This Time Next Year (2024)

[bunniefuu]

Ugh.

sh*t.

Oh, hi.

Did you make it out of the house?

Yeah, I'm, uh... I'm... I'm...

I'm at the tube.

Oh!

Good.

And nothing bad's happened?

No fallin' pianos.

No pigeons of the apocalypse.

Not yet.

I'm sure the New Year's Eve jinx

will get me in the end.

Like it does every year.

Okay, well, Minnie,

I'm here preparing your pies,

so you can go have a stress-free night,

celebrate with your boyfriend,

and see in the New Year.

So I say no

to letting the jinx ruin tonight.

Remember, it's only real...

If I let it be real.

Seriously, Leila, in the 16 years

we've been friends,

can you think of one New Year's Eve

that hasn't been

a complete disaster for me?

Do you really think I make this sh*t up?

- Well, no.

- Exactly!

I swear to you

the universe has it in for me.

I love you.

- Yeah. I love you, too.

- Have fun.

Nothing bad is gonna happen.

Minnie?

No.

Uh, sh*t.

Oh.

Sorry.

Oh!

Aw! Oh, damn it!

Due to a signal failure

and an incredibly unlikely combination

of other technical failures,

this train will be held in a tunnel

until further notice.

Happy New Year, folks!

Oh

eight, seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one.

Happy New Year!

No, no, no, no, no!

- Oh!

- Oh, no!

Sorry, sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

Happy birthday to me.

Pink on the moon

Cracks in the clues

One thing that is crystal clear

Crystal clear

My blood is all diamonds

When I'm with you

Pink on the moon

Cracks in the clues

One thing that is crystal clear

Crystal clear

My blood is all diamonds

When I'm with you

Finally, you are a year late.

Sorry. I... I got stuck.

Um, Greg, you d... you didn't tell me

- it was black tie.

- No one cares.

It's a bourgeois construct, isn't it?

Lucy.

Oh, I look like

such a bloody lemon, though!

So this must be Minnie.

Happy birthday.

sh*t, sorry.

Happy birthday.

Greg mentioned

you're a 1st of January baby.

- Just like my boyfriend.

- Thanks.

Um, I'm not really big

into birthdays, though.

So what do you do, Minnie?

Uh, Minnie has her own catering business.

Hi, can I, uh, get a gin tonic

as soon as you got 'em in?

It's not funny.

Yeah. I... I'll be back.

My blood is all diamonds

When I'm with you

Ugh!

At least the night can't get much worse.

Come on, Minnie.

You know, it's only real

if you let it be real.

Why would you say that! Why!

sh*t.

Hello? Hello!

Can anyone hear me?

I... I really need some help!

Can someone please go

and find Greg Bevans?

He's a short, angry man.

You can't miss him!

He's the only one not wearing black tie!

Hello?

Is someone there?

Hello?

Oh, thank God!

Can you help me? I... I'm stuck in here.

Oh, right.

So you locked yourself in?

No, the... the door handle broke.

Okay. Well, let me take a run at it.

You better stand well back

I don't want you to get hurt.

Oh, no, I... I think you need

to pull it towards you.

Oh, okay then.

Um... Hi!

Hi.

How long have you been in here?

Not long.

Since just after midnight.

Well, Happy New Year.

Happy New Year.

I'm Minnie. I came with Greg.

Ah, funny Greg's girlfriend.

So funny, he went home without me.

What are you still doing here?

I try to see the first sunrise

of every year.

It's a chance to start everything anew.

Oh, it's my least favorite day

of the year.

- I bloody hate it.

- Oh, you can't hate it.

It's my birthday.

Get out of here.

Oh, it's my birthday, too!

Uh. Yeah, I... I don't think

I've ever met anyone

with the same birthday as me,

1st of January.

Oh, I am such an idiot. It's your party.

You must be Lucy's boyfriend.

Yeah, Quinn.

Quinn?

Yeah.

- Quinn Hamilton?

- Yes.

Quinn Hamilton born

in Hampstead Hospital in 1990?

Yeah.

You! You stole my name!

Well, Mrs. Hamilton, at this rate

you're not having this baby tonight.

You need to get up.

Jostle things on a bit.

My money's on you,

having this first '90s baby now, Connie.

Midwife's right.

You gotta get up. Get things moving.

- I can't.

- Hey, you gotta breathe deep.

Like hippo.

None of these prissy little sheep sounds.

Moo!

- Like that, come on.

- Moo!

Oh, my days, that's not your laugh.

What's wrong with my laugh?

Don't make me laugh. Don't make me laugh.

Oh, it's worse.

Oh, I'm, scared Connie.

Well, it's a bit late now, innit?

You're gonna be alright.

Do you know what you're havin'?

Oh, I... it's a boy.

Got a name?

My husband likes Leopold after his uncle.

Do you know what name I've got planned?

Quinn. It's a family name.

My grandma said it held the luck

of the Irish.

Never knew a Quinn

who didn't lead a charmed life.

Girl or boy, this one's gonna be Quinn.

All right, here comes another one.

- Moo!

- Moo!

Moo!

And on a lighter note,

the first baby born

in the capital this year

has been announced.

So what was the name of the lucky chap?

Someone told me Quinn was a lucky name.

He's certainly been lucky so far.

Lucky indeed.

With a cash prize of 50,000,

that certainly gives young Quinn Hamilton

a very good start in life.

And why wouldn't they

just call you "Quinn", too?

You were all over the news.

Plus, I don't think

my mum could stomach it

after missing out on the prize money

by less than a minute.

Well, I think Minnie is a lovely name.

You haven't heard my full name.

Minnie Cooper.

Minnie Cooper like the car?

Wow. That's crazy.

Yep. I actually don't think

my parents noticed

for about two weeks.

You really think I stole your luck

as well as your name?

Well, hearing you say it out loud

makes me sound completely mental,

but yeah, I kind of think you did.

I have always had bad luck

on my birthday.

It's like the day's jinxed for me.

Oh, Minnie!

Minnie, wait for me! Minnie!

This would never have happened

to a Quinn Cooper.

This never would have happened

to a Quinn Cooper

It is not your fault.

Mind you this never would have happened

to a Quinn Cooper.

Yes, I get it!

Well, in that case, allow me

to take you for a birthday breakfast.

Thanks, but I need to shower.

