06x02 - That Night

[bunniefuu]

The following programme
contains very strong language,

and adult humour.

VINNIE: We're gonna come in...
under the cover of darkness.

[SIREN BLARES]

Will you let me have it?! f*ck me!

[SOUND DISTORTS, REWINDING]

- Let's bag 'em.
- Vin!

f*ck it.
[ENGINE STARTS]

[SIREN BLARES]
sh*t.

[DOOR BUZZES]

MCCANN: So...

how's everything running out there?

- Everyone behaving?
- MANOLITO: Everything's fine.

If they were a problem,
I would let you know. Don't worry.

And how's Vinnie O'Neil
working out for you?

Vincent's a solid earner.

Just... keep a close eye on him.

♪ BARRETT STRONG: Money ♪

♪ The best things in life are free

♪ But you can give them
to the birds and bees

♪ I need money
♪ That's what I want...

Morning, Lola.

♪ That's what I want
♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want
That's what I want... ♪

f*ck! f*cking thing.
[LAUGHTER FROM CCTV]

[LAUGHS]
Don't f*cking laugh at me.

Hey, hey, hey, dickhead.

How many times have I said
about leaving that open?

- But it's only you that walks... Hey!
- Oi!

- Oh. [LAUGHS]
- [ON CCTV] My f*cking head.

And the only
f*cking confirmation we've got

that Dylan got away that night
is from bloody Manolito.

So, listen, if the MacDonaghs
have grabbed him, right?

And Manolito's f*cking saved him,
and told him to go...

I mean, why the f*ck would he do that?

ERIN: Manolito wants our weed.

He wants to get rid of
the MacDonaghs, divide and conquer.

Now, Davey, Donna,
I need you at Manolito's.

Get him out
of that f*cking stupid maze house

- so we can sneak in the stolen art.
- DONNA: Shouldn't be a problem.

If it means
that twisted f*ck's sent away.

WOMAN: One moment!

Surprise!
[LAUGHS]

- You!
- Hi, Mum.

Oh, come in.

Papa, look who it is!

- Mustaffa, Mashalla.
- Salam.

- Kif Halek.
- You know me,

I'm as cool as a cucumber.

It's so good to see you, Mustaffa.

Mama, no one calls me that anymore.

I go by Manolito these days.

I can't get used to that name.

- O'Lito sounds Irish.
- No, no, no, no.

It's one name, you know?
Like, er... Cher, or Shakira.

Mustaffa is a good name for a pop star.

I'll get you something to eat.

Manolito. He was the name
of the baddie on High Chaparral.

- Do you remember, Mammy?
- Yes.

Suits my personality, huh?

Papa, I gotta get a few things
from my room, for work.

- OK?
- OK, Mustaffa.

♪ LALALAR: Hic Mutlu Olmam Daha Iyi ♪

Yah!

You m*therf*ckers underestimated me.

Well, now you're gonna pay.

What?
You thought you could outsmart me,

walk away with what is rightfully mine?

You'll finally understand
the gravity of your mistake.

That you have awakened a force
unlike any other!

Mustaffa? We're gonna watch
Cash In The Attic in a bit.

- D'you wanna join us?
- Thanks, Mama, but, er...

I've gotta nip out for some business.

I've made some falafel
if you wanna take some with you?

Shookran, Mama. You're the best.

And you're the best. [KISSES]

[PASLOWSKI WHISTLING]

Oh, no, please. No, no.
[MOANING]

Oh, f*cking hell!

- I can't stop it.
- Don't finish it.

f*cking hell mate.

- Dirty git.
- Oh!

ERIN: Well, I can't
unsee that now, can I?

Hey. Having a wank doesn't
make me a bad person.

It f*cking does when you're doing it
in someone's workplace.

Right, I'm sorry, I'm gonna get a mop,

because I can't have your
jizzy smears in me general vicinity.

- Mm.
- Just wiping his hands.

Why have you brought
special wank shoes?

They're not mine. Mine are at home.

[ALL GASPING]
Oh, f*ck!

You m*therf*ckers underestimated me.

- Oh.
- [CHUCKLES] You decide to cross me.

- Well, now you're gonna pay.
- This f*cking door![g*nsh*t]

[ALL SCREAM]

- Oh, f*ck.
- What the f*ck were that?

Er...

- Who the f*ck is that?
- Oh, f*ck.

It's f*cking Manolito, innit?

- He was gonna k-k*ll us all.
- Someone needs to call an ambulance.

- I don't think an ambulance is gonna help.
- He might not be dead?

Ashley, he's only got half a head.

I'm not a doctor but I don't think
he's gonna make a full recovery.

