07x03 - Change of Mind/Temp Trouble/The Perfect Match

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and friends! [drumbeat]

♪ We're, we're ♪

♪ Ready, ready ♪

♪ To, to ♪

♪ Party

♪ We're ready to party, we're ready ♪

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

[Wade] I'm scared!

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Dancing, fiesta, romancing, siesta ♪

♪ Samba, la bamba

♪ Ay caramba!

♪ Disguises, disguises

♪ Surprises, surprises

♪ And pies of, and pies of all sizes ♪

[yelling]

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Garfield and friends

[Garfield] The cartoon show to watch

when you won't settle for just any cartoon show.

[upbeat theme music]

[soft music]

[panting]

[thudding]

Kick Odie off the table, done.

[exotic music]

Mail Nermal to Abu Dhabi, done.

[cloth ripping]

Sharpen claws on furniture, finished.

Let's see what's next.

Ah, eat everything in the refrigerator.

Haven't done that yet.

You can get a lot more done in a day

if you make out a list in advance.

What is that cat up to now?

Garfield!

[chugging]

Garfield, you're eating the

dinner I was cooking for tonight!

[Garfield] Done.

Okay, I've had enough of this!

You are going to come back here

and answer for what you've done!

[Garfield] That's not on the list.

What a disgusting life, being a cricket.

So few chances for advancement.

You can work and work and sl*ve, and where does it get you?

Come back here!

Come here!

Hold on.

This could be something.

Right now!

All right, I've had enough of you!

I'm going to...

[Garfield] I know, Let me add it to the list.

Get kicked out of house, land in heap in geraniums.

Proceed.

[thudding]

Done.

All you ever do is sleep and eat.

Don't you have a conscience?

Conscience!

The cat needs a conscience.

Here's my chance.

Jon's arm is getting better.

Usually, he gets only me as far as the begonias.

Excuse me, cat,

but I couldn't help noticing that you are lacking something.

You are without a conscience.

I happen to be a conscience.

My card.

[dinging]

[Garfield] Ichabod Cricket.

Freelance Conscience.

Why does this remind me of a story I read once?

Pinocchio, by Carlo Collodi.

Open to the bookmark and read.

[Garfield] "And so, the puppet who wanted

"to be a boy adopted the cricket as his conscience and--"

[shushing]

Don't read too much.

You want to get one of those letters

from the lawyers at Disney?

[whimpering]

Not now, Odie.

I have to recook the meal Garfield ate.

[Garfield] Gee, I never had a conscience before.

We'll try it for a day.

Now, just do as I say,

and you'll never get in trouble again.

Garfield, play with Odie and keep him occupied.

[whimpering]

[Garfield] No, Odie,

I don't wanna play with you.

I hate silly doggy games and I--

Garfield, this is your conscience speaking.

You ought to do it.

You really think so?

Absolutely.

Jon will be impressed.

[panting]

[Garfield] Odie, you wanna play Rocket Launch?

[panting]

[whimpering]

[Garfield] Don't complain, Odie.

You agreed to play Rocket Launch.

A-okay.

Countdown.

Five, four.

[Garfield] Three, two, one.

Liftoff!

[whimpering]

I wonder if I left anything out of this lasagna.

[thudding]

[splattering]

[panting]

Oh, of course.

It needed a dog in it.

How could I be so foolish?

[slurping]

Garfield!

I think you should put some distance between you and Jon.

[playful music]

[Garfield] I didn't need you for that one.

Why couldn't she do the marketing?

"All you do is sit around the house all day, doing nothing."

Yeah, like watching hockey games is easy.

So, I say to the guy, "I am not a grasshopper."

I hate that, I'm a cricket.

[Garfield] Hold on,

Mr. Burnside dropped something.

Oh, boy!

A ten-pound, all cholesterol, all-fat,

tip-top, sirloin steak!

Mmm, I can feel my arteries hardening already.

[Ichabod] Garfield!

[Garfield] Oh, no!

You don't want to eat that.

[Garfield] Yes, I do!

Honest and truly, with steak sauce on it, I do!

It belongs to Mr. Burnside.

Your conscience is telling you to return it to him.

[groaning]

[Garfield] This conscience

stuff has its drawbacks.

Okay.

Aha! I shoulda known!

You're the one who swiped my ten-pound,

all-cholesterol, tip-top sirloin steak!

