07x09 - Coop D'etat

[bunniefuu]

Attention, everyone.

You're all invited
to come downtown today

to watch my first
official speech
as mayor of Dusty Tush.

[ALL GROAN]

I'll give you
ice cream if you go.

Hey, my first bribe.
I'm gonna be a great
government official.

Parker, can you take us
to the Dusty Diner?

Yeah, we saw Lou's menu
and it said "rodents"
followed by a question mark.

Sorry, all the stores
on Main Street

are closed today for
a gymnastics showcase.

And get this,
it's featuring
world-class athletes

Katelyn Ohashi
and Jordan Chiles.

What?No way.

And I'm gonna
give a speech.

What?[CHUCKLING] No way.

I shouldn't have
closed with that.

Why would
two super famous
gymnasts come here?

They're doing a tour
of small towns
across America.

Or they just got lost.
Either way, we win.

Jake, we have to
go to this.

Well, you're in luck.
As the new mayor,

I've been given
a few tickets.

Whoa! I can't believe
we're really gonna see

Katelyn
and Jordan perform.

Jake, it's not enough
to just see them.

We have to
hang out with them
and get their autographs.

This is so cool!

You know what
else is cool?

The culmination
of a lifelong dream of

really making
something of myself.

And finally getting
the respect that I so...

And you're gone.
[CHUCKLES]

That's awesome.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

So, what do you think?

Am I mayor material
or what?

Look at you.

Our recklessly irresponsible

activities director's
all grown up.

[INHALES] I won't cry.

But I will remind you
to do up your button

because this ain't
no hoedown.

Parker, you look great.

Although you shoulda gone
with a bolo tie.

I don't trust
neckwear without strings.

I really wanna make
a great first impression.

Hey, can I practice
my speech on you guys?

A monologue?

Without tights?

[CHUCKLES] Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Oh, what it do, brosephs
and brosephinas of D-Tush?

It's your mayor, P-Money,

aka Park-Dog,

aka The Poutine Machine.

[MIMICS PARTY HORN]

Let me hit you with some
quick facts about myself.

Uh, one, I can do this.

Two, I was born
in international waters,

which means
I'm beholden to no laws.

Three, I don't know
if the second thing is true.
Four...

Okay.

As the vast majority

of casting directors
have told me,

"We've seen enough."

You don't like it?

Parker, Dusty Tushians
are down-to-earth folks

who don't want flash,

or fun Q and A's
about maritime law.

Yeah. You need to tailor
your message to your audience.

Like when I did
Death of a Salesman

for some car dealers,
and changed it

to The Celebrated Life
of Commission-Based Employees.

Was it a hit?

Let's say yes.

Okay, look.

If I want my first speech
as mayor to be a success,

it's clear
I need some help.

You two have to
fix me before then.

And I'll need you
to be brutally honest. Please?

Of course.

Then all right-arinis,
bro-collinis.

Let's get this
critique sesh, fam.

Stop it.See, this is why
I need you.

Destiny, great news.

I figured out a way to
make the camp more money.

Bottle the lake water

and sell it to a
paint-stripping company?

I already tried.
That stuff ate right
through the bottles.

Anyway, I've decided
to sell some of
our unused property.

A buyer's coming
for a tour,

so I'll be gone
for a while.

Uh-huh, and the swimming class
I'm supposed to teach today?

At the lake?

Have fun,
and if anyone asks,

the fish are screamin'
'cause they're happy.

Destiny, I need your help.

You didn't swim
in the lake, did you?

Of course not.
It's bubbling.

It's about Feather Locklear.

According to her,

the chickens
have to live in a coop.

Like animals.

Scout, the chickens
have always lived in a coop,

and they seem pretty happy.

Does this sound
happy to you?

[CLUCKING]

Uh... yes?

She said they're all living
in a chicken prison.

We have to release
them immediately.

But we can't
just have chickens

running free
all over camp.
It isn't safe.

The last thing we need
is to lure more wolves here.

Destiny, I came to you
because you're an activist.

I look up to you.

Can you please
help the chickens?

Yes, of course.

But a big part
of being an activist

is being very thoughtful
about what you do

in order to effectively
achieve your goals.

And I'll help you
to do that,

but it might
take some time.

We don't have time.

The chickens
are pooping
where they sleep.

[SIGH] I was gonna get
some bills paid today.

I can't believe
we're really here.

I know.

