04x08 - Psycho Bobby

[bunniefuu]

-OK, here we are!

Start the show!

-Bobby, uh-- Bobby, there's
no-- we don't have to hurry.
I mean, just-- just don't rush.

-You're right, Howie.

Start the show!

-Bobby!

Listen, you don't have to rush.

I know it's a great show.

We want to get right to it.

But sometimes, you
just want to slow down,
stop, and smell the roses.

-OK, Howie.

But I don't see any flowers.

Do you?

Start the show!

-Bobby!

-OK, how would you do it, Howie?

-Like this.

Just take it easy.

Watch this.

Now, can we start with a,
uh, uh, tighter shot of me
right here?

DIRECTOR: No time.

Start the show.

-Sorry.

[THEME MUSIC]

-So, Bobby, sweetie.

Why don't you explain yourself?

You can sketch your
story if it's simpler.
-OK.

It all started on a Thursday.

Yeah, a Thursday morning.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Good
morning, Valley-ites!
It's our gorgeous
Wednesday and a perfect day
for the big unveiling of of
the statue in Recreation Park!
BOBBY [VOICEOVER]:
Oh, that's it!
It was a Wednesday morning.

The reason I remember
it so well is
that's the morning
Roger got all wet.
Anyway, I was looking at
my Captain Squash calender.
And I remembered Mom's
birthday was coming up.
I was wondering.

What's something really
neat I could get her?
Because moms are special!

Hm.

Mom always gets up at
night to feed the twins.
[BABIES CRYING]

-Uh oh!

That's a sure golly sprained
ankle about to happen!
Here you go, hun.

This two in one combo flashlight
and baby bottle is the A+ best
birthday present
I've ever gotten!
See?

Here's a bunny!

And here's Elvis
singing a lullaby.
[ELVIS VOICE]: Uh, twinkle,
twinkle, little star.
BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: How I
wonder what you're made of.
Oh.

Ow!

Did you ever notice
how many times
moms tell you, don't do that!

You'll hurt yourself!

And she's right.

Wait!

Webley!

Maybe mom could use
help telling me stuff!
Huh?

-Bobby!

Remember!

No running in the
house, don't you know!
Clean up your room.

Put away your toys.

Wash your hands.

If I told you once,
I told you 100 times.
Put that down.

You'll hurt yourself.

That granola and
cheese casserole
smells gee golly great!

So help me, I'll count to three!

Don't make me use a
[INAUDIBLE] voice!
-Well, gee whiskers, Bobby!

This Robo Mom is
the A+ best birthday
present I've ever gotten!

-Wait!

I got a better idea!

-You do?

-You could run errands in
your very own Squashmobile!
-Oh my!

Oh, oh!

-For a first-timer,
Bobby's Mother,
you're handling the
controls quite nicely.
Just try to relax.

-Oh, oh, Cap.

I've got to get milk from
the convenience store.
[CRASH]

-Uh oh!

Trouble!

You'll have to hurry if
you want to get that milk!
-Well, for [INAUDIBLE] sakes,
give me a gee golly break here,
now.

I'm just learning to drive
this thing, don't you know?
-Ah!

-Ah!

Roger!

BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: I really
didn't have [INAUDIBLE]
idea that morning.

It was that afternoon when Mom
and Dad and Uncle Ted took me
and Kelly and Derek to the park.

That's when I got my idea.

I can't see!

-How's that?

-Wow!

-So what do you see, Bob-o?

-A big sheet?

We could have just stayed home
and looked at the laundry.
-Dweeb.

There's a statue
under the sheet?
-Like, the sculptor always
keeps his work a secret
until it's unveiled, Bobby!

Do you not know
anything about art?
-Art who?

-Hello?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Hello?

[FEEDBACK]

Is this on?

Fellow citizens.

We are gathered here to
unveil a statue of our city's
foremost citizen,
a person we all
know as the man who
cleaned up our city!
BAD GUY: Not so fast, Mr. Mayor.

-[GASP]

MAYOR: [GASP]

Bad guy!

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be in jail!

-Hey, no jail can
hold a bad guy.
I'm taking over
this town and there
ain't no one who can stop me.

-Oh, yes there is!

BAD GUY: Oh no.

Bat-Bobby!

-That's right, Bad Guy!

-Where's he get all them toys?

-Got them out of my toolbox.

And now I'm here to
clean up this town.
Whoa, whoa!

DAD: Watch out,
you're going to fall!
-Easy, Bob-o!

You don't want to miss the
unveiling of the statute.
[OO'S AND AH'S]

-Garbage man?

-Yessiree, Bob!

That's the man who
cleaned up the town.
Ed Riley, the chief
of sanitation.
-And, may I add,
a former president
of the Royal Order
of Elephants Lodge!
-Because an elephant
never forgets a friend!
[ELEPHANT NOISE]

-[GROAN]

You see, hun.

Building a statue is the biggest
gift you can give someone you
really care about.

-Why is he holding a broom?

-Well, it's, uh, it's
to capture the, uh,
special qualities of the man!

-Well, what made him special?

