01x07 - Bride of Pretorius

[bunniefuu]

♪ I've got ya
with my winnin' smile ♪

♪ I'm a livin' lesson
in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help
but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ And I'm Nouveau Deco
Roman Greco Rococo Boroco ♪

♪ Be Bop hip-hop
flip-flop ♪

♪ Somebody stop me ♪

♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪

♪ Don't come
a dime a dozen ♪

♪ I stand out
in the crowd ♪

♪ Babe when
they made me ♪

♪ Yeah they broke
the mold ♪

♪ Wholesome and kind
staid and refined ♪

♪ Totally out
of my mind ♪

♪ Arch villians
and ne'er do wells ♪

♪ Had better learn
to decorate prison cells ♪

♪ Green goes with anything
if they ask see ♪

♪ Well there's one last thing
I gotta sing about ♪

♪ Open up wide
and really shout ♪

♪ Ohh look out ♪

♪ This is The Mask ♪

♪ Smo-okin' ♪♪

[thinking]
You can do it, Stanley Ipkiss.

You can get your own dates.

- Care to..
- Dance?

Uh, delighted.

Pretorius.

Health and genetic makeup..

...excellent.

Are you some kind of doctor?

beep beep

Brain stem,
larger than average.

You'll do.

Ah!

Oh, no.

Must use The Mask
for good, after all.

tush

whoosh whoosh

Ah, do you come here often?

I have never been here.

But then, I've never sought a
bride before.

His head. It's gone!

woink

Much better.

bam thud

crack crack

thud

[crowd screaming]

We'll be safe at my place.

I calculated the probability
that you might be here tonight.

To interfere with my plan.

So, I came prepared
to remove your mask.

Defense.

trr

grr grr

Ha ha ha.

Ugh.

Mental note.

I'm not a crook.

[dramatic music]

Oh, my gosh.

Psych. Ha ha ha.

Oh, somebody stop me.

O-oh, ha ha ha.

trr

pop

boom

Smokin'.

Mental note.

Construct new robot body.

instrumental music]

Mask, your powers are bizarre,
unpredictable

and beyond the realm of science.

And if you were a woman,
I would marry you.

vroom

Yaah!
Agh!

[Stanley]
'Another night at the Coco-Bongo
without meeting anyone.'

Haven't been on a date
in three years?

Your only companion a dog?

Call Desperate Loners
Video Dating Service.

No, no, I'm not that desperate.

The comet Sebo will pass within


becoming visible
to star gazers everywhere.

Let's take a look, Milo.

This is a once
in a life time experience.

I wish I had someone special
to watch it with.

[whimpering]

[Pretorius]
'It approaches.'

And with it the realization
of my scheme.

But first there is a detail
yet to be worked out.

I'm still in search of..

...the perfect bride.

[automated voice]

[female #1]
'Haven't been on a date
for three years?'

Call The Desperate Loners
Video Dating service.

[Stanley]
'Well, I'm picky, Charlie.'

I won't go out with
just anyone, like you.

Excuse me, I'm very picky.

I only go out with
good-looking blondes.

Well, my perfect woman is
someone soft spoken.

'You know, someone who doesn't
need to dress fancy.'

'Who likes to stay home and
read.'

If she's
socially inept or awkward

hey, that's okay.

[screaming]

Ha ha ha.
Gave me a little jolt, there.

Umm, agh.

Is this new accounts?

I'm sorry,
I didn't quite hear you.

[clears throat]

Is this new accounts?

Cause I would like to open
an account for my dog.

For your...dog?

Uh-huh.

Esmeralda.

Oh, oh, she is cute.

Well, she is very, very shy.

Ha ha ha, I see.

Oh, you like comets?

Ha, 'cause I like comets too.
Ow!

Ha ha ha, oh,
she's wild about you, my man.

Really?
How can you tell, Charlie?

I can't make out a word.

[Charlie]
'Oh, come on, I got a sixth
sense about these things.'

She's a caged animal
waiting to escape.

She'll eat you alive.

[indistinct chattering]

Hi.

Listen, uh, wou-wou-would you be
interested in watching

the co-co-comets, you know.

'Cause I've got
this great telescope and I..

[mumbling]

Uh, I'm, was that a yes?

[man on TV]
'We now return to Friday night
co-ed mud wrestling.'

