02x12 - Doppelganger Didi/Pepper Ann's Day Off-Kilter

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's that girl? What's her name?
Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann
-Pepper Ann

Is she lame? Is she cool?

-Is she breaking every rule?
-[ALARM RINGING]

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann
-Pepper Ann

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann

BOY: Who?
GIRL 1: Is that that girl from gym class?

-MOOSE: No, that's me.
-GIRL 1: Oh.

GIRL 2: Who is she
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann

She's her own biggest fan
Pepper Ann...

-Here's my remote control!
-...Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann

[THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES]

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Your first featured role.
Oh Peppie, I am so proud of you!

Mom! You better hurry up and park
or you won't get good seats!

Oh, don't you worry about that,
Pepper Ann!

Your Uncle JoJo has police-taped off
the entire front row for us. [LAUGHS]

That's great, Aunt Janie.

Moose, don't you have something you want
to say to your sister before her big show?

Yeah. Will they be selling
marshmallow crunchies at intermission?

Hey, you world
Clear the decks for me

-Clear the decks, just clear the decks
-Clear the decks, just clear the decks

Hey world, sign the checks for me

-What the heck, just sign those checks
-What the heck, just sign those checks

Hey world, it's me!

[AUDIENCE CHEER, APPLAUD]

[LAUGHING]

Pepper Ann, you were wonderful!

When you told Fuzzy that you were tired
of living but scared of...

why are you crying?

[SNIFFLES, GASPS]

It's just that... I think I really know
how Fuzzy must've felt. [SNIFFLES]

The early reviews are in!

"While Hazelnut Middle School's rock opera
of Singin' In The Fuzz

-"is largely lackluster."
-[ALL GASP]

"One shining star stands out.

"In the role of Janette,
Fuzzy's colorblind half-sister...

"Pepper Ann Pearson,
shows how it's done."

[GASPS] Me?

"With her distinctive phrasing
and one-of-a-kind physicality,

"Pepper Ann commands the stage

"as Hazelnut's quirky, kooky,
flame-haired original."

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Dieter never gives a good review.

All hail Pepper Ann.
Hazelnut's coolest match-head!

[CROWD CHEER, APPLAUD]

That was so... you're so...
and I'm so... [GASPS]

Do you want to know the secret to success?

[BLABBERS] Uh-huh.

"This, above all,
to thine own self be true."

You know who first said that?
William Shatner.

Oh! Shakespeare. William Shakespeare.

All right! Party time!
We're on the party tip. Vamos a la party!

I should go, Pepper Ann.
I am mentally and emotionally drained.

Come on, Nicky. The night is young!

I know, but I've got
spearfishing lessons at dawn

and hottie approaching, three o'clock.

-Hey! It's you!
-Yes! It's me!

I'm so sorry I missed your show tonight.

I heard you were awesome!
So unique, so original, so...

-Me!
-Listen,

I was wondering if,
maybe tomorrow after school,

uh, you'd like to go to the movies
with me, Didi?

Wha... what did you call me?

Well, Didi. That is your name, right?
[CHUCKLES] Didi O'Shaunassy.

No. I'm Pepper Ann Pearson.

What? You're not... I thought that you...
you don't go to "Our Lady of Walnut?"

No. I go to Hazelnut Middle School.

Whoa! [SCOFFS] This is so weird.

You look just like this girl in my class.
I'm sorry. I thought you were Didi.

Okay! Who wants to party?
'Cause I could really par-tay!

-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
-Wha...

Party-hearty! Milkshakes, milkshakes,
milkshakes! Woo-hoo!

I wonder if Nicky was hiding something.

Nicky? No way. She was just tired.

Right, right. Tired. Who's Didi?

Why can't you just enjoy your triumph?

You gave a splendid, unique,
one-of-a-kind... [SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

I don't think she looks like you.

That's 'cause her face is torn out.
I wish I'd had a staple-remover.

-Didi...
-O'Shaunassy!

-She's off the...
-The hook!

You know her?

-Yeah. We partied...
-With her at the Flaming...

-Snot concert. Hey, isn't that...
-VANESSA: Your favorite band?

Didi O'Shaunassy?
Yeah, she comes in here all the time.

Hey, watch the hands!

That's a pinball machine,
not your prom date!

Yeah, she's way into Crunch Pod.

Matter of fact,
she just got the new high score.

Hey, isn't that your favorite game?

