02x05 - One Good Fern Deserves Another/U.S. Acres: Goody-Go-Round/The Black Book

[bunniefuu]

- Hey,

- Hey, jon,

- Hey, jon, look

- Hey, jon, look what

I can do with this grape?

[ Gulps ]

- Ha, that's nothing.

Watch this.

- I'm not impressed.

Watch this.

- Oh, yeah? Watch this!

[ Gulping continues ]

- How did...

- Don't ask.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield and friends.

- Friends are there

- To help you get started,

To give you a push on your way

- Friends are there

- To turn you around,

Get your feet on the ground

For a brand new day

- They'll pick you up

When you're down

- Help you swallow your pride

When something inside says

To break on through

To the other side.

- Friends are someone

You can open up to

- When you feel like

You're ready to flip

- When you've got the world

On your shoulders

- Friends are there

To give you a tip

- Friends are there

When you need them,

They're even there

When you don't

- For a walk in the park

Or a shot in the dark,

Friends are there

- I don't care

- But friends will care

For you

- A funny thing happened to me

On my way to my cartoon show.

- The dreaded jungle tiger cat

Prowls in search of food,

Growl, snarl, growl, growl.

It's my fantasy.

I can have all

The sound effects I want, okay?

Oh, no!

It's the terminally

Poisonous jungle snake

Waiting to lure

An unsuspecting victim

With his hypnotic dance of doom.

But the jungle tiger cat

Is the supreme predator,

The consummate hunter

And, fortunately,

The smartest link

In the food chain.

Roar!

[ Growling, barking ]

- Garfield! Odie!

My plants!

Look at this mess!

Oh, no, not my ferns again!

[ Whimpers ]

- I've told you before not

To play with the houseplants,

Especially the ferns.

I ought take away

Your t.v. Privileges

As punishment.

- No, no, not that.

Please, my favourite movie

Attack of the giant pod people

Is on today.

I'll sit here and be good.

I won't do anything.

I won't sleep, I won't eat.

I won't even scratch.

Let me know if he's buying this.

Honest, I promise.

- There must be a fern

Somewhere that's garfield-proof.

[ Laughs ]

- Cat got the fern again,

Eh, jonny?

Shame, you know that one

You bought last time

Was a real beauty.

Adiantum capillus-veneris,

I believe.

- I want a strong fern

This time, mr. Rhizome,

One that can stand up

To real punishment.

One that looks like this one!

- Oh, dear. My eyes are going.

I'll be needing

New glasses soon.

That's, ah!

Nefrolapus exaltata,

I believe.

Got a few of them

In this morning

With the arboretum shipment.

- I'll take it!

- They'll ring it up

For you at the counter, jonny.

- Thanks, mr. Rhizome.

- Hello, exhibit department.

The meat-eating fern?

Oh, that would be

Nefrolepus monstera

Autoverum deliciosus strangula.

Yes, came in today.

Gee, it was here a moment ago.

- Hi, boys. Wait till

You see what I bought!

- Is it edible,

Whatever it is?

[ Barks ]

- This fern is called

Nefrolapus exaltata,

Introduced in 1793

From the tropics.

Reproduces from spores.

- Yuck!

I don't touch anything

That has spores.

- Keep adequately lit

But well away from heat

And direct rays of the sun

And from cats named garfield.

- Hey, I'm famous!

- Now, I'll go get it

Some water.

[ Pants ]

- Leave it alone or I won't

Let you watch attack

Of the giant pod people.

- You're a cruel man,

Jon arbuckle.

I've got half an hour

Till my movie.

Somebody there?

Could have sworn somebody

Came into the room.

Oh, well.

There's somebody here.

Maybe it's an evil,

Ugly monster?

No, worse!

Maybe it's nermal!

The plant is waving at me?

Nah!

Must be my bored imagination

Crying out for

Trivial amusement.

Only 20 minutes till my movie.

I'll watch some

Meaningless drivel until then.

- Cut it out, odie.

Hey! Hey!

