02x06 - The Legend of the Lake/U.S. Acres: Double Oh Orson/Health Feud

[bunniefuu]

- Good

- Good evening,

- Good evening, ladies

- Good evening, ladies and

- Good evengerms.adies and

I just flew in from the coast

And boy, are my paws tired.

Ha ha.

My car is so old

It's insured against fire

And theft and dinosaur stampede.

Ha, but I wanna tell you--

Take my dog, please.

- It must have been one

Of your better nights.

- I was in rare form.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield and friends.

- Friends are there

- To help you get started,

To give you a push on your way

- Friends are there

- To turn you around,

Get your feet on the ground

For a brand new day

- They'll pick you up

When you're down

- Help you swallow your pride

When something inside says

To break on through

To the other side.

- Friends are someone

You can open up to

- When you feel like

You're ready to flip

- When you've got

The world on your shoulders

- Friends are there

To give you a tip

- Friends are there

When you need them,

They're even there

When you don't

- For a walk in the park

Or a shot in the dark,

Friends are there

- I don't care

- But friends will care

For you

- A funny thing happened to me

On my way to my cartoon show.

- And if you step this way,

Folks, we'll continue with

Our tour of the cat museum.

Now this wing honours some

Of the true heroes of cat-dom.

This is

Dr. E. Leopold witsnitsky.

This man wasted over

$6 Million

Trying to perfect an inflatable

Scratching post.

Dumb.

And this exhibit honours

Buttons, the cat who set the

World's horse swallowing record

When he successfully swallowed

One horse.

Tied for second place is

Everyone else in

The entire world.

And that's the klopman diamond.

But what I really wanna

Show you is out here.

This lake is very important

In the history of cats.

There's a legend associated

With this lake

If you'd like to hear it.

[ Groans ]

- Good, I'll tell it.

[ Clears throat ]

The legend of the lake.

In verse no less.

A couple thousand years ago

Or maybe even more,

A band of prehistoric cats

Was living on this shore.

They were a savage breed of cat

You'd never wanna meet

And what really

Made them savage was

The food they had to eat.

For breakfast

They would dine on mud,

For lunch

A rock or two.

And dinnertime was quite a

Treat when serving guppy stew.

[ Slurps ]

Each night they eat

Alleged food

Then celebrate and dance

But one was just

Not satisfied to dine

On rocks and ants,

A handsome hungry cat

Was he, and truly a gourmet

Who knew the food he wanted

And he'd dream of it all day.

For far across the waters

Was an island lush

And green and every day

He looked again to drool

At what he'd seen.

For growing on this isle

Were the famed lasagna trees,

A site to bring a feline

Who is starving to his knees.

But sadly the lasagna trees

Were miles out of reach

And guarded by a band

Of wild puppies on the beach.

The other cats attempted

To drive sense into his head.

To make it to the island

Was impossible they said

But every night

Lasagna trees were present

In his dream

And finally he knew

He had to figure out a scheme.

So come the dawn he built

A sturdy boat within his cave

To take him to the land

Of all the pasta he could crave.

His girlfriend said,

You cannot make this trip.

I will not let you.

If by some chance you get across

The puppy dogs will get you.

He said, I'm sick of eating

Only mud and rocks and guppies,

No lake will keep me

From my dream

And neither will some puppies.

And so with just his bark canoe,

Some courage and a smile,

He launched into the water

And set out for the isle.

No lake would stop our hero

From the food that he did seek,

No obstacle could stop him,

Well, perhaps a little leak.

The ship had started sinking

When he gave a little shout.

[ Yells ]

He quickly drilled another

Hole to let the water out.

[ Gasps ]

- But that did not

Dissuade him,

Not one moment at a loss,

He built a catapult designed

To hurl him right across.

A slight miscalculation

In his blueprints

Was to blame, he figured out

The whole thing but

Neglected first to aim.

Give up, the other cats

All cried and though

Their voice was heard

He didn't heed their warning.

He would fly there like a bird.

At first the wings

Just wouldn't work

And then it seemed they might,

The trouble was he hadn't tied

The wings on very tight.

It was, I guess, a brave thing

And a most courageous try

But cats, he had forgotten

Were never meant to fly.

For days he thought

And thought and thought

And thought and thought and

Thought.

He'd look out at the island

And he'd feel most distraught

For there was

The lasagna blooming

In the sun to bake

And blocking him

The puppies and, oh, yeah,

The lovely lake.

He would not be defeated,

Let a lake stand in the way,

He vowed that he would feast

On fresh lasagna plants today.

He wouldn't jump or sail or

Attempt to even try,

He'd swim to reach

That island or

He'd perish in the try.

He swam with all his might

To reach the island

In the distance,

The other cats could only watch

And marvel at persistence,

He swam as hard as

He could swim

To reach the other side.

He might not reach the lasagna

But at least he'd know he tried.

He swam for seven hours till

He'd swum his final stroke.

[ Gasp ]

- Waves washed him

Onto the shore

Which is where he awoke,

Excitedly he realized it

Had been worth the chance.

He'd made it to the island

Where there grow

Lasagna plants.

