01x15 - Answer Me

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

[phone ringing]

Oh... damn.

[phone continues ringing]

Where am I?

Oh.

Right.
[phone continues ringing]

Ow!

Ow.

[phone continues ringing]

Hello?

[phone continues ringing]

Geez, thin walls.

So why didn't Lucy tell me
her apartment had thin walls?

"Never take a $600 apartment
with thin walls,"

my grandmother
always used to say.

That woman was full
of good advice.

I should have listened to her.

Will you answer the phone
in there?

[phone continues ringing]

Jet lag and thin walls.

Great combination.

And only $600 a month
plus airfare.

What more could
a commercial actress

with a 9:00 audition ask for?

[screaming]

[phone stops ringing]

Thank you.

[phone ringing]

Oh, no.

5:00.

I'm obviously living
next door to vampires.

Sleep all day and talk
to their friends in Transylvania

all night long on the telephone.

[sighs]

It's 2:00 a.m. in Los Angeles.

In Los Angeles, I probably
haven't even gone to bed yet.

In Los Angeles, they have smog,

mass murderers, mudslides.

But they build their walls thick
out there.

I have to say that for them.

[phone stops ringing]

[sighs]

[thumping]

[gasps]

Great.

The vampires
are obviously trying

to break through the wall,

[phone ringing]
the very thin wall
of my $600 sublet.

A party.

They must be having a party.

No.

Then, somebody
would answer the phone.

Well, evidently, something
has got to be done.

[phone continues ringing]

Hey!

Insomniacs in 12F,

people are trying
to sleep around here.

[phone rings, then stops]

Thanks.

Chalk one up to the good guys.

[sighs]

Joan Matlin,
you will fall back to sleep

and wake up
in the morning fresh.

You will forget all the bumps

and ringing that happened
in the night.

You will, you will, you will!

[thumping]

[gasps]

This young woman
looks incredibly talented.

I think we'll use her.

Oh, you say she played
the third bride

in Dracula's Harem?

Sure, I remember that.

She was fabulous-- hire her.
[phone ringing loudly]

Oh, terrific.

The telephone
in the next apartment evidently

has a volume control
which has just been turned up.

[phone continues ringing]

Hello?

Oh, hello, Lucy.

Oh, great, fine, fabulous.

I've discovered the way
to deal with jet lag

is just not to get
any sleep at all,

which is very easy
in your apartment,

considering your neighbors.

The ones who put the telephone
right up against the wall

so that when it rings,
the bell feels

as if it's been implanted
in my brain.

The ones who have friends
who call at 3:00 a.m.

and let it ring 67 times

just to make absolutely certain
there's nobody there.

The ones who every now and then
throw something heavy

up against the wall
to reassure me they're alive.

Those neighbors.

Now, listen Lucy, you know
how I feel about noise...

Well, I don't care if there
was nobody there two days ago.

There's someone there now.

And if that telephone
goes on ringing,

I'm going to ask you
for a rebate.

Actresses with dark circles
under their eyes

have a very low employment rate.

There have been studies.

Good idea.

Give me the super's number.

If it keeps up, I'll complain.

Well, I'm complaining now.

No... the audition
did not go well.

At 9:00 a.m., I looked
as if I'd gotten 32 minutes

of sleep
in the last calendar year.

You see, they were looking
for a limey with comic timing.

They were not looking
for a limey

who could play a zombie
with no makeup.

So, no, I didn't get the job.

And you know who I blame?

I blame that...

Right.

I love you, too.

Um, I'm sorry, but I had
to complain to someone, okay?

Oh, no, everything else is fine.

I love your apartment.

No... it stopped.

Yeah... bye.

[phone ringing]

Once more.

Just try it once more.

[phone ringing]

Hello, is this Mr. Rodriguez?

Mr. Rodriguez,
this is Joan Matlin.

I am subletting 12E from Lucy...

Yes, of course you know Lucy.

Well, Mr. Rodriguez,
I'm having some problems

with the people in 12F.

[phone stops ringing]

[sighs]

Yes, well, there may not
be any people in 12F,

but there is a tele...

Hey, there must be somebody
there, because last night,

somebody kept throwing something
against the wall and...

I wish you'd...

[phone ringing]

See?

Hear that?
[phone stops ringing]

[grunts in frustration]

Yes, Mr. Rodriguez, yes.

I'll try that.

No, I believe you.

There's nobody
in that apartment.

Was there ever anybody
in that apartment?

[chuckles]

Right, an English girl.

Well, did this English girl
have a telephone, do you know?

Did she have English friends
who telephoned her repeatedly

all day long and all night long?

You wouldn't know.

I understand.

So, how long ago was it

that this English girl
moved out?

I see.

Pills?

Or a razor?

Ah.

I see.

Well, of course I'm...
I'm very sorry that she's dead,

but I wish somebody
would tell her friends

so that they
would stop calling her.

Thank you, Mr. Rodriguez.

