02x07 - Dad

[bunniefuu]

So brendon, have fun
this weekend, okay?

Mom, mom you already told me,
like, 12 times.

But this time I mean it.

Alright.

Ah, this zipper
is really stuck.

I know.

Paula: did you spill soda
on it or glue?

Uh, probably.

Brendon, how did you
zip it up this far?

I didn't, I just put it
over my head like a sweatshirt.

Well, I don't have time
to fix it now;

Your father's going
to be here soon.

Now remember
what I told you.

Have fun.

Yes and best behavior.

Be nice, be polite—...

Brendon: yeah.

Do what he says,
brush your teeth, and have fun.

Right, fun.

That must be him.

Please tell me
you mean the burrito man.

It's him.
I love you, honey, have fun.

Mom, could you do me a favor
while I'm away?

Sure, what?

I want you to have fun.

Brendon.

See?
It doesn't feel so good.

Go!

No!

Bye, brendon, have fun.

No, you have fun.

No, you have fun.

No, you have fun.

Brendon, stop it!

Be nice.
No.

You be nice.

You be nice.

I—-

Paula: you're going, have fun.

Hi! Brendon.

Hi, uh, you.

You look good, brendon.

Well, thanks.
I've been working out.

Brendon:
you look like your picture.

Andrew: thanks.

Brendon: yeah.

Uh, well, shall we?

Okay.

So..

So...

What's up, big guy?

Oh, ya know.

You know, we've been
on the phone talkin'

But I think that the last time
I saw you——i don't know,

You were, uh—-

I was shorter?

You're a little taller,
I noticed that.

You're——you know,
you're longer.

Um, thank you.

Hey, you know what I
was thinkin'?

What's that?

Uh, let's go to the zoo.

Brendon: uh, well,
the zoo's great, sure.

Ya know?
See some animals.

Okay.

Andrew:
you like animals, right?

Well, I understand
that's the place to go.

Hey, I love animals, brendon.

In fact, if I didn't
become a lawyer,

I was gonna become a zoologist.
You know?

Although some people say
a lawyer's a type of animal.

You know?

Like a reptile, that's what
people are always sayin'.

Andrew: oh, those people,
they don't know though, brendon.

They don't know
how hard I work.

Uh—huh.

Andrew: and I do it for you.

Oh.

Well, by the way, we're gonna
meet my girlfriend, linda,

At the zoo, since you've agreed
to go to the zoo.

What is she,
one of the exhibits?

Well, let me tell you something,
she could be.

What is she, an animal?

No, you're not kiddin'.

Hello?

Hi.

What's up?

Nothing, I thought we
just covered this.

Tell him I'll call him monday.

No, reynolds can handle
all that stuff.

Yeah, I'm taking
the weekend off.

I'm taking my son to the zoo.
Yeah, okay, bye.

I'm sorry, brendon,
I'm plugged in here.

So where were we?

Uh, you're girlfriend's
an animal.

Hey, watch where
you're going!

Ugh, nice horn.

Linda.

Where have you been?

What?
We're early.

Linda: yeah, well, so was i.

I had a hellish day
at the hospital;

I had to get out
of there.

Sorry, linda.
This is my son, brendon.

Brendon, this is linda.

Very pleased
to meet you, linda.

Hello, brendon.
It's nice to meet you too.

Huh, yeah.

A guy ran over my foot.

What?

Linda: right over my big toe.

I was wheeling him
into the elevator

And for some stupid reason
the idiot backs up.

I'm like, hey, idiot!
And he runs right over my toe.

Oh, that's terrible.

Well, how does it feel now?

Linda: it hurts.

Are you a doctor?

No, I'm not a doctor.

Brendon: are you a nurse?

No.

Brendon: are you a patient?

Linda does volunteer work
at the hospital.

Mm—hmm.

Look, linda do you want
to go home

Maybe soak your toe
or somethin'?

No, no I said I'd do the zoo
with you two boys,

So let's do the zoo.

One time my friend, jason,
uh, ran over my toe

With a skateboard
so I have a feeling

I think I know
what you're going through.

