05x07 - Rupert and the Song Snatcher

[bunniefuu]

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Yahoo!

Whee!

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Good morning, Mrs. Otter.

Hello, Rupert.

Come right in. Ottoline's expecting you.

Rupert! I can't wait to show you what I've found!

Go through to the sitting room.

I'll meet you there.

She finds things in this musty old mansion

even Grandfather Otter didn't know about.

It's about time you got here.

(Gasping)

How did you...?

(Laughing)

It's easy if you know the short cuts.

(Laughing)

I forgot. Ottoline never uses the stairs.

Come on!

I want to show you something I've found in the East Wing.

There it is. Isn't it beautiful?

It's huge!

That's Nutwood Manor, isn't it?

That's not all. Recognize anyone?

The coachman looks like he could be

Podgy's great, great, great grandfather.

This old tapestry probably tells a story

about something special that happened hundreds of years ago.

It's so life-like.

Can't you just imagine we're walking through the woods

on our way to some grand occasion?

Whoa! (Coughing)

Ottoline, this is unbelievable!

We're outside!

We must have fallen through another secret passage.

Come on, Rupert, let's tell Mum.

She won't believe this.

It's locked? Mum!

That's odd.

The door has been polished and freshly painted.

Mum, we... (Gasping)

Oh, how perfect, beggars at the front door.

What next?

You're not my mother.

Mmm, yes, a fact for which I am most grateful.

Now be off,

or I shall summon the Guard!

What cheek!

Imagine, not letting me into my own house!

This isn't your house, Ottoline.

What are you talking about?

I mean, not yet anyway.

This house is brand new.

(Gasping) Rupert, that coach!

It's the one from the tapestry!

We've gone back in time.

This is Nutwood Manor hundreds of years ago.

You'd think they'd dress more appropriately

for such a grand occasion.

What grand occasion?

Oh, please!

Her Majesty, The Queen, is here at Nutwood Manor.

Anyone who's anyone knows that.

They must be from "the village."

"Commoners," that explains it.

Hmph!

Oh, Rupert, isn't this exciting?

The Queen is staying at my house!

Your future house.

Which reminds me,

we'd better start looking for a way--

Rupert, I can't wait to meet her!

It isn't every day you get to see The Queen

in person!

Or every century.

But we can't even get inside!

Ooh, that's right.

She never uses doorways either.

Looks like everyone's busy for The Queen's visit.

No! No! No! This will never do!

Uh-oh, here comes trouble.

Now then,

despite my most desperate urgings to the contrary,

it is Her Majesty's pleasure to holiday at this "rustic cabin,"

and I am determined to make the best

of an impossible situation,

although I am quite sure

that never before has a Queen's Chamberlain

had to put up with such a woefully inadequate staff.

Mmm, yes, now that's more like it.

I only hope Her Majesty appreciates

all the trouble she's putting me through. Ahem!

(Gasping)

Your Majesty!

I'm sure you will be pleased

to find I have prepared your rooms

to my usual exacting standards,

in spite of these primitive conditions.


The Queen is staying in my room!

Oh, Rupert, isn't it exciting?

Who's that skulking behind curtains

when they should be...!?

(Gasping) You!

Guards, arrest these urchins!

I'll have you know I live here!

At least I will be living here in-- Never mind!

Whoop. What?

Oafff!

Egad! They're after the Crown Jewels!

Seize them!

Terribly sorry about this.

Enjoy your stay.

Excuse us, great, great, great Uncle Augustus!

They're getting away!

Quick! The library!

This is hardly the time for reading!

Never judge a book by its cover,

Rupert.

Whoa!

Now you'll see what happens to...

(Gasping)

What are you staring at!?

They obviously didn't come in here!

Find them, you ninnies!

I think we've worn out our welcome, Ottoline.

Lets sneak out before we get thrown out.

But we haven't met The Queen yet.

No. But we've met her guardsmen.

We should start looking for a way home.

Just as soon as I find out

if Her Majesty likes my room.

Oy! Where'd you go Romeo?

No, no, no! A thousand times no!

It's "Wherefore art thou Romeo"!

We've been over this thrice now!

They're staging a play for The Queen!

How wonderful!

Uh, what light broke yonder window?

Is me, Juliet.

Speak again, uh, bright, uh... bright, oh.