Milo, Milo, Milo,
my little buddy.

Could you make yourself
scarce tonight?

Because I have got a date.

Evelyn.

Get down, get down, get down.

swish swish swish

brrh brrh

[instrumental music]

Nah!

I almost got it.

thump thump

Gotta be her.

sniff sniff

- Hi.
- Hi.

Come on in.

This is nice.

Oh, you've brought your dog.

- Mm-hmm.
- Have a seat.

I'll be right back.

Milo, do it for me.
Just for a while?

I promise.
I'll buy you a steak, please?

Here we go.
Look, Milo. It's Esmeralda.

grr

[whimpering]

slurp slurp

[instrumental music]

Ha! Dogs.

Nature's little clowns.

Pork rinds?

[instrumental music]

Right.
Entertain her.

Ha ha ha. You know what really
cracks me up?

This.

Aah! Ha ha ha.

[dramatic music]

I don't get it, Milo.
The face always gets a laugh.

I just can't tell
if she likes me.

Hey, maybe I should talk about
her dog more.

[whimpering]

Sorry, I didn't mean
to rub it in.

Enough dilly-dallying.

I asked her here
for one reason.

A moment like this comes
once in a life time.

It would be foolish to
just let it pass by.

Umm!

Oh, no.
I meant the comet.

Please. Yup. Comets.

You know, Evelyn,
they are so far away.

- And yet..
- So close.

Well...yeah.

Um, Oh, God.

Um, uh, I have to go.

[Stanley]
'No, wait, Evelyn,
that's the closet.'

crash thud

[instrumental music]

[Evelyn]
'I can't see.
without my glasses.'

Evelyn, no!

whoosh whoosh

whoosh whoosh

Hi there, sugar.

[instrumental music]

[male narrator]
And now these messages.

And now back to show.

[instrumental music]

[howling]

[whistling]

[whimpering]

arf woof

[panting]

arf woof

- Evelyn.
- Call me, Eve.

It's more how you say,
je ne sais quoi.

Oh, Stanley,
when I look at you

I see vital organs
and my head aches.

In a good way.

We were meant for each other.

You love pork rinds.
I love pork rinds.

slurp
slurp

Oh, those faces you make.

Aah! He he he.

She thinks I'm
screw ball rabbit.

Screw ball rabbit?

[screaming]

You're hurtin' my back.

Ha ha, and you're
makin' me sweat.

Kiss me.

mwah
mwah

[whimpering]

I guess she likes me after all.

And then he dumped me.

And that's why I became..

...a cow girl.

[Pretorius]
'The comet Seba nears its
closest proximity to the Earth.'

I am running
out of time.

Well, I've been talkin'
about myself all night.

I wanna know more about you.

Well, I have developed
a new tissue rejuvenation serum.

swish

[dramatic music]

Help me.

What do you think?

Ugh!

He's...kinda cute.

Then you'll do.

vroom

screech

[instrumental music]

What's with this crown
in your pretzels

achy-breaky
cowboy clammer?

Let's swing!

Female mask.
She's perfect.

[instrumental music]

thud

[music continues]

Where ya goin'?

I was just gonna go
to the men's..

Oh, yeah.
Ha, cha cha cha.

thud

Oh.

They are really good,
aren't they, darlin'?

Darlin'?

[instrumental music]

[Evelyn]
Aw, you shiverin',
slender thing.

Ah, uh, I-I-I'm frozen in fear.

I'll heat you up.

Oh, should I remove The Mask?

Eve, really loves me.
But what if Evelyn doesn't?

But the mask
must be used for good.

It's good
that she loves me.

But she's got
a big green head.

What would
our children look like?

Mask has got to go!

How about that?
The stars are far away.

Yet so very, very close.

Yeah, so close.

Say it in French.

[screaming]

Get off my spleen.

S'il vous plait.

Huh?

[dramatic music]

Eve, behind you.

mwah mwah mwah

Oh, feisty rabbit.

[whirring]

At last. My perfect bride.

The future belongs to me.

Stanley-y-y!

[instrumental music]

We'll be right back.

[instrumental music]

And now, back to the show.

The comet quickly approaches
it's closest proximity to Earth.

Yes, siree, space not it's gonna
be one cosmic spectacle.

