07x04 - My Fair Feline/Double Trouble Talk/Half-Baked Alaska

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends! [drumroll]

♪ We're ♪ We're

♪ Ready ♪ Ready

♪ To ♪ To

♪ Party

♪ We're ready to party we're ready ♪

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ I'm scared

♪ Come on in come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Let's go

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Dancing ♪ Fiesta

♪ Romancing ♪ Siesta

♪ Samba ♪ La Bamba

♪ Ay caramba

♪ Disguises! ♪ Disguises

♪ Surprises ♪ Surprises

♪ And pies of

♪ And pies of all sizes

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ You bet

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Garfield and Friends

[Garfield] I was gonna do something spontaneous here

but I've been too busy to plan it.

[playful music]

Garfield, if you want blueberry pancakes for breakfast

that is not the way to get them!

Using your electric blanket

for a griddle is energy-efficient!

Wait'll he finds where I was cooking the sausage.

I'll go find myself some breakfast in town

while he looks for the hash browns.

[playful music]

[Bumble] My word, Lamar, you have done wonders with them!

Yes, I have, haven't I?

And listen to this, my duly impressed friend.

♪ Meow ♪ Meow

♪ Meow

♪ Meow ♪ Meow

But then again, of course,

those cats are all of the finest breed.

[laughing] Nonsense, Bumble, it is my skill

as a trainer of felines that gets results!

Maybe I'll get lucky and someone's thrown out

two eggs over-easy with bacon, hash browns,

sourdough toast with grape jelly, and large orange juice.

[sighing] Aw shucks, scrambled!

[clattering]

You're saying you could take any mangy alley cat

and train him into a cat of fine breeding?

[laughing] Nonsense.

Nonsense, eh?

Well, would you care to wager on that?

Say, $1,000?

[chuckling] You have a bet.

Now, we'll just have to find an alley cat for you to train.

[clattering]

There's one.

[chomping]

[Garfield burping]

Ew, maybe I've made a mistake.

Uh, you mentioned something about food?

Your first lesson is in how to eat

like a pussycat of fine breeding.

Please, if you will take your seat at the...

Table.

We must learn to use our table utensils properly.

Now, here we have your appetizer fork,

your chilled salad fork, your shrimp fork,

your entree fork, your dessert fork,

your serving spoon, your runcible spoon,

your soup spoon, your dinner spoon,

your sherbet spoon, your butter knife,

your salad knife, your steak knife, and your pastry knife.

Do you understand what you're supposed to do?

[snapping] Got it!

[slurping]

[chaotic rock music]

[Garfield burping]

Oh, dear.

Hey, you think it's easy to gargle with matzo ba*ls?

Now where's the main course?

[pounding] We want dinner!

We want dinner!

Um, Jeeves is expecting you to help yourself.

Oh!

Don't mind if I do!

[chomping]

[Lamar sighing]

What's everyone else gonna eat?

I'm going to lose my bet if I don't do something

and the news will be here any minute to interview me.

Hey, that was a good breakfast!

How soon will lunch be ready?

Oh, uh, well, now that you've eaten, you must wash.

[gasping] Wash?

A cat has natural instincts to wash itself after eating.

Okay.

♪ Mama's little kittycat eats a pizza ♪

♪ Every time a pizza goes a-passing by ♪

♪ Hey put on the sausage

♪ Put on the cheese

♪ Hey

[Garfield screaming]

[Lamar yelping] [thudding]

Oh my gosh, I, I'm sorry, I, I,

I didn't know you were in there, I...

[Lamar growling]

I see I shall have to teach you how a cat washes itself.

You use your tongue silly, and you lick yourself, like this!

[slurping]

Isn't that kinda, like, unsanitary?

I'm gonna see if there's any more of that roast left.

Here at the Lamar School for Cats,

Professor Lamar is busily training felines

of high breeding.

Professor Lamar is a man of

great dignity and refined manners.

You lick yourself! [slurping]

Like this and...

Oh, uh, [chuckling] Hi.

Yeah, but, but, but, we had an appointment for today!

You can come back later, I'll be ready for you in an hour!

Oh, if they see that cat I'm training, I'm ruined!

I shall have to try drastic measures.

I'm going to have you associate

with others of fine breeding.

[classical music]

These are my five prized pupils,

surely some of their fine manners will rub off on you.

