02x02 - Oregon Astray/New Guinea Pig

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

Timon! Hey, Timon!

I did it. I cut down a tree
just like a beaver does.

Timon!

Timon?

Pumbaa, tell me
for I am curious.

Why did you cut down a
tree just like a beaver does?

Because I've learned
a new philosophy...

Makuta hamaka!

Come again.

It means, "work really hard."

Work?

Just like a busy beaver.

Oh, no. Pumbaa, please,
oh, please, oh, please,

tell me you didn't get a
job building a beaver dam?

Okay, Timon. I didn't get a
job building a beaver dam.

Phew.

I got us both jobs
building a beaver dam!

No!

No. Stop. Anything but work.

And you would be?

From here on forward, you will
address me as boss, boss beaver.

The reason you will address me as
boss beaver is that I am your boss,

and I am a beaver.
Chop chop chop.

Yeah, Timon. He's the one that
learned me all about makuta hamaka.

I, uh, figured that out.

You and your friend are
now under my employ,

and together, we
will construct a barrier

to prevent the
flow of this water.

Makuta hamaka!

He's nowhere in sight.

What do you say we
take an early lunch hour,

I.e., run away and
never come back?

But, Timon, I don't want to
run away and never come back.

I want to work really hard.

Okay, okay, okay.
We'll work for one day,

one day and only one day.

That should be enough to prove to you
how backwards your new philosophy is.

Ow! Ooh! Ee! Ow! Ooh! Ahh!

Timber!

Timber!

Timber!

D'oy...

Gee, you were right
as always, Timon.

Work really is a lot of work.

It's good to have
you back, old pal.

Now, what do you say we go
for that extended lunch hour?

Go? Where do you
think you two are going?

You can't leave,
not without these.

So, this is why
people work so much?

You get this money stuff,
and money means power,

and power means more money,
and more money means more power,

and more power
means more control.

At last, I, the little
guy, will be Mr. Big,

the wealthiest, all-powerful, supreme
imperious meerkat of the world!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Uh, Timon...

Huh? What? What? What is it?

Are we gonna go for that
extended lunch hour now?

Pumbaa, are you nuts?

We gotta work really hard,
just like a busy beaver.

Boy, wasn't that a grueling, yet
profitable, day of work, huh, old pal?

Here you are, Timon.

Oh, I've been looking
for you all morning.

Oh, sorry. I woke up early,
so I came on into work.

I went ahead and cut down
the rest of the trees we need

and sorted them into piles
according to type and size.

I also polished
boss beaver's shoes.

Uh, but he doesn't
wear any shoes.

I do now. Thank you for
the new footwear, Timon.

They're quite
functional. I also want to

thank you for delivering
my kid to school,

returning my dry
cleaning, and researching

my family tree
back 17 generations.

Ha ha. Oh, it was nothing.

That is, nothing a big, fat promotion
wouldn't be a suitable reward for.

And that is exactly
why I am promoting you

to supervising, senior chief
executive, governing guides assistant.

Don't you think you're taking
this makuta hamaka philosophy

a little too seriously, Timon?

From here and forward, you will
address me as boss, boss Timon.

The reason you will address me
as boss Timon is that I am your boss,

and I am Timon.

Right.

That's five. Five trees have
been hauled to the stream.

The total now equals 5.

That's 62.62 trees have
been hauled to the stream.

The total now equals 62.

That's 121.121 trees have
been hauled to the stream.

The total now equals 121.

Say, Timon...

Uh, I mean, boss Timon...

Do you think you have
time for lunch today?

Pumbaa, I've got forest
zoning forms to fill out

and zone-forming
permits to approve

and zoning permit license form
permits to authorize in triplicate!

But you will be home in
time for dinner tonight, right?

Yeah, yeah. Sure. Of course.

Promise?

Yes, I promise I'll be home
in time for dinner tonight.

Now get back to work!

