02x11 - Maine Course/U.S. Acres: No Laughing Matter/Attack of the Mutant Guppies

[bunniefuu]

- That

- That was

- That was terrific,

Hey, wait a minute.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield and friends.

- 媻 friends are there... 媻

- ™ª to help you get started ♪

™ª to give you a push ♪

™ª on your way ♪

- 媻 friends are there... 媻

- ™ª to turn you around ♪

™ª get your feet on the ground ♪

™ª for a brand new day ♪

- ™ª they'll pick you up ♪

™ª when you're down ♪

- 媻 help you swallow
your pride ♪

™ª when something inside ♪

™ª says to break on through ♪

™ª to the other side ♪

- ™ª friends are someone ♪

™ª you can open up to ♪

- ™ª when you feel like ♪

™ª you're ready to flip ♪

- ™ª when you've got the world ♪

™ª on your shoulder ♪

™ª friends are there ♪

™ª to give you a tip ♪

- ™ª friends are there ♪

™ª when you need them ♪

™ª they're even there ♪

™ª when you don't ♪

- ™ª for a walk in the park ♪

™ª or a shot in the dark ♪

™ª friends are there ♪

- ™ª I don't care ♪

- ™ª but friends will care ♪

™ª for you ♪

- Sell your remote control.

I'm the best thing on.

[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Ding dong ]

[ Ding dong ]

- Arbuckle, door.

So hard to find good help.

- Hello.

- Is this the jon arbuckle

Residence?

[ Growls ]

- Must be jon's new

Dating service.

- I'm elaine from lobster on

Wings, and this is my

Destination. I have for you

A fresh made lobster

From clear across the nation.

It's a gift from your aunt

Tillie and uncle mitchell, too.

A great big juicy lobster

Sent especially for you.

Enjoy.

For this I went to college?

- Nice meeting you.

- Lobster? That sounds

Highly edible.

[ Barks ]

- Odie, quit drooling all over

My "thrill of cooking" book.

Hmm, let's see.

Lobster thermidor,

Lobster cremasalle,

Broiled lobster, baked lobster.

- Stay outta my daydream!

- To prepare lobster, plunge

Into boiling water

For 8 to 10 minutes.

Ooh, standby

For the gastronomical treat

Of your lives, boys.

Ow! He bit me!

It's alive.

[ Growls and barks ]

- My heroes.

When they say fresh,

They mean fresh.

En guard!

You're lucky aunt tillie didn't

Send you a fresh shark.

- Just a momentary delay here

While I get the water boiling.

Now I gotcha! Ack!

Garfield! Odie! Help!

- Come on, odie. Fetch!

- Uh-uh.

- He's not a stupid

As he looks.

But then again, who could be?

This calls for

The scientific approach.

- Argh! Any last words before

You walk the plank, matey?

Pirate talk.

What a way to go.

I'm not gonna do

Your dirty work for you, fella.

- All right. I'll have to do

It myself.

Okay. Here goes.

I can't do it.

I've lost my appetite anyway.

- And me a card-carrying

Carnivore.

- I'm going to send it back.

Then someone else will eat him.

I'm calling the city aquarium.

We'll find it a good home.

- This isn't the beach.

Get out of my sandbox!

This could turn into

A desperate situation.

Showoff.

- City aquarium?

Yes, I was wondering

If you'd like a large lobster

For your exhibit.

- I'm sorry, sir, but we've

Got all the lobsters we need

Right now thanks to some stupid

Company called lobster on wings.

- Uh, okay. Thanks.

Do lobsters make good pets?

- I've become attached to him.

- The encyclopedia said that

A lobster likes the cold waters

Of the atlantic ocean and that

Its favorite food is dead fish.

Tuna-flavored cat food?

- Yeah, that's as dead

As a fish gets.

- Here, boy.

Come on, boy. [ Whistles ]

Come on. Nice lobster.

He should have a name.

How about therm,

After my favorite dish,

Lobster thermidor.

- We in the animal kingdom

Know that naming one's food

Tends to spoil one's appetite.

- ™ª well, we're ♪

™ª a little selfish ♪

™ª when it come to shellfish ♪

™ª it's so nice to have ♪

™ª a lobster round the house ♪

- ™ª we share a fascination ♪

™ª for our cuddly crustacean ♪

™ª it's so nice to have ♪

™ª a lobster round the house ♪

- ™ª you're such fun, thermy ♪

™ª the grooviest of pets ♪

™ª if we wanna dance flamenco ♪

™ª you've got the castanets ♪

™ª and people smile as across ♪

™ª their lawns we pass ♪

™ª 'cause with each step your ♪

™ª pinchers cut their grass ♪

- ™ª you have the wisdom ♪

™ª of the deep ♪

- ™ª and you even let me sleep ♪

- ™ª 'cause you're as quiet ♪

™ª as spider or a mouse ♪

- ™ª it's so nice ♪

- ™ª totally nice ♪

- ™ª yes, it's nice to have ♪

™ª a lobster round the house ♪

- Yes, sir.