Yes, well I think
a 250—pound man in a wheelchair

Is a tad heavier than some
four—year—old on a skateboard,

Don't you think?

Um, you have a good point,
but still, you know,

I did break my toe so—...

You broke your toe?

Yeah.

When did you break you toe?

As soon as the skateboard
went over it.

Your mother never told me
you broke you toe!

My child broke a bone
and I didn't know about it?

I'm fine, I think.

Well, what are we gonna do?
Are you alright?

I think so.

Should we go somewhere?

No, it just—...

Andrew, obviously,
the kid is fine.

Okay, great.

Well let's——hey, let's do
the zoo, you guys.

Alright.
Come on!

Let's do the zoo.
Let's do the zoo.

Hmm, um, maybe he's sleeping.

Hmm, the sumatran tiger,
panthera tigris sumatrae.

Says here
it's a very beautiful animal

And very rare.

Right, I like my
beautiful animals medium rare.

Good one.

Thank you.

Let's give him a couple
more minutes.

Okay, a couple more minutes.

Oh, linda there you are!

I was beginning to think one
of the animals gotcha.

Well, while you two
were having fun,

I volunteered to sit with
some baby llamas next week.

Wow, that's great, linda.

Yeah, I know.

Brendon: yeah.

So, can we leave now?

Well, actually, we're waiting
for the panthera tigris
various rarous

To come outus.

It's a very shy animal.

Why don't you just
throw a rock at it?

We should probably
just get going.

Yeah, let's get going.

Hey, can you see the stars?

Those people are famous?

Uh, stop looking in people's
windows, brendon.

Hey, did you ever——did you ever
see any murders?

No.

Where's my blue towel?

Huh?

Did you take a blue towel
off the shelf?

I, uh, I might have.
What color was it?

Linda: yeah, I think you did.

Oh.

I'm sorry, linda.
I forgot to tell him.

Of course you forgot.

I mean, we've only been living
together for five months.

Why should you remember
something that's important
to me?

You can have it back.

I mean, I really didn't even
use it that much.

Linda: can I talk to you
in private please?

Sure.

Linda: not you.

Am I too demanding?

Andrew: no.

Linda: so, I have
a favorite towel, so what?

You have a favorite shirt,
you have a favorite mug.

I ask one thing; don't let
anybody use my towel.

I'll use her stupid towel
anytime I want;

And your stupid green towel
and your stupid red towel.

Hey, sh**ting star!

Well, and you know what?

I'll use your toothbrush too,
that's what I'll do.

Linda: did you use
my toothbrush?

Uh, good morning,
monsieur brendon!

How did you sleep, eh?

Like this.

Of course.
Tres bien, tres bien.

Would you like to start off
with a tray of biens?

Hey, no thanks,
but how 'bout some o.j.?

Oui and what would you like
for the cereal?

I think I will have
the dinosaur—shaped
sugar puff flakes.

Ah, excellent.

Why, thank you.

Why didn't you wake me?

Uh, linda could you
get a robe on or something?

Good morning to me.

You were supposed to wake me
at 7:45.

I did.

Yeah, well you didn't do
a very good job of it;
it's 8:30.

I know but—...

I got to be
at the cancer institute

At nine o'clock.

I'm sorry, I guess
you fell back to sleep.

Oh, so you're only going
to wake me once, is that it?

Linda: I get one shot
and that's it.

Thanks a lot.

Now I gotta rush.

Great, I'm gonna have a fun day
at the cancer institute.

Well, uh, so I was thinking, uh,
finish off at the zoo today?

Linda: did you use
my deodorant?

Andrew: things are gonna
be different, brendon.

Now that I'm living closer,
we're gonna spend

A lot more time together.

Will I see you next weekend?

No, next weekend
I'm in dallas.

Oh.

I mean I'll still travel a lot,
you know?

But when I'm around—-

Yeah.

Hello?

Hello.

What?

I said, uh—...

No, no forget it.

Oh.

Just tell him "no."

Look, reynolds relax.

Andrew: get out of the office;
go to the zoo or something.

