01x01 - Ziterella

[bunniefuu]

Who's that girl, what's her name?
Is she cool, is she lame?

Oh, you're talkin'
About what's-her-name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame, is she cool?
Is she breakin' every rule?

-Is she anybody's fool, Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann!
Marchin' in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann...

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL: Is that that girl from gym class?

-MOOSE: No, that's me.
-GIRL 1: Oh.

GIRL 2: Who is she,
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

...Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!
She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann...

Ooh, five bucks.

...Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

[GRUNTS]

Ready for our first yearbook pictures
tomorrow, Pepper Ann?

-Yup.
-NICKY: Are you sure?

I mean, this isn't just another
grade school class picture.

This is for the yearbook.

I'm not worried at all.
Why would I be worried?

Just because whenever
the class pictures came out,

everyone would point to me and laugh?

Just because all my last pictures
either looked like this,

or this, or this... or this?

Oh, man, I forgot about that one.

That was the past. Elementary school.
I hadn't perfected my look yet.

This year, I've got it down.

-Got what down?
-PEPPER ANN: My too-hip-to-smile smile

-MILO: Explain.
-The head-tilt-hair-back-brow-raise

chin-lift-half-teeth-no-gums smile

Example.

-MILO: Ooh. Ah. Hmm.
-[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

-BOTH: Excellent.
-Why aren't you people in class?

Because it's after school?

Oh, you think you're so funny.

Oh, yeah, I've heard about you.
You and your class picture shenanigans.

Well, you're in middle school now.

And that won't cut the mustard
in the big leagues.

Go ahead and laugh. [LAUGHS]

But my yearbooks have won
Best Yearbook Award

in Oakseednutwood County
for nine years straight.

And I don't want any goof-ups!

I'm watchin' you, Pearson!

-Okay, what was that?
-[SIGHS] Old people.

-[SCREAMS] It's Pink Eye Pete!
-Hi, Pepper Ann!

Wanna look through my kaleidoscope?

-Oh, I've gotta rinse my eyes now!
-He was nowhere near you.

PEPPER ANN: But he said my name!

I am not ready for my yearbook picture.

-I look beautiful.
-You look beautiful.

-But I am definitely having...
-An awesome hair day!

[PANTS]

-Wack...
-O.

[PANTS]

[WATER BUBBLING]

Oh.

No way.

-[INTERCOM DINGS]
-PRINCIPAL HICKEY: Attention students!

Everyone with last names Afghak
through Ogilvy

report to the gym
for yearbook pictures now.

As for the rest of you,

let's see, that would be Pearson
through Zimbalist,

your yearbook pictures are tomorrow.
Not in a few days,

not a week from tomorrow,

-tomorrow!
-[GULPS]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

-Block or pony?
-[GULPS] What?

Do you want the block or the pony?

[WHIMPERS]

-Block or pony?
-Uh... uh, block.

For the love of Sam, smile! Smile!

-[TEETH CHATTERING]
-[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

-Where? Where?
-I don't see it.

What do you mean? It's huge!

If you say so.

Pimple cream. I need pimple cream!

-Sorry. I've never had a pimple.
-Me neither. I saw one in a movie once.

I never saw that movie!
What am I gonna do?

There is a place called a store
where one can exchange moneys for goods

such as cream for the alleged pimple.

But what if someone sees me?
From then on, I'll be known as Pimple Ann.

I'll have no friends,
I'll have no hobbies, no confidence.

Oh. Oh, sure, I might get a low-wage job
at the Pizza Pit.

-Excuse me, where is that pimply waitress?
-Oh, you mean Pimple Ann.

Oh, Pimple Ann!

Uh-huh?

Whoa! Easy, Zit Girl.
I think pimples are kinda cool,

the way they swell, ooze, explode.

-Bleh!
-MILO: She's gonna blow!

Save the children!

All right!
I'll buy the pimple cream for you!

You will?

-I don't care if anyone sees me.
-Yes!

-[CAR HORN HONKING]
-Nicky, honey, violin lesson.

Oops, sorry.

Call me!

I'd like to help you, Ziterella,

but I gotta work on the design
I'm submitting for the yearbook cover.

I feel it really captures the theme.
Shiny, happy future.

Mom, listen!

[SIGHS] I'm sorry, honey, it's just
that I got this huge shipment

of sarongs. Nothing but sarongs.

Oh, I'll need a miracle to move these.
Or maybe...

Mom. Yearbook pictures are tomorrow.
Today, I get a pimple.