This is not happening!

This is not happening!

[ Growls ]

- This is not happening!

Now I know how everything

I've ever eaten must have felt!

Yikes!

- Garfield, you let go

Of that fern!

- We would like very much

To be able to do that.

Any suggestions?

- Yikes!

Help! Help!

- You were saying something

About me letting go of the fern?

[ Growls ]

- Garfield, get help!

- Get help?

- No!

- What am I gonna do?

Hello police, I'd like

To report a geranium

Eating my friends?

Stay back!

I've got a food processor

And I know how to use it!

[ Knocking on door ]

- Johnny boy,

Are you all right?

Hold on, jonny, I'll save you.

Back, back, I say!

Down! Bad plant!

- Ah, I just found

The thousand island dressing

And I was about to make

The world's biggest salad bar.

- Wha-wha-what was that!

- Fern got your cat, hey jonny?

I'm sorry.

I accidently gave you

A rare meat-eating fern

By mistake.

Here is the real

Nefrolapus exaltata.

This naughty fern is

Going safely behind glass.

Sorry for the mix up.

- Well, let's watch

Some t.v. And relax.

- And now the afternoon movie

Attack of the giant pod people

The story of plant creatures

Who invaded earth and

Devoured everyone, everything.

[ Yells ]

- I don't think so.

- Welcome to the crochet hour.

Today we're going to discuss

How to make doilies

In the shape of

Small children.

- Hi, wade.

[ Shouts ]

- Oh, hello small chicks.

- We're going swimming, wade.

- Yeah, will you join us?

- Swimming!

[ Laughs ]

Not i.

I have dread of h2o.

- Well, you don't have

To get into the water.

- Yeah, just stand next to it.

- We really want you to be

With us, wade.

- Yeah, we need you.

- Sure, guys.

How wonderful to be needed.

[ Splash ]

[ Sputters ]

[ Laughs ]

- This is great!

Yahoo!

[ Pants ]

- Orson, I don't think

Water skiing in your wallow

Is such a cool idea, man.

Well, gotta go find

A record player.

- Bo, wait!

A record player?

- Like, why not?

We could all use a little music

In our lives.

- Gee, bo's been a good friend.

Maybe booker would let me

Have his old

Record player to give bo.

- All right, you wormy

Varmints, tex booker

Is gonna hog tie you.

You won't get away from me.

Gotcha! Ha!

Now I can reel you in!

Ha! Ha!

You're mine, worm.

[ Shouts ]

[ Smooch ]

- You, you, you worm you!

I'll catch you if it's

The last thing I ever do!

- At this rate it might be.

Do you need

This record player, booker?

I'd really love to give it

To bo.

He needs one badly.

- I need a skateboard so

I can go after that worm.

You find me a skateboard and

You can have the record player.

- Skateboard, huh?

Oh, okay, maybe roy has one.

- Oh, boy, pig approaching.

Ha!

When he walks in the bucket

Will fall and wham-o!

Drenched porker.

And then, an even better trick,

I offer him some of this garlic

And tabasco flavoured

Super-super hot chewing gum.

[ Laughs ]

- Roy, I have a favour

To ask you.

- Oh.

Orson, dear friend,

Have some gum.

- Thanks.

I'll chew it later.

Do you have a skateboard

You don't need?

- Yes, and I'll let you have it

If you'll get me a pie.

I so need pie.

- Pie, huh?

I'll see what I can do.

- Boy, two tricks failed.

He didn't chew the gum and

What was that other one?

Oh, right.

- Definitely not.

- Does that mean no pie?

- No, it means absolutely

No pie, comprendo?

These are for supper.

- Don't worry, lanolin,

I'll save you!

Power pig to the rescue!

- Now I'm really in trouble.

[ Crash ]

- Not bad but I really

Need that other pie.

- Well, you can't have it

For nothing.

I'll trade it to you

For a ladder.

Yeah, I got windows to wash.

- Today, wade, you take

To the air.

No more cowardice.

Today you fly.