I realize I'm only
a lowly sublet,

and I'll try to deal with this
unfortunate situation myself.

[grunts]

How do you strangle yourself
to death?

I guess there's no accounting
for English girls.

Well.

Ooh, yum, yum.

I just love cold mashed potato.

And I dote on congealed gravy.

[thumping]

[phone ringing]

That's it.

No more.

Time for violence.

[phone continues ringing]

Good evening, sir or madam.

Unplug your telephone or die.

[loud banging]

[phone ringing]

Lucy said it was empty.

Mr. Rodriguez said it was empty,
and he must know.

Therefore,
there's nobody in there.

Therefore, it doesn't matter
if I go inside or not.

[phone continues ringing]

My two years
as an apprentice housebreaker

are about to pay off.

[phone continues ringing]

A few seconds ago,

that door was locked.

It really looks as if they were
trying to break through.

Right where my bed is.

[panting]

Who was trying
to break through?

[panting]

[sniffles]

All right, now,

if there's anybody hiding
in that bathroom,

I'd like you to come out.

Am I really going to go over

and open up that bathroom door?

Am I really that stupid?

I am that stupid.

I can't believe
I'm actually doing this.

[door creaking]

Oh.

Now, where the hell
is that damn telephone?

[gasps]

Obviously,
the wind blew it closed.

Wind blowing
through closed windows?

[sighs]

Aha!

Hiding from me.

I knew it.

Hello. Hello.

This is Joan Matlin,
the occupant of 12E speaking.

I should like to inform
all interested parties

that the occupant
of 12F is dead.

She strangled herself,

and she is no longer
accepting calls.

WOMAN:
Operator.

May I help you?

May I help you, please? Hello?

Yes, you can help me.

I should like to have
this telephone disconnected.

Please call the business office
tomorrow anytime after 8:00 a.m.

What exchange are you?

What?

What number
are you calling from?

Then I'll be able to tell you
which branch office

you should call to have
your telephone disconnected.

Well, I-I don't know
the number.

It isn't on the telephone.

You don't know
your own telephone number?

It isn't my telephone.

If it's not your telephone, then
you can't order it disconnected.

Look, it's a telephone
in an empty apartment,

and it rings all day long
and all night long,

and it's about
to drive me crazy!

We cannot disconnect a telephone

except at the request
of the person.

She's dead.

How did she die?

She committed suicide.

Probably because she was trying
to deal with the phone company.

Look, what number
am I calling from?

You should be able...

Pills... or a razor?

Or did she strangle herself

with the telephone cord?

Who do I know in the city?

I must know somebody
in New York.

Beth.

Beth used to be my best friend

until I stopped calling her.

Beth's number.

What's Beth's number?

Right!

11-68.

[line ringing]

Please let Beth be in.

WOMAN:
Hello.
Beth?

Beth can't come
to the telephone, Joan.

Who is this?

Beth had an accident.

How do you know my name?

What kind of accident?

It wasn't a pill.

It wasn't a razor.

You-You... You're the operator.

I just spoke to you.

She strangled herself.

[gasps]

411.

What could be plainer?

[line ringing]

WOMAN:
Directory assistance?

Oh!

May I help you?

You get around, don't you?

May I help you?

Yes.

I'd like the number

for the Office of Emergency
Telephone Disconnections.

I'm sorry.
I don't have any listing for...

Then get me the number
for the police!

Canine Operations?

Of course not!

Equine Division?

Anti-t*rror1st Tactical Force?

FBI liaison?
Recovered Property?

[groans]

[panting]

Oh.

[loud thud]

[gasps]

[phone ringing, thud]

What the hell am I doing?

[thud]

Do I really want to know
what's going on in there?

[sporadic thudding continues]

Is all this really worth
my sanity?

I could have spent
these three months

doing summer stock
in Salt Lake City.

Lucy said the Mormons
treat actors like royalty.

[loud thud, Joan gasps]

What common household object

could I use
to beat someone to death with?

[whimpers]

Beat some thing to death with.

[thudding]
Ha!

[loud thud, Joan gasps]

[phone ringing]

I'll use my bare hands.

[knocking from inside]

[whimpers]

[phone continues ringing]

Don't be open.

Don't be unlocked.

Door, don't open.

Please, don't open.

[gasps]

Huh.

I knew it would open.

Just as it was when I left it.

Good. Good.

[gasps]

This wasn't here before.

[squeaking]

[gasps]

[squeaking, gasps]

[gasps]

[phone ringing]
Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Aah!

[phone ringing]

[sighs]

That's it. No more.

Pick up my toys and go home.

[sighs]

[busy signal]
Be open.

Please open.

Come on.

[busy signal]

[phone ringing]

[busy signal and phone ringing,
Joan gasps]

[whimpering]

[groaning]

[phone ringing
and busy signal]

[choking]

[groaning]

[rapid ringing
and busy signal]

[grunts and choking]

[phone bell dinging]

[ringing]

[two phones ringing]

[ringing continues]

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.