02x05 - The Spirit of Aunt Lois

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ There's something strange ♪

♪ In the neighborhood ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ There's something weird ♪

♪ And it don't look good ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

[Peter groaning]
My aching back.

Is it too late to switch jobs?

Maybe sell aluminum siding?

Car insurance?

Come on, you love it
and you know it.

You really do live in another world,
don't you?

[muttering]

[Winston]
That was a nasty one, Egon.

Yes, a multidimensional cross-rip

of hyperbolic intensity

hitherto unknown within
the visible spectrum of--

[Winston] Egon, I love it
when you talk like that.

[muttering and chuckling]

Well, kids, it's early
and I still got time for a nap.

Hold all my calls.

-[squelching]
-Huh?

[blows raspberry]
[laughs]

[Peter screaming]

Uh-oh.

Dr. Venkman, don't you dare.

There's nothing in my job description

about target practice.

Peter, this is irrational behavior.

No, Egon.

Finding the refrigerator empty--
That's irrational.

Sliming my shoes, that's irrational.

This'll be fun.

-[blowing raspberry]
-Stop, Dr. Venkman!

Wait, Peter. The value to science
could be incalculable.

We could get the Nobel Prize.

He'll get better, Peter, you'll see.

Ha!

[laughing and mocking]

That little...
You were saying?

Peter, you've got to have a little faith.

[Aunt Lois] That's right, Winston.

Hello, boys.

-[Ray] Hi, Aunt Lois.
-[Peter] Hey, Lois.

[Egon] Hi, Ray's Aunt Lois.

Here, I made you some nice piroshkis
for dinner.

Thanks, Aunt Lois.
What brings you down this way?

I wondered if you boys
were busy this evening.

Oh, rats.

I think we have a job
at the Museum of Modern Art.

Janine?

No, they canceled.

They heard about the mess
you made at the Guggenheim.

Your calendar is clear.

Oh. Well, I guess we're free.
What's up?

Well, I have this headache, you see,

and I'm sure it's spiritual.

So, I've called in a specialist.

Dr. Bassingame.

That TV guy?

He's a snake-oil salesman.
An out-and-out fake.

No. He's very good.
You'll see.

Will you come?

Of course we'll come, Aunt Lois.


Eight would be wonderful.

I'm sure you'll enjoy it
as much as I will.

Oh, she makes me crazy.

I can't believe she's letting
that quack into her house.

Mmm, lots of people used to say
the same thing about us, Ray.

Yeah, but we're scientists.

Look on the bright side--

The worst that can happen is that
the guy will look like a jerk

and your aunt won't
believe in him anymore.

Maybe.

[yawns]

At any rate, I need a nap.
Wake me about 6.

[grunts]

Come on, it'll be fine.

[Peter screaming]
Slimer!

What have you done to my bed?

[Winston] Nice.
Eccentric, but nice.

It's been in the family a 100 years.
Aunt Lois was raised here.

[doorbell rings]

Good evening, Aunt Lois.

My! How nice you all look.
Come in.

Wow.

Is he here yet?

Oh, yes.

He's been here for hours setting up.

Yeah. Let's see this so-called equipment.

[door closes]

Finished.

Ah, welcome.

You must be young Ray,
and these are your Ghostbuster friends.

How nice.

[whirring]

Hmm. There really is something here.

But I think it's dormant.

Would you put that away, sir?

We are using my equipment here tonight.

But we're getting some very strange--

Sir?

Please, Egon, put it away.

Now, if we could begin.

Thank you, Ray.

[whispering]
You really got a reading?

Dormant, asleep, but definitely here.

Can his equipment handle it?

His equipment isn't designed to handle it.

It's designed to annoy it.

Oh, good.

As long as it's not completely useless.

Gentlemen, join hands, please.

My equipment is designed

only to encourage and record
the manifestations you will witness.

Come forth, oh, spirit,
that is troubling this woman.