I should probably let my boyfriend know

I'm not dead.

Can I get your number at least?

- Don't you have a girlfriend?

- It's only breakfast,

and it's not every day that you get

to meet your birthday twin.

So you can find me online

if you really want to.

Well, happy birthday, Minnie Cooper,

like the car.

Happy birthday, name stealer.

Morning, Lucky.

How was your night?

My favorite pet, sweetie.

Pbbt.

Good morning, Fleur.

Happy New Year.

What are you looking so happy about?

It's the 2nd of January, isn't it?

The day farthest away from my birthday.

Therefore, the best day of the year.

Nothing bad ever happens

on the 2nd of January.

I did notice though that the van is parked

on a double yellow line.

Is this leek milk?

I'm doing a leak-based diet this month.

Right. No, that's just uh, milk milk.

And can you move the van?

There's an amnesty on parking

when it's a bank holiday.

There's no amnesty

and it's not a bank holiday,

so...

What's that... what's that smell?

Oh, yeah, there's been a disaster.

Beverly burnt the pies.

Me and the new ovens

haven't been gettin' along.

We have a timer, Bev!

The pies take exactly 42 minutes!

Me and the timer

haven't been gettin' along.

Oh!

I'm so sorry, Minnie.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

One minute I'm thinkin'

about pies and pastry,

the next I'm frettin' about

the futility of existence.

Like what's the point?

We're all gonna die anyway.

Yeah, she zoomed too far out

on Google Maps.

Now she can't get back.

You know, the shamanic healer I saw in LA,

had an existential crisis just like this.

Fleur, can you remind me

what it is we pay you to do?

Answer the phones, organize deliveries,

be the sexy youthful face

of the organization.

So since the phone's not ringing

and we have no pies to deliver,

could you please move the van?

I'm so sorry, Minnie.

What the f*ck is happenin' in here?

Yeah, Bev, burnt the pies.

Look at the waste!

Do you not know the price

of butter right now?

This is the last thing I need!

I'm sorry. It's these new ovens.

Don't you dare blame the ovens!

Okay, let's just not argue

about ovens again, please.

Can we just focus on getting 40 new pies

baked and delivered by the end of the day?

I'll move the van.

I... I'm sorry,

but I need to get to the bank.

Oh, I'm sorry, I promise we'll fix it.

Oh, bugger off!

Not you. Greg.

Can you believe he abandons me

in a club on New Year's Eve

and now I'm the one getting arsey messages

about where I got to?

I think you're due an upgrade

on your boyfriend baggage.

Agreed, you could do

with better customer care.

Or free roaming at least.

- Right, I'm off.

- Wanna take Fleur with you?

No. I take care of the finances,

you lot take care of the bakin'.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

Van's been clamped.

Uh. well...

Ugh! Who else has got a spare set

of wheels we can borrow?

Doesn't Greg have a car?

No way.

Someone's finally emerged

from their sick bed, have they?

How's the migraine?

It's better, thank you.

Supposed to be brought on by sleeping

on a cold bathroom floor all night

because no one came to find me.

How was I meant to know

you were stuck?

I don't have a radar.

Like, "Boop, boop. Where's Minnie?"

Boop, boop. Minnie not located.

Must find Minnie.

Ting, ting, ting. Minnie found.

Target acquired. I'm radar.

Robo... I'm a robot.

Well, if you just

kept your phone fully charged,

then you wouldn't have to sleep

in a toilet.

Hmm, thank you, that's...

That's a great idea, Greg.

Now listen, um, I kind of need

to borrow your car.

Boop, boop. Negative.

Car not allowed for Minnie.

Boop, boop, boop, ding, ding, ding.

- Okay, okay.

- Boop, boop.

No more booping, please!

- Ting, ting.

- God, just stop!

- Ding, ding, ding.

- Greg, okay, just stop!

Listen.

Hello?

Boop, boop.

Hey, hey, look, if...

If you give me the car,

I swear I will make it up to you tonight.

Yeah, I might even dress up

as a sexy dental nurse again.

Yeah, I know how you love it

when I talk dirty to you

about your flossing schedule.

Yeah, I might even buy you

that special pink mouthwash.

Minnie?

Greg?

No, um, Quinn.

Pardon?

Quinn Hamilton?

Oh my God!

Hi. I don't...

I don't... I don't actually...

I don't actually know

how that happened.

Uh, you need to borrow a car?

Uh, no. No, I'm good.

Uh, yes, no. Yes, I do.

I do need to borrow a car.

Well, I have a car you could borrow.

That is nice of you,

but my boyfriend has a car.

Well, if you borrow my car,

you won't need to pick up

that special pink mouthwash,

as fun as that sounds.

Oh, Jesus.

Don't stand there like salivating dogs,

do something.

Hi.

- Hi!

- Hi!

One car, yours for the day.

Yes, I actually don't think

I should drive that.

People will die.

I'm Quinn.

Hi, I'm Leila. Thanks for helpin' us out.

Pleasure.

I'm Fleur, I'm a Sagittarius,

I get easily excited.

I'll go and guard the car.

It's... isn't a great area.

Someone stole the bus stop last week.

Oi, you, touch that car

and you're goin' in a pie!

Should I grab some boxes?

Uh, yeah, sure.

So how come you drive

such a ridiculously fancy car?

You a spy or something?

No, I'm a management consultant.

Oh my God, that is exactly

what a spy would say!

Wow! Where to first?

Okay, today's deliveries are

Newnham Centre,

- four pies.

- Mm-hmm.

Then we go to Stratford Community Centre,

three pies.

Tottenham Social Centre, four pies.

Edmonton Community Centre, three pies.

Buckhurst Hill Community,

love it there, two pies.

Uh, Forest Gate Social Centre, five pies.

God's Own Social Centre, two pies.

All Souls Clubhouse, three pies.

East London Social Centre,

finishing it all up

with 14 pies.

- You okay?

- That's a lot of pies.

- That's a lot of pies.

- That's a lot of pies.

Hello!

Oh, Minnie!

We haven't seen you

on deliveries in a while.

Who's this fella then?

This is Quinn.

He's helping out for the day.

We have so many extra visitors on pie day.

Everyone loves your pies.

Only decent hot meals

some of them can afford.

Come on.

How you been, Mrs. Mentis?

Your bunions any better?

Oh, I can't complain, but I do.

