07x03 - Meat Cute

[bunniefuu]

[SIGHS] Nothing clears
the cobwebs

like a nice cup of
Spurbucks in the...
[GASPS]

Spurbucks is out of business?

Don't tell me I'm gonna have
to drink water today.

Oh, I was gonna treat.

Were you?Prove me wrong.

I know.

I'm gonna miss
my daily double shot,

light foam,
goat milk,

three pumps,
vanilla poured,
not shaking latte.

But I'm not gonna miss
seeing it get all up
in your beard.

Is anyone gonna
reopen Spurbucks?

Nope. But, the town
is accepting pitches

for what takes over the space.

Three of us are
gonna decide
the winning idea.

It's like our own
reality competition show,

and we're calling it,
wait for it...

It's gonna have
tush in it.

Tush Tank.

There it is.

ALL: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

It's nice for Mom let's
you play video games
again, you know,

so you don't have to
hide in the dumpster.

[CHIMES]

Aw! No, you have better aim.

Are you playing with someone?

Maybe.

"Cleo, there's no one
in the world

"I would rather
firebomb a Snarlac hive with."

Ooh, Jake, do you
like-like this girl?

Duh! I dropped my Snarlac
line on her.

That's my go-to move, bro.

I guess there is
a lid for every pot.

And you know what?
I talked her into coming
to our camp this summer,

so she's here.

I can't wait
to meet her tomorrow.

I hope she feels
the same way about me.

Of course she will.

Where are you
gonna meet up?

I was thinking

maybe the first place
we online met.

Um,

but isn't that the dumpster?

Yeah, maybe
the mess hall's better.

Hey, Winnie, I got your note
that you wanted to see me.

Which you probably
already know

because you handed it
to me yourself.

I need a tiny favor.

Can you tell everyone
I'm dead?

Oh, and can you
bring me a soda too?

Thanks. Bye.

Why do you want people
to think you're dead?

And if you drink
any more soda,

you're gonna rocket
to the moon.

I just got invited to go
on a super fun camping trip
tomorrow night

with a bunch of girls
from my Mayhem Club.

For anarchists,
we're actually
pretty organized.

That sounds fun.
What's so bad about that?

Well...

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

This is Snuggles.

I don't have to
shake its hand, do I?

Snuggles is my oldest friend.

I've spent every night
of my life with him.

But I'm afraid
if I take him camping,

the other girls
will see him.

And?

"And?"

having a blankie
will blow up my reputation

for blowing things up!

I'm supposed to be tough.

I'm the
Mayhem Club's secretary.

I have to kick this habit.

I need you
to take Snuggles,

and don't give it back to me,
no matter what I say.

Promise?

I promise.

Oh! Fun.

[STAMMERING] It's different
than I thought it would be.

And if you need help
with your puppet habit,

I'm here.

Oh, there's no hope for me.

I'm throwing one of them
a bachelor party next week.

Oh. This is what
I love to see.

One of my counselors
hard at work

on a project to improve
our beloved camp.

Oh, this?

it isn't for the camp.

Could you at least be
kind enough to lie?

I'm working on a pitch

for the Tush Tank
competition.

I wanna start
a vegetarian
restaurant in town

using produce
from my sustainable garden.

Vegetarian, here?

In the land
that food groups forgot?

We need more
menu options in this town

than just well done, medium,
or still crying for its mama.

And I already came up
with the perfect slogan.

"Greens, no longer a crime."

In related news,

when my friends ask
where I am all summer,

I say France.

So nervous to meet Cleo.

I hope she likes me.

Of course she'll like you.
What's not to like?

I mean, you're
the only guy I know
who can pull off that shirt.

I wanted us both
to show up with a bouquet
of Ethernet cables,

that way we can
recognize each other

because we've only seen
each other's avatars.

Aw, that's adorable.

You crazy kids today
with your technology.

Bill, why are those campers
dressed all in black?

Those are goth kids
from Crow cabin.

They wear lots of black,

listen to music
that sounds like
a haunted house,

and they enjoy, well...

Nothing.

I think one of them
is a bat on the weekends.

Wow, I have zero
in common with them.

They would hate me.

Thank goodness
none of them are Cleo.

Oh, no, that's Cleo.

I've really
teed myself up
for this disappointment.

It's gonna be okay.

She likes you online.

Sure, she likes
online Jake.

But what if she
doesn't like IRL Jake?

Look at me.
I'm a living sunbeam.

Jake, it's o...This was a big mistake.

Why'd you let me wear
this insane shirt?

Hey, we agreed
this summer,

I'll let you learn
from your own mistakes.

I can't do this right now.

Tell Cleo that...

A shark ate me.

Jake, That's ridiculous.

You're right.
There are no sharks
in Wyoming.

