02x26 - The Mail Animal/U.S. Acres: Peanut-Brained Rooster/Mummy Dearest

[bunniefuu]

- Hey,

- Hey, odie?

- Hey, odie? Guess

- Hey, odie? Guess who's

- Hey, odie? Guess who's going

- Hey, to the vet today? Going

- Poor, odie.

I had an uncle once

Who went to the vet.

While he was there,

They removed his brain

And replaced it

With the brain of a chicken.

- Huh?

- He spent the rest of his life

Breaking into grocery stores

So he could sit on the eggs.

- [ Whimpers ]

- Okay, garfield.

We're taking you to the vet.

- [ Gasp ] me?

[ Clucks ]

- [ Snickers ]

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield and friends.

- 媻 friends are there... 媻

- ™ª to help you get started ♪

™ª to give you a push ♪

™ª on your way ♪

- 媻 friends are there... 媻

- ™ª to turn you around ♪

™ª get your feet on the ground ♪

™ª for a brand new day ♪

- ™ª they'll pick you up ♪

™ª when you're down ♪

- 媻 help you swallow
your pride ♪

™ª when something inside's ♪

™ª set to break on through ♪

™ª to the other side ♪

- ™ª friends are someone ♪

™ª you can open up to ♪

- ™ª when you feel like ♪

™ª you're ready to flip ♪

- ™ª when you've got the world ♪

™ª on your shoulder ♪

- ™ª friends are there ♪

™ª to give you a tip ♪

- ™ª friends are there ♪

™ª when you need them ♪

™ª they're even there ♪

™ª when you don't ♪

- ™ª for a walk in the park ♪

™ª or a shot in the dark ♪

™ª friends are there ♪

- ™ª I don't care ♪

- ™ª but friends will care ♪

™ª for you ♪

- "Garfield and friends"

Is taped in front of

An animated studio audience.

- Whew.

Yeow!

- I wish this occupant guy

Would stop having all his mail

Sent here.

- He did it again. Again!

That cat, I can't take it

Anymore.

Mr. Letterman, sir.

- All right, herman.

You're a disgrace

To your uniform.

A real mailman doesn't allow

A cat to stay him

From his appointed rounds.

- But, sir, this is garfield.

- Your aunt elsie got new

Glasses, you have a dentist

Appointment.

- A mailman has to go through

Blizzards and lightning and

Hurricanes to deliver the mail.

- Yes, sir, I've done all that,

But this is garfield.

- I'm sorry, herman.

You're through. Drummer!

[ Drum roll ]

[ Sobbing ]

- You can't do this.

He's a great mailman.

- I'm sorry. There's no room

For someone who's afraid of

A cat in today's mail corps.

- You've really done it.

Because of you he got fired,

But I don't suppose that

Bothers you any.

- Oh, nice. A ham sandwich

With a side of guilt.

- Aren't you the least bit

Sorry for what you've done?

- Yes, I should have gotten

Pastrami.

- Boy, you'd think it was

My fault our mailman

Got himself fired.

- All my life all I ever

Wanted to be was a mailman,

Just to bring the mail and have

People say, "oh, mr. Mailman,

Boy, are we glad to see you!"

But now it's over.

My career, my dream.

- What a sad way

To end a cartoon.

- We have to help lanolin

Plant her new garden, wade.

If we don't--

- Wait a minute.

My cartoon isn't over yet.

Come back! You didn't think

I was really gonna

Let him stay fired, did you?

Okay, now, where were we?

Oh, yeah, I have to do something

To get the mailman his job back.

- Now, wait a minute.

What is the meaning of this?

Why are there two windows open,

Schmidlap?

- There were a lot of people

Waiting in line, mr. Letterman.

- Huh. That's the whole point,

Schmidlap.

This is the post office.

We're supposed to keep

Them waiting.

- I'm sorry.

- Now, get in the back

And smash some of those packages

Marked fragile.

- First class, express mail,

And metered mail goes in there

And third class in there.

Another first class and--

- I always figured that's how

Those slots worked.

- Attention, all postal

Workers.

You're attention, people.

I need a mail carrier

To take a regular reroute.

Good. Thank you.

Now, there's this cat

On the route named garfield.

All right, I'll show you all.

I'll deliver the mail

Myself there tomorrow.

- And I'm sure he'll have

No trouble whatsoever.

Right.

- [ Humming ]

- Let's see, that one?

Ah, too nice.

That one? Nope, that's a felony.

That one? Oh, I'll just

Give him the works.

A little traveling music,

If you please.

- All right, all right.

Enough. You win.

I've gotta find someone else

To take over this mail route.

Herman! Hi, herman.

Please, please, herman,

You've gotta take

Your old job back.

Oh, please. You're the only one

Who can handle that stupid cat!

- Well, sure.

- So that's my good deed

For the century.

I better go get ready

For herman's return tomorrow.

- Aah!

- Gee, I wonder if the mail's

Here yet?

Oh, pour moi?

- [ Sighs ]

It's nice to be back...

I think.

- Tag, bo. You're it!

- Oh, thanks, dude.

- You don't understand, bo.