Everyone needs a hobby, don't they?

- Hi.

- Hi.

I'm sure my Philip

would have lived a little longer

if only he'd had more to complain about.

Right, Quince,

if you could just put those pies

straight into the fridge.

No problem.

Is this the boyfriend Fleur mentioned?

Oh, he's, um, he's not my boyfriend.

Well, I've got a strapping chap

like you in the building,

could you take a look

at a blocked air vent?

I'm doin' the ladies hair

next door and it's awful stuffy.

Lead the way.

Thanks.

Okay, Shirley, no cheating this time.

Seventeen. Where's my dancing queen?

Hoo, hoo, hoo!

I'm sorry, the cat was beyond

the call of duty.

I can't believe how savage they are.

I mean I... I almost lost an arm.

It's amazing what you do for these people.

Nobel Prize-winning stuff,

pastry for pensioners.

And you're a lifeline to them.

And people need that connection

in their day,

someone to pop in, check they're okay.

It's kind of wonderful.

Not that brilliant.

Not financially anyway.

Well, you need to start charging

for cat collarin'.

Oh, you want to kiss it better.

I uh...

I don't suppose you fancy

a fortune cookie, do you?

I... I deliver one with every pie.

Always strangely accurate,

like the universe knows exactly

what to say.

Oh!

You will meet a relatively

helpful stranger who's terrible

at washing up

and embarrassingly afraid of cats.

Can we get some real food now?

Well, lucky for you, Quinn Hamilton,

there's one large pie left.

Now if it's okay with you,

I know someone who would love

to share this with us.

Bloody hell.

Is this where you grew up?

It is.

Though I saw it from a mile away,

but this feels like a different planet.

Hello?

- Someone there?

- Mum.

Quinn.

I've, uh, brought someone to see you.

Quinn, I wasn't expecting you.

Look at the state of me,

I'm not fit for house calls.

You look great, Mum.

Uh, this is Minnie.

Hello.

The one that should have been

called Quinn.

Minnie.

Minnie, gosh, aren't you pretty?

Um, uh, we brought you a pie.

Oh. Thank you.

I thought of your mother

many times over the years.

She helped me a great deal.

She told me.

She, uh, also mentioned you took the name

she had planned for me.

No, no, that's not how it was.

I meant it as a tribute to her after the...

All the help she gave me.

I tried to find her afterwards,

to thank her,

the hospital wouldn't give me her details.

Mum, you cannot get to her like that, Mum.

I never wanted to be in the paper,

I didn't ask for that silly prize money.

It's okay, Mum. It's okay.

If only I could see her and explain.

Well, uh, wouldn't worry about it.

It was a long time ago.

Why don't I get her to give you a call?

I'm sure she'll tell you

it's all forgotten.

Would you? Would you really?

Should we, uh, go through, Mum?

Yes. Yes.

Thank you.

Who is it that plays chess around here?

Oh, that's Quinn. Plays against himself.

Makes a move every time he's here.

County champion when he was eight.

I think I had this t-shirt.

We really could have been twins.

I really don't think

Minnie wants to see this.

Let's put this in the oven, shall we?

Minnie is the most incredible chef.

People love her pies.

Oh, I'm sorry,

I need to take this. do you mind?

Oh, of course, take your time.

Hello. Yeah, how's it going?

What?

Oh, come on, Leila,

can't you ask him to do something?

- Darling, did you pick up my pills?

- Yeah.

No, Leila, it's not alright!

Yeah.

Yeah, alright, I'll speak to you later.

Is everything okay?

No, it's not okay.

The bank won't extend our loan,

which basically means

our business is bust.

Well, surely there's a way.

New investors, a bridging loan.

Look, Quinn,

I really appreciate your help today,

but you don't know anything

about my situation.

I doubt you've ever had

financial difficulties.

I mean look at this place.

- I'm...

- Don't touch it, don't touch it.

- Mum.

- You might cut yourself.

Quinn, there's broken glass.

Don't let her touch it!

You'll cut yourself.

- It's fine, Mum.

- You'll cut yourself.

Well,

no one's gonna touch it, Mum.

- Please I think it's best you just leave.

- She might cut herself.

Sorry.

Come on, let's get you upstairs.

Quinn, it's Dad, I'm sorry

it's taken me a while.

Okay, a4 to c3.

Now I realize

that leaves my bishop wide open.

Listen, I know I said

we'd finish the game in person,

but it looks like I'm not going

to be back from New York

until Easter now.

I'm really sorry, son, but I...

I hope you're looking after your mother.

Remember, you are the man

of the house now.

Oh, and a happy birthday.

Uh, we're at Elaine's family's

for the holidays,

so nowhere near a post office

unfortunately,

but I will bring you something

back on my...

So you're ready to come back

to the dark side?

Won't be for long, Dad.

Oh, don't worry, you'll always have

a room here, Minnie Moo, always.

What are you gonna do

with all your clocks then?

Don't worry about me,

I've still got my workshop.

Dinner's ready!

Quieter out there anyway.

You're a foolhardy dreamer,

just like your father.

Running businesses is not our world.

The system's set up so the rich get richer

and the poor get screwed.

Oh, there's no need

to be so hard on her,

it's bad luck is all and tough climate.

Oh, wait a second,

I've just got to set that recorder

for Bake Off.

It's pie week, Minnie Moo.

You risk, you lose,

that's what I've learnt in this life.

You think I wanted to be

a broke, unemployed loser

moving home in my thirties?

It's just hard for a mother

to watch her child struggle.

And you seem to struggle more than most.

Never guess who I got introduced

to the other day.

Tara Hamilton.

I don't wanna hear that woman's name.

Apparently, you got this whole

name stealing thing wrong.

I have no interest

in dredging up the past.

Well, I'll get you the number,

just in case

you change your mind.

Tara bleeding Hamilton.

You'll be fine.

There are a million restaurants out there.

Do you know how many fussy, snobby,

testosterone-fuelled kitchens

I've worked in?

I'm not going back to that.

It sounds like Leila's fault.

I mean, you were in charge of the baking,

she was in charge of the finances.

You ran out of money, not dough.

It's quite funny.

Um, voice note, little joke,

uh, money, dough,

pun pertaining to baking.

It wasn't her fault.

You said she spent a fortune on new ovens

and the old ones are fine.

Yeah, well, they were temperamental.

