05x08 - Mrs. Noogiefire

[bunniefuu]

-Well, it's time
to start the show.
-What time is it?

-What?

You can't tell time?

-Of course, I can.

It's time to start the show.

See.

I told them.

-No, no, no, no, no.

Look.

Where's the big hand?

-It's on your big wrist.

-No.

On the watch, Bobby.

-Well, big hand's there.

And the little hand's there.

-So what time is it?

-It's time to start the show.

[THEME MUSIC]

BOBBY: Beep.
JACKIE: Beep.
Beep.
BOBBY: Honk.
JACKIE: Honk, honk.

BOBBY: Beep.

I don't want to play
traffic jam anymore.
-Why?

Are you mad at me?

-No.

I'm mad at my mom.

She said I can't go
to any of my rides
when Fun Days comes to town.

-Why not, Bobby?

-Cause, cause at
your age, you'll
get sick to your
stomach, don't you know.
-Well, Bobby, what if the
shoe were on the other foot?
-My shoe's on the other foot.

Then I'd walk funny.

JACKIE: No.

It means put yourself
in your mom's shoes.
Imagine what it would be
like if you were a parent.
[CHATTER]

-What's that?

-It's coming from your house.

-If my dad's home,
I'll bet he'll
let me go on the Fun Days rides.

-Wow.

That is so great.

-I'm busting my gut here.

We're getting away.

-What is it, Dad?

-Well, I'm going to the
Big Pants Convention
in Rapid City, South
Dakota for a whole week.
That's right.

We're talking about really
big pants convention.
Waists 54 inches and larger.

I'm going to be the
keynote speaker.
Huh.

-Wow.

Look at these great pictures.

True American heroes.

President Washington, Lincoln,
Jefferson, and Captain Squash.
He's a hero to me.

When are we leaving, Dad?

-Well, sorry, Bobby.

But only your mother is
going with me on this trip.
-Uh-oh.

When parents go off on
vacation without kids,
it's either good
news or bad news.
-Daddy, daddy, daddy,
since you're going away
and you're going to have
a good time without us,
can I go on the thrill
rides at Fun Days Carnival
while you're gone.

Can I?

-What did your mother
say about that?
-Well, what I said
was he was too small
and he'd get gee-golly
sick on the rides.
-It's bad news.

-Well, gee, Howard.

Who's going to watch the
kids while we're gone.
You know Aunt Ruth
is still getting
over her hernia surgery.

She can only check
in once in a while.
Who else can we get to
check in on the goings-on?
-Yes, Bobby.

Of course, you can go on
the Fun Days thrill rides.
-Ah.

It's good news.

Please, please, please, Mom.

Can Uncle Ted babysit?

He's the best babysitter
in the whole wide world.
-Ice cream.

You scream.

We all scream for ice cream.

Yum.

-Wow.

I'm all wet.

-Don't squirt me.

NARRATOR [ON TV]: Tonight, our
movie on the "Really, Really
Late Show" is "Monster
Parents" versus [SCREAM].
MARTHA: Oh no.

Ixnay.

No, sorry.

This doesn't work for me.

We're definitely not having
Uncle Ted, don't you know.
-On second thought,
it's bad news.
-Howard, there's
no way we can trust
Ted to look after the kids.

-Oh.

Whoa, sis.

That's a punch in the gut.

-Look, Ted.

We're-- we're sorry, but we-- we
just don't think that you're up
to looking after the
kids for a whole week.
I mean, well,
that's practically,
you know, eight days.

-Yeah.

Count them.

You have to admit, Ted.

Sometimes, you know, you
behave like a big kid yourself.
-[BURP] Uh, gee.

I guess you're right.

But how you going to
find somebody else
to babysit on such
short notice, huh?
-Well, we'll just
have to schedule
some gee-golly
interviews, and hope
we can find the right woman.

-Pst.

Uncle Ted.

-Yeah, Bob-o.

-It's not your fault Mom
won't let you babysit.
You hear what she said.

It has to be a woman.

-Oh.

That gives me an idea, Bob-o.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

-Hello.

I'm here about the nanny job.

-Hi.

I'm Bobby.

If you're going to be our
nanny, I hope you like pets.
-Oh, I think doggies
are adorable.
-And how do you
feel about snakes!
[SCREAMING]

Don't be afraid, Roger.