Christ. Erin, are you alright, love?
[EXHALES]

Erin? Oh, f*ck.

PASLOWSKI:
I don't wanna be here anymore!

I'm not into dead gangsters.

I only came in
to let off a little steam!

We need to compose ourselves
a little bit.

Don't go doing anything stupid.

We need to tell the police!

That's the f*cking opposite
of what I've just said!

- I-I just need to...
- Get after him. Stop him.

No! Get off me! Unhand me! Oh!

Jesus, Carol.

Pull yourself together, Shirley.

You witnessed everything and you heard
what he was going to do.

If you so much as breathe
a word of this to anyone,

his friends will find out
and, believe you me,

you do not want them showing up

at your farmhouse at the dead of night.

Be a smart lad. Go home,

and pretend
that you were never here, OK?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll... I'll do that.

It's doable. I should be alright. Yeah.

- f*cking unreal.
- Is this very bad?

It's f*ck' terrible!

Look at the f*cking state
of that there.

I've got a gangster with half an head,
in a bunker full of cannabis.

And I've got... I've got
Lowry paintings, I can't sell 'em,

every f*cking federale
in the country's after 'em.

It's not good.
That's the end of it, innit?

We should take him to Gary's morgue.

That's a really good idea.
I'm sorry for shouting.

- No, no, no, it wasn't that bad.
- I need to go check on Erin.

Erin, love?

Shall I be mother?

Erin... are you alright, sweetheart?

No.

Just listen to me.

I know that was really shocking.

That was really... I-I am shocked.

Good, so you should be!
Because this isn't normal, Vin.

Christ, I know it's not f*cking normal.

I'm trying! I wanna have
a normal life, but it just...

..it's just not happening, is it?

I don't think things can...

be normal,
and I don't think they ever will.

I, er...

Look, just do me this favour. Just...

..get a grip for now, right?

Now, that f*cking heist,
there is nothing...

nothing that ties us to it.

The only thing was that f*cking car.

And that's been torched.
I've had the lads do it. It's done!

- You did what?
- Huh?

I had you torch
the f*cking getaway car, didn't I?

- You torched it.
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Job done.

Yeah, we torched it.
[BOTH LAUGH]

What you laughing at,
you pair of twats?

You didn't say 'torch it',
you said 'sort it'.

No! f*ck me, no! I said 'torch it'.
What have you done with it, then?

It's... It's sorted, Vin.

We went and took
the paintings out of it,

and left the rest there.
You said sort it.

Right, one minute.
This better be some sh*t joke.

No. No. No, Erin. No, no, no.
We... We did what Vinnie said.

- Yeah.
- He said 'sort it', so we sorted it.

I said f*cking 'torch it'
cos it's full of f*cking...

It's full of evidence.

- It's full of our DNA and that.
- One minute, one minute. So...

it's still there...

- with our fingerprints?
- Uh-huh.

- Full of DNA?
- Yeah, yeah. It's still there.Yeah.

It's in the woods.
Yeah, we... we put erm..

Yeah, no, we put sticks on it, so...
Don't worry about it.

- It'll be alright.
- What the f*ck?

It can be driven.

I'll sort that.
I'll sort... Leave it with me.

- I've had enough of you.
- Alright then.

I'll sort it myself.

- OK.
- Carol?

What's going on?

I'm torching that car. Come on.

I'll come with you.

♪ LCD SOUNDSYSTEM:
Dance Yourself Clean ♪

Is she aware that she's just
taken the overflow piss can?

She's not.
[DOOR CLOSES]

- Careful, Carol, you're spilling it.
- I'm not.

- You're spilling it.
- I'm trying not to, like. Oof...

We're going through them woods, yeah?

- I can't do it.
- Straight through.

- I've actually got a stitch.
- I've a stitch as well.

Oh, f*ck.

Push it.

[BOTH GROANING]
Watch your foot. Ow, ow, ow! Ow!

God, I've f*cking been stung.
God's sake!

Why is it we have to sort
their sh*t out all the time?

They're f*cking useless,
the lot of 'em.

You just thank your lucky stars you
don't have to live with one of them.

- Yeah. Oh, I used to, remember?
- Oh...

- Harrison?
- Who?

Come here, boy!

- Harrison?
- What you... What you doing?

Just a cover of the story,
you know, part of the cover.

If anyone asks, we're just some dog
walkers looking for our lost dog.

Oh, yeah. Dog walkers
who've lost a dog, yeah.

But miraculously
got a gallon of f*cking petrol.

Now just shh,
and stop drawing attention.

Oh, there it is!
Jesus, there it is, there it is!