Look, you need to get more product

out there in less time.

It's simple business dynamics,

you dump, you run.

Greg, I'm not gonna dump and run.

The whole thing is about

valuable human interaction.

Exactly, valuable. Monetize it.

Look, I don't suppose

you're going to help me

move the last of my furniture into storage

this weekend, could you?

- Minnie.

- Please. Please.

Look, Minnie,

I don't wanna sound like a twat,

but I can't expend any more energy

on your dramas right now.

My dramas?

God, I'm so sorry, Greg,

I didn't realize my life was

so exhausting for you.

It's okay.

I appreciate that, but hey, it's okay.

I'm gonna go for a run,

get my endorphins pumping,

get my sweat on.

Um, you're resourceful,

you're plucky, you'll be fine.

Ciao, bella.

Ciao, bella?

What the f*ck?

The conga!

What the hell is going on?

Minnie, you would not believe it.

It's a Christmas miracle,

just not at Christmas.

We've had a huge pie order,

all paid up front.

Oh, yes!

Bigger than the multiple orgasm

I had with Harry Styles

in his yacht in Mexico.

Uh, who from?

Who cares? We're in the money!

I don't think we should be dancing,

we should be baking.

There's always time for dancing.

Bev!

What did you do that for?

- What a mess!

- Fleur did it, too!

Money is fine to throw

in the air, everyone knows that.

Not flour, Bev.

- Hello!

- Hi!

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

You ordered 200 pies?

Uh, are you completely insane?

And I guess we'll pick this up

first thing Monday morning.

Thank you.

Welcome, Minnie.

I don't need you to bail me out, Quinn.

I'm not some charity case.

I really like the pies.

And I thought my colleagues and clients

would like them, too.

Massively undercharging, by the way.

Hmm. Well, luckily,

I didn't set up my business

so I can feed rich city boys lunch.

You know what makes you walk

slightly off center?

What does?

That massive chip you keep

carrying around on your shoulder.

Look, your pies are good,

you clearly have a market,

but you're not makin' any money.

You need to diversify your client base

and raise the prices.

That is unbelievably sweet of you,

but I don't need you to

management consultancy me.

I'm not some damsel in distress looking

for a knight with a shining,

bleeding credit card!

You have a chef that burns the pies,

a driver that loses the van,

an MD too stubborn to compromise,

even if it means losing her business.

I usually charge 500 an hour.

You can have that summation for free.

Thanks, but I'm not sure I need advice

from a spoiled public schoolboy

whose trust fund probably

bought him this business.

You have no idea about my life,

and this whole hard done

by working-class routine

is deeply unattractive.

I don't need you to find me attractive.

Stop talking, Fleur, we're leaving!

It's like he's your sexy nemesis

or somethin'.

Who's sexy?

Minnie's love twin.

He's not my love twin!

Oh God, I was so horrible!

I don't know what came over me.

Well, I'm glad he's got money to burn,

he bought us time.

Right, I'm off to see the bank man again.

Want me to come?

Will you tell him you put our prices up

and use cheaper ingredients?

Then no.

Quick game?

Yeah, why not?

Ooh! Ian, you've not been practicing.

Yeah, I know. I get you next time.

So, I'm gonna ask Leila to marry me.

What?

- Yeah.

- Do you have a ring?

Yeah.

Oh my God, I know exactly

how you need to do it!

And, I wanted to ask you something.

I know it's not my place,

and I hate to put you on the spot,

but would you consider giving up

the business?

What?

It's k*lling her, Min, okay?

She's so stressed all the time.

And this latest order,

it's just a Band-Aid

on a much bigger problem.

Well, we've made it work for four years.

Yeah, because you work

nearly every single hour

of every single day,

and because you pay yourselves

basically nothing.

When was the last time

you looked at the accounts?

Did she even tell you

that she'd been offered a job

at a fashion start-up?

No.

She takes it on all herself.

And she just hates the idea

of letting you down.

I'm not saying this

to be a sh*t-stirrer, Min.

I really... I'm not, but...

It's like you know,

when Sonic the Hedgehog

goes into invincibility mode?

You know, the music goes all up-tempo,

and he's in his little bubble,

and he's knocking everything

out of the park.

Yes.

Okay, so, I wanna be

her invincibility mode.

I wanna shield her from the bad stuff.

I love her,

and I hate seeing her like this.

I don't know.

Everything's such a mess right now.

Well, when life gets glitchy,

maybe you just need to press reset.

I just... I don't understand why.

You're never gonna champion

my invincibility bubble, Greg.

Is this about me not helping you move,

'cause I can contribute

to the cost of a man with a van.

I hope we can stay friends.

Well, friendly acquaintances. Ciao.

I just got nominated

for young journalist of the year.

Do you really think

you're gonna do better than me?

Don't think you're using

my Peloton bike anymore.

Or my Netflix login.

And you can unfollow me on Strava!

Humble pie?

I wanted to say I'm sorry for screaming

at you the other day like a crazed banshee

in front of your colleagues.

Well, I'm sorry for trying

to be your knight

with a shiny credit card.

Are you drunk?

Hopefully.

Wow!

Your pastries are positively

the most perfect thing

I've ever tasted.

Thanks, um, so, sorry, wh...

Why are you drinking alone in your office?

Lucy dumped me, which I expected.

And she posted a song about it,

which I didn't.

At least she doesn't mention your name.

Wow! Uh, who does that?

Apparently, break-up videos

are a thing now.

How about you?

Funny Greg still tickling your funny bone?

No, I broke up with him.

Wasn't gonna do a break-up video, though.

What happened?

Well, I realized...

I have to be with someone

who wants all of me,

not just the parts that suit them.

Someone who'll be there

for me when I need them

and who makes me feel like

there's no one else

in the world I'd rather be with.

Guess I wanna find my soulmate.

You do know how unlikely that is.

That you'll find that one person

who's destined for you.

Not everything's about statistics.

Some people have other commitments.

You can't always be there.

I think you can be, for the right person.

Anyway, um, your turn.

Spill your guts, Hamilton.

You know, I...

I've never ended a relationship.

I just disengage.

It's like drivin' a car.

You just take both hands

off the steering wheel.

It's just a matter of time.

Hello?

Yeah, one second.

sh*t!

You alright?

My Tinder date's outside.

Oh, um...

I can tell her to go.