- Roll the ball back, therm.

- [ Whimpers ]

- I know, odie. Therm's not

Feeling very well.

- He hasn't eaten anything

Since he got here.

- We can't let him die.

He's family.

- Come on, boys.

We're gonna take therm home.

- Oh, yes, sir. We have

A commuter flight to maine

Leaving within the hour.

That's one adult

And two children.

Carry-on luggage only, okay?

- Good grief.

- You're home, therm.

You're free.

- I hope it's not too late.

- I hope he's happy now.

- Oh, who needs a lazy,

Self-centered, ungrateful pet

Like that anyway?

- [ Barks ]

- I'm gonna miss him, too.

- I think we should have

Dinner at a salad bar tonight

In honor of therm.

- Good idea, but let's not

Get too friendly with the pasta

Salad, okay?

- ™ª friends are there ♪

[ Humming ]

- Orson!

Mayday! Hide me!

Save me from a fate

Approximately equal to death.

Oh, help!

- Wade, stop it.

You're always panicking.

Now tell me just

What is so scary.

- Hey, orson,

I just got a new joke book.

- You're right, wade.

That is dangerous.

- Hey, orson, what's the big--

- Why the panic?

- It's a red alert!

- Roy has a new joke book?

- So the three sailors

Say to the blue rhinoceros--

- [ Screaming ]

- I told you, we should--

We should have had

Disaster drills for this.

- Hmm. Some people don't

Appreciate fine humor.

[ Laughs ]

- Oh, that's--

That's a good one.

Oh, funny!

- Looks like it's all clear.

- Whew! That was a close one.

Coming, wade?

- I'm going to wait

To make sure it's safe.

Like until thursday.

[ Humming ]

Gee, it's safe up here

On this hill.

Nothing can harm me.

Unless, of course,

I fall down the hill and--

There's nothing there,

You foolish duck, you.

I'm all alone. I'm--

[ Wheezing ]

Help again!

Repeat, a previous cry for help,

Only more so!

Help!

Emergency, orson!

Major emergency!

The majorest of major emergency!

- Wade, you've got to stop

Panicking over every little

Thing.

- This is a little thing?

[ Teeth chatter ]

- Hello, there.

Me earth pig.

Friendly. My name orson.

- We are from

The planet clarion.

We are here for your humor.

- Our humor?

- Humor is a devastating

Weapon in our quadrant

Of space.

With your humor,

We can rule our planet.

Commence the humor suction.

- But you can't take

Our humor.

We need our humor.

- It is a powerful weapon to us

And of no practical use to you.

- I sense a song cue coming up.

- ™ª what would the world be ♪

媻 without humor? 媻

™ª boring, boring ♪

™ª yeah, without a laugh ♪

媻 what would we be doing? 媻

™ª snoring, snoring ♪

™ª if you're feeling blue ♪

™ª laughter is the best thing ♪

™ª to make you feel good ♪

™ª and to let your heart sing ♪

™ª the world needs ♪

™ª all the music ♪

™ª that laughter can bring ♪

™ª ha ha ha ha ♪

™ª how can you think ♪

媻 jokes aren't funny? 媻

™ª you're so strange-o ♪

™ª laughter can make ♪

™ª a cloudy day sunny ♪

™ª presto change-o ♪

™ª there can be humor ♪

™ª in all that we see ♪

™ª imagine not laughing ♪

媻 now, how could that be? 媻

- ™ª just look at this guy ♪

™ª he's fatter than me ♪

Ha ha ha! Fatter than me.

Ha.

- But we have to have humor.

What will the world be like

Without laughter?

- A lot like cable tv.

- We have to stop them, orson.

- Yeah, do something.

- That's it. They said humor

Is a weapon where they

Come from.

We just have to make them

Laugh.

- Show them my paycheck.

- No, roy, your joke books.

Quick! Read them jokes.

If we can make them laugh,

They'll disintegrate.

- A bum comes up and said

I haven't had a bite in a week,

So I bit him. Ha!

- What do you get when you

Cross a crocodile

And an abalone?

You get a croc-a-bologna.

- A man goes to a doctor.

He says, doc, it hurts

When I do this. The doctor says

Don't do that.

- One kangaroo says to

Another I hope it doesn't rain.

I hate when the kids play

Inside.

- I wouldn't say he's fat, but

When he sits around the house,

He really sits around the house.

- When I had my operation, the

Doctor left the sponge in me.

It doesn't hurt but, boy,

Do I get thirsty.

- How do you avoid falling

Hair? Get out of the way.

- Why does santa claus have

Three gardens?

So he can h*-h*-h*.

- Why do elephants have

Wrinkles? Well, have you ever

Tried to iron one?

- My doctor has a great plan.

If you can't afford

The operation, he touches up

Your x-rays.

[ All panting ]

- It didn't work.

- They didn't crack a guffaw.

- Well, I guess that's it

For the world. Too bad.

