01x05 - Megablades of Grass/Family Vacation

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's that girl? What's her name?
Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?
Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann

MALE VOICE: Who?

GIRL:
Is that that girl from gym class?

-MOOSE: No, that's me.
-GIRL: Oh.

GIRL: Who is she
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!

Ooh, a bicentennial quarter.

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

PEPPER ANN: Okay, Milo... check it!

I give you... The Bad Move.

[YELLS]

Way to go.

You have to flail around
to make it look good.

Kinda like synchronized swimming.

[RUMBLING]

-PEPPER ANN: Whoa.
-[MUNCHES, LAUGHS]

What... are... those?

ANNOUNCER: Billy, why are you still
skating in the past?

Huh? Oof!

ANNOUNCER: Quadro-shock absorbers.
Toe activated front lights.

And six wheels!

Megablade 3000s... blade into the future.

[GASPS]

ANNOUNCER: And now, we return...

-Cool!
-...to All My Problems.

Now Peppie, I know you don't usually
"wig out" over the things in the store,

but you're just gonna love these culottes!

Okay, smile and nod, pick your place,
it's all in the timing.

Mom, blading technology
has grown by leaps and bounds!

You've got to buy me...
Mom, I need Megablade 3000s!

Oh, Peppie, your skates are fine.
Now, what do you think of the culottes?

-Aren't they just the "phattest?"
-But Mom...

I can't keep buying you
new skates every year.

Let's take a walk.

You won't get me the blades
and I have to mow the lawn.

I can't do it!
I'm not built for mowing! I...

Ah-ha!

I don't want to hear those words
come out of your mouth again.

You're built for anything
you set your mind to.

Earn yourself those Supraroller 500s!

Mow this lawn
and I'll give you ten dollars.

Put that with your allowance
and that's seventeen.

In two weeks you'll have twenty seven.

Mow! Save!
Make your dream come true, Peppie!

I'll do it!

[STRAINS]

-Hey, Pep. Doin' yard work?
-Uh-huh.

MILO: How do you bear the tedium?

Uh, actually, it's a lot
more fun than it looks.

-Do tell.
-I get to be so creative.

Man, the lawn is like a...
chlorophyll canvas,

waiting to be filled
by my dreams and imagination.

-[SHIVERS]
-MILO: Uh, Pep?

Do you think I could, um...

-Uh...
-Oh.

You want to... Oh...

[CHUCKLES] I don't know.

I mean, you've never pushed
one of these things before.

Come on. Let me trip the lawn fantastic.

-Milo, I just don't know...
-Thanks!

Multiply by seven, carry the six...

[SIGHS] By the time I get these blades,
they're not gonna be Mega anymore.

That's a swell job
you did on the lawn there.

A good lawn means three things,
croquet, croquet, croquet.

Would ya be interested in doing mine? Hmm?

We'd love to. Let's talk terms.

Wow. I feel so... artistically fulfilled.

So in tune with my environment.
So awake. How?

How can I accept monies for this?

Milo. Milo. Milo.
Did Van Gogh paint for free?

-Actually, yeah, he...
-He was insane.

Milo, what do you see?

Don't answer. You know what I see?

Opportunities. To connect with the earth.
To express yourself in grass.

To make a little coinage.

I could buy my Megablades
and you could get...

whatever it is you like getting.

We'll do it together!
What do you say, partner?

Let's mow with all the colors of the wind.

Oh.

-Yes, feel the earth.
-Wow, we're one with the lawn.

[CHEERING]

[SNIFFLES]

-We're doing fine, Milo. Way fine.
-We're done.

You have enough for your blades.
It's kinda too bad.

I was on the verge
of an artistic breakthrough.

-Blades?
-Megablades.

Milo, Milo, Milo.

This is bigger
than some hyped-up glam rollers!

Look around! It's just a glimpse
of what we can achieve.

Today, residential acreage,
tomorrow doggie runs,

the grassy plains of Zaire.
Golf courses, Milo.

Fore!

-I could dig that to China.
-We're gonna own this town.

Easy, Rockefeller.
It is not to own. It is to mow.

[SCREAMS]

[STRAINS]

I just closed the Radcatcher deal!
We're talking weekly mows.

Milo, we own Chestnut Street.

PA, I don't care about owning any street.
We should slow down.

-I don't want to lose the muse.
-Oh, sorry. What?

I could use some help here.

What I'm going for is something organic,
to complement the landscape.

No can do, Milo. I've got
a three o'clock at Lots O' Plots cemetery.

Thank you. You're very kind.

[HUMMING]

I thought I told you, Dieter.

Me and Milo handle
the mowing in Hazelnut now.

My family isn't afraid of you, Pepper Ann.

We decided to keep
mowing the lawn ourselves.

[WHIMPERS]

Then I wish you the best of luck
on the path you have chosen, Dieter.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

[SCREAMS]

Congratulations!
I signed three new accounts today,

including Dieter's house.

