01x02 - Uncle Ted's Excellent Adventure

[bunniefuu]

-Hello, everybody.


Welcome to Bobby's World.


I'm Howie, and
today's show is going

to be more fun than flossing.


That's right, because
today's show is in 3D.

Except that um-- OK, the
guys at the TV station

forgot to send you glasses.


Heh.


So, what you're going
to have to do is,

you're going to have to get
up every so often-- whenever

you want-- and run
toward the TV like that,

so it'll seem like
we're coming toward you.

But it's going to
be a lot of fun.

Like uh, like building a fort.


A fort, building a fort is
fun, because uh, well it-- it's

good, because it causes
peace throughout the world,

and it's fun because, uh--
because-- heh, well, oh god,

you tell them, Bobby.
'Cause I-- I'm just

going to go change
into a cartoon.

Heh.


-OK, Dad.


Um, I-- I like forts
because you can--

you can be in a secret place
where nothing can find you.

[RUMBLING]


-Earthquake!


[THEME MUSIC]


[BARKING]


-Earthquake!


[BARKING CONTINUES]


-Abandon fort!


Kids and doggies first!


-Duck and cover.


Duck and cover.


Hey, it's me, hah.


It's Uncle Ted.


-Uncle Ted.


-Ah hah, good move, Bobby.


You passed the earthquake test.


You didn't panic, and you
headed for the doorway.

Good boy.


-I did?


Sure looked like
I panicked to me.

-Arr?


-I absolutely love your fort.


But uh, next time, you
know, I'd nail the blankets

to the furniture.


-Ted.


-Heh, well, you know,
so they won't fall down.

-Ted, now don't put those gee
golly ideas into his head.

-Wha?


[CREAKING DOOR]


[CREAKING DOOR]


-Oh, sis, I was just kidding.


Bobby knows that, don't ya?


-Oh, Ted.


-Hey uh, help me
out here, Bobby.

-Uh, um, Mom, Uncle
Ted was just kidding.

Yeah.


-Uh huh, yeah, it's
just uh, you see--

I-- I-- I um, was just huh--


-Uh oh.


When Uncle Ted can't think of
anything to say, I get noogies.

-Wha, time for noogies.


-Told ya.


-Oh, I can't be--
honestly, you two, get uh--

-Hey, your fort reminds me
of when I used to go camping.

-Hey, you wanna go
camping with me?

-Sure, great idea.


-Yay.


I can get more blankets and
put my fort back together.

-No h*-h*, not in
the living room.

Let's do it like real men,
isolated from civilization.

-Oh.


-Here we are, away from
the comforts of home,

confronting nature mano-a-mano.


You're not a man until
you go one on one

with the wilderness, boy.


-Where are we going, Uncle Ted?


The North Pole?


-No, better than that.


We're camping in the backyard.


-Yeah.


-Didn't you forget
something, dork?

You're going to be outside.


-So?


-All night.


-So?


-In the dark.


-So!


-[TOGETHER]: And you're
afraid of the dark, remember?

-Come on, Bobby.


Let's go shopping.


-Uncle Ted has great timing.


BOBBY [OFFSCREEN]: Wow.


Great store, Uncle Ted.


-OK, fan out.


Buy stuff that looks fun.


[CLOCK CHIMES]


-Well, you've got your tent,
sleeping bags, camouflage gear,

survival kit.


Anything else?


-Oh boy, socks in a can.


Man, I've been looking
all over for these.

You know, they make
great wedding gifts.

-Hey, Uncle Ted?


Can I get one of these?


-Sure.


Bring two.


Well I'll play with you.


-How many weeks
you going out for?

-One whole night,
in my backyard.

-Backyard, huh?


[CLANGING]


-Then you'll need one of these.


A Super Terminator
9,000 Bug Zapper.

You know, bzzz eck.


-We'll take it.


Ri-- right Uncle Ted?


-Sure, go ahead.


I borrowed your
dad's charge card.

