04x09 - Mind Over Matter/Orson at the Bat/The Multiple-Choice Cartoon

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen: Garfield and Friends. [drumroll]

♪ We're we're ♪

♪ ready ready ♪

♪ to to ♪

♪ party

♪ We're ready to party, we're ready ♪

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Dancing, fiesta, romancing, siesta ♪

♪ Samba, la bamba, ay caramba

♪ Disguises disguises ♪

♪ surprises surprises ♪

♪ And pies of and pies of ♪

♪ all sizes

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Garfield and friends

- Garfield: I'm sick of those singers.

Can we get some like Elvis impersonators for next week?

[upbeat music]

♪

Jon: This is exciting guys.

I can't wait to see Swami Pastrami in action.

You think you'll be able to read my mind?

- Garfield: Yeah, and he won't need a bookmark

to finish either.

- Some people think mind-reading is impossible but I think--

- Oh, excuse me.

- That woman oughta watch where she's going.

Well, let's go get our seats.

[Odie grunting]

- Garfield: You want to know if he'll be able

to read your mind?

- Yeah.

- Garfield: Make up your own joke everyone.

This one's too easy for me.

- Hey I'm getting real good at lifting wallets.

- What does this guy look like?

- Oh, you can't miss him.

He's that with a fat orange cat and a dumb looking dog.

Did you test the radio equipment?

- Yes I tested it.

Now try not to have food in your mouth

so I can understand what you're telling me.

- Hey this is tuna.

You should have known I wanted egg salad.

- What do you think I am, a mind reader?

I am sending out for brainwaves.

I am sending out for psychic vibrations.

- Garfield: Try sending out for Chinese food.

- I've been thinking, this has got to be phony.

No one can read minds.

- There is a man in this audience with a fat orange cat

and that man's name is...

- His name is Jon Arbuckle.

You hear that?

Jon Arbuckle.

- His name is Jon Arbuckle.

- Garfield: Big deal, I knew that.

- He has a brother named Doc Boy.

- And I can sense that he has a brother named...

d*ck. No Doc Boy.

- That's right. I do have a brother named d*ck.

No, Doc Boy.

- Mr. Arbuckle, concentrate on your social security number.

- All right.

- The number is 0 1 1



- The number is 0 1 1



- That's right.

Swami, you did it.

You read my mind.

- Garfield: Boy, talk about light reading.

- Wouldn't it be great to be able to read minds?

- Garfield: Read mine. I want lunch.

- Garfield, you probably want lunch.

- Garfield: See you can do it.

- [gasp] My wallet's missing.

I must have dropped it in the theater.

You guys wait in the restaurant across the street

while I go look for it.

- Garfield: Come on pupper.

Let's see if we can spend the contents of Jon's wallet

before he finds it.

- Mr. Arbuckle.

I think you dropped this in the theater.

- My wallet.

Thanks Swami.

- You were thinking how wonderful

it would be if you could read minds.

- How did you--?

Oh well, I know how you knew.

You can read minds.

Yes, that's what I was thinking.

- Yes, of course.

Well, all you need is a medulla medallion

such as this.

I can sell you one but they are very expensive.

- Oh please sell me one, please.

- Well, we could discuss it.

- Garfield: This is a good burger.

But it's not as good as the eight before it.

- No more burgers until I see some lettuce, cat.

It is money to which I refer.

- Someone will be here in a moment to pay you.

If not you can keep the dog.

- Huh? [whining]

- I am Swami Arbuckle.

Beware the power of my mind.

- Garfield: I never fear anything that small.

- You owe me 33 bucks for burgers, pal.

- I shall read your mind.

I see

I see that you have a wife named Ethel. - No.

- A sister named Ethel. - No.

- You know someone named Ethel. - No.

- You fill your gas tank with Ethel? - No.

- Wait, you own a blue car. - No.

- A red car. - No.

- You do own a car. - No.

- You come from Illinois. - No.

- You've been to Illinois. - No.

- No. - You've heard of Illinois?

- You, you're you're gonna pound me

unless I give you $33 for burgers

and then get out of here?

- Yes.

- Well I finally got one right.

I paid Swami Pastrami $200 for this mind-reading jewel

and it's going to work.