Yeah, alright.
Bye.

I'm sorry, brendon,
it's a big case.

Sure.

Anyway i, um, I'd like us
to see more of each other

When I am around.

Because we're still a family,
you know.

Sure.

I mean, kind of.

Yeah, I know.

And because, well, because
I'm gonna ask linda to marry me.

So are you gonna stop her
from marrying your father?

No, i——it's not——see I have
to stop my father

From marrying her.

That's what I said.

No, no you said stop her
from marrying him

And she's not marrying him;
he's marrying her.

It's the same thing as long
as they both agree.

Oh, well, I mean, you know.

Now, brendon, your father
is sort of old enough

To make up his own mind,
you know?

It's really not
your decision.

Oh, well, yeah.

Is he in love with her?

If he is in love, then they have
to get married and right away.

Ugh.

Because that's what love is,
you get married right away.

Uh, brendon maybe this
will help.

Um, one night I walked
into my parents' bedroom

And my parents saw me naked.

You were naked?

Yeah.

Why were you naked?

I love it.

Alright, everybody quiet down.

Who was talking? Melissa?

Melissa: sorry.

This new kid here is eddie.

Class: hi, eddie.

Mcguirk: alright, eddie,

Take a hike while I explain to
everybody what's wrong with you.

Coach, is eddie sick?

Who told you?

Nobody, I was just—-

Don't do my job for me,
melissa, okay?

Okay.

Mcguirk: alright now everybody,
eddie's sick,

But he's a good kid.

He's like the son I never had
or I don't know about.

Mcguirk: anyway, anyone messing
with eddie messes with me.

You got that, melissa?

I'm not gonna mess with eddie.

Mcguirk: good.

Now this is complicated
so just bear with me.

Eddie was born
with some kind of problem

And he takes medication for it.

Any questions?
Good.

Look at him out there,
so small, so defenseless.

He's like a chipmunk
with a disease.

Who didn't love that analogy?

Mcguirk: alright, everybody
here are some
of the warning signs

That tell you
something's wrong with eddie.

What I like to call this part
of the speech is:

"You know eddie's sick if,
dot dot dot."

If he stops breathing,
if he vomits blood,

If he ever says, "help,"

Or if it looks like he's saying,
"help," but he can't say "help,"

Mcguirk: he's like mouthing it.
Uh——

Hey, coach mcguirk,
eddie just fell.

Oh god.
Is he up yet?

No.

Mcguirk: how 'bout now?

Uh——nope.

Well, give him
a few minutes, brendon.

Hey don't yell at me,
I'm just——he fell.

This can't happen
the first day, brendon.

What's he doin'?

He's movin'.

Mcguirk: is he?

Alright, melissa.

Yeah?

Mcguirk: go drag him
off the field

So we can start practice.

Okay.

No, really I didn't
mean to laugh.

It's just——i mean 11 years
younger than you.

My god.

Hey! Why don't I have the both
of you over for dinner?

What?

You and lydia,
an engagement dinner!

Can she stay out late?

It's linda and you know it.

It'll be fun, I'll make you a——
I don't know,

I'll make you a something.

I don't want you to go
through any trouble.

How's thursday night?

I don't know,
I gotta check with linda.

So, it's settled, we'll see you
and the little misses

On thursday night.

Okay, okay.
Should we bring anything?

Just yourselves and maybe
a note from her parents

If she's gonna be out late.

Uh, good, eddie, good.
That was a nice kick.

Now get ready, 'cause I'm gonna
kick this one a little harder.

This one's comin' like a rocket.
Get ready for it.

Here we go.

Oh, eddie!
I'm sorry.

That was a good stop though.
You really used your mouth.

Mcguirk: wow, that must have
been loose anyway, right?

Coach!

Melissa, not now.
What?

We're getting k*lled out there.
We need your help.

You coach, melissa.

I'm elsewhere, alright.
I'm helping eddie.

Okay.

Mcguirk: what do ya got,
false teeth in there, eddie?

Hey, other team!
We quit!

Hey, melissa, what did I
teach you about team spirit?