-He gave us curbside garbage
pickup, don't you know?
BOBBY [VOICEOVER]:
It was right then
that I knew what neat thing
to get Mom for her birthday.
I'm going to build
a statue of Mom!
-So you decided to construct
a statue for your mommy
on her special day.

DEREK: Playing with
your cereal again, runt?
-OK, so like, we decided to get
Mom a blender for her birthday.
So you want to come in with us?

-No.

-What?

-[LAUGHTER]

The little dweeb probably
doesn't have any money!
-Bobby, like, you OK?

We always buy a
present together!
-Not this time.

-Why not?

-It's a secret!

Secrets are great, aren't they?

Except when someone
keeps them from you.
-Then you're on your own.

-Yeah, don't come
crying to us later.
BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: Well,
I kept my neat idea
from Kelly and Derek,
but not my breakfast.
COUNSELOR [VOICEOVER]:
Now, sweetie, Bobby.
Don't stop.

What transpired next?

BOBBY [VOICEOVER]:
So now I'm thinking.
What makes my mom special?

Jackie, what makes Mom special?

-Lots of things.

Things that musicians sing
about and poets write about.
Here.

-Huh?

Moms-- a poem by Bobby.

-And Jackie.

-M is for the many
things she tells me.
Don't pick your nose!

-Don't pick your nose.

Cool, Bob.

O is for the other
things she tells me.
-Pick up your room!

-Pick up your room.

Heavy, Bob.

-D is for the way she
says, don't you know!
Put them all together, they
spell Mom, don't you know?
-That's not how you spell mom.

-What?

That's not how you spell mom.

It's M-O-M.

-I'm not so good at spelling!

I'm only four.

BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: I
knew what I had to do.
I needed the stuff
to do it with--
[SHUSH]

BOBBY [VOICEOVER]:
And keep it a secret.
[DING-DONG]

-Coming!

Hold your wild horses!

Well, Bobby!

-Ah!

-What in the Sam Hills of
Wisconsin are you doing?
-Nothing!

Um, I'm just, uh--

[BIRD SOUND]

I'm going to use it for, uh--

MOM: Uh, [INAUDIBLE]
I'm waiting.
-It's for my collection.

-Oh, well, just
so long as you're
not snacking and ruining
your appetite for dinner.
We're having toasted tuna on
turnip slices, don't you know?
delic-y?

[DING DONG]

Well, [GROAN]

-Oof.

Saved by the bell.

I think I got the
perfect blouse, Roger.
-Bobby!

-Ah!

-Have you completely lost it?

Like, what are you doing?

-I, uh, I was just
playing dress-ups!
Yeah, yeah, that's it.

Oh, you know, Kelly.

Dress-ups!

It's a lot of fun.

Hoo hoo!

Yeah.

-Bobby?

You are getting
very weird, uh huh?
BOBBY: Don't eat it, Roger!

Ah!

-What are you doing in there?

-Nothing.

COUNSELOR [VOICEOVER]:
S you consciously
mislead your family.

BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: Yeah.
well, I thought so.
At least until later that night.

-Well, Howard,
you've got to admit,
Bobby's been acting strange.

-Well, he's acting
a little weird.
But it could be a-- a phase.

It could just be--

-Oh, I definitely agree.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-I caught him
sneaking dad's tools.
And, like, I saw him
wearing Mom's clothes.
-Oh, for crying
out tears, Howard.
I'm a failure as a mom!

Well, I'm-- I'm at--
I'm at my wit's end!
I just--

-Now, Martha.

Martha, I'm sure it's just
a phase he's going through.
RUTH: Well I wouldn't
be so sure, Howard.
You know, I read in
The National Inquisitor
about how aliens control
people in the strangest ways.
-Ruth!

It's a case of sibling rivalry.

He's still adjusting
to the twins.
TED: Hey, hi!

Hey, what's going on?

Family pow-wow?

Who you talking about, huh?

Aw, Geeze.

It's not me, is it?

-No, my brother Ted.

It's Bobby!

I-- I failed him as a mother.

He's-- he's just acting
just so awful strange!
-Aw, I wouldn't worry about it.

Everybody said I was
strange when I was a kid.
And, heh heh, look
how I turned out!
-That's good news.

-Oh great.

-Yes, that is reassuring.

-Look, the only kid I remember
who grew up to be strange
was Jerry Armor.

He had a macaroni collection.

Macaroni!

-Oh!

[HYSTERICAL SOUNDS]

Bo-- Bobby was
collecting macaroni!
-That's it!

Call the doctor!

-Howard.

Maybe Ted's right!

-Calm down, Martha.

Listen to what you're saying.

Ted's right?

-I'm sure Bobby will be OK.

-I wouldn't be so sure.

Look!

Right next to the picture of the
space monsters walking among us
is a story about a boy who
didn't like his parents
and wanted to be
raised by power tools.
They're calling him psycho boy.

COUNSELOR [VOICEOVER]: So
Bobby, let me get this straight.
When they said that,
did it concern you?
BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: Nope.

I didn't even know what
they were talking about.
I had bigger problems.

I needed to see
how tall Mom was.
-[SINGING]: Row, row, row your
boat gently down the stream.
Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream.
Row, row, row your boat--

[SCREAM]

-Oh, criminitly, Bobby.

