06x05 - Miracle on 34th St and Rural Route 1

[bunniefuu]

-Welcome to "Bobby's World."

Today is a really special show.

-I know.

It's our show about Christmas.

-You know what I remember
most about Christmas?
-What?

-All the great smells.

-Oh yeah.

Like when I pulled Uncle
Ted's finger, and--
-Bobby, just start the show.

[THEME MUSIC]

HOWARD: We're here.

MARTHA: Kelly, Derek, you
unpack the car quietly.
I'll get the twins.

Howard, you get Bobby.

-Boy, our Bobby's growing up.

-Oh, look at him.

He's exhausted.

Well, honey, he did
have quite an adventure
this Christmas, don't you know.

-He's certainly
going to have a story
to tell his grandchildren.

-Story to tell my grandchildren.

-How long til Christmas,
Grandpa Bobby?
-Well, it won't be long now.

-Grandpa, tell us
a Christmas story.
-Yeah.

And make it short
though, cause we
can't wait to open up presents.

-I know what you mean.

I could never wait to
open my presents either.
Now, I'm going to tell you a
story about the best Christmas
I ever had.

It all started with
my favorite smell.
-Oh, Grandpa Bobby,
you're just being silly.
-No, no, no.

One of the most wonderful
things about Christmas
is the way it smells.

And there's no smell like my
mom baking Christmas cookies.
-Mommy, Mommy, when's Christmas?

-Oh.

Tomorrow, honey.

-Mommy, Mommy, I can't wait.

MARTHA: Well, rein it in there.

Hold your donkeys.

We have to drive you to
Grandma and Grandpa Knudsen
Burger Sven's first,
don't you know.
-Grandma and Grandpa
Knudsen Burger Sven.
It take almost as long to say
it as it does to drive there.
I just know what
I'm going to get,
a Captain Squash Game Master.

MARTHA: Hun, are
you sure you know
what Christmas is all about?

-Sure do.

Christmas is about
getting presents.
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hun.

Don't go eating all
the dough, or there
won't be enough frosted
whole-wheat fiber
holiday nuggets for dessert.

GRANDPA BOBBY
[VOICEOVER]: I'll never
forget the smell of the
outdoors as we drove
to Grammy Knudsen
Burger Sven's farm.
Or it could have been the
car freshener Dad bought.
Or maybe Roger's breath.

Anyway, we were
kind of bored till--
-I hate that song.

-Yeah, I've heard them all.

Somebody ought to
write a new one.
-Mom.

What's there to do?

-Bobby, hun, there is
something you can do.
Write a new Christmas carol.

-OK.

What should be in the song?

MARTHA: Well, all the things
you like about Christmas is all.
Well, for example, you
got your gee-cold snow.
Lots of snow.

DEREK: And put in
Frosty the Snowman.
KELLY: And the night
before Christmas.
HOWARD: And jingle bells.

BOBBY: And the three wise
men and round John Version
and a sleigh.

And I like Santa and
his eight tiny reindeer.
On Comedy, on Stupid,
on Donna, on Nixon.
MARTHA: And don't forget
Aunt Ruth's fruitcake.
HOWARD: Her fruitcake
weighs a ton.
-You know writing a
song isn't as easy
as Barry Manilow makes it sound.

Well, Roger, I guess it's time
to ask Dad if we're there yet.
I know, Roger.

But I'm a kid.

It's my job.

Dad, Dad, are we--

HOWARD: We're here.

BOBBY: Yet.

That's a first.

-Oh yeah, my little Martha's
here now with her babies.
-Oh, criminently.

Hello.

Where there them two
twins then here now?
-Don't laugh.

That's my family.

-I couldn't wait to tell Grandpa
and Grandma Knudsen Burger
Sven, I wanted a Captain Squash
Game Master for Christmas.
But there was only
one thing Grandpa
Sven like to talk about.

Shortcuts.

-Howard, did you
take the special
cutoff like I told you~?

It's so easy.

All you do is--
watch the pointer--
get off the Springfield exit.