And now I must greet the press.

Hi guys, you like living here?

It's so boring!

Eating those tasteless fancy cat foods all day!

Being pampered and kept clean!

We get punished if we even slightly soil the litter box.

Boy, that is strict!

When was the last time you guys had a good greasy lasagna?

[Well-bred Cats] Lasagna?

We've heard about it.

But we've never tasted it!

Never tasted lasagna?

[sighing] We have to do something about this.

[majestic music]

Fortunately, we're only six blocks

from Luigi's Lasagna Home Delivery.

[dramatic music]

The wind is north northeast, perfecto!

[gentle music]

'ey, Mario, fire up all the ovens

and make as much as you can!

[Mario] Another order from the Arbuckle place?

No, they want it delivered to a cat school near here.

So, you made this bet with him, Mr. Bumble?

Indeed!

However, I would not be surprised if Lamar here

has trained that alley cat to behave!

Indeed, and if you will bring your camera this way,

I will show you the results of my tuteling.

Observe.

[chomping and burping]

[somber music]

Notice the grace, the fine breeding showed in their manners

and their, whoa!

Let me show you how refined they are!

Listen as they meow in perfect harmony!

And a one and a two and a...

[all burping]

Oh!

Come on, guys, there's a bad horror movie on TV!

[energetic music]

Well, it would appear you lost our little bet, Lamar!

[chuckling] Wait'll I put this on TV!

The viewers are gonna laugh themselves sick!

I'm ruined!

I'm out of business!

Well, I might as well get rid of this stupid girdle

and have something to eat.

[playful music]

[chomping]

Mm, hey, this stuff is [burping] good! [laughing]

See you later!

Try not to eat the tin plate, too!

Nice guy, but he could use a few lessons in manners.

[peaceful music]

[smooth jazz music]

[gentle music]

[triumphant music]

[thudding]

[gentle music]

[upbeat music]

[bright music]

[snoring]

[beeping and whirring]

[rooster crowing]

Morning already?

Morning, Lanolin.

What's so good about it?

Oh, sounds like someone got up

on the wrong side of the barn!

It's not fair.

I get up and do laundry, you get up and fix the fence

to keep the bull penned in, and Roy sleeps 'til noon!

[snoring]

[bull growling]

You're right, let's go tell Roy

he has to do his fair share, I'm sure he'll understand!

No, please, just five more minutes!

[grunting] Get up, Roy!

And do some work for a change!

I did my morning chore!

I woke everyone up at the crack of dawn!

You mean the timer on your CD player did!

That's right, every morning it plays that CD

of a rooster crowing while you stay in bed!

You're gonna rake the leaves.

Trim the hedges.

Mow the north 40.

Milk the cow.

Paint the barn.

And dig a new well!

Oh is that all?

And then after breakfast...

No!

No, let me get all this done first!

Mm-hmm, that should do it!

Making me do my share of the work.

Who do they think they are?

If I wanted to work, I'd get a job!

Good morning, sir, you look like

a man in need of cranellamahvin!

A what?

Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Gary Crowman

and I'm the owner and merculator

of the Famous Double Talk School!

Uh, repeat, the what?

The Famous Double Talk School!

Our handy course can teach anyone

to double talk in only six trivets!

With double talk, you'll be able to answer any question

and no one will be able to disagree with you!

Ahem, excuse me, you got any idea

how to get to the county fair?

Allow me to demonstrate.

Certainly, sir, you just go seven watt nix

north by northkrelm as you cross Fernman Boulevard,

you make a zork and watch for the big neon Fooglemayer

and you can't miss it!

Much obliged, sir!

Neon Fooglemayer?

See how easy it works?

I get it, the idea is to say something

but not to say anything!

You bet your fern and with this special instructional CD,

learning to double talk is easier than falling off of nerf.

It's guaranteed for seven fermits

or 20,000 gortnicks, whichever comes first.

Okay!

And if you're not absoly fabershimmed,

just returned the program for a full creemle.

I'll take it!

Fine, happy corling!

[laughing] This'll be great!

[CD] Welcome and a good vergling to you!

This is lesson one for the Famous Double Talk School.

Now, the first rule is to relax,

take a deep breath and let it out through your zorm.

My what?

[CD] Then in a loud, clear steppis, repeat after me:

A bird in the krelm is worth two in the yugger.