Now you're supposed to run

And tag someone.

- Oh, I get it!

- Tag! You're it, man.

- Okay. You got the point

Of the game down.

Now let's work on timing.

- Oh, hi.

Just grabbing some lunch.

Oh, you brought yours?

Great, have a seat.

I hope you don't have

Any peanuts there.

We had quite an adventure

The other day about peanuts.

Wanna hear about it?

Well, we had just finished

Harvesting the peanut crop.

This is the last of them, wade.

- Any chance of a free sample?

- Your very own bag

Of peanuts, wade.

- Orson, you are a gentleman

And a pig.

- Thank you.

- Deliciouso!

- Quick, wade, the james boys

Are robbing the stagecoach!

- Aah! Robbing the--who?

- The james boys. I'll try to

Head them off at the pass.

You go get the posse.

Let me have the peanuts.

- Right. I'll get the posse,

You get the peanuts,

And I'll get the posse.

Help! Help! The james boys

Are robbing the stagecoach.

The james boys! Help!

Wait a minute.

I'm not wyatt earp.

- [ Laughs ]

What an oxymoron.

- Hold on, rooster!

You take me for the fool I am.

These are my personal peanuts.

- Please let me have

Just one peanut.

Please? Please? Please?

- No one can eat

Just one peanut.

- I can eat just one peanut.

- Here you go, roy.

Uno peanut-o.

- [ Gulp ]

- Gee, I didn't think

He could do it.

- Well, you know how it is

With peanuts.

You eat one and then you have

To have another and another.

Roy thought he could resist.

- My what a tasty peanut

That was.

What a delicious, crunchy,

Tasty peanut.

No, no, I am not going

To think about peanuts.

Ah, what a nice day.

It would be a nice day

To watch a ballgame today

With some hot dogs

And a bag of--no, no, no.

No, I'm not going to think

About the yummy, tasty, o, so

Delicious salted peanuts!

Whoo-hoo-hoo! Peanuts!

- It was probably about then

That some unwelcome visitors

To the farm got an idea.

- Peanuts!

- Terrific idea, brothers.

- Now, wade's a pretty

Generous duck.

- Thanks, wade.

- You were right, I was wrong.

Let me have another peanut.

Please? Pretty please? Please?

Please? Please?

[ Gasps ]

It's empty.

- I must have given booker

The last one. Sorry, roy.

- Well, I'll just get

Some more.

- Well, that's what roy

Thought.

- Unfortunately, somebody else

Had already beaten him

To the entire crop.

We didn't know at the time

Who had done it.

All we knew was there weren't

Any peanuts to be found

Anywhere.

- Orson, you have got

To let me have a peanut.

Just one peanut.

- We don't have any more, roy.

That was the entire harvest.

- I've got have a peanut.

Got to!

- Roy was just a shell

Of his former self.

In fact, if you held him up

To your ear,

You could hear the ocean.

- Yay! Surf's up, man.

- Roy even went to take a nap

Trying to get his mind

Off peanuts.

- Oh, peanuts.

Salted, salted delicious peanuts

- He was so desperate for one,

He had a fully choreographed,

Orchestrated dream sequence.

- ™ª those lovely, luscious ♪

™ª round, delicious ♪

™ª pretty peanuts ♪

™ª are driving me ♪

™ª out of my mind ♪

™ª the smell, the taste ♪

™ª it's a sin to waste ♪

™ª any peanut morsel ♪

™ª I might find ♪

™ª those blended, roasted ♪

™ª salted and exalted peanuts ♪

™ª are driving me ♪

™ª around the bend ♪

™ª it's easy to see ♪

™ª that these peanuts and me ♪

™ª need to get together again ♪

™ª oh, keep the other stuff ♪

™ª I just wanna eat peanuts ♪

™ª I can't get enough ♪

™ª it's a passion ♪

™ª I can't fight ♪

™ª I know it's not ♪

™ª a pretty sight ♪

™ª and I've got peanuts ♪

™ª on the brain ♪

™ª if I don't get one quick ♪

™ª or at least a salty lick ♪

™ª I'll go allegorically ♪

™ª even mandatorally ♪

™ª categorically insane ♪

Yahoo! Whoo!

- Hello, roy.

I'm the peanut butter monster.

- Oh, no! A monster!

A monster that sticks

To the roof of your mouth!

Aah!

- In the meantime, I was

Following a trail

Of peanut shells.

I followed it straight

To my brothers. I decided

To confront them, a move which

Will henceforth be known

As mistake number one.

You guys stole our peanuts!

- We stole your peanuts?

- Well, maybe stole

Is too harsh a word.

Guys, don't. Help!

- Hey, let's play nutcracker,

Brother.

- Wade heard my yells for help

And did what he does best.

- Help! Stop!

- I'm getting out of here.

Bo, orson's brothers are making

Peanut butter with him,

Chunky style.

They stole all the peanuts!

- They got him, huh?

Like, this will be a cinch, man.

[ Whispers ]

- Peanuts! Let me at him.

I gotta have peanuts!

- Guys, I don't like

Playing brother ball.

- It's a great game

And it goes great with peanuts!