Oh, God, no, I mean, uh,

don't... don't... don't do that.

Um, whiskey and Tinder, though,

great combo.

Really good for rebounding.

Not... not that

you're rebounding necessarily.

It's just, uh, I mean that...

That... that... that... she...

She could be your soulmate,

standing outside for... for we... no?

I'll be right down.

So beneath that spiky exterior,

Minnie Cooper, like the car,

is really just a diehard romantic

searching for a soulmate.

I really regret telling you that.

Well, I'm glad you did.

Do I smell like whiskey?

Only, um, like you bathed in it.

Bollocks.

"You will overcome

difficult times."

Hey.

You wanted to talk?

Yeah.

I've been going through the accounts.

When were you going to tell me?

What?

Just how much of your own money

you've put in to keep us afloat?

It was just a loan to cover the shortfall.

You might never get it back.

Babe, you know, I would never have agreed

to you risking your life savings.

I believe in doing what it takes.

Unlike you, hardly compromising.

Okay, well, I've done the maths.

If we give our notice now,

we can get out of our lease

for the rest of the year.

We sell the equipment, we sell the van,

I can give you back everything you put in.

No!

Leila! Look at you, you're exhausted.

Let's just pull the plug while we can.

You wanna to throw away

everything we've built?

Uh, well, it's not like we haven't tried.

Trust me, we can turn this around.

Some things just aren't meant to be.

Oh, yeah, Minnie Cooper

School of Business,

where you find your answer

in a f*cking fortune cookie.

- Okay.

- If you do this, I will never forgive you.

And don't think I'm gonna be here

to help build your next dream.

Or to listen to you complain

about not having made anything

of your sad little life.

Hey, I like my sad little life!

And you did spend too much on the ovens!

I don't think she took that very well.

f*ck!

Just call her.

We ain't the bleeding Kardashians.

No one's invested in this

decades-long grudge match

except you women.

Connie Cooper.

You look just the same as I remember you.

You look less sweaty, less pregnant.

Won't you come in?

So which part of this

did my prize money buy?

Shall we have tea?

I'll make us a pot

of Earl Grey with lemon.

I find it takes the bitterness out.

You didn't have any more then?

After your boy?

No, I... I was pregnant twice.

But... my husband said I shouldn't be

so upset about it.

That they weren't real babies yet.

No one has the right

to tell you how upset to be.

With the second, I fell in the bathroom.

I went into labor at six months.

I was here, alone.

Lost a lot of blood.

You know whose voice it was I heard

when I was half delusional?

Yours, telling me to breathe like a hippo.

I did try and find you.

I only gave him that name

because I wanted...

You don't need to explain.

I shouldn't have been so upset about it.

Everyone told me not to.

It was the final straw

in a run at bad luck.

Oh.

You got enough cans?

Corner shop had a sale on cans.

One man's best before date's

another man's dinner.

Everything's goin' up,

I don't know how we're supposed

to make things stretch.

Oh. Leila will come round, love.

Don't know if she will, though.

Never thought like this before.

These things have a way

of workin' themselves out.

I didn't speak to your father

for three weeks

after one of his failed ventures.

But you get past it. You have to.

Oh, you need to

look after yourself, Minnie.

What did you do for fun

before you worked every other day?

Is that Minnie?

- Hello, stranger.

- Hello.

I brought you a little food

from the outside world.

Oh my God.

Come on in.

Excuse me, that's my towel.

Oh, it's you. What are you doing here?

I mean, I was swimming.

Now I'm getting told off by you again.

Well, that's my towel.

You mean this towel?

Not a chance, got mine all wet.

I'll take

your nice, dry one. Thanks.

So is this just like a standard

Sunday morning activity for you?

- Stealing towels from hapless swimmers?

- Every Sunday.

So do you think you could take a break

from your stealing spree

and maybe grab some breakfast with me?

I could do breakfast.

At least until

your next Tinder date turns up.

Ouch.

Hello.

Oh.

So, uh, how's business going?

We had to close.

Sorry.

Let's not talk about work.

You'll probably start tryin'

to charge me an hourly rate

for your insights.

Fine.

I don't want to unleash

angry Minnie again.

I mean not now that we're friends.

Oh, we're friends, are we?

I can't believe

you love Star Wars.

What, because I'm a girl?

No, because you can't love it

if you lose Han Solo over Luke.

It's Luke's story!

It starts with him and it ends with him.

Well, Luke's the heart,

but Han Solo's the soul.

I mean without Han Solo,

you don't get Chewbacca.

You don't get the love story with Leia.

You don't get...

Cheers.

Whoa.

What? Get back here!

Get back here, you!

- No way!

- So you just meet up to swim?

No snogging?

No underwater groping?

No, we just swim, and talk,

and have coffee on the heath.

So have you shagged her yet?

No, we're just friends.

- You don't have friends who are girls.

- I have.

I've had friends who are girls.

Name one.

Sophie Ridgway, 6'4".

I was friends with her.

Yeah, before you shagged her.

Oh.

I know that face.

I invented that face.

Trust me, I'm not his type.

And you know, even if I was,

I have zero interest

in jumping into anything right now.

Why do men have to catch up playing sport?

I feel like women get to

catch up over a relaxing coffee.

Possibly pastries.

Jonesy, you suggested tennis.

Oh.

So what's wrong with this Minnie chick?

Nothing.

I mean it's great. She's smart.

She's funny.

I really like her.

Being single is like my boat

on this still lake

with no one else's sh*t to unsettle me.

And I can talk to her about stuff.

Real stuff.

Like we chat for hours,

but it feels like no time at all.

Sonia talks to me for five minutes,

it feels like hours.

You can bob around

on boring lakes when you're 50.

Right now you need

to get that tight little boat

of yours back on the high seas.

Ride some sexy waves.

Look, if I cross the line, I'll ruin it.

I always ruin it.

That's true.

Sonia thinks you should do therapy.

She also thinks we should have

a threesomes. Did I mention that?

I'm happy with things the way they are.

You're just saying that.

You like him, he's friend-zoned you.

Red flag, red flag, big f*cking red flag.

I know you're secretly hoping for more.

She'll be secretly hoping for more.

Women are always secretly hoping for more.

I'm not hoping for more.

Why can't I be friends with a funny...

- Oh!

- Sweet...

Thoughtful, intelligent, handsome guy?

