02x23 - Enquiring Masks Want to Know

[bunniefuu]

[yelling]

♪ I got ya with
my winning smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but
stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco,
Roman-Greco ♪

♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪

Somebody stop me!

♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪

Don't come a dime a dozen,
I stand out of the crowd!

♪ Babe when they made me
Yeah they broke the mold! ♪

Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined,
totally out of my mind!

♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to
decorate prison cells ♪

Green goes with anything
if they ask, see?

♪ Well there's one last
thing I gotta sing about ♪

Open up wide and really shout!

Whoa, look out!

♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪

Smokin'!

We are the terrible two!

[both mimic guitar]

[laughing]

We're here to stompify you!

[both] Oh!

Write "I will not wreck
anymore airplanes ever again."



[both] Yes, teacher.

Um, Eddie?
How do you spell "I?"

Now this is a real catch.

[beeps]

Duck!

He's making fun of me.

Chill, Eddie.

Your grief is just seriously
bumming me out.

Oh, sorry, Duck.

I guess we can't all have
mega-cool powers like you.

Yeah, like it's my fault
you're such a lame-a-zoid.

Aw, now look what you did.

You hurt the little
guppy's feelings.

Just back off, man.

[hisses]

Whoa! Now that's a new one.

Gotta save it for the file.

Whoa! Check it out, Eddie!

Fresh squeezed Mask juice.

Don't it make
my green face blue?

[camera whirring]

So, Fishguy,
tell me in your own words...

Why do the Terrible Two
want revenge on the Mask?

[stammering]

Ok, because he, like,
put us in jail, and stuff.

What are you doing?
Get in there and get
me some close-ups.

So, spackle-boy, how did you two
escape from jail anyway?

Scope this out.

I, like, stuck my putty finger
into my cell's lock,

and made a mondo perfecto
copy of the key.

Mm, pretty clever plan...

for a guy who can't count to 20
without taking off his shoes.

Actually, that reporter chick
lady dished us the idea.

Hmm, do-it-yourself headlines?

I knew I smelled
something fishy.

Or did somebody forget to put
on deodorant this morning?

Duck, he's making fun of me.

[muttering]

Hey, you cannot slam
my best bud like that.

[screaming]

Now it's personal.

Come on, cream puff,
put up your dukes.

You couldn't whip cream
without those moves.

Come on! Put 'em up!
Put 'em up!

Ow!

Ow! Whoa, dude!

[screaming]

Well, what do you know.

First putty thing on the moon.

Awesome.

Get over there!

I want a picture
from ground zero.

[groans]

And now, I'm-a show you
how to make linguini ala putty.

Hey! Whoa!

Pasta la vista, baby.

Oh, man!

Ow!

Woops! Almost forgot anchovy.

Hey, let go!

- [groans]
- Hold it.

You know, Milo, nothing beats
making the front page.

- [barks]
- [woman] Ipkiss!

What did you do to my door?

Wood doesn't grow
on trees, you know!

Well, you see, actually...

Shut up! This is coming
out of your rent.

Man, what good is making
the front page

if you can't even
make the rent?

- [rings]
- What?!

Guess what, Stanley?

I'm onto the biggest
story of my life.

UFO sightings, frogs
raining from the sky...

- giant insects.
- Uh-huh.

You left out the Siamese
twin vampires, Peggy.

Can you believe my photographer
refuses to work with me now?

How'd you like
to fill in for him?

Well, I could certainly
use the extra cash.

Great! Oh, and bring the Mask.
Just in case.

Forget it, Peggy.

If you want a story,
you'll just have to make it up,

- like you always do.
- [barks]

[whines]

What?

[whines]

How can frogs just
rain from the sky?

It's preposterous.

That's a frog.

Don't ask questions.
Just take the picture!

- [growling]
- Uh, Peggy?

I think I need
a little help in here.

Stanley...

you know I can't go
into the men's room.

Don't just stand there, Stanley!

