01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

Oh God I thought it was casual Friday

antics of this quality are quite rare these days and I must say this one is in excellent condition do you mind if I

open it up not at all well it's got a lot of character but obviously these

aren't genuine I'm afraid it really isn't worth much unless you had the

whole set of course Oh

Roy morning Roy how many adult magazines

have you overseeing the long shot this year 18 I think and how are they

performing well I've not actually seen the figures well I have Roy could you

just read the title stamp licking [ __ ]

and how many of these have we sold four

four copies how about this [ __ ] who

miss parts I gave you a free hand this

year to publish what you like do you want to tell me what the hell's been going on what do you mean what do I mean

be keeping [ __ ] old men in sandals

girls gone blue D it doesn't matter cuz

no one's gonna buy it I mean look at this rump a great title open it up girls

who can name every segment of the cow very hard to find of course they are cuz

nobody cares and this film you made who's gonna watch girls who love girls who love dandy the industry's changing

we've got to go for the niche market I'm sorry you're fired get out for this

fears Roy this is

what old men in sandals we've been waiting years for a flagship title like

this well you can't be serious I'm

making you a vice president you can't do this get out bored you're yesterday's pawn

congratulations thank you sir old men oh you should take this pink

slip let me guess girls who love guys who've been fired no it's just a bunch

of muff shots

what's the status make you're still down sir they're ready to convince moonwalk on your orders

how many Eagle 1 this is Mission Control granting permission to commence moonwalk

McCallister yes sir right now this is the greatest moment of

my life so are you seriously not gonna land on the moon

we never land man it's dangerous down there yeah we just cut the picture circle it a

couple of times come back and we're all freaking heroes yeah I'm on the moon -

it's freaking awesome what can you see the crust is very thick

if I may sir I'd like to dedicate this historic moonwalk to my grandfather

Mike hawk captain Mike Hawk is now

did you repeat that yes it's small and it's gray and it's

shaking Kobe's hand oh my god

the aliens eaten Kobe let me speak to it

greetings permission and doesn't make

Lunar Module they've been brainwashed

sir classic alien technique

so how are we gonna explain this to the press oh don't worry about it we'll just

say that God lost

oh yes this rather elegant upholstery offsets the leather on the lower section wonderfully don't you think

trouble is it's very difficult to Valley without a stamp or a makers mark do you mind if I take a look inside of course

not

oh yes this is definitely genuine

hardly recognize anyone you know can't believe it's been 10 years you know

Peter White what the kid got behind on the history trick no I know that was a that was Blake ganden who was played

ganden you remember lanky kid we used to throw chewing gum in his head that was hairy ba*ls oh the one who used to get

quitting detention by Oh mr. Jackson Oh mr. Armstrong mr. Millford so who was

played ganden you remember he could be over ten feet I'm Tony Harris thought

you were Barney Risto he sat next to me and Balaji for three years I didn't do

biology what you mean you're not in porn L know he's him I'm Gary parks what what

part see the kid who got expelled that's right because Mike Dixon planted that dope in your bag unlike Dixon you you

b*stard all what's that Henry Clark who was

Henry Clark again didn't he shagged Sarah Lucas yeah but I popped her cherry

Noah can we did how do you know that I was Sarah Lucas what I know that you've

only got one testicle got one testicle well then you can't be Mike Dixon course

I used to play tennis with Barry the whole time you must be thinking of someone else I'm not no I didn't play till it's nice

to go go-karting with Tony that's right you were there when he lost his hand all

right I admit it I'm not Tony why did you say you were that boy don't know he

sounded cool he could pee over 10 feet you then Kevin Deacon wasn't a Kevin

deacon at our school I didn't go to your school I'm just here my wife's Trio Jacobs

that's not Cleo Jacobs you know is

uncomfortable in the kitchen they say it's not masculine that real men don't cook well that's crap all men should

know how to cook and I'll tell you what else the ladies love it as a matter of

fact there's only one thing I enjoy more than making a good risotto and that's sucking a guy's

tape is rolling interview begins 14 2000

mr. Murphy first you could start by telling us about your connection to reflections night club I didn't have any

connection to it funny because according

to this forum you're one of the directors for the benefit of the tape I

am now showing the suspect to exhibit a 19 an application for a mortgage on the aforementioned property I've never seen

that before in my life instead you could

tell me about there were seats that were found in your jacket pocket earlier today for the benefit of the type I am

now showing the suspect exhibits a 20 through 27 receipts for expenses totaling two thousand four hundred and

ninety six pounds well that's a plant

mr. Murphy you're lodging these receipts were planted in your jacket

let's move on tell me do you recognize this man for the benefit the take the

suspect has identified marketing rights of 44 West Road coming I've seen mr.

Murphy let's move on what did you two talk about never did you just pause that

are you refusing to answer mr. Murphy

sit down now I can tell you a very busy

man and I'll cut straight to the chase yeah now I've got one very very simple

sorry about that mr. Murphy back to a sir would you Carter god there's no tape

in here right Murphy calm down calm down

give us the g*n back Murphy suspect is armed and becoming desperate what a

waste lunch yeah this is a magnificent piece

there must be a great source of pressure how did you come by it I inherited it

from my father actually oh really was he a collector oh yeah he had dozens well the cemetery is perfect nice lines

here but I have a sneaking suspicion

yes it's a fake saying all the new

species I discovered on my expedition the green banded caterpillar was without

a doubt the most exciting find thank you

doctor quick I'd now like to hand over to the second recipient of the 2 million

pound Darwin Award who will tell us all about his discoveries over the past year

dr. Bertrand thank you well I began my

expedition in Borneo where I was lucky enough to discover a number of new species the first of which I discovered

deep in the rainforest this fascinating

Indonesian tree frog spends most of its time in the jungle canopy sometimes hundreds of feet above the ground I have

named it Frogger Nova yes I can't help but notice its

similarity to the common toad yes when observed the Frog Innova actually

disguises itself as the common toad in order to avoid detection by scientists

moving on I discovered the next species after a painstaking search through the

deserts of Mongolia the ruthless Maximus is a savage predator hunting alone and

eating mice and granted it may look like

a normal dog but there is one key difference what's that you can talk

languages we gave you two million pounds

did you even go to Mungo yes of course I did

I didn't really good it's a golden

peewit but they were extinct

the last recorded sighting was over a hundred years ago this is the most exciting discovery I've ever seen

quickly we must inform the press you can

ensure that your grant will be doubled next year it's a good thing I didn't

show them the next one

Glynnis on cars affordable payments and better car care at JD by Ryder you're

good to go for life

to an antigen and watch this movie now with movies on demand

Neil stock such a thing as a veg badger

and what a veg bad job it's a medium-sized mammal which nests inside woman's front bottoms weaving

itself an elaborate protective canopy out of mouth hair no I'm sorry mate this

is a shoe shop huh shoe shop yeah hmm how about a pool

rooster we got here a shoes I'm afraid

nor weasel oh no Quinn we just sell shoes are you saying you don't have so

much as an a**l lemming knocking about down there Tommy you don't have so much

as one digitally inclined mammal of a small furry nature would even put on the tree muffs darling missiny stupid a shoe

shop like we just sell shoe good afternoon do you stock such a thing as a veg stock such a thing as a Badge badger

we just sell shoes

no we just sell shoes

just sell shoes

we just sell shoes