Tell her
I flew back to Cali,

and a shark ate me

This is not how people date.

Hi, uh...
[HESITANTLY] Cleo?

I'm Bill, Jake's bunkmate.

Sorry, but he can't make it.

Really?

Yeah, uh...

it's a shark thing.

Well, like they say,
"When life gives you lemons,

"squeeze them until
all the sour, putrid juice
drowns your pain."

Do you need a hug?

Everyone,
take a deep breath in.

[INHALES AND EXHALES]

Picture yourself
in a quiet forest.

You're calm.

You're at peace. You're...

WINNIE: Noah!Under attack!

I need to see
my Snuggles.

It'll just be
for a minute,

and I'll totally
give him right back.

Sorry. No can do.

It's cool, man.

It's not
what you think.

I just need to
see him because, uh...

I never got
to say goodbye.

Okay, uh, how about
you write down

what you want to say,
and I'll make sure
he gets it?

He can't read.
He's a blanket!

You made me promise
not to give him back,
no matter what you say.

Who cares what I said?
I need my Snuggles.

I need him bad!

Come on,
just a little sniff

Okay.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

You're starting to
terrify me a little bit,

so, I'm gonna walk away,

backwards.

Finally, someone
is actually doing their job
around this camp.

So, how are you nurturing
young minds today?

This? [LAUGHS]

No, it's not
camp related.

All you had to do was say,
"This is an art class."

For Pete's sake,
lie to me, people.

The kids are mocking up
poster designs

for my entry into
the Tush Tank competition.

I want to open
a barbecue restaurant.

I know what
you're going to say,

and yes, my face
is going to be on the sign.

You're pitching
to Tush Tank?

Uh, that might not be
a good idea.

You're right.
It's not a good idea.

It's a great idea.

Ooh, brainstorm!

Meat, it's not just
for cows anymore.

Well, meat's never really...Jimmy, put it
on the poster.

Just so I'm clear,

you're not going to be doing
any actual camp work today?

Didn't you hear me say
"Ha!" earlier?

You know what
I think you should do?

I think you should tell
Destiny about your pitch.

That's a great idea.

Maybe she'll want to invest.
I can't wait to hear
what she thinks.

[CHUCKLES]
Neither can I. Ha!

Feels good, doesn't it?

Destiny.

Parker has something
he wants to tell you.

I'll be watching
from over here.

Be sure to speak up.

Never mind.
You'll be yelling.

Proceed.

Okay, you are
going to love this.

I'm going to pitch
a new barbecue restaurant

to Tush Tank.

Wait, but I'm already
entering the competition

with a much better idea,
a vegetarian restaurant.

[SCOFFS] Vegetarian
in Dusty Tush?

A man once
got arrested here

for garnishing his steak
with parsley.

He had a prior.
He ordered a side salad
the week before.

Well, you guys wouldn't be
arguing like this

if you were just
doing your jobs,

like I'm paying you to do.

In my defense,
I didn't spend
my time making posters.

I had children
do it for me.

I'm leaving now.

Me too. And I'm telling you,
your goose is cooked.

I wasn't gonna serve goose,
but thanks for the idea.

Not gonna lie,

that was pretty satisfying.
[SNICKERS]

What do I do around here?

Ah, my favorite day of camp.

The one day
we get real cow milk

and not what Luke calls,
random animal squeeze-ings.

Goth Jake in the house,

Jake, is that you?

Hey, you must be Cleo.

Not that I care,
because I'm goth.

Nice. I'm goth too.

Guess we're like two peas
in a rancid decomposing pod.

Yes, we are
very much similar.

So, what
are you painting?

Not that I care
because I'm goth.

I call it

My Empty Soul.

Mmm. I'm out of
black paint.

If there's no more
in the back,

maybe I could
use some ooze

from the acrid soul
of the cosmic entity,
Cthulhu.

Yeah-huh.

But my friends and I
are going hunting tonight.

If you want to join,
whatever.

Of course. I love hunts.

Scavenger hunts,
Easter Egg hunts.

Helen Hunts.

Great. We're meeting
at the Dusty Tush cemetery.

Be sure to bring
a vial of your own blood.

What exactly
are we going to do?

Ghost hunting.

By any chance,
is that code for
dinner and a rom-com?

See you when
the clock strikes,
ghost-o-clock.

It's 8:00 p.m.

Cemetery, blood?

Hunting for ghosts?

I have a date!

Again, this is not
how people date!

Next presentation
for potential funding

is Parker Preston.

Ooh, I know him.

I guess that's
my BB cue.

Dang it.
That was pretty good.

So, how are you gonna
wow us Tushes?

[CHUCKLES] Man, our town name
is a gift that just
keeps on giving.

Oh, I'm about to show you.

Hit the lights!

We're outside.

