02x08 - Therapy

[bunniefuu]

Lord, have you
lost weight perhaps?

Uh, not that I know of,
but thank you.

No, he does look thinner.
Mm.

Well, you both
flatter me.

Not flatter,
my lord, thinner.

Well, I suppose you too
look thinner, too, then, yeah.

Impossible, I am
fatter if anything.

You seem shorter too,
your honor.

Shorter, yes, much shorter.

That doesn't carry
the same complimentary weight

As thinner but, funny,
I don't feel shorter.

Sire, is this your big shoe?

Yes, give that back.
Must have fallen off.

You're shrinking, my king.

Hey, what's that supposed
to mean?

We didn't know
how to tell you.

I'm not shrinking.

Yes, my lord, you are.

Oh yeah?

Well, you're shrinking.

How do you like that?

Doesn't feel so good, does it?

No, it doesn't.
Brendon:
yeah, see?

But we are not shrinking,
my lord.

And I remember a time

When you didn't have
to use that stool.

I like the stool;
I use it because it's fun.

You use it
because you're shrinking.

Hey, is this some new
kooky way of impeaching me?

Melissa:
not at all, your sire.

We are your humble servants,
my president king.

Well, well, then.

Very good then.

That seems settled.

Is it settled then? Good.

Okay, no more talking of
shrinking then, alright?

Brendon:
okay, could somebody just
help me off the stool, please?

Jason:
here, sire.

Brendon:
good, I am off
to go shopping then.

How are we on toilet paper?

Melissa: good.
Jason: get some.

Get some?

Alright, write it down.

Brendon:
t—o——uh, forget it,
I'll remember.

Okay, I'll be back soon.

Jason: good bye, my lord.

He's definitely shrinking.

We should prepare
for his eventful disappearance.

I forgot my wallet.

When he disappears,
I'll take over.

Oh goody.

With me as
your woman commander.

Jason: of course,
I nearly forgot.

They're plotting against me.

Good thing I'm shrinking
or they'd see me.

It feels soft.

I think it feels flat.

It's soft and flat
like a bathroom rug.

Hmm.
It also feels forced,
like somebody forced

A bathroom rug into something,
like a hamper.

Oh, I hate my acting,
it's horrible.

You think you were bad,
what about me?

I couldn't act my
into a paper bag.

Into.

Are you guys serious?

Jason: that's funny.
Melissa: thanks.

My acting sucks on ice.

What was I doing up there?

Not acting, that's for sure.

Hey brendon, why don't you put
some extra bait on that hook?

Yeah, don't forget
your tackle box

For your compliment
fishing trip.

I thought we were all
fishing for compliments,

That's what we were—
oh, forget it.

Hey, brendon,
grow an ahab beard.

Brendon: okay, maybe I will.

Guys, guys!

Hey, captain of
the s.s. Compliment.
Brendon!

Guys should we maybe rehearse
this more and re—sh**t it?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no.

Yeah, nobody's acting's
that bad.

You're acting like a child!

What does that mean?

Wait me or him?

Both of you.

But, I am a child,
so thank you.

Do you want to elaborate, linda?

You didn't want to race
because of your shoes,

That's what you said.

Well, how do you know what
I really wanted to do?

Can jump in
and say somethin'?

Go ahead, brandon.

Brendon.
It—— never mind.

Linda, we said let's race
to the car

And you said you couldn't
because of your shoes,

And, you know,
so we just—...

Honey, you were wearing
beautiful shoes,

But maybe you should carry extra
shoes on days with brendon.

And you said you didn't
want to race anyway.

But I did, I just couldn't
because of my shoes.

Well, maybe we can go
shoe shopping after this

Andrew:
or we can schedule a shoe outing
for the three of us.

Don't patronize me.

I'd like to stop you there.

I'm not patronizing you,
I'm just saying—...

Oh, what are
you saying then?

