01x11 - Mr. Doctor/That's Edutainment

[bunniefuu]

G Brain, what do you want to do today?The

same thing we do every day, Pinky.

Endure Elmira, then try to take over the

world. The

situation's changed for Pinky and the

brain. No laboratory

alone in the rain and someone's

looking round for where they might be

found. It's Pinky or Pinky and the

brain, brain, brain, brain, brain, brain,

brain, brain, brain

trapped inside a store. A girl ran in the

door. She bought a discount turtle, but

ended up with more. Now Pinky and the

brain share a new domain.

Here's what the network wants. Why bother

to complain?The Earth remains a goal.

Some things they can't control. They're

Pinky, Elmira, and the brain. Brain.

I deeply present this.

Trolls. Mousies.

Oh, dear Elmira. We haven't seen you in a

while. I bought some fuzzy furries for a

checkup. I'll see if Dr. Tarantella is

available.

Yes?Stop whispering.

Elmira, a sack of animals. Get rid of

her. Tell her I'm busy taking a big rock

out of a monkey's tummy. I'm sorry,

Elmira, but Dr. Tarantella is in the

middle of ape surgery. Maybe you could

come back another day. Oh, I want

to see. Come back. Oh,

not again. Monkey, monkey, monkey.

Elmira, I'm very busy. Go away. Monkey,

clunky, clunky, clunky. Stop it.

I brought some fuzzy furries to

see. All right, settle

down. I'll examine your pets. Okey doke,

Mr. Doctor.

What do you have this time?

My parrot won't eat anything.

I don't suppose having a cantaloupe

wedged in his beak would have anything to

do with that.

Now, what else?My mousies are all

quiet.

It's a funny thing about mice. Freeze

them alive, and they tend to be quiet.

And it's all part of nature's wonderful

plan. Come back soon, cranky big head and

cranky big nose, and we can talk and have

some cocoa and ham. Please, I have a

lunch break soon.

It's a kitty cat. Uh,

yeah.

This isn't right.

I'm colder than a seal rump. If you say

that was fun, I shall scourge you.

Brain. Why do you suppose Elmira popped

us in the freezer?In the windswept

emptiness of her mind, it probably seemed

like a good idea. Anyway, it sure was

fun. Trolls.

Something yelped. What just yelped?

Silly mosey.

He's all happy and full of cereal.

This is the most amazing and confused

cat I've ever seen. Where did you find it?

Cranky Big Head gave some stuff to Mr.

p*ssy Wussy so he'd be like a dog, and

now he is.

I'll just say she found it. I'll spend

the rest of my career studying this weird

cat. I'll be rich. I'll be on talk

shows.

Whew. Sink or swim, eh, Brian?

Don't be cute. I wonder where Elmira has

chosen to defrost us.

It's Mr. p*ssy Wussy. The oaf is allowing

a doctor to examine the unfortunate

results of our failed doggy DNA

experiment. He'll discover the cat's

altered genetic code, Pinky. Are you

pondering what I'm pondering?I'll think

so, Brain. But suppose we do the hokey

pokey and turn ourselves around. Is that

what it's really all about?

You have the reasoning powers of gypsum.

Don't you see?Our DNA-altered cat would

be big news.

Good boy.

It would

be a media frenzy. Elmira would blurt out

our location. It would only be a matter

of time before Wally Faust and the

Circle found us again.

Oh, so what's your point, Chores?Don't

vex me or I shall pummel you into meal.

We must stop this doctor from examining

p*ssy Wussy. Come, Pinky.

Oh, sneaky, sneaky. Brain and all

sneaky.

Easy there, Rover. I'm going to win the

Nobel Prize.

Elmira, do you have more unusual animals?

I have my furry bunny from the bunny

tree. I'll show you right here

today.

And does your bunny also bark?

Bunnies don't bark.

Cut it out. I'm losing my temper. If it's

just a regular bunny, put it away.

Strat. She brought Shad the alien as

well. Elmira has a big bag filled with

all your most recent failures. How kind

of you to point that out.

Elmira. I

have a magic secret for you.

What is it, cranky big head?Take

your animals and leave here at once.

Why?A witch bear is coming

and will gobble everyone up. Scary.

The witchmare's coming! The witchmare's

coming! The witchmare's coming!