-I'd say you're prepared
for just about anything.

Especially if you're
a-scared of the dark.

-Bu-- huh?


Ready for my first camp out.


-Just stick to the trail,
Bobby, and you'll be all right.

-You're not a man until you go
one-on-one with the wilderness.

[CLANGING]


[BARK]


-Yeah, who needs
the balizatation?

[BARK]


-Well, here we are Bobby.


Just you and me.


Take a deep breath, huh?


Ah, we're camping out.


-Uh, I-- I-- I don't think
you should plug that in.

-Oh, nonsense, Bobby.


Here's to roughing it.


[ELECTRIC SOUND]


-Uh oh.


Un-- Uncle Ted, it
seems-- it's pretty dark.

-Oh, h*, h*, that's OK, Bobby.


Your ole Uncle Ted's got
the situation well in hand.

[DOG PANTING]


-Now we're living
like the pioneers did

when they drove covered wagons
across this great country

of ours.


-Pie and ears
drove wagon trains?

[DOG PANTING]


-Those ears must'a
had really big Q-tips.

[ELECTRIC SOUND]


[FLIES BUZZING]


[ELECTRIC SOUND]


[DING]


-Pizza's ready.


This is neat.


You know, it makes me think that
Uncle Ted would be a great dad.

Yeah.


Uncle Dad.


[FEMALE LAUGHING]


-Uncle Dad, I'm home.


-Hey, Bobby.


How was school today?


-You don't make me go
to school, remember?

-That's right.


And I don't make you
clean up your room either.

-I must be dreaming.


-Here, Bobby.


It's your turn.


Ha-ha Bobby.


Perfect game.


-I love bowling on TV.


It makes me hungry for pizza.


Mm, pizza!


Uncle Ted, the cheese is
so gooey I can't cut it.

-Leave it to me, Bobby.


[SWINGING CHOPPING SOUND]


-Doh, doh, doh.


-Not bad.


-Ah, ah, achoo!


-Look, lim-booger cheese.


[ZAP]


[LAUGHTER]


-Ah, pizza, comic books, no
brother or sister to bug me.

No Mom to make me go to bed.


Is camping great, or what?


Why was I so worried about
sleeping outside in the dark?

What's that?


Ooh.


-Ah!


[TEETH CHATTERING]


-Hey-aye it's me, Uncle Ted.


-I knew that.


Can somebody tell me why
it's fun for big people

to scare little kids?


[MOCK AIRCRAFT SOUNDS]


-Gee, Uncle Ted, look at
all the stars up in the sky.

They kind of look like the
sprinkles on a big doughnut.

[MOCK AIRCRAFT SOUNDS]


-Oh, ah, I've been hit, I've
been hit, I'm going down.

Ah.


[expl*si*n]


-Uncle Ted, you're
not paying attention.

I'm talking about the stars.


Aren't they amazing?


-Nah.


But if you really want
to talk about them,

well, there's the Milky Way.


And over there, that's uh--
that's wha-- the Big Dipper.

See it?


Right next to that
group that looks

like a horse going into
an apartment building.

That one.


-All I see is a great, big
hot dog on a-- on a giant bun.

-You're right.


Let's eat.


-We could roast
some marshmallows.

-Yeah.


Now where did I
put those things?

-I seen 'em Uncle
Ted, but-- but--

-But what?


Oh boy, these'll
roast up real good.

-Boom, boom, boom, boom.


-Yeah, Bobby, the pioneers sat
on their marshmallows, too.

Hey, Bobby, did I ever tell you
the story about the green fog?

-The green fog?


Nn-- no.


-Well, Bobby, a
long, long time ago,

way before there were
real estate salesman

to sell houses around
here, this whole area

was inhabited by
strange monsters.

-It was?


-Oh, yeah.


They'd roam by night,
looking for parking.

And ever since then, people
say that late at night,

whenever the green
fog comes rolling in,

you can see the huge
blood-sucking monster,

and the swamp
creature, holding hands

and skipping through the night.


