02x07 - A Stallone Family Reunion

[bunniefuu]

♪ MTV. ♪

Oh, my God, that's
your aunt. Let me answer it.

Hi.

-Hello.
-Hi, Aunt Annette.

-Fantastic.
-So good to see you.

Oh, my God. Amazing.

-Hi.
-Hi, honey.

You look fantastic.

Well, thank you. 93 is not bad.

You look amazing.

My dear Aunt Annette

is the last and longest-living

original Stallone.

My father's sister.

So she's carrying the torch.

- Oh, so delicious.
- This is that, like,

has a little avocado, um,
it's all healthy, too.

And I have more of everything,
so if you...

Well, I'm not a big eater,
sweetheart.

-Me, either.
-Uh-huh?

The older I get, the less I eat.

Maybe it's a Stallone thing.
I-I'm with you.

-It's a lie. Take that back.
-It's the truth.

You are so...
Okay, if-- let me ask you

-if this is a big eater.
-Now she's gonna say

-I'm a swine, a hog.
-For breakfast,

I make him an ice cream shake.

Bananas and protein powder.

-What?
-I make him eggs with toast.

You had strudel cake
and jelly with it.

He's definitely not starving.

- That's what I'm...
- I'm starving.

I brought you something,
Sylvester.

- Uh-oh.
- Now, you know who that is?

That is Frankie.

-No, that's Sylvester.
-That's Sly?

- Wow, I thought
that was your brother.
- Yikes.

Jesus, what a weasel.

If you said this guy was gonna
grow up to be Rocky

-and Rambo, you'd say,
- I want my money back.
- That's right.

- Exactly.
- That-that's my father,

Sylvester the original.

That's attitude,
right there.

In the Italian culture,

the firstborn

usually is named
after the grandfather.

And his name was Silvestro.

Do you know that Gioia,
where we-- uh, was born,

it goes back nine generations.

-Oh.
-But my father
came to this country

-to have a better life.
-Right.

My grandfather,
I'm sure he was scared

of leaving a little barbershop

this big in Gioia del Colle
in Italy.

And just stepping off
a boat saying,

"I don't know one person,
but I'm grateful to be here."

So don't forget the ancestors.

Now, that's a picture
of Sylvester Stallone

in front of his barbershop.

- Did he always
dress that well?
- He always had

a-a cigarette holder.

Always.

And he wore a-a homburg

and spets.

And he was known as
the Mayor of Georgia Avenue.

- Oh, really?
- You know
what would be great?

- What, honey?
- If we could take Frank,

the girls...

all of us go to Italy.

This is one of

his father's dreams,
was for Sly and Frank

to go back to where he was born

and see the town
that his grandfather

had a shop in
and meet the family.

That's Frank.
That's your father.
-Yeah.

- That's my father.
- Oh.

But I know, for Sly, it's hard,

because, in all honesty,
we didn't have

a lot of relationship
with his mom or his dad

or the Italian side
of his family.

-'Cause my father was tough.
-But your father...

You don't want to mess with him.

-I know.
-You know? You...

If you got him there,
get away from him.

-Right.
-Right around here, a rim

-around his mouth
would tighten up...
-Yeah, he would get...

...and it would get white
a little, uh, boom.

Believe me, I've been
on the receiving end of it.

It's horrible.

Let's just say I grew up
in a very difficult household.

My family was never

kind of my safe spot, say.

That's why, truthfully,
meeting the relatives,

it's not my number-one priority.

I regret, 'cause my mom died

about a year ago,

and I don't have any more
grandparents left.

My parents are both deceased.

So it's hard, because I want,

I want to know
all these stories,

and you always think
you have enough time.

I have to admit...

...my wife is right.

If I don't do this,
I'm going to regret it

for the rest of my life.

Sly, we must take this trip.

You know, they've been
asking us to do that for years.

Maybe we should do it while
I can still appreciate it.

Done. See what you did?

It's amazing.
I changed his diapers.

I said it.

