01x12 - See America Last

[bunniefuu]

-Yup.

Oh, that just about does it.

Oh, Hi.

Welcome to Bobby's World.

I'm Howie.

We're just about ready
to hit the open road.
We're going on our
vacation in hat.
-Why do we have to
take a vacation, Dad?
-Well, that's
because that's what
this week's episode is about.

And we have to go
where the script says.
We don't have a choice,
because we're in the show,
and you're watching the show.

And we'll also get boring videos
and pictures from our vacation.
Which is important
because when--
when we have boring people
over, they sometimes
wanna do boring stuff, like
see boring videos and pictures.
-But, Dad--

-Well, we're just about
ready to hit the road.
Except one thing, I'm
not a cartoon yet.
There.

That's better.

Can't take a cartoon
family on a vacation unless
you're a cartoon dad, right?

-Dad!

-What?

-Don't you need to put this
back in the engine first?
-Well-- well, sure.

I was just about to
ask you where it was.
-But what do you
do on a vacation?
-Well, you dress
up in tacky clothes
and wear a camera
around your neck,
so people will know
you're a tourist
and ask you where you're
from all the time.
-Where do you say you're from?

-From a cartoon of course!

-I love that guy.

-I can't go away on
vacation and leave
George for two whole weeks.

He, like, totally adores me.

He'll die without me.

-Then he's even
dumber than he looks.
-Uh-huh.

Yeah, like, stuff
a sock in it, OK?
-Oh, come on now, you too.

It's too early for all this
tomfoolery, dontcha know?
-Why do we have to
leave so early anyway?
This is worse than school.

-Oh, so we can beat
the morning traffic.
-Yessiree.

This vacation we're gonna
do everything right.
Well, I guess we're all set.

-Why can't Roger
come with us, Dad?
-Don't you worry, Bobby.

Uncle Ted will take good
care of him while we're gone.
-Bye, bye, Roger.

Bye, bye, Uncle Ted.

-Well, we'll see you when
you get back, if not sooner!
Have a good time.

-Are we there yet?

-I wanna go home.

I miss George!

-I have a feeling this vacation
is gonna be a rough trip.
DEREK: Hey, dork.

Get your doll out of my way.

-A very rough trip.

It's my backseat too, and Webley
can sit in it if he wants to.
-Cannot!

-Can too!

-Cannot!

-See this line?

Don't you dare cross it.

If you do, it's w*r.

-w*r, huh?

Troops, our enemy thinks we're
scared. he thinks we're babies.
But after today,
our enemy will know
that no little line
will ever hold us back.
Secret weapon
Webley, step forward.
Lieutenant Webley,
remove that line.
Mission accomplished!

Well done, Lieutenant Webley.

Troops, forward h*!

-OK, Bobby.

You're gonna get it now.

I told you not to
cross the line.
-OK, that does it.

Don't make me have
to come back there!
-What is it about driving
their families places
that always makes dads say that?

Huh?

-Are we there yet?

-No!

Not even out the
city limits yet.
Ah, this is more like it.

Away from the city
and on the open road.
Yessiree.

This is what a vacation's
all about, kids.
MARTHA: Howard, Howard, I
told you to go to a mechanic,
and I told you not to try
to tune the car up yourself.
-Don't start up, Martha.

KELLY: Like, where
are we anyway?
-Well--

-Ugh.

-Looks like you got a
problem with your fanbelt.
-Well, how much do you
think it's gonna cost?
-Dunno.

HOWARD: Ugh.

-Depends. oon how much you got.

-How long are we
gonna be stuck here?
-Like, yeah.

I wanna go home.

-Oh, kids.

Come on now.

We're gonna have loads of fun
at Wild Willy's Western Museum,
you know.

-There it is.

And look!

They've got the world's
largest wooden Indian!
-What's a wooden Indian?

-First we do rain dance.

It bring great, good crops.

OK, follow me.

[CHANTING]

-I wouldn't do that.

You might throw your back out.

You could be laid up for weeks.

Then there goes the harvest,

-Oh, OK.

How about we go bear
hunting instead?
-Tsk-tsk, I wouldn't do that.

Too dangerous.

We could get lost, spend days
wandering in the wilderness,
get blisters, catch a cold.

CHIEF: OK, then
what would you do?
-Nothing.

I'm a "Wouldn't Indian."

HOWARD: Oh, Bobby, look!

There's the wooden Indian!

-Where?

-Over-- over there!

-Wow.

What happened to him?

-Termites?

-Hey, check this armadillo out.

-How come he's not moving?

-Because it's stuffed, dork.

-Did you ever notice
how you see a lot
of really weird
stuff on vacations?
-Well, now.