Without...

Whoa!

Oh. f*ck.

Without everyone assuming

I'm hoping for more.

So should I tell Sonia

it's a no to the threesome?

Sex ruins relationships.

Come on.

- Look at the state of you.

- Otherwise pretty even match.

Have you spoken to Leila?

I tried, but I don't think

she can forgive me

for pulling the plug.

I can't compute you guys

not being friends.

Well, just as well I have

my new swimming friend.

If you're not repulsed by the idea

of licking his b*ll s*ck,

then he's not your friend.

Morning.

- Would you fancy a lick?

- Sorry, what?

Um, no, I'm good.

Thanks.

Uh, what were we talking about?

- My mum.

- Right.

Um, has she always had such

difficult time?

Well, she's always suffered with anxiety.

Dad left.

Got ten times worse.

She struggled leavin' the house.

Petrified of intruders.

Tried therapists, doctors, carers.

She only wants me.

Nah, you know, I shouldn't complain.

People have much bigger problems.

You know, once I said, "Enough",

"I'm not coming."

I found her at the bottom of the staircase

with a fractured ankle.

All because I left her at home, alone.

What kind of monster does that make me?

I... I'm... I'm sorry.

You really don't need to hear all this.

Don't be daft. I want to.

Look, I'm sorry I was such a d*ck to you

when we first met,

assuming your life must be...

easy.

You know, there is um, if...

If you have time, there's something

you could help me with.

Yeah.

You sure?

Sure.

So, let me get this straight.

You want to adopt an Alpaca?

Yep.

Mum finds it so hard to get out.

So every year for her birthday,

I go somewhere she might enjoy.

Take her through the video.

She can't get out and about in London.

At least I can bring

a little bit of London to her.

That's a really sweet idea.

So...

Do you mind takin' a video?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Happy birthday, Mum.

So, this year, I'm adopting you an Alpaca.

I really like this guy. His name's Cookie.

And I think he kind

of looks like great-uncle Harry.

What do you think? I think it's the hair.

Minnie likes that one over there,

but he smells a little musty.

Sorry.

Can you remember when you took me

to London Zoo that time?

Oh, I think I was about six or seven.

And we... we saw that penguin fall over

and took his friend down at the same time.

You laughed so hard

and then felt so bad about the laughing.

I remember that day so clearly.

Well, I love you, Mum.

And uh, happy birthday.

It was great.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

See you later.

So what happens now?

Your mum and Cookie become pen pals?

Ooh, Alpaca pals.

Palpacas.

Here you go.

I had fun today.

Yeah.

Me, too.

I... Actually I have to head off.

Yeah.

- I'll see you sometime soon.

- Mm-hmm.

Bye.

Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.

You picked up.

God, I'm so embarrassed!

I've been so stupid.

Maybe I just imagined

this connection between us.

I doubt you imagined it.

So much easier when I didn't like him.

When he was just this annoying, arrogant,

name-stealing Quinn.

I missed you.

I'm sorry,

I didn't handle things well at all.

No, I'm sorry that I've been distant.

I have been meaning to call.

It's taken me a while,

but I can see now how stressed

and depressed I was.

You were right, Minnie,

one of us needed to call it.

Come here.

I just hate failin'.

I spent so much money on that kitchen.

We didn't fail.

We baked a shedload of pies,

we made a lot of people happy.

I'd say that was a great kitchen.

Ah!

Player one returns.

I think we're gonna need more ice cream.

- Hey.

- Have you proposed yet?

No, I was waiting for you guys

to patch things up.

Listen, I need your help.

I have no idea

how she'd want me to do this.

I know exactly

how she'd want you to do it.

Leila, I love you.

And if this is the completely insane idea

of a proposal that you want,

then, well, this is

what you shall have, so...

Leila Jones, would you do me the immense,

immense honor of becoming my wife?

What the bloody f*ck is all this?

This is how you wanted

to be proposed to.

You know, you told me about it

when you were 16. Remember?

It was a seminal conversation.

When I'm proposed to,

I want it to be this huge,

epic production.

He'll dress as a knight

and ride through the park

on a unicorn,

surrounded by singing animals,

and merpeople,

and all these magical creatures.

A real life fairy tale!

There'll be a picnic

with all my favorite food

and I'll wear a massive Cinderella dress.

The whole Disney fantasy.

I don't remember that.

What?

It... it was a seminal conversation.

She doesn't remember.

Do you know how long it took

for me to make this costume?

You said you wanted

the Disney characters.

The dress.

You specifically mentioned a unicorn.

You did all of this over

some random conversation Minnie remembers?

Yeah, but look, a... a...

Are you gonna marry me or not?

Of course I am, you lunatic!

Oh!

It was a seminal conversation.

It's funny when you think

about love, romance,

marriage, all the effort of it,

when we're all really just blobs

of meat on bone,

stuck on a rock, hurtling round the sun,

towards our inevitable annihilation

and ultimate insignificance.

Mum?

What's wrong?

Tara begged me not to call an ambulance

and I couldn't get through to Quinn.

What are you wearing?

She's calmer now, but she was hysterical

when I called. Can you tell him

that she took some of these?

Um, fine.

Well, I didn't know you two were talking.

Just because you're living with us,

doesn't mean

I need to tell you

all my comings and goings, madam.

You see a house like this,

you think people got it all.

Sometimes it's the icing coverin'

over all the cracks in the cake.

- Where are you going?

- I'm on shift in half hour!

Don't...

- Hi.

- Quinn.

- Connie.

- Hello, Tara.

It's Minnie, I'm Quinn's friend.

Quinn.

Mum.

Oh.

You okay, Mum?

- Oh.

- It's me.

Mum said she took some of these.

I don't know. I...

She just needs to lay down in a dark room

for a few hours.

I'm sorry.

It's alright. It's alright, Mum.

It's alright.

I'm sorry.

It's okay, Mum. Don't say sorry.

Please, don't go.

Come on, Mum.

Yourself all worked up again.

Thank you.

I like your mum.

Is that a Mermaid outfit?

Yeah. Uh, look, um, I better go.

Uh, I don't think

they let mythical creatures

on the bus after dark.

Whose go is it?

White.

Check.

Wanna finish the game?

Alright, but if you lose,

you have to help me move house tomorrow.

I would, but...

I never lose.

h*-h*, who's this little one?