Stop it.

I was born in jockey shorts.

♪ Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪

♪ Dance like 1980 ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Roll with me, baby ♪

♪ You ain't gonna save me ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh. ♪

Ah.

-Hi, Dad.
-Hi.

Got a little surprise
for you guys.

You're going to come with me.

Two weeks in Italy.

The Stallones are going
to Rome, baby.

Bottles of wine,

there's gonna be pasta for days.

Ugh. Ciao bella. Let's go.

- Hello.
- Hey, brother.

We're gonna pack our bags
and head back to the fatherland.

I'm the only one
that does speak Italian.

I went to Gioia del Colle,
where my father was born,

in 1981.

And so, I can take them

on the tour,
where it all started.

This is going to be such
a special treat

because we're gonna take

all of his family

and get everyone together
for this huge family reunion.

I don't know
how I feel about this.

Oh, God.

It is definitely
going to be interesting to meet

a lot of blood relatives

that are strangers.

We have second, third
and fourth cousins

we've never met.

They have children
we've never met.

They have animals
we've never met.

Start packing.

-I'm so curious.
-I know.

I'm a little nervous,

only because it just,
it seems like a lot.

It's like, "Oh, you have
a hundred new relatives."

It's like, "Whoa."

I've never really met
any relatives

still in the same town
over a hundred years.

So this is very exciting,
and nerve-racking.

Hey.

God...

- Hey.
- Hey, sisters.

Louis, will you help
Scarlet pack today?

- Pack me
in your suitcase.
- I'll be furious with you.

Meh, meh, meh.

I'm packing Louis.

Okay, I love you.
Thank you for your help.

If it was help, but yes.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Ciao.

Are you gonna miss me?

-Not really.
-Okay.

Okay, f*ck off. Anyways, um...

Of course I'm gonna miss you.

I won't have
my study partner anymore.

I'm not a study partner.

You're the one
that's always tutoring me.

-Speaking of, I have math.
-Do you need some help?

When do I not need help
with math?

I'm honestly
so ready to graduate.

You know, when, like, you have
a place... and people thrive

when they're in, like,
their best environment,

and I don't think Miami
is my best environment.

Like, don't get me wrong,
like, I love you,

and I love being with you,

but... I just don't want to...

Every time I'm in New York,
I, like, don't want to leave,

I just want to stay there.

For the past month,
I've been back in Miami.

I've been waking up every day
just uncomfortable

and not wanting to be here.

And I really want
to be in New York,

but that scares me for what

it would do to Louis and I's
relationship.

Like, obviously, it's--
it hurts.

Like, of course I want
to have you close-closer to me,

and, like, you know, we're
living the same building now,

it's like...

I know, but, like, what...

I'm not gonna make
the decision for you.

I-I know you're not,
it's just... I don't...

You got to make
the decision yourself.

I don't know what to feel.
Like, I really don't.

If you want to go to New York
because you think

that that's gonna help you
later on,

or it's gonna boost your career
in whatever way you-you think,

then, by all means.

We can't do long distance.
That's the thing.

That's a weird thing to say
before you've even tried it.

Louis's response every time is,

"Doesn't matter,
as long as you're happy,"

and, ugh, that's too nice.

Like, make me...
d-decide for me, something.

I don't know. He's not helping.

He just wants me to be happy.

You're leaving now
for two weeks to Italy.

I think this is gonna be
a good test

to see, like,
how we deal with it.

I-I don't want to go
on this trip

and then have doubtful thoughts
the whole time,

'cause I don't know what
you're thinking when I'm back.

It's stupid.
That's like-- I don't...

-Like, I don't want to...
-I think it's not, like, a test,

it's like a taster of, like,
what it's, like, gonna be like.

You call this "packed"?

I said 10:15.

Ten, one, five.

We haven't been on
a vacation a long time,

-so this is very, very cool.
-But this is beautiful.

-This is fantastic.
-It's rural. Look at the sky

out here, no pollution,
it's blue.