Oh, sorry.

So long, suckers!

That's better.

Alright, hey, melissa,
watch where you're stepping

'Cause there's teeth
on the ground here.

Eww.

Eddie? Eddie? Eddie?

Mom, what's going on?

Making a practice meal.
Taste this.

Does it need something?
What does it need?

Better flavor.

I think there's too much fennel
and not enough sage,

Or too much rosemary.

But it's called
"rosemary chicken,"

So how could you go wrong
with a lot of rosemary?

Uh, mom does it bother you that,
uh, what's his name

Is getting remarried again?

Well, um, brendon first of all,
he's not remarrying again,

He's just remarrying.

But the——does it
bother you that—...

If he were remarrying again
then that would mean

That he's been married
at least twice before

And as far as I know this will
only be his second marriage

And no, it doesn't bother me
too much.

Try this.

Um, I think it
has too much flannel.

Flennel.

Flennel?

I think you're right.

You said you
liked linda, right?

Uh, no I said that
she's very pretty

In the morning,
but I don't know.

She always seems to be
in a bad mood.

Mm—hmm.
Try this.

That tastes like, uh, chalk.

Perfect.

We'll have this and, uh,
you can have macaroni.

Alright, everybody
gather 'round.

I got some bad news
so listen up.

This is the part of the job
I love.

Eddie is no longer with us.

What?

Now wait a minute.

Let me explain something,
alright?

Eddie moved to arizona,
which is a state.

Apparently, its healthier there.

Mcguirk: you know, it's better
for eddie to live like a lizard

In the desert,
crawling around, eating bugs.

Hey, coach, do you miss eddie?

Don't be ridiculous, brendon.
Eddie was sick.

Yeah.

You don't miss sick people.

It was kind of fun having eddie
around, you know?

He sort of reminded me of me
when I was his age.

Brendon: really?

Well, no, but he did remind me
of me about two years ago.

Wow.

But, being with him
made me think I'd like

To spend some time working
with kids, you know?

But you do spend time working
with kids, coach mcguirk.

You're a soccer coach.

Shut up, brendon.

Okay.

I'm talking about quality time,
you know, like one on one,
you know.

Sure.

I'm thinking about
becoming a big brother.

Well, you are big.

Get out on that field
and show me

What you can do, brendon.

Nah.

So this is the studio.

Looks like the basement.

It's also the basement.
Here's some of our work.

Wow, that's
very impressive, brendon.

Let me get this straight.
You make movies?

Yeah.

So you got something you want
to show us?

I'm going to go get
a glass of wine.

Okay, sweety.

Now this is our current work
in progress.

Good morning, my dearest dear.
How lovely you look over there.

You were supposed to wake me
and you didn't and I overslept

And now I'm gonna be late
for everything

And it's all your fault.

I'm sorry but I did wake you,
my pretty princess,

But I guess you fell back
to sleep.

Then, you didn't wake me.

Oh, but I did.

How could I be awake
if I was sleeping?

Brendon: well, I don't know,
my shiny angel head.

It doesn't matter now anyway.

Of course not,
my precious jewel.

Melissa: my day is ruined.

Don't let a little cloud spoil
the sunshine, cupcake face.

And did you use my red towel?

Oh, I'm sorry, tulip honey.
I must have forgotten.

You're not supposed
to use my red towel.

My red towel is for me only.

Brendon: yes, yes.
I'm sorry, my beautiful bunny.

Will you marry me?

Brendon, are you trying
to tell me something?

No.

More wine, anyone?

No, thank you.

No.

Uh, yes.

Paula: me too.

So how was the movie?

Huh? Oh the movie.
Uh, it was good.

Isn't brendon talented?

Paula: how's the chicken?

Good.

Well, thank you, linda.

It's excellent, paula.

Why do you have to one up me?

I wasn't one upping you,
I was concurring with you.

I said "good"
and you said "excellent."

If you were concurring,
you would have just said "good."

Andrew: I was just saying—-

Yeah, yeah fine;
whatever.

So you two love birds
set a date yet or what?

Probably in three months.