The moment I saw you doing
that new-fangled jitterbug dance

I knew we were destined
to spend eternity together.

Forgive me for encasing you in
the titanium based cylinder.

But it was necessary to contain
your mask super powers.

He thinks I'm Eve.

Ha, I hope he likes surprises.

click

whirr swish whirr

[Pretorius]
'This laser cannon will divert
the Comet Seba from its course'

to a direct collision
with Edge City.

'When the comet
strikes earth..'

'...it will destroy
all human life.'

'Just like the dinosaurs.'

That is except for you and me,
when we retreat to my

underground stronghold.

Ironic name, Eve.

Considering we shall be
the Adam and Eve

of a new super-human race.

Born of my brilliant intellect
and your mask powers.

Sure.

Except I don't have
any mask powers at the moment.

And you are psychotic.

Ow!

But first, I must
remove your head.

'So we're more
physically compatible.

Let me out of here.
Let me out of here.

boom

Get away from my
screw ball rabbit.

You're not Eve.

Eve, be mine and we shall
rule the Earth together.

Dream on, zippy.

I love Stanley Ipkiss.

Eve, uh, Eve,
those things never work.

bang

[Eve]
'Bulls eye.'

bang

[singing]

♪ Clinch the bad guys ♪

♪ Slice the bad guy ♪

♪ Chop the bad guy ♪

♪ Dice them all ♪♪

Ah!

clank

Eve, will you
watch it with that thing?

p-taff

zap zap zap

It's not just a laser.
It's mortar cannon.

bang

boom

Eve.

[dramatic music]

soing

[grunting]

I shall be forced to use more
drastic methods of persuasion.

Eve, will you marry me?

You can't.

clank clank

Miss me?

We will continue
this spat, momentarily.

It's time to put
the next big bang into motion.

[Eve]
'Alone, at last.'

No, stop him!

thud bam

beep beep

zap

zap

[female news reporter]
'We interrupt this broadcast
for a special news bulletin'

The comet Seba
has just gone off course

and it's due to destroy
earth in five minutes.

[news reporter]
'We now return to part one
of w*r and Peace.'

Eve, you've got to use your
super powers to stop that comet.

Say it in French.

[grunting]

[dramatic music]

Oh, ah, ah.

Goodbye, Eve.

It's up to you, now.

swoosh

[indisting singing]

Halt!

Good thing I'm inperious
to pain.

Hmm, how to stop a speeding
comet from destroying the Earth?

I'm stumped. Might as well go
home and prepare the inevitable.

[instrumental music]

woof woof

woof woof

whoosh whoosh

Ah, I always wanted
to read these.

That was good. That was good.
That was good.

My last meal.

gulp

[burping]

Charlie, you can keep
your lousy promotion.

I always wanted to say that.

One minute left.

I gotta go out lookin' sharp.

swish swish

click click

[humming]

You know, I've been meaning
to get that fixed.

That's it.

thump clank

whoosh whoosh

screech

whoosh whoosh

crash clank

clatter clatter

Yep, that ought
to do it.

Oops.

[dramatic music]

boom

Solid.

Oh, you again.

I constructed a new
improved robot body.

Equipped with lard bucket.

glug glug glug

trr

And now,
I shall destroy you, Mr. Ipkiss.

For foiling my brilliant plan.

[Evelyn]
'Freeze, low life.'

I'm sorry,
what was that?

[clears throat]

I said...freeze, low life!

You just get away
from the man that I love!

Aren't we the bold one?

Evelyn, you said,
you love me.

That's right!
I guess I did.

Now you can say...farewell.

zap zap

boom

clank clank

[Pretorius]
'Mental note,
don't make threats'

'with a mortar launcher
trained on you.'

clank clank

Oh, Stanley.
How did we get here?

Gee, I don't know.

[Stanley]
'Ha ha ha, you know,
Eve, Eve, Eve, Eve.'

We have everything in common.
I mean, comets and pork rinds.

And making funny faces.

He he he.

- Too bad I wanna k*ll your dog.
- Hey, likewise.

What?

Excuse the heck out of me
but at least Milo knows

not to do his doody
on my comic book collection.

Well, maybe Esmeralda wouldn't
have had to doody

if your dog didn't
make her so nervous.

There is only one thing to do.

We don't have much choice.

I'm glad I have someone special
to watch the comet with.