Hey, I got an idea,
let's reschedule the race

And we'll just let linda win.

Brendon, do not
patronize linda.

I thought I was
patronizing you.

Real nice.

I can't believe
we're arguing about shoes.

No, don't do that.

It's more than that.

Hey, maybe we should argue about
something else.

I'd like to stop
you there, too.

No, it's serious.

If you can't interpret
what's really going on,

Then how well is this
whole thing gonna work?

It's stupid.

Well, maybe it is stupid.

Well, then it's unanimous,
something's stupid.

Brendon!

Hey, I'm sorry
but you know,

I am the winner
of the race still and—...

Oh, can we stop talking
about the stupid race?

I'm gonna stop us there.

I'm so embarrassed.

Well, that's why I taped
the first session,

Doctor:
so that we can see
how embarrassing we are.

Man, my acting
is horrible;

I'm really in a slump.

Does this cost more,
the taping?

A little.

Listen, doctor, I'd like
to apologize

For everybody's bickering.

And, I'd like
to accept our apology.

Well, good,
but the main issue here

Is communication

And there was some abrasive
talk that day,

Wasn't there?

Yeah, there was.

Doctor:
the word "stupid" was used, huh?

Stupid?

Ouch.

Stupid is a very hurtful word.

And you raised your voices,
you pointed fingers.

I'm sorry.

Well, dad, I'm not looking
for an apology.

But if the three of you
are willing,

I'd like to show you
a communication technique

I've pioneered
called "gentle talk."

Guys?

Sounds stupid, but okay.

Brendon?

Sure, it does sound
stupid, but, uh, okay.

Great, well, then let me
start off easy on ya'll.

"I feel that it would be
in your best interest"—...

Let's try to get used
to that phrase, huh?

And let's try to use that phrase
in place of the word "should".

Should is an ugly word,
isn't it?

Sure.

It is? Since when?

Oh, yes it is.

When one is telling another
that they should do something,

That's your critical parent
talking.

We don't like to be criticized,
do we g*ng?

No.

No.

How 'bout you,
little skipper?

You don't like criticism, do ya?

What——criticism?

Uh, no. I don't mind
giving it, but—...

No, we don't.

I feel that it would be
in your best interest

To wear some running sneakers
because me and the boy

Would like to race with you
to the car today.

Doctor:
see?

That's a little more gentle,
isn't it?

Uh, yeah, that's very
interesting.

I like what you said
about the things and—...

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening
at all.

Time out! Ref, time out!

Melissa, brendon, come here.

That's right,
on the double.

Mcguirk:
hustle it up!

Yeah?

Coach, are we in trouble?

I want you two
to look at my gums.

I don't want to look
at your gums coach.
No.

Come on, I can't see them
from here.

Alright.
Oh gross!

They bleeding?

Yep. You hurt yourself?

No, brendon.
It's called "gingivitis."

Like on tv.

Right, or in the movies.

Melissa:
why don't you just
go to the dentist?

I hate the dentist.

Me too 'cause every time
I go to the dentist

My tongue gets depressed.

Thank you.

You floss, brendon?

No way.

Oh, me neither.

Time in!

Mom, I don't,
I don't like going to therapy

With dad and linda.

It's only for a trial basis,
you know.

You could just give it a try.

Yeah, yeah.

Look, your dad thinks
it will help you guys

Deal with the tension
of linda being in your lives.

Wait, that came out wrong.

No, but it is tense.

I'm going out of my mind.

But are you learning
anything?

I mean psychology
can be kinda interesting.

Well, I learned that "should"
is a word I shouldn't use.

Why shouldn't you?

I don't know, 'cause
it makes the doctor mad.

He should lighten up a little.

Well, maybe you should
lighten up a little.

Well, maybe you should go
to therapy with linda.

Well, maybe she should
lighten up a little.

Maybe everybody should
lighten up a little.

What should we
have for dinner?

We should have pizza.