-You desecrated a masterpiece.
-What?

-You maimed topiary.
-I what?

You whacked Dieter's giraffe!

You decapitated a shrub

to further your mad agenda
for landscaping domination.

I'll admit, it was a regrettable incident,

but now you'll be able
to make his lawn even more beautiful.

Like you care about the art.

I'm out here creating,
while you drink Boobleberry Chillade,

intimidate the locals
and tend to your empire.

Milo, we have six more lawns to do.
Can we talk about this later?

You haven't listened to me once.
That's it, I'm outi.

Wait, Milo! Milo, don't give this up.
We own this town!

Pepper Ann, hear me. Hear. Me.

Hear me! I don't want to own anything!

Fine. I'll do it myself.

This isn't so bad. I just gotta...

[GROANS]

Bring back Milo!

My lawn now weeps bitter tears.

Curse you o' befouler of yards!

Hey, look at the bright side. You still
have enough for those Megablades.

Megablades! I forgot all about them.

Why, Pepper Ann? Why?

It was nothing personal,
it was just business.

"Just business" to saw me off at the neck
and plant me in Dieter's bed.

Well... uh, I might have lost my head
on that one.

Oh. Sorry.

Just remember, Pepper Ann,

that on the ladder to success
you cannot knock people out of the way.

Or force your friends to push you up.

If you want to keep it real,
you have to do it yourself,

fair and square, without... Oh, no...

I go to a better place, now.
Farewell! Farewell!

The giraffe head is right.

-Oh, it's her.
-I was out of control.

Drunk on the smell of cut grass, money,
and people being afraid of me.

Forgot what was important.
I'm sorry, Milo.

Uh, after I paid Coach Doogan
back for flooding her yard

and replaced the Lederhosen's giraffe,
I still had some money left. So...

Oh... A tandem mower.

We can do it right this time, as a team!

-What do you say?
-Let's get to mowin'.

PEPPER ANN: Okay, Milo... check it!

[YELLS]

Whoa!

-[MUNCHES, LAUGHS]
-What... are... those?

[GROANS]

PEPPER ANN: Snow shoveling, Milo!

I... I... I'm... I'm telling you,
snow shoveling is the answer.

[GROWLS, SNORTS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

El Toro is the most fearsome bull
in all the land.

To fight him thusly is madness!

Sí. For any other matador, this is true.

But not for Chile Ana!

Think about it, Toro.
Do you really want to go there?

Oy vey. [GROANS]

Thank you, Tijuana. I love you!

REPORTER 1: Chile Ana, how did you manage
to tame the fearsome El Toro?

Hey, it boils down to one thing
and one thing only,

who's in control.

REPORTER 2: Pepper Ann, when are you
going to get your butt in gear?

BOTH: Huh?

LYDIA: I said when are you going
to get your butt in gear?

-We're gonna hit traffic.
-[MEOWS]

I can't believe I'm being forced

-to go to Lake Tammy.
-[STEVE SCREECHES]

Come on, it's not that bad.

Well at least this year,
Mom's letting you bring Milo along.

Yeah. Milo always thinks
of cool stuff to do.

Okay, he's the only bright spot
in the black hole that is Lake Tammy!

-[HORN HONKING]
-Come on, Peppie! We're burning daylight!

[STRAINS]

Honey, I told you to pack light.

This... is... light. [GRUNTS]

Ah!

[STRAINS, GROANS]

-[GROANS]
-[SCREECHES]

What the fuzzy? Who are you?

-Hey, Crash.
-Well, Peppie, since you brought a friend,

I thought it only fair
that your sister bring a friend, too.

MILO: Hey there, luggage lady.

[SIGHS] Hola, Mi-loco amigo.

Help me with my bag, will ya?

-A toothbrush?
-Well, y'know. Just in case.

So, check it out, Milo.
We're gonna have an awesome trip.

I brought magnetic mahjong,
tiddlywinks...

Um...

Can I sit in the middle seat?

Dream on, Trash.
Okay, which should we play first?

But I get nauseous if I sit up front.

Then bite down on the dashboard.

[GASPS] I know Travel Contortie.

Oh, Peppie, let Slash sit
in the middle seat.

I just got the smell out of the upholstery
from our trip to Hurlie-World.

Milo can ride up front with me.

Mom, there is no way
Milo wants to ride up front with you.

And that is why it's called rayon!

Cool. Tell me the tale of taffeta again.

[GIGGLES]

[BOTH GIGGLING]

Will you stop that?

LYDIA: Pepper Ann! Don't make me
put you in the travel doghouse.

[WHIMPERS]

So I said to Mitch,

I said, "you can't drop a triple
cross-stitch into a French crease."

-Hey Milo, wanna play...
-No! Go on, a French crease?

Oh! So you know what he says to me?

Hey, Milo,
I'm Barfey, the friendly purple...

