01x08 - The Word Processor of the Gods

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

RADIO ANNOUNCER:
Let's go right to our calls,

and, uh, Mary.

Hello, you're on the air
with Barry. Talk to me.

MARY [on radio]:
Hello?

Hello?
Hi, I really like your show.

Oh, you have a lovely voice.

Oh, thank you.

I-I thought I'd call in.
I have this problem...

[turns radio off,
knocking at door]

[knocking continues]

Thanks for helping me,
Mr. Nordhoff.

Just put it anywhere.

[grunts]

And there's
two more,

but they're small.

LINA:
Junk.

I'll get Seth
to help us. Seth!

Don't bother him now.
He's practicing.

[electric guitar playing loudly]
Seth!

Seth, can you help me
for a minute?

Later!

[continues playing]

I'll get it myself.

Can we, uh, offer you something,
Mr. Nordhoff?

Well, a glass of water
if it's not too much trouble.

Honey?

[guitar playing continues]

[door opens]

What's in those boxes anyway?

Oh, what do you call it?
A computer.

Uh, no. I mean, a...
a word processor.

Mr. Hagstrom's nephew
made it just before...

Right.

Whole family dies...

No relatives except us,
and we're not getting one penny.

Richard's brother was
a total layabout.

No insurance at all.

No, we had to borrow money
to pay for the funeral.

You know what a triple burial
costs these days?

It was a terrible tragedy.

Oh, his brother
was a drunk.

Thank God Richard didn't have
any more relatives.

Jonathan was a good boy.

I think he was one
of the best boys I ever met.

Hmm, a lot of
good it did him

when his old man drove his van
right off the cliff.

He told me
he was fixing up

this word processor
for Mr. Hagstrom.

It's funny.

It was...

sort of like he went
out of his way to tell me that.

Like he knew something
was gonna happen to him.

And he wanted to make
sure Mr. Hagstrom got it.

Right.

So...

He's got a word
processor now, huh?

[groans]

Oh, wait till you see.

Tomorrow he is going
to write a story

that's gonna win
the Pulitzer.

[sighs]

I'm the only one's
gonna make this family rich,

because I do something
constructive with my evenings.

I play Bingo.

And I win.

[guitar playing continues
in other room]

I'm very sorry
about your brother's family.

They were
good neighbors.

My brother was a good neighbor?

Well, your brother's wife
and your brother's son.

My wife and I
thought the world of them.

Your brother...

I know what my brother was like.

He never did a terrible thing
in this life

that he didn't try out
on me first.

Of course he
never got drunk

and ran me
off a cliff.

It's always the wrong people
who die, Mr. Hagstrom.

Oh, yeah.

You're an author?

Oh, I had a book published.

That's what I call an author.

People didn't buy it in droves.

It got two reviews,
both were bad.

I'm working
on another.

Well, good luck with it.

Thank you.

I do articles
and things.

Always wanted
a word processor.

They're so expensive.

Jonathan put this together,
himself, didn't he?

You don't suppose it works,
do you?

Well...

Jon was what, 14?

Just turned 15.

I guess he used
everything he could

get his hands on.

Told me it cost him
a total of $30.

Oh, then it
can't possibly work.

I wouldn't bet on that
till you try it.

The kid was damn near
an electrical genius.

Did you know that?

Well, I knew he was
good with gadgets.

He won the state science fair
when he was in sixth grade,

and that was
against seniors.

There was a kid
back in the '50s who made

an atom smasher
out of two soup cans

and about five dollars
of electrical equipment.

"Atom smasher," is that
what they're called?

I guess.

Physics was never
my strong point.

And I knew a kid
who made a pipe b*mb

out of the celluloid
he scraped off the backs

of a deck playing cards.

Blew up the neighbor's
doghouse.

[laughs]

Ah, kids are
funny sometimes...

the super smart ones
in particular.

You might
be surprised.

Maybe.

Maybe I will be.

He was a fine boy.

You loved him a lot,
didn't you?

Mr. Hagstrom...

I loved him a lot.

Wouldn't surprise me
if it worked.

It wouldn't
surprise me at all.

[loud electric guitar playing]

Seth! Will you turn it down?!

I'm trying to do
some work down here.

[loud guitar playing continues]

Seth!
Where's your mother?

SETH:
B-19. Bingo!

"Bingo."

[flips switch]

"Place diskette in drive."

Diskette.

[clicks, whirs]

"Press EXECUTE."

[computer chiming]

[printer whirring]

[two beeps]
My God, it's today.

[sighs]:
Oh, Johnny.

What did
you think you were doing?

JONATHAN:
Uncle Richard...

You always said
you wanted one.

Well, I do want one.

They say a writer
can increase his output

by 50 percent
with a word processor.

Well, then, maybe I'll
build you one sometime.

Well, you fixed
this thing.

Sort of.

That typewriter's got
a vibration on it

that would measure
on the Richter scale.

It's gonna go for good
sometime soon.

I can feel that
sort of thing

when I'm working
on a machine.

Well, you'd better get
going on my word processor.

Yeah.

I don't have much time.

No, Johnny...