Yes, Carol. I can see it.

- Come on.
- It's f*cking right there.

- Jesus, it's f*cking...
- Hurry up. Get it done.

- Go on, go, go, go.
- Burn, baby, burn

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- [SNIFFS] Oh!

- What is that?
- Jesus Christ! It's not, is it?

Oh, my God. It's piss.

- It's f*cking piss.
- Oh, f*ck!

They've used it as a toilet.

Sure are dirty f*ck!

Look, we just have to get
these seats burning, right?

Carol, the seats aren't gonna burn.
They're obviously fireproof.

Argh, f*cking fingers! Oh!

- f*ck, my shellac.
- Look what you've done now.

Oh, f*ck, Erin. [EXHALES]

We're just gonna have to go
and find some petrol.

Nothin' else for it, like.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]
Meena?

Oh, God, f*cking hell.
Let me do it, dude.

She's obviously off doing a funeral.

TOMMO: Help me with the burden of sin.

Oh, he's still got it,
he's still got it. Come on, then.

[GROANS]

- God, he's so heavy.
- Jesus Christie.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Jesus Christ.

Tiny little feet on him. f*cking hell.

- Ah! There we go.
- f*cking hell.

Snug as a thug... in a rug.

Oh, dude. f*cking vile.

- Should we not say some words, like?
- Eh?

Just... Eul-Eul... Eulo-

A eulogy. Yeah, alright.

Manolito was a very...

complicated man.
He loved his animals, didn't he?

f*ck that.

Burn the c**t!

- Oh, for God's sake.
- Tommo.

Oh, no, I'm gonna do it,
I'm gonna do it. Manolito...

you were, in fact,
a great steaming bellend of a man,

and we're all glad
that you've popped it.

Right, ready? Come on, now.

Zero flamage. Flame on!

- Flame on.
- Flame on!

For f*ck's sake, have you
f*cked about with that button?

No, no, maybe it's a microwave?

Yeah. Try taking him out
and putting him back in again.

How the f*ck am I meant
to do that, Ashley?

Er... Don't know.

- Think about it.
- Eject?

There's no f*cking... eject.

- It's not a CD player!
- What's going on?

Oh, f*ck me.

You alright, Meena?

- You alright, Meena?
- Oh, no.

sh*t. Meena, listen...

didn't wanna involve you in all this...

er... to be honest.

It's err... It's Manolito.

He had an accident in the...

- Face...
- bunker.

Why have you mentioned
his f*cking name and face?!

You've made her
a f*cking thingamajig now...

Accessory.

- Yeah.
- Accessorise.

- Tommo.
- Meena.

I think I'd like to see under there.

- You don't want to see it. No.
- You've broken my door.

- We did.
- I'd like to see under there.

Err...

- It's gruesome as Halloween in there.
- f*cking show her the f*cking head.

- Oh!
- No.

[EXHALES]

It's quite the accident, isn't it?

What happened?

- He snuck up on us.
- I kicked his face off.

Shot his face off.

I kicked him so hard that...
I mean, he shot his face off.

Listen, Meena... we really have
to burn this dude, otherwise,

sh*t is going f*cking down.

Is there any chance...

put the bloody flames on for a brother?

Gary didn't pay the gas bill,
so they cut him off.

[SIGHS]

- It's burials only from now on.
- f*ck!

I don't suppose he had
his house keys on him?

Mm?

We could take him back to his and
make it look like it happened there.

Oh.

- Oh!
- Ah.

Why can't you lot be more like that?

♪ PATTI DREW: Hard To Handle ♪

♪ Baby, here I am

♪ I'm a girl on the scene

♪ I can give you what you want...

OK.

- Filled it, yeah?
- Yeah.

Right, come on. Let's go.

Cool, calm, collected.

[SHOP BELL JINGLES]
Thank you.

Have a great day.

- Hi.
- Hello, and welcome to Fuel Star,

where the customer's always
the star. How are you doing today?

That's nice.
[CHUCKLES] Erm...

Just number nine please,
the fuel in the canister.

Would you be interested in joining
our elite VIP loyalty programme?

There are a number of fun gifts
and you could save yourself...

..twelve pence off today's purchase.

- No. Just the petrol, please.
- What sort of gifts?

Goodness, the list is never ending.

Head torches,
woollen hats, garden gnomes.

For only three stamps
you get a free garden gnome.

A free garden gnome
for just three stamps?

Count me the f*ck in for that.
[SHOP BELL JINGLES]

Just pay, please? Thanks.

Looks like this damsel in distress
could do with a lift.

I saw you fill up your can.

I'll run you back in the Range,
if you like.