[Garfield] No!

No, I found it!

And I was gonna return it and,

you know, I don't even believe this,

and I know I'm telling the truth.

Conscience, hold on tight!

I'll pound you like a cheap steak, cat!

[Garfield] I wonder if you can trade in a conscience.

Maybe get a new set of instincts or something.

Just do as I tell you, and everything will be all right!

[Garfield] Don't walk.

But joy-boy is right behind me.

I'm gonna cross the street.

Stop!

The sign says "Don't walk!"

Your conscience says you have to wait till it says "Walk!"

[Garfield] Come on, change.

Come on, come on.

[dinging]

There, I can walk now.

[grunting, shuffling]

Aha, I got you now, cat!

You can't get away!

You're trapped!

You, I have to go grill a steak.

[Garfield] I'm trapped.

There's no way out.

Ooh, except through this door.

Halt!

The sign says do not enter.

Your conscience tells you that it

is wrong to disobey a sign like that.

[Garfield] I've gotten into

nothing but trouble listening to you!

I'm going in there, whatever it is.

Also, your conscience tells you

that this is the Elm Street Dog Kennel.

[growling]

[barking]

No!

Oh, no!

Down, boys!

No! Good dog!

No! Help, help!

Never do that to a cat!

Ow, or that!

Help!

[groaning]

You see?

If you'd listened to your conscience,

some of that wouldn't have happened.

[Garfield] Let's see.

I just remembered something about this book.

Ah, here it is.

Read this.

"And so, Pinocchio looked down at the cricket,

"and with one deliberate move,

"the wooden boy crushed the little beast."

It wasn't like that in the movie!

[Garfield] No, but that's the

way it was in the original book, and here.

Garfield, let's talk about this!

[clanging]

I'm your conscience, Garfield!

And your conscience says the movie had a happier ending!

Stop, listen to me!

Don't bash the cricket!

[playful music]

[lullaby music]

[snoring]

[Garfield] Hmm, the old stare

him in the face until he wakes up routine isn't working.

[snoring]

And the slap him silly with the

cat tail routine isn't making it either.

Time to call in the heavy a*tillery.

Odie!

[panting]

[snoring]

[yelling]

Yes!

It's the cold nose in the middle of the back routine,

gets him every time.

[upbeat music]

[sobbing]

Oh, gee.

Wait!

Let me have one last look at the old farmyard.

Farewell, trees.

Farewell, barn.

Farewell, coop.

Farewell, to my dear trusted friends,

Orson, Wade, Booker, Bo.

And before I go I would like to say

goodbye to the people of New York City individually.

Abercrombie, Alan A.

Abercrombie, Bernard Murray.

Enough of this!

Let us go.

Wait!

I have six million more names to read.

At least let me give my regards to Broadway!

Remember me to Herald Square!

Transform the limousine for air mode.

We return at once to Chickenopolis

for trial and sentencing.

[Together] Yes, Big c*ck-a-Doodle!

[whirring]

Orson, do something!

I wish I knew what.

[whirring]

[trumpet playing]

Will someone let the sheep in on this, man?

I mean, like, what happened?

That was the big c*ck-a-Doodle.

He's in charge of all the roosters.

He makes sure that they crow when they're supposed to

and that they guard the barnyard.

And he has taken our friend Roy

away because of a missing grape.

One grape, man?

Like, uno grapo, mono?

Roy was guarding the grape harvest

and it turned out one was missing.

It's my fault.

I ate one of the grapes.

Roy went to the market and bought

another grape to replace it.

He did?

But there was still one missing!

It's my fault.

Your fault, Booker?

Well, before Roy went on duty,

you had me watch the crops for awhile, Orson.

And, well, I ate a grape.

You ate a grape?

Well, you didn't tell me not to.

Then, the missing grape wasn't Roy's fault.

It was mine!

But, like, Booker, why'd you keep this a secret, man?

I was afraid.

Come on, guys!

We've gotta save Roy!

Hey, wait for me!

Sorry to wake you up, Lightning, but this is an emergency.

Like, how far is this Chickenopolis

place they've taken Roy, man?

I figure if we ride all night, we can be there by dawn.

[horses snorting]

Let's go!

[neighing]

[Bo] What kind of place is this Chickenopolis, man?

It's the secret homeland of all chickens and roosters!