- Oh, wade?

- Yikes!

[ Crash ]

- Whoa!

- Wade, I need a ladder.

- Take it, take it far.

From now on I only stay

On level ground.

No, wait, that's too high.

From now on,

I only stand in holes.

- Well, let me give you

Something for it.

- Take it!

- Gee, everyone else

Is getting something.

Oh, I know, have some gum.

- Gum?

Well, that's safe.

Thank you.

- Everything's gonna

Work out fine.

- For me?

Like, from pig to sheep?

- All yours, bo, enjoy it.

- Wow, you're a pal

And a half, man.

- I wonder what flavor gum

This is that orson gave me.

Maybe...

Ah! Ah!

[ Yells ]

- I'm gonna take

My ladder back.

[ Crash ]

- If I didn't get my ladder,

I want my pie back!

- Ah, a gourmet delight!

Fine cuisine in an elegant

Setting and no one around

To see me eat with my hands!

My pie! Where'd it go?

I gave up a skateboard

For that and I want it back!

- No chance, worm,

I have wheels.

- There's my skateboard!

[ Splash ]

- Hey, we had a deal!

- Far out, man.

Hey, chicken little, where you

Splitting with my record player?

- My record player!

- I am so happy!

Everything worked out

Great, sheldon!

What a great...

[ Yelling ]

- Buzz off half-pint!

- Who you calling half-pint?

You feather duster!

- Hold it, hold it!

What is everyone arguing about?

Let's get back together

Put these arguments to an end

Booker's not a half-pint

He's at least a pint,

My friend

Roy's more than

A feather duster

But not as smart as a pig

Lanolin's not obnoxious

It's just that

Her mouth is so big

Bo, you're better

Than a cotton swab

Even if you are a nerd

Wade's not a coward

Except for the fact that

He's afraid of

A cottage cheese curd

Sheldon's not a rotten egg

Maybe just soft-boiled

Let's take back

Everything we said

And not let our

Friendship be spoiled

- And we don't mean

To call you fat

[ All arguing ]

- Enough already.

Everybody take everything back!

Booker, give bo

The record player.

Roy, give booker the skateboard.

Lanolin, give roy the pie and

Wade, give lanolin the ladder.

Now, let's all be friends

And let's all share.

- Orson, you're right.

- Yeah, let's share everything.

- Yeah, sharing.

Care for some gum, roy?

- Don't mind if I do, wade.

- You know, everyone wound up

With just what they wanted

Expect you.

That's really not...

[ Alarm bell ]

[ Yells ]

- Yep, everybody

Got what they wanted

Or what they deserved.

- Jon: beautiful heather,

You are the one

Go out with me

And we'll have lots of fun

Travel to paris

London or rome

If I can somehow

Leave my orange cat at home

[ Phone rings ]

- Hello, this is jon arbuckle.

Garfield, stop doing that.

I can't come to the--

[ Whimpers ]

- No, take odie out of there.

Can't come to the phone

Right now.

Leave your message--garfield!

[ Beeps ]

[ Jon continues to sing ]

- People who sing in the shower

Should be dragged

Into the street and shot.

No, too good for him.

[ Singing continues ]

[ Barks ]

[ Pants ]

- Don't worry, boy.

Two more choruses

And I'm calling

The humane society.

- What a good shower.

[ Barks ]

- Yeah, odie, I'm going out

With heather, beautiful, lovely,

Perfect in every way heather.

- New girlfriend.

Jon just met her.

I give it till nine o'clock.

[ Yawns ]

- Uh-oh! 6:45.

I still have to call

And get directions

To her apartment.

No swinging bachelor should

Be without one of these boys,

The indispensable little black

Book of women's phone numbers.

Let's see, al's pizza delivery,

Chow mein city, ham sandwiches

Are us, garfield,

This is your little black book.

- Hey, you keep

The numbers you need,

I keep the numbers

I need, okay?

- This one's mine.

[ Phone rings ]

- Male voice: yeah, hello?