[MUNCHING]

Didi O'Shaunassy?
Ach du lieber, of course I know her!

[CONTINUES MUNCHING] I reviewed
her performance in Phantom of the Apes.

She vas vunderbar!

A real quirky, kooky,
flame-haired original.

Hey, are you okay? Hello?

Oh, okay, I guess I'll just a...
oh, good bye.

-[BIRDS CHIRPING]
-Nothing. I've wasted an afternoon.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Ha! Not a quirky match-head in the bunch.

I bet this whole thing
is just an elaborate practical joke...

No! It can't be. No! It cannot...

[SCREAMS]

All right, spill it Goldilocks.
How long have you known Didi O'Shaunassy?

When you say "know," do you mean how long
have I been aware of her existence,

or how long have I been personally
acquainted with her?

-Just answer the question!
-Three years, six months, two days.

But she didn't start looking like you
until she got her braces off in June.

-How about you, Beanie Boy?
-I have no idea what you're talking about.

And don't try to bully me
into confessing to something I...

Know her, like her,
occasionally ski with her.

Great! Not only does she have my face,
she's got my friends too.

Pepper Ann, we didn't tell you about Didi

because we thought
you might take it like this.

Oh, really? And how's "this"?

-Poorly.
-Of course, I'm taking it poorly!

I just found out everything
that makes me unique, isn't unique to me!

My quirkiness, my kookiness, my...

You-ness?

Bingo, Mile-stone! My me-ness.
That thief stole my me-ness!

Pepper Ann, no one can steal
your "me-ness."

You and Didi are two different people
who just happen to look similarly.

It's scientifically impossible
for two people to be identical,

unless you're a clone.

But don't worry. Human cloning
is still a technological impossibility.

Although I did get pretty close
at last year’s science fair.

-[BLEATS]
-[GROANS]

Greetings, creatures of the light.

-[CRASHES]
-[OBJECTS RATTLE]

-What are you doing?
-Why whatever do you mean?

She means the outfit, the voice,
the whole freaky Queen of the Dead vibe.

I am Goth.

Not that it's any
of your business, Dieter.

Will you put your glasses on?

I checked it out.
Nobody else in Hazelnut is Goth right now.

I'm the only one with this personality
in a 30-mile radius.

-CONSTANCE GOLDMAN: Pepper Ann?
-Call me Vampeera.

I thought you said
the secret was to be true to yourself.

[WHIMPERS]

I can't be myself! Myself is taken!

Pepper Ann, who cares
if there's some 12-year-old

in some private school
who looks, sounds and acts like you?

She's a different person
with different experiences.

-Really?
-Absolutely.

-She's only 12?
-What's your point?

I'm 12 and three months!
I'm older than Didi!

Which means, when it comes
to this personality, I have dibs!

I have dibs! [LAUGHS]

Cool. Glad that's settled.

-[BELL TOLLING]
-[THUNDER RUMBLES]

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[LIGHTNING STRIKES]

I'm making a final plea for sanity.

Save the sermon, sister.
I've got to settle this, once and for all.

-By challenging her to a showdown?
-Hey, I'm not going down without a fight.

If she wants this personality,

she's gonna have
to out Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann.

At dusk in a deserted alley?
Isn't that a bit much, even for you?

I think it's kind of cool.
It must be the Chillade talking.

[GROANS] Whoa!

-Now, this is dignified.
-PEPPER ANN: It's her.

Okay, this is getting freaky.
You should leave.

And let her be me? Are you kidding?
She's younger than I am.

If anybody deserves to be me, it's me.
I've been me longer!

-DIDI: Hello? Anybody there?
-Oh, great! She even has my voice!

Stop worrying so much!

She says she's my exact double.

-Well, you would think that.
-What is she doing?

I think she's talking to her reflection.

-What a freak.
-What a freak.

I mean, what if she dreams
of being a veterinarian, like me?

Or if she's saving
for her own horse, too?

Or if she's the only one in her family
who cries during golf?

Did you hear that?

Well, maybe that's okay for you,
but I'm not sure I can handle it!

Come on, let's go.

What? But you haven't kicked her
to the curb yet!

Weren't you listening?

All that stuff she was saying
about being a vet, owning a horse...

-I don't even like golf.
-Well, who does?

She's completely unoriginal, un-kooky,
un-quirky, completely un-me.

[CHUCKLES] I mean, hello?

What 12-year old girl
isn't saving for a horse?

