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02x21 - Invasion of the Big Robots/U.S. Acres: Shelf Esteem/Housebreak Hotel

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Garfield and Friends". Aired: September 17, 1988 – December 10, 1994.*
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Show features animated story lines adapted from the comic strip Garfield and Davis's other comic strip U.S. Acres.

02x21 - Invasion of the Big Robots/U.S. Acres: Shelf Esteem/Housebreak Hotel

Post by bunniefuu »

- Ahem, I

- Ahem, I hereby

- Ahem, I hereby declare

This chair the sole property

Of garfield the cat.

- Move it, garfield.
That's my chair.

- My chair.

- My chair.

- My chair!

- My chair! My chair! My chair!

My chair.

- My cushion.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield and friends.

[ Music ]

- ™ª friends are there ♪

- ™ª to help you get started, ♪

媻 to give you a
push on your way ♪

- ™ª friends are there ♪

- ™ª to turn you around, ♪

™ª get your feet on the ground ♪

™ª for a brand new day ♪

- ™ª they'll pick you up ♪

™ª when you're down ♪

- 媻 help you swallow
your pride ♪

™ª when something inside says ♪

™ª to break on through ♪

媻 to the other side. 媻

- ™ª friends are someone ♪

™ª you can open up to ♪

- ™ª when you feel like ♪

™ª you're ready to flip ♪

- ™ª when you've got the world ♪

™ª on your shoulders ♪

- ™ª friends are there ♪

™ª to give you a tip ♪

- ™ª friends are there ♪

™ª when you need them, ♪

™ª they're even there ♪

™ª when you don't ♪

- ™ª for a walk in the park ♪

™ª or a shot in the dark, ♪

™ª friends are there ♪

- ™ª I don't care ♪

- 媻 but friends
will care for you ♪

- This offer void

Where prohibited.

Some restrictions may apply.

Batteries not included.

- Ah! Whoo! What a nightmare!

I dreamed I had 300

Cheeseburgers and no ketchup.

What could be worse?

Oh, right.

And no ketchup.

I hope jon has breakfast ready.

Gee, the place looks different.

He's been rearranging
furniture again.

[ Alarm ]

- The fazer alert is code alpha!

- Jon's stressing even worse

Than usual.

- Attention, zorborg!

This is star wolf at database!

Do you read me?

Come in, zorborg!

- Read you, star wolf.

The motorobs are

Attacking zantu.

Deploy all forces

For maximum as*ault!

- What's going on here?

That's not jon.

Could it be...

- Star wolf

To rainbow squadron!

Star wolf to rainbow squadron!

Motorob attack! Code two!

- Yes,

I'm in the wrong cartoon!

- What in the heck is this?

It's small, orange

And has enormous eyes!

- Excuse me. I seem to have

Made a wrong turn

And wound up on some other show.

My name's garfield.

- It must be a mutant gnome

From the galaxy of ra

Come to spy on us!

- No. Actually, I'm a cat.

- So, you want the energy jewel

Of wizzig, do you?

- No, but if you have

Like a bacon, lettuce and tomato

On rye toast...

- I'll immobilize him

With a polar lazer orbitron!

- Hey! Jeez, if you don't have

A blt, just say so.

- The mutant gnome flees!

After him! He'll not escape!

- Help! Someone!

I'm in the wrong cartoon!

Odie! Odie, where are you?

[ Dog growling ]

- Hey, you're not odie.

You're extremely not odie.

This is a misunderstanding.

See, I'm not supposed to be

In this cartoon!

- The mutant gnome

Is attempting to steal

The power pod!

- Hey, a candy machine.

Maybe I can get some sugar-free

Lasagna-flavored
super bubblegum.

- The mutant has decoded

The retro firing pattern!

He's stealing the power pod

For the motorobs!

- It's like jon on the freeway!

Only slower!

- Star wolf to zorborg!

A spy for the motorobs

Has made off with the power pod!

- That is dire news, star wolf.

The motorobs are attacking us

Already.

If the power pod links up

With their leader,

They will be unstoppable.

- One of these buttons

Must stop, or tune in cable tv

At least.

- The power pod is linking up

To complete the might

Of the motorobs.

We are doomed.

- Oh, at least he's got

A good head on his shoulders.

- Stop!

Aha!

Garfield says stand on one leg.

Garfield says cluck

Like a chicken.

[ Clucking ]

[ Dialing ]

Keep those phones ringing,

Folks!

Hey, they weren't bad!

I get it!

This is one of those

Giant robots that turns into

Other things.

Let's see what this does.

Help! Help!

Somebody get me out

Of this cartoon!

I don't belong here!

Oh, no!

Help!

- The master motorob

Is about to explode!

Get me back to my own cartoon

With jon and odie and nermal!

Even nermal.

The giant robots are gone

And the monsters.

I'm not in that awful

Cartoon anymore.

I'm...