- Peanuts!

- Hey, those are our peanuts!

- I gotta have 'em!

- Nothing was going to keep

Roy from peanuts, not even

Three overstuffed pig brothers.

- Let me outta here!

- You can have them nuts.

- He is what he eats!

- Roy, you saved me.

How can I thank you?

Oh, I know.

- Peanuts!

- Well, it took roy a day

Or two but I think he got

His fill of peanuts.

Oh, potato chips.

Thanks. Mmm, crispy.

So anyway, our peanut crop

Is safe and we haven't seen

My brothers since.

You know, I can't believe

Someone is getting so crazed

Over something like peanuts.

I just--oh, say, could I have

Another potato chip?

No, just one more, please?

One more potato chip.

All I want is one more.

I don't think

That's asking too much.

Honest, you know,

They're really awfully good.

If I could have just one more,

I really could rest as a happy
pig for the rest of the day.

[ Telephone rings ]

- Hello?

Yikes! [ Glass breaks ] aah!

- Hey, if that isn't worth

A quarter, what is?

- Ahem. Good morning,

Ladies and gentlemen.

My name is dr. Carish.

I am an egyptologist

From the university of cairo.

Reverence for the cat

In ancient egypt

Can be traced as far back

As 1,000 b.c.

- Here that, odie? Cats

Should be treated like kings.

- The pharaoh kept a cat near

Him at all times for luck.

In fact, cat mummies have been

Found inside the pyramids.

- Face it. I was born too late.

That's all.

[ Crunches ]

- Garfield, you wanted me

To bring you to this exhibit.

Can't you be quiet?

- As soon as they invent

The noiseless nacho.

- As you can see, we've tried

To recreate scenes from daily

Life in ancient egypt.

- Now, this is what I call

A snack.

[ Clank clank ]

- There should be a law

Against plastic food.

Hey, I demand to see the chef.

This steak is overdone.

I bet that pharaoh's cat

Had plenty to eat.

What a thankless life I lead.

Why couldn't I have been

A cat in e--e--egypt.

[ Crash ]

- Garfield!

- [ Yelps ]

- Let us take him down

To the first aid room

Just down the hall.

- Will he be all right?

- Oh, yeah, he should be fine.

- [ Moans ]

Cats should be treated

Like kings.

- In ancient egypt,

Cats were worshipped.

They were treated like royalty.

[ Overlapping conversations ]

[ Gong ]

- We are now proud to present

The pharaoh

And more importantly,

The pharaoh's cat.

- I am slightly depressed.

I think I shall

Go count my money.

- Yes, your pharaoh-ness.

To overthrow the pharaoh and

Seize his riches, we must end

His luck and good fortune.

- How do you propose

To do this?

- By eliminating the source

Of the pharaoh's good luck,

His cat!

Oh, thank you very much

For eating all of the food,

O, cat of cats.

We are truly honored.

- You should be.

What's next on my schedule,

Royal scribe?

- Next is the royal nap,

Then dinner,

Then another royal nap,

Then another dinner,

Then nap, then dinner.

- I'm getting in a rut.

Change that second dinner

To late lunch.

- But first the pharaoh

Requests that you visit him

In the pyramid.

- Oh, if I must.

- They pyramid, boys, and don't

Take the freeway this time.

- We would have been here

Sooner, but it was

Bumper-to-bumper on the nile.

Whoa!

- Farewell, pharaoh's feline.

- The mummy of odie-hotep

Will get him for certain.

[ Evil laugh ]

- Hey, I'm supposed to be

Revered.

Yoo-hoo, pharaoh jon?

Where are you?

Anybody t'home?

Pharaoh jon, is that you?

It's the mummy of odie-hotep.

Nice mummy. Yeah, down boy.

Down mummy.

- No, no, it's the curse

Of the mummy's tongue.

- [ Barks ]

- Help, anyone! Big doggie!

Big, bandaged doggie! Help!

I'm trapped, very trapped.

There's only one way

To deal with a mummy puppy.

Wanna fetch this stick, boy?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

- Wait for me!

- What is the meaning of this?

- We are over throwing you,

Pharaoh arbuckle.

Your reign has ended.

- Well, where's the royal cat

Who brings me good luck?

- The royal cat is history,

Pharaoh.

We are taking over and--

[ Rumbling ]

- Hey, can I make an entrance

Or what?

- Guards, seize those traitors.

- Our plan has failed!

- After them! They're escaping!

- Giddy up, mummy.

- The royal cat

Has brought me luck again.

- You bet your sphinx I did.

Hey, stop it! Stop it!

Stop it! Stop it!

I'd rather be back

In the pyramid!

- Garfield, snap out of it.

- Don't trust him, pharaoh.

He tried to seal me in

The pyramids with the giant odie

Mummy!

- Garfield, relax. You got

A bump and we brought you here

To first aid.

- Oh, I'm not in ancient egypt.

What an awful place to be.

Food wasn't bad though.

- Mr. Arbuckle, is your cat

Always this peculiar?

- The mummy of odie-hotep!

Help! Anybody! Help!

- Actually, this is pretty

Close to normal for garfield.