05x02 - Geriatric Park

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, everybody!

Today's show is not only funny,
but it smells really good, too!
-W-w-wait a second,
how can you-- how can
you say what a show smells like?

-I guess what I'm trying to say
is, today's show doesn't stink!
-Oh, that's good.

Now everybody's going
to want to watch.
OK, everybody,
watch today's show,
because today's
show doesn't stink.
-Like the one running at the
same time on the other channel.
-Bobby!

-Sorry.

[THEME MUSIC]

-I I just-- I just-- I called
you all here, because I figured
that, you know, we should all
maybe work together, you know,
since we're all bad guys.

And I mean that in the
best sense of the word.
Not that I'd call
you a bad guy--
[ARGH!]

-Quit your landlubbing
whining and get to the point.
[SQUAWK!]

-Get to the point.

-Yeah, what is the plan?

-Gee, I'd-- I'd--I'd
like to show you.
I mean, you're a
tough-looking bunch,
but there's a--a
spy at the table.
-What?

[SQUAWK!]

-Who?

-Me, Bobby-- James Bobby.

Agent 00 this many.

-Agent 005?

[SQUAWK!]

-He's getting away!

-De-- I don't want to sound
like an animal activist,
but the bird is right!

-We must stop him.

KELLY: Bobby!

Ugh, like, what are you doing?

-Mom says I'm her
extra pair of hands.
I'm watching the twins.

-Ugh, the twins?

Ugh, like, the twins are asleep!

-Wow, I'm better at
this than I thought!
-Mom!

Ugh, I am trying to clean the
living room for the party,
and Bobby, as usual,
is in the way!
-Am not.

-Ugh, you are, too!

-Am not.
-Yes, you are.
You're always--
You're always in--
-Am not.
-Yes you are!
-Am not.

-All right now there, you two.

Everyone's got to pitch in for
Great Grandpa Generic's visit.
After all, we haven't
seen him in years.
Ooh, phew!

Somebody needs changing here.

Let's see.

[SNIFFING]

-Ugh!

What is the big, huh?

I'd rather be out
practicing driving.
Tiffany already has
her driver's license.
-Oh, OK, OK.

There will be plenty of time for
that driving, young miss lady.
You know, we're all
so gee golly lucky
that Great Grandpa Generic
moved to that retirement
home that's so close.

Oh, bingo!

Home run!

-Yeah, I can't wait
to meet Great Grandpa.
He must really be great!

Why would everybody call
him "Great" Grandpa?
-You thought you could
escape us James Bobby!
James Bobby's never
going nowhere.
-Didn't your mother tell you?

Never say never!

[COUGHING AND CHOKING]

-What the?

Who is that?

-Either they've designed a
human-shaped wrecking ball
or-- or that's the
Great Grandpa Generic!
-It's GEN-eric!

[COUGHING]: Ooop!

[CHOKING AND COUGHING]

-Told ya.

-[COUGHING]: I came.

-Ugh!

-Ugh.

All's done.

-Now I know why they call you
the "Great" Grandpa Generic.
-[LAUGHING]: Oh,
that was nothing.
There is one last
thing I have to do,
aside from eating extra fiber.

-What?

-Noogies!

-U-n-c-l-e Te-e-e-e-e-ed!

-Hey, Bob-O!

I'm going to pick up
Great Grandpa Generic.
Want to come along?

-Yeah!

-Oh, wow!

Can I drive, Uncle Ted?

-Sure, drive people crazy.

-Yeah, you could
teach her Uncle Ted.
-Uh, sure, why not?

Heh, it'll be an
adventure, won't it, Bobby?
-Oh, thanks, Bobby!

Like, I take back
every mean thing
I ever said about you today.

-Big sisters sure can change
their minds really fast.
-Oh, yuck!

Ugh!

Ugh!

I'd better change.

I mean somebody might see me!

-Boy, Uncle Ted, I can't wait
'til I'm old enough to drive,
because I'm going to
drive a monster truck!
ANNOUNCER: Sunday,
Sunday, Sunday!
See the battle of the
century, as Bobby Generic--
-GEN-eric.