-Well, we--

-Would have if we
had gotten lost.
-How come kids always
ask "are we there yet"
and adults always ask
"how did you get here"?
-Pee-yew.

There's that smell again.

Probably Bobby.

-Nah-uh.

-I'll bet it was
one of those smells
of Christmas, huh,
Grandpa Bobby.
-Nah.

It was Grammy's house.

It always smelled like that.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

-It's Uncle Ted and Aunt Ruth.

-h*, h*, h*.

How about Christmas
noogies for everybody.
-Oh, Ted.

Go away.

-Ted, it's Christmas.

-OK.

OK.

I got something even better.

Mistletoe.

-Oh, very funny, Ted.

AUNT RUTH: Oh, it's
my little Bobby.
HOWARD: Ruth, what
took you so long?
You and Ted left the
same time as we did.
-Well, you know
Ted's sweet tooth.
He had to stop at every Sticky's
restaurant on the interstate.
-Interstate?

Didn't you take
the Fisher cutoff?
HOWARD: Luckily, Uncle
Ted not only stopped
for saltwater taffy
and mistletoe.
He also stopped to get the
most important thing of all.
-OK.

Now, watch it.

Let me through.

-Careful.

-Watch it.

-Gramps, where in the world's
atlas is a tree stand?
-Be careful there.

-Hey, everybody, take a
gander at this beauty.
-A Christmas tree!

-Mm.

Just smell that tree huh.

-I love the smell
of Christmas trees,
because under a
Christmas tree is where
I'm going to find my
Captain Squash Game Master.
-Grandpa Bobby, would
you get to the point
where you open the
Christmas presents?
-I will.

I will.

-Yeah.

Yeah.

He's going to tell us about
decorating the Christmas tree,
aren't you?

-Soon.

Soon.

But you're jumping ahead.

First, I've got to tell
you about my cousins
from Philadelphia.

-What were they like?

GRANDPA BOBBY: Well,
they were from my Dad's
side of the family.

They were different than
Mom's side of the family.
-Sidney, Merry Christmas.

How you doing?

-Very well, Ted.

Thank you for inquiring.

-Merry Christmas, Mame.

-And a felicitous
greeting to you, Ruth.
-What's up, Jeffrey?

-Get a life, dweeb.

-Brianna.

-Kelly.

-That's when I figured--

---with this many people,
I'm sure I get a Captain
Squash Game Master
for Christmas.
And that's what
Christmas is all about.
-Look at these
funky old ornaments.
-I'm hanging my favorite here.

-Kelly.

Really?

A little hairy ornament.

JEFFREY: Hey, dork.

Move it.

I'm hanging mine here.

MAME: I think we should hang
the ornaments tastefully.
Smaller ones at the top, and
bigger ones at the bottom.
-Balderdash.

You've got to pile them all on.

-Ted, I think we have
to be careful not
to overdo the tinsel.

-Oh, come on.

You can never overdo the tinsel.

But I think you're
overdoing the lights.
-Nonsense.

Lights are more
important than tinsel.
-Oh come on.

Tinsel's more important.

-Get out of town.

HOWARD: Hey, it's--
it's Christmas.
Can't we just-- why don't
we just-- let's whoa-- why
don't we-- this is a
democracy we live in.
Come on, everybody.

-The nice thing about Christmas
is that it gives families
a chance to get
together and talk.
-Bobby, Bobby, the star.

-Bobby the Star.

NARRATOR: Bobby, how
did you become so good?
-It all started when I
got a Captain Squash Game
Master for a Christmas present.

CROWD: Bobby the Star.

Bobby the Star.

Bobby the Star.

Bobby the Star.

Bobby the Star.

Bobby the Star.

HOWARD: Bobby, the star, please.

-Huh?

-Bobby, I need the star for
the top of the Christmas tree.
OK.

Ted.

Plug her in.

ALL: Ooh.

Aah.

GRANDPA BOBBY
[VOICEOVER]: And then it
was time for Christmas dinner.

-Here's the bird.

Huh.

Huh.

-Of course, back then, I was
sitting at the kid's table.
-Kids, let me give
you the bird first.
-Ah.

Roast turkey.