I'll make it work.

First, I'd like
to talk numbers,

specifically,
customer acquisition costs

and the profit margins
of a meat based
barbecue restaurant.

Huh. He's actually
being professional.

Just kidding.

Nugget cannon!

You get chicken parts.

You get chicken parts.

Everyone gets chicken parts.

Wow, He's like
a nugget Oprah.

So, what do you think?

So, are we to understand
that you think we should open

yet another
barbecue restaurant

and have more of the same?

Yeah.

Great, we love the same.

Let's fund this idea.

Yes!

No! You can't fund
Parker's idea.

You haven't even
heard my pitch yet.

Oh, yeah, right.

Before she starts
rambling on, though,

nugget me! [CACKLES]

No!

Did the puppets have
the bachelor party
without me?

Where is Snuggles?

And why do you have
three trombones?

That's three
too many trombones.

I had a coupon.

And don't change the subject.

You tore up my cabin
looking for your blanket?

Yes, because
you wouldn't
give him back.

Your camping trip
is tomorrow night.

You need to kick
the habit by then.

I don't care.

Give me my Snugs.

The Snugs stays with me.

Be careful, Noah,

these are some
nice trombones you have.

It'd be a shame if something
happened to them.

Who are you?

Maybe you and
your brother should
get out of town for a while.

Jake, what are you
doing in here?

I had to borrow
some of Destiny's eyeliner.

Nope, this is
permanent marker.

That's unfortunate.

Jake, this has to stop.

You shouldn't pretend
to be something you're not.

If Cleo likes you,
she'll like you for
who you really are.

What would she
possibly see in me?

Cleo is dark and mysterious,

and IRL Jake is sunny

and sees the world
with childlike wonder.

Childlike wonder, Bill.

But you can't just pretend
to be goth forever

and give up
all the things you love.

Like giggling every time
you hear the word
flabbergasted.

[SNORTS AND GIGGLES]

That word will make me
snortle no more.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have a date
with an amazing girl

and the spirits of the dead
in the Dusty Tush cemetery.

Also, could I borrow
a vial of your blood?

No!Oh, come on.

I let you borrow
that pencil once.

You're up. Destiny.

Thank you.

Five Floridians fed on


Five Floridians fed on


[CLICKS BUTTON]

[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

Tushes, I have
a restaurant idea

that will be
the transformative endeavor

that takes Dusty Tush

into the future.

Ooh, I love the future.

There's spaceships there.

I want to open

a vegetarian restaurant.

In your coat?

We need more options
in this town.

Plus, fruits and vegetables

can help with
your immune system

and give you energy.

Well, I have no use
for energy.

That's not why
Mrs. The Marshal
married me.

It was because
of my full-bodied
and shiny ponytail,

which I condition
with barbecue sauce,
I will have you know.

I knew your hair
smelled tangy.

I've heard enough.

Congratulations, Parker,
you win.

I look forward to going
to your new barbecue joint.

Well, I look forward
to figuring out
how to run a restaurant.

Seriously, my life has been
one long example
of failing upwards.

Uh, wait.
I'm not finished.

[STAMMERS] Uh...

Tomato cannon.

[THUDDING]

For this reason,
I'm out

Destiny,
are you eating ribs?

I thought you were
a vegetarian.

If you can't beat 'em,
join 'em.

I feel dirty,

Well, if it makes you
feel any better,

you definitely convinced me
that your vegetarian
restaurant is a good idea.

Really?Absolutely.

This town does need
new options like yours.

You just have to find
a way to give the people
what they need

instead of what they want.

And to do that,
you need to give them
what they need

by making them think
they want to need it.

Yeah, that's not
going on a poster.

Three, two, one.

NOAH: Winnie.

Oh! Hello, Noah.

I didn't know
you went to this camp.

[ANGRILY]
Where is my bed?

What bed?

The one my trombones
and I woke up on this morning.

You know, it's amazing
how strong a person gets

when they're craving
their blankie.

Enough, Winnie.

I'm a counselor,
and I demand
you stop this.

Please don't hurt me.

You're right.
I'm sorry.

I'm just losing my mind
without my Snuggles.

I don't know how
I'm going to fall asleep
at this camp out without him.

Wait,

so this has nothing to do
with ruining your reputation?

You're just worried
you can't sleep
without Snuggles?

He's your trombones.

Wow.

Yeah, you're right.

I mean, I've never spent
a night without him,

and I guess
that really scares me.

But how do you know
you can't sleep
without Snuggles?

Have you tried?

Well no,
but just the idea of it
is frightening.

I don't see
how I could fall asleep
if he's not there.

Then we'll test it out.

I'll stay up
all night with you.

What do you mean?

We'll camp out
here on the lawn,

and if you get anxious,
I'll be there.

