02x07 - Chariots of Bobby

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, I'm Howie!

-Hi, I'm Bobby!

-What's your name?

Well, I asked you a question.

The least you
could do is answer.
BOBBY: They can't talk to you.

They're at home!

-So what?

We're at home, we're
talking to them!
-Yeah, but-- but-- oh,
I'll explain it later.
Adults.

You can't live with
'em, but you have
to, because they pay the rent,
and give you food, and stuff.
Anyway, let the
festivities begin!
[THEME MUSIC]

HOWARD: Oh, and there you are!

There you are in the
obstacle race, Derek!
BOBBY: How come
there's no sound?
HOWARD: [LAUGHING]
Well, because these
are old home movies, Bobby.

We had them transferred
to videotape.
KELLY: Guy, can we see
somebody besides Derek?
BOBBY: Yeah, like me!

MARTHA: Aw, you are so cute.

Bobby, honey, you're not in
any of these old home movies
'cause, for gosh
sakes, the stork
hadn't even thought
of bringing you yet!
We were still waiting for--
well, like we are now,
for the new baby,
don't 'cha know?
Yeah.

Oh, it's a family thing.

[LAUGHTER]

MARTHA: Aw, oh, look at that!

Kell-ster, you were cute as a
little button, don't 'cha know?
KELLY: Like, I guess
some things never change.
MARTHA: Oh, you
can say that again.
DEREK: Yeah, once a
dope, always a dope.
HOWARD: It's hard to believe
that all of those years
have gone by since the
Elephant Lodge first sponsored
the Family Fun and
Games Fiesta, huh?
BOBBY: Why is Mom
acting so silly?
MARTHA: Oh, Bob, I was just
getting into the spirit of fun,
you tell now.

-Man, those games were so cool!

I used to love that stuff!

That's great, cause
I've signed us all up
for tomorrow's fun
and games fiesta!
-Me, too?

All right!

Fun and games!

I can't wait till tomorrow!

Oh, boy!

I can't wait for
tomorrow I'm gonna
be-- I'm gonna beat everybody.

I'm gonna be the
bestest one there.
I'm gonna win everything!

-Oh, oh, oh, oh, Bobby,
now, honey, winning
isn't the most important thing.

-That's right, Bobby.

It's not whether
you win or lose,
it's how you play the game.

-It is?

-Honey, now you
go right to sleep.
Athletes need their rest.

-Don't you worry about winning.

The games are all in
the spirit of fun.
-The spirit of fun?

[SNORING]

-Ah?

GHOSTLY VOICE: Ebenezer Bob.

Ebenezer Bob!

-Who are you?

-I'm the spirit of fun!

Didn't anybody tell
you I was coming?
Aw, forget it.

It doesn't matter.

I'm a heck of a lot more fun
than those other three spirits
who are gonna visit ya.

The spirits are ghost of a
chance, the spirit of, uh, you
know, and another spirit.

Aw, heck, they're all good.

But enough of the
bores next door.
Let's have some F-U-N fun!

-Whoopee!

HOWARD: Bobby, you
settle down in there!
-And here's the
Generic team leaving
for the Fun and Games Fiesta.

And here we are
inside the team bus.
-Oh, for the--
oh, Ted, don't you
think this could wait
till we get to the park?
-Hey.

You're the spirit Uncle
Ted told me about.
-Ah, yeah, I'm the
spirit of, uh, you know.
And, uh, I was supposed
to show up, so I'm here.
So, goodbye.

-Bye.

One down, two to go.

Oh, boy!

Fun and games, here I come!

MARTHA: Hey, hey!

Bobby, you wait
for the rest of us.
We don't want you
getting lost, mister!
-You mean like Dad
did on the way here?
-Derek, I told you I
don't want to hear anymore
about your skateboard
practice, OK, young man?
We're all participating
as one big, happy family.
-And after the games,
we'll have a nice barbecue,
don't 'cha know?

-Well, I brought a ton of food.

-You'll need it with
Uncle Ted around.
-Aw, let's see.

A dozen corndogs.

No, no, better m
make that two dozen.
Haven't gassed up the
old gut since midnight.
Wait.

I feel a serenade coming on.

[FARTING SOUNDS] You
think that's beautiful,
you should hear me solo
when the old armpit
is lathered with soap.

-Hello, everybody!

This is your fellow Elephant
Lodger John Madman welcoming
you to another Fun and
Games Charity Fundraiser.
Our first event is the kids'
obstacle race, which will take
the contestants from here-- bow!

Right to this stretch,
around this turn,
pas the pond, across
the bridge, and wham!
Finally to the finish line.

Wow!

And there's one of our
prettier contestants.
How about telling all the good
people out there who you are?
-Her n is Kelly Generic,
and she's a total airhead.
-Derek!

-OK, now, just do
your best, Bobby.
-Yeah, and smile, Bobby!

-And when you hit
the first obstacle,
you wanna shift your weight.