We should have salad too.

You should have salad.

Maybe linda should
have a salad.

I feel that it would be
in her best interest.

Should be in her
best interest.

What should be
in who's best interest?

The salad.

The salad's
in linda's best interest?

No, the pizza's
in the salad's best interest.

Oh, the pizza's
in the salad's best interest.

The point is, brendon,
you don't have to go to therapy,

But I think a person
like you really should.

How was school, brendon?

Blah.

Well great!

And how was your day, linda?

Ehh.

Fantastic!

Hey guys, look, I want to try
to communicate a little more.

I mean, I don't want to force us
to do anything,

But the sessions
aren't going to help

Andrew:
unless we try to apply
what he's teaching us.

You know what I mean?

Well, let's talk then.

I say, let's order.

I feel it would be in our best
interest to talk first.

I think I'm gonna get the—...

Do you guys want to know
what I did today?

I had the worst day.

Well, I got in early,
I talked to a few clients,

I have a case next week and—...

No, not next week, in a week
and a half.

I nearly got
in an accident.

Oh, I wasn't finished, sweetie.

I'm sorry?

You interrupted me, honey.

Right, did you even hear
what I said?

Andrew: you almost got
in an accident?

Yeah, I could've
been k*lled.

Well, I'm sorry
about that, I mean—...

But my point is that if we don't
allow each other

To finish sentences, then how
are we going to learn

To communicate better?

Yeah, so it's not important
at all

That I was practically k*lled?

No, it's always important
when you're practically k*lled,

But that's not the issue.

Oh really? Really?

Linda: great, that's fine.
Andrew: sweetheart, come on.

Yes, I agree.

Alright, tell us
about the accident.

No, I don't want to now.

Please, it's import—...

Well, I'm driving down elmwood
and this pickup truck

Comes from out of nowhere—-

My soccer coach
has gingivitis.

Well, that's probably
because he doesn't floss.

He doesn't, I asked him.

Do you floss?

No way. Do you?

Andrew: no way.

Hey, what about me?

Whoops!
Geez.

I'm sorry, honey,
do you floss?

You know what?

I'll be in the car
if you need me.

No, don't do that.

Tell us what happened.

You almost got k*lled,
oh my god!

Well, uh, should
we go get her?

No, yeah, I mean, uh,
she's a little testy

Since we started
this therapy stuff.

Brendon:
you don't say.

I need the keys.

Right.

Yeah and, uh,
hey that reminds me.

I told the therapist
that you made movies.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, and he said bring
some over to the next session

Because he'd really
like to see them.

Oh, that's cool.

Where did you park?

Brendon:
I'd like to be taken out
of the box now please.

Yes, lord.

Thank you.

You know, I don't want
to sound ungrateful,

Because I appreciate you two
making this shoebox bed for me,

But it's a little dark
and musty in there.

But we made air holes for you,
my lordship.

Yes, and your bed
is too big now

That you've taken up shrinking.

Ah, ah, ah, whoa,
we don't use that word.

I am reverse growing.

You're acting up.

He's acting up.

Maybe we should
feed him.

I can feed myself,
thank you.

Can one of you just
pass me the soup

And the eyedropper, please?

I'm sorry, my lord.

Is that my handkerchief
you're wearing?

You mean my hanker—toga?

Jason:
yes, it's mine,
you stole it.

Hey, I can do whatever
I want, I'm the king.

Not for long.

Brendon: what?

Nothing.
Nothing.

Nothing.
Nothing.

Hey, am I out of my mind
or are you two

Plotting to overthrow me
or something?

Melissa: no.
No, never my lord. Never.

I'll be the woman commander.

It's going to be great.

Because I get the feeling that
you are plotting against me.

You must be out
of your mind, my lord.
Brendon: alright.

And you will be king.
I can't wait to be king.

Brendon:
because I can hear you
plotting against me.

You're crazy, my lord, crazy.