Oh, yeah, bright angel! That's it.

Alas, I am doomed to be made a laughingstock before The Queen.

"Oh, Romeo..."

"O Romeo, Romeo!

"wherefore art thou Romeo?

"Deny thy father and refuse thy name;

"or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,

and I'll no longer be a Capulet."

Magnificent!

Thank you.

"Romeo and Juliet" is one of my favorite plays.

It is? But...

but I only finished it last night.

How could you--

She's, uh... she's a fast reader!

Reads the daily paper before the ink is dry,

don't you, Ottoline?

Well, we should be- Wait!

How would you like to perform in front of royalty?

Perform for The Queen? I'd love to!

Then you shall be my Juliet,

and you

shall be a stagehand.

That's fine wiv' me.

And what about your friend?

I don't suppose he's an actor, too?

Oh, yes! He was wonderful in the school pageant!

Well, that's good enough for me.

Ow!

But-but-but I don't want to steal anyone's limelight.

Well, you can have the limelight, Romeo.

Uh, besides, there's plenty around here to keep us busy,

Right, Richard? You said it, Henry.

(Laughing)

You there!

Uh-oh!

Have you seen a pair of young rogues

skulking about the hallways?

Verily, good sir, I have not.

We have been busy with last minute rehearsals

for our command performance. You!

Have we seen you somewhere before?

Er, no, good sir, um, we have not.

Perhaps you saw us perform in London,

at the Globe Theatre?

I should say not!

I haven't the slightest interest in 'popular' entertainment. Ooh.

Well acted, both of you.

Oh, Rupert,

we're going to perform for The Queen!

I hope I don't get butterflies.

I think I have enough butterflies for both of us.

You'll do fine.

Let's practice our lines.

"O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

"Deny thy father and refuse thy name;

"or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,

and I'll no longer be a Capulet."


Arise, fair sun,

and k*ll the envious moon.

Oh.

(Audience laughing)

Oh, dear!

(Gasping)

(Laughing)

What are you dunderheads doing!?

It's supposed to be night time!

Right. Sorry.

Look out!

Oh!

Augh!

Drop the curtain! Drop the curtain!

As you like it, guv.

(Gasping)

Aahhh!

Oh woe and thrice woe!

Those cudgel-brained buffoons have ruined my chance

to impress The Queen!

And there they go sneaking off,

without so much as an apology.

Hmmm...

I think there's something rotten in the state of Denmark.

What does that mean?

Those two are up to something.

Come on!

Hmmm..

Now what are those riff-raff up to?

Better hop to it, d*ck. We don't have much time.

They're going into my...

I mean, The Queen's room!

(Gasping)

They've stolen the Crown Jewels!

(Gasping)

(Laughing)

There they go!

Stop!

Thieves!

Whoa!

I thought as much!

You're not a company of actors,

you're a company of thieves!

What have you done with the Crown Jewels? No!

The thieves are getting away!

We've got to stop them!

Save your breath.

I've seen enough bad acting for one... hmmm...

Eh!

You!

And you!

I knew you were up to no good

the moment I laid eyes on you!

I want two guards outside this door

and two outside that window!

The Queen's Constable will soon get a full confession

out of them!

(Door slamming)

Oh, cruel twist of fate!

We shall be locked up in the Tower for the rest of our days!

We'll get you out of this muddle, Will.

We have to!

You still have lots of wonderful plays to write!

You really think so?

I'm sure of it.

All we have to do is get the Crown Jewels back

and clear our names.

And, luckily, we're in my room.

Your room?

Come on!

(Whispering) Why is she hiding in the wardrobe?

Ottoline never takes the stairs.

(Laughing)

We can sneak out through the pantry.

Step lively there!

Now that I have those scoundrels

under lock and key,

the rest of The Queen's visit must pass without incident!

Mmm. Not enough cream! Make another batch!

And these tarts should have exactly...

six cherries each.

Never seen such... incompetence.

It looks like he's going to be there for quite a while.

There's no way to get past him unnoticed.

(Laughing) Leave that to me.

It's time to open the curtain on Act Two!

Quite inferior. You there!

Huh? What? Who are you!?

I am The Queen's Constable, here to investigate reports

of a villainous g*ng of jewel thieves on the loose

in Nutwood Manor.

Yes, it's about time you got here.