Keep your head low and push
off with your entire body.
-Listen to him, Bobby.

He doesn't know that
winning isn't important.
It's how you play the game,
and how much fun you have that
really counts.

Listen to that.

-Come on, Bobby!

Oh, yeah!

-Go!

-Do it for Mommy!

You can do it!

-Run!

-Wow.

Look at that.

The little scuz
lump's in the lead.
-He is?

-Go, Bobby, go!

You're winning!

Go, Bobby!

-Yeah!

Go, go, go, go!

-They're rounding the dirt!

Heading for the first
set of obstacles!
-Come on, now, Jackie, go!

You can do it!

JOHN: Hey, take it from me.

I've seen a lot of
obstacle courses,
but this one's a real k*ller.

[SHOUTING]

JOHN: Hey, look at
Bobby the jungle boy go!
The crowd's going wild!

Wait a minute.

Here comes the score.

A 10, a 10, and an 8 and 1/2
from the East German Jackal.
Hey, look at that, folks!

Bobby Generic's taken the lead!

-Go, Bobby!

Go!

JOHN: Watch out!

I'm tellin' ya, the
Generic kid's on.
Fire Who!

Will ya look at that technique?

Jackie and the other
kid are burning on!
Unbelievable!

What cornering!

And the panel control!

Oh, that's absolutely awesome!

-Yeah, little dude!

All right!

Yeah!

JOHN: They're closing
in on the finish line!
Here they come!

And the winner is Bobby Generic!

[CHEERING]

-Hey, everybody!

This is my kid.

-I won!

-Get at that.

He won!

Hey Bo, we got you guys now.

Heh.

The Generics are going to
win the overall championship
this year.

Heh, heh, heh.

OK, Bobby.

We gotta get serious here.

The next event is the
three-legged race.
We win that, we win the tug
of w*r, and then the biggie.
The final event, the wagon race.

We win that, we take
the whole enchilada.
The Generics walk out of here
with the Fun and Games Trophy.
We go home the big winners.

There's nothing like it!

Once you have a
taste of victory,
it's all in the
spirit of competition!
We've gotta do it!

-Huh?

-Hey, kid, don't
let it throw yas.
Spare the competition here.

How ya doing?

-Fine.

-Good.

Hey, anyway, don't
worry about your dad.
He'll be OK.

The only reason he's all
worked up about winning
is that he got a
taste of victory.
It's no big deal.

Trust me.

Here, taste it for yourself.

So, what do you think?

-Tastes a lot like chicken.

-Hey, what doesn't?

-Come on, Bobby.

The Generics have a
three-legged race to win.
JOHN: The tension's
mounting here!
Wow!

You wanna talk about excitement?

Let me tell ya.

This three-legged race is
where you're gonna find it.
-Gee.

Like, what could
be more exciting?
-Oh, look at my
Kelly and Bobbie.
Those two just have winner
written all over them,
don't they?

-Oh, yeah.

And you can see it in
my girls, too, can't ya?
-Oh, wake up and
smell the coffee, Dee.
You people don't stand
a chance in heck.
The Generics are on a roll.

-Well.

JOHN: On your marks, get set--

[g*nsh*t]

-Come on, Kelly!

-Come on, Jackie!

Come on, baby!

Come to mama!

Come on!

-Faster, Kelly!

Faster!

-Come on, now, Jackie girl!

Come on!

JOHN: Oh boy, we got
a race going here!
Hold on to you hats.

The Generics are
going in for the k*ll!
The winner is the
Generics and the Bodines!
-What?

-Oh, no!

They tied!

-That was fun.

-Fun?

Get a grip.

We tied!

That was like, nothing!

It's like nothing!

We might as well have lost!

Oh, no!

OK, Bobby, I hope you're happy.

George is over there right
now talking to Becky's sister
instead of to me, and
it's all your fault.
Nobody likes a loser, OK?

-A loser?

But we didn't lose.

We tied.

What's so-- what's
so bad about that?
-I'll tell you what's so
bad about it, sponge brain.
It's worthless.

It's like kissing your sister!

I can't stand the
taste of defeat.
-Defeat?

What's he talking about?

-Hey, don't let
it throw yas, kid.
It's the bitter taste of defeat.

Everybody hates it.

Here.

See for yourself.

-Yuck!

Tastes like old sneakers.

-Hey, "defeat" is what
goes into sneakers, right?
MARTHA: Bobby,
honey, shake a leg!
The all family tug of
w*r is about to start,
don't 'cha know?

JOHN: This is it!

This is the big one!

The tug of w*r!

Pivotal!

Let me tell ya, the trophy
could be won or lost right here,
folks.

-Pull.

Everyone pull.

Win this one for your mother,
and for your new little brother
or sister.

Make 'em proud to
be born a Generic.
JOHN: On your marks, get set--

[g*nsh*t]

-Oh, for gosh sakes!

Pull!

-Come on, everybody.

Pull!

We can win!