A bird in the krelm is worth two in the yugger.

[CD] Two glerms don't make a vark.

[Roy] Two glerms don't make a vark.

[CD] A stitch in zerp saves fitzle.

Look at this, Roy didn't trim the hedges

like he was supposed to!

The barn hasn't been painted, the new well isn't dug, wh...

Oh, there he is!

[Roy humming]

Roy!

[Roy yelping]

Hey, what's the big idea interrupting my rest period?

What's the big idea not doing any of your chores?

Oh, them!

Didn't you hear, Ors?

I had a bad freebly, I had to go to the wolkman

and have my kreel oblicated.

Oh, I, I'm sorry Roy, I didn't know!

I could do my chores but I might feen my glorman.

Oh, well, we don't want that to happen.

Now you just rest there and I'll get Wade to do your chores.

That's very gleeb of you, Orson!

Poor Roy, it must hurt to, uh, whatever it was.

[laughing] Oh, what a great skill!

Roy!

[Roy yelping]

Why hasn't the cow been milked?

Cow?

Oh, I was going to but she developed

a bad zimfing on the flan.

Whoa, we better have the vet take a look at her.

And let him check her clinics glinducts, both of 'em!

[Roy laughing]

This is great!

[snoring]

[beeping and whirring]

[CD] And now here's lesson two

of the Famous Double Talk School.

Repeat after me:

Don't count your kreebles before their flant.

Don't count your kreebles before their flant.

[CD] Honesty is the best ribofrosback.

Honesty is the best ribofrosback.

[CD] A fellman saved is a fellman earned.

[Roy yawning]

Oh, what a beautiful day!

Wonder if Orson and Lanolin are going to try

to get me to do any work today [laughing].

[clattering]

What do you mean it's my zelman to zig?

You're supposed to claversnap at all

the gleebular drims on this prag!

Don't you comerlahicker to me, freemblat,

I'm the hosfire kablink around here don't you fanork it!

How did they learn to double talk, and so thoroughly?

What's up, guys?

Because of Orson acquivvoly borkit!

Excuse me but I most crebulately did streen!

Wait a minute, I need my double talk dictionary!

[thudding]

Acquivvoly borkit, acquivvoly borkit, acquivvoly,

[bull growling] ah-ha, here it is!

Ah, here it is, acquivvoly borkit means the bull is loose.

Huh, how do you like that?

The bull is loose.

You know, if I didn't have this book, the way they're

talking I never would have known that, that, that...

Acquivvoly borkit!

[action music]

Help, help, the bull is loose!

I can tell you what do to, Roy!

Please do, tell me quick!

Simple, your focash his wugwump

and cled the entire cleem until he gazorks!

Huh, well you're a lot of help.

[action music]

[Roy screaming]

[crashing]

Oh, toro, toro, toro!

[bull growling]

Toro, toro!

Ole!

That oughta hold him.

Roy, are you okay?

I think I broke my schmidlap.

Now Roy, about your chores...

I'll do them!

I'll do all my chores, I'll get up early,

and do all of them and never double talk

my way out of them again!

Well, looks like Roy's learned this fazblat.

Well, you know what they say.

BOTH: Krelmafreem, borkafreem!

[both laughing]

By the way, kids, if you want

your very own double talk lessons,

just send 10 gibbles in a stamped self-addressed gleedner

to Famous Double Talk School,

P.O Box two one zorf spee seven brabner,

Forfington, Carplevania.

And don't forget to include your weegzug, thank you!

That was blefner.

[energetic music]

[phone ringing]

[calm music]

Hello?

Oh, hello Mr. McDougal!

[Odie barking]

Not now, Odie, it's Mr. McDougal, my new boss!

Uh, yes, sir, what can I do for you?

Have you forgotten you invited me

for dinner tonight, Arbuckle?

No, I won't throw the stick, I have to make sure

Jon's not ordering a pizza without telling me!

I have a great dinner ready for us,

I have a lasagna cooling on the windowsill!

Lasagna on the windowsill!

[chomping]

Ah, I admire the way you plan ahead, Arbuckle!

[Jon] And I have a chocolate cake in the refrigerator.

Chocolate cake!

I like your style, Arbuckle, I really think

you might be the man to run our office in Alaska!

Office in Alaska?

Office in Alaska?

Great salary, of course you'd have to move yourself

and your pets but we'll discuss it when I get there.