I always liked this place.

[ All laugh ]

- They're gone!

- They took the humor suction

Machine and went home.

- We did it, guys.

We saved humor.

Now there will be laughter

In the world again.

- Listen to this one. What did

One casket say to the other

Casket? Is that you, coffin?

[ Laughs ]

- Uh, maybe we were too late.

- And now it's time for

Screaming with binky.

Of all the jobs in the world,

None demands as much patience

And as steady a hand

As diamond cutting.

For three years now,

Charles k. Underberger

Has studied every facet

Of the fabulous fabled klopman

Diamond.

If he succeeds, he will split

This priceless gem

Into two priceless gems,

Each worth millions.

If he fails, he'll shatter

The diamond into worthless dust.

Time for absolute quiet.

- Hey, diamond cutter!

Whatcha doing?

Gee, looks like you blew it!

Ah...ah...ah...ah-choo!

Gee, looks like I blew it.

- We'll be right back

Without binky.

[ Alarm ]

- Hmm, a security violation.

A dangerous criminal type,

Too cute for his own good.

Touch anything in this icebox

And I'll fax you to abu dhabi.

- It's not for me, garfield.

It's for my guppy.

How much could a guppy eat?

- I don't know. He looks kinda

Hungry to me. Don't you know

How dangerous guppies can be,

Nermal?

- Guppies dangerous?

Ha! That's funny, garfield.

- Haven't you heard about

The giant mutant guppy creatures

That lurk in the sewers?

- Garfield.

- It's true.

It started years ago.

Children would get guppies

They didn't want as presents.

- Golly, I wanted a t-bill

Or the klopman diamond.

- So they'd get rid of them.

Down they'd go into the sewer.

Down with all the chemicals and

Household cleaners folks

Pour out.

The chemicals had a strange

Effect on all these guppies,

And before you knew it--

[ Growling ]

- Our sewers were all full

Of giant, radioactive

Mutant guppies.

- That's not true, garfield.

You're making that up.

I don't--i don't believe it.

There's no such thing

As giant mutant guppies.

- If you want to keep someone

Out of your food, give them

Something to occupy their mind.

Nermal's dumb enough

To actually believe that silly

Legend about the guppies.

[ Snoring ]

- There's no such thing

As giant mutant guppies.

Don't you grow any.

What if there are

Giant mutant guppies

In the sewers, living under

The streets?

Garfield!

- Yikes!

Don't do that.

- Garfield, I can't sleep.

I keep seeing giant radioactive

Mutant guppies coming out of

The sewer to get me.

- Nermal, I was fibbing.

- Fibbing?

- All right, lying.

There are no giant

Mutant guppies.

Go to sleep.

- I can't sleep, garfield.

I want you to take me out

And show me that there are no

Giant mutant guppies

In the sewer.

- Not for all the manicotti

In italy. Go to sleep.

- Garfield, I'm not going to

Let you sleep until you show me.

[ Plays trombone ]

[ Plays accordion ]

- Okay, garfield.

You asked for it.

Binky's greatest hits.

A six-album set.

- Oh, no! Not that!

You win.

Let's go check the sewer.

Come on, I'll prove to you there

Are no giant mutant guppies.

- Garfield! Where did you go?

- Ahem.

- Oh, there you are.

- Come on, I'll show you there

Are no giant mutant guppies

And then I can go to bed.

- I guess it was kinda silly,

Garfield.

I can see

There are no giant mutant--

[ Growling ]

- I must be hungry.

[ Growling ]

- That wasn't your tummy,

Garfield!

Giant mutant guppies!

- Here! Eat something cute!

- There. They're sealed in.

[ Growling ]

- Garfield, is this

A dream sequence?

Please, tell me

It's a dream sequence.

- Just a second.

My bed. It's empty.

No, I'm afraid

This is not a dream sequence.

- Garfield,

What are we gonna do?

- There's only one solution.

It's not pretty,

But it's gotta be done.

Wait here.

- This will eliminate them.

I've been saving it

For an emergency like this.

- Is that the super secret

Formula to combat radioactive

Mutation?

- No.

It's tartar sauce.

[ Whimpering ]

- Nermal, find me

About 600 pieces of lemon.

Aw, and I was in the mood

For seafood.

They're being swept

To the river.

- Where do you think

They'll end up, garfield?

- By morning they'll be miles

From here. Trust me.

You'll never see them again.

Which is just as well, 'cause

Where would I ever find enough

French fries to go with them?

- Oh, orson,

Could I make a wish?

- This isn't a wishing well,

Wade.

- Oh, please, orson,

Just one teensy-weensy wish.

- Wade, this is an ordinary

Well. It's connected to the

River and it brings water to us.

- Please, orson.

- All right. Go ahead.

- I wish...i wish that nothing

Else would ever scare me.

[ Growling ]

- Giant radioactive
mutant guppies!

- Uh, come on, guys. Let's go

See if we can get a guest shot

On the muppet babies.

What do you say?