Elmira, what are you doing?I want to get

away before the witchmare eats me! Leave

the cat here. Don't be greedy.

No! Come, Pinky. We must

assist the oaf. Let go, Elmira! This is

my ticket to the big time! No, we gotta

run from the witchmare!

What is going

on?

Elmira. Run. The witch bear is coming.

Dr. Tarantella, what happened?Are you all

right?You've got to stop Elmira. Keep her

here. Since when do we stop Elmira from

leaving?You don't understand. She has a

cat that behaves like a dog. It barks and

plays and does doggy things. You really

did hit your head. You're talking like a

nut boy.

Elmira, it's all right. We're safe from

the witch bear.

No,

Mr. p*ssy Wussy! Come here, Mr. p*ssy

Wussy! Silly cat, dog, and cat!

What a zoo. Earth Brain, I am using this

opportunity to run away from the oaf. I

wish safety and convenience to you and

Earth Pinky. Thank you. Our common

misfortune has long since erased any hard

feelings. Where will you go?To San Diego.

To a comic book convention. It is the one

place on your planet that no one will

notice me. May you one day return to the

stars and sip methane with your people.

May you outlive all your creditors.

A big penny for your big thoughts, brain.

I wish only to rule a single planet out

of the billions that dot the universe.

Does that strike you as unreasonable?

Not really. You know, once I wished for a

fudge airplane, but I never got it.

Drawers. So be it, Pinky. Tomorrow I

shall turn dreams into reality. What are

we going to do tomorrow, Brain?The same

thing we do every day, Pinky. Try to

take over the world.

Brain, brain, brain, brain

And now, another quality program brought

to you by your local public access

channel. It's time for Brains World, the

fun-filled gabfest that's sweeping the

whole community. Oh,

hello, and welcome to Brain's World. The

talk show that dares to explain why I,

the brain, should rule the world. And I

should rule the world, don't you think?

Ow. Let's go to the phones.

I said let's go to the phones.

Pinky, that's you. Oh, sorry,

Brain. I was talking to the camera

person. Phyllis here just adopted a small

plastic child, didn't you, Phyllis?We're

live on the air, Pinky. You have to

pretend to call in. Well, don't we have

any real callers, Brain?This public

access show is only broadcast over a

three block radius. You'll have to pose

as a caller. Someday soon we'll get Byron

Allen's time slot in syndication. Then

our viewer base will more than double. In

the meantime, we have to be ready.

There's no telling who might be watching.

Things just get sadder and sadder for

you, don't they, Brain?Sometimes I hate

you, Pinky.

Ring. Uh, our first caller.

Hello. You're on Brain's World.

Hello. This is famous

TV star Byron Allen. I

watch you all the time. Do you have any

questions?Just one. Who is Byron

Allen?I meant regarding my quest for

world domination. Oh, right. Um,

what's the difference between the world

and your head?Excellent question.

Let me... I mean, your head is all big

and round and stuff and... Well, I'll get

them confused. No.

We seem to be having some trouble with

our phones. Educational programming?

You're telling me, Ziff Twyman, big TV

executive, that my network needs an

educational show?Nobody watches

educational shows. But, Sir, Congress is

mandating it. Congress can't tell me how

to program my network. Do you hear me?

Sir, I'm right over here. What took you

so long?We've got to get on this

educational mandate thing pronto.

Educational. It'll have to teach

something. It'll have to be boring. And

most of all, it'll have to be cheap. You

mean like this?It's the local public

access channel. So as you can see.

The world is big, round, and rotates

around the sun. My head, on the other

hand, doesn't rotate around the sun.

Hey, that teaches something. And it is

boring. And really cheap. Lock in on that

signal. And now I'd like to discuss my

proposal to replace the currency of

Norway with smoked fish. I'm home

now, see wowsies. It's time for a mousy

slingshot. Put on your dolly dresses.

No, this is a closed set.

Ready, ready?M.G. Wimsey?

Fousy!

Bouncy, woundsy!

Again! Ding dong.

Maybe I have friends now. Ohh

Phyllis, speak to me. Speak.

She can't speak, Pinky. She's not alive.

You are cold and cruel.

Some grown-up man people are here to see

you, cranky big head mousie. I'm Ziff

Twyman, president of ZTTV. I

watch your show on my network. Brain's

world will set the standard for

children's educational programming.