[solemn music]

Roy Rooster, you know why you have been brought here.

How do you plead?

[banging]

Well, I thought this might be a good position,

oh, great and glorious capon.

I do not find that amusing.

Neither did I, but it was in the script again.

Sir, I cannot believe I am on trial here

because one measly little grape was missing.

[neighing]

It isn't the grape, man.

[Roy] Huh?

That was just the last straw

in a lifetime of failings as a rooster.

You've been spying on me?

Merely protecting the good name of rooster.

Roy, it is your job to crow at the crack of dawn, is it not?

To wake people up on the farm?

Uh, yes.

And how many times have you done this?

Well, it means getting up kinda early.

How many times?!

[suspenseful music]

None! [sobbing]

I've never done it!

[sobbing]

None?!

Roy, has it ever dawned on you that you could be

replaced by an inexpensive clock radio made in Taiwan?

[gulping]

[uptempo music]

Hold on!

[neighing]

Orson, slow down!

If we slow down, we may be too late!

Wade, you understand why I didn't speak up.

You understand being afraid.

Absolutely, chickie!

And you understand it always makes things worse.

Take it from me, I know.

You don't crow at dawn.

You don't guard the crops.

What do you do all day, Roy Rooster?

Uh, play practical jokes.

What do you do?

I play practical jokes.

So our scouts tell us.

You hit others with pies.

You cause pain and suffering

to others for your own amusement.

Yeah!

[Big c*ck-a-Doodle] You even laugh

at the discomfort of others.

[sighing]

Oh, go ahead.

Lock me up.

Throw away the key.

For the example you have set,

I should bust you down to an egg!

Roy Rooster, for being a disgrace

to the good name of chicken,

I hereby sentence you to--

Wait! Stop!

This is all wrong!

Roy is innocent!

What is the meaning of this?

The missing grape was my fault.

Roy wasn't even on duty yet when--

Stop!

It wasn't Roy's fault or Orson's!

[panting]

It was mine.

I ate the grape.

[crowd murmuring]

You?

Why didn't you tell us this back at the farm?

[whimpering]

Because I was afraid.

I kept my beak shut because,

well, I was afraid of what you'd do to me.

And you're not now afraid?

Sure I am!

But I couldn't live with myself if Roy

took the rap 'cause I was a coward!

[sobbing]

So whatever you're gonna do to him,

you ought to do it to me!

I'll tell you what I'm going to do to you, young chick.

[soft jazz music]

I'm going to say, you're going

to be quite a rooster someday.

Honesty and courage is all it takes.

And you seem to have plenty of it, young fellow.

All charges against Roy Rooster are hereby dismissed!

[cheering and applauding]

Have a safe journey home.

Maybe I'll give that crowing-at-dawn stuff a try.

If you don't, I know someone

who will be ready to take your job.

[clearing throat]

[crowing meekly]

c*ck-a-doodle doo?

Needs work.

Anyone want to stop somewheres and pick up some grapes?

[Orson] Wade!

[drum music]

[playful music]

[Jon] Garfield!

Dinner is ready!

[Garfield] Oh, what lovely words to wake up to.

[yawning]

[back cracking]

I fixed a small meal for you, Garfield,

because I have to get ready for my date.

I am going out with Frieda tonight,

and we are going to have a great,

oh, I just remembered, if I'm not home by 10:30,

I want you to--

[gasping]

[Garfield] What's for dessert?

There was food on those plates a minute ago.

I know!

I put it there myself!

[Garfield] And don't think

some of us don't appreciate it.

[crunching]

Garfield, the way you eat,

how am I ever to know when you've had enough?

[Garfield] Funny you should ask that.

I have here a list of the top ten ways

to tell when Garfield has had enough to eat.

Drum roll, please!

[drum music]

Number 10, has after-dinner mint the size of a volleyball.

Number nine, loud burp reported,

heard as far off as New Zealand.

Number eight, has to let his fur out another size.

Number seven, local mice starving

due to citywide cheese shortage.

Number six, passes on a 19th helping.

Number five, finally lets Odie have a bite.

Number four, cat stomach mistaken

for fur-covered Rose Parade float.

Number three, hesitates before

asking about a midnight snack.

Number two, owner of market where

Arbuckle shops retires to Tahiti at age 27.