It's just a hose.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

-I have a rash, and mommy
says it's really fectious.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

-I'll get it.

-Hey, time for noogie--
[WOMANLY] Noogies.
Noogiefire.

I'm Mrs. Noogiefire.

Hello.

I'm here for the nanny job.

-Do you like snakes?

-Yeah.

Sure.

Ah, snakes are great.

If I get the job, I'll
probably buy you a real one.
-I've got a really bad rash.

-There.

Now, you're all
cured, aren't you?
MARTHA: Well, I'll
be plum plated.
Well, you know, you
sure know you're
way around little boys,
Mrs.-- what was it?
-Uh, Mrs. Noogiefire.

-I'm real sorry
about all the noise,
but the twins have just been
so gee-golly cranky all day.
Well, would you have
a looksy here, Howard?
I swear.

They act like Mrs. Noogiefire's
already part of the family,
don't you know.

-It does look like you'll get
along just great with the kids,
but we will need references.

-Oh, references.

Oh, let's see.

I'm a [MUMBLING]-- oh,
oh, oh, I know Uncle Ted.
Real well.

-Well, uh, what would you think
of Uncle Ted as a babysitter?
-Personally, I wouldn't trust
him to watch my bowling ball.
-Well, she thinks
just like we do.
So if her references check out.

HOWARD AND MARTHA:
She's perfect.
-I agree with your
parents, Bobby.
You're too small to ride on
the thrill rides at Fun Days.
-I'm going to hate
Mrs. Noogiefire.
Shh, Roger.

I'm going to scare
Mrs. Noogiefire away.
Then, Uncle Ted will
babysit, and he'll
let me go on the thrill
rides at the carnival.
Come on, Roger.

That should take care of her.

-There you are, Bobby.

Now, why aren't you in bed?

-I-- I-- I-- I thought
I heard a burglar
in Mom and Dad's closet.

-You did.

Oh dear.

I'd better look.

In here?

[SCREAMING]

-The house is haunted.

You'd better run away.

-Ah, perhaps, you're right.

Hey, what's that?

-Yikes.

We are haunted.

-Woo, hoo, hoo.

I just love a good
practical joke.
I got you.

Now, time for bed.

Let's go.

-You know, Roger.

Mrs. Noogiefire
reminds me of somebody,
but I just can't remember who.

Boy, who is it, Mrs.
Noogiefire sure reminds me of?
MRS. NOOGIEFIRE: Doh.

Hockey shockers.

That's a face full of steam.

-Hm.

Why can't I remember
exactly who it is?
-Oh.

That feels good.

Doesn't it?

-Whoever it is, sure
makes me miss Uncle Ted.
[SINGING] I got up this morning.

SINGERS: Morning.

-[SINGING] Jumped out of my bed.

SINGERS: Jumped
right out of bed.
-[SINGING] I run
to the kitchen--
SINGERS: But there's
no Uncle Ted.
-[SINGING] Oh, what's the use?

SINGERS: What's the use?

-[SINGING] I got the "I
miss my Uncle Ted" blues.
SINGERS: Misses his
Uncle Ted blues.
-[SINGING] We'd
always have pizza.
SINGERS: Pizza.

-[SINGING] And all
kinds of goodies.
SINGERS: How are those goodies?

-[SINGING] I really
miss those good times.
I even miss the noogies.

That's the truth.

SINGERS: That's the truth.

-[SINGING] I got the "I
miss my Uncle Ted" blues.
SINGERS: He misses
his Uncle Ted blues.
Oh yeah.

BOBBY: Hallelujah.

-Just a minute.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

All yours, Bob-o.

Bye bye.

-I really miss Uncle Ted.

MRS. NOOGIEFIRE: Ah,
something wrong, Bobby?
-I-- I wish you were Uncle Ted.

-You know the nice thing
about wishes, Bobby,
is sometimes they come true.

-They do?

-Sure.

Just close your eyes
and wish, while I
give you my secret
magical head rub.
-I wish you were Uncle Ted.

I wish you were Uncle Ted.

I wish you were Uncle Ted.

[BABBLING] Mrs. Noogiefire,
you're turning into Uncle Ted.
-Bob-o.