-We can win!

I don't think we're winning.

-Oh, for crying in the mud.

Help your fa-- Kelly,
use both hands.
Derek, dig in the
heels if you expect
your allowance this week.

Ted, put your gut into it!

-Oh, beg pardon.

That's a stain.

-Well, Howard, I guess
we're done toying with you.
Ready for a mud bath?

[SHOUTING]

-Whoops.

-Kelly!

-Well, like, we already lost.

Who needs getting muddy?

-Mud muffins!

-What a contest!

What a finish!

Did you see those
Generics fly into the mud?
Splat!

Unbelievable!

That means the winner of the
tug of w*r is the Bodine family!
Wow!

With this face they'll
beat the Generics
and become the overall winners
of this year's Royal Order
of Elephants Lodge
Fun and Games Fiesta.
-Well, if that isn't a
sight-- I don't know you.
-Watch out, Uncle Ted.

-We lost!

-I got the whole
thing on tape, Howard.
They had a couple of
ringers helping them.
-Ringers?

Oh, you mean these two?

They're my nephew from Hawaii.

The Bovine Bodine.

-Don't you just hate that
when family comes to town
unannounced?

-Oh, yeah.

Nephews from Hawaii.

How convenient.

-Well, I guess you'll
want to clean up
before we get together
for that barbecue.
-No.

No.

We're not getting
together for a barbecue.
And I don't need any help
from the competition.
-Hm.

I guess Dad takes
his fun seriously.
JOHN: Will the contestants
in the wagon race
please report to
the starting line?
-Jackie?

-Hi, Bobby.

-I, I, I, I didn't
know you had a dog.
-My dad says we should
help save the animals.
We got Jaws at the
pound this morning.
-Hey, Generic, your
old man was right.
You don't have a
ghost of a chance.
-We don't?

[WHIMPER]

GHOSTLY VOICE: The plan.

The plan.

Doesn't look too
good for you, huh?
-Wha-- who?

GHOSTLY VOICE: Hey.

Down here, boss.

-Who are you?

-I'm the ghost of a chance.

And no short jokes, please,
or I'll flatten your tires.
-You're not here to
scare me, are you?
-No, no, no, no, no.

I just want to say that me
and all the other spirits
are rooting for you.

-Come on!

-Come on!

You can do it!

You can do it!

-All right!

Go, kid!

Youse can do it!

Come on.

Defeat is not in
yours vocabulary.
Go!

-Come on go for it.

Just be as big as you are.

You are fantastic.

HOWARD: OK, just win this race,
and you'll get a special treat.
-Thank you.

HOWARD: Not you.

Roger!

JOHN: On your marks, get set--

-Look, Roger, it's payback time.

All the food bills, all the pet
pills, all the rawhide chewies,
ruined carpet, chewed shoes.

It's all forgiven
if you just win!
JOHN: Go!

-Faster, Rogerion!

Oh, no!

Come on, Rogerion!

There's the finish line!

Oh, no!

Jackalonius is going to pass us!

-You see?
You see that angle?
See?

Doesn't that look like
Bobby won by a whisker?
-Don't you mean Roger
won by a whisker?
-Nobody won.

We tied.

And everybody knows
what a tie is like.
Blech.

-Yeah, like kissing
your sister, OK?
We've heard it.

-All right, you two.

That's enough
excitement for one day.
Time for bed, Bobby.

-Can I take the
trophy to bed with me?
-MARTHA: Oh, you're so cute.

Oh, sure, hon, sure.

You bet, now, yet.

-But only for the two weeks
that it's at your house.
-Then we've gotta take it
back to Jackie's house.
-You know, Roger, this
trophy belongs to you, too.
You know something?

Why is wearing a tie
like kissing your sister?
Who'd wanna kiss his sister?

I don't understand.

I wish somebody would
explain it to me.
-I'll be happy to, little buddy.

See, this is your sister.

And this is you.

And this could be an airplane.

And this is mountain.

Now saw the mountain explodes!

Pow!

Then it's a volcano!

MARTHA: Bobby, go to
bed in there, or else!
-OK.

-Well, monsieurs and
mademoiselles, that's our le
show!

-Howie?

Are you gonna be friends
with the neighbors anymore?
-Of course, Bobby.

It was just-- it was
just-- it was just a,
like a-- we were doing
that-- come on in.
Guys, come on in.

See?

We were just doing
it for the show.
We were trying to teach, uh,
the people at home a lesson.
And do you know
what that lesson is?
-It's-- it's not how you
win and play the game,
it's how you lose.

-No.

It's-- it's not-- it's-- no.

It's-- no.

No, it's not.

No, it's not!

-Bo, would you please--

-You don't even know what
you're talking about.
Everybody--

-No.

If you win-- if you win it-- no.

If you don't lose,
then you're not-- no.
No.

Then get out of my backyard!

-Well, we'll let
them figure it out.
Until next time.

Bye!

[THEME MUSIC]