I think they overdid it

- with the olive trees.
- I told you,

y-you can't, you can't go
a block without seeing

at least 20 on every block.

This is--
that's big business, man.

I've been trying to tell Sly
to do this trip for--

oh, God-- decades. Decades.

That's why I think
the whole trip's gonna be

very special, because
we're coming in as a family.

La famiglia.

Where my grandfather
Sylvester one day

put the key in his shop,

came to America.

Oh, my God,

look at the water.

Is this all

considered Bari,
like, this whole area?

-This is Puglia.
-This is Puglia.

This is Puglia.
So you got Bari...

-Uh-huh.
-...and then you have Puglia.

-It's a suburb.
-Yeah. Yeah, It's a-- yeah.

Italy is broken up
into many of these areas.

One is Puglia, so if you're from
there, they're called Pugliese.

A-And in Puglia, there's Bari.

And our family is from a smaller
city called Gioia del Colle.

Uh, and each one
is very, very unique.

I just want to know
why you're wearing

-Dr. Stallone? When did you
graduate med school?
-'Cause it makes me...

No, I barely got out
of high school.

- But it makes me look smart.
- Are-are you on meds?

- Come on.
- People come up there
don't know who I am,

and go,
"So what are you a doctor of?"

"Love, baby."

I'm wearing scrubs
'cause they were absolutely

the most comfortable things
I've ever worn in my life.

And, you know,
girls love their doctors,

and I'll be whatever doctor
they want.

"Well, I'm an OGB,
or whatever they call it.

"O-B, f*cking O-B, O-B Kenobi.

Whatever. Doctor."

-Oh, look it.
-Oh, this...
I think this is the lady.

Are we here?
All right.
-Yeah.

- Buongiorno.
- Buongiorno.

Welcome to Masseria
San Domenico.

- Uh, mi chiamo
- Francesco Stallone.

-Uh, fratello Silvestro.
-Hi.

-Welcome to Masseria
San Domenico.
-Thank you.

In case you need a brain
surgeon, we brought one.

Okay.

-Do you speak a little English?
-Yes.

-Frank speaks a little Italian.
-Okay.

The only person that speaks
Italian in our family is Frank.

But that doesn't mean
he speaks it well.

That's at least one thing I have
over some of them in the family.

I might not be as rich,
but I can speak bad Italian.

This masseria is, uh, a very,
very ancient building.

Wonderful.

It was built six century ago

to defend the coast of Apulia.

Now convert in resort.
Five stars.

Wow.

I love Italy 'cause
I love the architecture.

I love the feeling
of these old homes.

So to be able to stay in it
is such a treat for our family.

How-- What year was this?


Uh, the...

the construction
is the 15th century.



- What?
- Yeah, 15th century.

Oh, my God.

-Look at this, you guys.
-Yikes. Very nice. Wow.

-You guys...
-Beautiful.

-This is a little home.
-It's very nice.

You know,
it's very cool in here.

This is very nice.

-Oh, my gosh.
-Wow!

Oh, my God!

This is swanky.

This place is the Italian dream.

I cannot believe
we are staying here.

It feels like an old castle.

I feel like royalty.

Italia, we have arrived
to meet our familia.

Oh, my God.
This is amazing.

This is the focaccia barese

- with the tomato on top.
- Thank you.

- Fantastic.
- Thank you.

So...

are you guys looking forward
to meeting all the relatives,

all the cousins,
all the aunts and uncles?

- Yeah, I mean, it will be
interesting, for sure.
- Yeah.

Dad has never
mentioned anything.

We just know a little bit
about his mom

and a little bit about his dad.

Out of my entire family, Sly is
definitely the most guarded.

He's wearing a shield
of armor at all times.

I just think it's because
Sly and Frank had

a really difficult upbringing,

and they didn't have
a secure home.

He sort of built up this wall
over the years

to protect his personal life,

and that wall included
around our family, so...