$362 worth of grade A
mechanical workmanship.
-Oh, for the love of--

-That oughtta hold
her for a while.
-Yeah, that oughtta support
your family for a month.
BOBBY: I wonder what Roger and
Uncle Ted are doing right now.
-Yup, Rodner.

This is the life, isn't it?

Hey.

Hey, boy.

You wanna see our
postcard again, huh?
Uh-- No, not that one.

That's-- uh-- that's for me.

BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: Dear
Roger and Uncle Ted,
since I don't know
how, Mom is writing
down this letter for me.

The car has a new belt, and
I saw a Wouldn't Indian.
Wish you were here.

Love, Bobby.

-Boy, that's nice, isn't it?

Hey, want some chips?

-See, hun?

I told you taking this
shortcut was a good idea.
Look.

There's not a car
for miles around.
-Well, Howard who would
ever have thought it'd
be so nice to be out in
the middle of nowhere?
-Oh no!

Our car's breaking, and we're
out in the middle of nowhere!
-Nice shortcut, Dad.

-Well, we might as well
be living on the moon,
dontcha know?

-Living on the moon?

Home, home on the moon.

HOWARD: Hey, Bobby.

Where do you want these rocks?

DEREK: Yeah, where are you
putting the swimming pool?
-Right over there.

And don't forget
the diving board.
-Whatever you say, Bobby.

-Hi, Bobby!

-Um-- Bobby, like, I made your
favorite-- Moon Chip Cookies.
-Oh, we just love
it here, Bobby,
especially when the
Earth comes out at night.
But we couldn't have
done it without you.
Thank you, Bobby.

HOWARD: And look!

We even got a lift!

-Ew.

But it sure is a smelly one.

-What do you mean the
car needs a tuneup?
-Tuneup?

Does that mean a musical car?

-How long's it gonna take?

Wait, don't tell me.

Two, three hours?

Maybe more?

Right?

Right?

-Look!

There it is!

[ROAR]

Dinosaur Land!

Wowee!

Oh boy!

Dinosaurs!

Boy, Roger would never
treat me that way.
[WHIMPER]

MAN [ON TV]: What's that girl?

[BARK]

Pop went to the
store three hours ago
to buy a quart of
mocha mint ice cream?
[WOOF]

And he's still not back yet?

[WOOF]

And you're saying that his
truck might have broken down?
[WOOF]

And maybe he's
lost in the woods?
[WOOF]

No?

-Hey, Rodg!

We have no been forgotten.

We got another postcard, boy.

BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: Dear
Uncle Ted and Roger,
our car is much happier
since it got to be a tune.
Mom says she's going to teach
me how to write a letter.
Wish you were here.

Love, Bobby.

MARTHA: If we drive
four more hours a day
and skip the Cowboy Wax Museum,
we can be at the Grand Canyon
in no time.

KIDS [IN UNISON]: I'm hungry.

-Hungry?

You've had cheese curls,
beef jerky, red licorice,
soda, and six bags
of chili chips!
-Those were great snack.

Now we wanna eat.

-Aw, just my luck.

More trucks.

So who-- who's hungry?

-Give me two sunny sides on
a raft and a side of spuds.
Smash 'em and drown
'em in red eye.
-Spuds drowning in eyeballs?

-Help!

Help!

-Help me!

I can't swim!

-Yours is up next, Pops.

Give me an Adam
and Eve on a raft.
What's yours, bud?

-A hamburger with onions?

-Burn one and pin a rose on it!

-Excuse me, Miss?

SERVER: What?

-I'd-- I'd like
some more coffee.
-The pot's over there!

What do I look like?

A waitress?

DEREK: Hey, Dad.

Are these the guys who you
said didn't have any brains?
HOWARD: Derek!

-So you think truckers
ain't got no brains, huh?
You think you can
drive better than me?
Well, I got a truck out
there for you to drive.
Got a load of nitro on it too.

Care to give it a whirl?

Or should I just dust
your britches myself?
-Oh, not at all.

No, thank you.

No, no, no, no, no.

I leave that kind of
driving to the experts.
Yeah.

Yeah.

Truckers are the best drivers
on the road, I always say.
Right, guys?

Right, everyone?

Yo, Bobby.

It's-- uh-- time to leave.

And-- and I just wanna-- I
just wanna take the time now
to thank every one
of you for the great
job you do for my family.

That's a nice tattoo
there and the-- and the--
the United States of America.

-Now how's about this?

Eliminate three hours of sleep
and skip the Petrified Rabbit
Farm, and we can still make
the Grand Canyon by, say--
-Hey, cool!

It says ghost town up ahead!

Let's see it.

-No, no, no, no, no.

No more stops today.

Besides, it's probably one
of those tourist traps.
-A tourist trap?

No!

Don't!