Bobby?


Bobby?


-Wow.


Uncle Ted, are you afraid
of the dark, like me?

-Oh, h*, h*, h*, Bobby.


Being afraid of
the dark is really

only the fear of the unknown.


-What's the unknown?


-Uh, your Aunt Ruth's age.


Ha, ha, just kidding, Bobby.


Come on.


Don't be afraid
of the dark, it's

just daytime with
the lights out.

-Well then I shouldn't be
afraid of a burning tent, right?

-Huh?


Holy smokers!


[DOG BARKING]


-Ah, call 911.


I'll get the garden hose.


-Uncle Ted, you can't put
out a flame with a snake.

[SQUEAKING]


[HISS]


-Snakers!


[DOG BARKING]


[OWL HOOTING]


-Well, Uncle Ted, if you
wanna call it quits and go in,

it's OK with me.


-Going in?


Going in?


We're not quitters.


All we need are some sheets
to cover those holes.

-And-- and-- and some
blankets to sleep on?

-Ah ha-ha, that's the spirit.


I'll straighten up out here.


Now, Bobby, you go
to the house and get

the sheets and blankets.


-You mean me?


Go all the way to the
house in the dark?

Ouch.


You watch for Uncle
Ted's green fog.

[BARK]


-Ah, what's that?


[GROWLING]


-Oh, no, a swamp creature.


Ah!


A creepy thing.


A blood sucking monster!


I'm surrounded.


[DOG GROWLS]


-Get 'em, Roger.


Roger?


Did the blood sucking
thing eat you?

Hey, wait a minute.


That's not a blood
sucking thing.

It's just Dad's brand new shirt.


And that's not a swamp
creature, it's that umbrella.

And that's not a creepy thing.


Yes it is!


[DOG WHINES]


-Just kidding.


Ha ha ha ha.


You know, Roger,
there's really nothing

to be afraid of out
here in the dark.

It's just my backyard.


-And for you, Strawman,
for being fire retardant,

I give you the housekeeper's
seal of approval.

-Arh, arh.


-And to you, Tinman, for
conscientiously recycling,

I give you this bicycle,
made from your ex-wife.

It's a girl's bike, heh heh.


-Don't sit on my head.


-And, Bobby.


For overcoming your fear of
the dark in your own backyard,

I hereby give you and Uncle
Ted these sheets and blankets.

-Thanks.


What about my dog?


[PANTING]


-I'm a wizard, not Santa Claus.


-Well, so much
for happy endings.

-Whoa, great.


Blankets and sheets.


Hey, what took you so long?


Run into any blood sucking
things in the dark?

-No.


There's no monsters, Uncle Ted.


Things just look
different in the dark.

[SNORING]


-Goodnight, Uncle Ted.


I love you.


[SNORING]


-Oh, gosh darn things.


-Ah.


Oh, morning Uncle Ted-fish.


-Morning, Bobby-fish.


-It sure is neat
camping underwater, huh?

-I don't know.


I don't think this
aquatic living

is all it's cracked up to be.


I mean, what's so
great about it?

I'd like to hear one
good reason-- uh oh, I

shouldn't have said that.


-[SINGING] Now, under
water, nothing smells bad.

That's why underwater is
the best time you'll have.

-[SINGING] No matter how deep
down in the water you sink,

the beautiful thing is
those fish don't stink.

-[SINGING] Rockin' where
the fish don't stink, yeah.

-[SINGING] Fish don't
stink, underwater

the fish don't stink.


-Oh, come on, not even
10-year-old gym socks?

-[SINGING] No.


-Even garbage
trucks, and broccoli?

-[SINGING] Not even there.


-So down here, mommy's
can't have fish,

'cause they just can't
smell Stinky Arm's pits.

-[SINGING] Bah daba bov.


I don't care if
you're friend or foe.

A day in the sun,
and you got BO.

-[SINGING] Shove it where
the fish don't stink.