Your grandma Jackie
came into your bedroom once,

Sistine,
when you were in your crib,

you were probably, like,
two or three years old,

and you were screaming
your head off.

You jumped out of your crib,
ran down your, the hallway

and hid in your playhouse.

-You wouldn't come out.
-Well, that's not my fault.

That was your introduction
to your grandma.

She's not, she's not the world's
most warm woman in the world.

Not at all.
Actually. The opposite.

I'm not super excited
to meet the relatives because

I went 21 years without knowing
that I even had relatives,

and then all of a sudden,
I have family. Like...

I think Dad's
gonna be overwhelmed

because everyone's gonna go
crazy when they see him,

and, uh, that's gonna be
interesting to see.

Are you guys, like, nervous
about the language barrier?

- I-I feel like that--
- That's gonna be weird.

-That's gonna be funny.
-Oh, gosh.

We are-- It's gonna be funny.

Well, what's funny is
that Frank is so into,

like, trying to speak Italian,
and he's so bad.

I'm gonna be on Google Translate
the whole time.

Cheers to that.

Here, Sly.
I have a glass of wine for you.

Sly, you got the best wife.
Look at this. Thank you, honey.

You're welcome.
Let's have a toast.

'Cause this is gonna be--
This is a big night.

This is monumental.

-It is.
-We are gonna see relatives

that we've never seen before.

- 50 years
in the making.
- Yeah.

But are these
all real relatives? Are--

These are-- Absolutely.

They are all the product
of my Aunt Tatina,

'cause she had a lot of kids,
and her kids had a lot of kids,

and they had a lot of kids
and a lot of kids.

My brother is very
family-oriented.

He has pictures.

Must be going back
to the Civil w*r or something.

Of all our relatives,
he's just consumed

with family and history,

so he's ready for anything.

It must be a little
nerve-racking, though.

A little bit,

'cause you don't want
to mess up.

And then again,
I don't know anyone.

Sometimes you feel like...

like everyone is expecting,
like, the movie star Sly,

- you know?
- Well, they are,

-but the thing is--
-A man on a trapeze.

- No, they are, just...
- Yeah, right. Exactly.

Don't you feel like
the expectation gets

- a little nerve-racking?
- I think they're
expecting a movie star,

but also, he's their relative.

And for 50 years,
he's been a major movie star

and they're singing
"Gioia del Colle."

They've watched every movie

with his head 50 feet
in the screen,

and now he's come back
to where it all started.

You guys are making it
even worse.

I've never really told my family
much about my family in Italy

because I really
don't know that much.

And I do have anxieties

about meeting the relatives.

I had an ambiguous feeling
because they don't know me,

I don't know them.

And I go, "Do I really want to
open myself up to these people?"

And I go, hmm...

It's very anxious.

Are you all ready

-or should we just finish?
-Showtime.

- Do you guys
want to finish?
- No.

- Our wine?
- No, I'm good.

I don't want to be ripped

-when I come in there.
-Why not?

"I'm your cousin."
"Yeah? So what?"

I think you should be
a little bit, Sly.

No. You know, I slur enough.

There you go.

He really is punchy.

He really is tuned-up.

Cheers to...

-to...
-...cousins.

Extending our little family.

-Oh.
-Yeah.

Oh, God, I hope this is good.

That tastes like a*s.

Oh, that's horrible.

It's pitch-black out here.

Are we gonna be
in the pitch-black?

We won't see any
of your relatives.

If somebody has to go to the
bathroom out here, good luck.

This is gonna be a f*cking gas.

Hey, guys.

- Hi, Louis.
- Hi.

-How are we?
-We're about to, um, see

the extended cousins right now.

-Are you, are you having
dinner with them?
-Yeah.

-We'll let you know how it goes.
-I'm a little nervous.

I'll send you my location, too,
while we're at it.

Can you send me your location?

Scarlet.

The only reason why--

-I don't remember
the reason why I asked--
-I don't want your location.

- I trust us.
- Aw.

Oh, I didn't ask for your
location in the wrong reason.