I think you're overtired.

Maybe you should get some sleep,
so we can smash you.

Brendon: what?

He just said "get some
sleep, so we can smash you."

Oh, okay. Well, that's—...

Hey, wait a minute!

I'm not sleepy.

Doctor:
I'd like to stop us there.

Brendon?

Yep.

There's a lot going on there,
but you know which character

I think is the most interesting?

Brendon: who?

The one that you played.

The president king, yeah,
that's my favorite too.

Well, I didn't say favorite,
I said interesting;

Interesting because
that character

Clearly has a number
of psychological ailments.

Doctor:
he's got a napoleon complex,
he's narcissistic,

He's claustrophobic,
he's delusional——

Mm—hmm.

He's paranoid.
Right.

He thinks that some
authoritative male/female team

Is plotting against him.

Brendon: sure.

And he's slowly disappearing.

Yeah, he's pretty
screwed up.

That character
is you, brendon.

Right, I played him.

You can tell from my nose.

No, brendon, that character
represents who you are.

Yeah, I know.

If you just fast forward,
the credits say so.

Brendon, you, in real life,
have these issues.

Brendon: no way.

And that character is you.

Because I played him.

No, in real life
you are those things.

You didn't like
the movie, did you?

It was fine,
but the president king—...

Brendon:
is me, because
you recognize my voice.

I feel you're true feelings
about your father remarrying

Have come out in your work.

Hey look, let's not
over analyze this.

Doctor: I have to.

Oh. Well.

Doctor:
dad, linda, I think we've had
a big breakthrough today.

We found a big road block
in the family

And that road block
is right there.

I don't think
you're melon—chested, brendon.

Well, maybe melon—chested
is the wrong word,

But, you know, I am messed up.

Do you mean maladjusted?

That's it, see,
that's it,

I'm screwed in the head.

I'm insane in the membrane.

No, you are not, brendon.

Well, dr. Whats—his—face
seems to think so.

Well, dr. Whatshisface
is wrong.

You're fine.

Look, there's nothing wrong
with reacting

To your father remarrying.

I've been doing it all week.

But why does he have to get
remarried anyway, you know?

Who knows?

I knew this therapy thing
was a bad idea.

You said psychology
was interesting.

Only in theory, not when it
makes you feel bad

About feeling strange
about a thing

That's totally natural
and not your fault.

Yeah, but dad wants everybody
to be happy.

Oh, this is another one of his
stupid antiseptic remedies.

It's clinical and detached.

It's nonsense,
I should talk to him.

I'm gonna talk to him.

No, no, no, no,
no, no, don't.

Listen, just let me know
if you want out, okay?

I'll write you a note;
you keep it in your pocket,

If you feel weird, pull it out
and give it to the doctor.

Well, what'll
you write on it?

I have no idea,
something along the lines of:

"Listen, you crazy idiot!"

It sounds aggressive.

Okay,
maybe I'll do a rewrite.

Here's a piece
of advice, brendon.

There's no such thing
as psychology.

It's all made up crap.

Oh really?

Yeah, they're all conmen,
all of them, even the women.

Oh.

Just remember that when
they're telling you

How screwed up you are.

Okay.

And, uh, let me
tell you something else.

Astronomy is bs too.

Really?

Yeah, all that star crap
is ridiculous.

But there are stars.

Whatever, brendon.

Okay, well, did you ever
go to a therapist?

Yeah, sometimes you gotta
do certain things

To reenter society.

Alright?

Yeah. I guess I've got
some issues.

Like what?

I'll fix them.

Well, like I guess
I'm slightly frustrated

About my father remarrying,
you know, this—...

That's a load
of crap, brendon.

Yeah, well—...

Come on, that's psychobabble.

What?

Don't fall prey
to it, brendon.

Okay, what does
that mean though?

So what were you saying?

I was saying, uh,
I guess I'm slightly frustrated

About my father remarrying,
you know.