Whew.

That stinks.

-Bobby.

-Word, Bobby.

You're sitting next to Derek's
socks drying on the radiator.
-I knew that.

-Bobby, why don't you say grace?

MARTHA: That's it, Mr. Mansy.

-OK.

Grace.

-That's a blessing.

Let's eat.

Come on.

Pass the food.

-Which way are we passing?

Left or right?

-Left.

-Right.

GRANDPA BOBBY [VOICEOVER]:
Of course, in all families,
Christmas dinner is
the time for turkey--
-I'm starved.

GRANDPA BOBBY [VOICEOVER]:
--mashed potatoes.
-Well, you know, that's
my favorite there.
GRANDPA BOBBY
[VOICEOVER]: --peas--
-This looks delicious.

GRANDPA BOBBY
[VOICEOVER]: Beets.
-Pass the jelly cranberry
sauce, would you?
-It's not cranberry sauce
without whole cranberries
in it.

-Yeah, and I suppose the
stuffing with the raisins
is better than the plain.

-It is.

-Is not.

DEREK: Is to.

JEFFREY: Is not.

DEREK: Is to.

JEFFREY: Is not.

-Is to.

-Is not.

-Luckily, the doorbell rang.

[DOORBELL]

Christmas spirit was
rapidly disappearing.
-I'll get it.

CAROLERS: Fa, la,
la, la, la, la, la.
-Well, who was it, Bobby?

-I don't know.

-Well, what did they say?

-[SINGING] Fa, la,
la, la, la, la.
Ew.

What's that smell?

-It wasn't me.

It's the vinyl on these chairs.

-Bobby's right.

I do smell something.

ALL: Smoke.

-Oh no.

It's the Christmas tree.

It's on fire.

Oh no.

The house is on fire.

How will Santa
get my toys to me?
[SNIFFING]

-I'm going to have
to give you guys
a bath when this night's over.

h*, h*, h*.

Well, let's see what
Bobby Generic wants.
Hm.

Oh my.

This is a pretty big list.

Well, Bobby's been a good boy.

So I'll give him
the Captain Squash
Game Master he wants so badly.

GRANDPA BOBBY
[VOICEOVER]: Now, I
was sure I was
never going to get
the Captain Squash Game Master.

-Luckily, nobody was injured.

You should never--

-Ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever--
-Overload a socket.

-That's right, Robert.

-Christmas trees can be a
real source of kindling.
-Mhm.

We recommend artificial trees.

-And keep your real trees
outside, where they belong.
-Doggies like that.

-Got to go, Bob-o.

-You have a Merry Christmas now.

-A Merry Christmas.

Bah Humbug.

This is not what
Christmas is all about.
-All I could think
about is I wasn't going
to get my Captain
Squash Game Master.
-I bet you weren't the only one.

-Well, you're right about that.

-This is the worst
Christmas ever.
-I'm not going to get anything.

UNCLE TED: Things
were going great
until they showed up and put
too many lights on the tree.
-Too many lights.

It was all that tinsel
you put on the tree.
-Tinsel?

You put on too many lights.

SIDNEY: Too much tinsel.

-Uh, Ted, Sidney, could I
have a word in edgewise?
[WHISTLE]

-My mom is trying to talk.

-Thanks, Bobby.

Why don't you two
put a sock in it?
Things are bad enough.

Let's try and make
the best of it.
Can't we all just get along?

-Come on, Bobby.

Let's see what else
we can save here now.
-Grandpas always
make lots of noise
when they stand up and do stuff.

I guess it comes with the job.

-Piano still works.

MARTHA: Everybody come here.

Over here by the tree.

I mean what's left of the tree.

-You won't believe
what happened next.
-Bobby, hun, this
present didn't burn.
And it's got your name
on it, don't you know.
-Really?

-Open it.

-A Captain Squash Game Master.

Now, this is what
Christmas is all about.
-It's not fair.

I asked for one of those too.

-I'm sorry, honey.

I bought you one, but it
was destroyed in the fire.
-[SNIFFLING] I--
I guess I can wait
until July when
it's my birthday.
-Here.