Uh, yeah, we'll discuss it when you get there, uh, here.

Gee, I don't wanna move to Alaska, I don't think.

I'd better make sure everything's ready for tonight.

Odie, Jon might move to Alaska!

[Odie babbling]

I feel the same way!

I don't wanna be in Alaska!

I wanna be here, I wanna be at home, I wanna be...

[tense music]

As far away from this person as possible!

[zany action music]

Living in Alaska, what would my life be like?

It'd be cold, brr, very cold!

I can just see it now, I...

Hold it, there's nothing really wrong with your set,

all those wiggly things means

we're starting a fantasy sequence.

Okay, proceed.

What would my life be like in Alaska?

[wind howling]

[ominous music]

[doorbell ringing]

And here's your tip, thanks!

Your pizza, Garfield.

I hope this one's not cold like the last one.

[thudding] [Garfield yelping]

Ooh, that smarts!

I knew I shouldn't have asked for it with the hard salami!

[thudding]

Here, give this to the city

in case they have an open manhole.

Why don't you go see what's in the icebox?

See what's in the icebox?

The whole house is an icebox!

The refrigerator is the warmest place for 10 miles!

See what's in the refrigerator?

How about a bear?

Hey, you!

You can't eat that ham!

[polar bear roaring]

Uh, like I said, you can't eat that ham

without a side of coleslaw!

Help, help, bear in the kitchen!

[zany action music]

Real live bear in the kitchen!

Help, indigenous species, help!

The bear is...

Huh?

Odie, we have to stop Jon from taking that job in Alaska.

But how?

How could he do this to us?

Doesn't he have a conscience?

[gasping] Odie, that's the answer!

Remember that cricket who acted as my conscience

in that cartoon a few weeks ago?

Come on, we have to find him!

[Odie panting and yelping]

I just got a change of address form from him,

he's living down by the lake!

[tense music]

[owl hooting]

No, no, no, no,

I got out of the conscience business months ago.

No call for it these days,

I've been making a good living doing sound effects.

Sound effects?

Absolutely!

Have you ever been to a movie and heard this?

[clearing throat]

[crickets chirping]

Sure!

That's me!

So you want me to give you good advice?

No, I want you to give someone else bad advice.

[calm music]

Looks like dinner's already started.

Hope we're in time.

Mr. McDougal about this offer to go work in Alaska...

Talk later, Arbuckle, I'm starved!

I'll go get dinner, right away!

Okay now, remember what I told you to say.

Got it!

[crickets chirping]

Here's dinner, Mr. McDougal.

I'll start serving the salad.

[panting] What a long climb!

I wish Garfield lived with someone shorter.

Hello in there!

[Echo] Hello in there, hello in there.

Absolutely empty in there, must be a cartoonist.

This is my special salad, sir,

I put in oil, vinegar, and croutons, then I toss lightly...

And then you put it on your head.

And then I put it on my head.

[squishing and tapping]

Arbuckle!

I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that, sir!

Uh, have some lasagna!

It's got cheese and sausage...

- And your old gym shorts!

And my old gym shorts!

No, I mean, it's good!

Let me serve you some!

I always serve it piping hot!

Right in the fat guy's lap!

And right in the fat guy's lap!

[Mr. McDougal yelping]

Mr. McDinner, I'm real sorry about this dougal

but I have dessert!

Please, sit down, relax.

And let me shove it in your face.

And let me shove it in your face!

No, I shouldn't do this!

Yes, you should, this is your conscience speaking!

Yes, I will!

No, I shouldn't!

Oh, should I or shouldn't I?

Arbuckle, if you hit me with that cake,

you can forget about that great job in Alaska!

Let him have it.

I have to do what my conscience tells me!

[dramatic music]

[both chuckling]

That's it, Arbuckle, you can forget about Alaska!

I don't know what came over me

but my conscience said I had to do it!

You guys haven't eaten, I haven't eaten,

you wanna go get us a monster-sized pizza?

Lay some cash on me

and I'll be back in a jiffy with the pie!

I'll just take my wallet out...

And you'll give all your money to the cricket!

And I'll give all my money to the cricket!

[action music]

[cricket chirping] Huh?

[Odie barking] Hey, come back here!

Hey, wait a minute! Hey, that's my money!

That's my wallet! Hey, come back!

[upbeat music]