Yes, you did.

When?

What, what, what?

Turn off your location.
And have fun in Miami.

All right.

Since our brief
conversation in Miami,

things just feel off
between Louis and I.

I was really hoping he'd say
we would end up

in the same place,
but he didn't.

I hate being on bad terms,
especially with him.

And now I'm scared
I've pushed him away.

It just sucks so bad.

- I know.
- You have no idea.

Dad looks like
he's freaking out.

Oh, my God. It's so pretty.

Wait, is that a mariachi band?

Here we go.

This is like
a Stallone Festival.

I know.

Hey.

Hello, how are you?

-Ciao. Hello, how are you?
-Alessandra.

-Hey.
-Thank you.

Hello. Thank you.

Watching my dad, I can tell
that he is a little overwhelmed.

It's a lot of people
all at once,

but he's not uncomfortable.

Where's my interpreter
when I need him?

Hello.

Oh, Jennifer...

-This is the baby, Scarlet.
-Hi.

We walk up and see
about 50 Stallones.

- Sistine?
- Sistine.
- This is Sistine.

And there's so much love.
And they're kissing us,

and they're hugging us,

and they're all over each other.
This is way beyond

what I ever had imagined
for a family reunion to be.

-You're doing good?
-Yeah. Great.

You like to come to Italy?

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

It only took me 50 years.

Ah. Cenzo.

Yeah.

Yeah. Give me back my face.

This is
the most beautiful table.

- It's amazing.
- Right? It's so pretty.

So this is all
your blood relatives.

You guys,
tell me everything about

Italian superstitions.
I want to know.

'Cause I saw three black cats
yesterday cross me.

- Spill the salt
backwards.
- Should I do that?

A little bit. Yeah.

I heard this one.

If you cheer someone
and you don't make eye contact,

that's seven years bad sex.

I mean, that's up to you.

Ha! Yes.

Even though

I was skeptical at first,

I'm pleasantly surprised
with how much

we are getting along
with our cousins right now.

And they all look like me.
They all have brown eyes.

My mom's side of the family?
Blue, green eyes, tall, blonde.

I'm, like, this is my people.

I mean, except
the fake blonde.

But other than that,
these are my people.

We have a little gift
from Puglia.

For you and Frank.

It's a good luck charms.

-That's Italian Oscar.
-Wow.

-That's bigger than the Oscar.
-This is better than the Oscar.

Yes. Thank you.

And it's a blossom of a rose.
A kind of rose.

Do you know that our three
daughters names are Rose?

-Oh, I love that.
-Sophia Rose, Sistine Rose...

and it's a rose.

I am so pleasantly surprised
that there's so much warmth.

These people
who never have met me,

I feel as though they've
embraced us, and my daughters.

Everybody was just so warm
and so kind.

The nerves completely melted,
and I felt like I was at home.

So this brings luck.

Honestly, I'm gonna take it.
I'm so sorry.

I need, I need all the luck.

You should steal Frank's one.

He needs, he needs it.

And I realized, truthfully,
I never really needed

to be protective
or to have anxiety.

These people were there
to just welcome us.

F-Fantastic.

Let's get this party going.

Go dance, go dance.

So much fun to see Sly dance

because I haven't seen him
dance like that forever.

He's dancing
the exact same way

he did in 1976,

like we'd hit Studio 54.

I come in there and I'm, like...

And...
Oh, my God.

What a way to kick off
this epic family vacation.

Whoa.

- Oh, my God.
- There's
- so many people.

It is a full-on fan frenzy
for Sly right now.

I love you
and keep punching.

-How you doin'?
-Peace.

Can Louis please answer?

I wish I could share
these experiences

with Louis,

but I can't reach him.

He hasn't been texting me,

calling me...
He's not himself.

♪ Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪

♪ Dance like 1980 ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Roll with the crazy ♪

♪ Dance like 1980 ♪

♪ Roll with me, baby ♪

♪ You ain't gonna save me ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh. ♪