You're acting so cornsilks
goofy and you won't tell me why!
You're going to talk to
someone, and I mean right now!
COUNSELOR [VOICEOVER]: So,
what were your thoughts
shortly after your
mother said that?
-Gadzooks!

-I'm a psychologist,
Bobby-- someone
you can talk to if you find
yourself in a sticky situation.
Sweetie, I'm going to
show you some ink blots.
Why don't you tell
me what you see?
-Time for noogies!

-Uh, that's Uncle Ted giving
a noogie to a dinosaur.
-Oh, get serious, Bobby.

Doesn't it look like you're
wrestling your brother Derek?
-Give up, you little Dweeb!

-No.

-Now, what does
this one say to you?
-Uh, that's Roger
hitting a home run.
COUNSELOR: That's
certainly a surprise.
You blindsided me.

You don't see yourself being
scolded by your mother.
-If I've told you once,
I told you a thousand--
BOBBY: Nope.

That's definitely Roger.

And that's definitely
a home run swing!
COUNSELOR: I must say.

Bobby, you certainly have
an active imagination.
-So I'm OK?

-Yes.

-And you won't tell
anybody my secret.
-Oh, I assure you.

After hearing the
adventure you went through
to surprise your
mom on her birthday,
I wouldn't think
of it, sweetheart.
-Doctor Shinabi.

You're shorter than I thought!

-Oh yeah?

Well, you have enormous feet!

Oh, sorry.

That was very unprofessional.

-And you know what that means.

It's really hard for my
mummy to buy me shoes!
-Always remember
one thing, Bobby.
And I tell this to
all my patients.
Size is seldom important.

-Oh, I'll get a rose.

MOM: Now, cut that out, Ted!

-Mmm, not bad.

-Hey, want me to
light those for you?
-[SCREAM]

Oh, no!

Now get away from
here right now!
Martha's opening her presents.

Oh, and remember.

Don't say anything about
Bobby's visit to you-know-wher.e
-You can count on me, sis.

Mum's the word.

Oh, hey Bob-o!

I didn't see you standing there.

You know, the craziest
thing happened to me today.
RUTH: Ted!

-D'oh!

Oh, I said crazy.

I mean, I won't.
Oh, here Bobby.
Have some nuts.

Nuts!
Oh, did I say nuts?
But I meant noggies.

Huh?

Some noogies.

Nuts.

Not you.

Come on, Martha.

Open mine, first.

-Whenever Uncle Ted goofs
up, he gives me noogies.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]

MOM: Oh, Hward.

The lens-cap?

DAD: Sorry.

Heh heh.

Great idea, huh?

-My stars and oskies!

It's just what I wanted--
an Elvis nightgown.
-Yeah, sis.

I didn't know what
style you'd like--
the fat Eliv or
the skinny Elvis.
-Come on, Mom.

My present's outside.

-Heh.

Sure it is.

-He didn't want to
contribute to the blender.
BOBBY: Come on-- come on!

Please?

-Do-- do you know what
Bobby's talking about?
-Why, no!

I haven't got the
slightest idea.
BOBBY: Just one more minute.

OK!

You can open your eyes now!

[OOING AND AWING]

-Hello!

Hello!

Is this on?

Hello Generics!

We are gathered here to
unveil the statue honoring
our mostest important family
member on her birthday-- Mom!
Come here, Roger.

Here boy!

Happy birthday, Mom!

-[GASP]

-[GASP]

-Uh, what do you think?

-W-- well, Bobby.

It's, uh-- its interesting.

-Whoa, dweebster.

That was your secret?

-Bobby.

Like, that's why you
were acting so strange?
-Oh, Bobby, thank
good-- you didn't
have a problem after all.

You were just collecting what
you needed to build the statue!
-So Bob-o.

You weren't nuts after all.

RUTH: Oh, Ted!

-Well, hun.

It's-- it-- it's
the most beautiful
gift I have ever received.

-Really?

-Yes, Hun.

Really.

-h* h* h*.

That's a heart-warmer.

Let's eat!

-Mom?

-Yes, dear?

-How old are you?

-Oh, Bobby.

-Take it from one who knows.

You never ask a lady her age.

-That's not a lady.

That's my mom!

TED: Ba dum bum!

-[LAUGHTER]

-Crack me up.

Moms-- moms are
ladies too, Bob-o.
Hey, come on.

What's a birthday
without singing?
-You're right, Uncle Ted.

[SINGING]: Great big gobs of
greasy grimey gopher guts.
[MUMBLING]

Huh?

-I think Uncle Ted meant we
should sing "Happy Birthday."
-Oh, right.

[LAUGHTER]

-Boy, I really
liked today's show.
-Me too.

-And-- and not only that.

When you do something
for the people,
it gives you a-- like,
a warm feeling inside.
-And outside too.

[GIGGLING]

-That's, uh-- that's
a joke, right?
-No, this is.

Knock knock!

-Who's there.

-You need.

-You need who?

-You need a doorbell!

[GIGGLING]

-[DUMB LAUGH]

[THEME MUSIC]