Majestic downtown
Dusty Tush,

where a world of wonder
awaits around every corner.

Hot dog.

I meant the gymnastics
showcase. Look.

That must be where
Katelyn and Jordan are.

But backstage
is for gymnasts only.

How are we gonna
get past the bouncer?

Winnie, Winnie, Winnie.
[CHUCKLES]

Everyone has their price.

I'll just grease
the wheels with this.

A napkin?

She's pretty,
isn't she?

I have a better idea.
Just follow my lead.

[SCREAMS]

Nope, he is not scared.

Okay, let's hear
what you got
for your speech.

Hello...Wrong.

What? All I said was hello.

And it was wrong.

Parker, Dusty Tush
is a "howdy" town.

Uh, he's right.

I once greeted
the librarian
with a "cheerio,"

and she accused me
of working for the Redcoats
and challenged me to a duel.

Okay. Howdy, folks...

No. You're the mayor,

not a clown juggling pies
at a birthday party.

Give me a business howdy.

Okay, here goes.
Howdy, folks...

You're not at a
funeral, man. Smile!

Howdy, folks...Yikes, did you always
have that many teeth?

Try it again,
but raise your eyebrows

like you're surprised,
but not too surprised.

You had an idea
the surprise was coming.
Does that make sense?

Not at all.

I'll give it a try.

Howdy...BOTH: No!

There's gotta be
a way for us

to sneak past
that bouncer

and meet our heroes.

Yeah, if I don't get to
meet Katelyn and Jordan,

then I'm just
this lovable scamp

who lives life
on his own terms. Ugh!

Jake, look.

Clearly, if we wanna
get into that room,

we have to be gymnasts.Invisible.

Right, your thing.

How are we gonna
trick the bouncer into
thinking we're gymnasts?

That's it!
If we put on
gymnastics uniforms,

the bouncer
will let us backstage.

It's like
they always say,

"Dress for the caper
you want."

Well, if he had rolled up
a rack of invisibility suits,

my idea
would have worked, too.

Wait, maybe he did.

This is happening.
I'm watching this happen.

You know, Scout,
I'm really impressed

that you've taken
an interest in activism.

Let's spitball some ideas...
which is really just a phrase.

I'll probably
only like my stuff.

No need. The problem
is already solved.

I cut a hole
in the coop. Up top.

What?

Now, the chickens
can come and go
as they please.

Just wait till you see
how happy they are.

But they don't have lips,

so look for the smile
in their eyes.

Are you sure
setting them free
was a good idea?

Of course I'm sure.

[SCREAMING]

I'm becoming
less sure.

Are those chickens?
What are they saying?

A lot of stuff
I can't repeat.

And the word "revenge."

[GASPS]

There's chickens. [PANTS]
There are so many chickens.

Parker, what happened?

I was heading to town
for my speech,

but a bunch of
angry chickens
cut off the road.

So I tried
to go around them,

but they linked wings
and created a barricade.

And I know
this sounds crazy,

but I think I heard
the word "revenge"!

Everyone, run! The chickens
have taken over the ranch,
and they're coming for us!

I saw some of them
sharpening their beaks
in the toolshed.

We're doomed!

No! I have to get to town.

Maybe we can go
across the lake.

It's no use.
The chickens
took all the canoes.

One of them was wearing
a tiny Viking helmet.

Word is they're
pecking and pillaging

up and down Tush County.

[GASPS]

Okay. I'm starting
to see why the coop
was a good idea.

Here they come.

That's not a smile
in their eyes,

it's bloodlust!
[SCREAMING] Run!

Why?

I can't believe
that really worked.

Of course it worked.
No one can see us.

Again, not invisible.

Now remember,
according to our uniforms,
we're French.

Huh? I checked the tag

and mine says
I'm 50% spandex,


Okay.

There's Katelyn
and Jordan.

Oh, my gosh.
They're coming
over here.

Booger check.
You're good.

Solid.

Katelyn and Jordan.

I mean...
[MIMICS FRENCH ACCENT]
Katelyn and Jordan.

Hey, you must be
Jean-Luc and Juliette,

the famous
French gymnasts.

Uh... Oui.

I didn't think
you were gonna
make it

after your flight
was delayed.

We've heard so much
about your bold and unique
take on rhythmic gymnastics.

Ah, yes. So bold,
so unique, so rhythmic.