-What's your point?
-She may look like me on the outside,

but on the inside,
she's completely different.

And what's on the inside makes you... you.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]
Hey, it's your world. I just live in it.

[CAR HORN BLARES]

Didi, honey, are you through
with your little showdown?

Mom! What if I was in the middle of it?
You would've totally embarrassed me!

You think that's embarrassing?

Once, your Uncle JayJay picked me up
wearing a clown nose!

-[LAUGHS] He's so crazy.
-DIDI: That's great, Aunt Lanie.

-MOOSE: Didi?
-DIDI: Yeah, Goose?

You're sitting on my marshmallow crunchie.

[ALARM CLOCK RINGS]

-[DOOR CLOSES]
-[HUMS BUGLE WAKE UP CALL]

Riseth and shineth, my little Pep-u-lah!
Rosy-fingered morn is here!

No.

Your wafflemen are getting cold.
Get the lead out, kiddo.

[EXHALES]

-Come on, you're gonna be late.
-No! I'm not going. I'm sick.

Okay, I'm not sick!
But I haven't been sick all year!

Milo's stayed home like nine times
'cause he's always wearing shorts!

Nicky gets two days for bronchitis!
Pink Eye Pete gets three for scurvy!

When does Pepper Ann
get her sick day? When?

Well, I'm sold.

Shouldn't be here without your la la

Shouldn't be here
But it wasn't my la la

Oh, no! Not my la la!

[GROANS]

-I'm not hungry.
-What? But you love wafflemen!

-[GASPS] You're sick!
-Yes!

-I mean, no. I'm well.
-[GASPS]

[GASPS] Ninety-eight point eight!

That's it! You're staying home!
I need a spoon!

[CHUCKLES]

Guys, I'm not going to school today.
I'm sick.

Okay, I'm not sick!
But I haven't been sick all year!

And you've stayed home! And you!

-And Pink Eye Pete had scurvy...
-Pepper Ann...

Nicky, please don't fill my head
with bringdown, okay?

Au contraire, Pepper Ann.

Feigning sick is a natural rite of passage
for all schoolchildren.

-Cool. Well, so long...
-MILO: You people disgust me!

The joy that is daytime TV
and fruit gelatin

cannot be stolen like jewels in the night!

No! Sick days must be earned
with headaches, fevers,

and wearing shorts in blizzard conditions.
For shame, P.A., for shame.

Bye, Pepper Ann!
Enjoy your ill-gotten day of leisure!

MILO: For shame!

I am so sorry I have to work
and leave you alone all day.

Remember, if there's anything you need...

-I'll call, Mom.
-That's my brave little trooper! Here.

Just relax, watch some TV,
and drink your soup.

Remember, fluids, fluids, fluids!
[BLOWS KISS]

Feel better, Peppie. I love you.

Come on, you got the place to yourself!

Crack out the aerosol cheese and party!

Did you see that?
I just played my own mother for a patsy.

She seemed so worried.

Yeah, but she'll be psyched
when she sees you're not sick!

Come on! Soap operas and trucking school
commercials are waiting!

Boy, oh yeah, boy!

MALE TV ANNOUNCER: On today's show...

"Girl, I Have A Secret That's Not Even The
Secret That You Thought I Secretly Had!"

Good morn, Prairie Patty!

Well met, Blacksmith Bob!
Come, join us for fritters!

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[GROANS] What a rocking day.

I hope Mom is home soon
to start the tacos.

No. It can't be. No!

I'm so bored.

Eleven o'clock.

I wonder what everyone's doing
at school right now.

Trinket!

I don't care if everyone knows that
we've been secretly dating for a year!

-[CROWD GASP]
-DIETER: I can't lose you now!

-Oh, my Deetums-Sweetums!
-[DIETER CHUCKLES]

I can't believe Pepper Ann
is missing this!

Hey, everybody!

Lamar Abu Dabe is beating
Wayne Macabre on the board!

-LAMAR: Checkmate, Macabre.
-But how? How?

I had a great coach. Thanks, Cissy.

I can't believe Pepper Ann
is missing this!

Stewart, I noticed you weren't singing
along with everyone in music class today.

It's kind of embarrassing.
I just can't sing.