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm

pondering?I think so, Brain, but Peppa

Ann makes me sneeze. No, Pinky. If

we were on a real network, people might

actually watch our show. But Drane, this

isn't a children's show. Well, we'll add

some puppets. Gentlemen, we have a

deal. Swell, we'll draw up the contracts.

Cranky Big Yad Mousie's gonna be on

TV. Can I be on your show?

I'm pretty. You need more than looks to

make it in show business. First, you have

to get some talent. Where do I get some

of those?You go through the magic

portal to Talent Land. Look,

there it is. Run. Run to Talent

Land, Elmira. Talent

Land. Come, Pinky. We're off to the TV

studio. But, Brain, shouldn't we wait

till Elmira gets some talent?We can't

wait forever, Pinky.

Hi, I'm Taylor Tyler Hooby, stir-up

nobody likes Hooby. And you're watching

Yukka Yukka Yukka Kids TV. Stay tuned for

Mr. Brain's World.

Funny, huh

What a wonderful day to take over the

world. A day for a brand new leader.

Could I be yours?Should I

be yours?So give me the

planet and make it all mine. You can say

thank you by building a shrine. Could I

be yours?Should I be yours?Let me

be your leader. Please let me.

Please let me. Please let me be your

leader. Hello, children.

Today on Mr. Brain's World, we're going

to learn lots of things about me.

Oh, look, it's time for a visit with

Mr. Loyal's subject.

Hello, Your Highness. Hail you. Hello,

Mr. Loyal Subject. What's the secret

word for today?The secret word for today

is brain. Dolly, that's me.

That's right. It's important that all our

viewers learn to bow before the brain.

Hey, you said the secret word. You win.

Knock, knock. My goodness,

someone's at the door. Who could it be?

It's me, Pinky the Unstinky. Shut your

face. Shut your face. Hello, Pinky the

Unstinky. Hello, Mr. Loyal Subject.

Hello, Brain. You

said the secret word. I did?What's the

secret word, Brain?You

said the secret word again. Really?I've

never won anything before. What do I win,

Brain?Oh, oh, this

is so exciting. OK, that's enough. Enough

of what, brain?Stop

saying the secret word. What's the secret

word, brain?

Stop saying brain. Oh, you've won, brain.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop what,

brain?OK, that's

it. The secret word is not brain. Shut

your face. Shut your face, brain. Brain,

brain, brain, brain, brain, brain, brain,

brain. The

new, new secret word is pain.

Ding, Ding, Ding. Let's sing a

song about learning. School is where

you learn some stuff Like how to count to

three But Saturday is much more fun

You'll learn to worship me No thanks.

This show stinks. Why, Billy, it's

educational. It's like broccoli for the

mind. Learning is lots of fun It's not

just ABC's You'll learn who's number one

Now bow down on your knees

Talent-land,

talent-land. Learning is

learnalicious. Learning is learn-tacular.

Brainy bighead said I could be on the

TV show too!

We're back on the air in two minutes.

Educational TV is fun, Brain. Our

ratings are in the toilet. Oh, I'll get

them. That means nobody is watching us.

We're even behind the Nobody Likes Whovy

Arbor Day Hoedown. What are we going to

do, Pinky?Shut your face. Shut your face.

They'll cancel us if we don't get more

viewers. HmmMaybe we should

add more puppets. We're ready on the set.

Shut your face. Shut your face. What a

wonderful day to take over the world. A

day for a brand new leader. Could I be

yours?Should I be yours?

You said I could be on your show after I

got back from Talent Land! Well, I'm

back and I found my talent! Mousy paddle

boy! Ohh I'm pretty!

Shut your

horse! Shut your horse! I'm pretty!

This show's cool. I've never seen such

high numbers. Your ratings have gone

through the roof since you added Elmira

to the show. How ironic. I'm pretty.

Which means we have to cancel your show.

Did I miss something?According to these

government guidelines... Shows

that people actually watch are not

considered educational. Sorry, boys. I'm

going to miss those tiny puppets.

He was on Real People. Huh

Byron Allen. He was the co-host of Real

People, a pioneering infotainment show of

the early 80s. Oh, that explains it

then. I suppose we should go home and

prepare for tomorrow. Why?I

know why. Because it's a wonderful day to

take over the world. A day for a brand

new leader. Could you be us?Could

you be us?Shut your face.

Shut your

face.