-What?

-You can have my Captain
Squash Game Master.
-Really?

I don't know what to say.

-Try thank you.

-You know, Bobby, you're OK.

GRANDPA BOBBY
[VOICEOVER]: I really
don't know what came over
me, but my mom said--
-Honey, that was
really kind of you.
I know how much you wanted that.

-It's OK, Mom.

I-- I-- I feel good.

-Well, my Mr. Mansy.

What you feel is
Christmas spirit.
That's what they
mean when they say
it's better to give than to get.

-Yeah.

I like this feeling.

So that's what
Christmas is all about.
HOWARD: That's my son.

He's a giver.

KELLY: Bobby, you are
short, but you are so great.
[CHATTER]

-Oh, I guess we've all been
kind of foolish, thinking
of ourselves rather than others.

Hey, look what I found.

Mistletoe.

-Oh, honestly, Ted.

-Look.

Look.

My fruitcake survived.

Who wants a piece?

-Ow.

Oh, I'll have a piece.

-Yeah, yeah, we were
just kidding you, Ruthie.
Hey, give me a big chunk.

-It's snowing.

GRANDMA: Snow.

Snow.

We're going to have a
white Christmas after all.
This is perfect.

-Now, we're really in
the spirit of Christmas.
Aren't we family?

-Merry Christmas.

Is it just me, or is it
cold in the living room?
[COUGH]

-Perfect.

We better get everything in
the barn before it's ruined.
-Well, we got everything
into the barn.
-Come on.

Push.

GRANDPA BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: Yes.

What a scene it was.

-I could just put them between
two slices of rye and eat them.
[SNIFFING]

-Boy, what smells?

[BAAING]

[MOOING]

[NEIGHING]

-Everybody check your shoes.

-Now, Ted.

-Well, it's finished.

-What's finished, hun?

-My new Christmas carol.

Kelly and Derek
wrote it down for me.
Everyone can sing along.

-Come on, everybody.

Bobby's going to lead us
in his new Christmas carol.
[SINGING] What is
Christmas all about?
EVERYBODY: Fa, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la.
-[SINGING] Here's the
list without a doubt.
EVERYBODY: Fa, la,
la, la, la, la.
[SINGING] There's lots
of snow and Frosty there.
The Knight upon his mare.

Some bells, three wise men,
round John Version on a sleigh.
And I really like Santa.

This is his special day.

He's got eight reindeer.

On Comedy, on Stupid,
on Donna, on Nixon.
And the other ones.

And there's Aunt
Ruth's fruitcake,
which probably weighs tons.

[SINGING] I haven't
mentioned the presents yet.
Because it's more fun
to give than to get.
This feeling of
giving I have found
is what we should
do all year round.
EVERYBODY: A spirit of
giving we have found
is what we should
do all year round.
-That's my boy.

AUNT RUTH: Well, it's
been some Christmas.
-Yeah.

We'll have to do it again, huh.

Fa, la, la, la, la,
and silent night.
-So that's when I learned the
true meaning of Christmas.
-OK.

Little man, go to sleep.

When you grow up, I hope you
remember what you learned
this Christmas, Bobby,
and tell others.
-Remember what?

-That's OK.

Never mind.

-It's always fun to
tease your parents.
-Oh.

That was-- that was
a wonderful show.
-Then why are you crying?

-I just-- I just always get
emotional around the holidays.
-I know.

I sometimes cry when my mom and
dad go away on holidays too.
-No.

I mean the holiday season.

-Oh, then can I have
something to eat?
-Why?

-I always get hungry
around the holidays.
-But it's not the
holidays right now.
I mean we're actually filming
this before the holidays.
-Then why are you crying?

-Goodbye.

-I have a song, but I
need to know the time.
Well, anyway,

[SINGING] And now it's just me.

SINGERS: La, la, la, la, la, la.

-[SINGING] Just little old me.

SINGERS: La, la, la, la, la.

-[SINGING] It's time
to go back to sleep.
SINGERS: La, la, la, la, la.

-[SINGING] So bye, bye from me.

SINGERS: La, la, la, la, la, la.