthday,
I feel expansive.

Everyone needs a little victory.

It'll help him.

Don't want the guy to have
a complex when he gets older.

Melissa:
wow, that's really
nice of you, shannon.

Shannon:
oh, be sure...
Don't tell him, though.

Melissa:
I won't, I won't.