That's Lucky.

I did have two, but well, unlucky died.

I'm worried she's a bit lonely.

Become a bit needy lately.

Started readin' a lot of poetry.

Wow.

Thanks for today.

What are friends for?

Um, listen, I don't suppose

you fancy a drink, do you?

It's a housewarming gift from Leila.

I'm driving, but...

I'm sure one glass wouldn't hurt.

One glass comin' up.

I'm sorry...

about what happened at the farm.

I got scared because usually

I disappoint people,

hurt them, lose them from my life.

What makes you think it would be

the same with me?

Because it's always the same with me.

You do know this whole

tortured loner routine

is a bit out of fashion.

Yeah, the whole "poor me,

I had a tough time",

I don't know how to love."

See, no one actually writes men

like that anymore.

Well, I'm sorry for being such

an outdated character trope.

What about the trope

of the kooky heroine who,

for some reason,

can't see how incredible she is?

How beautiful,

how kind,

funny.

Is this a bad idea?

Not unless it's another palpaca moment.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Minnie.

You in there?

We've come to see your new place,

brought you some essentials.

Your mum's made you a quiche.

Minnie, why are you on the floor?

That carpet won't have been deep cleaned!

Keith, I think she's collapsed,

had a seizure. Knock the door in.

No, no, I'm, uh, fine.

Just stretching from, uh,

from bringing up all the boxes!

We brought loo roll.

There's nothing worse

than being caught short

in an unfamiliar environment.

Oh!

Your father thought we should

check out your new neighborhood.

Not as nice as your last one, is it?

- Well, that bolt, it's not good.

- Hmm.

Hmm, you really need

like a double on that,

a good chain, you know?

There's a lot of good stuff.

I could help you out with that.

Yeah.

Keith.

- Keith.

- Hmm?

- Keith.

- Oh, oh!

I brought you a little

housewarmin' gift, Minnie Moo.

Oh.

Now you'll feel right at home.

- Thanks.

- It's heavy.

- Just leave it.

- Yeah.

Your mother's doing better,

isn't she, Quinn?

I'm tryin' to encourage her

out into the garden.

You're a great influence on her, Connie.

She listens to you.

I have to go. I'm afraid.

It's been lovely to see the both of you.

But you haven't finished your tea yet.

I don't think the tea's

worth staying for, love.

Look, I can get them to leave.

Look, I really need to go.

I'll call you later, yeah?

- You alright?

- Alright, Jonesy?

Glad your mum let you out then.

Don't mind me.

Just hiding from Lemming o'clock

on the dance floor.

Lemming o'clock?

Lemmings all copy each other, don't they?

Everyone kisses the person

standing next to them

at midnight just because

that's what everyone else is doing.

Um, apparently, there are 30

different species of lemmings.

I saw them

on this nature documentary once.

Good knowledge. I love a lemming fact.

Maybe the lemmings were onto something.

Alright, then, everybody.

Here we go!

Though kissing someone

isn't something you should do

just because it's midnight.

Or the beginning of the New Year.

Or because you're dressed as a pirate.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Ugh, I've... I've got to get this.

I'll be just a minute.

Please, don't go anywhere, lemming girl.

Mum!

Quinn, you have to come home.

There's someone breaking into the house.

Mum, there's no one breakin' in. Okay?

There's not.

Can't I just have one night?

I've met a girl.

I think I really like her.

Oh, be careful

who you give your heart to, Quinn.

I don't want to see you get hurt.

Taxi for Hamilton.

Ready?

Come on.

Come on. It's lovely out here.

Now, come on. You can do this.

That's it.

That's it. Just breathe.

Well done.

Come on.

These little fellas need us to plant them.

Come on.

That's it. I've got you.

I've got you, fine.

Yeah, well done! You've gotten out!

Oh, Connie.

Isn't it lovely?

Look at your garden.

Isn't it pretty?

So, love twin's

fully ghosted you then, Minnie?

Yeah, looks that way.

Maybe he really is busy with work.

Or maybe he's g*y.

Or maybe he's working undercover

for the Russians.

Happens way more than you think.

Or like he's probably

just a bit of a sh*t.

Ghosting is so triggering for me.

Now I try to ghost people

before they ghost me.

Let's get cake.

Everything looks better with cake.

I tried to get Minnie into gardening,

but with her luck,

we soon got root rot and blight.

Connie, do you think sometimes

you nurture this idea

of Minnie's bad luck

more than you nurture Minnie?

Just an observation.

Hmm.

Old habits, I guess.

To new habits.

Neither of us is winning

Mother of the Year.

Hmm.

Do you think sometimes

these sticks spend so much time

supporting the tomatoes,

they miss out on their chance

to be sticks?

Oh!

That was so...

When did you last get

a decent night's sleep?

I'm fine, Mum.

I'll be fine.

Just call her.

It's not that simple.

I can't be what she wants me to be.

I think you can.

Now, let me look after you for once.

I'm sorry that I always ask

so much of you.

That I often got it wrong.

Oh, it's alright. It's okay, Mum.

It's okay.

Alright.

Calm down, everyone. Calm down.

Finally, to Minnie,

who took it upon herself

to plan our incredible

fairy tale engagement,

as well as the catering for today.

She's always puttin' herself out

for others,

and I feel so lucky

to call her my best friend.

So let's raise a glass to Minnie.

To Minnie.

To Minnie.

Enjoy your pies, everyone.

You know, this would never have happened

to a Quinn Cooper.

This... this is all Minnie.

Bev, you okay?

Ah, couldn't be better, Minnie.

- You know, I joined Extinction Rebellion.

- Oh!

I spent the weekend chained

to the gates of Parliament,

dressed as a sea cow. Oh!

Come on, time to dance!

I wish Leila would let me book

a cello for this.

This has been the best day.

I want you to be happy.

I am happy.

Happy enough.

If you're still thinking about him,

maybe it's worth the risk.

You never know.

What are you doing here?

Oh, you didn't respond to my card.

It's because I don't wanna see you.

Just give me five minutes, please?

Can I come in?

No, Quinn, you can't come in.

Look, I know I hurt you.

I'm sorry.

My whole life, I...

I've had this crippling fear

of bein' needed.

But with you, Minnie,

I've realized that I'm the one

that needs you.

I... I know I don't deserve

a second chance...

A third chance. No, you don't.