- No, we've got it covered.
- Don't be shy, jump in the Range.

I don't bite...

unless you want me to. [CHUCKLES]

We're fine. Thank you!

Come on, I never take no for an answer.

I don't even know
the meaning of the word.

Do you want me to f*ck' teach ya?

- No.
- There you go.

You do know the meaning
of the f*cking word.

♪ Cos, baby, I'm sure hard to handle
♪ Yes, I am...

And a big box
of matches as well, please.

[MOUTHS] What the f*ck?

♪ Hey! Here I am... ♪

VINNIE: Here we go.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, he's coming in hot.
Make sure you slow down.

Cardi, slow down a little bit
for the van. f*ck me.

I don't think anybody's here.

f*ck it.

Come on, stop making
a f*cking dance out of it, bruv.

- For crying out f*cking loud.
- Engage your glutes, Ashley!

- And get your f*cking...
- Watch the alarm, sweetheart!

So he was sat on a stool,

and he shot himself
in the f*cking head.

Get him in! He's heavy.

- Can... Can...
- What?!

- Can I... Can I have his phone?
- No you can't have his...

Ah, whoa that's a good idea.
Dude, check his phone.

It might even have some info
or some sh*t.

Like what? Like what?

Like the reason he's broke into
the f*cking w*r bunker,

had a f*cking hand can
and wanted to m*rder us all.

That's not fair. If he's getting
his phone, I'm getting his g*n.

Hey, hey, hey! If he's having
his g*n, I want his sexy fridge.

Eh? No one's having f*cking sh*t.

Listen to me right now.
You're not having a phone,

you're not having a g*n, and you're
not getting his sexy fridge.

This is not f*cking storage hunters.

We're trying to stage a crime scene!

It looks like an older model.
Just try his thumb print.

[CHUCKLES]
Good, yeah, cos his, er...

his face ID
probably won't work, will it?

It won't unlock cos there's
f*cking dried brain on the sensor.

[PHONE CHIMES]
Yes, we're in.

[PHONE CHIMES]
That's the f*cking, erm...

That's the weed bunker on telly.

- Gimme that.
- He's been watching us?

There's
a secret camera in the weed bunker!

Oh, my f*cking Lord God.

f*cking hell.

- Jesus' sake.
- I'll tell you what's gone on here, right?

That's how he's known
about the f*cking Lowry heist.

- Guys?
- Yeah.

- Where's the rest of it?
- What?

His face, where is it?

In the weed bunker, splattered
all over the inside of the cupboard.

No pathologist
in their right mind is gonna buy

this was the site of demise
when a massive chunk

of his face and skull are absent.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

- Who's that? Who's that?
- A delivery fella. He's on here.

- Cardi, don't f*cking... No, dude!
- Hello?

I've got a delivery for Mr Mano Lito.

- Don't say anything. Oh, my God.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah, hallo, that, er...
hello, that's me.

Yeah, could you... thanks. Could you
just leave it there for us?

Sorry, need a signature.

- Needs a signature.
- I f*cking heard what he said, you twat.

Hiya, mate.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

You'll have to forgive me.
I was attacked by a chimp.

Sign in there for me.

[CAMERA CLICKS]
Thank you.

No worries.

- There's a note.
- 'With best regards, TMC.'

Who the f*ck is TMC?

TMC is an abbreviation
for 'touch my c*ck'.

It's not touch my c*ck, is it?

Who the f*ck writes,
'With best regards, touch my c*ck.'

Why are we letting ourselves
get distracted?

The clock, she very much ticks.

It is ticking. Now, listen, we need
to take this f*cking serious now.

I want you and I want him
in that f*cking w*r bunker.

I want you picking up bits of brain,
skull, bring it back.

Aww.

Get the f*ck on, right now.
For God's sake.

[HOB CLICKING]
Right, I'm gonna go and find out

where this f*cking CCTV sh*t's stored.

I'll wait out front, keep an eye out.

Good lass. You do that.

What'll I do?

You'll stop
pissing around with that hob...

and stay out of the f*cking jacuzzi.
Don't touch anything in the house.

[SIGHS]

Right, Carol, can you not see why
asking for a box of matches,

and a can of petrol
might look overly suspicious?

Look, we needed
the feckin' matches, didn't we?

[CHATTER IN DISTANCE]
f*ck.

Shh, shh, shh.

And when might that be, exactly?

It took two weeks and a phone call

to the Chief Superintendent
before anyone came round

about that slanderous graffiti
daubed on my front door.

[DOG BARKS]
Roger! Come back here.

Come back, you naughty little b*stard!