ANNOUNCER: Sorry. --Generic
in his nitro-burning dual jet
engine powered Squashmobile
takes on Captain [INAUDIBLE]
in his steam-powered
Piratemobile
as they battle for supremacy!

[ARGH!]

[SQUAWK!]

ANNOUNCER: Thrill!

As these monster
trucking champions
battle to survive the
Water Pit of No Return!
-Uh-oh!

ANNOUNCER: Sunday,
Sunday, Sunday!
You won't want to miss
one exciting moment
on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

See it all!

-Shut up!

You're driving me crazy!

-Bobby!

-What?

-Come on, Kelly's ready.

Let's get going.

Heh.

Time to head for Jerry
Attrick Park, ha ha.
Watch out!

He he.

-Oh, Ted, stop it out now!

Mr. Jerry Attrick happens to
run a home for the aged, which
is the latest in high-tech
care for the elderly,
don't you know.

-Aw, come on, I'm
just kidding, sis!
You got to admit,
the place is still
full of a bunch
of old dinosaurs.
He he ha ha!

-Wow, this is going
to be an adventure!
I get to see a great
grandpa and dinosaurs, too!
-Oh, Kelly, that's it!

Easy, easy-- give it
just a little more gas.
Whoa!

That's too much!

Oh, that's a scrape.

-Teenagers sure talk about
driving better than they drive.
-Here we are--
Jerry Attrick Park!
-I can't wait to see Great
Grandpa and the dinosaurs!
[SCREAMING]

[SHAKING]

-Yikes!

What do I do?

-Don't run!

We have a lot of elderly
citizens living here,
and they're not as agile
as they used to be.
How would you like
to go on a short tour
with my assistant,
Jeff Goldplum?
-Sure!

That's great!

-Jeff, why don't you show
these fine people around?
They're going to take
their great grandfather
home with them for a visit.

-Sure.

I don't know if it's
uh, such a good idea
taking your grandfather home.

Um, I have a-- a theory--
when you take someone out
of their uh, familiar
surroundings,
uh, you start a chain reaction.

And once that chain
reaction starts--
-Aw, no sweat.

My sister's got
everything under control.
-Well, you see,
not-- not-- not--
not according to
my chaos theory.
Uh, you never know
what-- what will happen.
[DOOR CREAKING]

[GASP!]

[SHAKING]

-[TREMBLING]: Oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh,
pa-- pa-- pa-- Uncle
P-- Uncle Paul.
Am I in trouble?

[ROARING]

[WHINING]

[SLAM!]

Great Grandpa Generic!

-[LAUGHING]: Oh, god!

[WHIMPERING]

-Great Grandpa
Generic, you saved me!
-Oh, there you uh,
there you are, Bobby.
You missed the arts and--
arts and crafts room.
-Too bad, Bob-O!

I loved it!

-Great Grandpa Generic's room
is just around the next corner.
-Bobby, why don't
you go with Jeff
to get Great Grandpa, while
Uncle Ted gets cleaned up.
I'll get the car.

-OK.

-OK, watch out!

-Coming through.
-Watch your back!
-Here we go.

-Wheelchair rolling.

-You got the sign
I made for Great
Grandpa Generic's
100th birthday?
-GEN-eric.

-Right, Generic.

Yeah.

You got it?

-Right here.

And I must say, hand-made
with your very own hands.
-Thank you.

-You have such a gift.

-[MUMBLING]: Why don't you
two bumbling bozos leave
me alone?

-Oh, boy.

-All gums.

Nobody can understand him
without his false teeth.
Did you bring Mr.
Kelso's false teeth?
-No.

-Uh-oh.

-Not here.

Mm.

I thought-- no,
didn't you have them?
-No, not me.

Come on, better go
look for his snappers.
-Uh, what should I do with the
sign for Great Grandpa Generic?
-GEN-eric.

-OK.