What? What does he say?

LYDIA: "I said fleece, not crease."

[LAUGHS] Oh, please, Lydia!
Oh, you're k*lling me!

[LAUGHS]

-Hey, Clash. Wanna play Contortie?
-Oh, I... I'm wearing a back brace.

-Okay. How about hangman?
-I'm allergic to vowels.

Fine. How about "license plate"?

-How do you play that?
-I'll show you.

[GASPS] Texas!

[SCREAMS]

-My eye!
-Hey, g*ng, how about a little music?

Got it covered!

Who's up for a little Flaming Snot?

-MILO: Cool!
-MOOSE: Rock on.

CRASH: Flaming who?

-I... I can fix it.
-Oh, that's okay. We have the radio.

RADIO HOST: And now, a moment
from Strauss' Fledermaus,

in which Zevla weeps
for her brother Schnorr

on the cliffs of Pergansk.

Mom, nobody wants to listen to Die Fl...

La-la-la-la-la

La-la-la-la-la

-La-la-la-la-la
-La-la-la-la-la

-La-la-la-la-la
-La-la-la-la-la

La-la-la-la-la

La-la-la-la-la

La-la-la-la-la

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Ah, freedom.

What I wouldn't give
for a little piece of sky...

LYDIA: Ooh, we're down to half a tank!

-Time to gas up!
-Sanctuary.

Cool!

Hey Milo!
Up for a game of Crunch Pod?

Milo?

They just don't make piping
like this anymore.

I can make postcards of myself.

Wha? Uh! Hey!

[GROANS]

That's what I'm in the mood for.

A nice stick
of chemically-processed jerky.

-Hi there.
-Whatever.

-I'd like to order a Beef...
-Pepper Ann! What are you doing?

-Ordering a Beef...
-I will not let you waste your money

on junk food. Not when I brought... pears!

-But, Mom, I really want a Beef...
-LYDIA: Ah-ha!

Remember our talk about fiber?

[SCREAMS]

-[CHEWS]
-Huh?

[GROANS]

I can't stand my family!

Isn't that a little bit harsh?

Harsh?
First, I didn't get to go to Tijuana.

Then my Mom turns Milo
into a fabric zombie.

Finally, I am forced to ride 3,000 miles
next to an opera-loving accident.

I never get to do what I want to do!

I... [SOBS]
...thought it was the boys room!

And the name's Crash.

-Crash.
-Wait, Hash!

Great.

If only I was in control of my own life.
[SOBS]

If only I was... free.

-[KNOCKING]
-Occupied.

I'll be out in a second!

I said occupied!

Hey Pearson. We're waiting.

-Waiting? Waiting for what?
-Waiting for you.

-Boss. Where to now, Boss?
-Yeah, where to now?

Anywhere we want!

Who's up for Travel Contortie?

BIKERS: [CHEERING]
All right. Travel Contortie.

[KNOCKING]

Hit the sidewalk, sister. I gotta buff.

[SIGHS]

-Come on. We should be getting back.
-No.

What do you mean, "no"?

I mean I'm through. Finished.
Enough is enough!

I'm taking the bull by the horns.
We're going to start doin' stuff my way!

And if they don't like it, they can go
on their stupid vacation without me!

Mom! Moose! Milo!

Mom? Moose? Milo?

If you're lookin' for your family,
they loaded up about five minutes ago.

-Loaded up?
-Loaded up and pulled out.

Now move it, girlie.
You're scuffin' my linoleum.

They left. Without me.

-Great!
-What?

Well, this is exactly what you wanted!

Now you can take control
of your own life... life... life...

PHANTOM BIKER: Hey there, punkin.

Don't you "punkin" me!
Do you know what kinda day I had?

The grill caught on fire,
the toilets exploded,

the cat choked on a Beef Snappy.
But do you care?

-Sure I do.
-No, you don't.

You've got your glamorous career
down at the bait shop. Me?

All I've got
is this deserted sinkhole

and my dried mariachi frogs.

[MARIACHI TUNE PLAYS]

Sing for mama, mis hombres pequeños.

Sing!

I was too young to take control.

[CRYING]

Don't be sad, sugar.
After all, you still have...

me! Wanna wear my biker goggles?

No!

I'd give anything to have my family back.

-[SOBS] Anything!
-[HORN HONKING]

There you are!
I pull around to top off the radiator

and you disappear
like Little Miss Houdini!

Hello, dopey old minivan.

Hello, smelly old back seat!

[GASPS] Hello, my weird family
who has thus far

ignored me and forced me
to do things I don't want to do. [GASPS]

I love you!

[SIGHS] That's my girl.
Now let's hit the highway!

-I get the back!
-[GROANS]

Hey, Moose! Mash!
Do that funny window thing!

[MOOSE AND CRASH CHUCKLE]

PEPPER ANN: Okay. That's enough
of the funny window thing!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC CONCLUDES]