Right, let's get this done.
Come on, quick.

- Come on, quick.
- Burn, baby, burn.

- Just chuck it in. Chuck it in.
- Dowse it in diesel. Come on, now.

- Dowse it in f*cking diesel.
- What? What? Carol?

Now, bit of patience there.
A bit of patience.

Carol, please tell me you didn't
put diesel in the f*cking can?

Yeah, diesel is German
for petrol, isn't it?

Diesel. Petrol, de... no.

Diesel doesn't burn, Carol.

- Doesn't burn?
- No.

I didn't f*cking know that.

[WHISPERS] For f*ck's sake

♪ JULIA JACKLIN: Someday ♪

[WHISTLES]

Oh. Lights.

TV.
[SOFT CHATTER ON TV]

Ah. Skull and crossbones.

I probably shouldn't, but...

[SIREN BLARES]

♪ Sometimes

♪ Oh, sometimes

♪ My ex says I'm lacking in depth

♪ But I will try my best... ♪

No? Alright.

[WHISTLES]

Argh! [CHUCKLES]

Oh, God.

Tommo, would you please
come and help me?

You're supposed to be f*cking
helping me. What are you doing?

- Come on!
- Alright, Ashley! Jesus Christ.

Simmer down, love.
You'll give yourself a conniption.

Right, what we doing, then?

Just keep the f*cking bag
open for me, will you?

- I want to get the f*ck out.
- I'm preparing myself.

- Urgh!
- Ah, f*ck's sake.

Ha! Go on then.

Christ, drop it in.
f*cking hell, Ashley.

- Keep it open.
- I'm trying, aren't I?

It's dripping on my shoe.

Wah, go on then. Woah-oh.

- Hello, Davey love, are you alright?
- Davey.

You two. Where's Vincent?

Vincent? Well, I mean, he's...
he's not here.

[STAMMERING] In fact, you know,
he's elsewhere, isn't he?

- Not present.
- He's not answering my calls.

Have you tried voicemail
or leaving him a message,

or anything like that?

Yes, I've tried voicemail.
Are you taking the piss out of me?

- I'm not.
- No, he would not do that.

- He would not.
- I would never do that.

Where are them Lowrys... hm?

Hey, look... Lowrys?

Yes, Lowrys. The minge paintings.

We're meant to be planting them
at Manolito's. That was the plan.

[LAUGHS] Davey, Davey.

You wanna talk to Vincent,
don't you, you know?

Yes! I do want to talk to Vincent.

But if this is Vincent
trying to f*ck me,

then I'm gonna bite
his f*cking d*ck off.

Right.

- And then I'm gonna bite yours off.
- OK.

- Then I'm gonna bite yours off.
- I'd rather you didn't.

Now, where are them Lowrys? Hm?

- Where are they?
- I dunno.

Er... Where are they?!

- Oh, no, no.
- I'll tell you what, right?

In fact, you know, Vinnie,

has gone to hospital. Because...

- Sugar's had a baby.
- Baby, yes!

- A baby, a lovely...
- He won't...

A human baby, and so he'll
have his phone off, won't he?

- He wouldn't be on it, no.
- And if, yeah...

Well, tell Vincent
I'm expecting a phone call.

We will do exactly that.

We will do that, yeah.
We'll do that for you. Thank you!

- Thank you.
- Do come back. f*cking hell.

[DOOR CLOSES]
Christ.

Honestly, it's no wonder
my pubes are going grey.

[FRIDGE CHIMES]

[WHISPERS] No way.

Very cool.

Very cool.

[CHUCKLES] Bye.

[GROWLS]

Vin?

Vinnie?

Mother fudger,
look at the f*cking state.

- Cardi!
- I thought you were downstairs.

I'm not, I'm here.
Look at t'f*cking state of this.

He's been watching us for
f*cking months. Angles. Angle-icious.

- Angles, f*cking...
- Yeah.

- It's not good, is it?
- It's not, no.

Well, at least he won't
be doing that again.

Cos he shot his face off.

Go away.
[LAUGHS]

Oh!

You are very fancy.

Oh! Ah.

[WHIRRING]
Ah.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ON HEADPHONES]

[SOFTLY] Vin. Vin!

[MOUTHING]

- See, f*cking cleaner!
- sh*t.

- I f*cking know.
- How we gonna get past?

I don't know. I'll think of something.

- f*ck! f*ck!
- Vin!

- Dude, be careful.
- It's doable.

Come on, it's f*cking safe.

- It doesn't look safe.
- Ah! f*cking hell.

- You're gonna f*cking break you're neck.
- It's fine.

You've just gotta traverse
this way, that's all.