I guess you didn't
have much time.

[clock ticking]

[sighs]

Okay, let's see what you can do.
[beeps]

[sighs]

[typing]
My brother

was a worthless drunk.

[continues typing]

...the woman I loved.

[inhales sharply]

My wife's picture

is on the bookcase
in my study.

[computer buzzing]

[printer whirring, three beeps]
"Done."

My wife's picture

is on the bookcase...

where it was before.

[computer buzzing]

[printer whirring, two beeps]

[sighs]

[typing]

12 Spanish...

...doubloons

in a small sack.

[buzzing]

[printer whirring]

[three beeps]

[grunting]

♪ ♪

64 ounces.

Uh...

not the sports.

Not the obits.

Mini market.

Gold...

in the Zurich market today
was $395.

$24,280.

[phone rings]

Uh, Seth, would you get that?

SETH:
Later.

24,280.
[laughs]

[ringing continues]

Hello.

Mr. Hagstrom.

This is Tom Nordhoff.

I called to find out
if the machine worked.

Yes, it works, Mr. Nordhoff.

It works in ways
you wouldn't believe.

[laughs]

I might.

Jon was a very bright boy.

But a boy is only a boy,

bright or otherwise,

and love can be misdirected.

Do, do you take my meaning?

Uh, Mr. Nordhoff,
could you come over?

Tonight, now?

No, I don't think
I want to do that.

I think this

ought to stay between you
and Jon.

And for God's sakes,

be careful.

[line disconnects]

[electric guitar playing]
[sotto voce]:
All the things I ever wanted.

Seth!

[flips switch]

[electric guitar playing]

It is a
happy birthday, Jonathan.

You bet your sweet life it is.

[bell rings]
I'm sorry,

I didn't mean that.

[sighs]

I have ideas...

...for ten...

...best-selling

novels.

What the hell.

Twenty.

[guitar stops playing]
SETH:
Bingo!

Seth! Damn it,

you blew the fuses again!

Damn it.

[printer whirring]

[sighing]:
I almost had it.

[grunting in frustration]

[electric guitar
resumes playing in other room]

[sighs]

[guitar playing intensifies]

[typing]

My son is Seth
Robert Hagstrom.

[mechanical humming]

[printer whirring]

[buzzing]

[printer whirring]

[three beeps]

[guitar stops playing]

[clock ticking]

Seth!

RICHARD:
He's gone.

And he's taken all
his junk with him.

Vanished.

Deleted.

[car horn honking]

Lina's home.

[car door slamming]

[door hinges creaking]

[crying]:
You... m*rder*r.

You k*lled my boy!

No, I didn't.

You never
loved him!

You never loved me.

You wanted to
marry Belinda,

but Belinda was
just so beautiful,

you couldn't, bring
yourself to, to
propose to her.

So your brother proposed to her
instead.

You wimp.

Then Belinda gives
birth to Jonathan.

And you loved Jonathan better

than you loved your own son.

No, I loved him because
he was a fine, fine boy,

and my son was a creep!

So you m*rder*d him.

I didn't m*rder him!

I deleted him.

[doorbell chiming]

What are you staring at?

That's the biggest
turkey I ever saw.

It was the Thanksgiving
Bingo.

We had it this week,
instead of next week.

Father Phillips has
to go in a hospital,

have his gall bladder out.

And I won the coverall.

Lina,

were you ever sorry
we never had any children?

What in the name of God
would I do with a rug rat?

Any peanut butter
cups left?

I don't know.

Oh, here they are.

Ooh.

You look dazed.

What's wrong?

I don't know.

Uh, I'm gonna
go upstairs.

You coming?
Uh...

Or are you going
back downstairs

to moon over your new toy?

Well, I'll be up
in a little while.

Does that gadget work?

No, not really.

But it was nice of
Jon to think of me.

Funny it came today--

it's my birthday today.

Well, if you make a wish,

wish for some damn money,

will ya?

[chuckles]

[computer whirs]

I haven't got much time.

[typing]

My wife is Adelina...

...Mabel Warren Hagstrom...."

LINA:
Well, if you're gonna
make a wish,

wish for some damn money,
will ya?

Deleted.

[printer whirring]

I am a man who lives alone...

[flames crackling,
printer whirring]

...except for my beloved wife

Belinda...

and my wonderful son Jonathan.

[printer whirring]

Execute,

damn it! Execute!

I am a man who lives alone,

except for my beloved wife
Belinda

and my wonderful son Jonathan.

[electrical crackling
and popping]

[rapid, sustained beeping]

JONATHAN:
Dad.

Jon?

Who else would it be?

You didn't hurt yourself

when that baby went
to data heaven, did you?

No.

No, I'm fine.

Great.

I don't know
what ever possessed me

to use all these cruddy parts.

Honest to God,
I don't.

It's like I had to.

Kids' stuff.

Well, you'll do better
next time, maybe.

Mom, said that she had cocoa,
if you wanted it.

I do.

I'll cannibalize anything
worth cannibalizing

out of all this stuff

and take it to the
dump tomorrow.

Delete it from
our lives.

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there,

waiting for us to enter,

waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.