You've never in your life

Seen such a happy, happy beast,

No puppy dog

Would keep this kitty

From his pasta feast.

[ Pants ]

- He swam across the lake

But what he didn't realize

Was prehistoric puppy dogs

Were five whole times his size.

[ Slurp ]

[ Barks ]

- Pursued by giant puppies,

There was one course

He could take,

Though all his strength

Had brought him here,

He dove into the lake.

[ Whimpers ]

- He never more was seen again,

He vanished in his swim

And so to mark his memory

They named this lake for him.

They called it lake stupid.

The end.

- Roy, you shouldn't

Eat that corn so close

To the stove when it's on.

- Oh, stow it, pig-o.

What do you know?

[ Popping ]

- I know it's popcorn.

- You're always under cover,

There's no one you can trust,

When you're the world's

Best secret spy,

Danger is a must.

Around every corner,

Something threatening

May await,

But your feeling

Says danger lies ahead,

But is it trouble or

Something you ate?

You always have to work alone

When you're a fearless spy,

There's just you,

Your trench coat

And your 357

Magnum cream pie.

- Hey, orson, where are you?

Hey, orson?

- Wanna hunt worms with us,

Pork-o?

- Worms, uh, gee,

I don't think so.

I'm reading a great spy novel

And lanolin made me

A pie for lunch.

- But we need you.

You're the only one

With enough tonnage

To scare them up where

We can catch them.

- Sorry.

- What does he see in that spy

Novel stuff anyway?

- Booker, it's not

What he sees it's who he sees.

To orson, books are

The worm hunt

Of the imagination.

- Heavy, sheldon, very heavy.

- Meanwhile at

Agency headquarters.

- I say w, are you here, man?

- Shh!

Be careful double-o orson,

I had the place swept

For bugs an hour ago

But you never know.

- Good idea.

You don't want

Listening devices around.

- Who cares about

Listening devices?

I don't want bugs around.

Yicko-paticko.

Pour yourself a soda pop

And sit down, me lad.

I suppose you're wondering

Why I called you here?

- Not really i--oops!

- Be careful agent 00 orson.

- Calm down w, I have

A license to spill.

- Oh, that's right.

Well, as you know last week

Our top secret,

Highly experimental

Thermonuclear exploding

Grelbin device was stolen,

Agent double-o bo

Was assigned to find it.

Now he's disappeared.

- Hmm.

- His last communication was

From the casino de barnyard.

This is the work

Of your lifelong enemy

Pin feather. A bug!

Hurry!

Double-o orson!

The enemy is everywhere!

Try to bug my office, will you?

Take that!

You foul interloper!

- This way, mr. Orson, sir.

Mr. Pinfeather has been

Expecting you.

- This could be a trap.

We meet again.

- So we do monsieur.

Oh, garcon.

- Chocolate milk,

Shaken not stirred.

- Allow me to introduce

My lovely dining companion

The countess lanolin.

- I see you have a license

To thrill.

I thought I had you

The last time, pinfeather.

- You almost did but I managed

To escape by convincing

The police that I was only

A circus performer

Wearing a chicken suit.

I have a license to shill.

- Now you've stolen the top

Secret, highly experimental,

Thermonuclear exploding

Grelbin device.

- I suppose you have proof

That I stole the top secret,

Highly experimental,

Thermonuclear exploding

Grelbin device?

- I might.

- In that case, I will have

To get rid of you.

- Hey!

[ Laughs ]

- It pays to be well-dressed.

- Let go of me!

I loath you!

I hate you.

I'm finding your repulsive.

- Don't try to sweet talk me.

- Ha!

Now to find pinfeather.

- Attention double-o orson,

This is w.

Pinfeather has fled

To his secret hideout.

- I read you w, over and out.

[ Footsteps ]

- Follow me, double-o orson.

- Why should I trust you?

- Because double-o bo is

My brother and I think I know

Where he's being held!

- Well, take me to him.

- He's being held prisoner

Down here somewhere.

The top secret, highly

Experimental, thermonuclear,

Exploding grelbin device

Is in here, too.

- The top secret, highly

Experimental, thermonuclear,

Exploding grelbin device

Is here?

[ Banging ]

- Oh, no!

That's my brother, I know it!

[ Banging continues ]

- Double-o bo,

Are you in there?

[ Teeth chatters ]

- Hey, I didn't know

That pin feather

Had a license to chill, man!

Hurry double-o orson,

He's triggered the top secret,

Highly experimental

Whatchamacallit!

It's hidden down here somewhere

And it's set to go off,

Like, any minute, man!

- Where could

He have hidden it?

- Where's the rest

Of the worms, roy?

What a dirty trick!

I know we caught more worms

Than this!

We demand a recount!

- Huh?

- I divided them evenly.

Yours probably

Just crawled away

When we weren't looking.

- I've got it!

The top secret, highly

Experimental, thermonuclear,

Exploding grelbin device

Is in the milk can!

You won't get away

With this one, pinfeather.

- Pinfeather?

- Everybody hit the dirt.

- There's the rest

Of our worms.

- Roy hid them in the milk can.

[ Worms laugh ]

- You won't get away from me!