You're gonna be good at this, dude.

Do I look...?
I'm not built to traverse.

Just come and f*ck... Woah!

- Vin?!
- f*ck!

[MUSIC CONTINUES ON HEADPHONES]

- f*ck me, dude.
- Quick.

Oh, I've just torn myself
a new bum hole there.

- Were the stairs doable?
- The stairs were easy.

What the f*ck? What the f*ck?

- What?
- Where the f*ck is he?

- Maybe he isn't really dead?
- Don't be so...

- Ah!
- Course he's f*cking dead!

Why is there so much blood?
How is there more blood?

- Follow the blood.
- Oh, dude.

Go on, then.

- Oh!
- Oh, f*ck me!

- f*ck!
- Oh, is this very bad?

- f*cking very, very f*cking bad.
- Yeah.

f*cking Lola.

Ripped his f*cking arm clean off.

- I can see that.
- Oh, f*ck.

Shh, shh, shh... sh*t.
Get the rug, get the f*cking rug.

- Argh!
- Get in! Get in!

Stop shouting, you tart.

sh*t, dude. Hide, man.

Wait, no.
We need to mop the blood, quick!

- The blood.
- Oh, for f*ck's sake.

- Quick, I'll mop with you.
- Er...

Go, go, go, go, go.

What you doing?

- I'm going behind the curtain.
- No.

- This is my hiding place.
- Let me into the curtain!

- It's my hiding spot. f*ck off.
- Let me into the curtain!

- sh*t.
- f*ck.

This is sh*t.

f*ck's sake. Every bloody time.

Right, come on.
[SHOP BELL JINGLES]

[COINS JINGLE] Wow, you two
are really making the most

of our elite VIP loyalty programme.

Good job.

- Have you got your card?
- Oh, yeah.

[SHOP BELL JINGLES]

You'll have a gnome in no time.

MAN: Looks like
you lovely ladies are in need

of a knight in shining armour.

Can I offer you a lift
back to your vehicle?

Oh, my God.
Would you take the f*cking...

Hello... officer.

So, how much further
do you think it is?

It's not much further.

No, it's just on up this road here.
Just another little bit, please.

Well, what's the registration?

I can call it in,
see if something comes up.

MAN: [ON COMMS]
All units be advised,

we have a report of
an abandoned car in the woods

near Old Mill Road.

License plate: Lima, Romeo, One,

- Two, Lima, Victor, Victor.
- There it is! This... This one here.

- On the left.
- Officer, that's great.

- Thanks so much. You're a kind man.
- Thank you.

Thank you now.
See you again. God bless.

- Bye!
- Bye now. Thank you

- See you.
- Thank you!

Good luck!

[CHUCKLES]

Right. Why isn't he f*cking off?

He's waiting for us
to fill it before he leaves.

- Do you need some help?
- Oh, no, no. We're alright, thank you.

- See you later.
- We better start filling it before-

- We're not filling it. We need it.
- It's gonna look f*cking weird...

- We need the f*cking petrol.
- ...if we don't f*cking fill it.

Get off, we need it.
We f*cking need it.

Carol, get off it. Get off it!

- For f*ck's sake.
- Why isn't he pissing off?

Have you got your keys?

Yeah!

Got the keys!

Can you hold this a second here?

- What?
- Take this over. Take it, take it.

Take it here.

It's f*cking empty.

Do you know what it is, Officer?
We are waiting for you to leave,

because Erin has to do a massive shite.

Right, right you are, yeah. Erm... Bye.

- God bless.
- See you. Bye, bye.

- Sorted?
- Sorted.

Well, it's gone now, innit?
Look, all gone.

f*cking waste.

- All the best now. All the best now.
- Thank you! Bye-bye.

- f*cking weirdo.
- WOMAN: Excuse me?

- Gerald, what's going on?
- f*ck. Put that thing on.

We'd best go back
to the petrol station.

- MAN: What are you two doing?
- Is this your car? This your vehicle?

Listen, do not be alarmed, because
we actually work for a charity

that goes around helping old people,
filling up their cars.

We fill up vehicles with the diesel
and petrol.

- No Carol, come on.
- God bless, God bless.

What are they doing, Donna?

- Hello-ello-ello!
- Honey, I'm home!

- VINNIE: Shh, shh!
- Where's the body?

- Shut the f*ck up!
- What you doing?

The f*cking cleaner's here.
I'm hiding, you c**t.

Go on, get gone. Hide!
[DOOR OPENS]

f*ck off.
[MUSIC PLAYS ON HEADPHONES]

♪ MARINA P AND MUNGO'S HI FI:
The Beat Goes Ska! ♪

♪ Drums keep pounding a rhythm

♪ To the brain

♪ La-de-da-de-de...