Yeah.


-[SINGING] Fish don't stink.


Way down under the
fish don't stink.

-Bobby, you smell something?


-Not down here.


-Eh, maybe it's just me.


You mean nothing smells?


Sharks, squid, a nice smelly--


-Nah, hold up, hold up, hold up.


Bobby, get busy.


-[SINGING] Now Roger's
breath is a terrible odor.

-Oh yeah.


-[SINGING] Especially now
that he's gettin' older.

-Mm-hm.


-[SINGING] But underwater, he
can come right up to your face.

-Go 'head.


-[SINGING] I'm tellin' ya,
that's the beauty of this

place.


It don't stink.


-[SINGING] Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, fish don't stink.

-[SINGING] Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Sorry I didn't sing sooner.


-Oh, that's OK, because
you're singing outta tuna.

Ha ha.


You get it?


Uh, you don't get the
whole tuna thing, do ya?

-Thank you boys, the
wonderful, wonderful.

[MUSIC SPEED INCREASES]


-What if we ate
garlic out our ears,

and didn't change
your underwear?

What if we didn't brush our
teeth, or wash our hair,

or take a bath for a year?


[MUSIC FALTERS]


-Yeah, that would
probably stink.

But that's the only
thing, because--

[MUSIC RESUMES]


-[SINGING] Fish don't stink.


Underwater the fish don't stink.


-Oh, sing it fillet
of soul brother.

-[SINGING] Fish don't stink.


Underwater the fish don't stink.


Come on, Bobby, sing with us.


-OK.


-[SINGING] Fish don't stink.


Underwater the fish don't stink.


-Take it, Ted.


[DOG BARKING]


-Hockey shuckers, look out.


The pioneers never had
automatic sprinklers.

Whoa.


-Sorry I forgot to tell you
about the automatic sprinklers,

Ted.


-Heh heh, no problem.


Uh, stuff happens.


-No problem, Uncle Ted.


Hey, I know where
we can camp out.

-Hey, I thought I'd
come out and join ya.

-I didn't think you wanted
to camp out with us.

-Sure, here.


You can use my sleeping bag.


It's an old one.


-Really?


Gee, thanks.


When older brothers
want to share,

it means they're
missing out on the fun.

--Whatever, I figured, like, you
could use some tunes, you know?

-Ha-- Hey, speaking of
tunes, take a listen to this.

[ELECTRIC BUZZ]


-Uncle Ted, it still works.


-[SINGING] Someone's
camping my lord--

-That is nice.


-[SINGING] --in the yard.


Someone's camping my
lord, in the yard.

-What else is family for?


-[SINGING] Someone--


[DOG HOWLS]


-[SINGING] --camping
my lord, in the yard.

-Now this part's good.


-[SINGING] Oh my lord--


-Now hold it.


-[SINGING] In the yard.


-Oh that's--


-If it wasn't for
me, this family

wouldn't have any fun at all.


[DOG HOWLING]


-[SINGING] Built on
marshmallows, my lord,

in the yard.


There'll be marshmallows,
my lord, in the yard.

-If you're good,
they'll be smores.

-[SINGING] There'll be
marshmallows, my lord--

-Yo, Bobby, you have
a good time camping?

-It was lots of fun.


I learned how to
sit on marshmallows,

and swim in a tent,
and-- ha-ha ha.

-Wow.


Sounds like Bobby
had a great time.

Hope you had a great time.


Oh, maybe you did that 3D
thing, did you do that?

Where you ran toward
the TV and you

made it-- did you-- even if
you didn't, it was great.

It was a lot of silly
things today, huh?

Uncle Ted sitting
on marshmallows.

That could only happen on TV.


You gotta be a goofball.


Well, until next time,
bye from Bobby's World.

Sitting on marshmallows,
that is a good one.

Oh, this way.


[THEME MUSIC]


[CHIME]


[CHILDREN LAUGHING]


[MUSIC PLAYS]