I was just taking these clothes
to the cleaners for Aunt Ruth.
I just borrowed them.

I did it so I could
be Mrs. Noogiefire,
so I could be the one
to watch you guys.
-Uncle Ted.

These are good cookies.

I didn't know you could bake,
Mrs. Noogie-- Uncle Ted.
-You know, Bob-o.

I got the idea of
disguising myself
as Mrs. Noogiefire from you.

-Me?

-Yeah.

You said-- yeah, Bob-o.

-It's not your fault Mom
won't let you babysit.
You hear what she said?

It has to be a woman.

-I'm going to show your
mom and dad that I'm
capable of looking
after you kids.
-Yeah.

This is going to
be really great.
-Sure thing, Bobby.

Of course, you can go on
the Fun Day thrill rides.
[DOORBELL RINGING]

-Oh, get that.

Would you, Bob-o?

-Who's there?

MEEKER: I'm Meeker.

SNERD: I'm Snerd.

MEEKER: Together we are--

BOTH: Cable repairmen.

-Here's my ID, sonny.

Now, listen to me.

Listen.

Always insist on proper
identification, my young lad.
-Always.

Boy, your picture is
far superior to mine.
-Oh, no, no, no.

Your picture captures
your special--
how shall I put
it-- joie de vivre.
-Oh, thank you.

-My pleasure.

MRS. NOOGIEFIRE: Hello.

I'm Mrs. Noogiefire, the nanny.

You know, there's a
problem with our reception.
We're getting way too much
snow on the wrestling channel.
-For such a paradigm
of womanhood,
there is no problem I would
be unwilling to repair
vertical or horizontal.

-Oh please.

Rope it in, Fabio.

It would be my privilege
to solve the problems
of this very essence
of femininity.
-That Noogiefire, [PURR].

What a beauty.

-Mhm.

But she's more than a beauty.

She's a babe.

-Time to have some fun.

-You know, Mrs. Noogiefire
doesn't get out much.
She's really busy babysitting.

-Really?

Well, I'd personally be
delighted to accompany
the lovely Mrs. Noogiefire for
an evening of dancing and eats.
-Give me one large to go.

I think she would much prefer
an evening of viewing the latest
theatrical release
with moi, n'est-ce pas.
-Goodbye my lovely.

-Good day, fair maiden.

-Yeah.

Yeah.

Goodbye.

-Don't forget your date with
Mrs. Noogiefire on Friday.
BOTH: We won't.

-Thanks a heap, Bobby.

-A boy's got to do
what a boy's got to do.
-Now, I can be myself.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

BOTH: Aunt Ruth.

-Hello, Bobby.

Ted.

Well, I promised
Martha I'd come by
and check up on Mrs. Noogiefire.

-Are we in trouble?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

AUNT RUTH: Bobby, Uncle
Ted, what's going on?
-Oh, hockey shockers, Bob-o.

She wants to see
Mrs. Noogiefire.
Stall her while I get
back into this stuff.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

-I want to see Mrs. Noogiefire.

And I want to see her now.

-Sorry, Aunt Ruth.

I thought you were
somebody else.
-Oh, Bobby.

You have such an
active imagination.
You know you're
probably just not
used to seeing me
with this cane.
-Easy.

Careful.

Watch it.

-Well, it's so kind
of you to help, Bobby.
But I can walk faster.

-Ah.

Now, that's a tear.

I mean a run.

-Check this out, Kelly.

-Like, it's Uncle Ted.

I think.

-Where does this go?

-Bobby, where is
Mrs. Noogiefire?
-I think he is-- I mean, she's
putting the twins to sleep.
[GLASS BREAKS]

[BABIES CRYING]

MRS. NOOGIEFIRE: Bobby,
it's OK to make noise now.
The twins are awake.

-They take short naps.

-Oh hello.

Uncle Ted said we had company.

You must be Aunt Snoop.

-Aunt Ruth.

You know, I have a dress
just like that one.
My brother took it to
the cleaners for me
and never brought it back.

-By the way, where is Ted?

-Mrs. Noogiefire
can get him for you.
Can't you, Mrs. Noogiefire?

-Yeah, yeah.

Good idea.

Good idea.