I suppose this is what passes for prompt response,

here in the provinces.

I've had to apprehend them myself, single-handedly.

I shall not rest until they return their ill gotten gains.

Please, take me to them at once, good sir.

Huh?

You! Guards!

Guard... mmph!


If we're to run, 'tis best we run quickly!

(Gasping)

This way!

Halt!

Stop them! Whoa! Oof!

(Angry growling)

Uh-oh!

I never use the front door, Rupert!

Come into the sitting room!

I forgot!

I've got them cornered!

Break down the doors!

Ohhh.

It's not working!

Where's the door to the secret passage way!?

It was here this morning! Yes,

but that was in our Nutwood.

The door must not be built yet.

Lend me a hand.

(Struggling)

(Banging on door)

Aahhh!

Now I've got you, you...

What?

Not again!

So that's where that secret door came from!

Surely those scoundrels can't have traveled far.

Hmm... they're on the road to Nutchester.

If we take the footpath,

we can head them off at the crossroads!

What then?

Hmm... this old cauldron should do the trick.

"Romeo, Romeo,

wherefore are you Romeo?"

Here I am. Juliet,

rotting away in the Tower dungeon.

(Laughing)

(Evil laughing)

Huh? What's that?

(Evil laughing)

"Double, double toil and trouble;

"fire burn, and cauldron bubble.

"Eye of newt and toe of frog,

wool of bat and tongue of dog."

Ere, sounds like she's makin' a stew.

Out of our way, old hag!

The Royal Jewels are gone,

and, now, justice must be done!

Say, that's spooky.

How'd she know about the jewels bein' gone?

Surprised ye'd be

at what in my cauldron I see.

(Evil laughing)

Can you see who stole the jewels?

(Evil laughing)

It's you I see!

Ooh! How she know it was us?

Who cares how she knows!

Tell us if we get pinched for it,

that's what I want to know!

It's misty, sooo misty.

(Gasping)

W-w-what do you see?

I dare not speak it.

You'll have to look for yourselves.

(Gasping)

W-w-what is it, d*ck? Shackles? Chains?

I don't see nuthin'.

Look closer,

closer.

All I see is dark.

Owww!

Hey! What's goin' on? Let me out of here!

Bravo, Ottoline.

An inspired performance!

Now then,

I'll need a detailed list of the missing items

and proper descriptions of the thieves. What!?

There isn't time for that! Get on their trail before--

In a moment, Sir.

Everything by the book, you know.

See here, Constable "Bumpkin" or whatever your name is,

I command you to get Her Majesty's jewels back

this instant!

Hey, what's going on?

Ow! What's going on?

Hey! What's going on?

Right. Case closed then.

I say, kind Constable,

I wonder if I could borrow that

for just a second.

"Double, double

toil and..."

Oh, how did you put it, Mistress Ottoline?

(Laughing)

(Horns blowing)

I can't wait to ask her if--

Hmph! You are not to speak unless spoken to!

And remember,

you are to address The Queen as Your Highness,


Your Royal Highness or--

(Gasping)

Your Majesty!

(Gasping)

Please, call me Bess.

I do get tired of all the formality,

which is why I wished to holiday here

in this lovely out of the way place,

to get away from all that stuffy nonsense

for a change.

Mmm, yes, ma'am.

And I want you to stop bothering the staff, Noteworthy.

I hear you've been nothing but a royal nuisance.

Mmm, yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am.

He is a bit full of himself, but he means well.

Are you enjoying your stay here at Nutwood Manor?

Oh, yes.

I have the most marvelous view from my room.

In fact,

I've had something special made to commemorate my visit,

and I would like to dedicate it

to the two of you

in recognition of your heroic deed.

(Horns blowing)

(Gasping)

The tapestry!

Thank you, Your...

Aahhh!

Mistress Ottoline?

Master Rupert?

Ottoline? Rupert?

Mum!

So here you are.

I was beginning to think you'd got lost

in one of your secret passages.

Mum, I was showing Rupert the tapestry,

and--

Yes, I can't imagine where this dusty old thing came from.

I suppose there's some sort of story behind it.

(Laughing)

You have no idea.

Have we got a story for you!

Why don't you tell me over tea?

Everything's ready in the Sitting Room.

This way, Rupert.

For goodness sake, don't you ever take the stairs?

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