Get a picture!

Mr. Sasquatch, what do you
think of all the bad publicity

you've gotten through the years?

Do you feel angry?
Hurt? Betrayed?

[grunts]

Way to scare him off,
Hansel Adams.

[Stanley] Peggy,
explain to me again

why we're wasting my weekend
rowing around Edge Harbor?

Oh, you've never heard
of the Loch Ness Monster?

Sure. It's in some lake
in Scotland.

So how could it get here?

For that matter, how do
the frogs, or Big Foot,

or any of that other
stuff get here?

What's the matter,
Mr. Pouty-face?

Jealous the Mask isn't
getting his usual headlines?

Stop that.

Peg, you are so off base.

Oh, really? Then why
did you bring this?

Uh, Peggy, don't look now,

but thar she blows!

[growling]

Put it on!

Whoa! Put it on!

Oh no!

[screaming]

I gotta get the Mask!

Stanley? Stanley!

Oh, massive sea scurvy sea slug!

Prepare to meet your doom.

Arg, do my eyes deceive me?

That should be my fabulous
face plastered up there.

This definitely calls
for some spin control.

Hey!

This paper is good
for one thing only, no?

Voila.

Stop the presses!

[screams]

What's going on here?

Extra! Extra!
Read all about it!

Mask rescues reporter from
clutches of Loch Ness Monster.

Perhaps I've neglected
one tiny detail.

Just one more.
Give me your best shot.

OK. Oh, profile.
That's good.

Hmm, got a cavity big enough
to lose Cleveland.

Gonna have to drill.

But don't worry.
I won't feel a thing.

You know there's something
strange about that monster?

Definitely a nose job.
I can spot them a mile away.

[Peg] No. She has no shadow.

And I know only one person
capable of stealing shadows.

[gasps]
Skillit!

My mission is suddenly clear.

I must find Skillit,

force him to take
these creatures back
to the Shadow Land,

and reclaim my rightful place
on the front page

of that dirt rag
you call a newspaper.

And how are you
going to do that?

It's not like a portal
to the Shadow Land is gonna
to magically appear

right before your eyes.

- Then again...
- Wait here.

And miss the story of
a lifetime? Fat chance!

Hmm, nice neighborhood,
if you like rigor mortis.

Welcome to the Shadow
Land, Mask.

I see you brought
me a playmate.

Peggy Brandt.
Just the Facts, Really.

Would you care
to tell our readers

why you're sending
these strange creatures
to Edge City?

Clearly it was
a deliberate attempt

to overshadow my popularity,

and lure me here
into the Shadow Land.

Wrong.

I was just dumping a bunch
of old toys I've had
for centuries.

They are so boring.

And speaking of boring...

You are the most boring
Mask I've ever met.

And I've met them all.

Tell it to Tinkerbelle,
half-pint.

Hey! Get me out of here!

Hey, get off!
The suit is rented.

They'll never come out
this way. Come on.

As long as you're here,

I'll just take that old
Maskeroonie and put it
on somebody

who knows what mayhem's
all about.

Oh, Norman?

Get the Mask.

Now that's more like...

Pulitzer prize, here I come.

No sucking face
on the first date!

You got a leak there.

- [burps]
- My shadow!

I'm powerless
without my shadow!

[grunting]

Oh, yeah. They always get
restless around feeding time.

Sorry, Norm. Can't stay.

I hate to leave you tied up,

but it's so much easier
than hiring a babysitter.

Where are you going, Mask?

I'm the only one who knows
the magic spell

that opens the portal
out of here.

Magic spell?
No problemo.

There's got to be a portal
in here somewhere.

Psst. Hey, reporter lady.

You know what happens
if the Mask opens up a portal?

He'll just throw all of my toys
out of Edge City.

Then your career as queen
of the tabloids is over.

However, I can guarantee
you enough bizarre,

but mostly harmless creatures

to give you exclusive headlines
for the rest of your life.