- Argh!
- Shh!

♪ Ska beat was once

♪ All the rage, uh-huh

♪ History has turned the page,
uh-huh...

[SONG CONTINUES QUIETLY
ON HEADPHONES]

[PHONE VIBRATES]

Hi? No. I'm on my way.

I am. I've already left.

♪ And the beat goes on ♪ On and on! ♪

- Has she gone?
- What you doing in the sexy fridge?

We'll use that leg of lamb
to get the croc away from the body.

- Come on.
- Alright.

I'm going.

Hello, love.

- Ooh, bit of lamb for you there.
- MEENA: Go on.

She's not even slightly arsed.

Could
we not have f*cking defrosted that?

Well, we've had no f*cking time
to defrost it, have we?

- Hold that.
- Argh! Eurgh!

I'm f*cking going in.

Ooh, just be careful.
[ALL SCREAM]

- What is that?!
- Don't drop it, you d*ck.

- Oh, my God, dude. Argh!
- Argh!

- Where's the rest of it?
- It's just a f*cking thumb, isn't it?

Well, she's f*cking had it,
hasn't she? Greedy b*tch.

Guys, no one's gonna believe
that he shot himself in the head

with half a f*cking arm
and a missing thumb.

DAVEY: Well,
this really is some plan B.

Instead of planting paintings,

you've literally rendered him armless.

Hats don't compliment my face shape,

but if I did wear one,
I'd take it off for you

for this formidable display.

- Hm.
- Oh, it's delicious.

Your cunning and your wickedness

in contriving of a plan to...

feed a man to his own pet,

and then dress it up
as some kind of tragic accident.

Oh, it's truly inspired.

Uh... Thank you?

f*cking idiot. It was an accident!

I kicked him so hard
he shot his face off.

- Who else knows about this?
- No one. Just us...

and that's it.

- He has a lot of associates.
- Mm.

A lot of dangerous people rely on him.

Be hard to cover your tracks.

Donna's right.

This is bound to escalate things.

You've k*lled one of their own.

Unless...

♪ TRANSVISION VAMP: Baby I Don't Care ♪

[SHOP BELL JINGLES]
[BOTH SIGH]

k*ll me now.

- This is a big moment.
- Is it?

It's gnome time, guys.
[EXHALES]

Oh, he is beautiful.

He's small, but he's perfectly formed.

It's beautiful, like a tiny
Kenny Rogers. How are you?

[LOLA GROWLS]

How can she watch that?

As something
of a specialist on the matter,

I would say she looks like she's
getting off on it.[DOOR OPENS]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
DAVEY: Hm, Manolito's minions.

What's going on?

What's going on?

Where's Manolito?

He's in there...

feeding Lola.

Why don't you take a look?

Jesus Christ.

We need to think about
what we're gonna feed her next.

No, no. I... I... I think

these lads look like they're, er...
[CLEARS THROAT]

- ..they could come in use.
- Yeah.

You'll need someone to guide you.

Show you the diary,
the transactions and everything.

I know the pin code to his phone.

I've got his thumb.

You'll have to deal with McCann.

- What do you f*cking mean McCann?!
- Would that be Terence McCann?

Yeah, Manolito's been running
his business since he's been inside.

Er...

Ju... f*cking hell. Un-fu...

f*cking working
for McCann this entire time!

f*ck me!

I-I'm happy Manolito's dead.
I never liked him.

Really?

So much for loyalty.

I suppose you would like
to come and work for us now, mm?

[LOLA GROWLS]

Alrighty, then. Welcome aboard.

Now, according to Manolito's phone,
we've got a very important meeting

this evening with Manolito's supplier.

So, let's really
put our best foot forward,

and get this show on the road.

[SOFTLY] Nailed it.

[SIREN BLARES]

Watch out, dogs.

Oi.

Finally!
I've been waiting here hours.

Appreciate you calling.

Turns out the car
was used in a heist at the Lowry.

Oh, sounds like
I called you just in time.

[expl*si*n RUMBLES]

♪ TOM PETTY: Free Fallin' ♪

♪ She's a good girl

♪ Loves her mama

♪ Loves Jesus

♪ And America too

♪ She's a good girl

♪ Who's crazy 'bout Elvis

♪ Loves horses

♪ And her boyfriend, too...

[HISSES]

♪ And it's a long day

♪ Livin' in Reseda

♪ There's a freeway

[MUFFLED] ♪ Runnin' through the yard

♪ And I'm a bad boy

♪ Cos I don't even miss her

♪ I'm a bad boy

♪ For breakin' her heart

♪ And I'm free!