Well, that makes sense.

The woman he's marrying though,
you know—...

What is she, ugly?

No, actually
she's attractive.

Really attractive?

Pretty attractive,
yeah.

She could be in a magazine.

Really?
Yeah.

What type of magazine,
like a dirty mag

Or like one of those model mags?

Uh, like a model mag,
you know.

Oh, so you're jealous?

Oh, no way! No, no, no.
She's not my type.

She is way to wound up.

Well, so are you, brendon.
No, I'm not.

Oh, yeah you are.

No.
Yeah, see?

What?
You're defensive.

Well, that's because
you're accusing me.

There's nothing wrong
with being wound up, brendon.

Alright.

Mcguirk:
and you're like weak
and sickly.

Yeah.

You're a little short, too.

Whoa, whoa there!

Nothing wrong
with that either, brendon.

Nothing wrong with
being short,

You make up for it
in other ways.

Right.

You use your head,
for instance.

Sure, sure.
Yeah, what?

No, but anyways, brendon, it's
clear to me you're jealous.

No way. Yeah.
No.

And this woman probably
acts like a baby, you know.

And acting like a baby's
your job, right?

No.

She's stepping on your toes
and you hate her, even though

Really deep down, you wish
that she was marrying you.

What?
You heard me.
No, no.

Mcguirk:
and maybe, uh, you opened
your father's bedroom door

And she was just getting
out of the shower,

And she had just a towel on
and that towel

Was riding really low, exposing
a lot of cleavage.

Whoa.

And she's all wet,
the skin's all fresh,

You can smell it.

So calm down.

Just pure clean,
clean and nude and beautiful.

Yeah.

It's textbook stuff, brendon.

Look, the bottom line is,
you're gonna be fine.

You're just a kid.
Right.

You know, you grow up
and everything—-

Ah, well, it doesn't work out.

Anyway brendon, one last thing—-

Yeah?
Oh man!

Okay, go ahead, linda,
use the gentle talk;

Doctor:
use it to say
something to brendon.

Well, brendon—-

Good, now we're cooking.

I feel that you and I
misunderstand each other

And maybe we should—-

Ouch,
what happened there, linda?

What did we say
about the word "should"?

Oh, right.

Try again, linda.

Maybe it would be
in our best interests

To try to understand each other.

Linda that was just what
the doctor ordered.

Brendon, I know you must be
feeling a little fragile

After hearing that,
and if you'd like to cry,

Doctor: well, that's alright.

I think I'm gonna be okay.

I would like us to hear
your response to that, brendon.

Okay, well, um, I think
it's kind of easy for linda

To say that
we should understand—...

Ouch!

Each other because now
she's off the hook

And the pressure's on me—...

Brendon.

Wait, no, I think
I've got something here.

Uh, linda?

Yeah?

I don't dislike you,
but I dislike being around you.

Doctor: whoa, whoa, brendon.

And I can say that because
we don't know each other at all

And neither of us is making
any effort at all,

But you know, who knows,
maybe we should.
Ouch.

But then again maybe
we shouldn't.
Ouch.

I don't know, you know?

Ouch, ouch, ouch, brendon, ouch.

I'm concerned
with your behavior.

Yeah, what's new?

Brendon, I know you know
about gentle talk.

I'm being passive
aggressive, aren't i?

No, you're aggression
isn't passive at all,

It's active aggression.

So, you're saying it
should be more passive then?

No, and ouch, because you
used the word "should" again.

Brendon, I've got some
homework for you.

Doctor:
I would like you to try
to express

Exactly how you feel
to somebody with whom

You have a difficult time
communicating using gentle talk,

Alright?

Uh, no and no.

I, uh, I wanted to speak
to you about the food.

Alright, what?

Okay, first of all,
what is this?

It's chicken fried steak.

Chicken fried steak,

Okay, i—...

It's steak fried
in chicken fat.