Can you say heinous?
You need to buy me cream.

My baby's growing up.

She got her first pimple!
[ECHOES]

-CROWD: Ew!
-[WHIMPERS]

So, will you buy me the cream?

-I'll do it!
-You will?

I'll promote the sarong
as the working woman's solution.

They're fashionable, yet sensible.
Sharp, yet chic.

I'll need some film.

Pepper, be a dear and get some film
when you go buy your pimple cream.

It's on sale at Abe's Mall.

[COUGHS] Abe's mall?

There is no way I'm going
to the Abys-Mall.

The Abys-Mall?

As in, if anyone saw me there,
my social life would be abysmal.

-Only freaks and geezers shop there.
-I shop at Abe's mall. [CHUCKLES, CHOMPS]

Now, do you see
why you have to buy it for me?

All I see is a pimple
on a young woman who's grown-up enough

to do just about anything
she sets her mind to.

[GROANS]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

-Oh, hey, glum-bunny.
-Hey, Aunt Janie.

-Why are... [GASPS] Look out!
-Incoming!

Careful, Moose!

Responsibility is the flip side
of personal freedom.

Okay.

Oh. [CHUCKLES] What a free spirit.

Like your Uncle JoJo. [LAUGHS]
She'll do anything.

Perfect!

Hey, Moose! Wanna make a quick buck?

Nah.

She's not normal.

Heads, I buy the pimple cream.
Tails, I get a giant facial tattoo.

Go to my mall.
It is not whack, it just got a bad rap.

And since none of your friends shop there,
no one will see you.

Trust me.

Hmm.

-[CAR HORNS HONK]
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

-Where you goin', Pepper Ann?
-Yeah, where you goin'?

Hey, look, a guy!

-Where you going...
-Pepper Ann?

Me? Nowhere. And if I were,
I wouldn't be going to Abe's Mall

if that's what you're thinking.

TESSA: She's getting worse, isn't she?

-It's scary.
-And kinda sad.

Where are you going?

-[GASPS]
-Hey, where ya goin'?

-Where are you going?
-Nowhere!

What's the ZIP code there?

Where are you going?

Yeah, where you goin'?

-[POLICE SIREN BLARES]
-Hey, there, Pepper Ann!

Taking the long way to Abe's Mall, are ya?

[PANTS] Hey, Uncle JoJo.

Here, take a donut.

Hey, they're fat-free!

MOOSE: Uh, mom?

Now, don't worry,
I took a photography class in college.

It's one of those things you never forget.
Like, uh...

Uh...
-[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

-Hello, Ms. Pearson.
-Hey, Lydia. Is PA home?

Uh, no, she's not home right now.

Hmm, excellent glare. Won't you come in?

-[SCREAMS]
-[MILO SCREAMING]

[BIRD SQUAWKS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[WHIMPERS]

It's official. I'm a freak.

Hey! On you, it works!

[COUGHS]

[WHISTLES]

-CASHIER: Next!
-[GULPS]

[MACHINE BEEPS, BUZZES]

[BABY WAILING]

-Price check.
-[YELLS] No!

[BODY THUDS]

-Are you okay?
-PEPPER ANN: Fine. I don't have a pimple.

Next?

I said next!

Ogilvy comma Peter. Block or pony?

Pony. [CHUCKLES]

SHOPPER: Watch your fall.
Watch your fall.

-Hey, kid. [GRUNTS]
-[SHOPPERS GRUNT]

[WHIMPERS, MUMBLES]

Mission accomplished.
Now, to get home as fast as possible.

But if I go too fast,
I'll probably hit a rock,

go flying, bonk my head,
get amnesia, and then...

Tonight, the police are asking
for the public's help

to identify a young girl.
She was found at Abe's mall.

No one knows how long she was lying here
without medical aid

since practically no one shops
at this loser mall

except for freaks and geezers.
Our only clue?

This tube of Plimpton's
Industrial Strength Pimple Cream.

It's my daughter!
My daughter with the pimple.

Oh, my, she's not very photogenic.

Whoa!

-[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
-LYDIA: Oh, great! Great!

Oh, give me more. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Oh, embrace the camera.

Work the lens, work it!
Oh, love it! Love it!

-I am not seeing this.
-Help us!

MILO: Call 911!

Goodbye, my postural foe. Prepare to dry.

Ah, better put some more on.

It's gone.

Now, nothing can stop me
from taking a great yearbook picture.

PRINCIPAL HICKEY: Attention, students!