But at a safe distance

because I've heard
you sleep-punch

Deal?

Deal.

By the way,
where is my bed?

Oh...

It's at the bottom
of the lake.

You took me
to a real dark place.

Yay. The Dusty Tush
cemetery.

Hey, guys.
Don't get up.

Okay, everyone put on
your night vision goggles.

[OWL HOOTING]

Come out. Spirits.

We are friends.

Well, they're
your friends.

I tend to put up
emotional barriers.

Yes, spirits,
we're all real goth kids

who are dark and mysterious
and aren't scared at all.

Spirits, show yourselves.

[GROWLING]

[GOTHS SCREAMING]

It worked. We ghost hunted,

What a story
for the grandchildren.

Can we run away now?

Bill. What are you doing?

Are you trying to scare us?
Because I can't be scared.

I'm dead inside.

Or have you been a ghost
this whole time?

Jeez, you think
you know a guy.

Sorry, I'm just
in a little pain

because I tripped
back there
and twisted my ankle.

Sorry, Thompson family.

But why are you
dressed like that?

Oh, I'm goth now.

[BIRD SCREECHES]

Let's raise
the dead, y'all.

Bill, this is crazy.
You're not goth.

No. But I wanna hang
with you two this summer.

And clearly
I have to be goth

or neither of you
will like me.

That's not true.
I like you for
who you are.

You don't have to
change for me.

And why are you
looking at me like
I just learned a lesson?

[BIRD SCREECHES]Oh, I just heard it.

You got this, buddy.

[OWL HOOTING]

Hey, Cleo,

I have to
tell you something.

I'm not goth.

What?

But your eyeliner
looks so...

Permanent.

[GASPS] Please tell me
those are bones.

No, they're seashells

that I bought at
an airport gift shop in day
in Dayton Ohio.

This city is landlocked.

They probably don't even
come from the sea.

This doesn't make any sense.

I'm, like, flabbergasted,

[LAUGHS AND SNORTS]

It feels good to be back.

But why would you
pretend to be goth?

Because I really like you.

But when I saw you
for the first time
in the mess hall

I was afraid
you wouldn't like
the IRL Jake.

Jake, I already liked you,
when we got to know
each other gaming,

and I don't like anything.

It's a real problem
at Christmas,

I'm sorry I lied.

But in my defense,
this is on Bill.

He's letting me learn
from my own mistakes
this summer.

Yeah, that didn't
even last two weeks.

Cleo,

I hope you can give me
a second chance.

Maybe we can hang out sometime
and play video games

in a place not littered
with dead bodies?

I'd like that.

[ANIMAL SQUEALING]

What are you doing?

Smiling.

Sorry, I'm out of practice.

[ROOSTER CROWING]

Hey, it's morning.

I slept without Snuggles.

Do you realize
what this means?

That I can write
to the trombones

and tell them
it's safe to come home?

Yes, but also

I get to go
on the camping trip
after all.

Great. I'll take care
of Snuggles
until you get back.

You know what?
I don't need him back.

It's enough to have
a good friend like you.

Aw, thanks Winnie.

It makes me take
the sleep punching
less personally.

Although I am curious
where you hid Snuggles
so well.

Oh, um, sure,
I put him...

You know what?
Don't tell me.

I'd prefer to imagine
Snuggles is out there

living his best life.

Being used to wipe away
a bank robber's fingerprints.

Who put that thing
on the flagpole?

Mama could sure use
a Spurbucks
right about now.

Thank you all for coming
to try my barbecue
sample menu.

Eating this might ruin
the barbecue I'm having
for dinner.

But I suppose the pulled pork
on my breakfast cereal

already did that.

Okay.

Enjoy.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Hmm.

You know,
this is different from
other barbecue I've tasted,

but it's delicious.

Well, that's because
I brought in a new partner
to help with the menu.

Oh! Is it Gordon Ramsay?

'Cause I love that guy.

When he screams on TV,

it scratches an itch
deep inside.

What do you think
that's about?

I'm Parker's
new partner.

I'm Destiny.

You probably don't
recognize me because
I'm not wearing tomatoes.

But Parker, why would you
want to partner with her?

Her idea was a bust.

No one would want to
eat vegetables

when they could eat
this delicious barbecue.

Except, this delicious
barbecue is vegetables,

Soy ribs,
portobello patties,

and Buffalo cauliflower.

Seriously?

Well, consider me sold.

I didn't know
vegetables could
taste this good.

I actually want to
eat this trash.

Sorry, food.

Old habits die hard.

That's because
we needed you to want
what we needed you to want

so that we could get
what we want,

and... Need?

Don't worry,
I'm gonna be
the brains

of this partnership.

Yeah, I'm just gonna be
the lovable money man.

Look at me.
Failing upwards
once again.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]