It's good for you.

Okay, um, I feel that it's
important that you know

How I feel about
the chicken fried steak.

You enjoy it,
you like it?

Yes, I feel that when I
tried this

That I felt that I could vomit.

Alright.

Okay, and that—...

Oww! I feel that
was uncalled for.

Did you feel that?

Yeah, I did.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I feel
that that was...

How 'bout another?

Oww!

So let's move on?

Okay, I felt it was important
to say something.

Are you mad at me?

No, I just feel that I get
bored sometimes

When you talk about work.

Oh, well,
I didn't know that.

And I feel that what
you just said

Is an aggressive attack on me.

I feel that you're
raising your voice

And trying to hurt my feelings.

Well, I feel that I'm
honestly responding.

Well, I feel that if
it weren't for your son,

We wouldn't be spending
all of our time and money

In stupid therapy.

Stupid?

You just used the word stupid
in a sentence directed at me.

Doctor:
alright, let's start off
easy today.

Dad, how's about you say
something nice to linda

To open things up.

Do you always have
to call me "dad?"

Well, no.

Because I'm not
your father.

I am aware of that.

I don't like it
when you call me dad.

Well, that kind of
hurts my feelings.

Sorry.

I feel some aggressive energy
from your side of the room

Over there.

Because I have a name.

It's andrew, okay?

Okay, andrew.

Well, uh, we'll come back
to that.

Doctor:
but now I'd like
for us to get in a circle

Around brendon.

And this is an exercise to show
brendon his strength,

So he won't be so insecure.

Hey, I'm right here.
Geez.

Dad, would you like to start?

What'd I just say?

My fault.

Andrew, would you like to begin?

Why don't we start
with linda?

Well, why not?

Go ahead, linda.

Brendon, I feel
that you're talented.

Hey, thanks!

Great, linda,
I'm gonna go next.

Brendon, I feel that you're
a real go—getter

And someday maybe I feel
that you're gonna relax

And enjoy life with your father
and linda.

Stop already!

Geez!

Nobody talks this way,
this is unnatural!

Brendon, I was
complimenting you.

Well, that's probably
why it sounded unnatural.

Besides you weren't.

You hope I relax someday
is what you said.

That's not a compliment.

This is ridiculous.

No, I can't do this.

If he's not, then I'm not.

Well, I'm not.

Well, if they aren't,
then neither am i.

Let's all calm down and try to
diffuse this anger.

No way, I'm mad
and I like it.
Me too.

Good for you,
way to go, brendon.

You leave him alone

And don't talk to him
like that, linda.

I'll be in the car
if you need me.

I don't think
I will need you.

Then I'll be in a cab.

Oh, doctor, I forgot I have
a note from my mom.

I won't be coming back,
you know why?

Because therapy sucks!

Yeah!

Oh, that felt good.

Ouch!

Can I get some money
for a cab?

I'm sorry I put you
through that.

Man, I'm still feeling
the adrenaline,

It's like extreme therapy.

Well, I learned a lot.

So am I still invited
to the wedding?

If there still is a wedding.

So are you saying that
linda might not marry you?

I really don't know, brendon.

So she's available?

Very funny.

You think I'm jokin'?

I've got issues, dad.

I've got a——
where are we going?

I'm taking you
to your mother's.

Brendon:
where are you going?

I've got to have
a long talk with linda.

Oh.

I take it upon myself to welcome
you as my new husband.

Yes, my sweat piece
of angel cake,

I, too, take you
as my new wife.

Ha!

Let me just get the ring.

Uh, yes, uh, the ring please,
if it's not too much trouble?

Oh yes, that would be me.
Brendon: mm—hmm, mm—hmm.

Definitely gonna need the ring.

Ahem!

This baby's got a lot
of pockets.

The ring please, I say.

I should have worn
a three piece?

Brendon: okay, yeah.

Okay, everybody, you're not
going to believe this—...