-Maybe you don't have to sing.
-[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, don't you fall into the give-up trap

I've had friends that sing
And buds that clap

I got some that drum and some that snap
But what you can do, Stu, is you can rap

-You can rap!
-Well I'm not sure but I'll take my shot

Gonna give it all that Stu W. D's got

Gonna kick it like Nick did
The ol' school way

Well, y'all look at me
It's a brand new day

-You can rap!
Well, I scope I've been a dope

And a full-time sap
So, excuse while I choose

To as Sketch says "flap"
Can't croon a chillin' tune

Like the family Von Trapp?
What you can do is you can rap

You can rap!

Oh! I can't believe
Pepper Ann is missing this.

That's it! I'm going to school!

Thanks for calling, It's You!
Home of the imported clog festival!

Mom, I'm feeling much, much better!
So, I'd like to go to school, and...

You're doing no such thing, young lady!

You're going to stay home,
sit on the couch,

and drink fluids, fluids, fluids!

I'll be home in the afternoon, Peppie,
until then, get well.

Now just settle in,
flick on the tube, and...

But I'm supposed to be in school!

But you're supposed to be staying at home!

[SIGHS] You're right.

I've made my sick
and now I have to lie in it.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

PINK EYE PETE: Behold!
Though the horned tree monkey

is remarkably hostile
and doesn't like to be photographed.

At long last, I managed to snap
this picture of the elusive creature.

-[GASPS] The monkey!
-[ALL SCREAM]

Slicka than grease!

[GASPS] I know what you're thinking.
My mom called me in sick.

But, something's happened.
Something wonderful.

[CAR ENGINE REVS]

-What are you doing?
-Waiting for this day to end.

Just 'cause one nurse
sent you home in one cab?

I say, you go back and show everyone
that no one stops Pepper Ann Pearson

from going to school! No one!

-You think?
-Yes, I do!

-You've still got plenty of time!
-All right! I'll do it!

Hmm. I thought I filed that
Mark Twain article. Oh! [CHUCKLES]

-Who's Samuel Clemens? Duh! [GASPS]
-I came back to go to class!

-You came back to go to class?
-You don't know what it's like, Nicky!

After the first 14 minutes of radness,
a fake sick day

turns into a monotonous march towards
the pathetic goal of dinnertime!

Meanwhile, I missed Stewart kicking it
freestyle in the cafeteria!

-Maybe you should lie down...
-Come on, Nicky! You gotta help me get in!

Two sides, two equal sides
make an isosceles the bee's knees!

Yes, Ms. Little?

I just wanted to say to you all
that I love imaginary numbers. Why?

Because if we believe in them
with all of our hearts,

we can make them real. Thank you.

What did I miss today?
Any heart-wrenching romantic scenes?

Any thrilling chess matches?
Any amusing musical numbers?

The Crying Girl spilled milk
in the cafeteria with the obvious results.

But you caught that, right?

-I was sick today.
-You were gone?

-[BELL RINGING]
-Wha...

I thought it was only 12 o'clock.
Stupid VCR! [GROANS]

Fake sick days play havoc
with the karma, P.A. Wanna walk home?

MOM: I'll be home
in the afternoon, Peppie.

[GASPS]

Oh, Peppie, I have been so worried!

Are you achy? Do you have the shakes?
Have you, you know, tossed your cookies?

-Actually, I'm feeling better...
-MOM: [GASPS] You're sweating b*ll*ts!

Under your tongue, two minutes, no biting!

I'm going to make you
some of your favorite

chicken roller-noodley soup.
Oh, and here.

The Fuzzy Genetic Dozen crossover,
"The Fury of the Furry"?

If you're too weak to lift your head,
I can read it to you later.

Now, no talking! [BLOWS KISS]

She bought it. You actually did it!

Did what? Lied to my mom
and made her sick with worry?

I don't even know who I am anymore.

-Oh, no. Don't.
-Mom!

In the bucket, Peppie! Aim for the bucket!

I am sick, Mom!
Sick of lying! I'm not sick! I faked it.

I wanted a day off.
But then I wanted to go to school.

And even though you told me
not to, I went.

Then Pink Eye Pete thought I was a monkey
and Oomla sent me home.

You came home?

By taxi.
But then I went back to school and...

Peppie, relax.
You're delirious with the fever!

You need to lie down in your room.
You are very sick.

-No! I'm fine, really! Watch! [CHUCKLES]
-Oh! It's worse than I thought.

Moose! Get me
the dehumidifier, the MenthaRub,

and a box of bland crackers, stat!

-Mom, I'm okay.
-MOM: You don't know how sick you are!

You are positively, absolutely
staying home from school tomorrow!

And that is final.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES]