05x05 - Mom on Wheels

[bunniefuu]

-Peace.

Peaces.

Welcome to Bobby's World.

Hey Bobby, how are we going
to start today's show?
-I think we should start it
with the show starting button.
-Don't be-- don't
be silly, Bobby.
Everybody knows
there's no such thing
as a show starting button.

-Oh, listen to
mister smarty pants.
Well, why don't
you just press it
and start the show, OK, Howie?

-OK, I'll show you.

[SPRONG]

-See, I told you there
was no such thing
as a button to start a show.

-You were right.

And when you're right,
you're right, Howie.
-Right.

So I guess that just
means one thing.
-We're gonna have
to use the switch!
[BEEP]

[THEME MUSIC]

-Congratulations,
boys and girls.
You did a wonderful job
on your leaf project.
I'm very proud of you.

-Wow, Billy.

Yours would have been
the bestest leaf paper
in the whole class, if you
hadn't done it in poison oak.
-And you did especially well
on your leaf project, Bobby.
Yes, very creative.

Your entire family in leaves.

-Oh no!

Uncle Ted's nose fell off!

-In fact, your paper is so good
that I have a surprise for you.
-You do?

-Yes siree.

I've got something special
right here in my drawers.
-Something special
in your drawers?
ANNOUNCER: And now,
ladies and gentlemen, it's
time to play Guess
What's in My Drawers?
With your favorite game
show hostess, Mrs. Orso.
-Thank you, thank you.

Oh.

All right, Bobby.

It's time for you to choose.

What will it be?

Drawer number one, drawer number
two, or drawer number three?
[CHEERING]

-Um, um, I want-- I
want, um, number two.
No, no, one!

Wait, wait, no, no, two!

Two!

[SPRONG]

MRS. ORSO: Oh,
isn't this exciting?
Look what I've got
for you, Bobby.
A nice gold star
for a job well done.
-A star?

That's it?

A star?

-Yes!

And if you get two more stars
on your next two papers,
you'll get a free ice
cream bar at lunch.
-Oh.

Well, um, how many
stars for a pony?
[BELL RINGS]

-Mom, mom, look!

I got a gold start.

-Well, for jeepers creepers,
aren't you just my special boy
there now?

I'm just so proud of
you, don't ya know?
-After a hard day
at school, nothing
feels better than a mom hug.

-Well, let's just
have a look see.
We've got our kippered snacks
and our guava juice with pulp.
We're all set for our special
private time, don't ya know?
I'm all ears here now, huh?

Tell me what happened
at school today.
-This is my favorite time, cause
[SINGING] it's all about me!
Til ten after 3:00!

Nobody but me!

Just little old me!

Til ten after 3:00!

-Thank you, baby.

Huh, thank you.

-Mom, I'm home!

I need a ride to
soccer practice!
-Mom, like, I need to get
my ears pierced again, OK?
-At 3:11, it's every
Generic for himself.
KELLY: Mom!

Mom!

[CHATTER]

HOWARD: Martha!

-Well, for throwing
me a curve Howard,
what are you doing
home so early?
-Dad, you're like,
totally leaking.
-Uh-oh.

I know that face.

You're packing, gee golly,
bad news, aren't ya, Howard?
Now, you look lower than
a lizard's lunch, Howard.
Oh, what happened
there now, yet?
-These are what
didn't happen, Martha.
-Well, yeah.

But for corn's sake,
those are the self
cleaning pants you invented.

But, uh, what went
wrong, Howard?
-I-- I don't want to go into it.

But

-Trust me, Martha.

There's-- there are a lot of
damp, angry people out there.
And that's only the half of it.

On top of everything
else, I've been laid off.
-Gasp!

-Laid off?

-Dad, dad, what's laid off?

-Well, Bobby, it
means-- it means
I'm going to be spending a lot
more time around the house.
-Yay!

Dad's gonna be spending a lot
more time around the house!
Dad, do you think
sometime we can build
another one of
these great forts?
-Sometime?

You nut you!

What's wrong with right now?

All I've got is time
to build great forts,
Bobby, because I am laid off!

Ha ha!

-This is great!

Dad's been laid off!

Isn't that great news?

-Oh, someone hand
me another tissue.
[CRYING]

-Uh-oh.

Maybe laid off isn't good news.

Maybe it's bad news.

[TIRES SCREECH]

-What's the matter
with laid off?
Why is it making Mommy cry?

-Bobby, like, grow up.

-Figure it out, dweeb.

Dad just lost his job.

-Lost your job?

Oh, that's a trip
to the poor house.
[WIND BLOWS]

-No mail again,
for corn's sakes.
The mail man
probably doesn't even
recognize our address anymore.

The-- the neighborhood's
changed so much, don't ya know.
[HORNS HONKING]

-Was there no mail, Mother?

-No, not so much as
a gee golly postcard.
-No word from sister Kelly
or dear brother Derek then?
-No.

And you want to know why?

It's because you dad got
laid off all those years ago
and made us poor as the dickens.

Of course, my sweet Kelly ended
up marrying George and living
in a really bad trailer
near a stinky swamp.
And poor Derek had
to drop out of school
and join the skateboard circus.

-Don't cry, Mother dear.

You and Father and I
still have each other.
[CRYING]

-And the twins.

-Yeah, that's right, Bobby dear.

And we have dinner, too.

It's bean soup.

-And look, you've saved
the bean just for me.
-Ah, ah, ah, hold it right
there now, for corn's sakes.
Stop being so gosh golly
negative there now, Ted.
You're scaring
Bobby, don't ya know.
-Sorry, Bobbo.

-Now, the way I see it, what
we need to concentrate on
is tightening our belts.

-Oh Roger.

What are we gonna do?

We don't have belts.

-He means we have to
save money, dweeb.
-OK, we're going to
start by making a list.
I want everybody to
come up with one thing
that they can cut back on.

-I know!

I know!

I can give up vegetables!

I'm going to stop eating
broccoli right now.
-Nice try there now, honey.

But no sale.

Howard, I just got a
doozy of a great idea,
don't ya know is all.

I was one heck of a red hot
car hop back in college.
I bet I could help
out by getting a gee
golly part time
job waitin tables.
-Oh.

Oh, I-- I'm-- I'm just so proud.

I'm so proud of this family.

-We are one for all and
we're-- we're all for one,
don't ya know.

[CHEERING]

-Look Jackie, I
got another star.
It's my family in cotton ba*ls.

-I did the map of the
world in macaroni,
but Benny Leon ate Ecuador.

-Oh.

I gotta go, Jackie, my
mom's waiting for me.
-I thought you were coming to
my house to see my new puppy.
-Sorry Jackie, right now I've
got to show my mom my star.
-That is right,
Mrs. Henderson, I
have 15 years of extensive
pants experience.
-Mom, mom, look what I got!

Look what I got!

-Bobby, shh!

I'm-- I'm on the phone here.

I'm trying to get a job.

Uh, long pants, short
pants, rubber pants,
underpants, I've done
it all, Mrs. Henderson.
Well, sure I can
be there tomorrow.
Tomorrow at 9:00?

-Where's Mom?

I got to show her my star!

-Sounds great, OK, bye.

Bye!

Bobby, when I am on the
phone, you have to be quiet.
Do you understand me, Bobby?

-But-- but-- but
this is my-- this
is my special time with Mom.

Where-- where's my TV tray?

Where's-- where's my snacks?

Where's-- where's Mommy?

-You're Mom will be home
a little later, son.
She's-- she's at her
part time job right now.
-She is?

But Elvis's big hand is
pointing straight up.
So-- so that means
it's only 3:00.
It's supposed to be all about
me until ten after 3:00.
[PHONE RINGS]

-Uh-oh.

I'm going to have to get that.

Sorry son, I didn't have
time to make snacks.
Here, here, just try
some hummus, you know.
-But Dad, are you--

-In a minute, OK, Bobby?

I'm busy right now.

Hello?

Can't Bust Them Pants Company?

Yes, I'm Howard--
that's Generic.
Yeah, yeah, I answered your ad.

Uh-huh.

-I want my mommy back!

-Wow Bobby, you got a
gold star on your project.
-Yeah, it's my family
in dental floss.
I used mint.

-I'm sure your dad will
like your paper, Bobby.
He looks very handsome
in dental floss.
-Wait!

I can share my star with my dad!

[DOG BARKING]

-Dad!

Dad!

Hi Dad!

Wanna see my star?

-Gee, that's--
that's great, Bobby.
But listen, I'm in a little
bit of a hurry right now.
Yeah, the twins
are with Aunt Ruth,
and I've got to get
to a job interview.
So I'm going to have to
drop you off with Mom.
Now, you're going to
have to behave yourself,
because if your mother
can't get her work done,
she could lose her job.

-She could?

-So I'm counting on you to
be a good boy, OK Bobby?
You're going to have
to help your mom out.
-This is going to be
great, just like old times.
Just me and mom together.

ANNOUNCER: The
world championship
of roller demolition
is about to begin!
And folks, it's gonna
be a fight to the death
between the bad guys
and the good guys!
Mom and her favorite
gee golly son, Bobby.
All eyes are on Bobby and Mom.

The toughest team in the league.

She's fast, and he's learned
how to tie his own laces.
[g*n SHOT]

-OK, Bobby.

Let's show them who
we are there now, yet.
-You got it, Mom.

[CROWD CHEERING]

ANNOUNCER: And the
winners are Mom and Bobby!
What a team!

-Well, have a look see.

Isn't this just gee
golly great, hun?
You and I are going
to get to spend
the whole afternoon
together, don't ya know.
Good luck with that job
interview there now, Howard.
-I'll see you home
later, Martha.
And Bobby, be good.

-Mmhmm.

That father of yours
is one gee golly good
looking pants pusher.

-Guess you have to be a
grown up to think parents
are good looking.

To a kid, they just
look like parents.
-Now, why don't you draw
for a while there now,
and let me get some
of these orders out
so Big Roy doesn't give me
the gee golly boot there now?
Well, speaking of the head
honcho, don't ya know.
Big Roy, I'd like you
to meet my son, Bobby.
-Are you the one who wants
to give my mom some boots?
-Huh?

Oh, you mean would
I give her the boot?
Would I fire her?

Nah.

I never do that,
unless of course she
started messing up the
orders or something.
-I think I just figured out
how to get my mommy back.
Yes!

-Oh, ya see, Bobby, we got what
we call a system here, right?
Oh geez, you know, every plate
has a number behind it, right?
It shows what table it
goes to and everything.
And if those
numbers were to gets
switched up or something, wow.

Boy, what a mess, eh?

-Hey, Big Roy!

what the heck's going on here?

I ordered the full on
cardiac arrest special.
And instead, she
brings me cottage
cheese and peach halves.

-And I wanted the fatty,
high cholesterol plate.
And look at this fish.

Come on, broiled,
not even deep fried.
-I think this is when
Mom gets her boots,
and we get to go home.

-Oh, oh, hey.

Hold it, hold it right
there now big puppy.
A nice diet plate will be
gee golly good for you.
Come over here.

Without that spare tire
you're wearing there,
you'd be one real hunka
hunka burning handsomeness,
don't ya know.

-Oh, really?

Me?

Handsome?

You think so?

-Hey there, and
you Mr. Man, yeah.
You could use some protein
to keep that beautiful skin
and hair of yours shiny
and gorgeous there now.
-Oh, you really think I got
beautiful skin and hair?
-And don't even gee golly
think about dessert til
those blue plate
specials are clean.
-Aw, is she the best or what?

I am keeping that woman forever.

-Now I'm never going
to get my mommy back.
-Oh, my little mansy,
what's the matter?
You've been moping
around here for days.
I'm making your
favorite din-din.
Cream chip brisket junks
and turkey broths is all.
Now, doesn't that smell delish?

-Nope.

-Oh, hun, now what are
we doing to do with you?
-Martha!

Kids!

Guess what!

I got a job!

Yep, you're looking at the
new vice president of khaki
for the Scotchmore
Pants Company.
-Hurray!

Hurray!

Dad got his job back!

Mom can quit her job and stay
home with me just like before!
-Oh, reign it in there, mister.

I like my job, don't ya know.

-No fair!

I want you to stay home.

I want it to be the
way that it used to be.
I want-- I want it to be all
about me til ten after 3:00.
-Howard, why don't you go call
Ted and give him the good news?
I think Bobby and I need to
have a little chatterosky,
don't ya know.

-Well, Bobby, if I quit
my job, that fine for you.
But where does that leave
me, for corn's sakes?
-Huh?

-Well, hun, the truth is,
I kind of like my job now.
It feels good to get out
of the gee golly house
every once in a while.

-But that means that you're
not home in the afternoons.
What-- what about the time,
that special time for just us?
-Well, now, let's see.

We could move our special time
to right before you go to bed.
Now, how's that for a deal?

-OK.

But-- but what about my
snacks and my TV tray?
-Well, now I've given
some thought to that.
Uh, Kelly will be here to
watch you while I'm at work.
I guess she could
take care of that.
Or, hey, light bulb,
maybe you could
learn to make your
snacks for yourself.
-I-- I could?

-Here, and take a look around.

Everything you need is
right at your finger tips.
It's-- maybe it's time
we let you be a little
more independent, don't ya know.

-I-- I don't know if I'm going
to like this dependent stuff.
Whoa, wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

Look what I found in the
back of the fish nuggets!
I just found where
Mommy hid the rest
of the Captain
Squash candy bars.
Maybe dependent is going to
be better than I thought!
And then-- and
then Billy Crislo,
he turned his
eyelids inside out.
It was gross.

-Oh, well, you want to
talk about gross there yet.
I had a customer
today who put ketchup
on pancakes for corn's sakes.

-Ew!

-Ew!

Gross!

-OK, OK, now mister Bobby.

Our special time's
over for tonight.
Time for you to get that sleep.

Muah.

Nite-nite.

Don't let the bed bugs bite.

I love ya, don't ya know.

-I love you too, Mom.

Yawn.

[SINGING] It's all
about me til 7:43.
You know, it's OK for things
to change, cause sometimes
when they change,
they turn out better
than you think they will.

-Thanks a lot.

Goodbye, see ya.

-Where are you going?

We have to do the
closing for the show.
-This is not the only
show I do, Bobby.
Remember, I'm Howie Mandel.

Anyway, you know
what time it is.
Bye!

-Wait!

Wait!

I don't know what time it is.

And whenever something like
this happens, I have a song.
But I need to know the time.

Well, anyway, [SINGING]
And now it's just me.
Just little old me.

It's my [INAUDIBLE]
can't you see?
So bye-bye from me.