I need these invitations mailed
for the unveiling of the dam,

and I need it done now.

B-b-b-b-but, boss beaver,

I promised Pumbaa I'd
be home in time for dinner.

What's more important,

my reputation as the
world's greatest dam builder,

or your lazy friend Pumbaa?
And speaking of Pumbaa,

now that the dam is
complete, he'll have to be fired,

and that's your job.

Me... fire Pumbaa?

Now work really hard!

Pumbaa, I'm not late, am
I? Good. What's for dinner?

Grr.

Wow, it's still nice
and piping cold.

You really know how to serve
up a c*ck casserole,

and you're such an understanding friend,
and it sure is a nice night tonight,

and by the way, you're fired.

But don't worry.

Even though we're now separated
by our socioeconomic status,

we can still be friends.

No, we can't, Timon.

Huh? What do you mean?

I mean, it's time for you
to choose your philosophy.

Is it going to be makuta hamaka

or hakuna matata?

Beavers and beaverettes,

I welcome you to the inaugural
ceremonies of the new dam.

And now, the moment you
have all been waiting for,

I, boss beaver, am proud
to present the dam I built.

You built?

Ha ha ha. Uh... uh... not to point
out an incorrectness in your speech,

boss beaver, but Pumbaa
and I built this dam,

not you. Why should
you get all the credit?

Because that's the way it works with
work. By the way, you're fired, too.

You, you... you're the one
that did this, you and that pig.

You're the ones that
built that crummy dam.

Yeah. Too bad you
took all the credit.

Now nobody's never, ever, never
going to hire you to build a dam,

never, ever, never again.

Oh, no, you're right.
What am I gonna do?

I've got to work.
Somebody's got to hire me.

Great to have you back, Timon.

Ahh. Great to be back, Pumbaa.

May I get you anything
else, master Timon?

No, no, no, no, no.
From here and forward,

you will address me as
hakuna matata Timon.

And do you know why?

Oh, I know. I know.
Because your name is Timon,

and you believe
in... Hakuna matata!

Dang these tusks.

Yum!

Aah!

Dang these tusks.

Yaaa ha ha ha, boy!

Hakuna matata!

Oh, dang these tusks.

Come on, Pumbaa, cheer up.

Look, those gigantic,
upside down, big,

ugly teeth jutting out of the
sides of your mouth aren't that bad.

Why, I even wish I had tusks.

You do?

Sure.

Eeh!

Uh, well, uh, actually,
now that I think about it,

you couldn't pay me to
have a pair of those things.

Ohh!

But my point is, your tusks are an
important part of what makes you you,

and you should be
happy just the way you are.

Oh, gee, Timon, that sure
is a wise piece of advice,

much wiser than what my
brain was thinking and all.

And what was
your brain thinking?

That I could trade my
tusks to some local natives

and get something really
neat and big and expensive.

Yessiree, my native chums,

not only is Pumbaa
here the original owner,

not only does he brush
after each and every meal,

but this kind and spirited warthog
only used these tusks on sundays

to help little, old lady
bugs cross the street.

But, Timon, then I
ate the lady bugs.

Eep-Kay iling-smay.

- Ooga ooga. Be good paperweight.
- Very interesting.

Wait! Don't make an offer yet.

These genuine warthog tusks
have 101 other time-saving uses.

You can... shish kebab...

Hold ice cream cones...

Hang your hats...

Make Swiss cheese...

Even open cans.

Perfectly preserved.

There you have it,
friends, Pumbaa's tusks.

And, for the right
price, they can be yours.

We will give 'em hoof buffer.

Yay! A hoof buffer.

Eh! What are we going
to do with a hoof buffer?

Next.

Wow! A lifetime supply of
stink-no-more air freshener!

What do we need air
freshener for? Next!

Oh, boy! A solid
gold statue of me,

encrusted with diamonds,
rubies, and emeralds.

What are we going to
do with a statue of you?