[MIMICS FRENCH ACCENT]
Uh, what exactly
have you heard

about our performance?
Be very specific.

Just that
it's completely
indescribable.

Dang it. [CHUCKLES]

I mean, le gracias.

Well, I'm excited to see
you guys perform,

which won't be long.
You guys are up first.

Sacre bleu!

I wish they'd been
more specific.

[SPEAKING CHICKEN LANGUAGE][CLUCKING]

Thank you, everyone,

for coming
to this negotiation.

I know we're
all busy with

egg-laying
and whatnot.

[CLUCKING]

What did she say?
Is it going well?

I don't think so.

She says the camp
is now theirs.

Although, you may be spared

because of your
vegetarian history.

[CLUCKING]

But no promises.

Can't we just
apologize to them

and agree
to find them
a nicer home?

[SQUAWKS]

She says
it's too late.

[GASPS] Oh, no!
It's a trap!

Scout, look!

We're surrounded.

Yep. We're their
prisoners now.
Peck and mate.

[PHONE RINGING]

[CLUCKS]

She says answer it,
but be cool

and don't say
anything about chickens.

Man, I really miss
the days when I only
had one camper.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello? Oh, hi, Lou.

Yeah, yeah, everything
at the camp is going just...

The chickens have taken over
the ranch, send help!

Hello? Lou?

[CLUCKS]

She says you're
going to regret that.

It's like a chicken
Armageddon out there.

No, the a-peck-alypse.
Better.

Well, at least
they can't get in here.

[RATTLING]

Sweet mercy!
It's game over, man!

How can they
reach the knob?

They're evolving
by the minute.

Okay, we're safe now.

Which is exactly
what you say

in a horror movie
right before you die.

Wait. I have an idea.

The solution
to every problem is...

a costume.

Every problem?
What about pollution?

Hey, Bill,
would you not step
on my moment? Thank you.

I have just
the wardrobe change
to save the day.

Amazing. Now,
the chickens will think
Parker's one of them.

Amazing! And then
I can sneak out of camp.

Amazing! You've both
lost your minds.

Why do you even
have this, Noah?

Let's just say
it wasn't Shakespeare,
and leave it at that.

They said they're
escorting us
off the ranch

and we're lucky
they're not deep-frying us
in our boiling lake.

Today could not
possibly get any weirder.

[CHICKENS CLUCKING]

Oh, look, a topper.

Yo, bawk, bawk.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Bawk? Bawk, bawk?

Bawk. Bawk, bawk!
[CHUCKLES]

Parker, why are you
speaking chicken gibberish?

Noah gave me
this chicken costume.

I'm trying to make the best
of an impossible situation.

I mean... bawk?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING][CLUCKS]

Parker, they
heard you! Run!

Oh, no,
my cover's blown!

Tell everyone
I died in regular clothes!

They're following him.
We're saved!

I mean,
Parker's doomed,
but we're saved.

Where did Noah
even get that
chicken costume?

Let's just say
it wasn't Shakespeare,
and leave it at that.

Hey, y'all.
We're so happy to be
here in Dusty Tush.

That's a phrase
I thought I'd never say.

Everyone,
please welcome

the most original
rhythmic gymnasts
on the circuit.

They do all events at once.

We do what now?

Give it up for
Jean-Luc and Juliette.

[ALL CHEERING]

Well, this'll be fun.

Will it?

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCREAMS]

Wow, this is a crime
against gymnastics.

This might even be
an actual crime.

Oh, my gosh,
are we accomplices?

I think we
pulled it off.

Nope.

Hi, Jean-Luc
and Juliette.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Invisibility suit,
activate!

Worth a shot.

Wow, what a disaster.

Oui.

Great job to the real
Jean-Luc and Juliette.

What an unforgettable
performance.

Although not quite
as unforgettable
as the last one.

That'll be burned
in my retinas forever.

Ready to do
our thing?

Let's go.

[FUNKY INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLUCKING IN THE DISTANCE]

Wait. Do you
hear clucking?

Yeah, and maybe
the word "revenge"?

Everyone!
The chickens are coming

and they can't be
reasoned with!

All we can hope for now
is their flightless mercy!

This is kinda fun.
Should we stay
and watch?

[SQUAWKING]

Nope, let's go!

Well, that was a disaster.

Great. Now I have
nothing to wear

for my mom's
birthday.

Long story.

Why are the chickens
so mad anyway?

What did we
ever do to them?