You know I have to
change the twins anyway.
And I'll get him myself,
him-- Uncle Ted's self.
Oh.

Busy, busy, busy.

-Uh, Bobby.

Does Mrs. Noogiefire seem
like she's hiding something?
She seemed awfully nervous
at the mention of Ted's name.
-Time to have some more fun.

Let's ask her.

Mrs. Noogiefire, are you hiding
something about Uncle Ted?
-Me.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Talking about me, sis.

I'm right here.

-Ted.

Why are your pants
rolled up like that?
-We were playing dress ups.

Yeah.

We were playing dress ups.
Weren't we, Uncle Ted?
-Huh.

Oh yeah, right.
Dress ups.
Yeah.

I'm pirate.

Arg.

I'm a pirate.

-Uh.

Well, there's something
funny going on here.
I'd like to talk you
and Mrs. Noogiefire.
-OK.

I'll get her.

-Oh.

It's hot in here.

You wanted to see me?

-Where's Ted?

-Oops.

I thought he was here with you.

Ted, your sister
wants to see you.
I'll get him.

-Wait.

I would like to talk to both you
and Mrs. Noogiefire together.
-Uh.

Both of us?

-Can't.

-Well, why not?

UNCLE TED: Why not?

Because Mrs. Noogiefire
is with Kelly and Derek.
That's why.

KELLY: OK.

Like yoohoo.

DEREK: Anyone home?

-It's Kelly.

-And Derek.

-Thank goodness.

Now, we'll get to
the bottom of this.
-Hey, Aunt Ruth.

-Hi, Aunt Ruth.

-Hello.

Bobby and Uncle Ted claim
Mrs. Noogiefire's with you.
Is this true?

-Yeah.

Like, OK.

She was.

DEREK: Uh, yeah.

But then she had to, uh, go
to the store for more diapers.
-Oh, well, in that
case, I can leave.
It looks like
everything is just fine.
-Oh, water wowzers.

That was a close call.

-Derek, Kelly, guess what.

Mrs. Noogiefire is
really Uncle Ted.
BOTH: We know.

-Please.

It is not like we
are total zombies.
-Speak for yourself.

Ow.

UNCLE TED: You two settle
down, or you're grounded.
-Like no way.

-Oh, yes way.

If that's what it takes
to prove to your parents
I can be responsible,
I'll do it.
-You don't suppose Uncle
Ted's acting like a parent.
Nah.

-I really owe you one, Bob-o.

Just let me know if
there's anything,
any time I can ever do for you.

-I might be five years old.

But I'm not dumb.

Can I go to the
tilt-a-whirl, Uncle Ted?
Huh, can I?

Please, please, please.

UNCLE TED: It looks
pretty scary, Bobby.
You know, maybe
you're too young.
You might get sick.

-Look.

It's Jackie.

Boy, you're lucky, Jackie.

Uncle Ted won't let
me go on that ride.
-I'm going home.

-Why?

-I don't feel well.

Thank your lucky stars,
Bobby, that your Uncle
Ted didn't let you
go on the ride.
-I guess sometimes parents know
what they're talking about.
But I'd never tell them that.

MARTHA: Yeah, well,
I'll tell you one thing.
I'm still not happy about
Ted deceiving us like that,
don't you know.

-But Uncle Ted was sponsible.

He didn't let me
go on the rides.
-Exactamundo.

-Yeah.

Like he's right, Mom.

-That's right, sis.

So do I get to
look after the kids
the next time
you're out of town?
Huh?

-Eh.

OK.

I guess so.

-All right.

-Yeah.

Way to go.

-Oh.

That's a stain.

I did it on purpose.

-Now, I got to look
in your eyes here.
You've told me everything.

Nothing else gee-golly
happened, right?
-Nothing important.

-Another sweetie,
you big bon bon.
-Or a tub of popcorn,
my little jelly bean.
Extra butter flavoring.

-Hey, pipe down, Bob-O. It's
free food and a free movie,
huh.

-That's my Uncle Ted.

-Well, that's our show.

Thanks a lot.

[QUACKING]

Who's that?

-That's Felipe, the duck
from across the street.
-Well, why did the
duck cross the road?
-Because the
chicken's on vacation.
-Bye

-Bye.

[QUACKING]

[THEME MUSIC]