♪ Free fallin'

♪ Yeah, I'm free... ♪

MAN: Hey, hey, it's calm.
It's calm, we got this.

Don't go ruining this
with any of your showboating.

[MIMICS] 'Don't go ruining this with
any of your showboating, Davey.'

I seen those two before...

..but I don't know you from Adam.

Did Manolito not tell you
he's going away on a long cruise?

He might not see land for some time.

I'm not just dealing with anyone.

No, of course not, sweetheart.

That's why he sent us.

You can deal with us from now on.

Unless you wanna go on a long cruise?

Now, are we doing this transfer
and getting our food?

Alright.

[LAPTOP CHIMES]
Done.

[CLICKS, WHISTLES]

You see, that's what I'm saying?
It's alright.

CAROL: See? I told you that
everything would work out alright.

Yeah, well, I think
the universe has given up now

trying to tell me something.
I think it's screaming at me

to leave this town
before it's too bloody late.

Oh, you can't leave.
I mean, what about Vinnie, like?

[PHONE RINGS]
Ah!

Tyler, see? If that isn't a sign.

- You alright, darling?
- TYLER: [ON PHONE] Hi, Mum.

I'm just with your Auntie Carol.
You OK?

Yeah, I'm fine.
When are you coming back?

Listen, listen, I've been thinking...

how about me and you
go to your Grandad's old flat,

- the one by the sea for a bit, eh?
- Yeah, that'd be great.

I'd er... I'd love a little
weekend break away.

I love it down there.

Alright, well...
we'll start packing when I get home.

- Alright, babe. Alright, bye.
- Bye, Mum.

Come on.

♪ VERDI: Libiamo, Ne' Lieti Calici ♪

[PHONE VIBRATES]

Oh, where's that bloody phone?

Huh?

Terence McCann.

You know, you can reset the passcode
once you've opened it.

Yes, I know, Donna,
but I enjoy doing it like this.

It's more of a human touch.

Oh, bugger. Oop.

Ugh. Come here. Oh.

Terrence will have to wait. [SCOFFS]

[LAUGHS]

Dirty b*stard.

f*cking Terrence McCann?!
For f*ck's sake, it's unreal.

So this package
is from McCann to Manolito?

TMC. TMC. That's it, isn't it?
Terrence McCann.

What's in it in, then?
Is it a severed head?

What's that?

What the f*ck is that?

[LAUGHS] It's a little clay man
with his c*ck hanging out.

- He's got chode on him, a'n't he?
- It's not very well made though.

He's probably did this
himself, f*cking idiot.

No, it'll have something
inside it, won't it?

Go on, smash it open, Ashley.

- Maybe we should wait until we actually know...
- Smash it!

- Smashley!
- Oh, my God, dude.

- No?
- No, there's nothing in there.

Of course not!

Oi, remember that film a while ago,
the smugglers were all building

little statues of the Virgin Mary
and they did it out of cocaine.

- Oh... Ashley!
- They made it out of, they made it...

Your drift, I am very much catching it.

- Here we go, let's have a go.
- Go on.

[SNIFFS]
f*cking nutcase, dude.

[SCREAMS]

Gah! It's not cocaine. It's not.

ALL: Ohh.

Well, maybe we can put it
back together. It could...

Good riddance to bad rubbish.
[LAUGHS]

Why would that have been cocaine?
It's a terracotta f*cking statue.

Do you not know they got that
f*cking red brick prison cocaine?

They don't!

- They do.
- Dude, they smuggle drugs...

into jail. They don't
smuggle them out, you clown!

Those lads would be making
a few quid by smuggling it out.

- 'Get this out!'
- If they've got too much inside.

- Guys, guys.
- What?

That thing you've just thrown out
is worth 100,000 euros.

f*ck!
[BRAKES SQUEAL]

Oh, f*ck!

ALL: No!

Oh, no.

f*cking unreal, unreal.

[ALL ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

f*ck! f*ck it!

- Jim?
- Bea!

- When where last you seen her?
- Years back.

Unlike you, I've got time
to find someone better.

I've been loved!
And I've been loved again.

The 'accidental' meeting...

I just wanted to see you again.

- I still like all the same things.
- Oh, f*ck.

- That's a bit close.
- I should never have gone looking for her.

f*ck it. Happiness is a c**t.

f*ck!

♪ I got so much trouble in my mind

♪ I got so much trouble in my mind

♪ Give me the strength to carry on

♪ Give me the strength to carry on

♪ Cos everything I got
is just about gone

♪ And I think about it... ♪