-Uh, put it on Mr. Kelso's lap.

We'll be back in a minute.

-Here, would you hold this?

Thanks!

-He said, thaaaanks!

-What's it say?

-Uh, happy-- uh,
happy--happy birthday,
Great Grandpa Generic.

Um.

-It's GEN-eric.

See?

G-- g-gen gen--
gen-- gen-- er-- ic.
Generic.

Gener-- Generic!

One of the benefits
of a public education.
Hi, Great Grandpa.

I'm Bobby!

-[MUMBLING]: I'm not
your great grandfather.
I'm rooming here.

-OK.

Come on.

Kelly and Uncle Ted
are waiting for us.
-Now be careful, because uh,
because there's uh, there's
a lot of-- a lot of
chaos um, in this world.
Uh, yeah.

-I will.

[MUMBLING]: Young man,
where are you going?
I'm not your grandfather!

-Hey, hang on.

Where's Mr. Kelso with
our birthday sign?
-The birthday-- you know, I
was with you, as I recall.
Therefore, I do not know.

-Uh, uh, uh, uh-oh.

[GROUP CHATTERING]

-What a cute little boy!

-Oh, look at his little cheeks!

-Ha ha.

Oh, would you like a cookie?

-No, thank you.

You're a stranger.

But if you give it to Uncle
Ted, I can take it from him!
Uh, um, do, um, um,
want-- do you want
a piece of candy, Great Grandpa?

[MUMBLING ANGRILY]

-Oh, OK.

[MUMBLING IN FRUSTRATION]

-Uncle Ted?

Great Grandpa Generic
is saying something.
-Uh, hold that thought, Bobby.

Uh, you should always signal
when you want to change lanes.
No, not so close!

Not so close!

Oh, that's an ulcer.

-This isn't exactly the
adventure I planned on having.
-Oh!

-You can open your eyes,
Uncle Ted, we're here.
Whoohoho, home sweet home!

Oh, that was a heartstopper!

-Oh, oh, gee, Bobby, don't
bring Great Grandpa in yet.
We want him to be surprised!

[YAWN]

-Mhm.

Mm.

Z-z-z-z.

-Want to-- want to do something?

Want to-- want to go
to the magic store?
-Uh, I don't know.

-Yay!

But I'm not allowed to
cross the street by myself.
But I'm not by myself!

I'm with my Great Grandpa!

[GIGGLING]: Yippee!

Faster!

-We're there!

[MUMBLING]

-What?

-We're there!

-Oh, we're here!

-Wow!

Come on, let's go inside!

-Ta-da!

-Ooh!

-Ah!

Oh!

[PFFFFFFT!]

-Egad!

-Great Grandpa, you're as much
fun as-- as-- as Uncle Ted!
-I'm not your-- oh-- oh, poo.

DEREK: Here, let me
hold this part up here.
You just grab it like that.

[FAMILY CHATTERING]

-Honey, let's just take--

EVERYONE: Happy 100th birthday!

-All right!

Welcome!

Welcome to our--

[MUMBLING]

-Now, uh, give the poor man
some room for the cry-y.
Everybody sit down
at the table here.
-Mom, guess what?

Great Grandpa Generic
is a lot of fun!
-[MUMBLING ANGRILY]: I
am not Grandpa Generic!
-Oh, that's great, hon.

Now, Grandpa Generic, I've made
all your favorites-- meatloaf
with your mashed potatoes and
your favorite salty gravy.
-I love that, too!

-Oh!

-Yeah, me, too!

[DOORBELL RINGING]

-I'll get it!

-[MUMBLING ANGRILY]:
Meatloaf isn't my favorite!
-I don't think he likes it.

-But-- but meatloaf was--
was always his favorite.
[GASP!]

-Oh!

Wait a golly minute here.

That's not Great
Grandpa Generic!
-Mom!

Dad!

There's been a mistake!

-Uh, we uh, made a mistake.

-Mhm.

Mi-- minor snafu.

-Yeah.