Three months, why wait?

Tell me, paula,
are you seeing anyone?

I mean is three months
enough time for you

To get a date?

Pass the peas please,
somebody.

We're not having peas.

Well, something
tastes like peas,

Just pass something.

As a matter of fact,
I am seeing someone.

You're seeing someone?

You didn't tell me
you were seeing someone.

Oh, sure, he's a cute
little fella by the name

Of mr. Television.

Ever heard of him?

Milton berle?

Paula: brendon!

Mom, he's so old.

Paula, don't—...

You're marrying
a twenty something—year—old girl

Who looks like she stepped out
of fashion magazine

And you're telling me "don't"?

Will you excuse us
for a moment?

Do you know how long it's been
since I've been intimate

With a man, huh?

Can we discuss this later?

Guess.

Can I guess later?

Guess it now.

Well—...

Paula: over two years.

Seriously?

Why'd I just tell you that?

Hey, are you——you're not using
my dinosaur glass, are you?

Nice try.

Do you love my father?

What kind of question's that?

Just the kind of question
that ends with a question mark.

Yeah, of course.

Did you ever see him naked?

That's it.
Andrew!

So are you gonna get me
some smokes or what?

You know, you shouldn't smoke,
alright?

Plus, I already
gave you a pack.

Oh, dude, come on!

Don't call me "dude" alright,
I'm older than you.

Whatever.

I'm outta here, this is lame.
You're lame.

Hey, good.
You know what?

Go, see if I care.

Adios.

Alright, I'm going to the agency
tomorrow anyway

And getting a better
little brother.

Better than you!

You suck as a little brother!

Wow, nice tiger.

Andrew: linda and I
love each other, brendon.

I know it doesn't always
look that way

Because we're adults.

But the marriage
is gonna work.

Okay.

We're gonna be fine.

Alright.

And you're gonna be part
of our life

And your mom's life, okay?

Okay.

Hello?

Okay.

What?
Oh.

Just kidding.

Um, dad, are you
even happy?

Yes, brendon, I'm happy.

Andrew: are you happy?

Sure, but can we go somewhere

Besides the zoo please?

Hello, big brother agency.

Yeah, hi this is john mcguirk,
I was in to see you.

Who's this?

This is ken.

Oh, hey, ken I talked
to you yesterday, remember?

Oh, hello!
How you doing?

Yeah, remember yesterday
that kid took off.

Yeah, we have big problem
with that.

Yeah, did you find him?

We never found him, no.

Yeah, well that kid
was definitely troubled.

Uh, how to say——you not
so good influence on the guy.

You know, it wasn't me, ken,
I just like, you know, I just—-

I don't want to point finger
but, you know, sometimes

You have to point the finger.

Yeah.

Well, why you call,
john mcguirk?

Well, actually I was hoping
to be set up again

With another kid, you know,

'Cause that one
didn't work out so well.

Okay, well, I'll look
through my file;

We have plenty of kids here,
just, uh——

Can I make a recommendation?

What's that?

Uh, could you get me
somebody sick?

Okay, well, let me look
through my file.

I got one kid,
I'm looking right here.

I got one kid
who has no eyes.

Who's blind.

No, he just has no eyes.

But he can see?

No, he can't see nothing.

Alright.

It just says, "no eyes,"
on his paper.

It says, "cannot see,"
also in parentheses.

Well, do you have anything
more sick?

More sick?

Well, I got one kid
who has a wooden leg.

Wooden leg?
That's not bad.

Yeah, and the other one plastic.

So, one plastic,
and one wooden leg?

I guess they couldn't
find a matching pair.

That's pretty sad.

That's not so good, yeah.

Oh, I'd love to put
those two kids together.

If you could combine those kids,
that's a pretty good thing.

Yeah, like one plastic leg,
one wooden leg, no eyes.

Hey, ken, I like you.

I like you, too.

I have to admit,
I do like you a little bit.

It's pretty shocking that you
run a big brother agency.

It's pretty crazy,
the other guy's sick.

That's why——i kinda just
work here temporarily.

Yeah.