Yearbook pictures
for Pearson through Zimbalist

will not be taken today.
I repeat, no yearbook pictures today.

The photographer canceled
at the last minute. Why me?

PHOTOGRAPHER: Pony.

FEMALE NURSE: This happens every year.

Pictures have been rescheduled
for tomorrow. [SOBS]

Wait a minute!
There's no need to panic, Vera.

I'll find a replacement. I've got to.

Sign my time card.

NICKY: Relax.

Nothing's gonna happen
between now and tomorrow.

-Your picture will be great.
-I love shopping.

The hunt for a bargain.
The thrill of a sale!

That's why I especially love shopping
at Abe's Mall.

No way!

-The Abys-Mall?
-Freak-o-rama!

-[STUDENTS CHUCKLING]
-[CHUCKLES]

The sales at Abe's Mall are phenomenal!

How do I know? I do the math!
Twenty percent off luggage.

Thirty-five percent off shoes.

Fifty percent off Plimpton's Pimple Cream!

Isn't that right, Pepper Ann?

[LAUGHS] I... I wouldn't know.
I've never been to the Abys...

-Abe's Mall.
-Really?

Well, you know, I mean I've heard of it,
but I've never actually been there.

Oh, don't be a modest mathematician.
Let's give credit where credit is due!

[STUDENTS LAUGH]

I think we know who this week's
Savin' Maven is!

Come to think of it,
I guess my mall is kind of whack.

[SHRIEKS]

-[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
-MS. STARK: All right, everyone!

Your assignment is to go to Abe's Mall,
like Pepper Ann,

and see just how fun percentages can be!

[STUDENTS LAUGH]

Enough! Okay, fine! I was there!

And you know what? I liked it.

No crowds, no lines.
I was in and out like that!

And Ms. Stark was right!
The savings are amazing!

It's okay. We're here for you.

-You really went to Abe's Mall?
-My life is trash.

[MALE VOICE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

No, it's got to be tomorrow
to get the pictures ready in time

-for the yearbook.
-[MALE VOICE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Well, can't they just get married
some other time?

-[DIAL TONE]
-Hello? Hello?

Sarongs? [SHRIEKS]
What was I thinking?

I'm not gonna lie, Mitch.
You screwed up.

But thanks to my extensive
photography experience,

I've put together the perfect promotion.

-I know. I love it too.
-[GASPS]

-Hey, Pep.
-Not now.

I gotta change my name
and move outta town.

-Okay.
-Hey!

-[SERENE MUSIC PLAYING]
-Hey, that's Hazelnut!

Hi! Welcome to House of Hip.
Supermodel Mindy here,

continuing our series
on the coolest hangouts in America.

Now, today, I'm in Hazelnoot...
uh, Hazelnut with Flaming Snot.

-Hi, supermodel Mindy. I love you.
-[CHUCKLES] Thanks.

Um, so, where are we shopping, you guys?

Wait. Where are we going shopping,
you guys?

I didn't mean to do it but it...

-Abe's Mall!
-Abe's Mall!

-[GASPS]
-We love Abe's Mall!

Coolest mall in the colonies.

BOY: Dig it, man. Lots of birds.

It's the only place you can buy
Plimpton's Pimple Cream at 50 percent off.

That's a savings of 93 cents!

I use it to stiffen me 'do.

So, remember, you heard it here fist...
first! [CHUCKLES] Bye.

-Huh! No way, that's you, Peppy!
-[GROANS]

[MALE VOICE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Of course,
it's that old bar mitzvah excuse again!

-It's over! [SOBS] Over, I tell you!
-Sing, fat lady, sing.

Unless...

Out of the way, little man!
I need this booth!

-[POLICE SIREN WAILS]
-JOJO: Oh, Hickey.

When are you gonna learn
this never solves anything?

I can't help it! [SOBS]

JOJO: Sugar-free jelly roll?

Mm.

Beautiful.

-Hey, Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

-Saw you on TV, Pepper Ann!
-Too cool!

Pepper Ann! Fashion-forward is you!

CRAIG: Hey, Pearson.

[BIRD CHIRPS]

-[GLASS SHATTERS]
-[ECG MACHINE BEEPS]

Cool cream.

-That was an eighth grader.
-Middle school rules!

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

-Okay, Pearson! You're next!
-Ready.

Is that my grown-up little lady?

Smile for Mommy!

-[SCREAMS]
-[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

[STUDENTS LAUGH]

Only 1,274 days until she graduates.

I think I'm going to be sick.