Oh, no.

I'm in the wrong cartoon again.

Who are you?

- We're the cute creatures

Of the forest and we're going

To teach you how to be nice

To everyone and never,

Ever be mean.

- Giant robots!

I want the giant robots back!

- Hey, he's not so cute.

How's he get his own show?

- This is the story of little

Bo peep who lost her sheep.

Hey, wait a minute.

It would be more fun

If we dressed up
and acted it out.

- Great idea, orson!

- There. We'll be the sheep

And now all we need

Is a little bo peep.

- I don't like the sound

Of this.

- Come here, sheep.

Bo peep wants to brain you!

- Like she's not

A very nice lady, man.

Guess you can't believe

Everything you read.

- Oh, panic!

Oh, jeopardy!

Oh, double jeopardy!

Oh, final jeopardy!

- Okay, wade,

What is it this time?

- This has been a test of the

Emergency duckcasting system.

[ Chuckle ]

- I am trying to put my books

Back on the shelf.

I can never find one

When I need it.

- Hey, orson's putting

All his books away.

- Huh, that'll take a while.

- No way, no chance, no how.

You know orson.

He can't put a book away

Without reading it first.

He'll never get them put away.

- If orson says

He's putting them away,
he's putting them away.

- Like I said, no chance.

I'll bet you a month's chores

He can't do it.

- Ha ha! You're on!

Hear that, wade?

Roy's gonna do all our chores

For a month.

[ Laugh ]

- How sporting of the rooster.

- I just have to make sure

Orson doesn't get his books

Put away.

[ Chuckle ]

- The adventures

Of the scarlet pimpernel.

I love this book.

I can't put it away yet.

"Indeed you jest,

Said the beautiful countess

Fanning herself."

- The people will never allow

You to confiscate their land.

- The duke de doodle-do

Never jests, countess.

As for those peasants...

[ Speaking french ]

- You know what I mean?

- He said that you're a pig

Of a dog, of a snake,

Duke de doodle-do.

- Let them eat the cake!

- Not while the scarlet

Pimpernel lives!

Duke de doodle-do,

I have come to put a stop

To your evil deeds!

- Le scarlet pimpernel!

- Huzzah!

- The scarlet pimpernel,

I have been wanting to meet you.

Take that!

What is a pimpernel anyway?

- Do you challenge me

To a duel, duke?

The scarlet pimpernel

Is the flower of freedom.

The red rose which stands

For justice and the rights

Of the people, villain!

This is a token of my regard,

Countess.

En garde!

- Time to get this over with.

- Adieu, duke de doodle-do!

- Farewell, countess!

As for you, duke de doodle-do,

Repent of your tyranny

Or we will meet again!

[ Laugh ]

- I knew it!

Orson can't pick up a book

Without reading it.

That's why he never

Gets them put away.

But to make sure

That I win my bet,

I'll just slip a few

Of my library books

Into the stack.

- Oh, I'll have to finish

This later. Back to work.

Daily life in the stone age.

- Oh, he put some new books

On orson's pile.

- That rooster's a foul fowl!

He's stacking the odds

In his favor in order

To win the bet!

- Why don't I remember

This book?

Most of the average stone age

Person's day was spent

Searching for food.

Competition for survival

Was keen, so people

Banded together in tribes

To help each other.

- Anybody find food yet?

- Oh, nothing. Why can't we

Go to the supermarket?

- They haven't been

Invented yet.

- Oh, yeah. I forgot.

- Oh, I found some rocks!

- Oh, boy! Hungry! Cook dinner!

- Good idea! Me like barbecue.

Boy, this hard!

Someone got match?

- They haven't been

Invented yet.

- Oh, yeah.

- Uh, what if the fire

Attracts a fearsome prehistoric

Type monster, huh?

- Oh, what are chances

Of that happening?

- Oh, pretty good, I'd say.

[ Roaring ]

- Help! Help!

Wait a minute.

Dinosaurs didn't exist

At the same time as cave people.

- They didn't? Are you sure?

- It's right here in this book.

- Oh, my, fancy that.

- This is an interesting book.

I wonder where I got it?

- No wonder orson never

Gets his books put away.

We forgot what an active

Imagination he has got.

- Roy knew it!

That's why he made the bet

With me!

- Looks like you'll be doing

His chores for a month.

- Not me!

Two can play at this game.

- Well, I'll put

Another book away.

- Ahem, aren't you going

To take a look at the book

Before you put it away?

- If I keep doing that,

I'll never get all these

Put away.

- Oh, go ahead.

One peek can't hurt.

- How to be a librarian.

- What?

- A good librarian

Puts every book in its place

Right away. Yeah!

- I don't understand.

- Looks like we win, roy.

Here's the list of my chores

For you to do.

You can start sweeping up.

- Here's my list.

Lots of raking.

- Raking to do, roy?

Well, reading a book

Can make the time go faster.