You got hold of the
wrong old person.
This is your Great
Grandpa Generic.
-Right.

You can check his nametag, son.

-Oh, ha ha!

-Oh, hi!

[FAMILY CHATTERING]

-Here, Mr. Kelso.

We found your false teeth.

-About time!

I've been trying to tell them
my name is Kelso, not Generic!
-Pretend we were never here.

-Wait!

Can we-- can we-- can't he,
Mr. Kelso, stay for the party?
-Oh, no.

-Uh-oh, bad idea.

-No, waive it up, son.

-I would advise against it.

-You see, Mr. Kelso can get--
[AHEM!] --pretty cranky.
Hoo-hoo-hoo- hoo-hoo.

-He's a lot of fun when
you get to know him.
Please, moooom!

-Well, uh, that was a
please, if I ever heard one.
Eh it's-- it's it's up
to Mr. Kelso, Bobby.
-Well, hm, sure.

I'd like to stay, if it's
OK with you, Generic.
-Well, it's OK by me.

-OK!

[FAMILY CHATTERING]

-Oh gosh, well, that means
we don't have to get back
to Jerry Attrick's
Park 'til when?
Later tonight?
-Probably.
Yeah.

-Well, hey!

Hey!

You're welcome to
stay if you want.
-Party!

-Party down!

-Hey!

-Oh!

-Ow-how.

-Ow.

-Hey, did I leave a mark?

-Ooh.

HOWARD: Well, I'm
going to undo my pants.
MARTHA: Oh, don't do it, Howard.

KELLY: I need a nap.

GREAT GRANDPA GENERIC: More.

-Aw, maybe just a little more.

-That was the bestest
meal I ever had!
--I--I have one complaint.

-Oh?

And that is?

-What's a party
without uh, music?
Hm?

He he he ha ha ha ha!

-Whoa, that's pretty
good ivory tickling.
-Hey, hey, better than
Ferrante and Teicher!
-Uh, we didn't know you
could play the piano.
JERRY ATTRICK EMPLOYEE:
Doesn't have a clue.
-Well, that's because
no one ever asked!
[AHEM!]

-La la la la la la
la, m-m-m-m-m m-m-m.
Do re mi fa s-- [COUGHING]
sol la ti dooooo!
-Well, he's a regular warbler.

-My goodness, who knew?

-Hit it!

GREAT GRANDPA GENERIC:
[SINGING]: Jimmy crack corn,
and I don't care.

Jimmy crack corn
and I don't care.
Jimmy crack corn
and I don't caaare!
[COUGH]

With an [COUGHING] here,
and a [COUGHING] there,
here a [COUGHING],
there a [COUGHING],
everywhere a [COUGHING].

Old McDonald had a
farm, [COUGHING].
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

-Oh, I'm so glad you've
moved closer to us.
-Aw yeah, me too, darling.

It's great to be with family.

-Dad?

What about Mr. Kelso?

-Oh, right, right.

And Mr. Kelso, consider yourself
part of our family, too.
-Sure will-- and thank you--
as long as you don't serve
meatloaf, mashed
potatoes, and gravy.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

-Aw, come on, Kelso,
you could use the fiber!
-And so can you.

-Oh, h* h*!

-Bobby, you're pretty
gee golly lucky.
Have a look see.

Now you have two grandpas.

-Two great grandpas!

I like hanging out
with great grandpas.
They're a lot like
me-- short, cute,
and nobody thinks they know
as much as they really do.
-As a great painter
once said, hey d--.
He was a great painter,
not a good speaker.
Anyway, Bobby, do you have
a message for the people?
-Yes.

Always respect your welders,
because they can take two
things and stick them
together using fire.
And they wear metal masks.

And--

-No.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's not welders.

It's elders.

Always respect your elders.

That's the message.

Because like you said, they've
been around a lot longer
than us, and they know a lot
more than we think they know.
-Oh.

Can they stick two things
together with fire?
-Who?

-The welders.

-No, elders!

-Oh, I respect them, too.

[THEME MUSIC]