All you have to do
is get my shadow back.

What do you say?

Did you say
"exclusive headline?"

[chuckles]

Fourth floor. Dry goods.

Ladies lingerie.
Interdimensional portals.

Going...

Peggy, what have you done?

He doesn't mean
any harm. Really.

He's gonna make me queen
of the tabloids.

Oh yeah? Well, your highness,

how are you gonna do that
if you can't get back home?!

Oh, yeah.

Now to give the Mask to a
deserving Shadow Land monster.

But first, playmates,

I'm going to send
the two of you home.

See? I told you he was OK.

And I'm sending one more
boring old toy with you.

Oh, Freddy?

What he lacks in brains

he makes up for
in savage viciousness.

I can't wait to see
what he does

to your little Edge City.

Well, wait!

We have a deal.
Mostly harmless you said!

Freddy is mostly harmless.

I'm saving the really
dangerous stuff for later.

Now, to dump him
in Edge City.

With the power
in these old verses,

open the universes.

One long tube
from here to there.

Open, portal.
I double dog dare.

"Double dog." That's
the worst poem I ever heard.

Don't knock it if it works.

Help! Peggy!

- [screaming]
- Hey! You can't...

Nice work, Peggy!

Now we gotta find a way
to reverse the spell.

How does Skillit find
anything in this book?

Stand back, Peggy.
I'm going to try reading
the spell backwards.

Oh, please. That's the dumbest
idea I've ever heard.

[reading backwards]

Don't knock it if it works.

I don't want that boring
stuff back! I don't!

I see I need some help
sending this junk back out
of here.

[coos]

Oh. He's kind of cute.

Cute?! I don't want cute!
I want mean!

Ugly, disgusting, brain sucking,
spine ripping evil!

Come here and give me that Mask
back this instant, you...

[moans]

[Stanley] Wait, Freddy!

If you give Skillit the Mask,

he's just going
to throw you away,

like all his other stuff.
Am I right?

[all] Yeah.

What are you listening
to them for?

They're just great big liars.

I'd never throw you away.

I'll be your best friend.

Just give me back the Mask.

Look, Freddy, if you give
us the Mask,

we'll make sure you're never
forced to leave here ever again.

- Isn't that right, guys?
- [all] Yeah.

[Skillit] No, Freddy!
Don't do it!

Freddy, please?
With sugar on top?

Thank you, Fredrick.

Big deal. You're still
no match for Norman.

[belches]

[chuckles]
Hey, you guys.

Don't you remember me?
It's your old pal, Skillit.

Not so fast there,
boys and girls.

You have to be
at least this tall

to attack Skillit.

[all groan]

Well, well, well. Looks
like everyone's a winner.

This way, fellas.
This is for the front page.

Now, I'm a deputizing you boys,

to make sure the creatures
don't escape none from
the Shadow Land.

You won't get away with this!
I'm Prince of the Shadow Land,

and you're just
a bunch of toys!

h*, h*, h*!

It's time to put away
your toys and grow up.

From now on, you only get...

- New socks and underwear.
- No!

You're right, son.
Who needs new underwear?

Why, the old stuff is
just fine for atomic wedgies!

Yow!

[buzzing]

Oh, I'm sorry. That buzzer
means our time is up.

But just so you don't
go away empty-handed,

we're giving you a lifetime
supply of Happy Time Portal.

The Shadow Land treat.

With the power
of these old verses,

the universe...
double dog dare.

Hey, guess what, folks?

That's the news,
and we are out of here.

Well, that should close
the portal to the Shadow
Land forever.

Or until we decide to bring
the creepy kid back for
another episode.

What are you trying
to pull here?

These pictures are all blank.

[chuckles]

I guess the Shadow Land
doesn't photograph.

[the Mask] Fear not!

Edge City's number one news item
stands ready to grant Peggy...

an exclusive page one interview,
with photo op.

Somebody quote me.

[laughs]