- Hmph, let's see.

"The galley sl*ves continued

To row the ship onward."

- Row faster, all of you!

- Yo h*, heave h*.

- Thanks, orson!

- Whee! I love snow!

Snow is cute!

- Yeah, as long as

The neighbor kids don't spot us.

- Hey, cat! Give us the kitten

And we'll let you live!

- Ha ha!

Not a chance, you turkeys!

It's all for one

And one for all!

- Cousin egbert?

This is your cousin jon.

Say, I have to go out of town

On business and I was wondering

If you'd take care of my cat.

Hello? Hello?

Well, that's my last relative

To call.

I guess I'll have to put

Garfield and odie

In a pet hotel.

Garfield won't object

To that too much.

- No! No! No! Absolutely not!

No way!

Not a chance!

No! Uh-uh!

Negative! No chance!

- Gee, he took it better

Than I thought he would.

Garfield, be reasonable.

- Why should I start now?

- I can't leave you and odie

Alone for two weeks

And I can't take you with me.

- Need a place for your pet

To stay? Then come down

To howie's housebreak hotel

Where we pamper your poodles

And primp your pussycats.

At housebreak hotel,

Your pet will get spoiled rotten

Whether it's lounging

By our pool,

Being fed in our sumptuous

Gourmet dining room

Or snacking between meals

On all the lasagna he can eat.

- Gee, garfield,

Does that sound like a place

You'd like to stay?

- Come on, let's go! Move it!

What are you waiting for?

- You came to the right place,

Mr. Arbuckle.

Garfield and odie

Will be very happy here.

- I'm sure they will,

But this place looks

Kind of expensive.

[ Laugh ]

- Relax, mr. Arbuckle.

Housebreak hotel is the best

And your pets deserve

The very best.

- I like that guy.

He talks sense.

[ Barks ]

- I guess I'll get started

With the important stuff.

- There you go.

I'll pick them up in two weeks.

- Front!

Show our new guests

To their private suites.

- I'll have breakfast in bed

And all the other meals.

- See you in two weeks, guys.

- No, I'll have brunch

By the pool.

But have the pool drained first

And filled with ginger ale.

Oh, wait, that's silly,

Filling the pool

With ginger ale.

Make it cherry cola.

I wonder if this room

Has a view.

Gee, I was hoping for

The presidential suite.

Let me out of here!

This isn't a room!

This is a dump!

It isn't even sanitized

For my protection!

- Quiet, cat,

Or we'll stick you

In a worse room!

- There's a worse room

Than this? How?

Is it on fire?

Mealtime! I hope they serve

Pasta or maybe prime rib

Or chow mein or all the above.

- What is that?

- Trust me,

You don't wanna know.

[ Gulp ]

- Be careful.

Some of that's getting

Into your mouth!

Oh, I'm not gonna take this.

I'm gonna protest.

What's the worst

They can do to me?

- Serve seconds.

- I would like to register

A complaint about the cuisine.

Now I have a few numbers here

Of pizza places

That deliver fast.

- Eat your dinner, cat!

- I refuse to eat this!

You know, it's the first time

I ever said that.

- Won't eat, huh?

Okay, guys.

- No, stop!

Cruel and unusual nourishment!

Yuck! That's awful, horrible!

Maybe with a little catsup.

No tv, no fluffy pillow,

No microwave, no tv.

I said tv.

I gotta make a break for it.

- Hey, what's all that noise?

[ Coughing ]

- Sounds of illness.

I'm not a well feline.

Medic!

- Come on, cat.

Snap out of it!

- Bon appetit!

- Yuck.

- And away we go.

- That stuff is terrible.

Hold it, you! Come back here!

- Step right this way.

Everybody out.

I gotta get outta here myself.

Yes, I'm going to rescue

Odie too.

- Hey, find that cat! Get him!

At least nothing else

Can go wrong here.

Hey, stop! Back in your cages!

[ Moaning ]

- Shh! I'm getting you

Out of here, odie.

This place is a prison.

They keep us in little cages

And what do you think

Of that food?

- Yum-yum.

- You'd think with a tongue

Like that,

He'd have a little taste.

[ Telephone ringing ]

- Housebreak hotel?

What? You're coming

To pick your cat up?

Well, please hold.

Housebreak hotel? Your cat?

Well, he got away.

What do you mean,

You're gonna sue me?

Housebreak hotel? Your cat.

There he is!

The cat who ruined my business!

I'll get you for this!

- Please, cat, leave me alone.

Go away. I'm ruined!

What'll it take to go away

And leave me alone, huh?

- Excuse me.

I went to pick my cat and dog up

At the pet hotel

And I was told they were here.

- Room 1708.

- Room service.

- Garfield,

You can't stay here.

Do you realize

What a room like this costs?

Bill to howie's

Housebreak hotel?

Hey, this is great!

- You sure you don't have to

Go out of town again?