Stop!

It's a trap!

I tell you, it's a trap!

I can't look.

I told 'em it was
a tourist trap.
-Well, yeah.

We're gonna make
up some time now.
This is the wide open spaces.

-You know, I haven't seen a
sign of human life for miles.
-Hey, it's not me.

-It's not me.

-The engine's cutting out.

-Does it mean anything
when the arrow is on the E?
-Oh.

-Oh, for crying in the sand.

We're in the middle
of the desert
without a gas station in sight.

-Super.

-Aw, that's terrible.

-Now, you just be quiet.

I'm driving this car, and
everything will be all right.
Do you hear me?

It'll be fine!

I'm real lucky.

-The car just died.

Well, you've done it
this time, Howard.
This time you've really
done it all right now.
-Well, he didn't do anything.

-Oh, right.

He didn't even put gas
in the G-darn tank!
-Trouble with you is you
haven't got any faith in me.
I knew we'd make it.

-Boy.

I wish Roget could
have seen this.
-It's postcard time!

BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: Dear
Roger, we reached rock bottom,
but luckily we
didn't get trapped
with the other tourists.

We've all got gas now.

And Mom showed me how
to write a letter.
Here it is.

It's an "L."

Wish you were here.

Love, Bobby.

[SNORING]

-That's the 10th motel
with no vacancies.
Good night, Bobby.

-What's that noise?

-We've got a great room, Bobby.

See, the soda machine and the
ice machine are right outside.
-It sounds like drums.

-Well, see you in
the morning, Bobby.
This is it.

We're almost at
the Grand Canyon.
Are you excited, Bobby?

-Ugh.

My tummy feels yucky.

-Howard, he's a little warm.

Howard, Bobby feels yucky.

-He'll be fine.

-Dad.

-We're going to
the Grand Canyon,
and nothing's gonna stop us.

-Dad.

-No curios, no gas, no nothing.

-Now!

HOWARD: Everybody out!

Grand Canyon!

-Hun, you know you're
still a little warm.
-I feel fine now, Mommy.

Honest.

-OK, if you say so.

Wait, Bobby.

Now, don't look down there.

You'll-- uh-- you'll
upchuck, you know.
Oh, now, don't look down anyone.

Especially you there,
Bobby, now yet.
-Mom.

-Wow.

This is neat.

-Well, Martha, we
finally made it, honey.
-Howard, I'm not sure this
was such a great idea.
-Oh, Martha, honey.

Don't worry, Bobby's fine now.

-Yeah.

I feel fine.

-I'm not sure this was
such a great idea, Howard.
How-- Howard.

Howard!

-Like, hi.

-I think I'm feeling sick again.

-Never thought I'd be
sleeping on the bottom
of the Grand Canyon.

-Me either, dontcha know?

Uh-- where's the
bathroom anyone?
-Bathroom?

Martha, there's no
bathroom down here.
-No bathroom?

No bathroom?

-Hey, pipe down over there.

-We'll just have to
be like Roger, Mom.
I wonder what Roger's
doing right now.
-Hey, good catch.

You're improving, Rodg.

Hey, did I read you
the latest postcard?
It comes all the way
from the Grand Canyon.
Who're you?

Lassie?

BOBBY [VOICEOVER]:
Dear Roger, the canyon
is grand, but the donkey's
kind of smell like your breath.
Wish you were here.

Love, Bobby.

-Yup, they should be
back in about a week.
MARTHA: Ted, we're back!

-Whoa.

Time flies when
you're having fun.
-Dad drove straight through
from the Grand Canyon.
-Where's your mom?

-In the bathroom.

She'll be out in about a week.

-Oh, Martha, sorry I
didn't have a chance
to straighten up in there.

Beg pardon.

-Say, you boys put
on some weight.
-Wouldn't you know?

I finally meet
somebody totally cool
and we have to come back home.

And I wanted to stay forever.

-What about George?

-Who?

-Well, I had a great time.

How about you, Roger?

-Yup, it was a
real fine vacation.
Real fine.

[PHONE RINGS]

Remember him?

That mechanic was ugly!

-Dad, that's the donkey.

-Oh, yeah.

Hey, did we have a great time
on this vacation or what?
Only one problem with me--
after driving for 48 hours
straight, I'm ready to
take another vacation.
-I'm ready.

Let's go!

-Really?

-Sure.

We saw new places,
made new friends,
and got callouses
on our [INAUDIBLE]
-Well, this is Howie from
Bobby's World saying,
goodnight ladies and gentlemen.

And-- and is the orchestra here?

We got a special surprise
for the ending song.
No?

Well, that doesn't matter.

Uh-- tha-- thanks--
thanks for being here
at Bobby's World, where there's
a lot of adventure and fun.