- Garfield: $200, do you know how many pizzas that is?

[whining]

- Excuse me madam.

I am Swami Arbuckle and I will read your mind.

Your name is Daisy. - No.

- Your mother's name is Daisy. - No.

- You once picked a daisy. - No.

- Garfield: Come on.

Jon's been brainwashed out of 200 bananas

and we have to get his money back.

- Odie: Yeah.

- I am sending out for brainwaves.

I am sending out for psychic vibrations.

I will read the mind of someone in our audience.

- I got the wallet of some guy in a bad check coat.

His name is Fred Finster.

And he works in a factory that makes cheese straighteners.

- Your name is Fred Finster

and you make cheese straighteners.

- Well that's right, I do.

- And here's a Social Security number.

- Garfield: So that's how he does it.

Okay Odie, want to help me put Swami Salami out of business?

- Yeah.

- Garfield: Okay. Here's what you have to do.

[whispering]

- And your wife's name is...

- Wife's name is...

Hey, stupid mutt.

- Your wife's name is hey you stupid mutt.

- Come back here with my sandwich.

- Excuse me.

Um your wife's name is...

- Announcer On Radio: A new medication

for relief for painful swelling.

- Your wife's name is a new medication

for relief of painful swelling

and your children are named...

- Announcer On Radio: Frankenstein, Dracula,

and the werewolf together again.

- Frankenstein, Dracula, and the werewolf together again.

And they're off and running.

Yes, Dancers Folly in the lead with Silly Filly in second

with Klopman Diamond on the outside and coming up fast

as we now...[blabbering]

and here we are with the last

sounds on this non-stop hit weekend with [blabbering].

[singing opera in foreign language]

[babbling]

And we have a three-car fender bender

on the Main Street off-ramp.

[blabbering]

♪ Do wah do wah

What is wrong with that radio?

You're the cat that was with that guy I sold the jewel to.

- Garfield: Right.

- And you're going to torment me

until I give the money back right?

- Garfield: Congratulations.

You finally learned how to read minds.

Odie.

[bark]

Come on, our work here is done.

- And your name is Beppo.

- Uh uh.

- No wait it's bingo.

- Uh uh.

- Garfield: Come on Odie.

Let's go home and start ordering pizzas with Jon's money.

[Odie speaking]

- Garfield: How will he know where we are?

- Uh-huh.

- Garfield: He's the mind reader. Let him figure it out.

- You like to eat bananas. - Uh uh.

- No, grapes. You like grapes. - Uh uh.

- Raisins? Coleslaw? - Uh uh.

[lullaby music]

[snoring]

[triumphant music]

[lullaby music]

- False start.

[upbeat music]

- Hi, Wade.

- Oh Orson you startled moi.

I hope you don't mind I was just looking

through one of your books to find my favorite poem.

- Oh Casey at the Bat by Ernest Lawrence Thayer.

- Uh huh, it is about a baseball player

who was too overconfident for his own good.

I of course have the opposite problem.

- You know it's funny

you should be looking at a baseball poem.

I was just coming to ask you if you want to play.

- Me? Play baseball?

Oh it is to laugh.

Ha! See I laughed.

- Like, let's get a move on Or.

- Yeah we came to play.

- Okay. Uh if you change your mind.

- Oh I won't.

I consider hop scotch a dangerous sport.

- Have it your way.

Let's play ball guys.

[guys chattering]

- Why do I have to play right field?

Nobody ever hits to right.

- Somebody has to do it Orson.

- Yeah like your turn, man.

- Okay okay, right field.

- I hope Orson keeps his mind on the game.

- I doubt it.

He'll be daydreaming before the first inning is over.

- Ah, good thing I brought a candy bar.

I should have brought a book too.

Yeah I should have brought that poem that Wade likes.

Uh how does it go? [crack of the bat]

- Players yelling: The ball!

Orson! Look out! The ball!

- It looked extremely rocky for the Mudville nine that day.

[crash]

- Wade: Orson at the bat.

A poem.

Ahem, it looked extremely rocky

for the barnyard team that day.

The score stood one two zillions

with one inning left to play.

The sheep addressed the home plate

and he gave the swing his all.