- You'll pay for

Your evil deeds, pinfeather!

- Hey, I just swiped

A couple of worms.

Orson, don't look at me

Like that!

I'm sorry I stole the worms.

- You'll pay for trying

To conquer the world,

You master villain!

- Orson's caught up

In a book again.

- Truth is stranger

Than fiction.

- And orson is

Stranger than anyone!

[ Snoring ]

[ Yawns ]

[ Door slams ]

[ Pants ]

- Ahem! Excuse me!

Cat craving breakfast.

Yoo-hoo, flapjack shortage.

Serious lack of pancakes here.

Attention, mission control.

This place appears to be

Self-service this morning.

See if I leave him a tip.

[ Yells ]

- It's empty!

And I didn't empty it!

Call the police, get them

To issue a 708,

Unlawful defrosting.

Help!

- Garfield,

Stop kidding around.

It's time for

My favourite t.v. Show.

- He's not giving this

Situation the seriousness

It deserves.

- And now it's time

For the pharaoh

Of fitness, rick deltoid.

- All right, okay, men

And women, here we go.

Time to tone up your torsos.

- One, two, one, two,

One, two, one, two.

Garfield, how about exercising

Along with me?

- Not for all the lasagna

In italy.

- For a real workout,

Come down to my gym

Rick deltoid's world of sweat.

You might be slightly flabby

When you walk in

But I guarantee

You'll crawl out

In magnificent shape.

- I cleaned out

The refrigerator because of

His health food advice.

- That's a felony

In some states, you know.

[ Groans ]

- I think we should go

To his gym.

- We? As in more than just you?

As in jon and garfield?

That we?

- Come on!

You gotta get in shape!

- I am in shape,

Round is a shape.

I'm not going and that's that.

- Okay, men--i mean,

Man and a cat.

Say that is a cat, isn't it?

Looks more like a mattress

With whiskers.

[ Snickers ]

- I hate a guy whose i.q.

Is smaller than his waist.

- Okay. First lets give you

A protein smoothie.

We add wheat germ, yogurt,

Asparagus, raisins,

Cod liver oil,

Organically grown mud,

Green stuff

And refried soybeans.

Mix gingerly.

[ Whirs ]

- Here, just drink it down.

[ Gulps ]

- No way!

- Come on.

- Not a chance.

- Let's go.

[ Gulps ]

- One moment, please.

Yuck! Ick! Ah!

Gah!

Not bad, could use

A little lemon.

- Now, time for my special

Intensive care routine,

You need anything?

- A stunt man.

- Let's workout.

Before we get through

We'll have you pulling


- Not with my teeth, you won't.

[ Boat motor ]

- All right, let's see how

You're making out in here.

- Well, the franks are almost

Done but the steam

Is just ruining my hair.

[ Pants ]

- Whoa!

- I'd like all 32 flavours on

A sugar cone piled up

In alphabetical order, please.

[ Crunches ]

- Ah, nuts?

- Okay, I have to go do

My afternoon t.v. Show.

Go home and watch it.

- Yes, sir, mr. Deltoid.

I wanna get in shape

Just like you.

I'll do what you say

And eat what you tell me.

- Oh, no, I'll never get

A decent meal as long

As jon listens

To bonehead the barbarian here.

- Bye, mr. Deltoid,

Let's jog home then

I'll whip up

A health food feast.

- This calls

For drastic action.

- There's mr. Deltoid's

Car, garfield.

Garfield?

Garfield! Where are you?

- Go home and watch his show.

This is one you won't wanna

Miss.

- Afternoon, mr. Deltoid.

- All right, listen,

Do you have the cue cards

Ready for my broadcast?

- The ink's drying on them.

They're out in the alley

In back.

- These are the cards

He reads during the show

And there are cue cards

Left over from other shows.

This one's from a cooking show.

This one's

From binky's birthday bash.

Okay, the game is cue card

Rummy, I deal.

- Look, we go on

The air in 30 seconds.

I need those cue cards.

- Right away, mr. Deltoid.

- Wait a minute, where are

Mr. Deltoid's cue cards?

Whew! Here they are.

- Well, this should

Be interesting.

- And now it's time for

The sultan of sit-ups,

Rick deltoid.

- Okay, thank you very much.

I'm going to teach you

A great exercise.

I want everyone to

Uh, honk like a goose

And wave their wings

In the sun.

Here we go.

[ Honks ]

- That's a card left over

From a wildlife documentary.

- Okay, the important thing

Is to dress well

In a basic black outfit

With matching pearl ensemble.

Now, do the binky dance.

Hop on one foot

And rub your tummy.

Hey, kids, yahoo!

Now, let's eat pizza!

Lots!

Boy, it's been so long

Since I had a good pizza

And french fries.

- Deltoid, this is the worst

Exercise show I've ever seen!

You're fired!

- Gee, that was, kind of,

Unfair of them canceling him

Like that.

I mean, they don't believe folks

At home actually did

All that stuff

He read off the card.

People aren't so dumb

They do whatever t.v.

Tells them to.

[ Honking ]

- Most folks aren't.

Are you?

[ Honking continues ]

[ Music ]