You got yourself a deal.

If you don't mind, could you
engrave on the bottom here...

Timon Berkowitz,
the brains of the outfit.

Thanks. We'll be back
first thing in the morning

to pick it up and give you
Pumbaa's tusks. Good-bye.

You know what, Timon?

What's that, Pumbaa?

I was just realizing

this is the last time I'll
ever walk home this way...

With my tusks,

and this is the last time I'll pass
that patch of flowers with my tusks,

and this is the last time I'll pass
that tree stump with my tusks,

and this is the last time

I'll walk past that rock in the shape
of Abraham Lincoln with my tusks.

Eeehhhh!

You know, that was the last time

I'll ever eat c*ck
casserole Parmesan...

With my tusks.

And this is the last time

we'll be looking at my photo
album of my tusks with my tusks.

And... and... and...
and this is the last time

you'll ever brush my tusks.

And this is the last time

I'll go to bed wearing my
tusk cozies on my tusks.

Pumbaa, would you please
stop talking about your tusks?

Oh, sorry.

- Goodnight.
- Good... night.

That was the last time I'll get to
say goodnight to you with my tusks.

Ohh, eeh!

Tusks, tusks,
tusks, tusks, tusks.

Tusks, tusks, tusks,
tusks, tusks, tusks.

Tusks, tusks,
tusks, tusks, tusks.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome back to the Mr. Tusks
of the universe pageant.

And now, here's
your host... Timon!

Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

May I have the envelope, please?

And the winner of this year's
Mr. Tusks of the universe pageant is...

Pumbaa!

Yay! You like me!
You really like me!

Uh-oh! Say, these are fakes.

Hey, everybody, the
pig's wearing falsies!

He probably traded his real
ones to a bunch of natives.

Oh, oh, my sides!

Aah!

Eh, Pumbaa, are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, uh,
I'm okay, I'm okay.

You're not having
nightmarish second thoughts

about getting rid of
your tusks, are you?

Well, uh...

Good, because first
thing tomorrow morning

we're trading them in for
the engraved statue of me.

And you know, once you
get something engraved,

you can never return it,
so there's no backing out.

Now, go back to sleep.

Ohh!

Perfect! A true masterpiece.

Exactly what we always wanted.

Now, off with the tusks, Pumbaa.

Uh, but, Timon,
pal, uh, I think, uh...

Pumbaa, the nice
natives are waiting.

Now, unscrew those tusks.

Well, uh, okay, I'll try.

Timon, uh, like I
was trying to tell you.

I think maybe my tusk bones are
permanently attached to my head bone.

But if they're
permanently attached,

then how are these nice
gentlemen supposed to get them?

Looks to me like
they're going to catch me,

uh, make me dead,
then cut them off.

Run!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah... ohh! Whoo-haw!
Hee hee! Yaaaa!

Whooo!

Pumbaa, help!

Get me down!

But how, Timon, how?

I don't know. If only we
had some sort of pointy thing

we could use to pry
the spear out of the tree.

Ooh! Ooh! How about my tusks?

We got to stop 'em, Timon.

Isn't there something in our
suitcase we can use to stop 'em?

All we have is this...

Our souvenir antarctic ice cube.

Oh, if only we had
a sharp thingamajig

we could use to carve it
into a distracting shape.

Ooh! Ooh! How about my tusks?

Those natives
just don't give up.

Hey, maybe we can hide inside
this fancy-schmancy restaurant.

Yeah, what's to stop them
from following us inside?

Ooh, how about my tusks?

Let's go, go, go, go!

Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

Ah, you know, I've had it up
to here with the tusk business.

Yeah. These "being native"
weekends are no fun anymore.

Let's get back
to the university.

Mmm!

You know, you were
right after all, Timon.

My tusks really are an important
part of what makes me me.

Oy! Now if we could
just do something about

some of the other
parts that make you you.

Sorry.