But when he got to first base

they were waiting with the ball.

The chick connected firmly

with a hit of awesome clout

which never reached the bleachers

and became the second out.

The straggling few got up to leave,

their spirits very low.

If I were home I would have changed

the channel long ago.

For they thought, I wish Orson would get a whack at that.

I'd stick around if I thought he would get his turn at bat.

But Roy and Wade preceded him

so we were out of luck.

The former was a rooster and the latter was a duck.

So on that stricken multitude

a deathlike silence set.

- Ice cream, you scream, everybody screams for ice cream.

You scream, everybody screams for ice cream.

- Wade: There seemed little chance for Orson

getting up to bat.

But Roy lay down a double

[crack of the bat]

just as neat as we have seen.

And the craven waterfowl got a single off the bean.

And when the dust had lifted

they could look and see the worst.

There was rooster safe at second

and the duck was hugging first.

Then from the gladdened multitude

a joyous yell was sparked.

- Get your hotdogs right here.

- Wade: It rumbled through the stadium

to where the cars were parked.

The people who were leaving

rushed back to their seats to wait

for Orson, hefty Orson, was advancing to the plate.

There was cheese in Orson's stomach

as he stepped into his place.

There was corn in Orson's pocket

and a smudge on Orson's face.

And when responding to the cheers

he paused to doff his hat.

No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Orson at the bat.

One pair of eyes was on him

as he paused to grab a snack.

He finished off his sandwich

and he threw away the sack.

Then when the portly pitcher

ground the ball into his hip,

defiance gleaned in Orson's eye,

a sneer curled Orson's lip.

And now the leather-covered sphere

came hurtling through the sky

and Orson sat there watching it

as it went floating by.

Right by the chunky batsman

the ball unheeded sped.

- That ain't my style.

- Wade: Said Orson.

Strike one, the umpire said.

From the bleachers where the egg sat

there went up a cry heard far

like the sound of someone's purchasing

a chocolate ice cream bar.

- Egg: k*ll him.

k*ll the umpire!

- Wade: Someone shouted long and low

but you cannot k*ll a person on a TV cartoon show.

With a pause to eat some chow mein,

Orson didn't show a twitch.

He signaled to the mound that he was ready for the pitch.

The pitcher gave the throw his all

and so the spheroid flew.

And Orson still ignored it and the umpire said strike two.

The crowd threw insults calling him a c*ck tub of lard.

They were so mad at Orson

that they junked his baseball card.

But then they saw the face of Orson clearly in his prime

and they knew that Orson

wouldn't let that ball go by this time.

The food is gone from Orson's mouth.

His lunch will have to wait.

He pounds with cruel vengeance

his bat upon the plate.

And now the pitcher holds the ball

and now he lets it go.

And now the air is shattered by the force of Orson's blow.

[cracking glass]

Oh somewhere in this favored land

the light is from the stars.

The people turn the ballgame off and watch their VCRs.

And somewhere sheep are laughing

while a duck will sit and pout.

There's no joy in the barnyard.

Stupid Orson has struck out.

- Egg: You should have swung at the first two.

- Sheep: Are you okay?

- I'm okay, I think.

What's the score?

- 347 to zero.

- We have the zero.

- And it's like your turn at bat, man.

- Leave it to me.

I'll save the day.

I've learned you have to keep your eye on the ball

and give it your maximum effort.

Batter up.

Let's go!

[upbeat music]

- Yay! Orson!

- Way to go.

[upbeat music]

[crack!]

[crack!]

[crack!] [slide]

[crack!] [slide]

[crack! crack!]

- I came by to see how the game was going.

What's the score?

- Who knows.

- Yeah, like Orson's a one pig team, man.

- Oh somewhere men are laughing

and somewhere children shriek.

But we're now in extra innings.

Mighty Orson's on a streak!

[upbeat music]

- Garfield: Greetings.

The cartoon you're about to see represents a major

breakthrough in the area of audience participation.

Usually you have to watch the cartoon

that we want you to watch but today

you'll get to vote on what you want to see happen

in the cartoon.

We'll give you three choices for each decision

and whichever choice gets the most applause is one we'll do.