[music note plays]

Come forth and show yourself.

[gasps]

Oh, me.

-How did he do that?
-Hidden projector.

[Dr. Bassingame]
If we may have quiet,

I shall endeavor to have the spirit
speak to Lois

and tell her why it is troubled.

[In a slow voice]
Lois. Lois.

My sleep is troubled.

Only you can help me, Lois.

Oh, dear. What can I do?

Help me, Lois.

Why, I bet it wants money.

Ray.

A sum of money was owed to me

in a past life by an ancest--

Spirit, what's wrong?
Why don't you speak?

[snarling]

Wow. This is impressive.

Oh, dear.

Hey! This is real!

Of course it's real. I'm a spiritualist.

[whirring]

You getting a reading on that thing?

Trouble, Peter.

Bassingame's awakened
at least 12 separate Class 7

Classic Free-Floating Repeaters.

Great. Can I go home now?

[shrieking]

That does it.
I'm gonna get our equipment.

No, Ray. Dr. Bassingame can handle it.

Can't you, Dr. Bassingame?

Of course I can.
I will, uh...

Do an exorcism.

You're nuts, doc.

Peter, please.

I will remove the spirits,

but the unbelievers must leave now.

[shrieking and thudding]

I don't believe this.

Better them than us.

That's not funny, Peter.

Hey, guys, it's quieting down in there.

What do you think, Egon?

-I don't like it.
-Shh. Listen.

[all screaming]

[Dr. Bassingame screaming]

[all grunting]

Where's my aunt?

Don't hit me.

They have her cornered in there.

I tried.

We've gotta get her out of there.

Wha...

Stop, no. Please. I can't.

No! Stop!

[crashing]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[both grunting]

[both] Whoa!

[Winston grunting]
Get me out...

Nice landing, Winston.

[Dr. Bassingame screaming]

[thudding]
Uh-oh.

-[Ray screams]
-[whimpering]

[groans]

OK, troopers, suit up.
Cowboys and Indians time.

Peter, we can't use
the accelerators in there,

not with Aunt Lois in the way.

It's too risky.

Then we've gotta
figure out something else.

What have you got on these nasties?

Quick, where was your aunt born?

Mercy Hospital. Queens.

But what about those flags
and pictures in the parlor?

That stuff?
Well, my family's Russian.

-They came over in the 1860s.
-That helps.

House spirits which we cross-indexed
with Russian...

Got it.

They're called Domoviye.
Singular, Domovoy.

Spirits that live in the house
and make things go right.

Huh? They're helpful ghosts?

Unless provoked.

If you make them jealous,
they will become violent.

Ah, so when this fruit bat
dummied up his phony seance,

our Russki phantoms got mad.

[Egon] They took it as a direct insult
to everything they stand for.

[all shrieking]

Help!

[spirits shrieking]

[roaring]

[shrieking]

[cackling]

[shrill laughter]

Oh, no!

Help! Someone!

Aunt Lois. Ow!

Ray. I'm here.

I can't get past them.

Keep smiling, Aunt Lois.
We're working on it.

[glass breaking]

We've got to get
their attention off of her.

Off of her and on to us, you mean.

OK, Egon, you're the Brain Trust here.

What do we do?

Well, they got angry
when Bassingame held his phony seance,

so, if we hold another seance,

that should draw them out after us.

And I know just the weasel to lead it.

Me?

Oh, no.

[grunting]

Why me? Why me?

Why me? Why me? Why me?

[squawks]

All right, wise guy,
let's hear some seance.

[gulps]

Uh, oh, spirits of darkness,
hear me.

[all shrieking]

[YELLING]

I think they heard you.

[spirit grunts]

Ouch!

What now, Ray?

Get them away from Aunt Lois,
as far as you can!

Where's Bassingame?

-Forget him. Chant.
-What?

Chant. They'll think
the seance is still going on.

You got it.

And a one, and a two, and a...