And the number one way to tell

when Garfield has had enough to eat,

there's no more food left.

[triumphant music]

I won't pretend to know what's going on.

I don't even know how you ate all that food all by yourself.

[Garfield] I had to.

Odie was late.

You can have whatever's left.

[barking]

[groaning]

Well, maybe you won't be late next time.

[annoyed muttering]

What an odd coincidence that you should ask that, Odie.

I just happen to have here a list of the top ten reasons

why dates with Jon Arbuckle are so short.

Drum roll!

[drum music]

Number ten, most women don't appreciate

a dinner where a teenager asks, "You want fries with that?"

Number nine, women like being serenaded,

but not in the middle of the movie.

[crowd yelling]

Number eight, pasta not intended for external use.

Gee, I'm sorry.

Now, hold still.

Is that your earring or one of my meatballs?

[Garfield] Number seven,

romantic mood spoiled by phrase,

"You may have to get out and push."

[grunting]

Keep going. It's almost starting.

[Garfield] Number six, three words,

no animal imitations.

Number five, most women prefer adjoining seats at a concert.

Number four, Venus flytrap plant makes lousy corsage.

[muffled shrieking]

Gee, the man at the florist shop said you'd love it.

[Garfield] Number three,

forgot to double-check if it really was a costume party.

Oh, no, I distinctly recall on on my invitation

It said....

[Garfield] Number two,

watching test pattern infinitely more fun than tales

of winning high school dodge ball championship.

Then he threw the ball at me.

Then I threw the ball at him.

Then he threw the ball at me.

Then I threw the ball at him.

Then he threw the ball at me,

then I really threw the ball at him!

And the number one reason

why dates with Jon Arbuckle are short,

sometimes forgets pants.

[gasping, comical music]

[upbeat music]

I'm going out for my date, guys.

I'll be back later.

[Garfield] You'll be back sooner.

[humming]

[snickering]

Guy's gone for the evening

and the house is deserted, except for those pets.

Ought to be a pushover to rob.

[Garfield] What do you mean

I'll eat anything that Jon puts on the table?

[mumbling]

I'll have you know that there a number

of things I hate to find on the dinner table.

[snickering, inquisitive growling]

[Garfield] Yes!

[dinging]

Hit it, Bertie!

[drum music]

The top ten things Garfield hates

to find on the dinner table.

Number ten, raisins.

Number nine, pepperoni pizza with

pencil erasers instead of pepperoni.

Number eight, hot fudge sundae with ketchup on it.

Number seven, moose stew that still has the antlers in it.

Number six, more raisins.

Number five, tuna fish sandwich with live tuna in it.

Number four, snow tires.

Number three, lots more raisins.

Number two...

Nermal.

And the number one thing Garfield

hates to find on the dinner table, Nermal with raisins.

[upbeat music]

[gobbling]

I hired 'em for the day.

They're not bad.

[confused growling]

[suspenseful music]

Hm, just the dumb cat and dog home.

I'm gonna clean up here.

[barking]

[Garfield] Yeah, it's a burglar.

But I'm not concerned.

And you know why not?

I have a list of the top 10 reasons why

a burglar will fail in trying to rob our home.

Let's go.

[drum roll]

Number 10, that slippery throw rug in the living room.

[shouting]

Number nine, will probably fall down basement stairs.

[thudding, groaning]

Number eight, will then land in coal bin.

[thudding]

Number seven, will probably lean against hot furnace.

[sniffing]

[screaming]

Number six, upon leaving basement,

will barely avoid slipping on Odie's old doggie toy.

Number five, will not however, miss pile of my banana peels.

[shouting]

Number four, slipping on banana peel

leads to crash-landing in fireplace.

[crashing]

[sighing]

[sniffing]

Number three, three words, fire in fireplace.

[screaming]

Number two, Arbuckle will return home from date

after being gone 20 minutes and phone police.

[siren wailing]

[triumphant music]

And the number one reason why a burglar

will fail in trying to rob our home,

there's nothing worth stealing.

[somber music]

[upbeat music]

Come on, Arbuckle, the band's only rented for another hour.

I don't know why I put up with this cat.

[Garfield] I can tell you ten reasons why.

Number 10, I'm adorable.

Number nine, I'm handsome.

Number eight, I have my own series.

Number seven, Odie is dumber.

Number six...

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]