For example, should we have Jon in A, his regular clothes?

[small applause]

B, a snappy tuxedo.

[slightly bigger applause]

Or C, a stupid-looking pigeon suit.

[loud cheering and applause]

C, a stupid-looking pigeon suit.

That was my choice too.

Okay, now in this cartoon should we feature A, Nermal,

the self-proclaimed world's cutest kitty cat.

[applause and cheering]

- Nerman: All right, yay!

- Garfield: You're not allowed to vote Nermal.

Or should we feature B, Binky the clown?

[low applause]

Good. Or should we feature C, Odie?

[loud cheering and applause]

Okay I get the message.

Now our last question for now.

Should this cartoon take place A, in our living room?

[low applause]

B, our backyard?

[mild applause]

Or C, whatever scenery we've got lying around backstage?

[loud cheering and applause]

Okay, whatever we have lying around backstage.

What's back there guys?

Looks like a national park.

Okay that's all the decisions you have to make now.

There'll be more later.

Okay here's the cartoon and remember,

if you don't like it it's your fault.

[barking]

- Not now Odie, I have to finish cooking the burgers.

Go play with Garfield.

[barking]

[snoring]

- Garfield: You want me to throw the stick

so you can fetch it?

- Yeah.

- Garfield: Okay folks.

Time for you to vote again.

Should I A, throw the stick so he can fetch it?

[low applause]

B, interrupt my nap to frolic with the pooch here?

[applause]

Or C, slingshot the mutt into the next area code?

[loud cheering and applause]

C it is.

[Odie whining]

Hey don't blame me.

They voted for it.

[Odie whining]

This is democracy in action.

[Odie whining]

- Uh oh.

- Garfield, I saw that.

That wasn't nice.

- Garfield: It wasn't supposed to be nice.

- You go to the other side of the lake

and bring Odie back or--

- Garfield: Which cheap threat should Jon use on the cat?

Should he threaten A, no food for a day?

[low applause]

B, no food for a week.

[applause]

Or C, no food until the next time

Halley's Comet cruises the galaxy?

[loud cheering and applause]

- Bring Odie back or no food until the next time

Halley's Comet cruises the galaxy.

- Garfield: All right, all right.

Do you realize how embarrassing it is to be disciplined

by a guy in a pigeon suit?

Odie, yoo hoo.

Doggie.

Okay time for y'all to vote again.

I can't find Odie should I A,

give up searching and take a nap?

[low applause]

Or B, give up and go back to eat cheeseburgers

with old pigeon suit?

[low applause]

Or C, keep on looking for odie until I find the dummy pup?

[loud cheering and applause]

You sure you folks don't wanna vote again?

Okay, I'll keep looking.

Odie. Earth to Odie.

Hello?

Odie?

Odie, Odie.

Odie, Odie. [echo]

Odie!

It's no use. I'll never find him.

It's hopeless I can't go on.

I've been looking for over four minutes.

Well that's it.

Odie?

Okay, you have another decision to make folks.

Odie's going to meet someone in that cave.

Should he meet A, the Buddy Bears?

[mild applause]

Or B, Cactus Jake?

[applause]

Or C, a really ugly buggy-eyed razor-beaked Phenark?

[loud cheering and applause]

Should Odie A, run in terror?

[applause]

B, run in terror?

[louder applause]

Or C, run in terror?

[loudest cheering and applause]

You heard the voice of the people, Odie.

[exciting music]

Should Odie sacrifice himself for his dear friend Garfield?

Yes, yahoo, definitely.

You heard the vote, bye.

[blubbering]

[exciting music]

You people could have voted for Cactus Jake

but no you had to pick the Phenark.

[blubbering]

I knew this voting thing was a lousy idea.

Okay, last vote.

Should we A, flag down a cab to drive us out of this forest?

[mild applause]

Or B, get rescued by a strong heroic forest ranger?

[mild applause]

Or C, stand and fight the Phenark with our bare hands?

[loud applause and cheering]

[Phenark blubbering]

What do you say Odie?

A? - Yeah.

[whistles]

- Yeah I know y'all picked C

but if you want to count the votes get your own show.

[tires squealing]

[upbeat music]

♪