The square of the hypotenuse

is always equal to the sum of squares
of the other two sides.

[humming]

Ghosts, get out of the place. Hey, ha!

Ghosts, get out of my face, ha!
Good dog.

[both singing]

♪ Ninety-eight bottles of beer
On the wall ♪

♪ Ninety-eight bottles of beer ♪

[Winston]
Ghost, ha!

Get out of my face! Hey!

[singing continues]

♪ Ninety-seven bottles of beer
On the wall ♪

♪ Ninety-seven bottles of beer
On the wall ♪

♪ Ninety-seven bottles of beer ♪

[Winston exclaiming]

[whimpering]
Oh, oh.

[sighs]

-[knock on door]
-[gasps]

[all] Whoa!

You really should tack that rug down.

Someone could get k*lled.

Oh, dear. Are you all right?

Yeah, somehow.

I don't get it.
Why didn't they follow us out?

They will when they finish dinner.

No, they won't.

Tell me, oh, wise one,
who knows the minds of spooks,

why not?

Because they're Domoviye.
Location spirits.

They were peaceful, even beneficial,
until Bassingame stirred them up.

Good or bad, they belong
to that specific room.

Well, if you're gonna be logical about it.

Wait. Where's Dr. Bassingame?

-[crashing]
-[Dr. Bassingame screaming]

I believe that the gentleman
is otherwise occupied.

Oh, that poor man.

Poor man?

He's the one who caused this mess.

Yeah, but, you know,
we do have to get him out of there.

Why?

[indistinct whispering]

Oh, yeah.

Aunt Lois, will you let us
bring in our equipment now?

Yes. I'm sorry, Ray.

I guess when it comes to ghosts,
you know best.

[proton packs c*ck]

Gentlemen, start your engines.

[muttering]

[growling]

Let's go with the conic projection first.

Great, Egon. You boy genius you.

[shrieking]

[all screaming]

We need a Trap over here.

-Ready.
-Go.

[shrieking]

[beeping]

Hi, fella. Smile.

[crackling]

Nice shot, Peter.

[beeping]

-Ray.
-[screams]

Whoa! Watch it.

Sorry.

It's OK.

Cease fire, guys. We won.

Mmm-mmm.

Oh, my.

[Egon] We're real sorry
about the mess, ma'am.

That's all right, boys.

They did most of the damage
before you even started.

Oh, dear. Dr. Bassingame.

Is he...

Oh, no, ma'am. He's right here.

Is it over?

It's just the seventh inning stretch.

You've got more innings to go, pinhead.

You...You charlatan.

I'll never trust another spiritualist
as long as I live.

There's nothing wrong
with giving someone a chance, Aunt Lois.

But when you want the job done right,

you've gotta pick
the right men for the job.

Uh, what he means is this was a job for...

[all] The Ghostbusters.

Well, folks, it's been a long evening,

and I have to be getting home, so...

Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, that's all right.
You can keep my equipment.

Uh, it's broken anyway.

Of course I'll expect
full payment for my services.

Payment?

What about the damages?
You wrecked my dining room.

If you'll read your contract,

you'll see that I am not liable
for any damages incurred

as a result of spiritual work
on the premises.

You have all the principles of a snake.

It's TV chumps like you
that make me not wanna get cable.

Thank you,

but flattery won't get you out of this.

A contract is a contract.

You know, he's right.

According to this contract,

he doesn't have to pay for any of this.

But I think he'll wanna pay for it.

Out of the goodness of his heart.

And what makes you think that?

Ray.

Because if you don't

we're gonna find out where you live

and deliver these out-of-town guests,
complete with baby pictures,

to your front door for eternity.

You wouldn't.

Uh...Will you...
Will you take a check?

Dr. Bassingame, wait.
You have a...

Yes?

-Have a...
-[all clearing throats]

nice day.

Hmph.

You know, I like the way you think.

[all laughing]

[theme music playing]

[shrieking]