I mean,
besides eating

all their friends
and family.

Parker,
I guess your big
mayoral debut

will just have to wait
till the sewage plant opening.

But I know
that you're gonna kick
things off with a splash.

[CHUCKLES] Nope,
I heard it. I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Maybe I'm just not
cut out to be mayoral.

You guys saw that
right away this morning
when you were critiquing me.

Yeah, we messed up.
By trying to change you,

we took away what
makes you special.

P-Money doesn't
need fixing.

Yeah, P-Money
is the one
who fixes things.

Like when you
got us all to the geyser
in time to take a photo.

Uh, or yesterday
when you got us pizza

because Lou
tried to serve us
scorpion pate for lunch.

Scorpions weren't even cooked.

She just mushed 'em up
into a ball

and then laid
crackers around them.

You're an amazing
activities director
for the camp.

And as mayor,
you're gonna be

an amazing
activities director
for Dusty Tush.

Ah. Thanks, guys.

You're right.
I'll fix this, too.

I'll just throw a make-up
gymnastics showcase,
P-Money-style.

But didn't
the chickens
take over the town?

Oh, no, I meant
right here at camp.

Dusty Tush is lost.

I saw a bunch of 'em storming
The Sword Emporium.

Keep your eyes peeled

for chickens
with tiny daggers.

Cool. Uh, [CHUCKLES]
if you guys need me,

I'll be in a hotel.
[CHUCKLES] In Colorado.

Destiny,
I'm so sorry.

Because of me,
the camp is a mess,

birds are attacking the town,

and we're no longer
the dominant species here.

Scout, it's okay.

You were only trying to help.

But despite
your best intentions,

if you don't have a plan,

you can make
things even worse.

[SIGHS] Like having to sign

an unconditional
surrender to a chicken?

Yuh-huh.

So, are you still willing
to help me put together a plan

for finding the chickens
a better home?

Of course I am.

But it won't be easy,

and it might
take a lot of time.

You can't expect a solution
to just walk through the door.

Well, after all that,
the guy didn't wanna
buy the land.

[SIGHS] So I guess I'm just
gonna have to turn it into

a free-range pasture
for the chickens.

Or sometimes it does.

Yay! I don't know
what you're
talking about, Destiny.

Activism is so easy.

What did I miss today?

BOTH: Nothing.

Hey, guys.
Can we talk?

Not right now.

We're drowning our sorrows
after blowing our chances

to hang out
with Katelyn Ohashi
and Jordan Chiles.

You sure
about that?

Uh, yeah.

What's with
these two?

Jake, it's them.

Sacre bleu!

We're so sorry
for lying to you.

And for posing
as French gymnasts.

And for ruining the showcase
and for everything else.

A blanket sorry,
if you will.

The only reason
we did that

was because you two
are our favorite athletes.

You're an inspiration to us
bouncy kids everywhere.

Aw, thanks.

You guys are really cool

when you're not
trying to be French.

Oh, I was trying
to be 50% spandex.

So, what are you
doing at the ranch?

Someone calling
himself Mayor P-Money

arranged for us to
finish our show here.

Oh, my gosh.
We're gonna get to see
you perform after all.

But first,
you have to promise

never to sneak
backstage again.

We do meet and greets,
you know.

We promise.

So, do you think
we can get
your autographs now?

Sure. You have
a piece of paper?

I have a better idea.

I can't believe
we got them to sign
our foreheads.

I've been marked
by a legend.

If you thought
I was difficult
to deal with before,

buckle up.

Congratulations,
Parker.

We knew you could
pull this off.

Couldn't have done it
without you.

All we did
was get in your head
and make you doubt yourself.

True, you did make it
ten times harder.

Now, get out there
and do you.

Yo, brosephs
and brositas of D-Tush!

First off, major apologies

from your mayor for that
chicken sitch earlier.

But I promise,
when things go sideways,

I will always do my best
to fix them.

In style.

[FABRIC RIPPING][CROWD GASPS]

[GASPS] Well,
that went sideways.
[CHUCKLES]

But I'm fixing it
by bringing out

two of the greatest gymnasts
of all-time.

Show some love
for Jordan Chiles
and Katelyn Ohashi!

[CROWD CHEERING]

[FUNKY INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING]

[WINNIE WHOOPS]

That was amazing!

Totally!

But I feel like
it's basically
what we did.

I know, right.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]