I thought you'd be better off without me.

And maybe you would.

But my feelings for you haven't changed.

I miss you. I really, really miss you.

I said I might screw up again.

But I think I'm in love with you.

As crazy as that might sound.

No, it doesn't sound crazy.

I, um...

I felt the same.

Felt?

Look, things have changed for me, Quinn.

Thanks for coming.

C... can we be friends, at least?

No, I don't think we can.

It's just not worth the risk.

Uh, just... just... one... one second.

I thought Lucky could maybe use a friend.

What's his name?

You can decide.

You know, someone once told me

Quinn was a lucky name.

Doing a lovely job there, Keith.

I miss my old customers.

Poor Mrs. Mentis died last week

and I didn't even know she was ill.

Oh!

You did your best, love.

Not sure I did, though.

I actually had this idea the other day.

How I'd balance the books

if I could do it all again.

So every pie bought by a big business

could buy a pie for someone in need.

Corporate social responsibility.

It's a great idea.

Thanks, but it's about

six months too late.

Is it too late?

I need seed money.

You can't go to investors

unless you've got

a bit of money to put in yourself.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained,

that's what I would say.

Bloody hell, has Mum stopped

taking her cynical pills?

- What?

- Alien body snatchers, that's my theory.

- Keith?

- Yeah?

- I heard that.

- No, you didn't.

I just said how lovely you were

'cause you were so positive.

No, you weren't. You said alien...

You said that my body

is snatched by aliens

because I'm not being cynical.

- No, I love your little alien body.

- I'm allowed change.

Do you remember buying this

for me, Minnie Moo?

First car boot,

spent all your pocket money

buyin' a busted clock for your own dad.

- You fixed it up pretty nicely, too.

- Huh.

It's worth a fair bit now that

I've got it working.

Quite a few of them are.

Are you kidding?

- Does Mum know?

- Does she heck?

She would have made me

sell them years ago.

But if you need this seeding money

for your business plan...

No. No way, Dad, no.

You can't sell the clocks for me.

Listen, I know your mum

always felt like, you know,

someone had it in for her

and you can't change the tide.

It can be hard to let that go.

But with family,

you've always got someone

lookin' out for you.

It's okay to accept a little help

once in a while.

You can't always do it alone.

Once you learn that, you can do anything.

I believe this is the perfect way

for Coke Steel Capital to demonstrate

just how seriously you take

your corporate responsibility.

All of the pies

will be delivered by people

from the local community

who have struggled with unemployment.

This is a sustainable,

economically sound way

of giving something back

and really making a difference.

Plus, they're really bloody tasty.

Very impressive, Miss Cooper.

Thank you.

I could just call him being friendly.

Wish him a happy birthday for tomorrow.

He's not gonna pick up. He'll be out.

- Everyone's out on New Year's Eve.

- Minnie, hi.

Oh, hi.

I'm really glad you called.

I was just calling

to wish you a happy birthday

for tomorrow.

I've been thinking about you

b... because it's...

Because it's New Year's Eve.

Look, Minnie, I'm about to get

on a party boat with some friends.

We're leaving Tower Bridge in one hour.

Why don't you come?

I... I... I... I can't.

Let's just spend

New Year's Eve together.

I'm not asking for anything more.

I can't tonight.

Um, maybe... look, maybe we could

grab breakfast together soon

or something.

You still hiding from the jinx?

No.

Yeah. Um, look,

I was just calling to, um...

I'm in my pajamas.

Okay, well, I'm not sure.

But if that's the case, then...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

No phones tonight.

Your mum needs to let you have some fun.

Hello? Hell...

Quinn?

Damn it! What's he not sure about?

That... that he can't deal

with another neurotic woman

in his life that can't leave the house?

I don't know.

Maybe I shouldn't go out in my pajamas.

Think, guinea pigs, think!

No. Wrong.

I can decide.

I'm going out.

I'm going out!

The New Year's Eve jinx does not exist!

And he is worth the risk!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Hello. Excuse me, would you let me on?

What?

I just really... Oh, come on, please!

Sorry, folks.

Short delay as we change drivers.

How long's that gonna take?

Bus will be delayed here for ten minutes

while we regulate the service

on this route.

No, no, no, no, no.

C... can we... can we just have a...

An unregulated service?

Shaylene's a stickler

for regulating the service.

Okay, Shaylene, you've seen

Sleepless in Seattle, right?

Where Meg Ryan has to get to the top

of the Empire State Building

to meet Tom Hanks?

Well, I'm Meg Ryan

and the Empire State Building

is Tower Bridge now.

My boat leaves in 15 minutes

and the man I love is on that boat.

If I don't get there,

he's not gonna know that I've changed,

that I'm not the cynical, superstitious,

bitter person I was this time last year!

Now, I know what you're gonna say,

I could give him a call tomorrow,

but I don't wanna start the year

without telling him how I feel.

I am begging you, I cannot lose him again.

You know that sayin',

you can be waiting ages for a bus

and then three come all at once?

Well, that happens

when someone doesn't regulate the service.

I felt that way about someone once.

Roger, moved to Amsterdam.

Never got to tell him how I felt.

Off the bus, Shaylene.

You what?

- I'm pullin' a double.

- Mmm.

This is now a non-stop,

unregulated service to Tower Bridge.

Let's get this lady where she needs to go.

What the hell was that?

You call Roger, Hamish!

Tell him how you feel!

Oh, no, no, no, no!

Oh God, holy sh*t!

I thought you were a burglar!

The front door was wide open.

I came to check if you were okay.

Yeah, I'm fine. I...

You're supposed to be on a boat!

Well, I didn't go.

Oh.

I came to tell you

that if you wanted to stay in

and hide away from the jinx, then...

I'll stay in and hide away with you.

Oh, what time is it?

- We made it!

- Ha-ha!

Eight, seven, six,

five, four, three,

two, one. Happy New Year!

Happy birthday, Mini Cooper. Like the car.

Happy birthday, name stealer.

Leila has this question

she asks every New Year.

Where do you wanna be this time next year?

Oh, with any luck...

right here with you, by myself.

I don't care where we are...

as long as I'm kissing you...

at lemming o'clock.

Wait.

What did you just say?

At lemming o'clock.

Lemming girl.

It's you.

It was you.

Oh, you were my first kiss.

It was always you.

It was always you.

Always.