- He-heather?

- Heather's in the shower.

What do you want?

- Well, i, uh,

We were going out

To dinner tonight and...

- Not tonight, pal.

Tonight she's going

To dinner with me.

Ciao.

- She's got another guy there.

- Gee, 6:47.

That's a new record for jon.

That's what I like

About linguini.

It never stands you up.

- You know,

It just isn't worth it.

Who needs the heartbreak?

So much for heather

And all women.

It's better to stay a bachelor.

- I thought I heard

The phone ring, mike.

- Yes, sis.

Some guy called,

Said you were supposed

To go to dinner with him.

I told him you were going

To dinner with me.

- I bet that was jon.

He's the sweetest, cutest guy.

Tonight was supposed

To be our first date.

- You know, I gotta be

Careful who takes my sister out.

- Believe me,

Any guy who'd put up

With the cat he's got

Has to be the sweetest guy

In the world.

I left a message on

His answering machine

After you called

From the truck stop.

I wonder why he didn't get it?

- You know, boys,

It's great not

To feel the social pressure

Of trying to find a date

All the time

And I can save money, too.

Garfield, I want you to get rid

Of this little black book.

Don't give it back to me

No matter what I say,

No matter how much I insist.

Of course, heather is

The only girl

Who stood me up in a while.

Let me have it back, garfield.

No, you're not supposed

To give it back to me

No matter what I say!

This is stupid!

Garfield, give me back the book.

Garfield, I told you not

To give it back to me.

- Make up your mind!

- I'll order a take-out pizza

And we'll watch t.v.

Oh, look, I got a message

On my answering machine

While I was in the shower,

Let's see who it is.

- Jon, honey, it's heather.

My brother just got into town

And he wants

To take me to dinner.

Can we get together later?

Call me back.

Can't wait to see you.

- The guy who answered

The phone was her brother.

I gotta call her, give me back

My little black book.

Garfield, my little black book.

- Nope, I hid it.

- Come on, garfield, I really

Want my black book back now.

- A ton of bricks

Doesn't have to fall on me.

I've hidden it where

You'll never find it.

- Please?

Pretty please, garfield?

Give it back to me.

- How demeaning!

Have you no dignity?

Look who I'm asking.

- I've got to get

That book back.

- Oh, garfield,

Why don't you come

Into the kitchen for

A little snack?

- Did I hear someone

Say the s word?

[ Pants ]

- Oh, jon, you shouldn't have.

A medium-sized lasagna!

- Now, garfield, tell me where

You hid my book, hmm?

- My principles

Are not for sale.

- Give it back!

- No! Never!

- This is jon's house.

I want you to meet him.

He's so nice.

- Give me that book!

- Stay away from me!

- Jon?

- Gotcha!

[ Crash ]

- Hey, off sides!

- Jon? How could you treat

A cat like that?

You're not the nice guy

I thought you were!

I never want to see you again!

- Hey, stay away from my sister

You cat-hating creep!

- Heather, let me explain,

I was...

- Okay, here's your book.

See if I ever do you

A favour again!

- What good does it do me now?

Heather is gone forever.

[ Whimpers ]

- Here, boy.

Take this out and bury it

And don't tell me where it is!

[ Barks ]

- Look, garfield,

I'm really sorry.

I don't know what came over me.

- Well, all right, as long

As you admit to being an idiot

We'll let bygones be bygones.

- And another thing,

Jon arbuckle.

I guess I had it wrong, jon.

That cat does love you.

Call me later and we'll make

Plans for tomorrow night.

- You mean it?

- See you later, jonny.

[ Pants ]

- Odie! Everything's okay now.

Let me have

My little black book.

[ Growls ]

- Odie, give it to me!

- Uh-uh.

- Odie! Please, odie?

You must!

[ Pants ]

- I need to find it!

I gotta find it!

- I wish he'd learn

To make up his mind.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

- Maybe it's over there!

Maybe it's over there!

Maybe by the rosebush!

Oh, where is it?

[ Music ]